Life doesn't discriminate, between the sinners and the saints
It takes, and it takes, and it takes, and it takes
But we keep living anyway
We rise, and we fall, and we break
And we make our mistakes
And if there's a reason I'm still alive where so many have died
I'm willing to wait for it

He started seeing her everywhere. In the ads that he couldn't block while browsing the internet, in commercials and the magazines some girls read on the way to college, and even in the radio when he went through "young people" zones that aimed to create a relaxed atmosphere so that people would buy more things.

It's not like he hadn't dealt with having a girl stuck in his mind before. Hachiman would be a liar if he said that he'd never gone through that sort of pain, of being unable to move on from the icy-cold stare engraved on the back of his mind. On the delicate and vibrant long black hair, on the memories…

This was something different. Insidious, yes, but particularly maddening in how oppressive it felt. Given that the algorithm started thinking he wanted more B-Komachi content. And all of their music, memes, pictures, and videos were for and by the one and only Ai-chan. Excepting the personal streams of each member, and some random compilations made by hardcore fans that wanted to go against the flow.

And… Honestly? Hachiman silently rooted for them. He went as far as leaving a comment or a like in those whenever he didn't feel defeated by finding yet another B-Komachi post. Because those guys were the real ones. They were the real heroes for planting their feet on the ground and showing the rest of the world how much their favorite is worth…

Anyways. Back to his girl-obsessed phase.

It's not like Hachiman was entirely blameless either. He'd searched her a couple of times in the incoming days, scrambling to get any piece of information he could. Any random fragment of the larger puzzle that he'd found himself surrounded by. All sides tainted bright pink, yellow, and purple. All sides surrounded by eyes of stars that promised nothing but his own damnation. And that didn't help his perception of the world outside the internet, because he couldn't help being hyperaware of it. Of noticing the star-struck eyes in a t-shirt or bag pack, of recognizing her voice in a song in the distance.

He could smell her in his clothes. Komachi had mentioned it while Hiratsuka drove them home and the idea had stuck to him. At this point, it was an impossibility. Just a trick of his mind. But it still felt true. It still felt like he could wrap his arms in front of him and he'd be tracing the space she'd filled when she embraced him, feel her fingers behind his head playing with his hair. She'd been so small; he'd have thought that she'd feel fragile between his arms. Yet the intensity of her actions spoke volumes of the contrary. She'd been full of something that Hachiman had a hard time describing, a spark, a flame. So vivid, so full of life. It'd been magnetic. Maybe even a bit intoxicating and—

…

Ummm… He even considered hiding the little souvenir thing he bought at the concert entirely, have it out of sight so his eyes didn't wander to the signature. To the little message that he'd ignored thus far, fueled by negative emotions. Now, it felt just as damning. But in a completely different way.

At least she had the decency to tell him she wouldn't send any texts for a couple of days. Saitou was the one to do it, though. A long-winded apology that felt a bit too corporative for Hachiman's taste. So he didn't bother reading past the first sentence. He wasn't in the mood for it, and he simply re-sent the link to Strawberry Pro's page to the others to check out what the company was about.

He did owe Saika something for not being put up to speed immediately, so that'd have to do for now. If the cinnamon roll wanted to act or show up somewhere in the big or small screen, Hachiman would be more than glad to help him out by showing him the way.

The strategy was simple: Show up with the "gang", have the Saitou cope and seethe about it. Because there's no damn way that Hachiman could let them both mess with his sister, and allow their star child mess up his mind… Like she did… Confuse him so much that it felt like he was starting to grow obsessed.

He understood it intellectually, but the fact didn't really help his nerves. He knew that they'd crossed a threshold that Hachiman hadn't even noticed, that something had fundamentally changed to the point that he couldn't afford not to think about it. About her. Whenever a video or an interview shone a small piece of context in his direction, the resulting piece of the puzzle made him even more anxious.

A life filled with tale-like ups and downs, huh. If Hachiman didn't know any better, he'd have called her out on yet another half-truth she'd said. Where are the ups in all of this? Who lies about that? Why would someone do that?

The answers came readily, whispered by a young Hachiman that he'd thought had gained peace a long time ago. That should've been satisfied a long time ago.

There are no ups, only downs. I do. I don't want to be pitied.

Damn it, damn it, damn it…! It'd be one thing to have someone try to seduce him, to mistakenly find him attractive, or have some other reason for it. That'd be stressful, yes. But at least Hachiman would be able to keep his head cool. Take enough hints to realize that he's being played. Hoshino though? Hoshino…

Damn it, Hoshino!

"Uwahh… Hikigaya has that expression again…" Ebina's voice reminded him of where he was, of what he'd been doing. It made Hachiman put down his phone and caress his eyes with his right hand, using the left one to hold his weight against the table that the two and Miura were sitting at. "Are you sure you don't need glasses? You look like you're in pain."

"Reading all the time on that screen can mess with your eyesight." Miura agreed, although she didn't lift her gaze from the notes she was taking. Her voice was smaller than usual too, and that made Hachiman remember that they weren't in a place where they could raise their voice. Ebina had almost had them kicked out of this very library at least a couple of times. Now they took the rule of being quiet more seriously. "C'mon, Hikio. You should be studying."

"I'm taking a break." Hachiman grumbled while sweeping the app he was using into being closed. "I can't concentrate for that long."

"News to me." Miura replied without much interest before lifting her eyes like she'd remembered something. "…It's not like you don't have other problems to keep you busy either."

Hachiman nodded, letting the first comment slide when the blonde realized she was just being an ass. It wouldn't be the first time, of course. But at least she didn't need to be reminded that he'd gone through actual harm to get where he was. That was nice of her, totally worth a peace prize or whatever it's called.

Hmmm… That didn't sound as smart a retort as he'd have liked. He was really running on an empty tank, huh.

Hachiman sighed, intertwining his fingers together as he rested his elbows on the table. Looking more toward the ceiling than anywhere particular in the library. He'd rather keep his mind empty, not do anything else. But the thoughts that harassed him felt no need to rest, gave him no respite as the artificial lights made him close his eyes. Blink Hoshino's image into his mind in that moment where his eyelids shielded him from the world outside.

This is not normal. He'd have crushes before; they didn't feel like this. He'd hated people before; they didn't fill him with this much anguish. He barely knew this girl, had seen more of the product than the person behind it. And yet… There was something in there that prevented Hachiman from looking away. Pulled him in.

Was this how her fans felt? Blinded by the beauty of a lie well-crafted, knowingly and willingly looking away from the hidden hand that did the actual magic behind every trick, behind every illusion. Magicians did this all the time, making a show of doing something while the actual work happened behind the scenes, right under people's noses. Simple practiced movements and steps crafted into something that appeared unbelievable, but which only clockwork precision and understanding made them work.

She wasn't a person as much as she was a series of steps, a series of motions and habits that made to look like someone alive. A puppet with its strings coiled around, pulled from the inside. And yet, she moved with the same willpower as anyone else. She walked as though she didn't have a heavy armor perpetually constricting her every movement. Like she wasn't trapped in a penance armor of her own making.

What even is this girl?

"Hikio, I'll punch you. Come back to us."

"I'm here." Hachiman replied immediately, feeling a cold shiver in spite of having a table separating him from the blonde gorilla. "I'm just… Tired, that's all."

"You've been tired for quite a while." Miura shook her head. "If you're so stressed out about the whole meeting thing, then maybe you should cancel it."

"Eh?" Hachiman's eyes opened a bit more, hearing about this for the first time since he sent them the link to the company's site.

"We were talking with Yumi-chan about it, and I think it'd be for the best." Ebina elaborated, making circles in her own notebook where she'd done nothing but doodle while Miura and Hachiman were doing something more important. "At least in my case, I don't really feel like being interviewed or meet up with those guys."

"I thought you and Zaimokuza were excited?" The guy had, for the most part, seen it as a chance to meet with the people behind his idols. Maybe do something related to his true passion, however uninspired some of his narratives could be. And had been the first person to back up Hachiman's idea. Ebina had hyped it up too, so Hachiman assumed she wanted to do something similar. Although, in retrospect, maybe she was simply excited for Zaimokuza and not about the idea itself.

"Well, I mean. Yoshi-dono has a goal and nothing to lose but some time." Ebina shrugged, staring at her notebook with some dissatisfaction. "I help draw, we watch anime and brainstorm ideas that don't always wind up on paper… But that's about it. I don't actually see myself going to work seriously on any of this. It's a hobby, wouldn't monetizing it make it lose its charm?"

"I don't get it." Miura interjected. "It's like… If you enjoy it, why not get some money out of it? But I wouldn't like depending on someone that has a record of having us as collateral damage."

"That too." Ebina nodded. "It's like… Do we really want to play with these powers? Isn't it fine to pull back?"

Hachiman opened his hands, releasing his fingers, and held his jaw line with them. Paying as much attention as he could. The feeling of Hoshino's shoulders tricked him for a moment, pushing him into that night. Breaking his line of thought for a moment.

Pull back, huh. If it were that easy…

"I don't think it's an option for me." Hachiman mumbled.

"You're always so serious! Well, it might be the case. But I still feel like there are other options." Ebina tilted her head with a small smile. "Y'know. I don't actually gain much even if things work out."

"I… Think Zaimokuza's plan to pivot into the manga industry has a lot of holes." He'd followed Hachiman into college, aiming for a more or less stable-sounding career to sustain himself while he tried his best to draw or write. And now that the opportunity came up, he'd been the most excited for it. As Hachiman understood, even if he winded up doing voice acting, he still had no idea how Zaimokuza would fall into being a mangaka. "Still, it's worth a try. Do you really not feel the same way?"

Ebina gave him a confused smile, narrowing her eyes like she was wondering what Hachiman was talking about.

"What about you? Do you see yourself doing something in entertainment? Acting? Voice acting? Modeling?"

Hachiman scoffed.

"Of course not."

"Then why is so surprising that I feel the same way?" Ebina took off her glasses and held them against the lamp above them. Seeing if it was dirty enough to bother cleaning them. "Yumi-chan, Saki-Saki, or even Saika-kun, or others are better suited to appear on a magazine or commercial. And they'd benefit from it too, because their goals align with the exposure or simply because it's money… I don't know how much, but money is good."

She put on the glasses again, and resumed making circles on her notebook.

"Thing is, I don't need money. And even if I did, I don't want to do something as demanding as any of the things those guys offer. I want something quiet, easy. Enough to mess around for a bit longer."

"Low expectations, small goals." Hachiman murmured.

"Are you disappointed?" Ebina gave him a knowing smile now.

Hachiman scoffed again.

"Not at all." Having lofty goals and bigger-than-life plans was good and all, but even Hachiman had long ago realized that those things were simple dreams that people had to comfort themselves. Thinking that, given the opportunity, they along could rise to the top and change the world. Even though life had never shown anyone to be so kind. Success was tied to the throw of the dice, to the whims of chance and conditions that no one controlled but those that already had power, fortune, and fame.

People that yearned for success seldom found it, people that wanted to be seen seldom reached the light, and people that wanted to be loved for real seldom found the right people. Hachiman knew how unfair life could be. Stepping out of his shoes for a bit, in what fair world was someone like Hiratsuka Shizuka not married and with kids? In what kind world was not someone like Totsuka Saika given the spotlight in every magazine and publicity board there is? Are these not proof enough that the world does not care about true beauty? True kindness and purity? It's not that Hachiman was being a pessimist anymore. But he had concrete and verifiable proof that the world simply did not care. No one could look him in the eye anymore and say that he was wrong, unless they didn't know who Saika was or had been threatened and/or actually harmed by Hiratsuka…

…

Well, so what? People are entitled to their opinion. For those who are proven right, there will always be those who were wrong at the end of it all.

That's just how the world works.

"You said your sister wanted to try it out?" Miura interjected when the other two fell silent.

"Mhm."

"Sounds fun." Miura looked away, calculating. "Opportunities like this one don't come around often."

Hachiman pursed his lips seeing Miura puff her chest with pride.

"Bragging rights sound so nice…"

"I see. So we're on the same bench, if on different ends of it." He didn't know if he should be disappointed, or even surprised, that Miura saw this whole thing as a way to boost her ego. Not a life-changing decision or something that'd become the main goal in her life.

Still, it sure took guts. And self-esteem, a lot of it, if she thought that she just needed an opportunity to become a celebrity. For however long she planned to do it.

It'd be one thing if she was as cute as Komachi, but… Well, she wasn't plain at all. She had a good figure, a lot of personality, and no shortage of people crushing on her. So it's not like he couldn't see it working out in the end.

Still, her boldness was commendable enough that Hachiman couldn't hide his surprise.

"Earth calling to Miura. It's not guaranteed to work, y'know."

"Ah~, Yumi-chan is already on a red carpet in her mind~" Ebina grinned, making the blonde glare at her with blood flowing to her face. She did look cute while embarrassed, so maybe Hachiman shouldn't be that surprised. "Kyaaa~ You're so cool, Yumi-chan~!"

"Quit it." Miura closed her eyes and smacked Ebina on the head, softly as to not knock her out right there. But her embarrassment was quickly turning into annoyance, so Ebina complied before she could be hit for real. "I wouldn't mind being famous, that's all I'm saying."

"Ah, well, if you do get some spare change, you can always treat me to something nice!"

"I knew it. You just want to mooch off our success." Miura clicked her tongue. "Get your own money to fuel your addictions."

"No way~ that's so much work…" Ebina let herself slide off her seat a bit, her head reaching the backrest of the chair before she stopped. "Hikigaya~ tell her to share her success. Or share a bit of your own when the time is right. I know you'll just look for a position to stay close to Komachi-chan anyway. You don't need the money either."

Hachiman couldn't help mimicking Miura in her disappointment.

"No way. That'd be the fruit of my own labor." After all, keeping unwanted attention out of his sister's way was already a commitment of time and effort. And he'd finally get paid to do it, so what gives? That's honest and well-earned money!

"Nah, imagine if she became an idol. She can probably get away with supporting you. So please~"

"She's not becoming an idol." Hachiman growled. "Having boys away from her sounds good, but you'd be insane if you think I'll let those assholes submit Komachi to whatever they do to their victims."

"Uwaaa… He's on full siscon mode…" Ebina looked a bit grossed out, like they didn't routinely have her display her own gross behavior in public. "But I guess it makes sense. Boys would be off-limits. But what about girls? She'd be around them aplenty."

Hachiman stared at her for a moment, seeing the mischief in her face. Knowing that she was messing with him.

Then, just as suddenly, he remembered how close Komachi's friends were. Hugs, pet names, one-on-one hangouts…

"…Pests. All of them…"

"Great. You just made it worse." Miura furrowed her brows when she saw Hachiman's expression turn into one of anger.

"Girls' love might not be as rotten as boys' love, but it has its own appeal…"

"You're not helping!" Miura insisted. "And you, stop. Please don't make this any weirder. Like, literally don't say a single thing about this anymore."

Hachiman clicked his tongue, looking away while crossing his arms.

"You two are so annoying…"

"Yumi-chan just doesn't understand Hikigaya's position. Always surrounded by pretty girls, always having to defend his body." Ebina straightened her back, sitting properly before hugging herself and moving her shoulders like she wanted to mimic a worm moving. "Ah… He has to save himself up for the right prince to turn into a brute when…!"

"I can't do this." Hachiman closed the book he had in front of him, groaning with the pain of someone being embarrassed in public and feeling eyes on his back. Silently judging him from afar. "Couldn't you just hit her harder?"

"I once gave her a concussion though…" Miura looked troubled while her friend released small noises, deep in her own hallucinations. Making the blonde seriously consider Hachiman's question, weighing the consequences against the short-term victory that it'd give them.

"That explains some things, huh."

"C'mon, Hina. You're actually gonna get us kicked out this time." Miura shook the girl while looking around, now looking more embarrassed than mad. "People are staring."

Hachiman covered his face with both hands, shaking his head and letting Miura deal with that. He was never good with embarrassment, so he couldn't help wonder why he even bothered with Ebina sometimes.

What had Yui seen in this girl anyway…?

"…"

"Hmmm? Hikigaya?" Ebina stopped her absurd behavior all of a sudden, blinking at Hachiman with some worry in her voice.

Right. Even though he'd been thinking about Hoshino, it's not like Hachiman would arrive at a satisfactory reasoning. At a way to solve a puzzle that had no prize for being solved. It's not like Hachiman was actually capable of fixing the broken things in front of him. Had he ever actually done so? Had he actually achieved anything at all?

"Hikio? Are you alright?"

It made him feel even worse. Thinking about a girl's wellbeing while he shut the closet with all his might, keeping the skeletons tightly locked and out of sight. Like he could turn a page and continue on like nothing had happened. Like the girls in front of him didn't know how slothful, how sloppy he actually was.

"Hey, hey." Ebina tapped the table twice. Bringing Hachiman out of his thoughts. He didn't realize when his hands had turned into fists. "You okay there, my dude?"

It's not like Hachiman had actually helped anyone successfully.

"No." Hachiman tried to soften his features, but he didn't manage to. "I… I have too many things in my head."

"See? This is why I don't wanna get involved." Ebina crossed her arms, pursing her lips and balancing her pen on them. "It's too much trouble for little gain."

Miura didn't immediately respond, looking at Hachiman as he schooled his features. Pushing back against the thoughts that haunted him.

"Y'know, I was wondering if something happened that you didn't tell us about…" Miura spoke slowly, unjudging. Weighing if she should say it or not for Hachiman's benefit. "…But I guess asking would just become another mess, huh."

Hachiman scoffed.

"I see. Welp…" Miura sighed, shaking her head like she couldn't believe Hachiman's behavior. "At least tell us if it's something actually dangerous, or maybe it's something only you would worry about?"

Hachiman's thoughts stopped for a moment to let him glare at the blonde.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, you have a bad habit of wasting time thinking about pointless stuff." Miura shrugged. "Things like 'should I do this?' or 'maybe it'd be better if I don't'. Things like that. You're awfully good at it too. So there's that."

Hachiman opened his mouth, keeping it like that for a moment before closing it.

"I mean, you always find ways to feel bad about yourself. It's been like this since the beginning." She put her elbow on the table, resting her cheek against her hand to give Hachiman a bored look. "Isn't that why you're here? To clear your thoughts?"

Hachiman wanted to growl, but he instead just glared at the blonde.

"I can't just stop thinking, Miura. It might be easy for you. But that's not my case."

"Hikigaya…" Ebina looked worried now, but her blonde friend just scoffed.

"Fine. But it's so weird to see you this engrossed in your own thoughts nowadays." Miura motioned to the table, and turned to regard the rest of the library. "C'mon, give everything its time and place."

Again, Hachiman opened his mouth but didn't say anything. Not immediately, at least.

"Its time and place, huh…"

Ebina gave her blonde friend a look, seeing Miura's smugness grow a bit. It seemed to give Ebina enough relief to sigh. To school her features enough to return to her neutral expression.

"I guess what Yumi-chan is trying to say is that it's rare to you see you so worked up about something." Ebina scratched her cheek, meekly looking away from the two other people. "It feels like you're more… Alive, although not in the way we'd like to see."

…Alive? Well, certainly, he didn't feel as empty as before. He had things to worry about, puzzles to piece out, people he had to take into account…

Their gazes felt heavy even though they weren't directed at him. They exchanged a silent agreement; it usually came to this. When things got rough, these two were usually on different sides of the board. Except in topics like this one, except when it came to Hachiman's relationships. Like they agreed to treat him with a kids' gloves. Like they were careful to sidestep this particular problem all the time.

Hoshino's pace was relentless, showed no restraint. This much was true.

But, on the other side, Hachiman had been sedentary. Almost static for a good chunk of his college life. Things rarely changed, and in talking about this he could tell that the girls had been paying attention to his mood. The compassion they'd shown him when he couldn't give them much more in the wake of Yukino's absence.

He knew where that compassion came from, had tried to shrug them off because of it in the beginning.

"…Guess I'm worrying about the wrong things." Hachiman smiled with renewed bitterness, remembering the exchange he had with Ebina after the concert.

Hoshino's situation had truly swept the rug from under him, forced him into a reactive position. And in doing so, he'd more or less woken up from a slumber he'd not noticed he had fallen into.

Problems, more problems, and more problems. It was always like this. Ever since he attended high school. Even his relationship with Yukino didn't go anywhere without them.

Had he always depended on having something to do, something to solve, to be able to do anything? To feel like trying new things was worth something?

"Well." Miura looked a bit embarrassed, looking away while she spoke. "I think you're at your best when you're worried about others."

Hachiman didn't know what to say.

No. He knew exactly what he should say, he simply didn't have the guts to say it.

"Are you saying that as my friend…" He spoke slowly, voice small. "…or as Yui's friend?"

Miura was startled by the mention of that name, but only for a split second. A momentary reaction that might as well have been an illusion. Like Hachiman didn't avoid mentioning her like his life depended on it.

"I don't know." She lifted her chin, managing to pull off a haughty expression with just that one change. "What do you think?"

Hachiman pressed his lips together.

"I hope it is as hers." Hachiman put his hands on his lap, balling his fists until his nails dug into his skin. "Because… That way, you'd be biased in her favor."

Miura tilted her head, still looking down on Hachiman.

"Y'know, there was a point where I honestly hated you. You're slow, crude, and I was pretty sure Yui pulled back from everyone because of you." Miura looked at Ebina, giving her the same haughty look that she was using for Hachiman. "And then, she asks us to look out for you? What gives? That totally doesn't make sense. It looked to me like you were taking advantage of her kindness."

Hachiman nodded along, feeling Miura's words dig into his psyche in just the right way. Making him feel worse, but validating him all the same.

"But then, I saw you and… Damn, you really are something else."

Hachiman frowned and lifted his eyes.

"You didn't sink. You tried, however half-assed or weak the effort, but you still tried. I think Yui knew this. And that's why you were the one to be left alone. With all the questions and worries." Miura's tone became less judgmental, but she didn't pity him. "So we tagged along, did as we were asked. And… Guess what? We're still here. Not out of a strange request to actually take care of you, but because you tried. Because, as slow as you are, you didn't sink. You've been trying to swim up all this time… And I think that's what's important."

"For what it's worth, we'd love for you two to meet again, talk, make amends." Ebina added, with her tone becoming sweet in a way that Hachiman hadn't heard before.

"…You must think I'm pathetic."

"Eh… A pathetic man doesn't bag an idol or saves her life by accident." Ebina moved her hands like they were weights, balancing out Hachiman's words to her own with the same seriousness she'd weigh what kind of soda she wanted to drink. "Unless that's what she's into? I don't know."

Hachiman didn't need to hear that. It only made his already confused feelings even harder to pull apart.

"Are you two actually a thing? Like, I don't mean to question your feelings but…" Miura looked away, clearly making her statement to be judgmental. "I don't know, it feels like you're cheating on a nice girl's honesty."

"I-err-ugh…" Hachiman physically recoiled from the accusation, feeling it change the context of what they'd been through while at Hiratsuka's house.

What could he possibly describe their relationship as? Acquaintances? A fling? Even without taking into account the wound that was being poked at, it still felt wrong describing his relationship with Hoshino as that. They barely knew each other, barely did anything together. It's not like they went all-out either. Or like he'd even imply that they'd done anything but talk that night.

…And he was walking directly into her domain, huh.

He could almost feel her fingers tracing lines in his hair. It gave him goosebumps.

"Ah… Don't let me hear you say anything else." Ebina put her hands out, waving them from side to side to stop the conversation. "I don't wanna know. I'm satisfied with your progress. Let's leave it at that."

Progress, huh…

"No. We're not dating or anything." Hachiman finally said, mulling over this conversation to counter the mixed feelings he had.

"Is… Is Yui alright?" Hachiman frowned again, deeper than usual that is. It felt as though calling out her name made his chest hurt but, at the same time, each time it became easier. More natural.

"…" Miura and Ebina exchanged a look.

"What?"

"Well, of course she's fine." Ebina looked at him like he was crazy. "If she wasn't, do you think we'd be here? Spelling things out to you?"

"You're luck she's fine." Miura frowned at him.

"Ah… Well… Right." Of course. What else was he expecting? They were her friends before his. It'd be hypocritical to expect preferential treatment over her. "You would not forgive me if that wasn't the case."

"Glad we're on the same page." Miura stated.

"I don't think you can actually do anything to hurt her as things stand." Ebina pointed out.

"Ah… I see…"

"So… Y'know." Ebina let herself push onto the backrest of her chair, shrugging. "Take your time."

Why should I keep waiting?

Hachiman closed his eyes for a moment, hearing Hoshino's defeated tone with a very uncomfortable clearness.

"Take my time, huh." What had he told her? Something that he'd told himself too many times.

You have to live with your choices.

Hadn't that always been the case? When he had his first relationship, when Yui's dad lost his job, when he died soon after. All the things he didn't say, all the things that he'd rather have kept to himself. All the choices he made, all the choices that allowed others to make for him.

Haruno had called him sloppy, a coward. Hiratsuka had told him to take one step at a time, to let the wounds heal; even if she hadn't specified whose.

The people that remained didn't call him anything. They just… Waited. Let him take his time, make his own choices.

Even though things don't happen as he'd like.

He picked up his phone and placed it right in the middle of the table. Miura lifted an eyebrow in confusion and looked at him, questioning without actually speaking.

Perhaps this was one of the reasons why Hoshino's real face had stuck with him so much.

"I'm scared." He confessed. "I… I can't do this alone."

"Ummm, this isn't how it works." Miura frowned even deeper.

"It's close enough!" Ebina snatched the device away, earning a glare from her friend. "What? We're here to help. That's what friends do."

Miura didn't look very convinced.

"I guess…"

That's right. Hoshino's situation helped see things in a new perspective, do things that he'd be otherwise too scared to even confess.

If he can't do it alone, then he'd ask for help. If he was too weak on his own, then he'd rely on others. Just the same way as he'd help them. He'd struggle, argue, obsess over every detail, and negotiate every step of the way. And he'd see other struggle, argue, obsess over things, and negotiate with him in return. He wasn't Haruno to pretend that he could tackle everything on his own. He didn't have the skill or the resolve, he didn't have the attitude. The one thing he could do was to think, to understand. To see things in the way only he could. And give it his all while asking others to do the same. He'd take the hands offered to him, and extend his own to those willing to take it. For a long time, he'd been alone.

Right now? Or even while everything was going to hell? That hadn't been it. He hadn't had to deal with everything alone. He hadn't been allowed to do it alone.

This is it, the thing that he was looking for. The one thing that Hoshino didn't seem to understand, that she'd turned her back to in her own pursuit for that special something that she obsessed over. And something to keep in mind for the next time they met.

This is it. Hachiman's answer to the dark, to the pain, to the trauma and memories that he couldn't forget. To the story that followed him, to the promises that he couldn't keep but wished to; to the best of those that left, and the worst of those who chose to remain.

This is it; this is something genuine.