The Gryffindor and Slytherin Houses were bitter rivals, at least until one enemy came along who was hated enough to put that original rivalry on standby, at least for a little. This enemy was Dolores Jane Umbridge, the "professor" of the Defense Against the Dark Arts class. Although she managed to curry favor with a handful of Slytherins, she was still hated enough by everyone else that, for once, it wasn't an even divide. She had just as many Slytherin enemies as she did friends and she was one of the first things to ever unite all four houses. Her biggest Slytherin rival was one Glinda Upland, who loathed her with every fiber of her being.
"She gives pink a bad name!" the little blond Slytherin complained as she studied her own blindingly pink wardrobe. Glinda took it very deeply and very personally that Umbridge liked pink, seeing it as a capital crime worse than just about anything else that fat old toad in human skin could cook up. And for once, she was not alone in such irrational hatred. There came a day when Glinda had been forced to walk by Umbridge's office, to her endless revulsion, and she managed to walk on by right as a beautiful silver tabby cat walked on out. Glinda watched it, feeling a new surge of hatred filling up her entire being. Although she knew the cat was not to blame, she couldn't help but despise the cat too just because it was a friend of Umbridge's. Or so Glinda thought. Because even though Umbridge had a sickeningly sweet soft spot for cats, as Glinda would soon learn, this cat was a fellow enemy who only ever disguised herself as a friend.
"Professor McGonagall!" the little blond Slytherin gasped, and sure enough, it was. That little silver tabby cat was no ordinary cat, but Professor McGonagall's Animagus side. She had been a little more than flustered to have her secret discovered by a student, who was also in Slytherin no less, but Glinda looked so enthused that she forgot to chastise the girl for spying on her.
"What were you doing in Umbridge's office?" Glinda demanded excitedly. "Were you really tricking her into thinking you were a friend?!" the little Slytherin looked like she was about to burst with laughter. Sensing this, McGonagall decided to give her an honest answer.
"I've been spying on her," the old professor confessed. "I have her schedule memorized and every afternoon she has a cup of tea in her office, sometimes while conferring with the Minister. I've taken to memorizing that time and creeping about her office during it. She knows me now and knows that I come every day during her lunchbreak. She's come to trust me and often invites me into her office to share some food with me. I only scarf it down because I have to, so I can snoop around without her realizing it. Dreadful stuff she eats!"
The older woman shivered in disgust. Umbridge's tastes were far too sweet for her. But like she had told Glinda, she continued to play up the role of a sweet, innocent little kitty in order to continue to dupe Umbridge and be free to snoop around her office.
"It really is a ghastly place!" McGonagall continued, daring to finally confide in someone how much she reviled the other "professor". "Far too much pink, and far too much lace!" but at this Glinda, frowned a little.
"Hey!" she remarked. Even though she wore her Hogwarts robes, everyone at Hogwarts knew how much their friendly little Slytherin loved the color pink. Even McGonagall knew this and she was quick to see how her words might've offended the little blond.
"My apology, Ms. Upland," she said.
"Well, I can't entirely disagree with you," Glinda admitted. "She does, after all, give pink a very bad name. I think it's ghastly that we have something in common!" and Glinda looked genuinely disgusted and scandalized about the whole thing.
"Imagine how I feel, knowing that she likes cats!" McGonagall nodded back indignantly. "How many times I've wanted to claw her eyes out! Or one day reveal myself to her..." McGonagall's eyes flashed with a dark and sadistic glee at the idea. She could already see it now: she would approach Umbridge's office, but the moment the ugly old toad would pick her up, she would take back her human form and give the pitiful Ministry puppet a heart attack for the ages!
"But sadly, they still need me to spy on her, so for now, I must play along in this stupid little game of cat and mouse. I just can't wait until the day the cat gets to eat the mouse!" McGonagall murmured ruefully, nose crinkling in annoyance.
"Well, maybe it won't be all that bad," Glinda mused. She was thinking now, and McGonagall could see it. "If you have her schedule memorized and if you're always creeping around here in cat form, pretending to be her friend, maybe I can use that to help you sneak a few pranks past her radar..." and then Glinda was off, creatively and cunningly coming up with a plan that would've put the Weasley Twins to shame.
"Oh, we'll be recruiting them!" Glinda promised when McGonagall told her how Weasley she sounded. "And I think we should also include Avaric and Fiyero," she added, still turning this crazy plan over in her mind.
"Isn't Fiyero another Gryffindor?" McGonagall asked, dimly recognizing the name.
"Yes," Glinda confirmed. "He's basically a third Weasley Twin, just minus the orange hair. And so is Avaric, though he's a Slytherin," she explained. Even though she had never been very fond of the pompous idiot named Avaric, because she knew he hated Umbridge too, she knew he would be a valuable ally in this new little game of cat and mouse that she was concocting. No one was able to be as big of a jerk as Avaric, and no one was able to do it quite as gleefully as him. If there was anybody Glinda wanted on her side in a prank war against Umbridge, it was him.
"In fact, he was the one to help us throw our little Star Dust ball in first year!" Glinda replied unthinkingly.
"Your what?" McGonagall asked sharply.
"Oh, oops," Glinda smiled sheepishly, but she could tell from McGonagall's piercing glare that she wasn't going to be able to get out of this one without explaining. So she did. Back when she and everyone else was still all only in first year, Fiyero and Avaric had teamed up to coordinate a fancy ballroom bash in the Hogwarts Great Hall. As soon as the rest of the castle was asleep, the two boys raced to the dining hall and turned it into a little ballroom before inviting all their fellow first year friends to party and dance the night away.
"A couple of first years!" McGonagall sounded a mix of dismayed and impressed that two 11-year-old boys could've had the wit and skills to create what was essentially a Junior Yule Ball in the Hogwarts dining hall without anyone ever knowing. She was in awe of the magical and mental skill it must've taken, all that coordinating and secrecy, combined with the spells needed to keep anyone from hearing the party going on.
"And in fact, I might even be able to rope Nessarose in too!" Glinda continued to scheme, trying to slowly steer McGonagall away from their chat about that secret party in first year. Now she was referring to another Slytherin friend, the younger sister of her Gryffindor girlfriend.
"Elphaba Thropp's sister?" McGonagall narrowed her eyes, recognizing Nessa's name faster than Fiyero's.
"Yes, and I know what you're thinking," Glinda was quick to say. "But even though Elphaba herself isn't one for petty prank wars, Nessa's got a bit of a mean streak. She has a sense of humor, though she usually keeps it undercover. But trust me when I say that I think she would be more than happy to join us in our little crusade against Umbridge!" the little blond explained. Then she recounted an example of Nessa's rebellious side.
Although the girl usually liked to play by the rules and act superior to everyone else, she was no more immune to the allure of normality and popularity than her sister was. There had, after all, been a day when she, Elphaba and Glinda had all been practicing charms together only for Glinda to accidentally cause her sandwiches to explode all over Elphaba. Nessa had laughed for five minutes straight. And Nessa had helped Glinda and Elphaba play a few pranks on the Weasley Twins, Fiyero and Avaric before, so Nessa would be a useful ally as well.
So while Glinda continued to scheme, McGonagall could only listen in awe as this brilliant little Slytherin student began to display all of her best Slytherin traits, and all in the name of pranking the life out of Umbridge. McGonagall couldn't say that she disapproved... In fact, she was quickly learning that Glinda was far more than she appeared to be. And she didn't just mean that in the sappy way that Glinda was smarter and kinder than she might've first appeared (though that was also true). What McGonagall meant was that Glinda was stronger, smarter and more vicious, petty and determined than one might've expected.
From the stories the girl was unwittingly recounting as she continued to list off all the ways their little war against Umbridge could proceed, McGonagall was learning that Glinda was a very fierce and devoted friend and although she could be an absolute angel to the people she loved, she had no issue crossing wands or fists or words with the people she loathed. In fact, one story she recounted gave McGonagall a perfect idea of how quick Glinda would be to engage in a catfight (ha ha) if her friend's honor was on the line. The unfortunate victim was Draco Malfoy.
He, Crabbe, Goyle and Pansy had been badmouthing Elphaba Thropp, making all sorts of snide and cruel remarks about her green skin and her blood status as a muggle-born when Glinda had intervened.
"If you really feel so strongly about Elphaba, why don't you say all that to her face?" she snarled.
"Ha! As if we would want to be seen anywhere near that vile and repulsive creature!" Draco sneered.
"Yeah!" Pansy agreed. "We aren't stupid enough to be seen in public with the likes of her!" and Crabbe and Goyle only gave nasty laughs.
"What, are you all too afraid to confront her directly?" Glinda asked, knowing exactly where she wanted this argument to go.
"Not scared, just far too above it all to care!" Draco corrected. "Wouldn't want a filthy little piece of pond scum like that anywhere near me!"
"Well, when she and I still fought, at least I had the nerve to actually go toe to toe with her! You've got no excuse to hide your cowardice behind!" Glinda snarked, and it had been true. Back in the days when she and Elphaba were still bitter rivals, Glinda never once hesitated to cross fists and wands with her, even though Elphaba had already made a reputation for herself for being unusually strong and powerful for a student. But despite being known for unusually powerful magical outbursts, Glinda never once was afraid to confront Elphaba head on.
"At least when I still didn't like her, I was actually brave enough to tell her!" Glinda continued to goad the Slytherin quartet. "You do the pureblood line a great disservice by being too scared to fight a muggle-born!" and at last, her jibes finally got Draco and the others to at least try and seek Elphaba out for a fight. They did exactly what Glinda had expected and tried to goad the green girl into a fight near the lake. Although only Glinda knew just how harmful water could be for the green girl, it was no secret to anybody else that she held a deathly fear for the substance. Draco was trying to use that to his advantage, little knowing that he was walking right into Glinda's trap. It really was just like a game of cat and mouse. Then as soon as the mouse was in place, the cat struck. While Draco and his goons taunted Elphaba from the shores of the lake, Glinda was quick to whip out her wand and send them all backwards, plunging headfirst into the icy black waters of the lake. When they came back up, sputtering in outrage, Glinda could only laugh.
The moment Draco reached the shore, he began to rant and rave against Glinda.
"My father will hear about this!" he snarled, reaching for his own wand.
"So will mine," Glinda replied coldly, reminding him that they were on even ground when it came to who had the richer and more powerful parents. Draco's face wilted, then suddenly, he was back in the water Glinda having simply punched him right in the face. Her blow was far stronger than it looked, managing to send him off of his feet before he fell back into the lakes cold waters. Glinda really was not anywhere near as dainty and delicate as she seemed. When Hermione had punched Draco in third year, she had given him a bruise. When Glinda had punched Draco into the lake, she'd broken his nose. It was then that the school stopped insisting that Glinda was weak or polite and began to see her for the angry, aggressive powerhouse that she was.
A second, more comical and less violent example of Glinda's fiery temper presented itself in another story she offhandedly told a curious and interested Professor McGonagall. Apparently, she'd wanted to enjoy a nice evening flight with the green girl only to have an unexpected storm roll in and ruin it all. Angry at the rain for ruining her romantic evening, Glinda had taken to the sky herself and, over the thunder and rain, cursed out the weather, attempting to create a wind spell strong enough to blow the storm away. It didn't work, but the sight of Glinda flying through a torrential downpour while screaming curses (both magical and non) was only a testament to how vicious she could really get. (Glinda conveniently forgot to mention she and her friends had been drunk on Firewhiskey during this event. Even though Glinda was only offhandedly recounting these tales to McGonagall, she still had the sense to leave out the more unallowed bits of the stories).
It was only when Elphaba's fellow nerdy Gryffindor, Hermione Granger, intervened that Glinda stopped trying to hex the storm away. Although Hermione had no spell to fix the weather, she did know of one that could protect an object from the rain. She'd used it before to help Harry Potter fly through rainstorms. It was the Impervius Charm and it, as the name entailed, made the user impervious to water. After casting it over Elphaba, she essentially became waterproof, any and all water rolling off of her as though she were being protected by a thin but effective sheet of plastic, or the most water-resistant oil in the world. But even after that spell, Elphaba had still declined the idea of flying through a rainstorm. Too many years of fearing the water made it hard for her to overcome the phobia, even if she now had a spell to make her waterproof.
"Oh, come on!" Glinda complained, but Elphaba and Hermione at least got her to calm down now that there was a spell out there capable of protecting Elphaba from water's more harmful properties.
So as Glinda continued to scheme, McGonagall could only listen in awe. If anyone had ever told her that there would be a day in her teaching career when she aided a young Slytherin student in messing around with the school's most hated professor in history, she would've had them admitted to St. Mungo's immediately, but here she stood today, listening to an adorable little blond with a pension for pink discussing all of the wicked ways she and her many unique allies could bring Umbridge down. She had an almost scary expression on as she brought in friends from both Gryffindor and Slytherin to aid their little prank war. It was a very interesting example of inter-house friendship and teamwork.
"So that means we've got the Weasley Twins, Fiyero, Avaric, Nessa, myself and you," Glinda muttered. "I'm sure I could rope in some others as well, but let's just start with that little roster first. We need to pull off our first prank after all, and I think I know just how to do it..."
24 hours later, McGonagall was sauntering over to Umbridge's office again in her cat form. She meowed at the door and, just like clockwork, Umbridge opened up. Her squat face split into an ugly grin.
"My beautiful little kitty!" she crooned as she picked McGonagall up and held her high in the air with a look of genuine delight. McGonagall had to fight the urge to claw her eyes out. Instead, she only raised one paw to reveal a pink bow tied around it. It was Glinda's, but it had been enchanted by the Weasley Twins, Fiyero and Avaric to release a host of terrible smells. It wasn't active yet, but as soon as McGonagall would say the incantation, it would stink up the entire office. She just wanted to wait until later on when she had been gone long enough that Umbridge wouldn't suspect that it was she who had left such a stink bomb in the area. Instead, she forced herself to purr at the ugly old lady as she gave McGonagall a saucer of warm milk that was so painfully sweet that she was certain her tongue would burn off.
Merlin's beard, woman! How much sugar and cream did you put into this?! the cat though as she forced herself to lap up every little last drop.
A few minutes later, Cornelius Fudge's head appeared in Umbridge's fireplace. While he and Umbridge engaged in a very private and intense conversation, McGonagall twitched her ears in attempt to pick up every little last word. Once teatime was over, McGonagall pretended to nuzzle Umbridge's legs before quickly taking leave of that blindingly pink office.
"Goodbye, little one! See you tomorrow!" Umbridge waved sweetly at her but McGonagall didn't even bother looking back as she retreated safely away before turning into a human again and uttering the magic words. Within the next hour, Umbridge's room began to reek so badly that all the rooms around her office needed to be treated while Umbridge herself was red with rage, demanding to know who had done it and how and why.
"I'm sure Mr. Potter had something to do with it!" she shrieked, face red as she screeched out her anger. The little bow McGonagall had brought her earlier was still sitting on her desk, Umbridge having not even suspected that the gift from her precious little cat was the true culprit of the day.
"Well done, Glinda!" McGonagall congratulated the little Slytherin that evening after dinner, stopping her before she could leave the dining hall. Glinda smiled up at her, glowing with pride at having earned the respect and admiration from such an amazing and flawless woman.
"Well done for what?" Elphaba, who was with Glinda at the time, asked curiously. Glinda had not yet told her about their war against Umbridge.
"Oh, nothing Elphie," Glinda grinned smugly. "McGonagall and I have just teamed up to try and make Umbridge's life miserable!"
"Glinda!" Elphaba gave her a withering look.
"Oh, come on! It's an example of house unity!" Glinda pretended to argue. "Your sister is in on it too, after all!"
"She what?!" Elphaba squawked.
"If memory serves me correctly, Glinda said she would be attempting to create a diversion next DADA class by pretending that her wheelchair had been broken down. While Umbridge would go to see what's the matter, Fiyero and Avaric would take the opportunity to hex her desk and chair," McGonagall nodded with a dry grin. Now it was her turn to receive a withering look from Elphaba, though the look she received was laced with amazement as well. Although Elphaba could easily envision Glinda being petty enough to start a prank war with Umbridge, she never thought she'd live to see the day that the distinguished and dignified Minerva McGonagall got in on the action.
"You too, Professor?" she asked, sounding impressed and disbelieving.
"It's all only a fun little game of cat and mouse," McGonagall shrugged. "We weren't planning on causing any lasting or illegal harm. Just a few pranks. It is nothing against the rules and if I don't personally see it happen, how can I punish anyone?" then she gave Elphaba and Glinda both a playful wink, which Glinda returned while Elphaba could only stare back and forth between the two of them, aghast and amazed.
"Like I said, Elphie, it's all about house unity!" Glinda singsonged again with a smug little smile as McGonagall gave them another little wink.
Later that night, then, a silver tabby cat could be seen creeping through the dark and empty halls of Hogwarts, a girl in pink trailing excitedly after her. In the cat's mind, this shade of pink was far prettier than the stuff that their common enemy wore. And speak of the Devil, there she was! Unsuspecting and blind. The cat and girl exchanged wicked little smiles. It was time for the next round of their little game of cat and mouse to begin!
AN: Based off a comic where McGonagall uses her cat form to get close to Umbridge before scaring the crap out of her with the reveal that she's not really a cat at all, but a fellow Hogwarts professor.
Also based off a joke I made where Glinda is OUTRAGED that Umbridge likes pink and goes around insisting that her shades of pink are FAR better than Umbridge's.
Also, if the Aggressive!Glinda seems a bit OOC, just watch Alli Mauzy's Glinda. She knows how to fight. And of course, the Catfight scene from Wicked itself is proof that an adult Glinda will still throw hands when she's mad, even if the person on the other end is her long-lost lesbian lover, LOL. (I'll never get over the humor of the Catfight scene: two adult women fighting, with Glinda doing a fancy wand twirl and all before they both run at each other screaming. Adulthood at its finest).