The Mayhem Critic
Aloha, my fellow readers. It is I, the great James Stryker, and welcome back to another hilarious chapter of The Mayhem Critic. First off, I would like to apologize for the wait on the L.A. Law chapter. Both UltimateWarriorFan4Ever and I were pretty busy. Plus, I've been going through some personal stuff which kept me down. A couple of weeks ago, I recently found out that my father has stage 4 cancer. Yeah, I was pretty depressed. I haven't been close to my father and I just wish that was and that I spent some time with him. I just can't imagine myself losing a father. I remember the first time I saw my father, was on Father's Day of 2003 and I was 11 years old at the time. I love my father and I don't want to lose him. Everyone, I want you to keep me in my prayers and pray for my father. Now, that I got that off of my chest, it's update time. Last time, Sean and Lucas reviewed the pilot episode of L.A. Law and gave their thoughts about it. Let's just say, the pilot episode is still excellent. Today, Sean the Mayhem Critic travels back to the year 1978 as he takes a look at one of the greatest college-themed comedies of all time. And that movie happens to be National Lampoon's Animal House. It's been 45 years since we were introduced the merry band of party animals of Delta House, but does this film still hold up pretty well or has it aged poorly like a rusty beer keg? We'll find out today in the newest chapter of The Mayhem Critic. Enjoy.
P.S.: I do not own anything involved in this story. All rights and references are owned by their respective sources. National Lampoon's Animal House is owned by Universal Pictures.
Episode 212
National Lampoon's Animal House
(The Mayhem Critic intro is shown. After the intro ends, we open with our favorite residential movie critic Sean J. Archer, a.k.a. the Mayhem Critic sitting on his couch as he prepares to talk about the topic of today's episode)
"Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. I'm Sean the Mayhem Critic, the critic that rips movies a new one." Sean said. "Let's talk about college-themed movies."
(We see various photos of college-themed comedies being shown in a montage)
Sean: (Narrating) Back in the '80s, '90s and '00s, there were a bunch of college-themed comedies that we all know and love. (Posters of Revenge of the Nerds and Real Genius are shown) We had movies like Revenge of the Nerds and Real Genius that shows how awesome us nerds are in science and what happens when you mess with us. (A picture of Rodney Dangerfield as Thornton Mellon in Back to School is shown) You had a comedy that shows an old guy can go back to college in Back to School. (Posters for Old School, National Lampoon's Van Wilder, The Rules of Attraction and Road Trip are shown) And then, you have the raunchy college-themed comedies like Old School, Van Wilder and others. (Posters for movies like Higher Learning, Drumline and Monsters University are shown) And then you have other college-themed movies that tend to be dramatic, while others are comedic. And you know what, these movies show us that college was awesome and it can be fun sometimes.
"And what's the perfect college-themed movie that shows us how hilarious college can be with a group of party animals? That movie happens to be National Lampoon's Animal House." Sean said.
(The title screen for the movie "National Lampoon's Animal House" is shown, followed by clips from the movie while the song "Animal House" by Stephen Bishop plays in the background)
Sean: (Narrating) Released in 1978, this seems like an idea so ridiculous. Hell, I thought it was about a movie involving talking animals in a house. But no, it was about a bunch of troublemaking party animals in a fraternity. The movie was produced by Matty Simmons and Ivan Reitman, (posters for movies like National Lampoon's Vacation, Ghostbusters and Ghostbusters II, National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation and Kindergarten Cop are shown) who would go on to work on some pretty successful movies. It was also written by Harold Ramis, Douglas Kenney and Chris Miller, this movie was inspired by Ramis', Miller's and Reitman's experiences fraternities. (Pictures of Harold Ramis, Chris Miller and Ivan Reitman are shown with their fraternities) Ramis' fraternity was the Zeta Beta tau fraternity at Washington University in St. Louis, Miller's was Alpha Delta Phi at Dartmouth College in New Hampshire and Reitman's was at McMaster University in Hamilton, Ontario. And on top of all that, this movie was directed by John Landis, who just finished directing The Kentucky Fried Movie back in 1977. But before Landis was approached to direct the film, other directors like Richard Lester and Bob Rafelson were approached by the producers to direct the movie. Let's just say that Landis is the perfect choice for this movie. I'm sure it's in capable hands. Unless, you want me to bring up the Twilight Zone incident involving Vic Morrow and those two kids. Okay, that's a bit grim, let's move on. This movie also has an ensemble cast of characters who would also go on to do some other great films in their career, while… (A picture of John Belushi with the caption "JOHN BELUSHI, 1949-1982" is shown) …uh, yeah. You know, let me stop being grim here. Does this movie still hold up after 46 years? Well, let's not waste any time and find out.
"This is the legendary comedy for those of you who haven't seen or heard of this movie, then shame on you. This is National Lampoon's Animal House." Sean said.
(The movie opens with two college freshmen named Larry Kroger and Kent Dorfman, played by Tom Hulce and Stephen Furst, seeking a fraternity and we see that the year is 1962)
Sean: (Narrating) The movie let's us know that it takes place in 1962…
"And a lot of things happened back in 1962. The Cuban Missile Crisis was going on." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) I should also point out since this movie is directed by John Landis, you know the movie's music is going to be composed by either Ira Newborn or Elmer Bernstein. So, Elmer Bernstein is the composer for this movie. Which is funny because whenever I hear Elmer Bernstein's music score in a movie, I think of his music score from Ghostbusters.
(The Faber College theme composed by Elmer Bernstein plays in the background. Then, we cut to Ghostbusters as we hear Elmer Bernstein's music score for the movie)
"Gotta love Elmer Bernstein's music in movies. He can make the music score either dramatic or he can give it a goofy, comedic flair to it. Just take a look at some of the movies he worked on." Sean said.
(We get a montage of movies like The Great Escape, Stripes, Spies Like Us, The Black Cauldron and Leonard Part 6 with Elmer Bernstein's music score playing)
"Okay, I still can't believe that he composed music for a really shitty Bill Cosby movie. This just baffles me." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) As the credits roll, we're introduced to Larry Kroger, played by Tom Hulce, and Kent Dorfman, played by Stephen Furst. They're freshmen at Faber College who are looking to pledge a fraternity.
(Larry and Kent come across the prestigious Omega Theta Pi house. Larry straightens his tie and he looks at the beanie on Kent's head)
Larry "Pinto" Kroger (Played by Tom Hulce): Take off that beanie.
Kent "Flounder" Dorfman (Played by Stephen Furst): Hey, we're supposed to wear it until homecoming.
Larry "Pinto" Kroger: Don't be a fruit, okay?
"Besides, he wants to look good for a certain dancing gypsy who's smoking hot." Sean said, referring to Esmerelda from The Hunchback of Notre Dame and a picture of her appears right next to him.
Sean: (Narrating) They arrive at the Omega Theta Pi house party and they are greeted by one of the members of the fraternity Douglas C. Neidermeyer, played by Mark Metcalf.
Douglas C. Neidermeyer (Played by Mark Metcalf): Doug Neidermeyer, Omega membership chairman.
Larry "Pinto" Kroger: Larry Kroger. This…
(Neidermeyer closes the door on Kent right when he's about to enter)
Larry "Pinto" Kroger: This is my roommate, Kent Dorfman.
(Kent enters)
Douglas C. Neidermeyer: Hi, there. Doug Neidermeyer. And these are our nametag hostesses Mandy Pepperidge and Babs Jansen.
(Mandy and Babs shake Larry and Kent's hands)
Barbara Sue "Babs" Jansen (Played by Martha Smith): Hi there, Kent. Hi, Larry.
Larry "Pinto" Kroger: Hi.
Barbara Sue "Babs" Jansen: Welcome to Omega House.
Larry "Pinto" Kroger: Thank you. Nice to…
(Niederman interrupts Larry)
Douglas C. Neiderman: Why don't we just go inside and meet some of the guys, huh?
"Man, The Maestro from Seinfeld was a total dick in college, wasn't he?" Sean asked.
(As Neiderman takes Larry and Kent to go meet with the others, Mandy and Babs start laughing)
Barbara Sue "Babs" Jansen: A wimp and a blimp. (Laughs)
"Wow, what a bitch." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Neiderman shows them to the other members, but it's just a way to send them with the other rejects. And we're also introduced to other members of Omega House, Greg Marmalard played by James Daughton and Chip Diller played by a surprisingly young Kevin Bacon.
Greg Marmalard (Played by James Daughton): We do have more than our share of campus leaders. Something that never looks bad on your permanent record, Chip.
Chip Diller (Played by Kevin Bacon): Well, sure. Everybody I talk to says Omega's the best, but I hate to seem… (Turns around and sees Kent and makes a disgusted look) …you know, pushy.
Greg Marmalard: Let the unacceptable candidates worry about that because after tonight they're… (Sees Kent) You are…
(Kent shows off his name badge)
Greg Marmalard: Kent. I'm Greg Marmalard, President of Omega House. And I'd like you to meet my friends, Mandy Pepperidge…
Mandy Pepperidge (Played by Mary Louise Weller): Hello.
Kent "Flounder" Dorfman: Hi. (Shakes her hand) We already met.
Greg Marmalard: …and Chip Diller.
Chip Diller: How are you?
Kent "Flounder" Dorfman: Hi. How are you?
Greg Marmalard: And over there is Terry Auerback, captain of the swim team and that's Carl Phillips, editor of The Daily Faberian, (shows him to the other rejects and Larry) and Clayton, Sidney, Jugless, Mohamet, Lonnie…
Kent "Flounder" Dorfman: Yeah, we already met.
Greg Marmalard: Oh, super! Then you'll have lots to talk about, huh? Yeah.
(Greg walks away)
"Wow, what a charmer." Brian said in a sarcastic tone.
Sean: (Narrating) Larry and Kent leave the Omega House after being ostracized by the members, so Kent suggests that they visit the Delta Tau Chi house, which is next door to them and since Kent's brother was a Delta, that makes him a legacy.
Larry "Pinto" Kroger: Great. I heard Delta's the worst house on campus.
(A mannequin is thrown out of a window and lands in front of Larry and Kent)
Sean: (V/O as Fraternity Member) Hey, can somebody return my naked mannequin lady, please?
Sean: (Narrating) They arrive at the rowdy Delta House, and they meet…
Kent "Flounder" Dorfman: Excuse me, sir. Is this the Delta House?
John "Bluto" Blutarsky (Played by John Belushi): (Turns around and pees on Kent and Larry before he zips up his pants) Come on in.
"Easily one of the best damn characters of all time." Sean said with a smile on his face.
Sean: (Narrating) The late John Belushi plays John Blutarsky a.k.a. "Bluto", Belushi was already becoming a household name in television with Saturday Night Live. Aside from being one of the greatest comedians on the show, he also worked on a couple of movies like Steven Spielberg's war comedy 1941, Continental Divide and Neighbors with his SNL co-star Dan Aykroyd. And before I forget, he also starred in The Blues Brothers, one of my favorite musical comedies of all time. And in this one, this is one of my favorite performances from him.
John "Bluto" Blutarsky: Grab a brew. Don't cost nothing.
"Remember when Lucas and I mentioned that L.A. Law had an ensemble cast? This one definitely have an ensemble cast." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Yeah, this movie has some familiar faces that you might recognize. Some of the actors are comedic and some are dramatic actors that just show off their comedic chops and they give it their all knowing the material that they're working with. Hell, you even have one of the actors who became a successful television director in sitcoms. (A picture of actor/director James Widdoes is shown) We'll get to you later. In fact, let me introduce you to some of the members of Delta House: you have Katy played by Karen Allen. Which surprised me to see her in a comedy. Hell, I recognized her in Raiders of the Lost Ark as Marion. You also have Chapter President Robert Hoover a.k.a. "Hoov" played by James Widdoes, who would go on to direct various sitcoms in his career. Ladies' man Eric Stratton "a.k.a." Otter played by Tim Matheson, who you might recognize him as Mike Beardsley from the 1968 version of Yours, Mine and Ours, Fletch, Black Sheep and as Vice President John Hoynes in The West Wing. You have Donald Schoenstein a.k.a. "Boon" played by Peter Riegert, who would also go on to play Lt. Mitch Kellaway in The Mask and Ronald Zellman in The Sopranos. And then you have this daredevil named Daniel Simpson Day a.k.a. "D-Day" played by Bruce McGill, who would go on to play Jack Dalton in MacGyver and Det. Vince Korsak in Rizolli & Isles. Whew! Boy, talk about one hell of a lineup.
Katy (Played by Karen Allen): Hi. You want a beer, Larry?
Larry "Pinto" Kroger: Sure.
(Katy gives Larry a beer and before he takes a sip, he noticed some fish in a fish tank shaped like a woman's breasts)
Katy: Nice fish, huh?
(Larry chuckles)
"Oh, I'm sorry. I wasn't paying attention to the fish." Sean said, imitating Pinto.
Robert "Hoov" Hoover (Played by James Widdoes) Hi, Larry. I'm Robert Hoover, Chapter President.
Larry "Pinto" Kroger: (Shakes his hand) Hi, Robert.
Robert "Hoov" Hoover: Katy, have you seen Boon?
Katy: He disappeared the minute we got here.
Robert "Hoov" Hoover: He's probably upstairs talking to Otter.
Katy: No doubt. They're well-known homosexuals.
Robert "Hoov" Hoover: (Laughs) Have another beer, Larry. She's just kidding. (To Bluto) Right, Bluto?
(Bluto crushes a beer can with his head and Katy laughs)
"Still the best damn character in the movie." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Otter is busy getting ready for a hot date tonight and him and Boon start talking about women. And I'm not sure, but this is how fraternity guys act in the 1960s.
Eric "Otter" Stratton (Played by Tim Matheson): Does this ring a bell? (In falsetto) "Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God!"
Donald "Boon" Schoenstein (Played by Peter Riegert): Marlene. Don't tell me you're gonna pork Marlene Desmond.
Eric "Otter" Stratton: Pork?
Donald "Boon" Schoenstein: You gonna hump her brains out, aren't you?
"Brian! Yo, Brian!" Sean called out.
"Yeah, Sean." Brian said.
"Are you going to hump your fiancée's brains out, aren't you?" Sean asked.
"Hump? Dude, we're not even married yet. I should ask the same about you, since you and Taylor have sex before marriage." Brian said.
"I can tell you this, Taylor is a screamer in the bedroom." Sean said before turning his attention to the audience. "I know, us guys are scum and we apologize."
Eric "Otter" Stratton: Why are you so interested in my social life? Where's Katy?
Donald "Boon" Schoenstein: Downstairs, pissed off about something.
Eric "Otter" Stratton: She thinks you're an immature jerk, huh?
Donald "Boon" Schoenstein: Yeah. I don't take anything seriously.
(Otter grabs a bag and unzips it, then opens it)
Eric "Otter" Stratton: She'll take this seriously. (Pulls out a dildo) Try it.
"Dude, I don't think she'll take it seriously. I remember giving a dildo to Taylor as a gag gift for my birthday, she got so pissed off at me, she started beating me with it." Sean said.
"Yeah?" Brian asked.
"Yeah. Let's just say that after she beat me with it, she ended up sticking it in a place where the sun don't shine." Sean said.
"Yikes." Brian said while he took a sip of his lemonade iced tea.
Sean: (Narrating) D-Day literally crashes the party by driving his motorcycle while Otter meets with some of the new members of the fraternity since he's the Rush Chairman. Also…
(D-Day plays the William Tell Overture with his throat)
"And 46 years later, he's still got it." Sean said as a clip of Bruce McGill playing the William Tell Overture with his throat during an interview is shown.
Sean: (Narrating) Otter and Boon makes Larry and Kent feel welcome at the fraternity since Kent is a legacy and his brother was part of Delta House. But then, Boon has some lady problems of his own when Katy leaves the fraternity. So, he tries to woo her.
Donald "Boon" Schoenstein: Um. Maybe we could drive up to your folks' place this weekend.
Katy: Oh, fabulous. My car, filled with your beer buddies going up to empty my parents' liquor cabinet. It's too depressing to think about.
Donald "Boon" Schoenstein: No. Just gonna be you and me, and Otter and another girl.
Katy: Is this really what you're gonna do for the rest of your life?
Donald "Boon" Schoenstein: What do you mean?
Katy: I mean, hanging around with a bunch of animals, getting drunk every weekend.
"I mean, they don't call the movie Animal House for nothing." Sean said.
Donald "Boon" Schoenstein: After I graduate, I'm gonna get drunk every night.
(Boon dances with Katy and hums the tango, then falls in her arms)
Katy: Boon, I think I'm in love with a retard.
Donald "Boon" Schoenstein: Is he bigger than me?
(Katy drops Boon to the ground)
"Well, let's just say that this guy is not a retard. He's much intelligent, he's a globe trotter looking for mysterious artifacts and he beats up Nazis. But, he's a tad bit afraid of snakes." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) We're then introduced to the main villain of the movie Dean Vernon Wormer, played by John Vernon, who does a brilliant job playing the menacing authority figure in a comedy. Yeah, Ed Rooney, Dr. Philip Barbay and Richard Vernon wish that they this menacing than this guy.
Dean Vernon Wormer (Played by John Vernon): Who dumped a whole truckload of Fizzies into the swim meet? Who delivered the medical school cadavers to the alumni dinner? Every Halloween, the trees are filled with underwear. Every spring, the toilets explode.
Greg Marmalard: You're talking about Delta, sir.
Dean Vernon Wormer: Of course I'm talking about Delta, you twerp!
"Just who do you think I'm talking about? This guy?" Sean asked as a picture of Spencer Shay from iCarly is shown.
Sean: (Narrating) But Dean Wormer has a plan to get rid of the pesky Deltas because of their wild antics and their poor academic standing.
Dean Vernon Wormer: This year, we're going to grab the bull by the balls and kick those punks off campus.
Greg Marmalard: What do you intend to do, sir? Delta's already on probation.
Dean Vernon Wormer: They are?
Greg Marmalard: Yes, sir.
Dean Vernon Wormer: Oh. Then as of this moment, they're on double secret probation.
Greg Marmalard: Double secret probation, sir?
Dean Vernon Wormer: There is a little-known codicil in the Faber College constitution which gives the Dean unlimited power to preserve order in time of campus emergency. Find me a way to revoke Delta's charter. You live next door. Put Neidermeyer on it. He's a sneaky little shit, just like you, right? The time has come for someone to put his foot down… and that foot is me.
"Isn't that what he said when he became the biggest crime lord in Gotham City?" Sean asked as a picture of Rupert Thorne from Batman: The Animated Series is shown.
Sean: (Narrating) Speaking of Delta House, the Deltas accept Larry and Kent as Delta pledges and they do this by breaking into their room and wake them up by spraying a fire extinguisher on them and… (Sees Hoov wearing a Native American hat with horns and laughs) Oh, Jesus. What the hell is he wearing on his head?
"I'm sorry, are they being pledged or are they about to become part of the Loyal Members of Water Buffaloes?" Sean asked.
Robert "Hoov" Hoover: I… state your name.
All: I… state your name.
Robert "Hoov" Hoover: Do hereby pledge allegiance to the frat.
All: Do hereby pledge allegiance to the frat.
Robert "Hoov" Hoover: Uh… With liberty and fraternity for all.
All: Amen.
Robert "Hoov" Hoover: (To Bluto) Sergeant at Arms. Do your duty.
John "Bluto" Blutarsky: From now on, your Delta Tau Chi name is Weasel. From now on, your name is Mothball. Kroger, your Delta Tau Chi name is Pinto.
Larry "Pinto" Kroger: Why Pinto?
"Because you look like a bean, alright?" Sean said, imitating Bluto.
Kent "Flounder" Dorfman: Well, what's my Delta Tau Chi name?
John "Bluto" Blutarsky: Dorfman, I've given this a lot of thought. From now on, your name is Flounder.
Kent "Flounder" Dorfman: Flounder?
"Why Flounder? Does he look like the character from The Little Mermaid?" Sean asked as a picture of Flounder is shown.
Sean: (Narrating) Pinto and Flounder are accepted as Delta pledges and they celebrate by partying and getting drunk. While next door, we see that Chip is accepted into Omega House and they do this by…
(We see Marmalard, Neidermeyer and the other two members wearing cloaks while the new members and Chip are in their underwear)
Douglas C. Neidermeyer: Assume the position.
"What the fuck?" Sean asked as he makes a disturbed look on his face.
(Chip bends over as Neidermeyer spanks his butt with a paddle)
Chip Diller: Thank you, sir! May I have another?
(Neidermeyer spanks Chip once more and he has a look of satisfaction on his face)
Chip Diller: Thank you, sir! May I have another?
(Neidermeyer spanks Chip once more)
Chip Diller: Thank you, sir. May I have another?
(Marmalard smiles and we cut back to Neidermeyer spanking Chip once more)
"What the hell did I just witness?!" Sean asked.
Sean: (Narrating) Did I witness some weird homosexual orgy going on? Is this the real "Board of Education" right here? Either that or it's Nick Adams, Sean Hannity and Ted Cruz . on a Friday night. But what makes this scene so funny was Kevin Bacon's line right when Neidermeyer is busy smacking his ass with the paddle.
Chip Diller: Thank you, sir! May I have another?
Sean: (Narrating) And let's not forget the look on Neidermeyer's face. He's enjoying that way too much. I think his sadistic sexual urges are getting to him.
"Tell me you want another, boy. Tell you want it hard." Sean said, imitating Neidermeyer while hitting something with a paddle.
Brian: (V/O as Chip) Thank you, sir! May I have another?
"You like that don't you, bitch?" Sean asked, imitating Neidermeyer once more while he hits something with a paddle.
Brian: (V/O as Chip) Thank you, sir! May I have another?
Sean: (Narrating) We then cut to an English class being taught by Professor Dave Jennings, played by Donald Sutherland, as he talks about John Milton's Paradise Lost, while everybody in the classroom look like they're not interested. Hell, I would be bored too if I was in a class being taught by Lucien Wilbanks from A Time to Kill.
Professor Dave Jennings (Played by Donald Sutherland): The most intriguing character, as we all know from our reading, was… (Writes on the chalkboard) Satan. Now was Milton trying to tell us that being bad was more fun than being good? (Takes a bite out of an apple)
(None of the students answer and the sound of crickets chirping plays in the background)
Professor Dave Jennings: Okay. Don't write this down, but I find Milton probably as boring as you find Milton. Mrs. Milton found him boring, too. He… He's a little bit long-winded. He doesn't translate very well into our generation and his jokes are terrible.
(The bell rings as the students leave the classroom)
Professor Dave Jennings: But that does not relieve you from your responsibility for this material. Now, I'm waiting for reports from some of you. Listen, I'm not joking. This is my job.
"Teach a law class, man." Brian said.
Sean: (Narrating) We see Bluto acting like a perv while he looks underneath Mandy Pepperidge's skirt while her and Babs are talking about sex, we see that Flounder has joined the ROTC until Neidermeyer shows up and makes his life a living hell as Otter and Boon witness this while playing golf.
Douglas C. Neidermeyer: (To Flounder) You fat, disgusting slob. You're a goddamn disgrace!
Donald "Boon" Schoenstein: A vicious mother, isn't he?
Eric "Otter" Stratton: Yeah. He can't do that to our pledges.
Donald "Boon" Schoenstein: Only we can do that to our pledges.
Douglas C. Neidermeyer: Redo those buttons. Dress that belt buckle. Straighten that cap. And goddamn it, tuck up those pajamas! Attention! Eyes front! (Notices Flounder's pledge pin) What's that on your chest, mister?
Kent "Flounder" Dorfman: It's a pledge pin, sir.
Douglas C. Neidermeyer: A pledge pin? On your uniform?
"Man, I can see that Neidermeyer was a total asshole to his students in his classroom." Sean said.
(A clip from the Twisted Sister music video "I Wanna Rock" is shown)
Teacher (Played by Mark Metcalf): School has begun, the summer is over. I am in command.
"Let the fun begin." Brian said as he sips his tea.
(Boon takes a swing and hits the golf ball)
Donald "Boon" Schoenstein: Hooked it. Shit.
(The golf ball breaks the cafeteria kitchen window. The ball flies in and plops into a huge vat of soup while the lunch lady is stirring it with a ladle and tastes it)
Sean: (V/O as Lunch Lady) Hmm, needs more grass)
(We then cut to Boon as he takes another swing and hits the golf ball)
Donald "Boon" Schoenstein: Slice.
(The ball breaks through another window and shatters a pitcher of water on Dean Wormer's desk, causing the water to spill all over his papers. He looks up irritated)
"Candice, get me my shotgun." Sean said, imitating Dean Wormer.
Sean: (Narrating) Neidermeyer continues to bully Flounder and has him report to the stables every night as punishment for him wearing a pledge pin until Otter gives him a little taste of karma.
Eric "Otter" Stratton: Your left arm is straight, but you're not keeping your head down.
Douglas C. Neidermeyer: (His dialogue is replaced by lines from "We're Not Gonna Take It") YOU ARE A DISGUSTING SLOB! ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME?! WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO WITH YOUR LIFE?!
Sean: (V/O as Otter) I wanna rock!
(Otter takes a swing at the golf ball and manages to hit Neidermeyer's horse on the butt, making him buck wildly)
Eric "Otter" Stratton: Always try to hit through the ball.
(Neidermeyer's horse continues to buck wildly)
Douglas C. Neidermeyer: Whoa, big fella. Whoa, whoa.
(Otter takes one more swing at the golf ball)
Douglas C. Neidermeyer: Trooper, whoa...
(Neidermeyer is hit in the head with the golf ball. He then falls off of Trooper and is dragged by the horse through the field as he screams)
(A clip from Riverdale is shown)
Veronica Lodge (Played by Camila Mendez): Karma's a bitch.
Sean: (Narrating) Later, Boon, Katy and Pinto head over to Mr. Jennings' place and we see that he's a pretty laid-back guy. I mean, look at him. He has a guitar, cats and listens to music just to unwind after a long day of teaching. What an awesome guy.
Professor Dave Jennings: Would anybody like to smoke some pot?
"Huh?" Sean asked.
Donald "Boon" Schoenstein: Yeah.
(Professor Jennings smiles at them)
Professor Dave Jennings: You ever smoked before?
Donald "Boon" Schoenstein: Sure.
Katy: When did you ever smoke pot?
Donald "Boon" Schoenstein: I've done a lot of things you don't know about.
Katy: Yeah?
"Got any wine?" Brian asked, imitating Boon.
(Professor Jennings pulls the blinds down and we cut to Pinto, who just watches him. Jennings then locks the door and turns the lights off, A look of terror appears on Pinto's face as Jennings smiles at them)
"Okay, that look of terror on Pinto's face is priceless." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) That is the look of a man who's fearing for his life. Plus, that smile on Donald Sutherland's face cracks me up every time. Hell, it looks like he's been taken over by the pod people from Invasion of the Body Snatchers.
"What also makes this scene pretty funny is that you have President Snow, Marion Ravenwood, Lt. Kellaway and Mozart in the same room smoking a joint. I never thought of smoking weed with my English professor back in college. Yo, I want what they're smoking. I've got an upcoming review of the Mean Girls remake that I have to get through." Sean said.
(Jennings passes the marijuana to Pinto)
Larry "Pinto" Kroger: I won't go schizo, will I?
Professor Dave Jennings: There's a distinct possibility.
Sean: (V/O as Jennings) You might turn into Mozart.
(Pinto takes the joint and smokes it for the first time)
Larry "Pinto" Kroger: Is this right?
(Pinto covers his mouth right when smoke comes out)
Professor Dave Jennings: Just try not to drool quite so much on the end of it.
(Pinto smokes it, then he tries to hold it in until he coughs, causing the candles to go out and make the room dark)
Sean: (V/O as Jennings) Damn it, Kroger! You dropped the joint! Hold on, let me light another one up.
(Jennings lights up another joint)
Sean: (V/O as Jennings) There we go.
Donald "Boon" Schoenstein: (Sings) Hey, hey, Paula. I wanna marry you
Katy: (Sings) I wanna marry you.
(Boon and Katy continue to sing "Hey Paula" while stoned)
"Dude, I want what they're having, literally!" Sean exclaimed.
Larry "Pinto" Kroger: Okay. So that means that our whole solar system could be like one tiny atom in the fingernail of some other giant being. (Laughing) This is too much. That means that one tiny atom in my fingernail could be...
Professor Dave Jennings: Could be one little tiny universe.
We cut back to Sean as we see that the whole room is filled with smoke as he starts smoking a joint.
"Have you ever noticed that it's a great big universe and we're all really puny? We're just tiny little specks about the size of Mickey Rooney. That is some philosophical shit right here. And boy, am I hungry for some ribs. I think the effects from the joint is getting to me." Sean said as he starts laughing.
Larry "Pinto" Kroger: Could I buy some pot from you?
(Jennings looks at Pinto)
"He needs it in preparation for Amadeus in six years. Milos Forman is gonna love his performance." Sean said while eating some ribs. "Mmm, this is some damn good barbecue."
Sean: (Narrating) Flounder is busy cleaning the stables when Neidermeyer's horse Trooper starts freaking out when Flounder tries to calm him down until Neidermeyer shows up to act like a douche towards him some more.
Douglas C. Neidermeyer: Dorfman, for God's sake, what kind of man hits a defenseless animal? I've got a good mind to smash your fat face. (Slaps Flounder)
Kent "Flounder" Dorfman: Yeah, but...
Douglas C. Neidermeyer: Now listen up, you nauseating pile of blubber, your days are numbered here at Faber. You and all your sick Delta buddies. Meantime, your ass belongs to me. Now, drop and give me 20!
(Flounder looks down at the ground and sees a pile of horse poop)
"Now, that's a shitty way of making somebody do push-ups." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) As Neidermeyer continues to act like a dick towards Flounder, Bluto and D-Day show up to help out their fellow member and to get even with Neidermeyer.
Daniel Simpson "D-Day" Day (Played by Bruce McGill): Do you hate that ying-yang?
Kent "Flounder" Dorfman: Who?
John "Bluto" Blutarsky: Neidermeyer. You hate his guts, right?
Kent "Flounder" Dorfman: I guess so.
John "Bluto" Blutarsky: You guess so?
Kent "Flounder" Dorfman: Yes, I hate him. I hate his guts.
Daniel Simpson "D-Day" Day: Good. Now, we have an old saying in Delta, "Don't get mad. Get even." (Whispering) Now, what we're gonna do is...
(We cut to Bluto as we see him running outside. He then slips and falls in the grass)
"Okay, that was a totally unscripted moment right there. And it was pretty funny." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Bluto channels his inner Solid Snake as they take Neidermeyer's horse into Dean Wormer's office to pull the ultimate prank, which involves Flounder shooting the horse. But here's the thing: the gun has blanks in it.
(Flounder enters the office and points the gun at Trooper. Trooper starts to freak out)
Sean: (V/O as Trooper, in his Mr. Ed voice) Hey, what are you doing with that gun? Put it down! Don't kill me! I'm just a harmless horse.
(Trooper calms down. Flounder couldn't bear himself to shoot the horse. He fires the gun up in the air and we cut to a freeze frame shot of the horse as it bellows. We cut back to Bluto and D-Day as they hear the sound of the horse hitting the ground. A look of shock appears on their faces as they run into the office to check it out, only to find Neidermeyer's horse dead)
John "Bluto" Blutarsky: Holy shit!
Daniel Simpson "D-Day" Day: There were blanks in that gun.
(D-Day grabs the gun from out of Flounder's hand)
Kent "Flounder" Dorfman: I didn't even point the gun at him.
John "Bluto" Blutarsky: Holy shit!
Daniel Simpson "D-Day" Day: There were blanks in that gun!
Kent "Flounder" Dorfman: Maybe he had a heart attack.
John "Bluto" Blutarsky: Holy shit!
(The three of them start screaming and they run out of the Dean's office in a comic fashion)
We cut back to Sean as we see him breaking down in laughter.
"Okay, this has got to be one of the funniest scenes from the movie." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) What makes this scene pretty funny was the freeze frame shot of the horse. It gets me every time I watch the movie. It's dark, but at the same time pretty damn hilarious with some of Douglas Kenney's black comedy.
"And speaking of black comedy, I have to make this joke." Sean said.
Daniel Simpson "D-Day" Day: There were blanks in that gun./There were blanks in that gun!
"Isn't that what Alec Baldwin said while filming the movie Rust?" Sean asked.
Sean: (Narrating) The next day, Dean Wormer has a meeting with the town mayor Carmine DePasto, played by Cesare Danova, so they can talk about having the homecoming parade in his town.
Mayor Carmine DePasto (Played by Cesare Danova): If you want the homecoming parade in my town, you have to pay.
Dean Vernon Wormer: Carmine, I don't think it's right that you should extort money from the college.
Mayor Carmine DePasto: Look. As the mayor of Faber, I've got big responsibilities. And these parades are very expensive. You're using my police, my sanitation people, my three Oldsmobiles. So, if you mention extortion again I'll have your legs broken.
"Okay, did this guy use to work for the mafia? Why would you threaten to break his legs?" Sean asked.
Sean: (Narrating) Yeah, here's the thing about Mayor DePasto, the dude is corrupt and he's trying to extort money from the college to throw the homecoming parade. Also, don't you just love how there's a guy trying to figure out how to get the dead horse out of the office by measuring it and he resorts to using a chainsaw.
(The man starts the chainsaw as the scene cuts to Dean Wormer's secretary as she makes a look after she hears the chainsaw)
"Boy, that's gonna be one hell of a cleanup right here. Nobody ever thought about putting plastic on the floor or on the walls?" Sean asked.
Sean: (Narrating) We then cut to lunchtime in the cafeteria as Otter tries to hit on Mandy while Bluto works up one hell of an appetite by grabbing a bunch of food and taking a bite out of some of the food without paying. Aside from John Belushi being a comic genius, you have "Wonderful World" by Sam Cooke playing in the background. Yeah, aside from having composers like Elmer Bernstein and Ira Newborn working on his movies as well as Nile Rodgers, he tends to have old R&B music from the '50s and '60s in some of his films.
(Bluto approaches Neidermeyer's table and makes a horse snorting noise. Neidermeyer turns his head, but hurts himself. Bluto makes a neighing sound and smiles before walking away)
Brian: (V/O as Student) You hear something?
Sean: (Narrating) Otter continues to hit on Mandy until Greg, Chip and Babs join them and Bluto joins them at the table as well and he shows off his table manners.
(Bluto eats a hamburger while Greg, Chip and Babs look disgusted)
Greg Marmalard: Don't you have any respect for yourself?
(Bluto stares at them while he eats some Jello with his hand)
Barbara Sue "Babs" Jansen: This is absolutely gross. That boy is a P-I-G. Pig.
John "Bluto" Blutarsky: See if you can guess what I am now.
(Bluto stuffs some mashed potatoes in his mouth. He then smushes his cheeks to spit it out all over Greg, Chip and Babs)
John "Bluto" Blutarsky: I'm a zit. Get it?
"Did I mention that he's still one of the best damn characters in movie history?" Sean asked.
Greg Marmalard: (Grabs Bluto) All right, you bastard, let's go. Right here.
(The song "Let's Dance" by Chris Montez plays as Greg and Chip chase Bluto around the cafeteria while Neidermeyer tries to catch him as well as the ROTC members, but they end up bumping into Neidermeyer)
"Hey, dinner and a show! It's like I'm at Medieval Times!" Sean exclaimed.
Eric "Otter" Stratton: Hey, why don't we go out tonight?
Mandy Pepperidge: Otter, don't flatter yourself. It wasn't that great.
(Otter points to himself and mouths "Not great?")
"How could I be not great? I thought I was great in the sack. All the girls say I was great in bed." Sean said, imitating Otter.
Sean: (Narrating) And speaking of memorable quotes from the movie, here's one and a pretty hilarious moment.
John "Bluto" Blutarsky: (Yells) FOOD FIGHT!
(A food fight breaks out as the students in the cafeteria start throwing food at each other. We then cut to a clip from Blazing Saddles as Hedley Lamarr steps out of the restroom and sees the pie fight going on. A pie hits the door, missing him as he steps back into the restroom until we hear a splatter sound. Hedley steps out of the restroom after a pie is smashed in his face)
"Hey, still a better food fight scene than the actual Food Fight movie." Sean said as the poster for the 2012 animated film Food Fight is shown.
Sean: (Narrating) Later, we see that Greg is out on a date with Mandy. And yes, this is how people go out on dates in the '60s. They just sit in their cars and look at the stars. Also, this little spot is usually called "Makeout Point".
"And why do I call it that? Because people makeout in their cars." Sean said.
(Mandy is busy stimulating Greg with her hand)
Mandy Pepperidge: Anything?
Greg Marmalard: Maybe a little faster.
(Mandy moves her hand a little faster, stroking him some more)
"And sometimes people tend to do sexual stuff in cars, like giving a handjob in the car. Boy, y'all are sick." Sean said.
Greg Marmalard: I'll bet that Eric Stratton's lucky he's not in jail.
Mandy Pepperidge: I'll say.
Greg Marmalard: What? You'll say what?
Mandy Pepperidge: I'll say what?
Greg Marmalard: You said, "I'll say," when I said that Eric Stratton should be put in jail.
Mandy Pepperidge: I'm trying to figure out... Darn it, Greg. If you're not even gonna try, I'm just gonna stop.
Greg Marmalard: Mandy, I...
(Mandy moves her hand away and removes her gloves)
"Okay, I don't blame her for wearing gloves. She doesn't want his "Marmalard sauce" all over her hand."
Sean: (Narrating) Greg drops Mandy off at her sorority house while Bluto spies on her and suddenly, his voyeuristic tendencies start to kick in when he spies on the sorority girls having a pillow fight.
(Bluto is standing on a ladder while spying on the Tri Pi members having a pillow fight while they're semi-nude)
"Let the fun begin." Brian said.
(As Bluto continues to spy on the girls, he moves the ladder to the next window, which happens to be Mandy's window. He watches as he sees Mandy taking off of her clothes. He then looks at the camera, breaking the fourth wall and looks back at Mandy as she's not paying attention to him. We get an edited version, instead of seeing some nudity, we cut to Bluto as he falls to the ground while holding the ladder)
"And suddenly, it turns into a moment from Looney Tunes. Also, I bet Bluto got an erection from spying on the girls and watching Mandy stripping out of her clothes and seeing her naked. That massive hard-on of his caused him to go down with the ladder." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) It's midterm exam week and it's time to pass the exams. But then Chip switches the exams and replaces it with another, leading to Bluto an D-Day stealing the wrong exams, leading to them getting the wrong answers. Every. Single. One.
Donald "Boon" Schoenstein: Every one? (Looks at D-Day and Bluto) Those assholes must have stolen the wrong fucking exam.
"D'OH!" Sean yelled out in his Homer Simpson voice.
(Dean Wormer enters the Delta House, giving the Deltas an unpleasant surprise)
Eric "Otter" Stratton: Oh God, look what just creeped in.
Dean Vernon Wormer: Well, well, well.
(The Deltas immediately start hiding their beers)
Dean Vernon Wormer: Looks like somebody forgot there's a rule against alcoholic beverages in fraternities on probation.
Eric "Otter" Stratton: What a tool.
Dean Vernon Wormer: I didn't get that, son. What was that?
"Only John Vernon could make any performance so menacing. Why do you think that Keenen Ivory Wayans casted him in the role of Mr. Big in I'm Gonna Git You Sucka? Man, what an excellent actor." Sean said. "See? This just goes to show that..."
Suddenly, Sean is interrupted by Dean Wormer talking.
Dean Vernon Wormer: Put a sock in it, boy. Or you'll be out of here like shit through a goose.
"Yes, sir." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Dean Wormer informs the Deltas that their grade point average is the lowest in Faber history and that they're on double secret probation since the beginning of the semester.
Eric "Otter" Stratton: Double secret probation?
Dean Vernon Wormer: And that means, one more slip-up, one more mistake, and this fraternity of yours has had it at Faber.
(Dean Wormer leaves as Hoov tries to say something)
Donald "Boon" Schoenstein: Well, that was pleasant. Nice of him to stop by, don't you think?
"Still one of my favorite lines of all time." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) And with them being in serious trouble, there's only one thing they could do.
Boon and Otter: (Both) Toga party.
Robert "Hoov" Hoover: We're on double secret probation, whatever that is. We can't afford to have a toga party.
Eric "Otter" Stratton: You guys up for a toga party?
John "Bluto" Blutarsky: Toga! Toga!
Eric "Otter" Stratton: I think they like the idea, Hoov.
Robert "Hoov" Hoover: Oh, Otter, please don't do this.
"I don't want to spend the rest of my life directing episodes of Two and a Half Men while dealing with Charlie Sheen's crazy ass." Sean said, imitating Hoov.
Sean: (Narrating) Anyway, the "I's" have it and they agree to throw the toga party. So, they use Flounder's brother's car to drive up to the store to get some food for the party. Also, Boon and Pinto pull a move that you would see from World's Dumbest Criminals.
Larry "Pinto" Kroger: (Sees Boon fixing his sweater) What are you doing?
Donald "Boon" Schoenstein: I'm fixing your sweater. There you go.
(Boon clears his throat and he sticks meat in Pinto's sweater while Pinto laughs)
Donald "Boon" Schoenstein: Now, look. Stick by me, and keep your sweater closed.
Larry "Pinto" Kroger: Hey, I could get in trouble.
Donald "Boon" Schoenstein: That's right. So, be cool.
"You know, if this movie was made today in a modern setting, they would definitely get in trouble because the security cameras would catch them in the act." Sean said.
(Otter picks up a cucumber in front of a woman who's shopping)
Eric "Otter" Stratton: Mine's bigger than that.
Mrs. Marion Wormer (Played by Verna Bloom): I beg your pardon?
Eric "Otter" Stratton: Oh, my cucumber. It's bigger.
"Okay, get your mind out of the gutter, you perverts." Sean said.
Eric "Otter" Stratton: Vegetables can be really sensuous, don't you think?
Mrs. Marion Wormer: No. Vegetables are sensual. People are sensuous.
"Well, that's one way to flirt with women in the produce section." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) The older woman that Otter was trying to hit on happens to be Mrs. Marion Wormer, played by Verna Bloom, and she happens to be Dean Wormer's wife. Yikes.
Mrs. Marion Wormer: You still want to show me your cucumber?
"And immediately she wants to jump Otter's bones. Jeez, older women tend to hit on younger guys." Sean said.
Eric "Otter" Stratton: Well, we're having a little party at the Delta Tau Chi house tonight and you are cordially invited.
Mrs. Marion Wormer: I'm old enough to be your mother. Almost.
"Oh, please. Tim Matheson is a 30-year-old playing a 21-year-old and you were only 49 when you did this movie. So, technically, you're cool." Sean said as Tim Matheson and Verna Bloom's IMDB pages and the years that they were born are shown.
Sean: (Narrating) Back with Pinto, he gets caught by the checkout girl named Clorette, played by Sarah Holcomb respectively, and she's not gonna rat him out because she understands that it's a fraternity prank that he's pulling and Pinto takes a liking to her.
Larry "Pinto" Kroger: So if you're not busy, you wanna go to a fraternity party?
Clorette DiPasto (Played by Sarah Holcolmb): Will I be home by 12:00?
Larry "Pinto" Kroger: Sure. Any time you want. I'll pick you up at…
Clorette DiPasto: My dad would kill me if he knew I was going to a frat house. Is it okay if I meet you there?
Larry "Pinto" Kroger: Is it okay? (Smiles) It's terrific!
"Oh, don't worry. I'm sure it will be fine. Trust me." Sean said.
(We cut to the toga party as we see a beer keg being thrown out of a window)
Sean: (V/O as Delta Member) Goddamn it, Frank! I just fixed the window. Can somebody grab the beer keg?
Sean: (Narrating) We see that the Delta's are throwing a toga party, which is a wild one. And they have some Sam Cooke playing. Also, we get a cameo from one of my favorite singers of all time.
(A green arrow points to the man with a mustache playing the guitar and singing to the ladies. And we see the name "STEPHEN BISHOP" appear on screen)
Charming Guy with Guitar (Played by Stephen Bishop): (Sings) I gave my love a cherry that had no stone. I gave my love a chicken that had no bones. I gave my love a story that had no end. I gave…
(Bluto, getting annoyed by the guy's singing, grabs his guitar and smashes it against the wall, then hands it to him)
John "Bluto" Blutarsky: Sorry.
"Note to self: never annoy John Belushi with your singing." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Clorette arrives to the party and she drinks that Delta punch so quickly, she got herself some seconds. Also, they have a live band in the form of Otis Day & The Knights as they perform "Shout", which is sung by Lloyd G. Williams and lip-synched by DeWayne Jessie, who plays Otis Day. And doesn't this performance make you wanna get up and dance?
(We see Otis Day & The Knights performing "Shout" while everybody starts dancing and singing, We then cut to a scene from Cheers, where we see Carla dancing to the song around the bar. Followed by a OnePlus 90 Hz Smooth Moves commercial with Robert Downey Jr. dancing)
We then see Sean, who starts dancing to the song while spilling his blueberry lemonade all over the floor.
"I'M HAVING THE TIME OF MY LIFE!" Sean shouted.
Sean: (Narrating) Pinto is feeling lucky tonight as him and Clorette head upstairs to Hoover's room while Mrs. Wormer arrives to the party, plastered as shit, as she asks Otter for a drink and to get laid by him. And speaking of lucky, Pinto's about to get him some.
(While he's making out with Clorette, Pinto tries to unhook her bra, but he seems to have a little trouble)
"Damn hooks on the back. They tend to give you trouble. Hell, I never had that kind of trouble with Taylor." Sean said.
"Yeah, you have. Many times. Why do you think I get the ones that you hook from the front?" Taylor asked.
Larry "Pinto" Kroger: I think it's locked or something.
Clorette DiPasto: Just a minute.
(Clorette raises up as she pushes one of the bra straps down her shoulder and throws her gum away. She pushes the other strap to the side and reached behind to unhook her bra. Just as she does this, Pinto slides his hands up her body and into her bra. Suddenly, Clorette falls asleep and her bra comes off, along with some tissue paper to stuff her bra with)
"Oh, my God. Her boobs are made from tissue paper. What is this nonsense?!" Sean exclaimed, imitating Pinto.
Sean: (Narrating) Pinto sees that Clorette is asleep and he sees her small, yet perky boobs, until he's conflicted.
Devil: Fuck her. Fuck her brains out. Suck her tits. Squeeze her buns. You know she wants it.
(Pinto gets ready to have his way with her, but then the Angel side pops up)
Angel: For shame! Lawrence, I'm surprised at you!
Devil: Don't listen to that jack-off. Look at those gazongas. You'll never get a better chance.
Angel: If you lay one finger on that poor, sweet, helpless girl, you'll despise yourself forever!
(Pinto doesn't go through with it)
Angel: I'm proud of you, Lawrence.
Devil: You homo.
"Wow, that's dark, yet hilarious at the same time. Only this movie could make attempted rape funny when you know in real life, it's not funny." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Pinto drops a drunken Clorette off at her house in a shopping cart and he discovers that she's the town mayor's daughter. So, he ding dong ditched his ass outta here and Mayor DiPasto is not happy to see that his daughter is drunk and he has a conversation with Dean Wormer about it.
Dean Vernon Wormer: My fault? For Christ's sake, Carmine, how the hell could it be my fault? One of those goddamn fraternities, I guess. I don't know, but I got a pretty good goddamn idea which one! I'm gonna string them up by the balls! That's what I'm gonna do!
(He hangs up the phone as his drunken wife starts laughing and rolls off the bed)
"Well, he's taking it pretty well." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) The next day, Dean Wormer organizes a student court hearing led by the Omegas to kick the Deltas out of Faber.
Douglas C. Neidermeyer: The following charges are brought, first, that the Delta House did knowingly violate the rules governing pledge recruitment by serving alcohol to freshmen during pledge week and after established drinking hours.
Robert "Hoov" Hoover: I'd like to address these charges one at a time, if I may.
Dean Vernon Wormer: You'll get your chance, smart guy. Now, get on with it.
Douglas C. Neidermeyer: Second, that for the fifth consecutive semester, Delta has achieved a deficient aggregate grade point average.
Robert "Hoov" Hoover: Half the houses on campus didn't make grades last year.
Dean Vernon Wormer: You will speak when you're told to peak and not before!
"Okay, suddenly I had an image of John Vernon playing a judge in a courtroom comedy." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) With all the charges brought against them, I'm sure Hoov will get them out of this one. But instead, Dean Wormer tells Marmalard to shut up and we get one of the funniest moments ever.
Dean Vernon Wormer: Let's finish this damn thing.
John "Bluto" Blutarsky: Blowjob!
(All of the Deltas start coughing out "blowjob", while Dean Wormer asks Greg what it means)
Robert "Hoov" Hoover: I don't think it's fair!
Dean Vernon Wormer: I'll tell you what's fair and what's not!
John "Bluto" Blutarsky: Eat me!
Other Delta Members: Eat me! Eat me!
Robert "Hoov" Hoover: Will you tell those assholes to shut up?
Donald "Boon" Schoenstein: Hey, shut up, you assholes!
"That's a line that I'm gonna use next time when somebody is talking too much during the movie. Hopefully, I don't get my ass beat for this one." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating): But then, Otter makes his speech about the Deltas. And I love the bit where Otter winked at Dean Wormer and the dude makes a confused look on his face like, "what the hell was that for?". So after that speech, we see that Dean Wormer revokes the Deltas' charter and confiscates the contents of their house. And that's not the worst part.
(One of the movers trips over something and drops some bottles of liquor on the ground as Bluto yells in shock)
"The liquor! He killed the liquor! You bastard!" Sean yelled out.
(We then see the movers and a security guard taking a cow out of the house)
Sean: (Narrating) Oh, so there was a cow in the house. It was a literal animal house.
John "Bluto" Blutarsky: Goddamn son of a bitch! I'll kill you, you scumbag, jerk-off assholes!
Donald "Boon" Schoenstein: Jesus. What's going on?
Robert "Hoov" Hoover: They confiscated everything, even the stuff we didn't steal.
(Bluto slams the hood of the car in rage)
John "Bluto" Blutarsky: They took the bar! The whole fucking bar!
(Otter drives up and get out of the car. He walks over to the gang and grabs a bottle of Jim Bean whiskey from out of a box and tosses it over to Bluto. He catches it and opens the bottle up and he begins to drink the whole bottle)
John "Bluto" Blutarsky: Thanks. I needed that.
(Bluto smashes the bottle on the car)
"Like I said, still one of the best damn characters of the movie." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) With Delta House about ready to get kicked out of Faber, there is one thing that our heroes decide to do… go on a road trip in Flounder's brother's car. So, Otter, Boon, Pinto and Flounder arrive at Emily Dickinson College, an all-girls college, as Otter comes to pick up Fawn Liebowitz while posing as her fiancé Frank. But, here's the thing about Fawn, and we get a funny, yet dark explanation to why Fawn couldn't make it.
Shelly Dubinsky (Played by Lisa Baur): I don't know how to tell you. So, I'm just gonna tell you. Fawn's dead.
Eric "Otter" Stratton: She's dead? (Laughs) Did she put you up to this? Oh, that minx. What a lively sense of humor.
(Shelly shows Otter a newspaper article on Fawn's death)
Eric "Otter" Stratton: "Sophomore dies in kiln explosion." Oh, my God.
"I couldn't help but laugh at this moment. I tell you, dark humor in movies is funny." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) But aside from hearing about Fawn's death, Otter does score a hot date with her roommate and three other dates for his friends and they continue their road trip and they arrive at a roadhouse bar, where they see that Otis Day & The Knights are performing. But here's the thing about their clientele.
(We see that the patrons of the Dexter Lake Club are all black. The music stops as everyone look at the Deltas and their dates and they're the only white people in the bar)
Eric "Otter" Stratton: We are gonna die.
"Okay, mind you that this takes place in the '60s." Sean said.
Larry "Pinto" Kroger: Boon, we're the only white people here.
"And yet, you're in an all-black bar. You know they don't take kindly to white people hanging out in a place like this. No ifs, ands or buts, but you're gonna die." Sean said while laughing.
Sean: (Narrating) Otter leaves out of the bar with Lisa following him and he gets lucky with her after playing the grieving fiancé, while Boon, Pinto, Flounder and their dates, uh…, have some angry looking black men getting ready to kill them for their dates.
Gigantic Dude (Played by Jebidiah R. Dumas): Do you mind if we dance with your dates?
Donald "Boon" Schoenstein: Why, no, not at all. Go right ahead.
(The gigantic dude grabs the table and takes Boon's date)
Meanest Dude (Played by Reginald Farmer): If I was in your shoes, I'd be…
Donald "Boon" Schoenstein: Leaving. What a good idea.
(Boon, Pinto and Flounder run out of the bar screaming and enter their car, interrupting Otter and Lisa. Lisa screams as she gets out of the car and jumps into another one)
Donald "Boon" Schoenstein: Compose yourself, Otter. We got to get out of here!
(Boon backs into another car)
Kent "Flounder" Dorfman: The Negroes took our dates!
(Boon crashes into another car)
Kent "Flounder" Dorfman: Oh, my God, Boon! Please be careful!
(Boon continues to back into another car, damaging it some more)
Kent "Flounder" Dorfman: Be careful! That's gonna cost hundreds of dollars to fix!
"Screw the car! You guys are gonna die!" Sean exclaimed while laughing.
Sean: (Narrating) The next morning, Boon tries to call Katy, but she's not answering his call and he senses that there's something wrong with their relationship.
Kent "Flounder" Dorfman: Women. Can't live with them, can't live without them.
(Otter and Boon both glare at Flounder)
"Dude, not helping." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Meanwhile, Greg and the Omegas are making their float for the homecoming parade as Babs shows up to tell him that Mandy couldn't make it and also to tell him that Otter and Mandy are having an affair behind his back. But then, Greg has a plan to get back at Otter for sleeping with his girl. While that's going on, Otter and the Deltas return with Fred's car that's badly damaged, which makes Flounder cry. So, Bluto tries to cheer him up.
(Bluto tries to cheer up a crying Flounder by crushing a beer can on his head and smashing a beer bottle on his head. He keeps crying)
Daniel Simpson "D-Day" Day: Hey, hey! Stop blubbering. When I get through with this thing, you won't even recognize it.
Eric "Otter" Stratton: Hey, come on. Flounder. You can't spend your whole life worrying about your mistakes. You fucked up. You trusted us. Hey, make the best of it. Maybe we can help you.
Kent "Flounder" Dorfman: That's easy for you to say! What am I gonna tell Fred?
"Well, you can tell him this: your friend was driving wildly while y'all were trying to get away from some angry black men. I'm sure he'll buy this story." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) While D-Day fixes up Fred's car, Boon heads over to Katy's place, only to learn that she was sleeping with somebody else. And that other guy happens to be Professor Jennings. And speaking of bad luck happening to the Deltas, Otter heads up to a motel to meet with Mandy, but it turns out to be a trap set by Greg and the Omegas and they end up beating the crap out of him. And the bad luck continues as Dean Wormer gets the Deltas midterm grades, so he tells some of the other Deltas their grades.
Dean Vernon Wormer: Mr. Kroger, two C's, two D's and an F. That's a 1.2 grade average. Congratulations, Kroger, you're at the top of the Delta pledge class. Mr. Dorfman.
Kent "Flounder" Dorfman: Hello.
Dean Vernon Wormer: Zero point two. (Takes his glasses off) Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life, son.
"That line tends to crack me up every single time." Sean said.
Dean Vernon Wormer: Mr. Hoover, president of Delta House, 1.6. Four C's and an F, a fine example you set. Daniel Simpson Day has no grade point average. All courses incomplete. Mister…
(Wormer looks up and sees Bluto with two pencils stuck up his nostrils)
Dean Vernon Wormer: Mr. Blutarsky. Zero point zero.
"One of my favorite scenes. Also, what happens next?" Brian asked.
Sean: (Narrating) Wormer expels them all from Faber and that he notified the local draft boards that they're eligible for military service. But the news doesn't sit well for Flounder.
Dean Vernon Wormer: Well?
(Flounder tries to say something)
Dean Vernon Wormer: Well?
(Flounder continues to struggle to talk)
Dean Vernon Wormer: Out with it.
(Suddenly, Flounder ends up vomiting on Dean Wormer and we cut to the secretary's reaction. Afterwards, we cut to a clip from Knightmare)
Treguard, the Dungeon Master (Played by Hugo Myatt): Ooh, nasty!
Sean: (Narrating) Later, we see that Greg is out with Babs and she's busy giving him a handy in the car while he gloats about how the Deltas won't be giving them any more trouble. Also…
(Babs stops stroking Greg and she looks down)
Barbara Sue "Babs" Jensen: Greg, honey, is it supposed to be this soft?
"An erectile dysfunction joke in the '70s. Now, we know why Marmalard can't get it up." Sean said.
(Cut to the Deltas as we see Bluto lying on the floor)
John "Bluto" Blutarsky: Christ! Seven years of college down the drain. Might as well join the fucking Peace Corps.
"Don't worry, Bluto. At least you'll be one of the Blues Brothers and go on a mission from God to get the band back together." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) As you can see, things aren't looking good for the Deltas as they're all expelled. Also, Otter returns after getting the shit kicked out of him by the Omegas. And just as though they're just going to give up, Bluto gives them one of the greatest speeches in movie history.
John "Bluto" Blutarsky: Hey! What's this lying around shit?
Dwayne "Stork" Storkman (Played by Douglas Kenney): Well, what the hell are we supposed to do, you moron?
Daniel Simpson "D-Day" Day: War's over, man. Wormer dropped the big one.
John "Bluto" Blutarsky: What? Over? Did you say, "over"? Nothing is over until we decide it is! Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? Hell, no!
(Otter and Boon look at each other in confusion)
Eric "Otter" Stratton: Germans?
Donald "Boon" Schoenstein: Forget it, he's rolling.
John "Bluto" Blutarsky: And it ain't over now because when the going gets tough, (Everyone in the room stays silent) the tough get going! Who's with me? Let's go! Come on! (He runs out of the room, yelling. The others don't follow as he heads back into the room) What the fuck happened to the Delta I used to know? Where's the spirit? Where's the guts, huh? This could be the greatest night of our lives, but you're gonna let it be the worst. "We're afraid to go with you, Bluto. We might get in trouble." Well, just kiss my ass from now on! Not me! I'm not going to take this! Wormer, he's a dead man! Marmalard, dead! Neidermeyer?
Eric "Otter" Stratton: Dead.
"Dude, at least let him finish this awesome speech." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Man, I can imagine either Imogen from Pretty Little Liars: Original Sin or Hanna from Pretty Little Liars making that speech. Hell, even Dustin from Stranger Things making that speech. And what makes this speech even more awesome is Otter's speech after Bluto's.
Eric "Otter" Stratton: We got to take these bastards. Now, we could fight them with conventional weapons, but that could take years and cost millions of lives. No, no, no. No. In this case, I think we have to go all out. I think this situation absolutely requires a really futile and stupid gesture be done on somebody's part.
John "Bluto" Blutarsky: We're just the guys to do it.
(Boon and D-Day stand up from off of the couch)
Donald "Boon" Schoenstein: Let's do it.
John "Bluto" Blutarsky: (Yells) Let's do it!
(A clip from Police Academy 2: Their First Assignment is shown)
Older Cop: Let's kick ass!
(The older cop fires his gun up in the air as the other officers scream and duck down)
Sean: (Narrating) While D-Day and Bluto work on making Fred's car more awesome in preparation to get even with their enemies, Pinto goes to visit Clorette. And before waking up our girfriends with our cellphones, we tend to throw pebbles at their bedroom windows.
(Pinto throws a pebble at Clorette's bedroom window. No response. He throws another one at her window. Again, no response. He then throws a rock at her window, breaking it as she wakes up and turns her light on. She opens the window and sees Pinto.
Clorette DePasto: Tommy?
Larry "Pinto" Kroger: (To himself) Tommy? (To Clorette) Hi.
Clorette DiPasto: Hi.
Larry "Pinto" Kroger: I'm Larry. Remember me, I took you to the party?
Clorette DiPasto: Wait a minute.
"Let's hope that she doesn't get drunk again." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Pinto and Clorette go out and they makeout in the middle of a football field as they get ready to get lucky, until they reveal the truth to each other, which leads to a pretty hilarious reveal.
Larry "Pinto" Kroger: I lied to you, I've never done this before.
Clorette DiPasto: You've never made out with a girl before?
Larry "Pinto" Kroger: No. No, I mean, I've never done what I think we're gonna do in a minute. I sort of did once, but I was…
Clorette DiPasto: That's okay, Larry, neither have I.
(Pinto smiles as he prepares to take his shirt off)
Clorette DiPasto: And besides, I lied to you, too.
Larry "Pinto" Kroger: Oh, yeah? What about?
Clorette DiPasto: I'm only 13.
(Pinto stops in the middle of taking his shirt off looks at Clorette with a surprised look on his face)
"What makes this scene even more funny is that the actress was only 19 at the time when she did the movie. Yeah, a 19-year-old playing a 13-year-old and she doesn't even look 13." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) We then come to the film's climax as the we see that Faber is throwing a homecoming parade and we see that the Deltas arrive, looking shady as hell wearing sunglasses like they're wannabee CIA agents. Also, Katy shows up looking for Boon, Just as the parade is going on, the Deltas drive a cake float to the parade. With Stork leading the marching band into an alley, Hoov latches a chain onto a parade float, and all hell breaks loose.
(A bunny parade float breaks apart and brings down a telephone pole. It then crashes, causing a woman dressed as a Playboy bunny to fly into a boy's room while he's reading a Playboy magazine and she lands on his bed)
Lucky Boy (Played by Sean McCartin): Thank you, God!
"Still one of my favorite jokes from the movie." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) The Deltas unleash hell on the streets by making Marmalard's boys act like a bunch of fools by making them slip on marbles while Chip is telling everybody to remain calm. Then, they unleash their secret weapon.
(Mayor DiPasto is busy strangling Dean Wormer as Greg sees something)
Greg Marmalard: (Points) Look!
(Everybody starts looking as the "Deathmobile" appears from out of the smoke. It drives around and stops as Bluto pops out from the back of the car and we see that he's dressed as a pirate)
Dean Vernon Wormer: Oh, my God.
"Let the chaos begin." Brian said.
(Otter pops out from out of the "Deathmobile" and him and Bluto salute each other. Bluto pounces on the ROTC members and gets chased by them and he climbs on top of a building while the "Deathmobile" revs up)
Eric "Otter" Stratton: Let's take the cheese.
(The "Deathmobile" heads straight to the reviewing stand as some of the people move out of the way, leaving Marmalard, Wormer, Mayor DePasto and their wives behind)
Dean Vernon Wormer: I hate those guys.
(Otter and Boon start yelling)
Daniel Simpson "D-Day" Day: Ramming speed!
(The "Deathmobile" rams into the reviewing stand, tossing Marmalard, Wormer, DePasto and their wives into the air)
Kent "Flounder" Dorfman: Oh, boy, this is great!
(The crowd is still screaming while chaos reigns the streets)
Chip Diller: All is well!
Mrs. Marion Wormer: You can take your thumb out of my ass any time now, Carmine.
Chip Diller: Remain…
(Turns around and sees a crowd of people running towards him and they trample him to the ground a la Looney Toons-style)
Sean: (Narrating) And therefore, happy ending! The Deltas are victorious and we get some of the futures of the Deltas revealed, leading to them having some unexpected success: Hoov becomes a public defender in Baltimore, Maryland, Pinto becomes an editor for National Lampoon Magazine, Otter gets payback on Marmalard and he becomes a gynecologist in Beverly Hills, California.
(Neidermeyer grabs a ROTC member's rifle and sticks a live round inside as Flounder gets ready to approach him with a seltzer bottle)
Kent "Flounder" Dorfman: Hey, Neidermeyer!
(Neidermeyer turns around and sees Flounder as he takes aim and shoots the bottle out of Flounder's hand)
"Jesus Christ! He's using live ammunition! Is he insane?" Sean asked.
(But before he could shoot Flounder, Neidermeyer gets dragged away by a parade float)
"Bye-bye!" Sean exclaimed while he waived at the camera.
Sean: (Narrating) As for the other members: Flounder becomes a sensitivity trainer for Encounter Groups of Cleveland, Inc., D-Day's whereabouts are unknown, Boon and Katy got married in 1964, then they divorced in 1969. And some of the Omegas have some less unfortunate outcomes that are pretty funny: like Marmalard, who became a Nixon White House aide and he got raped in prison in 1974 and Neidermeyer, who got shot and killed by his own troops…
"Which explains that little reference in Twilight Zone: The Movie during the first segment of the film." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Also, Babs became a tour guide at Universal Studios, Hollywood.
"So, whenever you're in Hollywood, visit Universal Studios. Make sure you ask for Babs." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) As for Bluto, he married Mandy Pepperidge and he became a United States senator. And I bet ya, Bluto was an awesome senator. The end.
"And that was National Lampoon's Animal House and it still holds up today as one of the funniest comedies of all time." Sean said.
(Clips from the movie are shown once more)
Sean: (Narrating) It's hard to make fun of a movie that I really like. It's comedic gold. You have some of the funniest jokes, the comedy is laugh out loud funny and you have a great cast of characters that holds this movie together. Also, did I mention John Belushi being the best part of the movie? If you ever happen to have it on DVD or come across it on Netflix, then give it a watch if you're in the mood of a good laugh. Just stay away from the sitcom Delta House, it's not that good. But the only good thing about the show was Michelle Pfeiffer. Yeah, that show was one of the earlier works in her career. Animal House is the perfect college comedy that you gotta watch. National Lampoon's Animal House gets 5 beer kegs out of 5.
"Well, that's all the time we have for today. I'm Sean the Mayhem Critic and I'll see you guys next time." Sean said before he gets up from off of the couch.
Mayhem Critic Tagline- Well, that was pleasant. Nice of him to stop by, don't you think?
And that is all for the review. I hope that you all enjoyed the review of the movie. If you've seen the movie Animal House, what were your favorite moments, lines and characters from the movie? My favorite character of all time is Bluto, my favorite moment from the movie would have to be the horse's death scene. It is one of the funniest moments from the movie that tend to make me laugh. And my favorite line from the movie would be Boon's line after Dean Wormer leaves the house. Yeah, that movie has a bunch of quotable lines ever. Next time on The Mayhem Critic, we move on from comedy to action as Sean the Mayhem Critic reviews the 1993 action-thriller Hard Target. Is this one of Jean-Claude Van Damme's finest and one of John Woo's best movies or does this movie deserve to be hunted down? Then, it's time for another commercials special as Sean and Lucas tackle another batch of commercials in Rogue One: Commercials XII. Hope you're all excited for that and the review of Hard Target. Make sure to review the new chapter, add this story to your favorites and follow it for future updates. If you have any requests for a nostalgic movie or a television show for me to review, feel free to ask away. I'll see you guys next time. Till next time, my fellow readers