AN: I am so sorry for my delay. I have no excuses… just life being life. I hope you enjoy our next chapter. This is a big one and I cannot wait to hear your feedback so please leave me a review!
This will start with Meredith's POV.
The Shepherd's visit Part 1
I had been ignoring the vibration in my pocket for the past hour and half. I knew it was Derek sending me updates about the whereabouts of him and his parents. I knew their flight arrival time, 1:14pm. It was 2:30pm now and Mia was eating apples and peanut butter while Susan hummed in the kitchen and Lexi read a book. I sat next to my daughter, entertaining her, distracting me. Susan had worked out the entire plan. The Shepherds would meet Mia here at her home under her watchful eye. We would all have dinner together and then Derek would drive them back to their hotel. I was grateful for Susan's insistence that we do this here in my comfort zone but the thought of my parents meeting the Shepherd's felt eerie to me. In all honesty, seeing them again was not something I was even remotely prepared for.
I explained to Mia that she was going to meet her daddy's parents, her other set of grandparents. She seemed indifferent, maybe even a little reserved about it. Derek showed her a picture and she nodded like she understood but I wasn't sure it really clicked for her. He was so excited. He had an insanely busy week of surgeries, so we barely saw each other but he did come over a few nights to read Mia a book before bed and kept telling me how excited and grateful he was that I was letting this happen. This was unavoidable is how I looked at it. It was going to have to happen at some point so it might as well be now.
Lexi checked her watch and gave me a reassuring smile.
"Don't be nervous Mer. It's going to be fine." Lexi chimed from the couch.
"I'm not nervous," I responded, crossing my arms.
Lexi laughed "Is that why you've been biting your lip for the past hour and half and refusing to check your phone every time it goes off?" she asked
"Why are you nervous mommy?" Mia asked
"I'm not baby" I told her, grabbing an apple dipped in peanut butter off her plate.
"When I'm nervous, you do this" Mia told me while pushing a piece of hair behind my ear "and then you tickle me" she continued while tickling me under my chin.
I giggled while Lexi laughed.
"Girls, shall we have apple crumble or blueberry pie?" Susan asked, coming in from the kitchen. She had her red apron on and her hair was pulled back.
"Please no more blueberries" Lexi requested grimacing. We did have an abnormal amount of blueberries.
Mia climbed over to me and sat in my lap "Grandpa likes blueberries" she reminded Lexi sweetly who just rolled her eyes playfully in return.
"He likes to brag when people compliment the dessert that he grew and picked the blueberries himself" I responded with a shrug.
"Great point, Meredith! Apple Crumble it is" Susan told us and Lexi and I laughed.
Susan resumed her work in the kitchen and I finally pulled out my phone. All texts from Derek.
"Hey - leaving now for the airport. I'll update you when I get there"
"Their plane just landed - I'll let you know once we're on the way."
"On the way! See you soon."
I sighed. If I could avoid this right now I would. I estimated Derek would be here soon with Michael and Carolyn in tow. At Least the Shepherd sisters weren't involved…yet. I briefly thought about my favorite Shepherd sister but that was not something I wanted to dwell on or I might actually lose it before they get here. There would be enough reminders of her shortly and as if the universe was working to prove the point, the doorbell rang and Lexi gave me an expectant look.
I was sure Susan was not going to let them in and my dad was busy in his study. I couldn't expect Lexi to do it so I told Mia that her grandparents were here and she gave me a shy smile but busied herself with her plate of apples and peanut butter. I took a deep breath before opening the door.
"Hi" I heard myself greet tightly. I didn't even sound like myself. I felt so foreign and so far away.
Carolyn immediately engulfed me in a hug "Meredith, sweetheart" she spoke to me softly and I could hear the tears in her voice. If anything, it made me more nervous. As she hugged me tightly, I saw Michael offer a small smile. He looked ashamed and I looked away. I barely held on to Carolyn as much as I wanted to hug her tightly, I just couldn't. Derek offered me a reassuring smile and I pulled back and straightened myself.
"Mia is right inside. She's shy today. Maybe nervous. I'm not sure so don't take it personally if she's a little standoffish at first." I told them.
"Oh of course. We know you have your life here." Carolyn immediately chimed.
"We're not expecting anything at all Meredith." Michael continued.
A tight awkwardness took over as I felt myself looking at the two people I once regarded as family. I could see that they had aged some, probably more from Amelia's death than the years. For years and years I associated them with warmth and comfort, now they just seemed like distant relatives. Almost strangers.
"Mer, should we go inside?" Derek asked after I lingered probably too long.
"Right, yes. Come in" I told them and turned to look back at my daughter watching us. Lexi smiled but walked out of the room to not interrupt. I wished she stayed.
I plastered on the fakest smile I could at my daughter to help her feel more comfortable. We always fed off each other and I didn't want to project my feelings onto her.
I took a seat next to her as Carolyn, Michael and Derek sat on the couches in my parents living room. Mia's eyes were huge and her apples and peanut butter quickly forgotten on the coffee table.
I picked her up and placed her on my lap turning my attention back to Derek's family.
"Mia, these are your daddy's parents. Your grandparents. Remember us talking about them coming from Boston to visit you."
Mia nodded.
"Hi Mia." Carolyn first greeted. Michael was silent. I watched him take in every feature on her face and his eyes clouded over with tears. He didn't seem embarrassed about it and didn't move to wipe away the tears that formed.
Mia buried her face in my shoulder and I smoothed her hair. She was shy sometimes but not usually to this level. I was worried that maybe this was too much too soon.
"Mia, do you want to come to me? I've missed you." Derek tried and she looked at him. Her big blue eyes looked scared but she nodded and I encouraged her to walk to him. She did and took a seat on his lap as he kissed her forehead a few times.
"Your grandparents are so excited to see you and get to know you." he told her softly as if they were in their own world.
"Hi" Mia said quietly at last, still keeping her body wrapped around her dad.
"Hi sweetie" Michael finally said.
"I saw your picture," Mia told them.
"You did? We saw your picture too" Carolyn told her. "One of you, your daddy and your mommy at your ballet recital."
I blushed thinking of Derek sharing that picture with them. He looked over at me and we made eye contact for a second before we both turned our attention back to our daughter.
"I'm a ballerina. I can do lots of twirls and jete's."
"Oh, I bet you are the best in your class. We would love to see you perform sometime." Carolyn told her.
Mia smiled big at this which in turn seemed to help everyone relax.
"I wore pink cause it's my favorite color." Mia continued.
"It's a wonderful color sweetie." Carolyn told her. Carolyn was such a natural grandmother she seemed to have this ease about her. It was the same ease I always felt Susan had when it came to anything related to my daughter.
Right on cue Susan came into the living room to introduce herself. She was perfectly polite and seemed friendly, shaking their hands and being courteous but I knew Susan well. This was not the warmth she usually projected when meeting new people and I was hopeful that she would stay on best behavior despite her feelings towards the Shepherds.
My dad came out too to say hello and I could tell the Shepherds were interested to put a face with a name. They knew the saga of my out of the picture father from when I was just a kid. Michael seemed the most guarded speaking to him. He was always like a father to me until he wasn't.
"We're happy to have you for dinner." Thatcher told them with a tight awkward smile. I was sure he was thinking of how much he was probably being judged. He knew how much the Shepherd's took care of me and knew they knew all about my parents.
"Thatcher, you should show my parents the blueberry bushes. I'm sure they'd love to see it." Derek suggested with Mia still tightly in his arms.
"Oh, sure. It's just out back."
My dad doing the blueberry bush tour was ingrained in my mind from the millions of times I had to hear it but I was grateful at Derek's suggestion and we hung towards the back as Carolyn and Michael pretended to be interested as my dad rambled on.
"You okay?" Derek asked me in a whisper.
"I'm fine." I told him watching as Mia wiggled to get down. She ran to my dad and held his hand as she chimed in stories about the blueberries. Michael and Carolyn seemed to relax more getting to talk to Mia.
"I'm sorry if this is weird. Ma cried almost the entire ride here. They're both nervous." Derek told me.
I nodded "It's a big deal meeting your grandchild" I told him.
"I think they were nervous about you Mer" he told me softly. We tried to keep our voices down.
"Me? Why would they be nervous about me?" I asked dumbfounded.
Derek cocked his head to the side and his eyes told me what his mouth didn't. Our history. The way things left off. The fact that I named my child after their dead kid. Everything.
"They don't have anything to be nervous about. I mean it's a little awkward but they're here." I told him without admitting that I wanted to scream how I was the nervous one. I was the one abandoned after Amy's death. I was the one who hid their grandchild from them.
Derek didn't respond and we both listened as Mia chatted them up a storm about everything. The chattiness she inherited from her father always reared its head and I was grateful to not have to make small talk. Before we knew it, Mia had Carolyn pushing her on a swing and had Michael singing songs with her. My child didn't know a stranger.
My dad said he was going to help Susan which allowed Derek and I to be alone again with Mia and his parents.
Carolyn and Derek chatted with Mia in her sandbox which invited Michael to come stand next me.
"Hi Meredith" he breathed. He kept his eyes focussed on my daughter but wrapped his arm around me to give me a brief hug.
"Hi Michael"
"She's beautiful," he told me sincerely. "Beautiful face, beautiful soul. She talks just as much as Derek did when he was that age." Michael said with a smile.
"She is definitely chatty" I told him with a small laugh.
Michael let out a deep breath "I want to thank you for telling my son about her and for letting this moment happen."
"It seemed like the right thing to do." I told him watching Mia laugh and laugh.
"Doesn't make it easy." he concluded watching Mia as well.
"No, it doesn't" I agreed, wrapping my arms around my waist.
Michael nodded and swallowed thickly. "It's been hell, the past five or so years. Just utter damn hell."
I said nothing. It has been hell for me too.
"I miss her so much it burns me and now here I am standing next to you witnessing a piece of her for the first time in five years. I can't thank you enough for naming her- for giving us a piece of Amelia back."
"I didn't do it for you or Carolyn or even Derek." I heard myself say.
"I did it for Amy because she should be here and because I missed my best friend." I told him honestly. I felt the tears come to my eyes and I worked to blink them back.
"I know." Michael told me and a silence engulfed us. We watched Mia and Carolyn and Derek play.
"We all owe you an apology. I hope my son has given you one."
"He has" I confirmed.
"Well I'm glad about that even though I know it's not enough. What happened when Amelia died-"
"Please Michael don't. Just not yet. I'm not ready." I cut him off. This was all getting overwhelming and I wanted to breathe. I needed to breathe and Susan with her mom magic probably knew that because Lexi came to rescue me just in time.
"Hi" she said with a bright smile.
"Hi there. Michael Shepherd." Michael introduced himself by shaking her hand.
"I'm Meredith's sister Lexi"
I went with Lexi to introduce herself to Carolyn and Mia excitedly told her about her new grandparents. She seemed to be warming up to them already.
Derek beamed full of pride. Being a dad fit him so well it was almost nauseating but I was happy that my daughter would get to grow up with a dad who loved her so much.
Derek's POV
Things seemed to be going better than expected as Susan suggested we eat outside. It was a nice night in Seattle and I was happy seeing how at ease my daughter had become.
Meredith and I helped Susan bring out the plates and set up the dinner on their outdoor table.
"Thank you, Derek," Susan told me when I finished putting out the main course of the night.
It was the first time she had ever offered me any level of thanks and I wasn't expecting it.
"You're welcome" I told her sincerely and she went back to making sure everyone had what they needed.
Mia ended up wanting to sit with Meredith and I watched with a grin on my face as Meredith spoke to her softly. She was such a good mother and I hoped she knew that.
My mother's eye caught mine and it held an emotion I wasn't quite sure of.
"Okay, looks like everyone has what they need. Let's eat, shall we?" Susan asked and everyone agreed. Dinner was passed around like we had done this hundreds of times and not like this was an awkward first meeting.
Susan made small talk with my parents and my parents seemed grateful for the new connection.
Meredith even seemed to relax by the time we were enjoying dinner and I was relieved that she was handling this so well. I knew it must be uncomfortable for her and I didn't want to add more to her plate than she already had.
Mark came by for dessert and my daughter took a liking to him right away as did Lexi. The two of them hung out outside well into it getting dark.
"Derek, we should get her to bed." Meredith told me softly when I saw that it was nearing 8pm. Mark and Lexi were still chatting on the back patio.
"We should. I'm going to help Meredith get Mia to sleep and then we'll go." I told my family. They were quick to agree and hug Mia promising to see her more over their visit. Mia was annoyed she had to go to bed while everyone else got to stay up but I could tell her eyes were getting heavy. I felt Ma's eyes on me the entire walk up Meredith's parents stairs with my ex and Mia in tow. I wondered what she had been thinking but it would have to wait.
Meredith dressed Mia in her pink unicorn pajamas and I helped her brush her teeth. I asked her if she enjoyed meeting her grandparents and she nodded happily though I could see the exhaustion all over her features.
Meredith and I read Mia a story and she was out halfway through it. I took in the sight of my beautiful sleeping daughter and felt nothing but pure gratitude. For Mia and for Meredith.
Before Meredith left Mia's bedroom I stopped her.
Without thinking, I wrapped my arms around her in an embrace. It took her a second but she hugged me back.
"Thanks for all that you do and all that you are." I told her softly in her ear. I could still smell the Lavender that knocked me off my feet for years and I closed my eyes of the familiarness of it all. I wanted to cry. At the emotion of the day and at the normalcy. It was almost perfect. It would always be almost perfect though as it was missing one piece and it would forever.
"Thanks for that. I needed it." Meredith admitted.
I smiled at her. "I owe you one for today."
"You don't." she told me and I followed her down the stairs back to my parents.
We all said thank you and goodbye to the Grey's and Meredith followed us out.
"Meredith, she is lovely truly." my mother told her.
Meredith smiled sure of herself "She is."
"I'm not sure what Derek and you have discussed but we will be in town all week. We can go see the space needle and other things so don't feel like you have to stop your routine or entertain us. That'll be our son's job." my dad told Meredith.
"Mia has pre-school every day until 3pm. My dad usually picks her up. She has ballet on Thursdays but she can skip this week although she might get upset. I can bring her to the hospital maybe if that's easier some days" Meredith rambled trying to figure out logistics.
"We'll figure it all out. I took some time off so we can get a plan together later." I interrupted Mer with a grin.
Meredith nodded. "Okay, well thanks… for the visit and for seeing Mia." Meredith concluded awkwardly.
"Thank you, Meredith. We're so happy. So so happy to have been able to do this." My mom told Meredith and her eyes filled with tears for probably the 200th time that day.
She pulled Meredith in for a hug and this time Meredith seemed more open to it.
"Do you think we could talk at some point? Maybe just the two of us?" Ma asked her.
"Sure." Meredith agreed.
We all said our goodbyes and I hovered outside the door of my car as Meredith watched us. She looked so beautiful with the night sky painted behind her. Beautiful and full of life and so achingly pure.
"I'll call you tomorrow" I told her and she nodded at me with a smile. I hovered for a moment longer wanting to say more and wanting to just stare at her but I knew my parents were watching and wondering. I left her with a final smile and got back into the car eager to hear how my parents feel about everything.
"Your daughter is perfect Derek" Ma told me first.
"She is" I told Ma with a grin as I took off to get back on the main roads.
"She's beautiful. She looks like you, and Meredith and your sister." Dad chimed in.
"I said that too."
"You are so natural with her. It's like you've been doing this your whole life." Ma continued.
"We took to each other well. I was nervous at first that she wouldn't like me or that it would be too late but it seems to be working out."
"What's going on between you and Meredith" mom asked and I dreaded this question. I tightened my grip on the wheel.
"Nothing" I told her shortly.
"Derek Shepherd, you cannot fool your mother. I saw the way you looked at her. It was like nothing had changed. Well, maybe slightly more reserved but still. You two were utterly comfortable with each other like no time has passed."
"We're just co-parenting and trying to make it easy for Mia. That's all."
"I think there's more. Do you want there to be more?" Ma asked and I felt sick to my stomach.
Of Course I wanted more I wanted to scream but I shrugged. "Ma, I don't think we can ever be more than co-parents, maybe friends, maybe. There's just so much that happened between us."
"So?" Dad chimed.
"So, I don't deserve nor expect it to ever be what it was."
"But do you want it to be?" Ma pressed.
I sighed "I don't know" I answered her.
"That's not no" my dad said as if that wasn't obvious.
"It's not." Ma agreed.
And the two of them talked amongst themselves for the rest of the drive while I was lost in thought thinking about scenarios I shouldn't have been thinking about like kissing Meredith again, holding her, touching her, building a life with her. All things that felt intangible and nowhere near reach. Something that I would have to save for my dreams for a very long time if not for forever.
AN: Your reviews keep me going to please keep them coming! Let me know what you thought of the Shepherd's visiting part 1. It seemed like too big of a thing for there to be only one chapter dedicated to it. Let me know if you're enjoying this story and want me to keep going. Thank you for reading :)