Chapter 10

"Because of your amber eyes, and you're leading us with a star!"

But no matter how well Mosswhisker explained herself, nothing could soothe Carmen after that. Ignoring the warrior's pleading questions, she had stumbled away from the temporary camp in a haze, her ears ringing. She was vaguely aware of being followed. She was vaguely aware of when it stopped.

Eventually, she would find herself lost in a maze of incomprehensible human monoliths and cars that blinded the eyes with stolen sunlight. The very air rippled with heat, and here and there she caught glimpses of cats watching from behind the veil.

She wanted to believe in the future she'd dreamed of. Oh, how she wanted to believe it was still in the cards for her. How could she accept that Wick was destined to live the life she'd wanted with all her heart and soul? How could she accept that her path would forever be tied to cats who lived and died by violence? How could she accept that phantoms long dead had bound her to a fate she'd never known possible?

"Silverpelt!" she screamed, darting beneath a car in a calm parking lot. She coughed, her throat ragged and dry. "Silverpelt! By all the stars in the sky, tell me how I'm supposed to live like this! This isn't what I wanted! It's not what I'm meant for!"

She crouched, panting for a few wordless heartbeats. When again she spoke, her voice was frail as a spider's web. "If this is really my destiny… If it was the whole time, tell me how… How do I let go of… who I thought I was supposed to be?"

…

…

"Oh, my dear, you already have."

Carmen opened her eyes to see that she was back. The lake, the ghosts watching her from the shore, the silver and white fur of her contact with the beyond… She wished immediately that she'd not called out. But who else did she have to turn to? Who else could she take this to, who would understand it?

"You just don't want to acknowledge it."

She sat there, trembling, fur on end. There was a scar ripped across the face of very being, and these creatures were responsible for it. StarClan were the most powerful force she'd ever witnessed. They were her strength, her guiding light… as well as the set of claws pulling her under so deep that she could drown. They were on her side, yes, so long as she was on theirs.

"Breathe, my dear. For though your heart was set on a different path, you will find that this one is far greater. You will come to love it, in time."

Carmen gathered up all the will and strength she had, drawing from her blood and bones and her very soul. She looked Silverpelt in the eye. She opened her mouth to speak-

"In the interim, we will need you to lead your new Clan in heart and spirit as well as pawsteps. You must work to instill in them, a belief in StarClan. Let them know and honor us, for we only seek to see them prosper."

"I-I was… I had something to s-"

"You have said that you care for your Clan. If that is true, there is plenty of work to be done."

"I don't-"

"In addition to sowing seeds of our blessings, you will need to unite them. Unite them as they have never been before. Unite them in the face of what is to come. Unite them into a proper Clan." Silverpelt lowered herself to directly meet Carmen's wide stare. "A great trial stands before this burgeoning Clan. Should it fail, it will fracture. Listen well, little ember. Take these words to heart:"

"Unite or die."

"What? But-but I-"

A door shut. The car she was hiding under roared to life. Carmen scrambled out from her cover and ran in a blind panic. The concrete burned her pads as if she were running across a sheet of solid fire. The air filling her nose was hot and stuffy, rife with some ill-defined miasma that never seemed to bother the humans who'd made it. Carmen ran in a zigzagging, tilted gait resulting from having one's mind snapped from one place to the next and back again with nothing but cryptic warnings to show for it.

What had Silverpelt meant by that? By any of it?

Carmen ran for a long time, weaving in and out of alleys and bolting across busy streets. She ran, burning alive from the inside out, until she began to slow.

She slowed from a sprint to a run. She slowed from a run to a trot. She walked another several paces and came to a stop in the middle of some sidewalk in some nameless region of the City. Her muscles shook. Her dry throat threatened to claw its way out in search of water. Humans parted like a gentle stream to pass around her without regard.

It was true, wasn't it? That she had already given up on her dream? Or maybe… maybe she had a new one. But that couldn't be true! It just couldn't! This wasn't life; this was a break in reality, a complete departure from everything she'd ever known to be right. Her life was supposed to be soft and easy. Poised and perfect. Duchess had raised her to be everything a Show Cat was meant to be. This life out here on the streets… it was breaking all the rules!

Foggy vision. Black spots.

For Carmen to admit that she didn't care so much about looks, for her to admit she wasn't suited for high society life anymore, for her to admit that she wasn't the same kit that escaped a human's den, she'd have to admit that life wasn't at all what she'd thought it was. She'd have to face the muddled, lawless existence splayed out before her head-on. She'd have to push aside all her fear and bias to charge into a life she'd not wanted before, but did now. She'd have to admit that the luxury and the fawning and the pretty pictures hung on walls was something less. Something inferior. Something only a kit raised to want it could strive for.

Right?

Strange; she couldn't remember lying down.

She wanted Darkwood. He had experience. He would know what to say to make her feel better. She wanted Shadefur, who knew about panic spells and how to deal with them. She wanted Mosswhisker or Hawktalon to find her and tell her off for running away. She wanted Snowstripe, one of the few who'd shown her kindness from the start, to whisper reassurances into her ear that everything would be okay. That she'd done nothing wrong. That she did all she could when the dogs attacked, and Vinepaw was safe and sound.

But as she faded from the world, she realized something troubling: that of all the cats she'd wanted by her side, not one of them had been a parent or littermate. That to have Duchess find her in this state was an idea she didn't want to suffer. She'd rather have a Clan cat in her time of need.

And then, she was gone.

…

Bright lights and cool air.

…

Voices she couldn't understand babbling to one another.

…

The scent of chemicals and kibble and chlorine.

…

In and out. In and out. In and out. Until…

Carmen pulled her eyes open to the blurry sight of shiny metal bars. A plastic two-in-one dish held a scoop of kibble and some stagnant water. Her leg twinged with the remnants of some pinprick or another. Though she was sluggish, she could already feel StarClan at work in her veins, returning her strength. Muffled, hushed voices drifted through the air around her. The cold air.

"… gonna kill me. Ain't even gonna move me to a shelter, they're just gonna kill me."

"Could you at least try to be a little more positive?"

"I'm positive their gonna kill me. That's what happens to cats people don't want anymore. They get dropped off somewhere, an' if they're sick an' if they ain't kittens anymore, they get killed off to save the space."

"Bunny, don't think like that!"

"It's true."

Dragging herself closer to the door of her cage, Carmen found the source of the ragged voice; it was a bulky, ragged she cat with twisted whiskers and a black pelt now speckled with white. She had thick, long fur, but no traits tying her outright to a particular breed.

"Excuse me," she croaked, "could someone tell me where we are?"

Bunny stared at her for a long moment. "Purebred's awake," she said to the feline in the cage to Carmen's right.

"We're at a vet, love. I think they brought you in for overheating?"

"I… oh. Right. Okay."

"And don't listen to Bunny. No one's going to die."

"I am. What human's gonna want an old bag of bones that gets too sick too easy? 'Specially with some o' those groups runnin' around killin' those precious birds."

Carmen lapped some water and cleared her throat. She cut off the other's argument with, "what birds?"

"You seen those birds with the mottled black and brown feathers? They're rare. Not a lot left of 'em. Only in the wild in certain places of the world. Humans want 'em to stay around. Problem is, they don't wanna stop rippin' up the trees those birds like to live in. Add that to th' rat-brained idiots goin' around huntin' 'em like its a game, and you gotta recipe for trouble."

"Oh. That… That explains why so many of the humans looked so angry with us, right? Because some cats are hunting their special birds?"

"Bingo."

"Nothing's going to happen. Please; we don't need cats going around spreading fear."

Bunny scoffed. "Sometimes, there's a reason to be afraid."

"What happens now? I don't have a human," said Carmen.

"You're young and healthy. You'll get a chance at the shelter."

"We'll all get a chance-"

"I can't go to a shelter! I can't be stuck in a human den; I have to warn the Clan!"

Her heart was pounding unsteadily, its rhythm yet to recover. Still her body ached and burned. StarClan was healing her, but she wasn't there yet.

Here was her shot to leave the Clan behind, to at least secure a comfortable life herself. And yet, the thought was enough to make her stomach turn. Things were going to get worse before they got better, and the Clan needed to be ready.

Carmen knew that she should've been happy. She knew she should have been excited, relieved, or even simply resigned to the fate that the humans had planned. Food that she didn't have to kill. Air that didn't suffocate. Rest and safety and well health at the very least, were a promise if she stayed.

And here she was, thinking of the Clan. Putting it first. Silverpelt was right after all. Carmen had already made her decision. Something in her had changed somewhere along the line. Her choice was the life of a Clan cat.

Her choice was the life of a warrior.

#

If I've done my job right, it should've been clear at the start, but just in case: Mosswhisker doesn't know that names ending 'star' are a leader's name, hence what she came up with aligning with Carmen's promised future name.