That's right! It's...

The Spectacular Pokeswap Christmas Special! Merry Christmas, everybody!

Yeah, I know everyone's been waiting for the Safari Zone for ages now, but who cares about that? It's not like that's important when compared to Christmas Specials! And also, the Christmas episode is literally canonically right around here, and I couldn't resist. So enjoy your Christmas Special, everyone!

"It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas!"

"It really is not," said Cyrus. "Our surroundings look the same as they always do."

"The snow's pretty Christmassy," Clay pointed out. "You gotta admit that."

"That is not snow," Cyrus retorted. "That is the Hail weather condition, which is being caused by the Jynx that Ash's Kubfu is currently battling."

Clay glanced over in time to see Kubfu skidding backwards from a Psychic attack launched by the Jynx. The Fighting-type Legendary lunged forwards again, dodging Psybeams fired by the Ice/Psychic-type. "Don't tell me you don't believe in Christmas, Cyrus!"

"I do not," said Cyrus. "It is a childish pursuit, celebrated by fools with far too much money and free time."

"Don't say that!" Clay chided. "Christmas is more than just givin' and receivin' gifts! It's a celebration of peace and happiness and legends and Santa Claus!"

"I do not know why you believe in Christmas," said Cyrus exhaustedly. "It is not a real thing. The peace and happiness are not real, the legends are not real, and most of all, Santa Claus is not real."

"Yo yo yo!"

All eyes turned towards the nearby coastline as a pink-haired girl wearing a strange black-and-white uniform teleported in alongside another Jynx and three Zubat. "Hi, I'm Santa Claws, yo yo yo," she said disinterestedly. "Quit attackin' my Jynx."

"Isn't it supposed to be 'Santa Claus'?" Ash asked.

"And isn't it supposed to be 'Ho ho ho', not 'Yo yo yo'?" Clay added.

"I'll say whatever I want to say," said Santa Claws. "And anyway, Santa Claws ain't even my real name. It's just a stage name. Y'know? Yo yo yo."

Somewhere outside creation, Arceus glanced over at Dialga. "Is this some kind of joke?"

"No," said Dialga. "Technically, Santa Claus appeared just often enough in Ash's journey to be classified as a recurring character, meaning that he got randomized as well."

Arceus narrowed his eyes. "If we end up with Team Magma Leader Santa Claus, I'm going to be very angry."

"I told you Santa Claus wasn't real." Cyrus sounded way more excited than he normally was.

"Not helping, Cyrus," Clay hissed.

"So what is your real name?" Ash asked.

"It's Rapp," said Santa Claws, who by now had recovered her second Jynx from the grip of Ash's Kubfu. "Yo yo yo."

"And you...actually are the same person who delivers presents to all the children at Christmas, right?"

"Yeah," Santa Claws replied. "Christmas spirit, and all that. Yo yo yo."

"Why do you keep saying 'Yo yo yo'?" Ash asked.

"Because I wanna," Santa Claws retorted. "Got a problem with that?"

"No," said Ash. "Do you want to battle?"

"Do I look like I wanna battle?" Santa Claws asked. "I'm busy! With…y'know…presents and carols and sayin' 'Yo yo yo' and stuff. Besides, I've got three Zubat. Don't get me wrong, I like these guys, but that weird Arcanine over there looks like it could totally crush 'em, yo yo yo."

Cyrus looked away. "No one ever gave me presents at Christmas," he murmured morosely.

Santa Claws waved her hand at Cyrus. "Lighten up, Scrooge, and all that, yo yo yo."

"Will you please stop saying that?" Cyrus asked irritatedly.

"Whatever," growled Santa Claws. "I gotta go, yo yo yo. Catch you on the flip side, dudes." She, her three Zubat, and her two Jynx all teleported away.

Ash, Clay, and Cyrus looked at one another. "So…that was weird," said Ash. "Anyway, let's head to the Safari Zone now! No idea how we managed to go in the complete wrong direction like this…"

Some Time Later

"So what's your guess on what the Tauros randomize into?"

Dialga glared at Arceus. "This is not a game."

"You have to admit you're curious, though!" Arceus protested. "Ooh, I bet he ends up with 30 Charizard! No, wait - 30 Reshiram! That's even cooler!"

"Could you not, Arceus?" Dialga asked tiredly. "We're dealing with universal stakes here! The least you could do is at least take this somewhat seriously instead of treating this like some twisted game!" He paused, then muttered under his breath, "My bet's 30 Magikarp."

"Ha!"

"Yeah, yeah." Dialga glared at Arceus. "But no more guessing, okay? The last thing I need is for you to tempt fate any more than you already have!"

"Well," said Arceus with an impish grin, "with any luck, it won't end up being too ridiculous."

"YOU DID THAT ON PURPOSE!"

"'Welcome to the Safari Zone'," Ash read off a sign. "Awesome! We're finally here! I can't wait to catch some rare and powerful Pokemon!"

"Because he certainly doesn't have enough of those already," Clay murmured.

"Johanna mentioned Tauros," said Ash. "I'd love to get a Tauros!"

"What's all this racket?" An old man stormed out of a thicket of trees, looking rather angry.

"Hi, mister!" Ash called. "We're just heading into the Safari Zone to catch some Pokemon!"

"Are you, now?" the man asked. "I'm Kaiser, warden of the Safari Zone, and you aren't heading anywhere near the Zone until I say so. Do you know the rules of the Safari Zone?"

"We haven't seen any rules," Ash replied.

This clearly did not please Kaiser. "You wanna get shot?" he asked, pulling out a revolver.

In the next moment, one of Ash's Pokeballs erupted into light.

"HOS-TI-LE - LIFE-FORM - DE-TEC-TED!" Genesect sprang between Ash and Kaiser, cannon beginning to glow with power. "EX-TER-MIN-ATE! EX-TER-MIN-ATE!"

"Wait!" Kaiser yelped, flinching away from the angry artificial Legendary. "Wait, I wasn't actually going to use it!"

"Genesect, stop!" Ash cried.

"UN-DER-STOOD." Genesect powered down its cannon, though it pointedly did not back away from Kaiser.

Clay stepped around the side of Genesect, glaring at Kaiser. "So what's the big idea behind pointin' a gun at a teenager?"

Kaiser gulped. "…tragic backstory?"

"We'll see about that," said Clay. "By all means, explain."

As it turned out, Kaiser's backstory (as well as that of the Dratini that supposedly lived in the Safari Zone) was indeed quite tragic. Though neither Clay nor Cyrus seemed to think it tragic enough to justify his use of a deadly weapon to threaten teenagers.

"You could simply post a list of rules at the Safari Zone entrance," Cyrus suggested.

"Or you could, you know, use a Pokemon," Clay pointed out. "Like everyone else in the world. I mean, a Remoraid pretty much has the same function as a revolver."

"And I'm sure pointing a Remoraid at someone would be very intimidating," Kaiser remarked. "You were intimidated by my revolver, weren't you?"

"Of course we were!" Clay cried. "But using a revolver is just wrong!"

Kaiser gestured towards Genesect. "And using a Pokemon with similar power to that of a revolver isn't?"

"Let us cease this pointless argument," Cyrus advised. "You mentioned that we can catch Pokemon in the Safari Zone with fishing rods and Safari Balls?"

"Oh, yes," said Kaiser, reaching behind his desk. "Here's a fishing rod each and a box of thirty Safari Balls to share. Remember, only they're allowed in the Safari Zone - if you dare use anything else-"

"-you'll sic your Pokemon on us like a normal person would, right?" Clay asked.

Kaiser grinned sheepishly. "Um…"

"I don't know about you, Cyrus," said Clay, "but I'm hoping to get at least one new teammate around here. The Safari Zone's bound to have at least one good Ground-type."

"I myself have no need for new teammates," Cyrus replied. "Psyduck is taking up plenty of my time as is. Speaking of which…" He looked down at the ground, where Psyduck and Sneasel were walking together. "Psyduck, do not waver. Sneasel is perfectly capable of taking it."

"Right…" Psyduck concentrated on Sneasel, trying to focus his Psychic power into a Confusion aimed at Sneasel. But all that caused was more aching in his head. A squawk of pain escaped Psyduck's beak as his concentration dissipated, the Confusion attack failing to form.

"You okay?" Sneasel asked.

"Not really," Psyduck grumbled. "Every time I try to use my Psychic powers, I just get a really big headache. And if my Psychic powers are the only reason Cyrus caught me, then-"

"Don't worry about it," Sneasel said swiftly and comfortingly. "These things take time. My Trainer might be strict, but he's also patient. Just give it a few days, and you'll have already made substantial progress!"

"He certainly is strict," Psyduck murmured. "But no other Trainers have been interested in me…I heard something about how he was a Gym Leader?"

"It's a little complicated at present," Sneasel admitted. "But yes, he used to be a Gym Leader. Even fought Ash over there for a Gym Badge!"

"Ah, yes, Ash," Psyduck noted. "The Trainer our entire journey seems to be revolving around."

Sneasel chuckled. "Yeah, well, he's the kind of Trainer whom things always seem to revolve around. I mean, what other Trainers you know have managed to catch not one but two Legendaries?"

"I do not know any other Trainers," Psyduck pointed out. "Aside from Nurse Tabitha. Who, by the way, is surprisingly in-"

"Oh, look, a Tauros!"

Psyduck flinched back as Ash snatched a Safari Ball from the box. "I'm gonna catch it!" he yelled. "Go, Safari Ball!"

Hauling back, he tossed the Safari Ball as hard as he could at the Tauros, who was currently grazing with its back to him. The most perfect target anyone could ask for.

And then a green-black blur shot past in the blink of an eye, intercepting the Safari Ball in midair. Both the blur and the Safari Ball dissipated before anyone, least of all Psyduck, could see what exactly it was. The Tauros, alerted, looked back, saw the Trainers staring at it, and promptly fled into the underbrush.

"Aw, man!" Ash kicked the dirt. "I wanted that Tauros!"

"Well, you caught somethin', at least," Clay pointed out. "Any idea what that was?"

"I did not see anything beyond a blur," said Cyrus.

"Neither did I." Ash frowned. "And I'll only be able to contact Professor Archie and find out once we get out of the Safari Zone. This place has no reception whatsoever."

Clay shrugged. "Guess it'll be a surprise, then. What say we go catch some more Pokemon? Maybe we'll even find that Tauros again!"

"I think I almost feel something this time."

"Oh, that's great!" said Sneasel. "See, I told you - just give it some time and soon-"

"No, wait," Psyduck interrupted. "That is just a Doduo feather that landed on my head." He swept it off. "Yes, the feeling is gone."

"Darn it," Sneasel muttered. "It's okay, Psyduck. Like I said earlier, all you need is patience."

"What I need is for these stupid Psychic powers to work like they should!" Psyduck cried.

"Here's an idea." Drilbur, walking with Clay alongside Krokorok, saw fit to break into the conversation. "You should wait until you or one of your friends is in an extremely stressful situation, and then try."

"Be serious," Psyduck murmured dejectedly.

"I am serious!" Drilbur glanced over towards Ash. "Look at Ash's Pokemon! Hisuian Arcanine, Kubfu, Scizor, Pyroar, and Palpitoad will all tell you that the best way to learn a new technique is under intense, life-or-career-threatening pressure."

"Yeah, and I evolved because of the same," Krokorok chimed in. "I can't really believe I'm saying this, but it feels like that kind of thing is becoming a legitimate tactic."

"I do not like being under pressure, though," said Psyduck.

"Well, you're on a Trainer's team," Sneasel pointed out, "so it's gonna happen sometime."

"Yayyyyyyy…"

"Ooh, a Tangela!" Ash pointed to a cluster of vines waddling through the trees in front of the group. "I could use a Grass-type! Go, Safari Ball!"

A second Safari Ball flew out towards the Grass-type. About two-thirds of the way there, though, another green-black blur flashed in front of the Tangela, running full-tilt into the Safari Ball and sending both the sphere and itself to Professor Archie's lab.

"Again?" Ash frowned as the Tangela ran off. "What is going on?"

"No idea," said Clay. "Whatever that is, though, one thing's for certain - it's really fast."

"And now you have two of them," Cyrus added.

"I don't want two of the same Pokemon!" Ash cried.

"If they're even Pokemon," Clay muttered.

"Pokemon or not," said Ash, stalking ahead, "I don't want to catch any more of those blurs."

"Ooh, nice, a Kangaskhan just like Johanna's! Go, Safari Ball!"

This time, the blur came in from the opposite direction it usually did, but still intercepted the Safari Ball just as perfectly as usual.

"Dang it!"

"Maybe stop shouting 'Go, Safari Ball' before each throw," Clay suggested as the Kangaskhan made tracks. "Those blurs could be hearin' you shout and runnin' in a panic."

"Cool, a Parasect!"

Ash threw his Safari Ball without shouting this time. It didn't matter. "Oh, come on!"

"Perhaps," Cyrus offered as the Parasect scuttled away, "you could knock the Pokemon unconscious before attempting to capture it. That way it won't be able to run when the blurs inevitably intercept your Pokeball."

"Okay," said the very frustrated Ash, "is he unconscious?"

Scizor looked up from the downed Exeggcutor and nodded.

"Good." Ash grinned and hefted a Safari Ball. "Come at me, blurs! You're not stopping me this time!"

He threw the Safari Ball. Just before it reached the Exeggcutor, another blur intercepted it.

"Nice try!" Ash picked up another Safari Ball and threw it.

Another blur met it halfway.

"Take this!" Ash picked up yet another Safari Ball and threw that.

This time, it had barely left his hand when a blur caught it.

Letting out a strangled yell, Ash grabbed five Safari Balls in his non-throwing arm, then picked them up one at a time and threw them all rapid-fire at the downed Exeggcutor.

All five found blurs at varying distances.

"You know what?" Ash growled. "Fine!" He grabbed one final Safari Ball and began to stride forwards, treading on the plants. Scizor stepped back, allowing Ash to kneel down beside the Exeggcutor. "Let's see those blurs try to intercept my Safari Ball if I don't even throw it!"

Reaching out, Ash touched the Safari Ball to the Exeggcutor. Or he would have, if a blur hadn't blurred in at that exact moment, slammed into the Exeggcutor's body, and knocked it aside just in time for Ash's Safari Ball to touch it instead.

"I HATE THIS PLACE!" Ash bellowed as the Exeggcutor went sailing off into the trees.

"I am getting tired of this," Psyduck muttered. "We have been at this for an hour, wandering through this stupid forest, and I still haven't gotten any closer to unlocking my Psychic powers!"

"Like I said, patience-"

"I have had enough of your stupid patience!" Psyduck cried. "I just want these Psychic powers to work!"

"Hey, there's a river over there," said Drilbur. "Maybe, Sneasel, you could try throwing yourself in and drowning yourself, and Psyduck could try to rescue you with his Psychic powers! That'll add that element of stress that you're lacking!"

Sneasel and Psyduck both glared at Drilbur. "Leaving aside," said Sneasel irritatedly, "the fact that I'm a Dark-type, meaning Psyduck's Psychic powers won't even work on me…that's a terrible idea. And you should be ashamed for even coming up with it. Now, Psyduck is not going to be intentionally getting into stressful situations in order to awaken his Psychic powers, and that's final! And furthermore-"

"Hold that thought," Krokorok interrupted. "Looks like they've stopped again."

Indeed, Ash, Clay, and Cyrus were all crouching motionlessly behind a cluster of bushes, their heads craning over the leaves to stare at a Rhyhorn grazing in the grass.

"Finally!" Clay reached into the box. "A Rhyhorn should make for a pretty good addition to my…my…" He looked over his shoulder at the contents of the box - or, as it happened, lack thereof. "Ash, did you use all the Safari Balls?"

Ash gulped. "Um…oops?"

"Clay," said Cyrus, "I believe that the Rhyhorn heard you speaking just now."

Clay glanced at the Rhyhorn, who was glaring at Clay and letting out a loud bellow. "Darn."

"And I also believe," said Cyrus as several answering bellows emanated from the surrounding forest, "that neither the Rhyhorn nor his friends and family are too happy with our presence."

"…we should probably run," Clay advised as the ground began to shake.

"Why are we running?" Ash asked as the group sprinted through the forest. "I'm sure my Pokemon can handle a herd of Rhyhorn!"

"I've got no doubt about that," said Clay. "But the damage that kinda fight would cause could be destructive to the surrounding environment!"

"They do seem to be causing significant damage to said environment while chasing us," Cyrus pointed out.

"Fair point," Clay admitted. "But also, while we could take them, our Pokemon might get hurt in the process. I'd rather avoid a trip to the Pokemon Center…or worse."

"Yeah, I guess," Ash muttered.

Before any more debate could be had, though, the trio burst into a clearing that was dominated on three sides by a fairly high, fairly sheer rocky cliff extending up all around them.

"…this could be somewhat problematic," said Cyrus.

"Dead end!" Clay hissed as the group spun to face the approaching Rhyhorn herd. "Get ready - we're gonna have to fight our way out after all!"

"Right!" Ash cried. "Genesect, blast 'em! The rest of you, get ready for hand-to-hand!"

"A proper fight!" Aegislash cheered as he emerged, slashing his blade through the air. "I shalt vanquish these violent beasts and mount their heads upon my wall!"

"Maybe take a rain check on the head-mounting thing," Scizor suggested.

"Bet I can get more than you can," Primeape growled.

"You're on," Kubfu retorted, clenching his fists tightly.

And in the center of all of them, Genesect stepped forwards, charging his cannon. "LOCK-ING - ON."

There were several tense seconds as the Rhyhorn herd thundered closer, bursting into the clearing with challenging roars and lowered heads. Psyduck took in breath after nervous breath, feeling his head pounding more and more, the aching growing increasingly prominent in his mind.

"EX-TER-MIN-ATE!" Genesect's Techno Blast fired, blasting the lead Rhyhorn backwards into his fellows. As Rhyhorn fell like bowling pins, Ash's team let out battle cries and flung themselves into the fray, closely followed by Clay's team. Psyduck, Sneasel, and the rest of Cyrus's team hung back, supporting from afar with energy blasts and darting, harrying attacks, their typings and frailer constitutions lending themselves poorly to a full-blown battle like this.

Which was why they were caught completely off-guard when the massive Rhydon charged in out of nowhere, a roar of sheer ferocity emanating from its gaping maw.

In the next moment, a barrage of rocks had sent Murkrow and Zubat flying, while Houndour was flung away by a kick from the rampaging beast. "Screw this!" Sneasel snarled, lunging at the towering monstrosity. His claws scraped against its rocky skin; Rhydon twisted and flung a vicious stony fist at Sneasel, who barely dodged away in time. Psyduck, head pulsing with pain, fired a Water Gun at the Rhydon, but despite the effectiveness of the attack, the Rhydon barely seemed to notice as it lumbered after Sneasel.

"Excuse me," said Cyrus, "but my team could perhaps use some assistance."

Sneasel darted in again and again, scratching and clawing at Rhydon before narrowly evading its wild retaliatory swipes, all while Psyduck unleashed Water Gun after Water Gun into the behemoth's flank, trying to hold back the steadily growing pain in his head. Out of the corner of his eye, Psyduck spotted Ash's team absolutely wrecking the Rhyhorn horde, using their super-effective typings and sheer power to pummel every Rhyhorn unlucky enough to get in their way. This left an opening for Clay's team to break away; sure enough, Psyduck saw Drilbur and Krokorok knock a pair of Rhyhorn away with a dual Metal Claw and Crunch, then twist and start racing to Sneasel and Psyduck's aid.

But before they could, Sneasel finally messed up. As he backpedaled away from another strike from Rhydon, his foot caught on a strange protrusion in the terrain and he tripped. Rhydon wasted no time in taking advantage of the misstep; his other fist flew forwards and came crashing into Sneasel's face, pounding the frail Dark/Ice-type into the ground in one blow. Rhydon let out a victorious bellow as he lunged forwards, raising one foot to stomp down on the fallen Sneasel.

"NO!" Psyduck cried, leaping forwards and reaching out a hand.

The agony in Psyduck's mind reached a peak…and then power erupted outwards.

Rhydon was thrust to the side as Psyduck's Confusion slammed into the beast hard enough to send him staggering away. His foot came down inches from Sneasel's face; before he could adjust, Drilbur and Krokorok were on him, forcing the monster back with a barrage of powerful hits. Drilbur glanced back at Psyduck. "Called it!"

"Thanks, Drilbur," Sneasel gasped out. "That…ow…really helps."

"Are you all right, Sneasel?" Cyrus asked, striding swiftly over to the downed Dark/Ice-type.

"Could I…ow…please be recalled now?" Sneasel asked shakily.

As Cyrus recalled Sneasel, Psyduck sagged to the ground. The aching in his head was receding back down to normal levels, the sharp agony fading entirely. A shaky breath escaped his beak as he watched the Rhyhorn turn tail and flee, finally having enough of the beating they'd been taking.

I did it, he thought. I really do not ever want to do it again, but I did it.

"Thank goodness all that's over," Clay panted, dusting off his clothes and watching as the Rhydon fled after his Rhyhorn brethren, unwilling to stand and fight now that the odds had turned against him. He looked at Ash. "Well, with no more Safari Balls in the box, there's not much more point in stayin' here. Let's head back to town and figure out what exactly you ended up capturin' with those thirty Safari Balls of yours."

"I be impressed, Ash," said Professor Archie over the video call back in town. "Three catches in a single day - not a bad feat! Even if none of them be Water-types. I must be asking, though - did ye really have to be catching such large Pokemon?"

Ash frowned. "Wait, three?"

Professor Archie scratched his head. "Oh, right. Yes, ye be catching them in thirty of those weird Pokeballs. But as soon as they were out, they be combining into these three massive things! They…you know what? I think it be better if I be showing ye."

Professor Archie turned his monitor around, showing the view out the window. Ash's eyes went comically wide. "What the…"

Standing outside the window were three, for want of a better word, titans. They looked humanoid, with two legs and two arms, but all three towered over the surrounding trees and indeed everything else within sight. Each titan was predominantly black and dark gray, but all over their bodies were bony white spikes and clusters of lime green hexagonal shapes. Four long black serpentine wings extended from their shoulders, two on the right and two on the left; the ones on the left were broken up by red highlights, and the ones on the right were the same but with blue instead. Long black tails extended out from their backsides, and loud rumbling noises were emanating from their surprisingly small, oddly crown-shaped heads.

"ZY…" one boomed.

"…GARDE!" another roared.

The third joined in with a wordless bellow, knocking over several trees with its lashing tail in the process.

"…what manner of things have I caught?" Ash asked breathlessly.

Arceus stared at Dialga.

Dialga stared at Arceus.

Both slowly turned to stare at the monitor again. Both blinked, satisfying themselves that no, they weren't seeing things.

Arceus was the first to break the silence. "…this could be problematic."

Dialga could only muster a simple nod in response. "So…do you have an 'alcohol' button on this thing, by any chance?"

I'm not sorry about the Christmas thing.

And...yep. That just happened.

When I rolled Zygarde-10% as the replacement for Tauros, I instantly knew three things.

1: There would almost certainly be some people who didn't believe this was random, because it's just so absurdly perfect as an outcome. Rest assured, this was 100% random and unplanned.

2: This would be the precise moment in the fic where Ash's team went from 'ridiculous, but at least semi-plausible to write challenges for' to 'completely and utterly broken in a way that absolutely shatters any and all semblance of balance for the remainder of the story'.

3: The reviews would be highly interesting to read. Highly interesting.