Don't own Naruto or Adventure Time.
(Earlier that Saturday)
I should start on a more compact prototype, she told herself.
Bubblegum told herself that every time she had to dust off the machine. Every time she had a Gumball Guardian move it to the yard. Every time she had to tinker around to get it started. But every time it whirred into life, she forgot about it.
It stood twice and a half her height and weighed enough for a guardian to have it in both hands, like a shot. It was such intimidating machinery that anytime she had it out, one guardian would stop with the bubbles and watch her use it. The guardian often flinched whenever she poked her head or hand into one of its narrow crevices. An overreaction, certainly, but maybe it didn't help that she did this with the machine turned on. Whirring and screeching. The gears grinding and compartments twisting as half her body tinkered within the—
SNAP.
The machinery snatched her in and Bubblegum screamed. Bloodcurdling. But it did not care and it did not stop. Cracks and splatter. She became one with the thing.
All before the guardian could react.
All before it could blink.
When it did blink, the machine responded and shut down, noiselessly.
The guardian reached into the machine and pulled her out by the collar of her lab coat. Hair in tatters, her coat dotted brown and marked with ink. None of which, the guardian noticed, came from the machine. And rather than splattered across metal and iron, she was in one piece.
The tired princess sheepishly giggled as the bent, short but loud, glowstick, slipped from her fingertips.
The eyes of the guardian narrowed, unamused.
Come on. She made the old, rickety thing, she knew how to use it. Bubblegum could never fathom her creation killing or turning against her and the embarrassment that came with it.
At least, the guardian's in-built shutdown function still worked. Hehe.
Two feet off the ground, it dropped her. Crumbs of chocolate dirt clung to her coat and hair. Gee, no sense of humour, huh? Guess she made them correctly.
Bubblegum sat on her knees and tried to blink the weariness away.
"Woah, princess... What's that piece of junk?" Jake asked.
"A gumball guardian," Bubblegum said.
The guardian simulated a sweatdrop while she squinted up at Finn and Jake.
"No, the other thingamajig."
"The whatchamacallit." They snickered, nodding to the machine.
"Oh, I never whatchamacalled it anything."
"Then—"
"Oh, oh! Weapons, right?" Finn brandished his sword. "Looks like it. That'd be awesome."
"Not weapons." Bubblegum got up. "It helps with the construction of molecules like glucose being C6..."
She stopped and felt herself redden as they stared.
"Heck yeah, science." Finn nodded, even though he understood nothing about the subject.
Bubblegum smiled at that. Pretence, perhaps, but it showed interest still. She'd take that over complete disinterest like some people.
"Sugar." She poked her fingers. "It makes sugar."
A chorus of 'oh's and she nodded.
"And other stuff, too, but mostly sweets and sugar."
Finn asked her, "Why do you need it?"
"H-Huh?" Still a little hazy.
"It's for other Kingdoms, bro," Jake explained. "Like the Breakfast Kingdom for example."
"What for?" he said. "It's the Breakfast Kingdom."
"You had waffles and hot chocolate for breakfast."
"And?"
"It's not poof." Jake snapped his fingers. "They make those stuff."
"Yeah, but..." his eyes dilated. There we go. "Oooooh..."
Bubblegum raised a hand to her lips, chuckling.
"So you sell sugar and candy to other Kingdoms?" Finn asked.
"Mhm?"
"Why not for free?"
"E-Eh?"
"You can make sugar from scratch," he said. "I mean, you're not gaining anything but you're not losing anything either. So, why not?"
Bubblegum was too tired to even begin or know where to begin with that. It was sensible yet overly optimistic, and if she entertained a reply, it'd become a four-hour lecture on not just economics but philosophy, too. She looked at Jake, hoping he had a brief answer for it.
"It's science, man." Jake shrugged. "And science is expensive."
Wow, she thought, that was perfect. Bubblegum could have put it better but not as succinctly and all-encompassing. Stellar!
"Oh..." Finn said. "Do other Kingdoms do this?"
"Yeah, probably." Jake nodded. "Breakfast from the Breakfast Kingdom."
"What about the Slime Kingdom?"
"Dunno, maybe, hair gel?"
"Cloud Kingdom?"
"Beds," Bubblegum answered this time.
"Party planning and props, music, decor," Jake added.
Huh?
It took her a bit and then she remembered party god existed. He, however, was above money and traded for free or with favours.
"What about the Ice Kingdom?"
"No." They both answered.
Less because 'Ice King bad king' and more because 'Ice King mad king'. That was her excuse for just taking it if she needed any.
"So, this whatchamacallit makes a lot of sugar in less time, huh?" Jake asked.
"Fast enough to fill the quota on time," she yawned. "It's usually bi-annually but Breakfast Princess sounded urgent, so..."
"That must suck."
"Mhm. The necessary sucky."
At this point, perhaps, stress was the default.
"But I feed a sample into the machine and it does its job," she said. "Of course, I still have to create the sample first."
"Ah, that makes sense."
"Makes tired too," she said. Hadn't even started on cocoa.
"Dang, you need help?"
"It's fine, Finn."
Not with high-priority science. Could only trust herself with that. Maybe with laser cake or bouncy marshmallows.
"You look upset," she said.
"No, no, it's just..."
"He wanted to hang out with you—"
Finn nudged him.
"Is that right?"
"Don't listen. Jake's ba-nay-nays."
Bubblegum kept her face only inches apart from his and walked her fingers down his wrist until she firmly interlocked hands.
"So you don't want to hang out?" Her lips curled down, hurt. "Just the two of us?"
Poof. His best impression of a tomato yet.
He jumbled words, and when that didn't work, he just gave up and nodded slowly.
How cute.
"Maybe later, Finn. Promise." She giggled and uprighted herself, pinching his cheek. "Whatever you want, okay?"
"Okay, uh, chess. Maybe?"
Probably chose that for her sake. However, for his sake, it'd be best if they did something else.
"Finn, I'd destroy you."
"Card wars—"
"In any game."
"She's right, man," Jake said. "Don't even bother."
Finn pouted.
"He'll think about it, no worries." Jake chuckled.
"Sure."
Jake stretched his hand into steps, pointing at the bottom. She didn't understand what it was but it made Finn even redder.
"Let's bounce, man." Finn turned his head away. "Later, Peebs. "
"You guys are leaving?"
"Yeah, we managed to sort it out," Jake said.
"Oh, alright. Did you eat first?"
They nodded.
"What about Pineapple?" she asked. "Did he cause you any trouble?"
"N-No way, he was chill," said Finn.
"Really chill," Jake said. "Great guy."
Bubblegum let herself smile, glad they got along well. Come to think of it, Pineapple surprisingly got along splendidly with everyone so far. Perhaps she was the only oddball pricked by the lazy, carefree, nicotine-y attitude.
"Where is he?" she asked Finn.
Jake answered. "Asleep."
"It's one in the afternoon." Must be nice having nothing to do. It sounded a little odd but only because she'd never seen him asleep before.
"Yeah, he's real worn out," he said. "You saw how he looked."
Jake was right. She was knackered herself, so, she understood just fine.
"Alright, take care, you two." Her eyes locked on Finn. "Especially you, mister."
"I will."
They left and her stomach reminded her she'd been there for six hours. Still, Bubblegum powered up the machine.
After an hour, Pepper met her at the yard with her office phone. Said it was from the hospital so she knew it was about Pineapple. Maybe the bill and whatnot.
She waved it off and had him handle it. The butler told her he had handled the bill already, then, he told her it was Dr. Ice-cream over the line.
H-Huh?
Why was he... Maybe Princess told him?
She hesitated to answer but caved into curiosity. The moment the receiver met her ear, Ice Cream asked after Pineapple with such an urgency that made her shiver.
He was asleep, she told him, then asked what the fuss was about and he explained the situation's severity, regurgitating everything she knew already.
Luckily, he offered solutions too. Since they had no human blood to transfuse, they could hook him up to more IV saline. Not a permanent solution, just until they figured out the next move.
The line was so thin, Pineapple had to stay in bed to even hope for recovery.
"After her shift, I'll send Princess over to set up for infusion."
"As you please."
Beep.
Bubblegum returned the receiver to Pepper.
"Bad news?"
"No?"
"Your face..."
"I'm tired."
"You're sure?"
She patted his head.
"I need to..." Bubblegum gestured to the machine.
He bowed. "I'll let you be."
"Thank you."
She fed the sample into the machine. What a peculiar situation. One she found annoying, admittedly. Not the situation itself but the fact they—and by extension, she—could do nothing about it. The IVs were temporary. Prevention was better than cure did not mean a cure was unnecessary.
Bubblegum shook her head. Later, she thought. She could ponder the matter while the IVs kept him stable.
Back to work.
(Present. 5 pm.)
Breakfast Princess thanked her profusely and Bubblegum waved it off. Coupled with the payment, Breakfast Princess said she'd owe her an extra favour since it was impromptu. She had plenty of time to think over that.
Bubblegum hung up and her forehead fell on the desk, then her cheek. She needed a hot bath and some well-deserved rest. She completed the bath and slipped into her black tee shirt when someone knocked.
The sound was sluggish and almost hesitant. She thought Pineapple would come over for the talk they planned but threw out that idea the next second. It physically could not be him.
She straightened out her shirt and called them in. Princess slowly walked in.
"Need anything?" Bubblegum asked.
Princess fiddled her fingers, avoiding eye contact.
"What is it?"
"A-Ah... Shika..."
"What about him?"
"He's not around."
"E-Excuse me?"
"He's—"
"No, no, I... I heard..." Bubblegum shook her head. "Hold on."
She pushed past Princess, out the door, down the hallway and slammed his door open so hard it hit the wall. And, just as Princess said, it was empty. Bubblegum pressed her lips, hard. She felt her temperature spike so much it almost melted her skin.
The bed was undressed and Peppermint butler never bothered to clean or arrange the room as Pineapple never failed to do so on his own. Especially right before he left. So he must've left before Finn and Jake and out the window, too, as the protector was missing. Those two also knew what happened and where he went because they never brought it up and blatantly lied about it when asked.
Eighteen hours. That was her longest estimate and, unfortunately, it was probably the accurate estimate.
That idiot!
Glob, Bubblegum wanted to scream. In anger, annoyance, whatever, and the only reason she resisted was because, she thought, it'd feel a whole lot better to scream at him instead.
But he needed to be alive first, safe second and here third for that to happen.
Bubblegum instructed Princess to set up everything regardless.
"The blood." The one she asked Princess to preserve. "Did you bring that?"
Princess nodded as she assumed they'd need it.
"Drop that in the lab instead."
At that point, it was probably too late for IVs to have a major effect.
Because of how wayward the situation was, Princess understood that any option was the better option and, thus, followed her instructions without question or argument or hesitance.
"S-Sorry, PB."
In her lab, Bubblegum pinched the bridge of her nose in annoyance as Finn spoke from the live hologram, clouds of Lumpy Space loitered behind him. She had Peppermint Butler go all the way to the treehouse then Lumpy Space just to make the call possible.
She managed to get Finn to talk and what he said worried her. She was angry still. Just now, she was worried as well.
"You're telling me... In the space of eighteen hours, all of that happened," she said. "And you didn't even think to tell me, Finn?"
"He said not to."
"That's why?" She looked at him. "Cuz some stranger said so?"
"I mean when you put it like that..." he trailed and after a bit of quiet. "Are you... Mad?"
"What do you think, Finn?"
"Sorry, princess—"
"Not at you." She smiled. "I'd never be mad at you."
She couldn't say the same for Jake or Pineapple.
"Plus, you're just returning a favour."
He nodded, relieved.
It was a lot to take in, she was particularly tense about the whole Marceline thing. Not only because they fought and he somehow won...? But they'd left him there with her overnight. That part bothered her a little. Why wouldn't it? You don't leave the blood-deficit patient with the vampire, r-right?
Shockingly, his body was working still. For a second, she entertained the idea of like... cutting him open? Out of curiosity, just to see how or why it worked despite everything. Only for a split second, that was it. Just the usual, ah... Um... Stray thoughts? Stray thoughts.
A-Anyway, for now, she didn't know how long he'd keep working before shutting off permanently and it was that uncertainty that worried her as Finn never really gave specifics.
"Put Pineapple over the line."
He stared blankly. "Um?"
"You heard me, Finn."
"About that..." he said. "Shika's not here."
"Fine." She placed her cheek on her palm. "Where is he?"
"He went to get LSP..."
"Why...?"
"He... Well, it's all jumbled up."
Ah, funny how he preferred to cross dimensions for something than move ten feet down a hallway. Perhaps, it was something 'he thought' Bubblegum could not give or did not have.
"Fine, where's LSP?"
Finn paused.
"I have all day," she drawled with sarcasm. "Take your time."
"Um..." Nervous chuckle. "The Badlands?"
"What!" She slammed her hands on the table, almost tipping over the vials of blood she'd left for testing. Just one bad decision after the next. "How long?"
"Like... A while?" he said. "A long while?"
"Why didn't you follow him?"
"He said not to. Said he'd be back qui—"
"He said this, he said that," she said. "Do you think he's right all the time?!"
"W-Well, he hasn't been wrong so far?"
Bubblegum blinked at him. "What are you even saying?"
"Like, if he couldn't do it... He wouldn't... you know?" Finn nervously shrugged.
Bubblegum opened her mouth and stopped. It was naive and simple to think that way but... when it came to Pineapple, it was actually just that simple.
Pineapple wouldn't do it... if he couldn't do it or think he could do it. He wouldn't even bother.
Despite her worry, she understood Finn's thinking. From his perspective, yes, Pineapple hadn't been wrong. He said he'd get the treehouse back, and he did. He went after Marceline, said he didn't need help and he didn't.
Same thing now. So... Yeah, Finn wouldn't question it.
But, right now, Pineapple was working with a time limit he could not see, so, could he say for certain what he could or could not accomplish?
"When you both left, the first time," she said, just to confirm. "Did you know about the security cameras?"
"Oh... He... never mentioned it, so I didn't bother to ask."
"I see..." she said. "Any way to reach him?"
"I can—"
"Except that." Too late. The badlands were particularly dangerous at this hour.
"Well... " Finn said. "He has Melissa's phone."
"Because...?"
"Map and all that jazz."
"O-Oh." Guess that made sense. "Give me the number."
"Hey, Melissa," Finn called.
Melissa hesitated but ultimately bent under her gaze. Bubblegum wrote it down and told the butler to escort Finn home before dropping the hologram.
She pulled a tablet from a hidden panel and reviewed the camera footage. Finn said Pineapple never mentioned it but every camera in the kingdom turned up blank. Not that it was tampered with; they just moved in a manner that exploited every blind spot.
Impressive. Also a little alarming. But it lessened her worry.
Bubblegum sighed and rang the number with the tablet.
The phone went to voicemail and she frowned. She thought he refused to pick up, so she blew up the line until he did.
Click. The moment it went through, she started tracking the signal.
Nothing on the other end for half a minute.
"Ah... Hello...?" he sounded as expected.
"What exactly is wrong with you?"
Sigh.
"Do you have any idea the condition you're in?"
...
"Of course not. If you did, you wouldn't pull rubbish like this."
...
"Glob, I told you whenever you need anything, just ask," Bubblegum said. "Why didn't you?"
...
"Answer me!"
"I... Ah, didn't wanna bother."
"Well, you're being a terrible bother right now." She gently tugged at her hair.
"Uh, sor—"
"Just be quiet."
Bubblegum rubbed her temples and after a minute, she sighed.
"I'll come get you."
"That's... not a good idea."
Eye roll. "Yes, I'm certain you know what a good idea is."
It struck him with silence and he sighed once more. Even in that state, she was glad he could still recognise a checkmate.
"Fine. Ah... I'd appreciate that," he said. "Wouldn't... wanna walk all the way neither."
"How bold." Her eyelids drooped. "Maybe you deserve to walk."
"Huh... The sugar princess being bitter is quite the surprise," he said, unsurprised.
She pressed her lips together and felt a vein pop up her forehead.
S-Sugar Princess?!
He sighed. "Thirty minutes."
"Huh?"
"Come after thirty minutes," he said. "My hands are... Kinda full at the moment."
She paused and quickly realised something was wrong. She also realised it was dangerous to ask what.
"A-Alright," she said. "Tell me where you are."
"Uh...?"
"I can't come get you if I don't know, genius."
"I, uh, have no clue."
"Not even a rough idea?"
A tut. "Nah..."
That was unlikely considering he had a map. Even if he forgot, he had the phone and could check to confirm since it was the one reason he had the phone, to begin with.
Just meant he refused to tell her on purpose and also couldn't check or access the phone for some reason.
"The gate of Lumpy Space, six o'clock," she said. "You know how to get there?"
"Yeah."
"Perfect," she said. "On the dot, nothing later."
"Yeah..."
"T-Take care until then, okay?"
"Yeah..."
Bubblegum ended the call, gave it a minute and called back. It rang, stopped ringing, and never rang again. Regardless of how many times she called. Safe to assume the entire call had been on speakerphone.
A frown marred her face. Whoever was on the other end of the line would be expecting her too but... She could make a plan. Yes, like Pineapple always did.
Feint with the first, strike with the second, was it?
It didn't need to be as complex since the nabbers were probably stupid anyway. She could tell because they listened in on the whole conversation and thought nothing of it. A simple plan would suffice.
She hummed.
First and foremost, she definitely wouldn't...
...head to the Lumpy Space gate, Shikamaru thought with a sigh. Roped to a tree, tired eyes watched burning wood as the captors poked fun at him.
Bubblegum said she'd come get him first before asking where he was. So, she probably knew already and had a rough idea of the situation. She'd come here assuming they'd head over and wait at Lumpy Space to nab her.
It was now 5:20pm. Assuming the captors would head there roughly at or before 5:50pm, about the same time she'd leave the castle. The shortest routes considered, a walk from the candy kingdom to his position would take twenty minutes and since Bubblegum wouldn't walk here—half because she was a princess and half because she needed to be fast—he could safely halve twenty to ten minutes. Meaning she'd be here at exactly 6pm.
That was probably her plan. Very straightforward, nothing complex. Simple plans were often the best. But hers was the scholar kinda simple, not the peasant kinda simple. For that plan to work, everything had to play off one unguaranteed scenario out of... A lot.
If he had to explain it for her specifically, it was kinda like those equations that looked short at first but expanded infinitely. The kind that filled the chalkboard by blinking. She probably knew what they were called or whatever, but it was exactly that.
The problem wasn't that he could go on and on about all the wrong ways that plan could play out, the problem was that he couldn't go on *enough* about all the wrong ways that plan could play out. It was just that broad, just that loose.
He sighed.
Forget it, he was rambling. No plan was foolproof and, realistically, that was none of Bubblegum's concern.
That was her plan and she'd be here by 6pm. So he had exactly forty minutes to make that plan work. Regardless of situation or condition. No ifs, ands or buts.
In forty minutes, he had to escape the binding and the captors, get LSP and get out with Bubblegum.
Dead eyes stared, blank of emotion. Man, his bed was probably still a mess. If he got out of this, he'd have to make the bed before falling asleep. That is, if his body didn't give out or Bubblegum didn't yell him to death first.
He just now regained consciousness and was tired still. The captors had to slap him awake and hold the phone to his face so he could speak. The entire phone call was done in a haze.
Ugh, what a pain.
And it would've been a quick in and out too.
Shikamaru had tracked LSP's phone, as Melissa instructed, all the way to this village. The villagers had a kinda client-loanshark situation going on with the captors, saying they were behind on payment cuz a monster found it's way to their treasury and no one was bold enough to mess with it. A monster, mind you, that was in the exact same spot on the map as LSP's phone.
The captors gave them hours to handle it before they returned in the evening. When they left, Shikamaru thought, fine, he'd help with the 'monster' situation and that would be it. Only for him to reach the wooden gates and have his body screw him over by shutting down.
When he woke up, he was bound to a tree with a handprint on his cheek and Melissa's phone to his face.
The only upside was he had their full attention and since the villagers were still pleading, it meant LSP was still up the treasury.
The captors were women, made a guess from how one look and the other spoke.
The first was some kinda mummified cat. He... Didn't know if the bandages were for show or not but that was just what he saw. She carried about a knife and spoke in the third-person. Me-Mow, was what she called herself.
The other one had a battle kimono of sorts, couldn't tell what animal she was supposed to be but she had odd horns and a one handed sword. Plain, no specific or memorable details about it. She had no crown but proclaimed herself the bandit princess. Which... He tried to convince himself was not a contradiction. What was next, the peasant princess? A raggedy princess?
Come to think of it, he squinted, there were a lot of ladies in Ooo. Most rulers too. Like, he'd only heard of two kings. The Ice and Lumpy Space, the rest were princesses. His doctor was a lady too.
Talk about a nightmarish detail. An unfun fact.
Pfft.
He always assumed that would be the worst kind of punishment and yet it went over his head until just now. Huh. Guess he exaggerated a bit.
Anyway, the villagers treated them with caution, it was safe to assume they were good with their weapons. He'd take it a step further and say they were trained assassins like him.
Well... Maybe not like him since they seemed take the assassin stuff a little too seriously.
Thirty nine minutes left, it was a good time to do something about this whole fiasco.