(The following is a nonprofit work of fanfiction and is outside of the original canon. All names, characters, businesses, places, events, and/or incidents of any kind depicted within this story are being used for entertainment purposes only.)

(The Loud House and all related characters were created by Chris Savino and all rights belong to Nickelodeon.)

- Chapter Eight -

Dance Hall Days

Tuesday, June 2nd...

Of all the places to celebrate my twelfth birthday, the Royal Woods Mall was a very interesting pick. Personally, I would love to have had it over at an amusement park instead. But that idea was completely nixed altogether when I remembered that we were already planning on doing so later this year anyway. The ceiling far above our heads reached up to about five stories high. All around us, the mall was teeming with human life, people of all ages walking by with large shopping bags carried in either one or each hand.

There were a multitude of different stores to be found here. Each one of them were lined up closely together, and just as so up on the second floor above us. My sisters and I had shopped at many of these stores before in years past; there was a Waldenbooks, a Kay-Bee Toys, Spencer Gifts, RadioShack, Payless Shoe Source, the Gap, Casual Corner, JCPenney, Camelot Music—Luna's favorite place—and also Zales and a Wicks 'N' Sticks. There was even a Sears which was located on the far other side of the entire building. Did I mention that there was also a movie theater here as well?

Stretching up from the floor to the ceiling, there were these lined up, square-shaped columns that connected to the second-floor balcony's, all painted an off-white color with each lower base decorated in light blue tiles. Up near the top bases, however, the columns were covered in lines of glowing pink neon lights. And lastly, Wang Chung's Dance Hall Days could barely be heard playing in the background of the mall. As we made our way over to the food court, we had to stop Leni a few times before she could make a break for the nearest store that she liked.

"Oh my gosh! Like, look what they've got over there!" she nearly exclaimed, pointing an excited finger at one of Claire's display windows.

"Whoa! Wait a second there, Leni!" Lori said, quickly grabbing our sister by the shoulder. "Remember why we're here!" Leni looked at us very bashfully.

"Oh... right, sorry," our neon-clothed, fashionista for a sister muttered, smiling awkwardly. But then right afterward, she would forget about it in seconds and then repeat this same process over and over again. I just smiled and lightly shook my head.

Never change, Leni, I thought. Never change. Lily giggled humorously in Luna's arms while clapping her little hands together. When the thirteen of us continued to make our way more towards the center of the mall, a faint yet very familiar smell found had gone straight up into my nose. A smell that made my mouth water almost instantly, pretty much seducing all of my senses. The smell of freshly made batter being fried inside a deep fryer...

Hot Dog on a Stick, I thought. Truly, nobody in the world could make the best corn dogs better than they did.

Eventually, we found ourselves nearing the corner that intersected between where we were and the other line of stores on the opposite side. And lo and behold, we finally arrived at the food court. I knew this for a fact because I could see the big and glowing pink-and-blue neon lights that formed the words "Food Court" on the far, painted-white wall directly left of the food stalls. Spread around the area, there were a large number of thick wooden chairs and square-shaped tables, and also a few booths as well.

From left to right, there was Hot Sam Pretzel, Orange Julius, Baskin-Robbins, the Peanut Shack, Karmelkorn, Mrs. Field's Cookies, a Burger King, and a soon-to-be-open Taco Bell. And of course, the ever so classic Hot Dog on a Stick. I was just getting ridiculously hungry and excited from just thinking about it. There was nothing more delicious, besides pizza, than eating a delicious corn dog that was fresh out of the deep fryer. So far, I thought this was the best birthday ever, and the party had not even started yet. Truly, it really was an awesome day for me.

Amongst the number of people who sat in their own respective seats eating their food or just simply chatting it up with friends and family, I quickly took notice of a small group of other kids who sat closely in one group not that far between Baskin-Robbins and the Peanut Shack. Peering closely, I knew immediately who they were the second I laid my eyes on one familiar head of curly black hair with a Michael Jackson-inspired perm. And then, I made a light jog straight to their location, my family following along after me.

"Hey, Clyde!" I yelled, waving my hands up to get my best friend's attention. Clyde turned to face my direction, smiled big when he spotted me, and then waved his own hand out.

"Hey, Lincoln!" he said, jumping up from his seat to give me our secret handshake and hug combo. "Happy birthday, dude!"

"Great to see you, Lincoln!" Mr. McBride and Harold beamed joyfully.

"Yeah! Happy birthday, Lincoln!" some of the other kids said to me, patting me on the back and giving me congratulative handshakes. These other kids that I happen to know were also good friends of mine and Clyde's. Friends that I knew of since our days back in elementary school and would continue to remain close pals with for the next three decades.

First, there was Liam Hunnicutt, a young farm boy who lived just on the other side of town near Huntington Oakes. He was kind of short for a twelve-year-old, and his orange hair was done up in a Beatles-inspired bowl cut. Though to be fairly honest, it made him look more like Moe Howard from The Three Stooges. But that was just me. He was dressed in a short-sleeved, dark-and-light green checkered shirt and a pair of denim overalls.

"Congrats on the big one-two, partner!" he said in a clear southern drawl.

Standing next to him was Rusty Spokes, whom I had met somewhere around a year ago when he used to be in a bicycle gang. You heard me correctly; he was in a bicycle gang at one point, which to me sounded pretty radical. Rusty was quite a skinny-looking kid and was also a bit awkward. His whole face was covered in freckles, and he had a full head of curly orange hair. He wore a white T-shirt with green sleeves, and it was neatly tucked underneath his acid-washed Levi's.

Coming up in third was Zachary Gurdle—or simply just "Zach" for short. He was a good friend of Rusty's, and he was also a bit of an oddball, given that he and his mom and dad had this weird obsession with all things sci-fi and the existence of alien lifeforms. He wore a pair of glasses, and he had a head of unkempt red hair with a wavy-looking mullet. He was dressed in a white polo shirt, a blue padded down vest, and a pair of denim pants that were cut into knee-length shorts.

And finally, standing in the middle closely between Liam and Rusty was Stella Zhau, a Filipina American girl who also happened to be the only female in our group. Her choice of attire consisted of a pair of high-waist acid-washed jean shorts, white Nike Bruin sneakers, and a white sweatshirt with a large red star on the front. Her skin was tanned, and her lightly permed black hair went down to reach her lower shoulders.

"Happy birthday, Lincoln!" she said to me with a bright smile. As I was just about to say something, Clyde let out a small gasp in surprise. We all turned to see what the problem was, and I frowned when I realized that he was looking straight at Lori who now stood closely behind me. Almost immediately, blood started to ooze out from both his nostrils. Rusty quickly grabbed a large handful of napkins from a nearby table and handed them to him.

"Um, uh, well, hey, L-L-Lori! G-Good to s-see you!" Clyde stuttered a bit, stuffing the tip of one napkin in each nostril. Our oldest sister simply rolled her eyes while the other girls just snickered in amusement.

"Nice to see you too, Clyde," she said, sounding less than pleased to see him. Clyde's glasses-covered eyes shifted from left to right. It was pretty clear on his face that he was trying to think of something rather quickly, just anything that would break the awkwardness. After swallowing down a big lump, he finally opened his mouth to speak.

"Um... Uh... I gotta use the boy's room!" he hastily declared.

And so, all of us watched as Clyde high-tailed it to the men's restroom, which was located just around the left side corner from the food court. Once after he disappeared from view, all of my sisters—except for Lori—burst out in fits of laughter, as did the rest of my other friends. Mr. McBride, being the worry wart that he was, stood up from his seat next to Harold and followed his adopted son over to the men's room. Harold remained in his seat smiling and shaking his head.

"Poor little dude!" Luna said in pity, wiping a single laugh-induced tear from her eye.

"Man, I feel so bad for him," Stella stated.

"With you there on that one," Zach said.

"I like pretty girls as much as the next guy," Rusty muttered. "But at least I'm not pathetically whacko about it."

Liam snickered and nodded his head concurringly.

"Looks like he didn't nose what hit him! Hahaha! Get it?" Luan joked, immediately earning an annoyed groan from us. I just massaged my brows with my left thumb and ring finger and sighed.

"After all that talk back at school," I whispered to Lynn after she had calmed down a little bit. "One of these days, Lynn, he needs to seriously get over himself." My jock for a sister grinned and she nodded her brown-haired head, wordlessly agreeing with me. But then, from the deepest recesses of my mind, a little voice mentally spoke to me in a way that made it sound like it was whispering directly into my ear.

Like you're one to comment about your best friend having a crush on a teenage girl, Lincoln Loud. the voice jibed at me.

As much as I wanted to argue about it, I was both incapable of denying and couldn't help but admit that what it said was more than true. I knew that my family, friends, and myself included would sometimes give Clyde a hard time about it. But it also made me feel guilty knowing my own teenage crush situation was not too different from his. Although, I guess the only argument I could think of was that unlike Clyde, I didn't make my crush known to everybody around me.

Nobody—at least none which I could think of anyway—knew about my crush on Sam.

Not my friends, not my mom or dad, or all of my sisters. Heck, Clyde didn't even know about it himself either. And if he did, I was pretty positive I would never be able to live it down too. How I had managed to keep my feelings a secret for this long since I first met Sam was beyond my understanding. It was even more astounding that nobody caught on to it a long time ago, which was nothing short of a miracle. But sometimes, I would also find the whole thing just a little bit funny whenever I thought about it.

My best friend is in love with my sister, and I'm in love with my sister's best friend. Oh, what bitter irony.

After Clyde and Mr. McBride came back from the men's room a few minutes later, we could finally be able to get my party started. And boy, did Mr. McBride bring over a really special treat. Today, he made for me what I could only describe as possibly the best-looking birthday cake I have ever seen or had in my life. The entire cake was covered up with a smoothed-out layer of reddish orange icing, making it appear like a giant package of Reese's, which Mr. McBride was actually going for.

On the cake's surface, the words, "Happy Birthday, Lincoln!" were written in that classic, yellow-colored cursive Reese's was widely known for. It was such a perfect-looking cake that I could not tell whether it was store-bought or homemade. That was how good Mr. McBride was when it came to making pastry. It was really astonishing how he was able to mimic that style so closely. He truly was without a smidgen of doubt a gifted warrior in the baking arts. Both him and Clyde, his up-and-coming protégé, with Harold following suit.

And finally, sprinkled almost all over the cake were a large number of Reese's Pieces and also a line of twelve small birthday candles. The little flames swayed closely next to each other, like tiny dancers rhythmically swinging their hips in an attractive looking manner. I took my spot in front of the cake, rubbing my hands together in barely controlled anticipation. I could already taste the chocolate and peanut butter inside.

"Well, go ahead and make a wish, sport!" Dad urged me while Mom stood next to him with our family's JVC GR-C1 camcorder in her hands. Without any hesitation, I looked at my cake, closed my eyes, and with so much air that I could suck into my lungs, I blew out all twelve of the glowing birthday candles. The little flames went out instantly until there was nothing left but tiny smoke emanating from the burnt wicks, and everybody clapped their hands jubilantly.

"What did you wish for, dude?" Rusty asked me from his seat.

"Sorry, Rusty," I said to him, shaking my head. "I can't tell you."

"Aw, why not?" Leni asked with a slight whine, wanting very much to hear what it was too.

"Well, if I told you guys," I explained, "then it won't come true." Lucy, sitting next to Lola and Lana from the right side of the table, folded her arms across her chest.

"Lincoln, it's undoubtedly going to come true regardless of you wishing for it or not," my nine-year-old goth for a sister stated in a dreary tone. "So, you might as well tell us right now and get it over with."

"Yeah, Linky! Tell us!" Lola agreed, looking at me with an expectant expression. "Because otherwise, we're all going to keep bugging you about it until you finally say something." I frowned and furrowed my brows at my little sister. I looked around at everybody, trying my best to weigh my options. Upon realizing that it was no use arguing with them, I sighed in defeat.

"Alright, fine," I said, as every person in our group gathered closely around me. "I wished... that this year... would be the best and most unforgettable summer vacation ever in the entire world." There was a small yet awkward pause until Rusty finally opened his mouth to speak.

"That's it?" he questioned with a raised eyebrow. "You couldn't have wished for, maybe, an autograph from a famous baseball player instead?"

"Hey, that's MY wish, Spokes!" Lynn snapped.

"Well, wouldn't you make a wish to have the best summer too?" I asked him.

"He's got a good point there, Rust," Zach said to his best friend. "Though personally, if it were me, I would have wished for actual documented evidence on the existence of alien life."

Knowing you, Zach, I thought, it's not really surprising to hear you say that.

"I think it's a tubular wish, Lincoln," Stella stated, patting me on the shoulder.

"Yeah!" Luna agreed from her spot at the table. "And believe us, we're totally going to make this the most rockin' summer vacation ever this year." And after that was finished, Mr. McBride came over to cut a big slice from one edge of the cake and he handed it to me on a light-blue paper plate and a plastic fork.

Since today was my birthday, it was only right that I would have the first slice. The inside was revealed to be a double-layered chocolate cake with a thick and creamy peanut butter filling. I licked my lips hungerly, my eyes growing big. On the first bite from my plastic fork, it practically melted on top of my tongue, the flavors of the chocolate and peanut butter perfectly blending around each other.

It's as if I'm at a waterpark but inside my mouth, I thought. Truly, an amazing job well done, Mr. McBride. It made me wonder at times why he and Dad didn't get together and create a cooking show a long time ago. The two of them would have made an outrageous team. Once after everybody else had their own fill or two of this exquisitely delectable creation, we finally moved on over to my most favorite part of all longtime birthday traditions, opening the presents—Finally...!

They were all laid out in front of me on the table. Each gift was covered in decoratively colorful wrapping paper along with a little bag or two. And there was also quite a pretty big one that was close to the center of the surrounding presents. I had a pretty good idea of what that was, and I mentally prayed that it was exactly what I thought it was.

"You gonna pick one already or just stare all day?" Lynn said almost impatiently. With that, I reached over and grabbed the big one. I could feel the excitement growing in each and every bone in my skinny little body. Wasting no more time, I tore open the wrapping paper as fast as I could, basically leaving a bit of a mess on the table. What I now saw right in front of me practically made my white-haired head explode into confetti.

"No way," I muttered, my complete body trembling with ecstasy. "You guys didn't!"

Oh, but they did. And it was one of the best things to have ever happened to me. What I had gotten for my twelfth birthday was none other than the legendary Nintendo Entertainment System—or just simply and more famously known as the "NES" for short. It was the big daddy of all video game consoles itself. No doubt about it whatsoever. I wanted so badly to scream like a little girl. Remember when I said that I felt like I hit the jackpot with the ice cream truck the other day?

Forget what I said about that. In comparison, I was just given the Holy Grail itself.

On the flat surface of the box was a picture of the NES console itself, or the control deck as it was originally called, with two controllers displayed next to it. My sisters then passed a single gift bag over to my location from one side of the table. When I looked inside, it became an even bigger surprise. Inside the gift bag were four physical copies of Super Mario Bros., Wrecking Crew, Duck Hunt, and Donkey Kong. The bag even came with the NES Zapper gun at the bottom.

I am going to spend so many hours on this thing! I thought eagerly.

The next gift bag that came afterward almost gave me the same level of excitement; it was from Luan. She got me a new VHS copy of Pee-wee's Big Adventure. I cannot explain in great detail just how much I loved this movie. In that moment, many fond memories instantly came flooding through my brain, making me remember the days and nights whenever I had the chance to sit down and watch it in the living room while eating a giant bowl of Mr. T cereal.

Sadly, no matter how many times I watched this movie, I would cover my eyes whenever Large Marge herself appeared. Particularly at the part where she made that scary face. Every. Single. Time. Two years earlier, when I was only ten, the last copy of the movie we owned got destroyed, eaten by our badly aging VCR player, damaging the inner reels. I cried to sleep that night, believing I was never going to watch Pee-wee go on his big adventure in finding his red bicycle ever again. It was also the day we all decided we were going to save up money and buy ourselves a new VCR player.

Next was a brand-new Magic 8 Ball from Lucy. I said "new" because the last one I had got destroyed when I was seven. How did that happen, you ask? Well, I threw a pretty nasty temper tantrum—I don't quite remember what for exactly. Mom, Dad, and the girls claim to this very day that it was because I wanted to go to Toys "R" Us and was told no. So, in rage-induced defiance, I chucked the little ball with all my strength, smashing it against the wall, dark blue liquid spilling almost everywhere on the living room carpet. I remember getting grounded for half a week afterward.

A big mistake I will never repeat again... Before I could move on to the next present, Luan suddenly spoke up from her spot at the table, a wicked grin on her face.

"Hey, Lori!" she said, a blatant tone of mischief in her voice. "When this is all over, do you think we should give Lincoln his twelve birthday spankings?" Immediately, my heart pounded intensely in my chest like a drum, the feeling of dread sweeping over me. Intuitively, I covered my rear with both my hands on my chair. I knew from the back of my head that Luan was only messing around like the practical jokester that she was, but it still did not stop me from feeling absurdly afraid of the possibility.

Knowing just how committed she was to her craft in the art of trickery, we didn't know at times whether she was being serious or was messing with our heads. Regardless, there was no way on this earth that I was going to take that chance and give her the satisfaction of getting a good laugh from my misery. I mentally thanked God that Sam was not here to see me about to endure such a humiliating situation. I stealthily eased my butt over to the side of my chair, ready to high-tail it to the boy's room.

"Hmmm..." Lori muttered from her own spot at the table, rubbing her chin in thought. "I think I've got a much better idea, Luan," I raised a confused eyebrow as our older sister got up from her chair and sauntered over to my location, a big mischievous-looking smile spreading across her face. A smile that appeared to be on the same level as Luan's. It was at this very moment that I started to sense a grave disturbance in the Force.

I have a bad feeling about this...

"I think… the ten of us should give our dear brother twelve birthday kisses instead." she proclaimed. "What do you say to that, girls?" All the faces of my sisters gleamed when Lori said that while Lily giggled happily in her highchair, very eager about the idea as well. To me, she kind of sounded maniacal. Upon hearing my older sister's entire spoken sentence, I was filled with even more dread than ever before, and my lower jaw felt like it was now going to fall off from my head.

On second thought, I would rather take my chances with the spankings.

"I think that's a very bodacious idea there, sis," Luna agreed, turning to face me with a smile that carried the same level of mischief as Lori's.

"Ooohhh... I totally like that even more!" Leni cooed before taking Lily out from her highchair. Eventually, all ten of the girls started to make the exact same expression with the exact same thought bubbling inside each of their twisted minds.

"Kissy, kissy, kissy!" Lily blurted out enthusiastically while clapping her little hands together.

"Whoa, w-w-wait for just a second, girls!" I stammered nervously, my face blushing red as a tomato. "Why don't we talk this over f-first?"

"It's far too late for that, Stinkoln." Lynn said, chuckling evilly. "You ain't talking your way out of this one" I sat there in my seat as the closer they all got to me, the more my breathing became labored and terror-induced sweat started to manifest all over my forehead. I gulped down a big lump that got stuck in my throat.

"G-Girls, come on!" I pleaded desperately. "I-Is this really necessary?"

"I do not know about you, big brother," Lisa spoke up, readjusting her glasses. "But if you were to ask me, I do strongly believe that this moment is indeed necessary. And I will admit that the idea of such tomfoolery does give me an immense level of amusement." I could not believe what I had just heard my little sister say to me. Even Lisa, the little brainiac of the family, actually wanted to get in on the action too. This had to be a dream.

"B-B-But everybody will be watching us!" I tried again. Sadly, much to my further despair, my words continued to fall on deaf ears.

"Oh, big deal." Lola said, inching closer to my right, having just put on her favorite brand of red lipstick. "At least they'll get quite the show out of it."

"Oh, they sure will." Lori agreed, standing above me. "So, you might as well just pucker up and take it like a man, little brother." This was not how I imagined my birthday would go. At this point, I had become so scared stiff that I practically froze like a statue right there on the spot in my chair, unable to move while my sisters closed in on me. My door of escape was slammed shut in my face, and I was now trapped.

The only words that I managed to say was a very meek sounding, "Help..." With a resounding, "DOGPILE!" from Lana, every one of my sisters pounced on me all at the same time, causing my whole world to disappear in a haze, and they showered me with a seemingly never-ending torrent of sisterly love. They planted kisses almost everywhere on my face, all over my forehead and a few on my nose and both my cheeks. All ten of them showed no signs of mercy whatsoever.

I'd be lying if I said their kisses didn't make me feel pretty ticklish—which they did. I was virtually on the floor giggling like a psychopath while desperately begging for them to stop and give me some breathing space. As this was all going on, Mom and Dad, as well as Harold and Mr. McBride and also my friends, stood by laughing almost hysterically at my misfortune. Mom had to set the camcorder down on the table because she was laughing the hardest out of everybody.

After what felt like an eternity, the girls FINALLY stopped with their kissing rampage and backed up to allow me some space. I struggled to climb back up onto my seat, almost dazed out of my mind, my white hair now a mess, and my face now covered in red kiss marks. All my sisters stood by while they giggled entertainingly at their new handiwork. Clyde and Zach gave me pats on the back, congratulating me for having survived such an outrageous tornado of sisterly love.

Rusty, however, had his arms folded across his chest with a jealous-looking smile on his freckled face.

"And now, for the finishing touch," Leni declared. Still holding Lily in her hands, she held our two-year-old baby sister out in front of me until she was now inches away from my now decorated face. And with that, Lily gave me a tiny peck on the tip of my nose, causing everybody to let out a clear and audible, "Awww..."

"How do you feel, sweetheart?" Mom asked with an added giggle, holding the camcorder in her hands again. I struggled to look up at her, my senses still pretty dazed from what had just occurred.

"S-Speechless, Mom..." I managed to say. "Just a-absolutely speechless...!" All ten girls giggled impishly one last time in response.

Lori stood behind me once more and gently ruffled my white hair, before planting one final kiss on the top of my head.

"Happy birthday, Lincoln."