--~*~--
A month later
Donna walked into the living room wiping her mouth to find CJ packing up her photos.
"I remember that, we met that night", Donna said taking the photo from her. "God what was that eight years now?"
"Yes, look how far we have came. You and Josh expecting your second child, me divorced trying once again on marriage number two."
"I think John is the one. I knew the first time I saw you together. I'm so happy for you."
"Thanks."
"What's wrong? Are you not ready?"
"No that's not it. I literally only come back here to grab my mail and more of my things to take over to Johns anyway."
"What are you going to do with your stuff?"
"It's going to Texas. The movers will be here next weekend. How are you feeling?"
"Okay, I'm so over this morning sickness. Sorry I can't be more use to you."
"Please, I never get to spend time with you anymore outside of work."
"Soon I think we should come up with other ways to get together." CJ looked at her waiting for her to continue. "I talked to Josh, when I go on maternity leave I won't be coming back."
"What's happened? Is he pressuring you?"
"No, this is me."
"What's changed?", they sat down on the couch next to each other. "You were so adamant about continuing your career after Eva was born."
"I'm missing so much CJ. I don't want to anymore. I want to be there for all of the firsts. Wouldn't you?"
"I never thought about it. John hasn't even touched me once since the miscarriage."
"Give him time. I'm sure he was shocked."
"He was in the military."
"He was a lawyer in the military. Not on the frontlines. And not seeing the woman he loves on the floor in the bathroom covered in the blood of their would be child. Look why don't you and he go away for a weekend to reconnect. You both need to regroup and try again."
"We'll see. God I'm going to miss you", she hugged her.
"We still got a good six seven months. Come on. I'll help you pack the kitchen."
"Forget it, let's go get some food. John and the boys are coming they can do that."
"I could go for some Pho."
"Let's do it."
--~*~--
Later that night
The boys were in bed. Aiden and Noel were sleep. Cody and Ryan were on the way. It was just after ten when John came to bed. CJ had just gotten out of the shower.
"Hey, you got everything finished?"
"No you never finish you just stop. I'm going to hop in the shower."
"John,"
"Yeah."
"We haven't done anything since it happened and-...I know I'm scheduled for an IUI soon but...I really want to make love tonight. I want to be with you."
"CJ I don't know", avoiding her gaze he continued, "I bought some condoms last week."
"Why? We have never used them before", confused she sat on the bed then it dawned on her, "you don't want to try again do you?"
"CJ it's late can we talk about it later? I really just want to grab a shower. I'm beat", he stated hoping to avoid this conversation this evening. he really was exhausted.
"No! Answer my question first. I mean you bought the damn condoms John! What where you thinking when you picked up that package!?"
John didn't say anything. His heart broke seeing her like that. He never wanted her to to through that again. CJ took his silence as an admission in no longer wanting to impregnate her. She stood dropped her towel and threw on a tee and yoga pants.
"Where are you going?"
"Home. I'll come back while the kids are at school to get my things."
"CeeJay", he let out an exasperated sigh.
"Fuck you John!", she shouted and left out if their bedroom.
John heard the front door slam as he sat on the bed with his face in his hands. This is not how he wanted everything to go.
--~*~--
Around eleven the next day CJ came by with a couple of bags to pack her things. John waited for her. She was in the bedroom closet gathering her suits when he walked in.
"What are you doing here?", she softly asked. Last night had been horrible for her. She had become accustomed to sleeping with John and missed him terribly. "I don't want to fight. I'll leave the ring on the dresser", she said clearly exhausted. She was tired, cranky, and all cried out.
"I don't want this, I don't want you to go."
"Well, we all want different things John. I want to not lose my babies but it keeps happening."
"Claudia come sit with me for a minute."
"We have nothing to say. You said it all last night", she snapped.
"Would you stop being so damn stubborn! Five minutes and if you still want to pack I'll help."
She put the suit down on the bed then sat on the couch next to him in the bedroom.
"You have the floor Senator." John chose to ignore her.
"First I'm sorry about last night. I was tired and you caught me off guard. I'm sorry."
"The reason I got the condoms is that I never want to see you go through that again. I'd rather give up my wish for that little girl than to see you- I have nightmares Claudia, that I will find you dead lying in the blood of our children or that I go to the restroom at night and step into something wet and when I turn on the light the floor is covered in blood. How much more can you put yourself through that, put us through, and it not cause damage to your body? I will never do that to you. I'd rather you walk away from me than jeopardize your mental and/or physical well-being."
"That's something you should have discussed with me. What did you tell me in Texas? 'We are in this together. I want to know.'"
"I know I'm sorry. I broke my own rule. Don't leave. I didn't get any sleep last night. I missed you", he explained giving her a small smile but CJ wasn't swayed.
"I want to try again. I need to know that I tried!"
"How long?"
"One, two, three more times, and if it's not successful then I'll look at adoption options. But I need to keep trying."
"And you won't try to leave me again because I want to stop."
"No I promise. I didn't sleep well either last night. I want to be with you."
John leaned in and captured her lips soundly kissing her. Which was the catalyst because it wasn't before long CJ had straddled him on that very couch riding back and forth on his lap. A month and a huge fight later they both needed to renew their love for one another. After CJ came John picked her up by the waist and carried her over to the bed. Laying her on her back he moved over her pounding into her. All the hurt, the loss, and the love he had for her was lavished in every stroke as he lifted her hips driving deeper into her.
They came together with such a force that left CJ trembling and she cried at the overwhelming raw emotion. John held her.
"I know baby. I know. Shhh, I love you so much", he kissed her forehead. "Let's go away this weekend. I know we technically just came back but we need this break honey."
CJ just nodded. Everything felt better in his arms.
--~*~--
November- One Month Until their Wedding
John and CJ invited their friends over to watch the Texans Game and barbecue. CJ and the other ladies were in the house prepping in the kitchen as the guys manned the grill.
"Aren't they freezing out there?", Donna inquired.
"They are insulated and drinking around a grill, they are fine. So CJ, you excited?", Katie asked.
"Is my comment going to be in a newspaper somewhere?"
"Ceejay", Donna chastised.
"Sorry Katie, I've just be tired and irritable lately."
"Lately", Ginger said.
"Oh!", CJ splashed some water in her direction. "But to answer your question yes we are very excited. John has given me full decorating rights at the house here and in Texas."
"Wow that's huge."
"I know but not that much needs to be changed. Suzanne and I have similar tastes. I really want to paint. We went to The Home Depot and picked out paint samples for the bed room."
"What are you going for?"
"Ooh let me show you. Be right back, I'm going to grab the samples!" CJ ran to Johns office and grabbed the folder then past the guys on her way back. Stopping she poked her head out. "I don't want my chicken burnt guys", she teased. "John, come here."
After handing the tongs to Bonnie the only other qualified person to bbq out there John stole away inside.
"What's up?"
"Nothing, I just wanted to do this", his fiance planted the hugest kiss on him.
"Well", he said smirking, "I take it that you are happy."
"Very. I'm also really tired but I want to fool around later so as much as I love them let's ditch them soon."
"So after the football game, I'll help put you to sleep", he whispered as he placed a kiss at her temple.
CJs face turned red. She couldn't wait for later.
The week after they fought, CJ and John went to the back OB specialist. It was suggested to put CJ on progesterone to help thicken her uterus wall, prevent contractions, and ultimately aid in preventing the rejection of the fetus.
After CJ still didn't conceive over the last couple of months they decided to halt the baby frenzy and just enjoy one another again. Whatever happens was going to happen. And it was working.
They started to focus more on planning their wedding and each other and the children were thriving. CJ and John had fallen more in love with each other since the move in, they were what Donna called blissfully annoying.
A monkey wrench was thrown into everything when Johns family unexpectedly came up for Thanksgiving this year since they didn't go down to the ranch. Everything was copacetic until on the last night of their visit, it was CJ who found herself stowed away in the formal sitting room alone with none other than John's mother.
"So Claudia a little over a month now huh?"
"Yes I'm excited."
"Good you should be. All of our extended family and friends, some of John's important Washington friends are going to be there. Your family as well."
"Yes", CJ nodded already knowing where this was going. "Can we cut to the chase Mrs Hoynes? What is it that you want to know?"
"Directly to the point, I admire that and it's Virginia", she picked up her cup of tea with the saucer, "I want to know if you are going to bail on Johnny again. I can see that you love him and I appreciate that. But what I don't appreciate is the two times that I know of, you leaving him and my grandsons high and dry."
"With all due respect Mrs Hoynes what happens in my relationship with your son is our business."
"CJ, call me Virginia please and it is my business when its my sons heart that you are playing with."
"No one is playing anything. You said yourself you can see I love him so to me that all that matters at the end of the day."
"CJ you don't have children", CJ scuffed lightly laughing at the absurdity of the conversation, "so you don't understand. Let me explain to you, John is a caring loving man and once he falls for you he will stop at nothing to make you happy. But your indecisiveness leaving him dangling while you figure out what you want will break his heart every time you leave. If you are not a hundred percent sure about this wedding and your future with Johnny and this family leave now while we can get our deposits back." She stood to leave teacup in hand.
"Virginia", CJ stopped her, "the first thing I am going to do after I marry John is sever the umbilical cord. John is 45 it's beyond time."
His mother nodded in her direction smiled and walked into the kitchen where David was suspiciously waiting. Just then John came down the steps and immediately picked up on the dynamic between the two.
"Mother? What did you do?"
"Everything is fine Johnny, I'm sure she's expecting you", he went straight to the sitting room.
David her eldest walked over to the island.
"You shouldn't have done that", he said to her discreetly. "Mom?"
"She's a pistol. I like her", she smiled and walked away.
"CJ", immediately he saw that she was upset, "what's wrong?"
"Nothing."
"What did she say?"
"Nothing I didn't see coming. Come on let's go rejoin everyone."
A little later as things winded down John realized he hadn't seen CJ in a while and went in search for her. Seeing the outdoor backlight on he peaked outside and found her tucked off on the side smoking. When the door opened she lowered her hand to hide the cigarette. John smiled because he could still see the smoke in the air that autumn eve.
"I thought we agreed that you will stop smoking since we are trying to conceive."
"We agreed to wait until New Year to try again."
"Claudia-"
"I'll put it out."
"Its a commitment you are making to your body, to our future child."
"I put it out John! Damnit! Save the lecture, I'm not one of the kids!", she said moving away from him.
"My apologies, I'm not trying to treat you like a child. You want tell me what's wrong?"
CJ exhaled sharply.
"I don't know. Maybe I'm just disappointed about the baby still and your family-"
"What about them?"
"I kinda just wanted a peaceful holiday with you and the boys."
"I didn't know they were coming."
"I know, I'm not blaming you", she snipped.
"It feels like it."
"Well I'm not!, she stepped away from him moving to lean on the deck railings, "Damnit John, do you tell her everything?"
"We are close CJ! I told you this. What did she say?"
"I will not have your mother meddling in our marriage. I can see why she and Suzanne bumped heads."
"She is my mother."
"And I am to be your wife! You need to talk to her and put her in her place."
"And where will that be?"
"Not in our marriage bed! What happens between us should stay that way."
"You talk to Donna about us."
"Donna is my best friend. Not my mother!"
"Because she died right after you were born and you don't know how it feels to have a relationship with your mother so don't shit on mine!", he blurted immediately feeling remorseful.
"You son of a bitch!"
"CJ-"
"No! I'm going to go out for a run."
"CJ", she could see the worried look in his eyes.
"Stop looking at me like that! I'm not leaving you dangling while I figure out what I want!", she mimicked the very words that have been running through her mind since Virginia said them to her earlier, "I just need a some fucking space."
David Virginia and Vivienne were seated in the family room around the fireplace talking when they observed CJ pass through then storm out the front door. When John came in his brother stood and announced their intent to head back to the hotel. His wife excused herself to fetch their children. John nodded and headed back in the kitchen to clean up. Virginia entered moments later.
"Why mother? Why did you say something to her? I told you when you wanted me to invite her over that she wasn't ready. You purposely showed up here when I told you we weren't coming. With David, Vivienne, and the kids no less You never do that mother. Not once ever."
"Johnny I was only looking out for you. Testing her resilience and judging by the way she left out of here I was right."
"No you were wrong. She only stepped out for some air. Despite her tough exterior she is quite delicate on the inside. We all are to an extent and what she just went through this summer, what we went through... it still hurts."
"I love you son and I think Claudia Jean is wonderful in her own right but maybe she isn't the right one. You need someone to support you in all of your endeavors and some who can give you that little girl you've always wanted. You know Autumn Beaumont", John sighed loudly jamming the dishes into the dishwasher. His mother cleared her throat and spoke slightly louder, "Autumn Beaumont, you remember her lovely girl, well has moved back home with her parents after her divorce. She has two beautiful little girls John. If I'm not mistaken you had taken quite a liking to her-"
"No! CJ is the one I love. She is the one I want to be with. I knew from the moment I saw her. And", he stressed, "If CJ can't have a child we will adopt but we are going to keep trying. I would like for you to stay in the suite with David and to return home with them tomorrow."
"John. I am staying until next week."
"No you aren't and I suggest you never do anything like this again."
"You would do this to your own mother?"
"Because you are my mother I am doing this, if you were anyone else I would throw you out on your tail right now and I wouldn't care were you winded up. Instead I'm asking you to pack and leave with David."
"Johnny", she stopped him from leaving still in shock by what transpired. John had never spoken to her like that, "I apologize."
"I appreciate that."
When everyone said good bye and left John was nowhere to be found.
CJ arrived back at the house around eleven. The house was quiet but she could see that fire was still lit in the family room. As she walked toward it she saw John seated on the chaise staring towards the entry way where she now stood.
"Hi", she spoke softly. "Everyone leave."
"Yeah."
"Is Virginia sleep?"
"I don't know. She left with David."
"I thought she was supposed to be here until next Thursday."
"She was, I asked her to return with David back to Texas tomorrow."
"You did that for me?"
"No. For us."
CJ stepped further in the room and sat across from him near the fireplace grateful for the warmth it was emitting.
"You were gone a while."
"I stopped at Brewster's", she said warming herself by the fire. "I won't say eating ice cream outside in 48 degree weather was the smartest idea but I will say I wasn't alone."
John smiled at this.
"Claudia, I'm sorry I shared personal information about our relationship to my mother. She automatically felt the need to protect me. I'm not excusing what I did but I had no malicious intent. Amongst so many other things my mother has been my confidant. More so since Suzanne died. And guiltily I allowed her to intervene on my behalf and handle certain things."
"Things that a spouse would have done."
"Exactly but that time has ended because of you. Starting December first Peter will send the report to you. I have several accounts and your name will be added to all that do not have to do with the company after our marriage. There are other things too but the hour has grown late and all I want to do is go to bed with my fiancee."
John held out his hand to her. When she accepted John pulled her close to him encasing her in his arms.
"Look at me Claudia, I want to apologize for what I said about your mother. It was inappropriate and rude. I'm sorry."
"Thank you for that. Let's go to bed Johnny."
"Don't you dare start calling me that", they both smiled. John kissed her on the neck.
"I think I will."
"CJ, are we okay?"
"Yes. Let's put this behind us. I love you that's why I'm here and I'm not going anywhere", she squeezed him.
"Good, cause I honestly don't know what I would do without you."
--~*~--
"Okay ladies come look", she announced walking back in the kitchen showing them the samples. "So I haven't decided yet. I have this sky blue with light gray and this green, its called spring walk with this light brown and cream. I love them both."
"This one", referencing the green and browns, "is definitely more earthy perfect for conceptions, Ginger said. The women giggled.
"But I like this one its more modern, Donna commented.
"Do both one here and one in Texas", Katie suggested, "it's not like John can't afford it."
"That's not the point!", CJ fumed but Donna cut her off.
"CJ can I see you the other room", she looked at Donna who mouthed 'now?'.
Once out of the kitchen Donna railed into her.
"What gives! One minute you are funny and loving and the next you are snappy and mean. You were two seconds from snapping off Katies head. I thought you said you liked her!"
"I do. Its these goddamn hormones."
"Maybe you need to have them lower the dosage. Because you have been all over the place. Even at work. Everyone was talking about how you snapped on that sweet intern Candace and Carol!"
"She screwed up the portfolio copies that I need for the adjunct presentation! And Carol should have caught it!"
Donna sighed, as she sat down next to her on the couch, "When do you go back to the doctor?"
"Not until after the wedding John and I decided to just take a step back. Until the new year."
"But you are still taking the medicine?"
"Yeah."
"See your doctor something isn't right. I'm saying this as a friend. I also think you should apologize to Katie."
"She's the one who said 'its not like John cannot afford it'", she mimicked Katie. "Like what the fuck is that supposed to mean. I feel like every time we talk she taking notes for an article."
"I think she meant it as you can do both, you don't have to sacrifice one for the other."
"Maybe."
"Come on, let's head back in."
"Actually, I think I'll lie down for a minute."
"CJ-"
"I'm fine Donna I just want to relax."
"Okay we will get you when everything is done."
"Thanks."
--~*~--
Outside
"John big day in a month. Excited?"
"Oh yeah."
"Good. You and CJ are great together." Josh said glancing at a hurt Danny. Even though he and Katie had a good life and for the most part were happy there was still a piece of him that still wishes they could have made it.
"What about you?, baby number two on the way."
"I know, I'm so happy Donna is out of the morning sickness phase. I think she lived in the bathroom for a good month."
"Well, take if from me the second one isn't as easy as the first. It took Ginger about six months to bounce back to the way she was. In fact I think we are done. One boy and one girl. When she gets old enough well get a dog."
"Umm CJ wants a cat."
"Still? She's been talking about getting that for years. The problem was we were never really home", John smiled wryly.
"That's why you get two so they won't be lonely."
"You guys going in a honeymoon?"
"Not really. I rented a Penthouse suite for two days but CJ used most of her vacation time this summer and the rest had to be split on the wedding and Christmas. So rumor has it that you are a Colts fan Bonnie", John purposely changed the subject after strangely finding himself growing increasingly uncomfortable with talking with Danny about he and CJ's relationship.
"How could I not be?", she joshed, "I mean what's the choice be a Texans fan."
"If you weren't my fiance's friend-", John jokingly threatened.
"What times does the game start?"
"An hour, Packers game is still on."
"Neither has anything on the Lions."
"How many rings do the Lions or the Texas have again?"
"The Colts only have one."
"One more than you two", Bonnie laughed.
"In that case I'm claiming the Cowboys."
"You can't jump ship!", Josh shouted.
"I'm claiming all of Texas. I am their Senator after all. Who do have over there Congressman? Oh wait that's right Connecticut doesn't have a team!"
"I get the Northeast including The Giants, the Eagles, the Patriots, and the Steelers."
"Aww!"
"Nope! Unfair!"
"Josh pass me another beer."
"Me too", Danny added.
"Bon you want one?"
"Nope still got half in here."
Josh pulled the beers from the cooler and passed them around.
"This is nice. Thanks for including me John", Danny shared sincerely.
"Yeah no problem man."
"We should do it more often."
"Well definitely Superbowl. You guys coming to Texas for the wedding right? You will get to see the ranch for the reception."
"Ginger and I will be there then we are flying straight to her parents in Jersey for Christmas."
"You know we are going to be there. Danny are you and Katie going to be able to make it?"
"I'm not sure. Hopefully."
"You two doing the church thing right?", Josh asked drawing the conversation away from Danny. He knew he was having a bad time dealing with CJs upcoming nuptials. Yes he was married to Katie now but he also knew the a part of Danny will always love CJ.
"Yep that's all Claudia. Chicken and ribs are done. We can catch the last of the Packers?"
"Sure why not."
"I'll take the food in the kitchen if you want", Danny offered.
"Thanks I could use all the help I can get."
"I'll grab the beers."
"Gee thanks there Josh!"
Bonnie hung up her coat and found her way to the couch with Ginger as the women had navigated to the living room. When John didn't see CJ he was concerned. She had been looking forward to this for weeks. Donna came in the kitchen to transfer the meat to a serving plate.
"Donna", he said in a whisper, "Where's CJ?"
"Lying down upstairs, she wasn't feeling well earlier."
"I'm gonna check on her."
On his way to the master bedroom he stopped in Ryan's room were all the boy's seemed to had congregated avoiding the adults, "Hey there's food down there go make plates and interact."
Entering his room the lights were out and CJ was sleep. He sat beside her and the slight movement jarred her awake from her light slumber.
"Hey you."
"Mmm hi", she said with a smile.
"I thought it was my job to put you asleep later."
"I threw up. My stomach and apparently my attitude are outta of whack."
"Do you feel better enough to come down?"
"Yeah I'm hungry. I'm calling the doctor tomorrow. My hormones are off the wall. Im nauseous, tired, horny, and hungry."
"Do you think you might be?-"
"No. I had my cycle two weeks ago and the test was negative."
"It was a little cycle. Three days right?"
"Yeah but the doctor said that could happen. Anyway lets eat and enjoy some football."
"Music to my ears", John helped her up and kissed her forehead.
They left out side by side to rejoin their friends.
--~*~--
CJ called her doctor and got the earliest appointment which was Tuesday afternoon so she took a late lunch that day.
"Ms Cregg, Good Afternoon I'm Dr Harland Smith, I'm seeing Dr Windsors patients while she out", he shook her hand then sat on the stool. "So I'm going to lower your dose of progesterone."
"Why?", CJ feared the worst. "Is it not working?"
"No it worked because you're pregnant."
"Impossible. I had a cycle two weeks ago..I did a test!"
"No you were probably spotting. It's not uncommon for some women to have a light cycle or spot during the first trimester but with your history I want to keep a close eye in you."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes. Ms Cregg-"
"CJ please. When is Dr Windsor coming back?"
"Two weeks but I want to see you every week until. She wants to keep a close eye on you. If you have any problems at all call the nurse line and they will put you right through, now I do need for you to do some blood work. Ms- CJ? What's wrong?"
"Nothing, I just want this very badly."
"Well its happening and you are going to be so tired of our faces because nothing is going to happen to this baby. What I need from you is to keep positive and never miss an appointment. Yes?"
"Yes."
"Good, now I'm going to need a lot of blood from you today so you might want to go home and lie down the rest of the day and take it easy..We want to make...", everything else he said faded out. She was pregnant.
--~*~--
Later that evening
John came home after work with Noel and Aiden. Cody was at lacrosse practice and Ryan had a football game. He hadn't heard from CJ all day and he knew she had doctors appointment. Pulling into the garage he saw her parked car.
"CJ? CJ!, Boys take the groceries in the kitchen then get started on your homework", John said before he bolted up the steps. "CJ?", saw her sleep on their bed. "Deja vu", he thought as he sat down beside her he moved stray tendrils and tucked it behind her ear. She stirred.
"Hey, I was worried about you. You didn't go back to work and you didn't answer your page."
"Mmm sorry, I was tired especially after all the blood work."
"Blood work? Whats happened?"
"I'm pregnant John", she said sleepily with a euphoric smile.
"Seriously?"
She nodded. "Looks like by us not focusing on it worked."
"We're going to have a baby?", his voice emotional full of hope and wonder.
"Yes. Are you happy?"
"Yes of course. I just want you to be okay. How do you feel?"
"I'm fine and something tells me you are going to be asking me that a lot."
"Yes ma'am", John placed his hand on her belly. "A baby."
She covered his with hers. "Yeah."
"How long?"
"Seven weeks."
"I love you", he kissed her. "Do you think we can make love tonight?"
"Yes just nothing too acrobatic", she laughed.
"No I think this occasion calls for a much slower tempo."
--~*~--