Wander Over Yonder: The New Galaxy

Chapter Four: The First Night

Hater has inadvertently promised to help his most hated enemy cook supper. Wonder how that'll go for him…

Sometimes the writing goes well and a chapter happens suddenly. ;)

Glad everyone's liking it so far. Next chapter we should get to see our first planet and see how Wander's flower is doing. For now, we have an evening on ship with our sillies.

Our adventure continues!

Lord Hater had been a powerful and feared villain for many years. He had accomplished thousands of evil deeds and spread his name far and wide throughout the galaxy. He had conquered countless planets, reduced entire civilizations to rubble and ruin and brought misery and despair to all who dared oppose him. He was the Monarch of Mayhem, the Duke of Destruction, the Greatest in the Galaxy. All of that was his mantra, what he told himself to help him sleep at night and energize himself in the morning. He'd even recently defeated the most dangerous villain ever to threaten the galaxy, completely single-handed.

Nowhere in this impressive list of titles and accomplishments did it say that he was supposed to help a furry orange pest cook supper for an entire ship of refugees.

So, what exactly was he doing here?

Hater wasn't exactly sure how to answer that question. After his threat to keep an eye on the annoying mop while he prepared the food had somehow been twisted around into keeping the scruffy vagabond company, Wander had dragged the protesting overlord with him down to what passed for a kitchen on board ship, settled him in a chair, and proceeded to don a green apron he pulled from his hat, and start to lay out all manner of ingredients from the cupboards, chattering away happily to him the whole time.

Hater had thought about making his escape then, either by sneaking out while the fuzzy toothpick had his back turned, or by yelling, blasting something and storming his way out of the kitchen, which would be more satisfying, but ran the risk of him being ambushed and seated back in his chair. He wasn't sure how Wander would accomplish that, but he wouldn't put it past the freak.

He was still deciding between these options, when his eye was drawn to the wandering weirdo as he wielded a knife with impressive skill, chopping, peeling and slicing while still managing to talk the skeleton's non-existent ears off at the same time.

Hater wasn't impressed, of course, but it kept his attention all the same. He realized he'd never really seen someone cooking before. The one time he'd tried to watch Peepers, he'd ended up banned from the kitchen when his shouted demands and instructions had nearly caused some knife-related accidents his commander was apparently still upset over. The only other time when he'd spent a while in the kitchen had been when he was attempting to make himself breakfast, and it had been an exercise in frustration and unexplained foul smells, and ultimately resulted in an inedible breakfast.

He stood from his chair without thinking, trying to get a better look at what Wander was doing. He took a step, then another, only noticing how close he'd gotten when the nomad turned to take some of his vegetables to the stove.

Wander jumped slightly to find Hater looming over him. Then he smiled.

"Need anythin', buddy?" he asked.

"I'm not your buddy," was Hater's standard response, though with less fire in the words than usual, still preoccupied as he was with what Wander had been up to. "What are you making anyway?" he ventured after a moment.

Wander's smile widened, but Hater barely noticed.

"Well, we've got a lot of fresh vegetables on board, an' some of 'em probably need to be used early on, since I figure they won't last, so I'm gonna make a stir-fry with some bell peppers, snap peas, lumashrooms an' broccoli, an' maybe throw in some water chestnuts too, along with some rice an' some fried tempeh strips," he explained. "Then maybe a cake or somethin' for dessert, to celebrate bein' off on our way an' everythin'."

Hater still wasn't entirely sure what Wander was making; surly he'd just described two different methods of preparation, stirring and frying. Nevertheless, he found himself still intrigued as Wander heated a heavy, wide, metal bowl on the stove-top, drizzled some oil and then began scraping in some of the chopped vegetables, which hissed as they touched the hot metal.

"Is it hard?" Because, only to himself, Hater was pretty sure it was. "I mean, I know it can't be too hard if you're able to do it, but still, is it?"

"Nah, not really. Jes' gotta learn it like everythin' else, an' practice o' course." Wander looked from the pan he was minding up at Hater, and he looked almost hesitant for a moment, though he was still smiling. "You wanna help, Hater?"

The overlord recoiled immediately, feeling rather as though he'd been lured into a trap.

"Help? You?" he snarled.

"Yeah!" Wander looked away briefly, drizzling some dark liquid into the pan from a bottle he was holding, still moving the vegetables around with a wooden spoon in his other hand. "I know you tried cookin' before an' it wasn't s'great a time, but that's 'cause ya didn't have anyone ta do it with! Who knows, ya might even like it!"

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure I won't," Hater declared with certainty. "And I'm not going to 'help' anyone, especially you. I said it was one time only."

"Okey-doke!" Wander was grinding salt and pepper into his concoction now, flipping the grinders with a flourish afterwards so they fell back into his hat.

Hater once again thought about sneaking away and once again continued to watch. Wander was silent now, apparently concentrating on his seasoning, though he paused to add rice to the boiling pot on the back burner.

The more Hater watched, the more interested he got, and he could feel his bony fingers practically twitch with the urge to try it. Wander made it look so easy, and, more importantly, fun. Besides, Hater didn't like the idea there was something the fuzzy mop could do that he couldn't. It wasn't necessarily helping Wander if he did some of the cooking. After all, he'd be eating it too.

"So, say I did want to know how to cook," Hater began cautiously. He tried to keep his voice sounding casual. "Just in case I was lost in the woods or something and I needed to, what exactly would I do?"

"Well, I s'pose you could cut the tempeh inta strips. It's over there on the counter." Wander's back was to Hater as he tended to the stove, but the overlord could still hear the smile in his voice, which he ignored with a valiant effort. Slicing something did appeal to him. And I don't have to worry about being cut, he thought smugly.

Finding the block of off-white something on the counter, he chose the biggest, sharpest knife he could see and hacked it into rough strips. It felt satisfying to destroy something and be making something at the same time, and he found his default glare lessening slightly.

"What do I do with this?" Hater called when he was finished. He tried to put some base into his tone, to let Wander know he wasn't asking, but demanding, but he wasn't sure the nomad noticed.

"That gets fried separately, then we toss it in at the end," Wander instructed. The nomad turned briefly, inspecting Hater's uneven pieces. "Nice job!" he approved, which gave Hater a smug feeling of self-satisfaction inside. "You can start it in that pan if ya like." He indicated a smaller frying pan off to the side, already drizzled with oil.

Hater bit his jaw, eyeing the thing with some amount of trepidation. Reassuring himself that he had no flesh to get burned, turned the pan on, then dumped his plate in once it seemed hot, jumping slightly as the oil hissed and spat. He didn't think Wander had been looking, but the little alien moved deftly to the side to avoid the splatter, before handing Hater a spatula, turning down the heat slightly under the monster as he did so.

The cooking continued in this strange, half-social fashion. Maybe it was because Wander's attention wasn't all focused on him, but Hater found it fairly easy to get along with the weirdo for once. He didn't even mind that Wander was talking to him like before. He didn't really answer except with a grunt or an objection, but Wander didn't seem to mind, and Hater found the chatting didn't really bother him the way it usually would have.

The activity also served to keep his mind occupied, which meant those brooding thoughts about what he had done stayed away, for now at least, which was a welcome relief. Plus, it was maybe even kind of fun, something he planned to adamantly deny later.

When they finished the dinner and started on dessert, Hater was actually kind of glad to try his hand at another recipe, although it was disappointing that this one had less weaponry and cutting involved.

And he'd thought of a perfect excuse if anyone asked. He was just doing this to lull Wander into a false sense of security, and at the same time, get a look at his enemy's weird little mind. It was such a good excuse, in fact, he found himself almost believing it.

Something was wrong with Lord Hater, aside from the obvious, that is.

Commander Peepers had the greatest respect for his boss, even over the past two years when the constant encounters with Wander and Sylvia had destroyed an increasing number of their evil schemes for galactic conquest and often, in the latter's case, the skull ship.

But, despite everything; all the derailed plans, the times Hater had completely ignored planet takeovers in favour of chasing after the furry pest and the complete lack of focus the overlord often showed, when the chips had been down that final time, Lord Hater had come in like the conqueror he truly was, and proven himself to be far greater than that two-bit villain who dared to try and destroy their galaxy.

Peepers had been in awe. Even though Hater had saved the galax, and they hadn't exactly been able to conquer it yet, their dreams had never felt so close as when Dominator's planet-penetrating drill had been slammed back through the center of her ship, spraying lava and starting a chain reaction that finally caused the complete destruction of the awful thing.

For a moment, he'd dared to hope that Wander and Dominator had perished in the explosion, but he should have known better. It was just like the furry freak to not only survive an impossible situation, but to somehow save someone else at the same time.

At least Dominator didn't seem like she'd be much trouble for them for a while, but Wander certainly would be.

Peepers had been trying to give his boss some space after everything. Hater had been exhausted, and the watchdog couldn't blame him. He let the skeleton lord rest, and set the watchdogs to assessing the skull-ship and repairing what they could without the parts they were missing.

As he did so, he planned. Hater's incredible feat had given them the perfect start to their takeover of the brand-new galaxy. He had just shown he was stronger and badder than the most dangerous villain anyone had ever encountered. The rest of the villains were still scattered and in hiding, and the citizens of the galaxy would only start returning to their planets once this weird ship had dropped them off. Then they would have to start rebuilding their homes on whatever the new planets looked like. They certainly wouldn't have time to mount adequate defenses before the skull-ship could be repaired and the Lord Hater Empire once again arrived to subjugate them. And with all the watchdogs having witnessed Hater's defeat of Dominator, there shouldn't be any morale problems either.

It was perfect.

The only hitch was Lord Hater himself.

It wasn't just tiredness, especially after almost a week resting in his room. There was something else that was making his boss anxious and pensive, especially once their departure time had been set. Sure, probably some of it was stemming from Hater's forced proximity to his greatest enemy, but something was weird about that too. Since boarding, it seemed like that proximity hadn't been bothering Hater nearly as much as it should.

From what he'd heard in the corridors and even from some of the watchdogs, Hater had been spending an awful lot of time around Wander lately, even some before boarding the ship, and none of it appeared to be attempts to destroy the wandering nuisance. He'd even heard the two of them had cooked supper together, although he wasn't quite ready to believe that, and had given Jim, the watchdog who'd reported it, an official reprimand for spreading rumors and a very threatening warning to keep any similar stories to himself.

Hater also seemed a little too chummy with the other 'passengers' during supper. Granted, they were supposed to be pretending to get along with the galaxy's citizens until they could get the parts to their ship and get it back in conquering shape, but Hater seemed like he was enjoying all the attention from the other aliens a little too much. The overlord had always wanted to be popular, and now he was, for the moment anyway. It was worrying, and Peepers made a mental note to have a private meeting with his boss soon and remind him not to get too friendly with the people they'd be conquering in a week or two.

Until then, he'd just have to keep his eye sharp and find ways to deal with these problems, as well as head off any others that cropped up. That had always been his job, even in the old days, and there was no reason why it should change now.

By the time they returned to their room, Hater was exhausted.

They'd finished the stir-fry, and the cake had just come out of the oven, when they'd heard noises from the dining room outside, and found that most of the ship's passengers had wandered down in search of food.

Hater had thought he could maybe use the confusion to grab his plate and slip away to his room, but in amongst all the aliens going this way and that, serving the food and setting out plates and cutlery, he somehow ended up seated at one of the long benches with Major Threat on one side of him and, thankfully, Peepers on the other. His commander had given him a strange look when he emerged from the kitchen with Wander, but he hadn't said anything, and Hater had figured he could always give the watchdog his excuse later.

Other aliens came and filled the spaces around and across from them, and Hater realized the seating near him was being preferentially chosen. He glared at the interlopers, but he couldn't help the warm glow inside to know he was the most popular person in the room.

Wander set his plate before him with a conspiratorial wink and Hater flinched from habit, but as the nomad headed off to find a seat next to Sylvia, the overlord found himself following that bobbing green had with his eyes.

Okay, so spending time with Wander today hadn't been the end of the galaxy, or even really that bad. Sharing a room with him was still probably going to be pretty awful, but at least it had started off okay.

And he felt a special kind of thrill when he looked down at his meal, knowing he'd made part of it, even if he was now realizing they hadn't put any meat in the food. Did Wander not eat meat? That would make sense given the whole 'wandering space hippy' thing he had going on. But, even if it was just veggie garbage, it still smelled amazing, and tasted just as good when he ventured to try a forkful.

The other aliens were eating, chatting and laughing and, like Wander's chatter during the cooking, Hater found he didn't really mind them. He was used to eating alone, either in his private dining room or in his bedroom. If he ordered something from the food court, it was always brought to one of those locations.

But, despite the strangeness, the overlord found himself relaxing amid the strange company. It actually kind of reminded him of that wild party with his prisoners on the skull-ship, and there were even a few of the same faces. The energy was very similar too, and even though Hater didn't quite let himself smile and laugh along with the others, he couldn't help it if his glower slipped a bit, and he even ended up re-telling some of his encounters with Dominator, with some alterations, including his final victory against her, as the aliens near him listened and applauded appreciatively. And if a few smiles managed to slip through his guard, that was probably just because he was reliving that triumphant moment. Even a bad guy could be proud of and revel in his accomplishments.

Wander had gone back into the kitchen partway through, apparently to wash the dishes, and Hater had no idea how the fuzzy mop had any energy left. The cooking alone had been exhausting enough, if kind of fun, he supposed.

Now, Hater looked around the small room, tired, but oddly satisfied from everything. It really hadn't been the worst day, all told, and he was looking forward to collapsing into bed for a well-earned rest.

Or he was, right up until he remembered he didn't have a bed to collapse into, just that weird fabric sling he'd already forgotten the name of.

He stood next to the thing in confusion for a few moments, until Wander looked over from where he was speaking sweetly into Captain Tim's refuge. Hater really didn't know what that was all about. It seemed like the pest couldn't leave his pet alone and he was honestly surprised the arachnomorph hadn't taken the little alien's face off with how close he kept getting.

"Everythin' hunky-dory, roomie?" Wander asked.

"What? What does that even mean?" Hater demanded, fed up with the annoyance's made up hillbilly phrases. "We're not roomies, and no, it's not…whatever you just said. "What is this stupid thing supposed to be?" He pokes at the hanging cloth with one claw, watching it sway on its ropes.

"Ya never slept in a hammock before, Hater?"

"Uh, no! Why would I do that? I have the biggest bed on the best ship in the galaxy. What kind of ship doesn't have beds? Just because you're a weirdo who never sleeps in one," he muttered.

Wander chuckled, not remotely bothered by Hater's tone.

"No, silly! It's 'cause We got such a big group of folks along fer tha ride. We didn't really have all that much bedding or space to go around, so the hammocks helped with both o' those problems. They take some gettin' used to, but they're pretty comfy once you get tha hang of 'em. You want me ta show ya how to get in?"

"No," Hater grumbled, despite his apprehension. He didn't want any help from the furry orange pain, especially not on something as easy as getting in bed. He might have gotten along with Wander a little better this evening, but he needed to draw the line somewhere and prove to the pest they were still enemies. "I'm Lord Hater, the Greatest in the Galaxy! I'll figure it out myself."

"Okay, Mr. Grumpy-robes. If ya say so."

Hater glared, choosing to ignore Wander and return to inspecting the hammock. He poked it a couple more times. It seemed very unstable. If he put one foot inside, what was to keep it from flipping over? There was silence for several minutes as Hater continued to examine the hammock while Wander's patient smile bored into his back.

"Sooooo," Wander ventured finally. "You gonna turn in?"

Hater was struck suddenly by an idea.

"You go first," he instructed. "I've gotta go change anyway."

Grabbing his pajama cloak, Hater hurried out of the door, but instead of going down the hallway to the communal bathroom, he kept the door open a crack and peaked in as Wander gave Captain Tim a final blown kiss, then crossed to his hammock. He watched carefully as the nomad removed his shoes and seated himself in the fabric sling before scooting backwards into its center. He lay back and stretched his legs out comfortably. It didn't look that hard.

Hater hurriedly changed, then sauntered smugly back into the room, crossing to his own hammock and seating himself gingerly on its edge as Wander had done, holding both sides with his hands. It seemed awfully shaky.

"Lookin' good, Hater!" Wander approved from across the way. "Now ya just ease yerself inta the middle…"

"I said, I don't need your help!" Hater snapped. Okay, ease yourself into the middle. How hard could that be? He pushed himself back into the middle of the hammock, leaning backward as he did so, and then suddenly his feet were off the floor as the hammock swung under him and he felt himself falling. A pare of furry hands caught his shoulders and Hater found himself pushed upright again until his feet found the floor. His heart was in his mouth, but he managed to find the presence of mind to glare at Wander as the little alien straightened him and gently lifted his legs so he was lying in the thing. "I could have done that on my own, Wander," Hater grumbled over the pounding of his heart, but he consented to let Wander lay a blanket over him with only a glare. He wasn't quite sure how to move without tipping the thing over.

"There!" Wander patted the blanket over Hater's ribcage. "Snug as a bug in a rug! G'night, Hater!"

"Whatever."

Hater watched as Wander turned out the light, leaving only a faint glow of stars through their window. In the dimness, he crossed to his hammock again, swinging into it without apparent effort. In another minute, Hater could hear Wander's soft snores. His cheekbones felt uncomfortably warm, and he pulled the blanket closer around himself, keeping his movements slow and not liking how the hammock swayed. It reminded him a little of his old water bed, before Peepers had popped it while trying to capture Wander, except that he'd never worried about falling out of that. Still, it was fairly comfortable, provided he didn't move much, and at least he was in the thing now, and would probably be fine for the rest of tonight. And in the morning…

Hater froze as the thought trailed off. He'd been so worried about getting in the hammock, he'd never thought of the other side.

How was he supposed to get out of it?

Hope you enjoyed!

This chapter ended up a little longer than I intended. Wanted to finish the evening so we can have a brand-new day next chapter. I actually had a lot of fun writing Hater's cooking scene with Wander, and the hammock scene as well! I hope they were believable for him.

For those of you wondering, I am working on the next chapter for Fighting The Tide, but it's being finicky and it's a pretty crucial one, so I want to take my time. We'll see if it manages to get finished next, or if it's chapter four for this story.

See you next time!