The Mayhem Critic
Aloha, my fellow readers. It is I, the great James Stryker and welcome back to another hilarious chapter of The Mayhem Critic. Previously, Sean the Mayhem Critic reviewed the 1978 comedy classic National Lampoon's Animal House and had a ball reviewing it. Today, our favorite residential movie critic is going to review one of the greatest action movies of all time. And that movie happens to be Hard Target, one of the first U.S. films directed by John Woo and stars Jean-Claude Van Damme. Does this film still hold up to be one of the best films from Van Damme and Woo or does it deserve to be hunted down and show with arrows? Well, sit back, relax, grab yourself a cold one to drink and enjoy the new chapter of The Mayhem Critic. Enjoy.
P.S.: I do not own anything involved in this story. All rights and references belong to their respective sources. Hard Target is owned by Universal Pictures, Alphaville Films and Renaissance Pictures.
Episode 213
Hard Target
(The Mayhem Critic intro is shown. After the intro ends, we open with our favorite residential movie critic Sean J. Archer, a.k.a. the Mayhem Critic, sitting on his couch as he prepares to talk about the topic for today's review)
"Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. I'm Sean the Mayhem Critic, the critic that rips movies a new one." Sean said. "Ummm, I wanna talk about Hard Target."
(Sean holds up the Ultra 4K DVD)
(The title screen for the movie "Hard Target" is shown, followed by clips from the movie while the song "Born on the Bayou" by Creedence Clearwater Revival plays in the background)
Sean: (Narrating) Yeah, I think it's about time that I talk about this movie and it's the right time. I just wanna talk about this awesome 1993 action-thriller. Is it so wrong?
"HELL, NO!" Sean yelled out
Sean: (Narrating) Released in theaters on August 20th, 1993. Man, 1993 was an excellent year for movies, this movie is an adaptation of Richard Connell's short story "The Most Dangerous Game", and also a one of the few adaptations based on the short story involving people hunting people for sport (Posters for various films like The Woman Hunt, the 1932 film adaptation of The Most Dangerous Game, Turkey Shoot, Deadly Prey, Surviving the Game, The Pest, Ready or Not, Tremors: Shrieker Island and The Hunt are shown). The film stars the "Muscles from Brussels" himself Jean-Claude Van Damme, and this is the third movie from Van Damme that I'm reviewing on this show. I already reviewed Street Fighter and Double Impact. What's next? Am I going to review Universal Soldier? This film also marks the first U.S. film and the first Hollywood motion picture to be directed by a Chinese director, and that director happens to be John Woo (a picture of John Woo is shown), who's one of the greatest directors of all time and he's no stranger to the action film genre with films like Hard Boiled, The Killer, Broken Arrow, Face/Off and Mission: Impossible 2 (Posters for the films mentioned are shown). Universal Pictures were nervous about having Woo to direct a feature, so they sent in Sam Raimi to look over the film's production and to take Woo's place as director if he were to fail. Luckily, it went well because he and Van Damme both got along and Van Damme was a fan of Woo's films. The film got mixed reviews from critics, but it became a financial success. Over the years, the film became a cult classic and gained a cult following for it's action scenes and some call it one of Woo's best films and one of the best Van Damme movies of all time. Thirty-one years later, does this film still hold up together? (After seeing Van Damme's mullet) Oh, come on. You have Van Damme sporting a mullet, of course it's going to be awesome! But let's dive in and find out.
"Let's check out the most dangerous game and the perfect team-up... (A picture of Jean-Claude Van Damme and Dennis Rodman from the movie Double Team is shown) Yeah, we'll get to that one in the future. This is Hard Target." Sean said.
(The movie begins as we see a homeless United States Force Recon Marine and Vietnam War veteran named Douglas Binder getting chased by a group of hunters)
Sean: (Narrating) The movie begins as we see a homeless man getting chased by a group of hunters. Who are they trying to kill? The movie's writer, of course, Chuck Pfarrer (A picture of Chuck Pfarrer is shown).
(An arrow grazes the side of Binder's head)
"Either that or he's getting hunted down by some pretty harsh movie critics. Man, the Nostalgia Critic is taking that angry critic schtick too far. Is it because he wrote the screenplay for Barb Wire? I know the film sucked, but seriously." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Pfarrer plays Douglas Binder, a homeless United States Force Recon Marine and Vietnam War vet and with Mr. Pfarrer's experience as a former Navy SEAL, I'm sure he'll survive what's coming to him. Anyway, Binder is getting hunted down by a group of hunters and we see that this hunt is being led by wealthy sportsman and hunt organizer Emil Fouchon, played by Lance Henriksen.
Emil Fouchon (Played by Lance Henriksen); If he makes it to the river, he's won. We cannot allow that to happen, Mr. Lopacki.
"Ah, don't you just love their take on The Most Dangerous Game? Also, you have Lance Henriksen as the villain. How awesome is that?" Sean asked.
Sean: (Narrating) Binder evades a group of hunters on motorcycles and for the start of the movie, it's pretty intense. Hell, that dude even takes an arrow to the shoulder while he gets shot at by hunters with machine guns while evading explosions. Man, for a retired Navy SEAL, he's gonna make it out of this one pretty okay.
(A hunter named Mr. Lopaki, played by Robert Apisa, who is armed with a Swivel Machine Works Airrow A-8S Stealth air gun, takes aim at Binder while he tries to reach his destination. Mr. Lopaki shoots Binder in the shoulder blade with an arrow)
(A sound clip from Monty Python and the Holy Grail starts playing)
The Dead Body That Claims It Isn't: I'm not dead.
(Binder gets up and keeps walking as Mr. Lopaki shoots him in the upper leg)
The Dead Body That Claims It Isn't: I feel fine.
(Binder continues to walk across the bridge, but he breaks through the wood and holds onto dear life as he tries to climb back up, but then Mr. Lopaki shoots at him one more time, finishing him off with one more arrow. The arrow then hits Binder in the upper back as the tip protrudes from his chest)
"Oh. Nevermind. He's dead." Sean said.
The Dead Body That Claims It Isn't: I feel...
"Stop. No need to play that sound clip. That dude is dead as shit." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Also, I would like to point out that I'm reviewing the unrated international cut. The R-rated version had some intense violence cut out to avoid getting an NC-17 rating. Well, if that's the case, then why not make the film NC-17? But then again, the international cut is so much better.
Emil Fouchon: (To Mr. Lopaki) It's like a drug, isn't it? To bring a man down. Was it worth it?
Mr. Lopaki (Played by Robert Apisa): Every nickel.
Emil Fouchon: Good.
Sean: (Narrating) After that intense opening and seeing how evil our villain is, we're introduced to Natasha 'Nat' Binder, played by Yancy Butler. Nat is the daughter of the late Douglas Binder and he's her estranged father. So, she rolled into New Orleans to look for him. Ooh, she's really gonna feel bad about not keeping in touch with her father after this one.
Marie (Played by Lenore Banks): Yes?
Natasha 'Nat' Binder (Played by Yancy Butler): Hi, I'm... I'm- -I'm looking for Douglas Binder.
Marie: You a friend of Mr. Binder's?
Natasha 'Nat' Binder: No, I... I'm his daughter.
"Well, helloooooo, nurse! Looks like Binder's daughter is quite the knockout. But then again, we're talking about Yancy Butler here, she is attractive. But then I've read about her ruining her career with alcohol and drugs later in her life. Yikes." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) This kind old lady named Marie, played by Lenore Banks respectively, tells Nat about her father what a kind man he was and that he lost his job with the oil tool company. Also, when he moved out, he left a box behind till he could make up his rent. Also, Marie gives Nat the location to where her father could be. And that location happens to be Our Lady of Charity, a local mission where she meets Elijah Roper, played by Willie Carpenter.
Natasha 'Nat' Binder: Do you happen to know where he lives?
Elijah Roper (Played by Willie Carpenter): I'm- -I'm afraid your daddy… Well, he was like the rest of us, out of doors. You know?
"Wait a minute? He lost his doors?" Taylor asked, imitating Nat.
"No. No, what I'm trying to say is he is without a roof." Sean said, imitating Elijah.
"He lost a roof?" Taylor asked.
"HOMELESS! HE'S FUCKING HOMELESS, YOU STUPID BITCH!" Sean screamed out.
Sean: (Narrating) We take a break from Nat's search for her father, we cut to a restaurant where we are introduced to…
(We get a shot of Chance's eyes and a bowl of gumbo that he's eating)
Waitress (Played by Barbara Tasker): How is that gumbo, Chance?
Chance Boudreaux (Played by Jean-Claude Van Damme): A tragedy.
"That's what people said when they saw some of his direct-to-video movies." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) This is Chance Boudreaux, played by Jean-Claude Van Damme. Chance is a former Force Recon Marine and a sailor who's out-of-work. Also, he's homeless and he manages to sport one awesome mullet. Anyway, while Chance is enjoying his meal, Nat enters the restaurant and she whips out a bunch of money in a room where some scum could just rob her. And you know that this is a John Woo movie when you see one of his trademarks. And slo-mo is one of them.
(We see Chance walking out of the restaurant in slow motion and moves the door with his foot)
John Woo Trademark Counter: #1
(We then see Nat walking to her car while a group of muggers approach her)
Mugger #1: Hello, pretty lady.
Natasha 'Nat' Binder: Leave me the hell alone.
Mugger #1: We'll take the wallet.
(The mugger takes her purse while the other pulls on the bottom of her blouse)
Mugger #2: How about a little extra, honey?
(Nat pushes the first mugger and slaps the other in the face. The second mugger backhands her in the face in slo-mo)
John Woo Trademark Counter: #2
Chance Boudreaux: You having fun?
(The muggers stop what they're doing and they see Chance while the "Good, the Bad and the Ugly" theme plays in the background)
Mugger #1: Why don't you do yourself a favor, boy?
Chance Boudreaux: I think the favor is gonna be done for you.
(Chance helps Nat out and opens the car door for her)
Chance Boudreaux: It's okay.
(The mugger pulls out a knife)
Mugger #1: I said, get lost!
(Chance approaches the mugger with the knife)
Chance Boudreaux: Now, take your pig stick and your boyfriend and find a bus to catch.
Mugger #2: Oh, this guy is funny.
"Look, pal. Take your badass mullet, your dirty clothes and your black silk underwear and go back to Disneyland." Sean said, imitating a mugger.
(Chance moves his jacket to the side in slo-mo)
John Woo Trademark Counter: #3
Sean: (V/O as Chance) That's right. Take a look at my amazing package.
(Chance kicks a mugger in the face)
Sean: (V/O as Chance) Psyche! You get your asses kicked!
(Chance starts fighting the muggers)
Sean: (Narrating) We get a fight scene that's done very well with some slo-mo shots. Chance beats the ever-loving crap out of the muggers and he ends up taking a lesson from Steven Seagal by breaking a mugger's arm. So after he beats the shit out them, he hands Nat her purse and walks off just so Nat could get a good look at his glorious mullet. Anyway, Nat arrives at the New Orleans Police Station, where she meets a local detective by the name of Maria "May" Mitchell, played by Kasi Lemmons.
Detective Maria "May" Mitchell (Played by Kasi Lemmons): Can I help you?
Natasha "Nat" Binder: Yeah, I need to fill out a missing person report.
Detective Maria "May" Mitchell: Look, I just pulled a double shift. Why don't you catch me tomorrow.
(Nat stays silent)
Detective Maria "May" Mitchell: Okay. Why don't you catch me now. What is the name of the missing individual?
Natasha "Nat" Binder: Douglas Charles Binder.
Detective Maria "May" Mitchell: Relationship of reporting party?
Natasha "Nat" Binder: Daughter.
Detective Maria "May" Mitchell: Okay. You got a picture?
(Nat hands a picture of her and her father over to Detective Mitchell and she looks at it)
Detective Maria "May" Mitchell: (Looks at Nat) Got something a little more recent?
"I do. Just to let you know, he looks like Sean Bean from The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Rings." Sean said while he holds up a photo of Doug after he got killed.
Detective Maria "May" Mitchell: You got an address?
Natasha "Nat" Binder: I think my father was homeless. I didn't even know myself until I just came down here.
Detective Maria "May" Mitchell: Look, I'm not sure what you want me to do here.
Natasha "Nat" Binder: I want you to take my report.
Detective Maria "May" Mitchell: Well, generally, in order to be considered missing, you need somewhere to be missing from.
"Well, you're no help, lady. Jeez, this chick went from being in the FBI to working for then New Orleans Police Department. Hell, Lieutenant Tanner from Pretty Little Liars is a better cop than you." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) So yeah, since Detective Mitchell is no help at all, Nat decides to ask somebody else for help. So, she turns to the man with the glorious mullet himself as Nat tracks Chance down to the docks and offer him a job to help her find her father.
Natasha "Nat" Binder: How'd you like to work for me? I'll pay you 100 dollars a day.
Chance Boudreaux: For doing what?
Natasha "Nat" Binder: For 100 dollars, does it really matter?
"Unless you explain to me what kind of job you're hiring me, you better pay me more than 100 dollars." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Nat tells Chance that she needs him to find someone, but he turns her down since he's going to be a merchant seaman, but it doesn't go well since he owes some union dues.
Shop Steward (Played by Randy Cheramie): 217 bucks.
Chance Boudreaux: I'll pay that off on this cruise.
Shop Steward: No. Nobody ships out if they're in arrears, you know that.
Chance Boudreaux: How am I gonna pay my dues if I can't get the job?
"Well, you should've thought about that after you spent all of your money on hair products." Sean said, imitating the shop steward.
Sean: (Narrating) Chance promises to get the money before they sail out. So he sees Nat getting ready to leave and we get this awesome shot.
(Low rock music plays as the forklift carrying barrels moves away, revealing Chance as Nat takes off her sunglasses and sees him. Chance then starts walking in slo-mo)
John Woo Trademark Counter: #4
"Only John Woo can make Jean-Claude Van Damme walk in slow motion look so badass, that's one of my favorite shots of the movie." Sean said.
Chance Boudreaux: So, this guy you're looking for, he owes you money or something?
Natasha "Nat" Binder: He's my father.
Chance Boudreaux: Okay, I've changed my mind. I'll help you for two days, you'll pay me 217 dollars.
Natasha "Nat" Binder: (Smiles at Chance) It's a deal. You can drive.
Chance Boudreaux: I don't have a driver's license, ma'am.
"You do realize that I'm homeless, remember?" Sean asked, imitating Chance.
Sean: (Narrating) Chance takes the job and helps Nat with her search for her father and the two of them take some time to get to know each other for a bit as they arrive at the local mission and luckily Roper is there. Also, both Chance and Roper are friends and he has some information regarding her father and he found Doug's home and his sleeping bag in a cart and a suitcase with his clothes and letters that Nat has sent to him.
(Nat looks through the suitcase and picks up a framed photo of her and her parents. She then notice some flyers sitting in the cart for a phone sex line with a naked woman. Her breasts are censored by John Woo's face)
Chance Boudreaux: Don't be offended. He passed them out for money.
Elijah Roper: Yeah, I've had to do it myself.
"God forbid, I do not want to know what they were doing to those flyers." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) But this happens to be a clue leading to a seedy recruiter by the name of Randal Poe, played by Elliot Keener, who denies about knowing him.
Natasha 'Nat' Binder: Did he work for you, sir?
Randal Poe (Played by Elliot Keener): Maybe he did, maybe he didn't. I'm not too good with names.
(Chance strikes a match and we get another slo-mo shot while slow country music plays in the background)
John Woo Trademark Counter: #5
Natasha 'Nat' Binder: I have a photograph.
(Randal gets ready to light his cigar until Chance blows the flame out)
Chance Boudreaux: What Mr. Poe is trying to say is he's not too good with faces. Right?
"Well, you could just beat the information out of him Deathwish Enforcers-style, because that dude is clearly hiding something." Sean said.
Pik Van Cleaf (Played by Arnold Vosloo): Hello, Randal. I didn't know you had company.
Sean: (Narrating) But their conversation is interrupted by Fouchon's right-hand mercenary Pik Van Cleaf, played by Arnold Vosloo. You know, Imhotep from The Mummy and he's also the guy replacing Liam Neeson in the Darkman sequels. And my God, does he play a menacing villain in this one.
Chance Boudreaux: We were just leaving.
(Van Cleaf smiles menacingly)
"Okay, that is a smile of a psychopath. Hell, that's the smile that would make you shit your pants in fear." Sean said. "In fact, I should play this music every time we see this character."
("Ave Satani" plays in the background as we see Van Cleaf and his menacing smile)
(A clip from Bottom is shown)
Richie (Played by Rik Mayall): Shit! Shit!
(Richie runs through the bookcase and the wall)
Sean: (Narrating) So yeah, great detective work there. Cole Phelps you're not.
Natasha 'Nat' Binder: Poe knows something about my father, obviously. Look, if you don't want to go back up there, I'll just go back myself.
Chance Boudreaux: Hey. If you want to find your daddy, you're gonna have to work smarter, not harder.
"Look, just because you decided not to work harder on this case doesn't mean you work smarter." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) As they get ready to leave, a detective informs Nat that they found her father. Also, her father is dead. So much for her search. Let's skip ahead to the next plot point.
Natasha 'Nat' Binder: How did it happen?
Detective Maria 'May' Mitchell: There was a fire last night in an abandoned building in the Ninth Ward. The fire department discovered your father's body in one of the rooms.
Natasha 'Nat' Binder: I need to see him.
Detective Maria 'May' Mitchell: Your daddy was burned pretty badly.
"There are also some holes from what I believe happens to be arrows." Sean said, imitating Det. Mitchell.
Sean: (Narrating) Detective Mitchell tells Nat that the identification had to be made from dental charts in her father's service record as she hands Chance the medical examiner's report. But enough about dead daddies as we cut to Randal as he gets an unexpected visit from…
(The light is turned on and intense music plays as the camera zooms out to reveal Van Cleaf standing by Randal's bed, then he karate chops his stomach to wake him up)
(A clip from Liar Liar is shown)
Fletcher Reede (Played by Jim Carrey): (Yells) Holy hell!
Pik Van Cleaf: Wakey, wakey, you fat fuck!
(Van Cleaf throws Randal around as Fouchon enters the room and we get a slo-mo shot of Fouchon walking)
John Woo Trademark Counter: #6
(Van Cleaf grabs a pair of scissors and grabs Randal by his head)
Randal Poe: Oh, God! Mr. Fouchon, what are you doing here?
(Fouchon hits Poe with a book)
Emil Fouchon: Don't talk, Randal. Listen.
Pik Van Cleaf: Oh, don't worry about Randal. He's all ears.
(Van Cleaf cuts Randal's right ear lobe off. The shot is off-screen and we cut to Fouchon and a laughing Van Cleaf)
"Hey, can you hear me now? Good." Sean said as we see him holding an ear.
Sean: (Narrating) So yeah, it turns out that Randal's working for Fouchon and being the idiot that he is, he neglected to tell them about Binder and that he had a family, so that was a big mistake on his part.
Emil Fouchon: You made a mistake? Is that what you're saying?
Randal Poe: Yeah.
Emil Fouchon: And I see you're anxious to make up for it, aren't you?
Randal Poe: Right. Yes, sir.
(Fouchon pulls out a wad of money)
Emil Fouchon: We've got another client and he's about to select a new playmate.
(Fouchon then punches Poe in the face)
"Okay, let me just say this, Lance Henriksen can play a menacing villain. Hell, both him and Arnold Vosloo are awesome in this one. Originally, the film was going to focus more on Fouchon, but instead Van Damme stated that moviegoers pay to go see a Van Damme movie, not a Henriksen movie. The ego on that man." Sean said.
Pik Van Cleaf: Randal. I come back here, I cut me a steak.
"If you do, then I would like a nice, juicy ribeye. Make sure you trim some of the fat." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Later, Chance and Nat are at a bar as Nat mourns the loss of her father and Chance, being the homeless one that he is, shares his experience with her about living on the streets.
Chance Boudreaux: I've been there myself on the street. It's hard. It's hard to put your hand out.
"Yeah, it's hard to help out the homeless who are out living on the streets. I see that every day. Also, you have some of the crazies as well. But anyway, I understand what Chance is saying." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Meanwhile, Fouchon and Van Cleaf are looking over Chance's military background and that he would be very interesting for the hunt. And speaking of Chance, he is busy looking over the medical examiner's report and the crime scene photos. Also, Binder's dog tag and a little birdy gives him a clue.
"No, seriously. A bird gives him a clue." Sean said.
(A bird flies into Chance's apartment)
John Woo Trademark Counter: #7
(Chance sees the bird perched on the railing and sees his dog tags)
Chance Boudreaux: Yeah.
"Because dog tags come in twos, in case you didn't know that." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Chance goes to check out the derelict building to find the other matching dog tag in the ashes, which he does. But then Van Cleaf sends some goons to ambush and beat Chance to scare him and Nat out of town.
Frick (Played by Douglas Rye): Some friendly advice, Boudreaux. Get the fuck outta Dodge! Do it today! And tell that bitch girlfriend of yours point her titties north and step on the gas!
"And it you stay here in New Orleans, we're gonna do to you what Dr. Facilier did to Ray in The Princess and the Frog." Sean said, imitating the goon.
Sean: (Narrating) Chance gets a kick to face and he gets arrested for… uh… why was he arrested? Is it because he has an awesome mullet?
Detective Maria 'May' Mitchell: What we have here is a charge sheet. Willfully crossing a police barrier, that's considered criminal trespass.
"Okay, that he did. But he got attacked by some hired goons to run him out of town while he's trying to defend himself. You can't arrest him for that." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Chance tells Detective Mitchell that he found the other dog tag and he tells Nat that her father didn't die in the fire, he was in fact murdered. He pulls out the other dog tag with the hole in it and shows it to Detective Mitchell as proof.
Detective Maria 'May' Mitchell: Now, why would somebody go through all this trouble to kill a homeless man?
Natasha 'Nat' Binder: Do you believe us now?
Detective Maria 'May' Mitchell: Look, honey, the wheels turn slow around here.
Chance Boudreaux: Real slow.
Detective Maria 'May' Mitchell: But they do turn.
"Hey, just be glad that you're not the Rosewood Police Department." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) With the new evidence that Chance has found, Detective Mitchell orders a new autopsy. Back with our villains, we see that Fouchon spends his quality time playing classical music on his piano like a boss, while we see that Elijah is meeting with Randal because he's next in line to participate in Fouchon's most dangerous game.
Elijah Roper: You're gonna pay me 100 bucks to fill out a form?
Randal Poe: I'll pay you a lot more than that if you got the experience.
Elijah Roper: What kind of experience?
Randal Poe: Well, maybe you ain't interested.
Elijah Roper: (Grabs the $100 bill) No. I'll fill out the application.
Randal Poe: You got any family? Anybody to worry about you? Friends? Anything like that?
Elijah Roper: No, I got nobody.
"Well, there's Chance. But don't tell him that. He'll end up having another ear cut off." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Fouchon finishes entertaining the medical examiner Dr. Morton, played by Marco St. John, and he meets with Ismal Zenan, played by Joe Warfield, who agrees to participate in the game to hunt down Roper
Ismal Zenan (Played by Joe Warfield): These opponents, they're volunteers?
Emil Fouchon: More or less. The same government that's made murder their sole preserve, they train our targets.
Pik Van Cleef: We pride ourselves on only hunting combat veterans, men who have the necessary skills to make our hunts more interesting.
Ismal Zenan: What about the police? I'm sure that they would be interested if they were to find out.
Pik Van Cleef: Dr. Morton here assists us with the formality of police autopsies.
"Oh, I'm sure you'll be fine, buddy. Besides, this guy is great for getting rid of evidence." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) So yeah, we see that Fouchon is sick and twisted by conducting these hunts. Anyway, back to Chance as he stops off at a massage parlor to pay a little visit to Randal, by giving him the most unpleasant massage of his life.
Chance Boudreaux: You miss me?
Randal Poe: Christ, not again.
Chance Boudreaux: Looks like you're short an ear, so you better listen very carefully. Now, are you paying attention? (Slams Randal's head on the massage table)
"When I asked for a "happy ending", that was not what I expected." Sean said, imitating Randal.
Sean: (Narrating) Chance questions Randal about who sent those men after him and he tells him that Van Cleaf sent them. Meanwhile, Detective Mitchell pays Dr. Morton a visit and for him to take another look at the files and that memo contains evidence that might make Binder's death a homicide. This puts him in big trouble as he starts burning his files at home until…
(We see Fouchon standing in Dr. Morton's living room)
Emil Fouchon: You should do something about that cough.
Dr. Morton (Played by Marco St. John): Don't you ever knock? (He peeks out of his office and looks around before stepping back inside) We have a problem. A big problem. They want me to redo the autopsy on Binder.
(Dr. Morton sees Fouchon's hand is on the letter opener)
Emil Fouchon: Who is it that's asking?
Dr. Morton: A detective named Mitchell. Binder's family's breathing down her neck.
Emil Fouchon: Can we buy her?
Dr. Morton: No.
"Uh, I hope that you're not talking about buying her. Slavery times is over, dude." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) With Dr. Morton scared shitless, Fouchon tells him that this is their last hunt in New Orleans and he ends up getting another visit.
(Dr. Morton walks over to the door and looks through peep hole while Van Cleaf is standing on the other side of the door. He is armed with a Ruger Mk I pistol)
Brian: (V/O as Dr. Morton) Who is it?
Sean: (V/O as Van Cleaf) Wilderness Girls.
(Van Cleaf shoot through the peephole, killing Dr. Morton as he gets shot through the eye)
"Wow. If you're just going to kill him, then why would you stop and chat with him? Also, that makes this doctor a dumbass because he looked through the peephole and got himself killed." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) With things getting hairy in New Orleans, Fouchon decided to move their operations elsewhere. But later because they've got a final hunt to complete and it involves Roper as he explains to him how the game works.
Emil Fouchon: This money belt has 10,000 dollars in it. It's all yours if you want it, every penny.
Elijah Roper: What do I have to do?
Emil Fouchon: The rules of the game are very simple. (Tosses the money belt over to Van Cleaf) All you have to do is get to the river. Ten miles through the city. You and the money belt make it to the river, you're 10,000 dollars richer.
Elijah Roper: Bullshit.
Emil Fouchon: Maybe you like being the object of pity, begging for quarters, sleeping in the rain, listening to half an hour of fire and brimstone for a bowl of soup.
Elijah Roper: Man, fuck you.
"You can take that money belt and shove it up your ass, whitey." Sean said, imitating Roper.
Emil Fouchon: Think of what 10,000 dollars could buy you.
"10,000 dollars. I can do a hell of a lot with 10,000 dollars. But do I want to risk my life running through the city with a bunch of rich assholes trying to kill me be worth it?" Sean asked.
Emil Fouchon: This money could make you a man again, instead of the shadow of your former self.
"Hmm. I make a shitload of money with what I'm making at Kroger as a scan coordinator. But then again, it's 10,000 dollars! Do I wanna risk my life for 10,000?" Sean asked.
Elijah Roper: I get to the river, I get the cash.
Emil Fouchon: Every nickel.
Elijah Roper: And if I don't make it?
Pik Van Cleaf: Oh, you're a sports fan, Roper. Figure it out.
"You're a black man in a Van Damme movie. You think you're gonna survive this one?" Sean asked.
Sean: (Narrating) And now, the hunt begins as Fouchon's men begin to hunt down Roper. And it seems like Roper could hold his own since the dude is a combat veteran. Aside from getting chased and beaten by guys on motorcycles and shot in the arm by Mr. Zenan, who's having second thoughts about killing homeless people. But don't worry, Roper's got that taken care of.
(Roper knocks down Zenan with a karate chop to the throat, grounding him and grabs his Colt CAR-15-type assault rifle and shoots him repeatedly. Roper sees Fouchon and Van Cleaf and starts shooting at them until he runs out of ammo. Roper throws the gun down as Van Cleaf shoots at him and starts running. Fouchon and his men approach the wounded Zenan)
Emil Fouchon: Now you understand why we insist on payment up front.
(Fouchon finishes Zenan off with his Thompson Center Arms Contender pistol, killing him)
"Note to self: need better hunters." Sean said, imitating Fouchon.
Sean: (Narrating) Hunter or no hunter, Fouchon still wants Roper dead as we see him running out into a populated area trying to get help and everybody shuns him. Yeah, everybody shuns the poor man, including Sam Raimi's brother.
Elijah Roper: hey, buddy! Hey. Hey. Come on!
(The man walks away from Roper while he begs for help)
Elijah Roper: Help me!
Man On the Street (Played by Ted Raimi): Hey, man! I ain't got no change, man!
"Man, it's bad enough to be shunned by Joxer the Mighty. Jeez, what a dick." Sean said.
(Roper sees Van Cleaf getting ready to kill him)
Sean: (V/O as Roper) Well, guess I'm having my "I'm Dead and I Know It" moment. Well, better make it good.
(Roper gets gunned down by Van Cleaf and his thugs and dies)
Sean: (V/O as Roper) Suck it, Fishburne.
(Van Cleaf walks over to Roper's corpse and takes the money belt off of him and looks around)
"Oh, yeah. I'm sure that nobody's watching you looting a corpse like it's Skyrim. Hey! Nothing to see here. I'm just taking some poor homeless guy's money belt because he's dead. Nothing out of the ordinary." Sean said before he rolled his eyes.
Sean: (Narrating) Chance learns about the death of his buddy and Detective Mitchell tells him that he was passing out flyers for Poe, so the three of them decide to pay Fatso a visit as we see him getting ready to leave town. But he's not going to leave that easy.
(Van Cleaf smashes Poe's windshield as "Ave Satani" plays in the background. Van Cleaf then points his Mossberg 590 12 gauge shotgun at the side of Randal's head)
Pik Van Cleaf: Randal, Randal, Randal. You were gonna leave without saying goodbye.
Randal Poe: My mama got sick in Biloxi. I was gonna call you, Mr. Van Cleaf.
Pik Van Cleaf: Of course you were, Randal. Of course you were. I know you didn't mean to hurt my feelings. Hmm?
(Randal starts sobbing and whines. Van Cleaf smiles as he pulls the trigger, shooting him in his head, killing him as we see the windscreen shattering as well as a large splatter of blood on the inside of it)
Pik Van Cleaf: (Exclaims) Ooh! (Chuckles)
(Van Cleaf ejects a spent shell in slo-mo)
John Woo Trademark Counter: #8
Sean: (Narrating) Chance, Nat and Detective Mitchell arrive only to find Poe dead and Van Cleaf waiting for them and this happens.
Detective Maria 'May' Mitchell: Get down!
(Detective Mitchell pushes Nat out of the way, but ends up getting shot by Van Cleaf. After getting shot, Detective Mitchell shoots at Fouchon's men with her Beretta 92FS pistol and gets into a shootout with them while Van Cleaf shoots at Chance. Mitchell manages to take out one of the thugs. Van Cleaf continues to shoot at Chance while he rolls on the back of the police cruiser in slo-mo)
John Woo Trademark Counter: #9
"Oh, yeah. Big violent shootout. That's another one of Mr. Woo's trademarks. So, add that to the counter." Sean said.
John Woo Trademark Counter: #10
Sean: (Narrating) More of Fouchon's men show up to join the shootout and Detective Mitchell ends up getting killed in the process. This allows Chance to join in on the shootout fun as he manages not to get hit. Also, he does this most awesome thing.
(A thug on a motorcycle shoots at Chance with his Heckler & Koch MP5A3 submachine gun while Chance takes cover behind the police cruiser. Chance then manages to kick the thug in his face, knocking him off of his bike)
"Okay, he just kicked a guy in the head while he's wearing a friggin' helmet. But I can tell you this, that dude is gonna wake up with one badass headache." Sean said.
(Chance hops on the knocked out goon's bike and rides over to Nat and Detective Mitchell)
Chance Boudreaux: Let's go.
Natasha 'Nat' Binder: We can't just leave her here!
Chance Boudreaux: She's dead. Come on.
"Damn. She was only two weeks until retirement." Sean said.
(The audience boos at him)
"What? What? What?! I had to make that joke. I had to make that joke!" Sean exclaimed.
Sean: (Narrating) And now, Chance and Nat are on the run Fouchon and his men in a pretty awesome motorcycle chase scene that turns into a shootout throughout the streets of New Orleans. And to top it all off on this awesome sundae, Chance does a move so bad ass, it'll make you hard as hell.
(Chance sees gasoline leaking from the motorcycle's tank. He drives up to the oncoming car and climbs on top of the motorcycle while they're shooting at him. Chance pulls out his gun and starts shooting at the car, hitting one of Fouchon's men. Chance stands on top of the motorcycle, keeping his balance as he shoots at the car some more, hitting the driver. He then jumps and rolls on the roof of the car right before the motorcycle crashes into it. Chance lands on the ground and shoots at the car some more until it explodes)
John Woo Trademark Counter: #11
Chance Boudreaux: Yeah!
"I am so hard as fuck right now." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Fouchon and his men arrive to kill Chance, but Chance and Nat decided to catch a train and yet Fouchon doesn't shoot him. Oh, come on, man! You had this dude right in your sights and you don't even kill him? What kind of rich millionaire hunter are you?
Emil Fouchon: It appears we'll have one last hunt after all, Pik. (Chuckles)
Sean: (Narrating) And now, with Chance being their last hunt, Van Cleaf manages to track him down. Also, Fouchon brings in some more contestants in Wheel of Hunters, and Fouchon sees Chance as an exceptional opponent and that price is a pretty big chunk of money. So, while Fouchon and his men are tracking down Chance, we see that Chance and Nat are walking in the woods to head to his Uncle Douvee's. But Nat is getting exhausted from running, so Chance decides to entertain her.
Chance Boudreaux: You trust me?
Natasha 'Nat' Binder: Of course I trust you.
Chance Boudreaux: Close your eyes.
Natasha 'Nat' Binder: Why do you want me to trust you with my eyes closed?
Chance Boudreaux: Close your eyes.
(Nat closes her eyes)
(A sound clip from Double Impact plays in the background)
Chad Wagner: Big surprise. Huge surprise.
(Chance sees a rattlesnake behind Nat as it gets ready to bite her. He then grabs the rattlesnake as Nat opens her eyes and looks down at the rattlesnake. Her eyes widened in shock from the sight of it. Chance smacks the top of the rattlesnake's head. It starts to hiss and Chance manages to knock it out with one punch)
"Only Van Damme could be this badass to knock a rattlesnake out with one punch. I think it calls for the appropriate sound effect for this scene." Sean said.
(A sound clip from Super Smash Bros. Ultimate plays in the background)
Captain Falcon: FALCON PUNCH!
(A punching sound effect plays as Chance punches the rattlesnake)
Natasha 'Nat' Binder: Is it dead?
"Is it dead? Bitch, the dude knocked the rattlesnake out with one punch! He's gonna wake up feeling like a million bucks." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Chance bites the rattle part off of the rattlesnake's tail and sets up a little trap for Fouchon and his men, so when they show up, this happens.
(One of the hunters, Peterson played by Jules Sylvester, steps over the trap as the rattlesnake wakes up and lunges at him, biting him on the cheek as Fouchon and his men turn around to witness this)
Pik Van Cleaf: Son of a bitch!
"That is the most fake-looking snake that I have ever seen in my life." Sean said, imitating Van Cleaf.
(Van Cleaf grabs the snake off of Peterson while he dies from being bitten. Fouchon shoots the snake, blowing it's head off)
"Still looks fake as shit." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) We then cut to Uncle Douvee's place and we're introduced to Chance's Uncle Douvee, played by Wilford Brimley, and aside from Van Damme, Henriksen and Vosloo, Brimley is the best damn part of the movie. He is having way too much fun with the character.
(Uncle Douvee takes a sip of some moonshine that he poured into a mason jar)
Uncle Douvee (Played by Wilford Brimley): Ooh-wee! (Laughs) Sometimes I amaze myself, me! (Continues to laugh)
"Careful, Wilford. Drinking too much moonshine will give you diabetes." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Chance meets up with his Uncle Douvee and patches him up. Also, he's perfectly fine with a group of armed men coming to his place to kill him. So, he gives Chance his shotgun, that probably needs some cleaning. And with that, he leaves so he can deal with the bad guys while leaving Uncle Douvee and Nat alone, where the bad guys would probably kill them. Yeah, smart move there, Chance.
Natasha 'Nat' Binder: He's gonna be all right.
Uncle Douvee: Oui. Come. We go.
"I want to show you some Quaker oatmeal that I made. It's very healthy." Sean said, imitating Uncle Douvee.
Sean: (Narrating) And with that, Fouchon and his men track down Chance at his Uncle Douvee's place and they start shooting up the place, but Uncle Douvee has a little surprise in store for them.
(Uncle Douvee speaks in French as he fires an arrow past Fouchon and hits the moonshine, setting off an explosion and taking out some of Fouchon's men)
Pik Van Cleaf: (Yells) Get the fuck down!
(They all run away from the house in slo-mo as the dynamite goes off and blows up Uncle Douvee's house)
John Woo Trademark Counters: #12 and #13
(Nat and Uncle Douvee both ride off on horses as Fouchon and Van Cleaf spots them while Uncle Douvee speaks in French. Fouchon's men begin to open fire as Uncle Douvee rides off)
Sean: (V/O as Thug #1) Quick! Shoot the Quaker Oats guy!
Brian: (V/O as Thug #2) I thought he was called the Diabeetus Guy!
Sean: (V/O as Thug #1) Doesn't matter! Just shoot him!
(Fouchon stops one of the hunters)
Emil Fouchon: (Does a sassy move) Hold it!
We then cut back to Sean as he breaks down in laughter from what he just witnessed.
"What the hell kind of move was that?" Sean asked.
(Cut back to Fouchon doing a sassy move)
Emil Fouchon: Hold it!
"Hold it!" Sean yelled out, imitating Fouchon while doing the sassy move.
(Cut back to the scene once more)
Emil Fouchon: Hold it!
"God, that is the most-sassiest command that I have ever seen in my life. Dude, just look at the body language. He means business." Sean said.
Emil Fouchon: (To Billy Bob) You are a fucking buffalo!/(Knocks one of his men down) Get in the fucking trucks.
"Oh, man. No wonder he won a Saturn Award for his performance. It's so enjoyable. I mean, I can watch a movie that just focuses on his character." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Also, I just love this moment where Fouchon and Van Cleaf bicker like Richie and Eddie from Bottom.
Pik Van Cleaf: I can take him from the air.
Emil Fouchon: Any pinhead can take him from the air. I wanna take him from the ground!
Pik Van Cleaf: I can take him from the air.
Emil Fouchon: Be a professional, Pik.
Pik Van Cleaf: You're making a mistake.
(A clip from Bottom is shown)
Eddie (Played by Adrian Edmondson): (Drunk) Do you wanna fight or what?
(Eddie takes a swing at Richie and misses as he tumbles onto the couch)
Sean: (Narrating) Anyway, Chance leads Fouchon and his men away with Van Cleaf chasing after him with a helicopter and he makes it to an old warehouse and now the hunters become the hunted.
Chance Boudreaux: Hey, pigeon.
(The motorcycle thug sees Chance and tries to shoot him, but he's out of ammo. Chance kicks a gasoline can directly at the thug, then fires his shotgun at the gas can, which explodes and kills the guy)
"Ah, gotta love explosions in action movies. And that kicking the gas can-trick was pretty nice too." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) The climax kicks off as a convenient explosion reveal a secret area, which leads directly into a warehouse filled with Mardi Gras floats. Also, I'm not sure but are Mardi Gras floats supposed to be explosive?
(Chance shoots at some Mardi Gras floats, which happens to explode. We see that Fouchon's coat is on fire. He shouts as he takes it off)
Emil Fouchon: God, that son of a bitch is good! Goddamn it, I'm gonna blow his goddamn head off! What are you looking at, you sons of bitches? This is what you paid for! Get him!
"I didn't pay you to watch me go insane from my jacket getting caught on fire, I pay you to kill Mullet Man!" Sean exclaimed while imitating Fouchon.
(Chance kicks a thug and hits him in the stomach with his shotgun and chokes the man with it as he sees Stephan's reflection on his helmet)
John Woo Trademark Counter: #14
(Chance elbows the thug in the face and grabs his gun and starts gunning down Stephan while holding the gun upside down and finishes him off with a kick to the face in slo-mo)
John Woo Trademark Counter: #15
Sean: (V/O as Stephan) Best death ever.
(We get a shot of pigeons flying through the warehouse)
John Woo Trademark Counter: #16
(Chance walks over to Stephan's corpse and loots him, taking some clips with him)
Chance Boudreaux: Sorry about the shirt.
(We see that cigar smoke is coming out of Stephan's mouth. The motorcycle thug gets up and Chance sees him as he gets ready to kill him)
Chance Boudreaux: Ah, give it a rest, pal.
(Chance guns down the motorcycle thug and switches to another clip as another motorcycle thug pops out and Chance shoots him)
"I swear, if this climax gets much more awesome, I'm gonna end up jizzing in my pants." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Nat and Uncle Douvee show up to help Chance out instead of getting help from the local authorities. But hey, at least we get a chance to see Wilford Brimley being a badass with a bow and arrow.
(A sound clip from Liberty Medical plays)
Wilford Brimley: (Off-screen) Good morning. I'm Wilford Brimley and I'd like to talk to you for a few minutes about diabetes.
(Uncle Douvee fires an arrow through a parade float, killing a thug as we see the arrow go through his throat)
Wilford Brimley: (Off-screen) Have a good day.
Sean: (Narrating) Hell, even Nat manages to take a guy out as well.
Frick: You fucking bitch!
(Nat guns down Frick with the Beretta 92FS Inox, killing him)
"Here's a little lesson for you all: calling a woman a "bitch" is a surefire way to get yourself killed in a John Woo movie, even when she has a loaded gun. Haven't you learned that from Hard Boiled?" Sean asked.
Uncle Douvee: Now, now look what you do. Give me this gun. I take care all of these bad guys. (Yells) Give me this gun!
(Nat gives Uncle Douvee the gun)
"Oh, come on. She was only trying to help and you scold her like she did something wrong." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Anyway, for a climax, it's pretty intense and well-done. Hell, it gets even more awesome when Chance dual wields two pistols.
John Woo Trademark Counter: #17 and #18
(A sound clip from Batman: Arkham City plays as Chance is dual-wielding two Berettas)
Two-Face (Voiced by Troy Baker): Two guns, bitch!
(Chance guns down one of the thugs and kicks him in the face, then he guns down Mr. Lopaki and kicks him in the face and shoots him some more)
"Movie, if you keep going with more awesomeness, I'm gonna end up having an orgasm by the end of this review. Trust me." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Chance goes guns a blazin', taking out every single one of Fouchon's me and he has a showdown with Van Cleaf and we get one of my favorite shots from the movie, which is Chance and Van Cleaf doing some back to back banter with a wall between them as they throw around some comments before the big showdown.
John Woo Trademark Counter: #19
Pik Van Cleaf: Boudreaux, Boudreaux, Boudreaux. I've been looking all over for you.
Chance Boudreaux: You've been looking in the wrong places.
Pik Van Cleaf: That's good, 'cause I know you wouldn't want to hurt my feelings.
"Too bad, 'cause I told your ass to go back to South Africa because you'll never make it in Hollywood." Sean said, imitating Chance.
(Chance and Van Cleaf finish reloading their guns and they open fire on each other. During the shootout, one of the thugs gets ready to throw a grenade as Chance guns him down multiple times, causing the thug to drop his grenade)
Sean: (Narrating) You know, with the amount of bullets Chance is firing, I'm pretty sure that dude has mastered the unlimited ammo cheat.
(Chance jumps through the window as Van Cleaf throws a grenade at him. The grenade explodes behind him as Chance slides on the floor and underneath a table and kills Van Cleaf by shooting him repeatedly. After getting shot multiple times, Van Cleaf has a stunned look on his face)
"Hey, I'm with you on this one Van Cleaf. I'm surprised at how many bullets he's fired off." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Chance kills Van Cleaf, and the only one left standing is Fouchon, who's not happy that his men and his right-hand mercenary are killed at the hands of Van Damme.
Chance Boudreaux: How does it feel to be hunted?
Emil Fouchon: You tell me!
Chance Boudreaux: You should know better.
Emil Fouchon: There isn't a country in the world I haven't fired a bullet in. (Fires his gun and shouts) You can't kill me! You can't kill me. I'm on every battlefield. (Fires his gun at a Mardi Gras float and it explodes) There's no winner here!
Chance Boudreaux: I don't see one.
(Chance does a flip through the flames in slo-mo and shoots Fouchon with his shotgun)
John Woo Trademark Counter #20
"Well, that fight was anti-climatic. Well, guess that wraps up the mov…" Sean said.
(Fouchon, who's still alive, sneaks up on Nat and Uncle Douvee as he pushes Nat and stabs Uncle Douvee in the chest with an arrow)
"NOOOOOOOO! NOT WILFORD BRIMLEY! Why did you have to kill the best part of the movie? You bastard!" Sean cried out.
Sean: (Narrating) So yeah, after seeing Lance Henriksen kill off Wilford Brimley, he holds Nat hostage with an arrow. So, Chance drops his gun to ensure Nat's safety. But hey, Chance has a surprise in store for Fouchon in this tense standoff.
(Fouchon opens his Thompson Contender_
Emil Fouchon: Load me.
"I'm sorry, did he just tell her to "blow him"? Dude, seriously?!" Sean exclaimed.
(The scene plays once more)
Emil Fouchon: Load me.
"Oh, he said "load". I got my eyes on you, movie." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Fouchon forces Nat to reload his gun, which she does and he tosses her aside. Giving Chance the opportunity to strike hard in slo-mo and with birds flying.
John Woo Trademark Counter: #21 and #22
(Fouchon fires his gun and misses as Chance kicks him in the chest. We then get a fight scene between Chance and Fouchon with Chance beating Fouchon by punching him in the face repeatedly. Chance flips the spoon off of the M67 grenade)
Chance Boudreaux: Hunting season is over.
(Chance drops the grenade down Fouchon's pants and headbutts him)
Sean then groans in pure satisfaction.
"And that line did it for me. I just came in my jeans from pure awesomeness." Sean said.
(Fouchon reaches down inside his pants and grabs the grenade as he tries to dismantle it as he pulls the fuse out in success, Fouchon then laughs until the fuse goes out)
Emil Fouchon: Oops.
(The fuse sparks and makes contact as it explodes, killing Fouchon in the process)
"Did this movie go all Looney Toons on our ass?" Sean asked while laughing.
Sean: (Narrating) I think John Woo wanted to make this death very silly. I couldn't help but laugh at this little moment. Just when you think that Fouchon is safe after dismantling the grenade, but it starts sparking and he realized that he messed up. So yeah, that was the movie's Looney Toons moment. Anyway, the bad guys are dead and also, Uncle Douvee lives! And what saved him?
(Uncle Douvee pulls out his whiskey flask that Fouchon hit)
Uncle Douvee: Now this, this real catastrophe! This real bad.
Chance Boudreaux: Yeah, real bad.
(They all laugh)
"The power of alcohol. It'll save your life." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Remember kids, when a rich white man asks you to participate in a game for 10,000 dollars, just say hell no!
"And that was Hard Target and it was awesome as hell! It can get silly at times, but it's awesome as hell." Sean said.
(Clips from the movie are shown once more)
Sean: (Narrating) This is one of the manliest movies ever made. It is testosterone filled that will get you pumped up for more action. You have some of John Woo's signature trademarks, you have beautiful women in danger, explosive shootouts, kick-ass action scenes, enjoyable villains, Van Damme with a mullet and you even got Wilford fuckin' Brimley with a bow and arrow! It gives us what we want and it delivers. So yeah, I highly recommend this movie to all of you if you're a fan of Van Damme. Hard Target comes in at 5 arrows out of 5.
"I'm Sean the Mayhem Critic, and next time, we're gonna do something a little different. We're going from movies to the world of commercials as we take a look at another batch of…." Sean said until he gets interrupted by the sound of Godzilla roaring. "Oh, snap."
Mayhem Critic Tagline- Hey, man! I ain't got no change, man!
And that's all for the review of Hard Target. Man, what a ride! It's one of my favorite John Woo movies of all time aside from Hard Boiled and Face/Off. Believe it or not, Face/Off was the first John Woo movie that I saw when I was a kid. I saw it at the Oakley Drive-In with my mom and the first movie that we saw before that was Men in Black. So, what are your fond memories of the movie Hard Target? Did you enjoy the film? Is it one of Van Damme's best films? Next time on The Mayhem Critic, Sean the Mayhem Critic finally reviews Godzilla, the 1998 version. A film that everybody despises and yet the young critic enjoys it. Will he rip it a new one or will fans come after him? After the Godzilla review, Rogue One: Commercials XII. Don't worry, you'll be seeing the next Commercials special soon, trust me. Don't forget to leave a review, add this story to your favorites and follow it for future updates. Also, if you're interested in doing a co-review with me on the Godzilla '98 review, feel free to PM me if you're interested. I'll see you guys next time. Till next time, my fellow readers.