Howdy Folks!
First and foremost, this is my first fic. So, you know, don't expect peak fiction. I don't want to set a new record for how fast someone gets disappointed in me. (Current record is 18 seconds)
Secondly, this is not a self-insert. I just feel the need to clarify. Jack is an entirely original character.
Thirdly, I had trouble figuring out which genres to tag this story as, so I'll just say now that it's a mix of drama, angst, adventure, and humor.
Finally, a fair warning to those that the rating on this is M for a reason, this story is not sunshine and rainbows. The language and humor can be kind of vulgar at times. If you're not into that feel free to leave this behind never to be read again. BUT YOU'RE ALREADY THIS FAR SO NOW YOU HAVE TO READ THE WHOLE THING!
Jokes aside, that's pretty much all I have to say. A pleasant reading and I hope you enjoy it!
(I don't own RWBY, RWBY belongs to Rooster teeth.)
VOLUME 1 CHAPTER 1 - Hitchhikers May Be Escaping Dunces From Other Worlds
I can't deny it anymore.
I might be a little insane. The spontaneous laughter and shifty eyes probably aren't doing me any favors. But then again the anxious feeling has been fading, if slowly, from me with every passing minute. Given who I am and where I am now, I could've had a much worse reaction than the deranged screeching that emanated from my throat the moment I realized I was in RWBY. Pretty much all eyes on the airship to Beacon turned on me at that instant. I mean come on guys. Haven't you ever seen a guy have a manic reality shattering breakdown?
But I'm immune to shame! I swear! The only thing that settled my frayed nerves was the game apps on my phone that didn't require Wi-Fi, but that shit died like an hour ago, so now I'm forced to tap my foot and try to stop my twitchy face from looking like I've had a brain aneurysm. I feel unstable. Another curious little side eye from an adolescent schmuck will make me snap. I don't want a bunch of teenagers a couple years younger than me with superpowers to kill me because I went apeshit. That would be embarrassing.
I was leaving town, trying to get away from it all. A last-ditch attempt to escape the overwhelming weight of character development god felt he should drop on my head, events which have and still are putting my mental and emotional state through the ringer. And then I got here, outta nowhere. Just opened my eyes and whoop, you're in RWBY dipshit have fun! No, I will not. Not before having a mental breakdown first. This truly is the moment of all time.
Right when I began to stifle down another laugh and hug myself a little tighter to try and stop myself from shaking so much, some random huntress in training decided she would try and see if I was ok. Bleeding hearts and all, or so I'm led to believe.
"First day nerves, you alright buddy?"
"I'm fine, fuck you!" I had trouble keeping the laughter out of my voice. I just needed to get out of this fucking deathtrap. I knew logically of course that this wasn't as claustrophobic a place as I'm making it seem, but logic and I have a love hate relationship at best. The huntress, who I now recognized as someone familiar, contorted her face to one of anger. Or at least I think it's anger. Heyo, it's Yang!
"Fine then, fuck you too." The brawler turned around and tried to act dismissive, but I could tell I peeved her a bit. Oh, look at that, the monke part of my brain is telling me to egg her on.
"You wish, broad." She flipped me the bird while walking away. Well at least she didn't hit me, I'm sure she wouldn't mean to kill little ol' auraless me, but I've been known to do life threatening shit with an unhealthy amount of certainty to my survival. It's just a matter of time before I accidentally kill myself on purpose. Am I immortal?
What a fiery temperament you have. I shouldn't have snapped. I know that, but It's taking considerable mental strain to keep me from decking the next person who looks at me let alone talk to me. Also at the same time…just no. I don't want to be friendly with her. She's far too on the other side of the spectrum from me. Extroverts give me the chills, not that I don't like talking to other people sometimes but thriving on interaction makes no sense to me, it's just more work. Not like I was planning on making friends with anyone here anyway. Actually, I have no idea what I'm doing, but that'll change as soon as I get the hell out into fresh air. I also really need to piss. Tough shit Jack, no bathrooms on board. Who's the brainiac that invented this thing!? Whatever, I'm good I can hold it in.
Excellent bladder control aside though. The laughter finally stopped, and the shaking is at a minimum. I ran a hand through my brown hair and started taking deep breaths, trying to shut out the world around me briefly. Only to have my impromptu meditation interrupted by the goodwife's hologram.
"Hello and welcome to Beacon, my name is Glynda Goodwitch. You are among the precious few who have received the honor of being selected to attend this acade-"
Yeah, not listening to that. I turned and pressed my forehead against the window with a view of the approaching cliffs. The school was really something else. It's a sight that calmed me down at least.
The airship finally docked. I left briskly, pushing people out of the way that were walking too slow. Alright I'm being an asshole, but I'm in a shitty mood. That's my excuse. Let's couple that mood with dumbasses who walk like old people. I moved past the vomiting Jaune and made an immediate right upon egress. Walking away from the school and along the cliffs.
After about a half mile I pissed off the edge and sat down. Then I did something which I hate because it eventually makes me sad. I started thinking.
Here's the thing about me. I tend to roll with the punches most of the time, which is why It feels like I'm already considering my place here. Since I'm stopping to actually form a complete fucking thought, the first step for me is catastrophizing. The reality of the situation is one I already know and just haven't quite accepted yet. I'm not getting home. I'm stuck here.
It occurs to me that this whole thing could be me just having a schizo moment, dissociating in the streets until I eventually get hit by a car or something. But this just feels too real. And if I'm dead and having one of those hallucinations your brain gives you before you check out then why is it RWBY? Brain activity has been proven to spike just after death, but if this is my final dream It obviously wouldn't last thi-nope, never use the word obviously. Things are only ever obvious to you.
Who is me anyway? Am I going to have an existential crisis? How long has it been since I sat down? Ok, the first thing I should know about myself, if I haven't figured it out yet, is that I make no sense. This world also makes no sense. Yay! I do have a place here. Nothing really back home for me anymore since…
Nah, I'm good. No more thinking for me. I'll just wing it here. I might get some cool superpowers out of it or something. I would need to unlock my aura for that. Don't really know how to do that though aside from getting someone to do it for me. Ha! Talk about delusional. No one's probably gonna want anything to do with me. Give me a break I've only seen volume one of this shitfest and I barely remember everything. And from the personalities I've seen on screen none of them are relatable. Unless of course one or two of them are dubious little creatures getting up to mischief. Or as I like to call it, havin that dawg in me.
My god I'll never be able to get a job. I have no ID, I checked. Because my dumbass forgot my wallet when I decided to waltz out the front door, I mean I was pretty emotional and all over the place but that's no excuse. If Vale is anything like the U.S., then getting a job without any identification is illegal. I'll just be another street vagrant trying to make it day to day, if they don't incarcerate me for trying to cheat my way into Beacon or something. Wait no, that doesn't make sense, Ozpin definitely knew Jaune faked his transcripts. How could he not? So, either he doesn't care or he's entirely too busy with something else to the point that this kind of stuff flies under his radar, I'd wager the former. I pulled my phone out of my jeans pocket and tried to turn it on to no avail. The moment I looked up from doing that though I saw the airship already out in the bay.
"Well, fuck you. And the smooth brain that invented you."
I rubbed my eyes. It's a day in the life.
I looked at my dead phone. Even if it did have juice it wasn't like I could call my aunt and-No no no, don't go down that train of thought any further. I scrunched my eyes shut and let out a shaky breath.
…I guess I'm doing this. Wandering around the forest trying to leave is a bad idea, the monsters may look cuddly, but they eat human flesh for laughs. Revealing myself as a non-student could have only one possible outcome and it doesn't look promising. It's me getting kicked out of Beacon and thrown to the streets with a slap on the booty, homeless and struggling to get by. So I follow the feckless blonde knight's example then. I'll get figured out at some point, probably during or after initiation. But if I pass initiation, I might be just impressive enough to be allowed to attend Beacon.
Honestly, attending Beacon doesn't sound that bad even without aura. I mean, I might need to compensate for that at some point or get someone to actually unlock it. Which, to reiterate, is a pipedream at best. I'm not a lovable person.
But well, fuck it. Why not? This'll be easy peasy, because if a nimrod like Jaune could do it, without aura no less, so could I. No need to out myself of this wonderful opportunity to get free room and board in an entirely new universe where I have no identity by revealing I'm not a student.
I climbed to my feet and tried in vain once again to turn the phone on. I groaned in annoyance before chucking the thing off the cliffs and into the water below. Won't work here anyway, don't know why I bothered.
I turned to the direction of the school and started the short trek back.
The walk back felt longer. I stood where the students were dropped off. I faced the school once again, this time taking it in while on the ground.
Holy dicknuts! This place really is an architectural wonder. Which is…shitty, because who would waste tax dollars on an eyesore. Isn't this place meant to be where the next generation of the world's saviors are supposed to train? Good lord. Now I know why they have goofy ahh teachers, because they literally don't have the money to pay the better ones.
I sent a plea to the heavens.
"Universe? If you're going to kill me and violate me, please do it in that order."
Which I guarantee will fall on deaf ears if my bipolar havin ass luck has a say.
And so I strolled forward. I passed icicles who was marching off and making a face like someone just defecated in her food. Maybe I can make her day better with my enchanting personality. I turned and tapped her shoulder before she got too far away.
"Hey icicles, where's the place where all the students are supposed to go?" I asked.
"What did you call me!?" She looked at me with that face retail workers make when they try to kill you with their mind.
"What? Don't act like a sensitive little snowflake, miss prissy britches." I responded.
"I assume you know me, which means you should know better than to insult me! Get it right. It's Weiss Schnee, heiress to the Schnee Dust Company. Not whatever jargon you made up to make you appear cleverer."
Ok, go off Weiss.
"Yeah ok, so where's the place students are supposed to go?" I asked once again.
"Figure it out yourself, you dolt!" She waved me off.
"Aww you're so cute when I'm under your skin." I gave her the rizz face.
She curled her face into a disgusted sneer. And walked off as elegantly as a pissed off, pretentious, silver spoon fed heiress could. It was then I realized that I could literally just follow her until I get where I need to go. I yawned and started in her footsteps. She never noticed me so I guess she just sort of assumed I wouldn't follow her to get where I needed to go. Never underestimate the ingenuity of a dumbass. Common Occam's razor w.
Eventually I arrived at the auditorium. I eyed a couple of our heroes. Pyrrha, Ruby, and Jaune. Christ, Pyrrha is tall. mostly because of the high heels though. It looks like Ozzy and the other teachers are only a little bit taller than me by the looks of it. Which means the students are all like pathetic little ants to me. Like mistress fistress or icicles for instance. Honestly no wonder everyone hated her at the beginning. The one thing I can't tolerate in a person is them being a bitch, that is a no- no.
And there she is now, giving more shit to another person. I think it may be Ruby. Yeah, she's huddling next to her sister so it's definitely the ankle biter. Icicles held out a pamphlet in her direction. I got close enough to read it.
"Dust for Dummies, and Other Inadequate Individuals?" all three girls turned to me and Weiss stopped her tirade to regard me for a moment.
"Oh, great it's you. The cretin that was too dumb to find the amphitheater, so he had to shadow a girl like a creep. You're lucky I took the smallest ounce of pity on you and let you follow me."
Uh oh, busted (also amphitheater? really?). I opened my mouth and raised a finger in defiance before the fight drained from me almost as quickly as it came. Instead, I snatched the pamphlet from her hand.
"Yoink, get fucked." I spoke.
"Hey!" she objected.
I started leafing through the pamphlet, trying to get a better idea of the magical bullshit rocks. She tried reaching for it but I held it high and started reading that way so she couldn't reach. Of course, that didn't last long. She used her aura to augment herself and jump up to grab it from me.
"That wasn't meant for you, it was for this one here." she shoved the pamphlet into ankle biters arms.
"I'm stupid and an inadequate individual, that makes me more qualified than her to have the pamphlet." I responded.
Yang eyed me as I held out my hand to the ankle biter.
"Gimme!" I said eloquently, so much so in fact that Ruby acquiesced with a nervous chuckle.
Weiss groaned. "Whatever, just don't talk to me again, either of you."
She walked off and Ruby looked like she was about to say something to her retreating form. Before she could, however, the illustrious headmaster's voice rang out into the auditorium. I didn't even pay attention to what the guy was saying. Honestly, I was more focused on the look in Yang's eye in my peripherals. Maybe I should actually apologize to her, even though it's entirely her fault for thinking she's worthy of conversation. I mean, it seems she's keeping an eye on me though since I'm near ankle biter. Of all the things I remember about Yang it is that she's as protective of her as any sibling should be.
My attention snapped back to the stage when Goodwitch started giving instructions. Good thing I did because she was the one actually giving useful information It seems. Initiation tomorrow, and I'm sleeping in the ballroom apparently. As soon as she finished, I turned to Ruby.
"I'm as directionally challenged as you are vertically challenged. Wanna help another strugglin brotha out?" I asked.
"Umm heh y-yeah sure. I'm Ruby Rose" She held out her hand. She seemed a little nervous too. Don't know why. I look friendly! if a little crazy eyed. It seems she sensed my desperate thoughts because she retracted her hand a second later. Damn it, now I can't use her as a guide.
"Wait, did you just take a crack at my height?" she said.
"Only to ease the tension that you so obvi-that it seems you have." I responded.
"Right, Mr. Shakier than a leaf. She's the one who's tense." Yang butted in sarcastically.
"Lookie here, I said 'fuck you' as a joke." I said to Yang, absolving all past offenses.
"It was so funny I forgot to laugh." She rolled her eyes.
"It just takes three to five business days to reach you, don't worry." I said.
Doesn't know real comedy and still tries to be a critic. Unbelievable.
"You're a lot less funny and a lot more annoying than you think you are." Damn, that's actually a little cutting. And true.
"You think I'm annoying? Imaginebeingme." I responded.
"Ok! Ok!" Ruby interjected, trying to calm us both down as much as possible. But I wasn't that angry really, swearsies realsies.
"Let's all calm down, we can all still be friends…so-" Ruby motioned a hand towards me.
"What's your name again?" She asked.
"Jack."
"Right, Jack. Well, I mean I don't really know where the ballroom is either, but we got the whole day to wander around together if you want. Oh, hey! I could bring Jaune with us too and–ACK."
Yang interrupted by pulling her sister's hood and dragging her out of the auditorium or amphitheater or whatever the fuck.
"See ya Jack-ass, have fun walking around by yourself all day!" Yang said passive aggressively, waving behind her as she left.
I stood there watching as the ankle biter tried desperately to get her sister's hulk hands to let her go and protest getting man handled. I would have laughed if I wasn't suddenly overcome with the all too familiar feeling of solitude I've come to dread my whole life. This was a pattern for me really. The biggest reason for why I'm like this is mostly because of my lack of experience in the socializing department. Making friends is hard, and most of the time I don't see a reason to put in the effort. It's one of my flaws, seeing what's wrong with people more than what's right.
I waved my thoughts aside in favor of being more productive. Well not really, I wanna find the ballroom so I can set up early and take a freaking nap, if I can even manage to sleep that is. Of course, that plan was ruined thanks to tits mcgee so I'll have to find another person to shamelessly exploit for personal ease. I looked around the auditorium noticing students starting to file out.
So, time to pick someone I could easily use as a guide, preferably someone I at least know a little about. Let's go with…Pyrrha! Wait no! Jaune! nah, hmmm. Ren and Nora? I looked around for the unlikely pair. But I couldn't find them in the crowd. Shit, that means I gotta pick between the other two. But who!? befuddle me why don't ya. If I could stop thinking for five seconds, I would be unstoppable. And now they're both gone, I facepalmed as I scanned the room once more finding no one recognizable. Oh, sweet Neptune, fine! I'll just wander around by myself. I made my way to the exit.
I strode out of the auditorium, and once again no one I knew was in sight. The last thing I want is to be stuck with my neurotic thoughts while looking for the designated nap time room. If I had my skateboard this would go a lot faster. But no, instead I have wander around this oversized campus and be forced to think about dumb shit. And I really don't like it when I start thinking.
Recent events have brought about…more negative thoughts than I'm used to. But the worst of it will be behind me as soon as I find a way to pass initiation. I scowled in annoyance. I doubt it'll be a walk in the park with Grimm as common as homeless people in California. But hey, if I do pass then it's like I said. Room and board. Which sounds like a good first step to me when you find yourself in a new universe. Or I'm just dreaming this whole thing, but I'll choose to put that theory on the backburner for now.
Dying's also a possibility, as much as I like to deny it. However, I'm hoping to skirt around that issue with someone else protecting me. A very short-lived partner who will end up not having a good one for the rest of the year, because they got lucky enough to make eye contact with a crazy man who somehow made it into Beacon. Hell, even he doesn't know how! So far that angle of my plan has been failing since I didn't want to talk to Yang, and she wouldn't let me talk to Ruby. So, I guess I need to bring this up to someone else with the hopes of them targeting me as a partner. Or I could leave it to chance, but I would rest easier knowing at least someone has my back.
Let's see, it might be a bit before nightfall. Guess I'm in no rush to find the room with a sparkly ball in it.
I kicked a few pebbles and sighed. I adjusted my backpack straps. Oh right, I forgot I had a backpack. I should check if I have all my stuff. Take inventory people! Else you'll never know how low you are on crushed up gas station pills to snort off your dash. I began to dig through it again and found a hygiene bag, almonds, a couple sets of clothes, seemingly one of which is what I would designate as sleep wear, with my personal favorite neon green shirt that said 'Please Help Me' on it. I packed this. Don't remember where I was planning on going but I sure as shit knew I wanted to leave town. The idea of staying made me feel worse after…
I shrugged and took the almonds. I found a bench and sat. placing my pack by my feet and munching on the almonds. After a while of thoughtlessly chomping on nuts with the hope that I'd get cyanide poisoning, I spotted someone sitting in the shade of a tree just off the campus path. I squinted. Let's see here, book in hand, bow, yellow glowy eyes. I mean wow, I can tell she's Faunus pretty much instantly. How is it no one figured it out?
I cupped my chin in the classic thinker's pose. I mean I knew beforehand, wait what's it called? Knew-it-all-along effect? Hindsight bias or…something? But even so it's still so obvi-oh right. Things are only ever obvious to you.
Maybe she'll have good directions? She seems like the type of person to be all serious and map out the place she's going to school before actually going there. You know because she's a former member of an increasingly militant terrorist group. And they likely would have hammered tactics like that into her brain. Out of everyone Blake is the most memorable, despite being the least talkative. And that's because she causes the biggest problems really.
Despite the schizoid side of me telling me that she's not worth my time and that I should get back to looking for the ballroom without bothering people. I walked up to her. She didn't seem to notice me, but my encounter with icicles proved that appearances can be deceiving. Maybe even more so for her since she has super senses or some other unfair shit. Best play this high-spirited and direct then if I don't want to be accused of being some lecherous prowler.
"Hello chum!" she jumped. Huh, maybe she didn't notice me. It's those darn books, they rot brains I tell ya. Planting ideas like free will into your heads. Embrace determinism like a based sigma chad! Wait Jack, pay attention! I should really only go into flippant and self-entertaining tangents in my head when there is no one around.
"Chum?" she leaned back as if unsure she was safe to be near me and raised an eyebrow, presumably at the expression on my face. I schooled my features.
"Yeup, chum. Like a pal, because only pals help each other, and I need a real one to give some directions." I replied.
"...and where do you need to go?" Her eyes went back to her book.
"Ballroom." I answered her.
She glanced at me for a moment. I got the impression that she thought I was an idiot or something but if that's the case it's a perception we both share.
"It's on the far east side of campus, there's a path that leads to it from the lecture dome." Once again, she turned her attention back to the book in her hand.
Here's a golden opportunity to try and ensure I get some protection during initiation. Talk to Blakey, get her to like me, and then from there badabing badaboom. Got me a hot cat girl bodyguard. Shouldn't be too hard, I got that serial killer charisma, I think?
"Cool cool…soooo whatcha reading?" this time when she turned, she narrowed her eyes at me.
"Oh, don't give me that look. I'm just trying to be friendly." I said.
"You're acting a little too friendly." Blake replied.
"Hey, you're a cruise ship, I'm just a barnacle." I countered.
I squinted in thought for a moment.
"Wait, hang on, that was a lame metaphor." I continued.
"What do you want?" she said in her 'oh look at me I'm so mysterious and reticent' voice.
I leaned into the tree and crossed my arms, turning on the charm so to speak.
"I just need a hot brunette to be my own personal tour guide. Also, if you secretly get the hots for me during said tour, you should tell me. Not because I'll reciprocate but because it's good for my ego." Cringe. Did I really just say that?
And now twice today I've seen an outrageously beautiful chick make a face of revulsion at me. She stood and promptly tried to move away from me as any sane person would.
"Hang on! Forget that! I was just being an ass, I can't help it sometimes-" Upon realizing my blunder I had tried reaching my hand to stop her and promptly received an elbow in the gut. I groaned in pain and belly flopped to the grass. Yeah, people with aura definitely hit harder. Although with the classic eyebrow raise, she sent in my direction upon seeing me buckle makes me think that with aura, this whole thing probably could have just been a warning to back off. Yeah, I got the warning all right. I'm definitely going to see blood in my pee.
I looked up from my place of shame on the ground to see her walk off. Another win for Jack. Something tells me I should have laid off the degeneracy, mainly the pain in my tummy. I turned myself over and pointed my brown eyes to the sky. So, the plan failed. That means the possibility of death has risen a startling percentage, probably. I mean If it's my time, so be it. I'm still half convinced I'm dreaming anyway. And that I'm already dead. Eh, I'll probably be fine. Even if I am a little scared.
Jesus, the big black monsters in the forest are attracted to negative emotions, right? I'm like a fucking beacon to them then, aren't I?
How very twee. There are more efficient ways to kill myself.
After an indiscriminate amount of time, I hauled myself to my feet and lifted my white t-shirt to see the large bruise on my abdomen. Gee, thanks doom and gloom. Now I've got to tell anyone that asks you're some kind of closeted sadist. Alright for god's sake focus! What the hell am I going to do when initiation comes round the bend. C'mon there's got to be something. I banged the top of my fist on my forehead a couple times. No ideas came.
well…shit.
I started walking east after getting my backpack, the sun was almost close to setting by this point so the direction was easy enough to discern. Although in general I'm not an expert in finding cardinal directions unless I have a compass. My thoughts drifted back to what I could do against the Grimm. Ultimately my mind just remained blank. I was so tired after today, the strain of being pulled from my universe and harassing random protagonists takes it out of me.
Well, leave tomorrow's problems for tomorrow's me I guess. I continued walking until I went past the lecture dome as doom and gloom instructed. Then took the first path I saw leading east. To my surprise the ballroom was in sight. The first good thing to actually happen today. I walked in, refusing to look at anyone. I walked to the far side of the room. Finding a cozy spot and sitting with my back to the wall and facing the rest of the room.
It was then I deemed the room's inhabitants to be worthy enough for my gaze to fall upon them. By this point the sun had set and the moon had shone in through the window to light the spacious chamber of teens. Along with candles lining the walls and the giant glistening ball in the middle being hung from the ceiling. Like an outlaw being executed in front of a congregation of old west townsfolk. Who I guess got hype for that kind of shit apparently.
Seems everyone's here too. I spot the middle schooler, Yang banger, icicles, and doomy gloomy. With her glowing yellow eyes penetrating my soul. She's on the other side of the room though. I already claimed this side for the glory of the Jack republic. She continued to glare at me, I lifted my shirt and pointed to the bruise then flipped her off. She rolled her eyes and continued reading the book she had earlier as if shrugging off assaulting a dude was just Tuesday, typical terrorist. I sighed and sank back to the floor putting my back against the wall.
Lately I've had trouble sleeping, like at all. And it's been getting worse. I've only been getting a few hours a night so I doubt this time will be any different. Not that I'm expecting to get any sleep at all really.
Some noise directed my eyes to the familiar scene of Ruby trying to make friends with Blake. The more things change the more they stay the same. I ignored the noise they were making and the noticeable annoyance rising in the people within earshot. And eventually as I thought, the shrill screaming of icicles resembling that of an Australopithecus being flooded with the visions of mankind's future. As said ancient subhuman makes fire by smashing two rocks together. All directed at them. I'm beginning to feel bad for them, what is wrong with me? Feelings are for women and children!
I propped up my backpack, using it as a pillow and put my hands behind my head as I laid back. Hoping tomorrow that for once, I get a break from being the universe's punching bag.
And that's the end of chapter 1.
Leave a review if you feel so inclined. Feedback helps me make my writing better. Regarding updates, I won't be consistent in terms of a schedule when it comes to uploading new chapters or stories or whatnot. And that's simply because I either got things going on with life that takes precedence, I'm procrastinating, or I simply find something else far more interesting than writing at that current time.
Next chapter for this will be comin atcha sometime within the next 100 years though, guaranteed!