A/N: Few techniques/jutsu and items have been tweaked and/or forged. Happy Holidays.

Disclaimer: Don't own Naruto or Adventure time.

IV: The Lethargic Ninja I

"Come on, Shikamaru, I know what I'm doing, ya know."

Funny enough, that was the last thing he heard Naruto say. In hindsight, he should've stopped him.

Mornings were such a drag.

Had to be a universal truth regardless of belief or region, because it started the day.

The birds outside were loud, so loud, he thought they were screaming. They wouldn't shut up, just kept chirping and chirping and chirping and...

Ugh.

Shikamaru opened his eyes to white. He squinted to let his vision adjust first before he went blind. Good thing the curtains blocked out most of it. Thought it was five o'clock early but it seemed ten o'clock early. Why the hell were birds still chirping at ten o'clock? What was this, a zoo?

He groaned and sat up, a bit groggy. A second after, the birds shut up. Left him in total silence.

Great, just... great.

The shade of pink jogged his memory. Biscuit cabinets, chocolate cupboards, and the everpresent scent of cherry. Damn, he was still here? He was hoping to wake up back in Konoha somehow, anyhow.

They gave him a separate room in the castle where Princess checked on him regularly. He was guarded for four days until they realized it was pointless, he never went out anyway. They sheltered him, treated his wounds, and when he was hungry a peppermint butler would bring him food. They treated him like a god in mortal flesh, simply because he was human. Ironic but welcomed.

Shikamaru rubbed his eyes. By this time, he'd be at the Hokage's office, either approving paperwork or adding whatever two cents were simple enough to keep him relevant but vague enough to be ignored. That was one thing off his chest he appreciated, at least.

Man, what a drag. It was supposed to be a vacation and here he was, hooked up to an IV.

Ugh, Naruto. It had almost been a week since the blond had him lost. Now, he was...

Where was he?

So far, he'd seen a person made from chewing gum, furniture made out of biscuits, and the guards were bananas. Actual bananas. Half the reason he was holed up in here was that he wasn't sure what other nonsense he'd see if he stepped out.

Where did it go wrong? He watched Naruto ink that teleportation seal on the floor with a brush from beginning to end. Painstakingly. Shikamaru knew little about fuinjutsu and space-time-nin, so he couldn't tell what exactly went wrong. Did he not map the right destination? Did he not map a destination at all? Did he need to? When he finished, the ink faded to nothingness. The last thing he remembered was standing over the seal when Naruto smeared, weaved, and activated it. A light, equal to that of a flash bomb, blinded and deafened both of them. The next thing he felt was vertigo, could see the clouds before bam, darkness. The next time he woke up, he was bleeding in a cupboard.

He half hoped Naruto was caught up in the seal as well so he could hit undo. But that was unlikely because days had passed. If Naruto was here, he would've found him by now.

Shikamaru was on his own.

He hadn't told anyone about this, couldn't, and wouldn't until he was sure they'd understand. What would he say, where would he start, how could he explain something even he didn't grasp all that much? Good thing the dimension reformed him to look, work, and speak like the inhabitants. They didn't question him much, a bonus. Humans were rare here, so, It was like as long as he existed, they didn't care where he came from. He'd keep something of an excuse ready, though, just in case.

Ugh, just thinking about it made him tired. He felt like taking a smoke. He stopped the IV and unhooked himself, removed the cannula as well. Shikamaru turned on the lights and checked his pouch. He went through it this time, instead of just picking up a storage seal like he usually did. He looked for his lighter first and was glad to see it still there. Good, his things were intact. Some paper bombs, blank parchments, storage seals, kunai, shuriken, the village metal plate, and...

He blinked and turned the pouch over again. The entire pack...really? He sighed, long and hard. Bubblegum might've taken it. The last time he saw her was the night he woke up and the morning before he was transferred. The rest came out of Princess' mouth. 'Bubblegum says hi' or 'she asked me to check up on you,' yada yada yada. She didn't strike him as a smoker but even so, at least, return the pack.

Shikamaru sighed. Well, who was he to complain? Bubblegum owned the place, she could do whatever she wanted. Plus, he owed her a bit, so he overlooked it. He wished she was a nicotine addict, though, because, as a princess, if she wasn't a smoker the only other option was that she confiscated the pack. If so, then, yikes, he might've gotten himself into a hassle.

He set aside his pouch and went for a quick shower. In and out, he was done. The medical tape around his torso remained, the wound was less of a drag but it still hurt a bit. He picked the storage seal, they said he could either burn it or use blood. He always went for the latter because burning would unseal everything, with blood, he could pick. Shikamaru learned a bit from passing comments during conversations. Pricking his thumb, he smeared over the seal and weaved tiger, hare, ram.

Poof. With enough mastery, he might not need blood or handseals.

He unsealed a white tee shirt with his clan symbol inked in black up front and a pair of black knee-length shorts. Simple enough. Good enough. He returned the storage seal and glanced towards the window; it towered the rest of the room, was the kind of window made to stare out of, large, the size of double doors with frames of icing. And because this was the top floor, he had a direct view of the clouds from his bed.

Per the usual, Shikamaru swept the entire room, always kept it clean because it made him feel less guilty taking up the space for free, he binned whatever dirt he swept up. The cabinets and cupboards were untouched because no one taught him how to clean biscuits. Once done, he turned on the air conditioner and shifted the curtains, the room's brightness went up a notch and it graced him with a perfect view. Shikamaru sat at the edge of his bed and watched birds drift through clouds. He sighed. The only luxury he enjoyed, kept him level-headed and sane.

Man, the view would go well with a cigarette or two.

"It's open," he said before she knocked.

He heard Princess pull her shoes and pad in. "Cloud watching again?"

Felt no need to reply, so he nodded.

She sat beside him and felt his forehead. Whether he was cold or not, it was the usual now. "It's almost been a week," she said, always trying to get him out ever since he recovered. "Something the matter?"

"Not really," he said and she sighed like every other time he'd said the same thing. Now, she'd say, 'have you eaten?' and he'd say, 'no,' and she'd say, 'why not' and then the conversation would fall into an argument.

"Have you eaten?"

"Yeah."

"Oh."

He preferred to avoid arguments, especially arguments with women. Pretty much dodged a k—

"And the cannula?"

Damn.

That was a ten-minute earful. He ended up agreeing with her so it'd end. Told her she was right and held up his wrist.

She blinked, surprised he just up and gave in. She said he needed the IV to compensate for the blood he lost. But, in the end, they skipped it. Princess came without a spare because she never expected to replace it. Till later.

"Any complaints?" she asked, despite seeing him in perfect condition.

He shook his head. "You're a good doctor."

"I know." She pushed her glasses up. "I wanted you to say it."

"Uh-huh."

"Oh." She snapped her fingers and pointed at him. "Bubblegum says hi."

"Still busy?"

"You know, princess stuff, it's the usual." Princess sighed. "As long as she doesn't overwork herself, it's fine."

Shikamaru asked, "are you?"

"Am I?"

"A princess."

"It's only my name," she said. "Why?"

"Nothing. You both seem like good friends."

"Oh..." She nodded. "We get along."

That meant he could talk to her. But first, he informed Princess, told her she took something from him. He preferred if she returned the pack but it was unnecessary, he had plenty in his storage seal, always carried extra when traveling in case wherever he went didn't sell it or they did but at a higher price. He just wanted to confirm if it was accepted. Her place, her rules. If he couldn't get the pack back, then he'd know how to manage the rest.

"You mean that rare pack of cigarettes." He nodded. "You're probably not getting them back."

"She smokes?"

Princess stared at him like he'd blasphemed but he kept his quizzical gaze.

"Of course not, silly." Princess shook her head. "She hates it."

Damn.

"Ah, can I speak with her about it?"

"I mean," she said with a smile. "You're welcome to try."

He hummed in thought. That should be enough.

"You can tell her whenever she's free," Princess said, looking down at her feet.

He nodded. Princess was chill about it, he expected her to deter him somehow but she didn't. The doctor started the check-up by placing the end of her stethoscope on his forehead, eyes narrowed as she listened intently and nodded. A sigh. She always did it to annoy him but as usual, he shifted it to his chest. She chuckled then replaced the medical tape and went through the usual tests for about an hour until she confirmed he was fine. Princess was chatty so it was never dull but most things she spoke about made no sense to him. Shikamaru never imagined a day someone would discuss banana dissection with him. With a straight face. But Princess somehow made it interesting and now he knew bananas were 75% water.

The last was a blood pressure check, so she hooked him up to the blood pressure device, which looked a bit different than back in Konoha.

"Arm," said Princess. He unconsciously gave her one and she slipped it into the device. His eyes drooped as he watched clouds drift. Maybe it gave her the wrong idea because she asked, "you're from the cloud kingdom?" And, ugh, that question had hassle potential.

"Uh, there's a cloud kingdom?"

She looked at him. "You're joking." They looked at each other for a silent minute. Was he supposed to know this? He was from another dimension for Kami's sake. Maybe he could tell her—Princess pressed her lips tight, trying to keep in a laugh—Maybe not. They were misproportioned, seemingly boneless, had four fingers, and he looked just like them.

"Yeah but I'm not from there, though." he said. The idea of a cloud kingdom intrigued him but he dropped the matter for now.

A giggle. "Mhm, you didn't look the part either." She paused, then looked at him. "Where are—"

"110/75," said Shikamaru.

"What?"

He pointed at the beeping device. 110/75. "The results," he said. "That's pretty normal, right?"

"Oh, uh..." She removed the device. "Yep, pretty normal."

They watched clouds for an extra hour before she got up. He kept his gaze out the window, though. Just heard her shuffling about. The clouds changed shapes now and then and he watched them. They didn't have to worry about a thing. A hurricane could sweep a whole town, people could be dying, screaming, a pseudo-god could crater an entire village and the clouds wouldn't care. They'd float around like usual. Man, he could go on and on about clouds. To be free from worry, free from problems, where no matter how bad a situation got, he wouldn't care. Of course, he couldn't ignore problems, that's why he made sure to always have a solution ready.

Birds chirped and flocked together in formation, fading in and out of the clouds. He stared and stared and stared...and stared until everything blurred out of vision.

As it was, he didn't even know where to start. This place was a mess. Such a mess that it punished him for having a brain. Everything he was used to, this place flipped it on its head. He once glimpsed the Infinite Tsukuyomi and even that conjured something more realistic than this.

What were his options? He only knew basic fuinjutsu, couldn't ink a proper transport seal to save his skin. The thought that he might have to learn it, from scratch, with zero resources, filled him with a kind of lethargy he couldn't describe. That was a definite last resort. No way.

So, what else? He could always start small, work up to something big, he probably had all the time in the world, anyway, could study the inner workings of the dimension. If he understood the place well enough, he'd be able to find a way back. The problem with that was how different this place was from where he came from.

Learn Fuinjutsu from scratch or do some research. The latter was preferable, but if it came down to it, then... so be it.

A sigh.

He might actually need those cigarettes—

"Shikamaru!"

He jerked, raised a hand to his ear. Princess looked at him, her features eased with his reaction. She must have called him once, twice... maybe thrice. It looked like she was ready to leave. "Ah, what's up?"

She stared for almost a minute, an incredulous look on her face. Princess shook her head and her features softened as she asked, "would you like a tour?"

"Huh?"

"A tour," she said. "It's where I show—"

"I know what it is."

"So?"

"So...what?"

"You want one?" She crossed her arms behind her, swaying back and forth with childlike innocence.

"Uh." Princess usually came up with different excuses to get him out of the room. A tour seemed to be today's special. "Why?"

She usually had a lie to follow but this time—"I... don't think it's healthy being cooped up in here"—she sounded honest. "I'm worried is all."

"Can I say no?"

"You can." She waved her palm. "I just wish you wouldn't."

Shikamaru blinked black dots, frowned as he looked out the window. Princess was the only company he had in this place for the past days and she sounded genuinely worried. If that was the case then he was turning into a drag himself. He disliked the thought. Plus, he'd need to get out eventually, so, maybe he was doing himself a favor.

"See you tomorr...Uh..." Princess paused. She scratched her hair, a bit confused as she watched him dress the bed. "What are you doing?"

"Making the bed." He smoothed out the sheets and set the pillows.

"Why?"

He sighed. "So I can sleep the moment I get back."

Princess folded her arms and chortled, a smile plastered on her face. "You're really something, you know."

"I guess..." He closed the curtains and maxed out the aircon. He heard her mutter 'thanks' as he put on his sandals. It didn't seem like she wanted him to hear it so he pretended not to. "Uh..." He double-checked and confirmed everything was in place. The perfect ambiance for sleep. "Okay, let's go."

She grabbed her bag, held her jacket in her arms and fell into step with him. "Hmm," she started, "could it be, the reason you've been cooped up in here's that you're..." She placed a hand on her chin, tilting her head. "Lazy?"

"Pretty much."

Princess frowned, miffed her jab bounced right off. They walked out of the room and she immediately started the tour. Shikamaru guessed it was a good start, a drag, but, maybe they had a library...

He looked at his arms, they curved like brackets, smooth with no bends.

Yeah... he needed to get out of here.