CHAPTER 15

4 September 1992 - 9:21AM

The Weasley Twins were sitting under a tree next to the Black Lake, doing what seemed to be homework as they muttered amongst themselves. In actuality, they were reviewing their makeshift notes covering all manner of their…experiments they intended to carry out for their Fourth Year.

Suddenly, a shadow covered them. Looking up, they two were met with the stern visage of Percy Weasley.

"It's Perfect Prefect Percy!" "In the flesh!" "My, what have we done to earn this privilege?" "And what can we do to un-earn it?"

"We need to talk about Ron," responded Percy. If the Twins had picked up on the uncommon hardness of his tone, they didn't mention it.

"Ickle Ronniekins?!" "Is this about our little chat with him yesterday?" "About our Ickle Ginny-poo's Sorting?" "Guess Perfect Prefect Percy here didn't like that at all!" "Did Ickle Ronniekins come crying to his ickle older brother?" Said Prefect's brow arched at Fred's rather snide statement, still not bothering to respond. A second later, the elder Weasley brother unholstered his wand - 10 ½ inch laurel with dragon heartstring - and cast a rapid-fire slew of privacy charms that left the Twins shocked. And, for once, quite nervous.

"As I said before, we need to talk about Ron."

"Oooh, someone is feeling rather testy today," replied Fred nastily. "You know, that's practically an invitation for us to share what we might do." For once, George didn't engage in twin speak, rather rattled at the burning intensity in Percy's eyes.

"What you might do?" Percy chuckled sardonically, shaking his head. "I think I am rather well-versed in what you may do to me. I've only lived with you my entire life." The bitterness of that last statement caused George to flinch while Fred merely scowled, not used to being challenged by his overly-studious older brother. "You know, I'm curious…if, say, Ron, had been Sorted into Slytherin this time last year, would you two be out confronting me and the rest of the family, threatening them into not saying anything to hurt our little brother's feelings? Or would you have already flooded the Slytherin dungeons with spiders?"

"Awww! Are you feeling bad for Ickle Ronniekins? Sad he lost his widdle teddy bear?" Fred's tone was scathing, but George looked terribly discomfited.

The elder Weasley chuckled, though the bitterness undermined whatever levity he was attempting to convey. "Yes, Fred," he said. "Yes, I am sad my little brother lost something very precious to him. Because I remember him being three, and the bear being the first toy mum and dad purchased just for him. A toy that you two idiots (the twins started at his venomous tone) Transfigured into it a spider nearly half his size. And as such, set into motion a severe case of arachnophobia that persists well to this day. Though that may be considered not as bad as the time you burned a hole in his tongue with a magically altered Acid Pop. Then had a merry good laugh at him while he cried in pain."

The Twins looked at one another, suddenly abashed. "Percy..." George began.

"Oh please George, allow me to continue. You see, I've always felt rather bad for Ron, because I could relate to all the horrible things that you did to him. Because you two idiots did the exact same thing to me." The Twins gulped in unison. "Oh yes…I remember the time you Transfigured my Astronomy mobile into Billywigs, quite a few of which stung me. Funny how one discovers a severe allergy to Billywig stings whilst levitating near the ceiling of his bedroom. Thankfully Mum found me before I went into shock."

Fred and George looked ashen. "Percy we're-"

"Or that time you two tampered with my toothpaste, rendering me toothless for almost a month."

"Percy we didn't-"

"Or the time you nearly buried me alive in the garden, and I had to fight off a troop of rather determined gnomes attempting to rip off the vegetables you'd magically super-glued to my body, taking off bits of my skin with it."

"Percy mate we-"

"But I reckon none of the heinous things I've had to endure tops you two nitwits nearly getting your five year-old little brother to swear an UNBREAKABLE VOW!" Fred and George jumped at the incensed volume of the last statement, suddenly afraid of what their usually-reserved brother might actually do to them in his pique of anger. However, Percy took a few deep breaths before seemingly coming back to himself. His eyes however, burned with righteous anger.

"Now, for once, you two are going to be quiet and listen." The Twins gulped "I may have, in spite of your years of wrongdoing against me, tolerated your appalling behavior while you've been allowed to run unchecked as horrid bullies in our home and in Gryffindor House. You know, because everyone thinks you're just so clever and having a laugh," he spat. Fred and George, now quite ashen and dumbstruck, exchanged a nervous glance.

"I will not be tolerating any of your deplorable antics against Ron. He is my baby brother, and he almost had a near-death experience a few days ago that neither of you seems to care about. As well as not being quite adept at defending himself as I am against your fun little pranks." Fred raised a challenging brow, causing his older brother to laugh rather cynically. "Oh yes Brother Mine," responded Percy, his voice sinuous and almost…dangerous. "While I've been content to merely chastise you for your indiscretions, I only did so due to my position as Prefect within our House, and prior to that, my desire to acquire the Prefect position. It is a position I've worked quite hard for, and I wasn't willing to squander it by reprimanding you dolts for your enduring tomfoolery." Percy leaned forward, practically forcing the terrified Twins' backs against the tree.

"If I find one red hair harmed on Ron Weasley's head, and I trace it back to a… prank courtesy of the bullying Terror Twins' willfully misguided sense of humor …" He leaned forward more. "I will use every power I possess in my capacity to ensure the remainder of your Fourth Year is an absolute misery." And with that, the elder Weasley sharply stood up and elegantly brushed the bits of dirt and grass that were stuck to his robes. Then, he smiled rather cheerily at his stunned brothers, who for once, were absolutely intimidated by their not-so cowardly bookish older brother.

"Just so you know, the Hat did consider me for Slytherin." Fred and George's eyes widened. "Pity. I imagine I would have done the House some justice." And with a dramatic flourish worthy of Professor Snape, Percy dispelled the privacy wards and sauntered off, never once looking back at his terrified and speechless brothers.

Transfiguration Classroom - 11:06AM

Amy stared intently at her white mouse as it sat contently on her desk, whiskers twitching rather adorably. Next to her sat her more or less unwilling partner Amelia Fittleworth, a Hufflepuff firstie. She'd been the last person to arrive to the class and as such, had to take the last seat available. Amy was at least grateful for the silence, since the witchling had practically refused to speak to her.

Taking another deep breath, the Gryffindor firstie quickly reviewed McGonagall's notes on the necessary wand movement, and did a quick review of the notes Hermione had been so kind to share with her. Focusing on the mouse and visualizing the effect she intended, Amy pointed her wand - 8 ¾ inch alder with unicorn hair - and focused her magic. "MURESARCA." She watched in satisfaction as the rat transformed into a perfect golden matchbox.

"Oh well done Ms. Wilkes!" Professor McGonagall practically beamed with pride. "Look here everyone, Ms. Wilkes has done it! On her first try no less! Take 10 Points for Gryffindor!" Practically giddy, McGonagall turned her focus onto a pair of Gryffindors who were struggling as the remainder of the class stared at Amy in something akin to awe.

"Um…say Wilk- I mean, Amy. Do…do you mind showing us how you did that?" asked her shocked dormmate Saffron Brown, who was seated alongside their equally shocked dormmate Eloise Midgen.

With a smile, Amy responded: "Sure Saffron, I'd be delighted."

DADA Classroom - 1:04PM

Hermione tried to swallow down her disdain at the state of DADA classroom, using every bit of meditative Occlumency she knew to beat back the disgust from showing on her face. She wasn't doing a very good job, since Blaise sat snickering beside her. Behind them were Theo, Harry, and Neville, all three of whom bore differing expressions of amazement at the sheer amount of self-aggrandizing paraphernalia spread across the expansive classroom.

Near the stairwell to the Professor's private quarters was an enormous moving portrait of Gilderoy Lockhart ... painting a smaller moving portrait of Gilderoy Lockhart. It looked like the two Lockharts were constantly complimenting each other on their appearance when not looking out towards the classroom with dazzling smiles. Multiple massive covers of the man's works were placed at seemingly random intervals throughout the room, with the biggest of all - Marauding with Monsters - placed just behind the man's desk. On said desk was a small cage-shaped object on the desk which was covered by a purple cloth, which occasionally shook rather violently, suggesting a potential Dark creature was trapped inside. The chandelier situated in the center of the room had been decorated with dainty white flower blossoms, which Harry and Neville realized faintly smelled of sweet almond. 'Blackthorn,' thought Harry. 'Wouldn't have guessed that as his favorite flower.'

Suddenly, the door in the back of the classroom was flung open and Professor Lockhart strode through, resplendent in ultra-fashionable robes of tan and beige with perfectly feathered hair, his wand already in his hand. The class grew silent as he imperiously addressed the room.

"Let me introduce you to your new Defense Against the Dark Arts instructor ... me." He smiled with almost all his teeth, causing the Second Year girls sitting on the front row to giggle, titter, and sigh with excitement. It took every bit of Hermione's willpower to not scoff in disgust.

"As you already know, I am Gilderoy Lockhart, Order of Merlin (Third Class), Honorary Member of the Dark Force Defense League, and five-time winner of the Witch Weekly's Most Charming Smile Award." He smiled once more with all his teeth, the gleaming white almost as bright as the afternoon sun filtering through the classroom windows. "But, I don't like to talk about all that. After all, I didn't defeat the Bandon Banshee by smiling at her, Ha-ha!" Harry and Neville glanced over at each other. That laugh was going to get old very quickly.

"Now then, before we begin the lesson proper, we shall begin the class with a little quiz." The class groaned. "Now, now, it is important for me to properly evaluate where you all are and what you already know, as well as what, if any, particular interests you have within the broader canvas of the noble field of ... Defense Against the Dark Arts!" Lockhart gestured with both hands as he intoned the class's name, as if he could envision it written in giant glowing letters with his name across the top. "Hence, my little quiz. Now, I'm sure you all want to do your best, but I do have some additional incentives for you all. First, the five highest scoring students within each year will win one point each for their respective Houses. Second, if House pride does not encourage you, I will add an additional… lagniappe."

"What's a lagniappe?" whispered Neville.

"Probably a pastry…or the title of his next book," muttered Harry before Hermione shushed them both. While she greatly disliked the man, classroom decorum still needed to be upheld.

Lockhart continued. "Each student who scores high enough on the test and exhibits a particular expertise in the subject matter of one or more questions will be offered the chance to participate in one of several multi-year research groups. You will have a chance to work together with the brightest young minds among the upperclassmen of each house and, before the end of the year, will present a research paper germane to whatever research area you pursue. This paper, along with attendance and participation in the group meetings, will constitute 40% of your final grade, with the remaining 60% coming from the final exam."

At that, Harry and Hermione looked at each other sharply before scowling as one in the Professor's direction. Forty percent of the final grade coming from a research paper?

"But for those of you who do not score well enough on the test to participate in these research projects, do not despair! For instead of a research paper, 40% of your grades will come from elsewhere. You see, I have long believed that magical skill is not enough to defend oneself against that which crawls out of the dark places to threaten us. No, no, my young students! One must also be physically fit and martially proficient. Thus, those who do not score high enough on the quiz to be placed in a research group will instead undertake a course in physical fitness, conditioning and self-defense which I will teach each day Monday through Friday starting at 7:00 a.m. This course will be mandatory for all those not assigned to one of the research groups, with attendance and participation in it again making up 40% of your final grade for the year. Any questions?"

There were none, because the entire class was staring at Lockhart with their mouths agape in complete horror. Physical fitness?! Self-Defense?! Starting at dawn for five days a week?! And it's 40% of the final grade?!

"No questions! Excellent! I'm delighted to see how attentive you all are. Now, you have one hour to complete the quiz. Good luck to you all!" And with that, he gestured with his wand towards a thick stack of papers on his desk which promptly flew up and distributed themselves throughout the class. Hermione grabbed hers eagerly, scanned the first two questions, and nearly shouted out a profanity as her eyes goggled in disbelief.

1. What is Gilderoy Lockhart's birthday?

2. What is Gilderoy Lockhart's favorite color?

Hermione's head jerked up and she stared at the professor in a fury, but the man was paying the class no mind. Instead, he was sitting in a chair behind his desk with his feet propped up while he read from his own autobiography that was levitating in the air above him! With an audible snarl, Hermione returned to the exam, and was relieved to see that, after the first few personal questions about the pompous asshat moonlighting as an instructor, the exam turned to more legitimate DADA topics.

7. Give a brief physical description of each of the following creatures as well as one viable approach for dealing with them in the wild: grindylows, gnarls, hinkypunks, doxies, runespoors, bowtruckles, and gnomes.

8. Name the most effective spell you can think of to defend against each of the following: vampires, hags, Dementors, werewolves, boggarts, and lethifolds.

9. List the three chief advantages and weaknesses of the Protego shield.

10. Describe the purpose and function of a Rememberall and a Pensieve. Would you consider one better than the other? Explain.

11. What possible advantages do conventional non-magical hand-to-hand combat techniques hold over wand magic when engaged in a fight with an attacking wizard? For bonus points: Do you have any formal training in any form of martial arts? If so, tell me what form you have studied and what degree of training you have reached. (Jim eagerly answered this question, even providing illustrated details of his Taekwondo prowess.)

As the exam progressed, however, the questions became much more... unusual. Some seemed incredibly arcane for a Second Year class. Others seemed so philosophical and subjective that Hermione had no idea what might be considered a "correct" answer.

16. Explain your understanding of the term "dark magic."

17. Is there such a thing as "light magic"? Or "grey magic"? If you say yes for either or both, explain -with examples - your understanding of what those terms mean.

18. What is an "esoteric" spell, and how is it distinct from most of the "standard" spells you have studied this far in your education?

19. What is your definition of a "Dark Lord" and a "Light Lord"? Do you believe one is better or more capable than the other? Provide examples.

21. How would you approach a locked door? Would you attempt to unlock it? Or find some way around it? Describe with examples and corresponding spells.

25. Close your eyes and think about your happiest memory. Describe how it makes you feel. You may include personal information about your chosen memory for context if you wish, but it is not required if the memory is too personal to share.

29. Do you believe in the existence of prophecies? Do you know of any prophecies that may or may not have come true? Provide examples. (Both Jim and Harry's eyes goggled at this very suggestive question, both wondering what the hell Lockhart was playing at.)

33. Do you play Quidditch? If so, what position do you favor and how skilled do you consider yourself to be at it?

34. Are you familiar with the Muggle sports known as ping-pong, hopscotch, and double-dutch? If so, how proficient are you at any of the three?

Suddenly, Hermione uttered a very soft expletive when she reached the final question, startling her friends who stared at her in shock as she stared with wide-eyes. Turning to the final page, their eyes goggled in shock.

45. Tell me everything you know that is relevant to the subjects of "nargles" and "wrackspurts," and please cite the source of your knowledge. You may use additional parchment if necessary.

Hermione looked up at Professor Lockhart, who was still engrossed in reading his autobiography, seemingly humming to himself. Shaking her head in annoyance, Hermione returned to the question and attempted to recall everything Luna Lovegood had shared with her on their train ride to Hogwarts. Granted, she'd initially dismissed the younger witch's claims as nonsensical falsehoods since she'd read nothing of those sorts of creatures in any textbook. But, the Gryffindor witch had been more inclined to be…open-minded after a most polite dressing-down by Eurus Kolumbiko. Not only had the latter informed her of quite a few verified creatures that were in fact invisible (that Hermione had no clue existed), she'd chastised her for being so close-minded to the possibility, especially as a muggleborn witch.

"There was a time in your life when the very suggestion of a magical world - a place where one freely performs acts that defy the very laws of muggle physics - would have been unthinkable, if not outright madness. But alas, here you are, doing the impossible every single day since you stepped foot into the wizarding world. Granted, you may be steadfast in 'seeing is believing', but did the marvels of the wizarding world cease to exist prior to your confirmation of their existence?" Eurus' expression had been rather cheeky after posing that question, but Hermione (along with almost everyone in the compartment save Harry and Blaise) had been too thunderstruck to speak.

"Well, here's to you Luna Lovegood." And with that, Hermione went about answering the bizarre question.

"TIMES UP!" Lockhart abruptly bellowed to the startled class. "You have five seconds to put your name on the top of the quiz if you have not already done so. Then, they will be collected and your grades and assignments posted by the end of the week." Seconds later, the exams were snatched away from the students with a wave of Lockhart's wand to be deposited on his desk.

"Now then, for the remaining half hour, it's time for some practical work. I wouldn't want you all to worry that I was just a harmless bookworm instead of a man of action, ha-Ha!" He stepped around the desk to the covered cage which had been rattling intermittently throughout the previous hour. "Now, I warn you. During the rest of the school year, you may find yourself facing your worst nightmares within this room. Know, however, that you are safe. For I, Gilderoy Lockhart, stand ready to protect you." He posed imperiously for a few seconds before reaching for the cloth, pausing to turn back to the nervous students. "Please, try not to scream. It might… PROVOKE THEM!."

With that, he ripped off the cloth with a flourish to reveal a brass cage containing what looked to be about a dozen or so tiny blue-skinned humanoid figures with big eyes and buzzing wings. It was decidedly anticlimactic.

"Cornish Pixies!" scoffed Seamus Finnegan. In the back corners, Jim and Ron on one side and Draco and his lackeys on the other all began to laugh in relief. Harry, on the other hand, stared curiously at the creatures as Lockhart looked on, expression oddly smug.

"Oh dear. And I'd so hoped to impress you all on your first day with a potentially dangerous creature. But apparently, the lowly Cornish Pixie is beneath the concern of such accomplished young wizards and witches as yourselves. I humbly apologize for underestimating your acumen."

At the end of his apology, Lockhart threw out his arms in what seemed meant as a conciliatory gesture, but in the process, he accidentally bumped the cage, causing it to fall to the floor with a crash and an embarrassed "Oops!" from the Professor. The lid popped open, and the pixies flew out chittering loudly as they did.

"Oh goodness me! How clumsy that was! Well, good thing they're just pixies. No trouble at all for you to round up, I'm sure." And with that, Lockhart casually leaned against his desk with a "Have at it!" gesture.

Within the span of seconds, Harry had unholstered his wand and quickly cast the Vestamentarum shield, quickly showing his friends how to do the same. "It gives them a little shock," he explained. "Disorients and prevents them from stinging or attacking you in any way." Unbeknownst to the younger Potter, Professor Lockhart looked on approvingly. "Now, how's about we take cover behind the desks yeah?" Unquestioningly, his four friends quickly took cover behind a double desk, watching as chaos ensued.

"AHH! Not the hair, not the hair!" screamed Lavender as one of the creatures grabbed hold of her locks and pulled.

"OWWW!" yelled Draco after Goyle, who'd been aiming to pound a pixie with a heavy book, missed and struck him in the back of the head.

"Dammit!" exclaimed Mclaggen as he attempted to pop his wand out of its new holster only for it to fly out of his hand and land on the floor. Frowning in frustration, the wizard opted to start throwing the fallen books at the fiendishly cackling pixies as they zipped about. Seamus and Dean soon followed suit, missing more pixies than they hit as several books flew about.

"PROTEGO!" cried Jim, the only one who'd managed to get a spell against the creatures. A brilliant shimmering shield sprang into existence surrounding him, Ron, and Parvati Patil. Unfortunately, Jim realized almost instantly what a poor fit the Protego was for this situation. It was an enormous power hog for someone as young as him even under ideal situations, but more importantly, it was designed to block powerful spells and attacks at a single point of impact, not to protect three people from a flock of small magical creatures attacking at multiple points. After just a few seconds, Jim's knees started to wobble and his eyes swam. Then, his shield collapsed followed by the boy himself.

"Jim!" yelled Parvati as she tried to catch the staggering wizard, succeeding in gently guiding him to the floor, strategically placing some chairs around their persons to prevent further attacks.

"What are we going to do about these little beasties?" asked an exasperated Theo, jumping in surprise when a pixie made contact with his shoulder and was immediately thwarted by a sharp ZAP!, signaling the Vestamentarum's effectiveness.

"We need to immobilize them," replied Harry, looking around the room from his crouched position to gauge the relative positions of the creatures. He realized he and his friends were more or less in the classroom's center, fairly equidistant from each side and almost directly under the chandelier. Thanks to his mum, he was very familiar with Cornish Pixies, a large colony of which Lily had tied to the Evans Keep's ward scheme. "Since they're scattered all around, we can each target a general area. We have to be quick before they…oh…bugger." His four friends looked upward, their eyes widening in alarm.

A screaming and panicking Vincent Crabbe was attempting to free himself from the two pixies that had grabbed him by the ears. Chattering madly, they were steadily carrying him up into the air towards the hanging chandelier. They carefully lowered the boy when they reached one of the arms, hooking the still-screaming boy by his robe cuff.

"Alright everyone! Hermione, you and I will cast Immobulus Maxima at the center of the room near the chandelier. Neville, you'll cast the same behind us. Theo you take the right of us, Blaise the left! Ready?" He received four sharp nods in return.

"IMMOBULUS MAXIMA!" There was a massive flash of light before almost every creature was suddenly frozen in mid-air, their expressions quite dazed. All their classmates stared in amazement at their group, shocked they'd been able to defeat the decidedly very dangerous Cornish Pixies. From his position at the front of the class, Lockhart stared intently for a few seconds at Harry's group, before giving a brilliant smile of approval.

"Excellent showing you five! Marvelous! Positively stupendous! Ha-ha!" He began loudly applauding, smiling even larger when the rest of the class nervously joined in. Harry and his friends each grimaced out a smile as Lockhart turned to pick up the cage that he'd knocked over, apparently deliberately.

"Ten points to each of you for not only being the most productive in the room, but for effectively culling the creatures. And, preventing further disaster to your unfortunate classmate. WINGARDIUM LEVIOSA!" With that spell, he gently lifted Crabbe off the chandelier from which he had been hanging and down to the ground. The boy looked mildly horrified, dazedly taking a seat as he muttered, "Why me?"

"Why indeed? Does anyone have any theories as to why Mr. Crabbe was targeted in particular? Anyone at all?"

The room was silent for a second before Daphne Greengrass raised her hand confidently, and Lockhart called on her.

"Crabbe was the largest person in the middle of the room. Pixies generally target mid-sized animals like sheep or small cows and leave them hanging from blackthorn trees," she suddenly looked a bit green, "um, so that their blood can be… drained out." She looked away, expression very nauseated.

"Well stated and very observant of you, Miss Greengrass. Two points to Slytherin. And can anyone tell me why they chose to hang Mr. Crabbe from chandelier?" Another second passed before Harry spoke:

"Because of the blackthorn branches and blossoms you've hung in the chandelier, presumably to imitate their native habitats." Lockhart nodded approvingly, prompting Harry to continue. "As 'harmless' as Cornish pixies may appear to be, they are classified as carnivorous swarming predators. They carry a paralytic venom that incapacitates their victim, and had Mr. Crabbe been caught unawares in the wild, he'd have found himself hefted and bound in a tree and, as Ms. Greengrass explained, drained of his blood through a slow process of exsanguination."

"Excellent Potter, truly salient explanation! Take five points for Slytherin!" Then Lockhart clapped his hands loudly, startling his students. "Exsanguinated! What a delightful word for something so macabre! Makes me feel quite professional to say it! Ex-SANG-guinated! Ha-Ha!" No one laughed. "Anyway, Mr. Crabbe, you will be pleased to know that these pixies have been defanged, declawed and de-venomed for academic use. I promise you, I would never allow one of my students to be disemboweled and exsanguinated the first day. That would be terrible for my future book sales, ha-Ha!"

Vincent, naturally, didn't find that very funny.

"It is also important to note that Cornish pixies also have an unusual hunting technique. When a pair of pixies each grab an ear on a prey animal, it has the curious magical effect of making the prey weightless, which is how Mr. Crabbe could be lifted up to the ceiling by two creatures who weigh less than a pound each without having his ears ripped off instead. For future reference, Mr. Crabbe, should you find yourself in that situation again, the proper response is to grab each pixie around the stomach and gently squeeze until the creatures begin to lose consciousness, at which point they will gently float you to the ground. Of course, once you're back on the ground, you must immediately seek medical assistance, as the paralytic venom of wild pixies will render you completely helpless within fifteen minutes. If you have reason to believe that you're entering an area where wild Cornish pixies may be found, it would be wise to carry a vial of Mandrake extract with you, as it will counteract the paralysis if ingested quickly and render you immune to the venom for several hours." He reached into his vest pocket and pulled out a small vial containing a glowing green liquid. "The Muggles have a fantastic saying: Proper planning prevents poor performance," he said before replacing the vial and continuing with his lecture.

"Now, Messrs Potter, Longbottom, Nott, and Zabini, along with Miss Granger, thoroughly demonstrated the most effective means of attacking and successfully incapacitating the creatures. However, I am incredibly dismayed that almost no one else considered suitable defensive options." His expression became notably disappointed, forcing quite a few students to look away in embarrassment. "Mr. Malfoy and Mr. Potter the Elder, I did note you two attempted to defend your persons and your immediate neighbors with Protego shields – nicely executed especially for wizards of your age and experience – so take three points each for that effort." Both students lightly preened at the praise. "However, the deficiencies of Protego must have quickly become apparent when used against swarming creatures. What makes this particularly disappointing to me is that the correct answer should have been obvious to anyone who read my opus Holidays with Hags, in which I defended myself against a swarm of grindylows with the Vestamentarum shield Potter so effectively utilized for himself and his friends. Take another five points, Mr. Potter, for a most exemplary showing!" Harry bowed his head graciously whilst Blaise, Theo, and Neville took turns clapping his shoulders.

However, Hermione's eyes lightly widened in shock. Because she immediately recalled the exact chapter the Professor had just referenced. She'd been so irritated by his heavy-handed and seemingly nonsensical exaggeration that she'd ignored the very real lesson he'd been attempting to impart. Stunned, she slowly took a seat as Lockhart continued on:

"As the spell's description makes clear, it's a low-level full-body shield with minimal power requirements, but it is particularly useful against smaller swarming creatures of any kind, whether magical creatures like grindylows or pixies or mundane dangers such as bee swarms or piranha schools. It will not protect against any animals much larger than those nor will it block any actual spells, but Vestamentarum's power requirements are comparatively negligible. I've actually had one on since before I entered the room."

With that, he clapped his hands together hard, and the blue nimbus Harry had noticed earlier lit up again, causing a small spark of electricity to envelop both his hands.

"Now, I'll just put our little floating friends away, and we'll spend the remainder of the class practicing the Vestamentarum shield." With that, he pulled his wand back out and touched it to the empty cage now back on his desk. "Peskipiksi Pesternomi." There was a flurry of motion as all the pixies were sucked back into the cage with a loud WHOOSH!.

"Was that a spell, Professor?" asked Granger in surprise.

"No, Miss Granger, just a command word to activate the enchantment on the cage that automatically summons the pixies back inside." He chuckled. "We British do love our bad puns, don't we."

As the class was leaving some moments later, Blaise leaned in to Harry with a smirk. "Well?" Harry looked contemplative.

"You were right Blaise, absolutely right. There's much more to Lockhart than meets the eye. He's not just a pompous fraud."

But then Blaise's smirk faded as Harry looked him in the eye with a serious expression. "Which begs the question: why is he pretending to be a pompous fraud?"

Later that Evening…

Dearest Cousin Cassius,

It has been almost one week since your return to Hogwarts, and Grandfather is…disappointed at the lack of update from your end on your previously assigned task. I need not remind you that Grandfather expects you to treat said task as your top priority for your Second Year within Hogwarts. House Warrington is dependent on your success.

Do not tarry.

Oderint dum metuunt

AN 1: Percy Weasley threatening the Twins, found it rather effective! I think most dismiss Percy as a passive/pacifist stickler for the rules, but that doesn't mean he can't be fierce when the situation genuinely calls for it. He had just as much potential for Gryffindor as he did Slytherin. Only thing is if the Twins will heed his warning.

AN 2: I've always found Hermione, a Muggleborn who cherishes knowledge and its pursuit, rather hypocritical for being so dismissive (at times rudely so) of Luna and her creatures. Eurus' POV in this instance is very much my own.