--~*~--

July 1994, Capital Hill, DC

"Senator Ms Cregg is here to see you."

"Yeah, I'm done you can go ahead and send her in now Janine", John moved to the other side of the desk to wait for her. They where going to Chesapeake Bay with the boys for his birthday and everyone was excited.

"Claudia", he reached his hands out to her which she happily accepted only to be greeted with a kiss.

"Are you ready?"

"Yes. Are you all packed?"

"Yep they're in my backseat. Noel called me to remind me of the time like three times."

"He's really excited. This is the first time we have gone on vacation to anywhere besides the ranch in too long."

"John?", she asked fixing his collar batting her eyes which made him smile.

"Hmm?"

"We have enough time to stop by my house quickly."

"Yeah?", he asked with a huge grin as she nodded her response.

"My temperature is up", she added shyly.

John pulled her closer by the waist into a deep kiss. "Well let's go", he smiled grabbing his briefcase and her hand as they quickly exited the office.

Over the last nine months CJ came completely out of her shell with John. Gone are the days of indecisiveness and uncertainty. Although no permanent arrangements between the two were stated everyone in the beltway knew of the new power couple.

Their pictures appeared in several papers and they attended a few functions together for the DNC. Although she still had her apartment most evenings she stayed at the Hoynes residence.

Danny and Katie had a little girl with brilliant red locks and the Irish name proving her heritage if you had any doubts, Arlyn Siobhan Concannon was born that Spring and surprisingly they asked CJ to be her Godmother. Proving Donna right CJ actually began to like Katie.

All the couples gathered few weeks after the birth for a Sip and See baby shower. Katies family didn't believe in having them before citing it as bad luck.

Bonnie and Ginger, Josh and Donna and for the first time CJ brought John along to Danny and Katies new apartment in Silver Spring. After they left John noticed that CJ was saddened. He waited until they were in the car to address it.

"What's going on darling? I didn't do too bad did I?"

"No the contrary you were great. Everyone loved you. Even Danny pulled me to the side and told me not 'eff' it up."

"So tell me what's got you in such a melancholy mood."

"John, you know that every time we've been together we've never used protection."

"I thought about that a while ago but you never said anything and I really did want to be with just you anyway. Where are you going with this?"

"John I'm not on the pill. All this time and nothing, every month like clock work Aunt Flo is here. Seeing everyone-, Bonnie and Ginger with Cameron and Brianna, Eva is almost two and Josh and Donna starting on another one and now Arlyn. I love the boys but-"

"You want one."

"Yes, but what if I can't."

"Well I think I told you before that it didn't matter. We can adopt our little girl."

"I want to have a baby John."

"Then we will get the best doctors money can buy to help us. Give it time Claudia."

"I know. Maybe its just baby fever."

"It is but that doesn't mean its not something you want. Why don't we start now?"

"Can we? I mean we aren't married,"

"Is that a hint?", John smiled at her knowing very well that he had a three carat diamond ring in his bag at home. "CJ honey, I don't care. I love you and if it happens I'll marry you in a heartbeat. Why don't we start by finding a doctor. I'll go with you. Just to make sure everything is okay. Hell I'll get checked out too."

"Everyone knows you are fine", she said bumping his arm lightly with her elbow.

"Well I'm older things slow down."

"If this is you slow then did I really want to see you when you are younger?"

"i.e. the four children."

That next week John and CJ went to their General Physicians where they were both granted a clean bill of health. The week after CJ went to her OB-GYN. Several tests were done and five days later they received a call advising that there was no reason that he could see that would prevent her from getting pregnant but due to her history once she was he would have to monitor her carefully. He indicated timing. So CJ headed to the drug store and bought every ovulation test they had. She was a woman on a mission.

That was three months ago. And still nothing.

--~*~--

Seven Weeks Later, Hoynes Family Ranch, TX

"Mama", Noel knocked in the door to the restroom. "Daddy said he's going into town, do you need anything?"

"Noel! Tell your father to come here", she shouted her voice shaken.

"Are you okay Mama?"

"Yes, baby just go and get your Daddy. Quickly."

A few minutes later, John walked into their room.

"Claudia", he tried the door but it was locked, "what's going on?"

When she unlocked it John was horrified at the sight of all the blood scattered on the toilet seat, on the floor and in the bath tub. He could see her swipe marked hand prints in the tiled floor from where she tried to clean it up.

"Dear God baby! What happened?!"

"I need to go to the hospital", she said weakly with tears streaming down her face.

Once there CJ was immediately taken back and once again was told that there was nothing they could do. CJ was given a sedative then a D and C was done, she was later moved to a room. A doctor informed John of what happened.

"Mr Hoynes?"

"Yes that's me. He ran over to him, How is she?"

"I'm sorry Sir your wife was only eight weeks pregnant. There was nothing we could do. She's resting now."

"Eight weeks?"

"Yes Sir. She's been sedated and won't wake for a few hours, why don't you go home and come back in the morning."

"I'd like to see her now, if it's okay?"

"Sure, I'll walk back with you."

John stayed with her protectively watching over his fiance for about an hour then he went home to check on the boys who witnessed CJ, the women who they have came to love as a mother figure be carried out by their father covered in blood.

When he pulled up Noel and Aiden ran out hugging their father. Ryan and Cody stood at the entrance. All wanting and update in CJ.

"Come on boys, let's go inside." Once sitting John decided not to tell them the true reason for CJs hospitalization. Instead he told them that CJ fell in the bathroom and cut herself.

They all wanted to go see her but John declined. He headed upstairs only to find that Isa had cleaned up the bathroom. It was spotless.

John sat on the side if the tub staring at the floor that only a few hours before had been covered in the remains of his child, their child.

John couldn't rest so he went back to the hospital. His mother was away on a senior church cruise so he asked his sister in law, Vivienne who lived on the Westside of the property to check in on the kids.

CJ was still sleep when he arrived. John sat perched watching her. Minutes later she woke smiling at him, then cried immediately remembering what happened. Up until this point John hadn't cried but seeing CJ- the dam broke as he moved to embrace her.

He laid on the bed next to her as she fell back to sleep in his arms. No words were needed right now. There will be plenty of time later.

Two days later, when she entered the house CJ was greeted by all of her boys ecstatic to see her.

"Easy guys, she needs to rest."

"I'm okay John", she put on a faux smile for the boys.

Cody and Ryan helped her over to the couch in the family room.

"Do you want something to drink Mama?", Aiden offered.

"Water sweetheart."

As Aiden ran off, John spotted Isa. He personally thanked her then added that, even though he wasn't concerned about her selling any Hoynes family secrets, there will be something extra on her check. As a thanks.

Four days later CJ was packing to return to DC.

"Are you sure you can't stay longer?"

"No, everyone can't go on lavish extended vacations like Congress", she said with a smile.

"I want you too move in with us when we come back in a few weeks."

"I'm already with you guys almost every night."

"So make it permanent. It will be after our wedding in December."

"Let me think about it-"

"Eight weeks Claudia, Baby why didn't you tell me?"

CJ knew this conversation was going to happen sooner or later. She selfishly hoped for later.

"I wanted to wait."

"How long? We make love practically every night did you think I wouldn't notice a bump?", he moved closer to her. "No more secrets Claudia Jean. We are in this together. I want to know. Do you understand?"

"Yes, I'm sorry", she started to cry again, "I'm so sorry John. You don't understand how badly I wanted this-"

John held her, rubbing her back to soothe her, "I know sweetheart I know. This wasn't the right time. We'll try again. Stay tonight. I want to hold you."

"John-"

"Catch an AM flight. Please."

CJ nodded into his chest.

--~*~--