Season Finale: I Am Undeserving.

You know, when people ask you where you think you'll be in five years' time, often you'd give a realistic answer, or a hopeful one. Like saying you'd be in a manager's position at work or have finally paid off some deposit or something along those lines. And how many times do you look back at the moments you've answered those questions and realise just how wrong you were? In my case, I'd like to think I had a good handle on things. It only took five years to see just how wrong I was.

Back then, I was the princess of crime. I could get just about anything I so desired, but I already had everything I wanted. All I needed was good food, good entertainment, and a good person to share it with. I never really cared about the things which truly mattered, because I didn't see their value. In short, I was selfish. But I don't blame myself for that way of thinking. As it so happens, looking after yourself is the first step in helping others, except I was only caring for one person aside from myself. The person who meant more to me than anyone. He was my safety in a world where everyone was a critic. It was about five years ago, as we were journeying in the cockpit of our latest heist, that he asked me that question.

'So, kid. Where do you think you'll be in five years' time?'

I didn't think much about it, back then. Just another small talk question to break the monotonous sound of engine throttle. I just answered: 'Anywhere you go, I'll be there with you.' He just chuckled and ruffled my hair, before planting his hat atop my head, before making a silly comment about how he could never ask for a better partner in crime. I joked that he'd make a great uncle figure for the future generations of Neos, but he seemed to be elated by the prospect. In a sense, I was correct in my guess, but I just wished that the Brothers took my wish more literally, instead of monkey's pawing me. Maybe it was just me reaping what I sowed.

A little more than two years after those blissful days marked the start of when things began to go wrong. It was just another job which would put us in the good graces of a powerful noble, I thought. A lot of fun jobs, from grand theft auto, to infiltrating a Huntsman Academy. I thought that group was just full of themselves when they spoke so flagrantly about their schemes and conquests. But as things went on, I began having my reservations about helping this group. I had expressed my scepticism with Roman, and he said he felt the same, but his hands were tied. Unfortunately, things only got worse from there.

Even now, I still get nightmares from those days. It drifts into my mind just about any time I freefall with Hush and invades my sleep with memories of Grimm-filled skies. The day in which, for the first time in years, I was alone.

I'm not going to gloss over the awful things I had done. I've killed a lot of people. Both through directly slaughtering them with my own hands, to inadvertent manslaughter. I'd done those things before, sure, but not on that kind of scale. I had previously felt so alive when fighting. It was one thing which I felt confident that I could do well. The rush of blood on my hands was something which fuelled me, even if it didn't come out so easily. But after those days, I just felt nothing. There was no joy in what I did anymore. Every theft, every kill, every night of restless sleep was all in the name of killing the person who took everything from me. I suppose I thought that by killing that person, I'd be made whole again. Maybe I never really grew up at all. It was idiotic to think that the erasure of someone could bring back another. But… I was bitter, and I had nothing left to lose anymore.

I had travelled to the ends of Remnant in my pursuit. Spent everything I had, and stole anything I could get my hands on to make the difference. I had planned to kill Cinder for her part in Roman's death, only to find that even she was out of my reach. Every day I was with her, I contemplated spiking her food, smothering her in her sleep, or just running her through from behind. It pains me to admit to myself, but I was a coward and a fool. Just someone who never grew up, and thought life was a game. Someone who just took what they wanted and never earned anything.

I got what I deserved when I finally had my revenge against Ruby. All those awful things had come back to haunt me. In that moment, upon that chair, I realised the futility of it all. I was living in a fantasy land where I thought myself above consequence. All that had mattered to me was my own selfish pride and arrogance. All I wrought on the world was misery and pain. How many corpses laid in my wake? How many other people had I denied of their one thing in the pursuit of just another trinket, or the dead-end which my vengeance amounted to?

It should have been me who drank from that cup.

Not her.

She was, in hindsight, the person who I envied most. Surrounded by friends, doing the very things which I was too much of a coward to do, and leaving a positive impact on the world behind her. Sure, I thought her to be naïve. Too optimistic. But she was a child. Still is one. She still has much to learn. And yet… she's still the one brave enough to stand and take the weight of the world on her shoulders. Where was my courage to do that? I was just a leaf, blowing in the wind, next to her.

I hated her for taking everything from me and personifying the person which I was too scared to be.

So, when I say that I was right when I declared I'd be with Roman in five years' time, it's because I should have been right. Because my trip had been one-way from the start.

…Or so I had thought.

Despite everything I had done, I was given another chance. One which I never thought I could ever deserve. How could I possibly do so, given the gravity of the terrible things I had done? There was no catch. No cost. No explanation given as to why. Part of me had wanted to turn it down and accept whatever fire and brimstone awaited a wretched soul such as I, because that was what I truly did deserve. And yet, I endeavoured to make the most of this chance. To be the very person I had always been envious of. Turns out, that was the best and worst choice of my entire life.

Why? Because it led me to this moment. Throughout my short stay at Beacon, I'd made some unlikely friends in even less likely situations. I had thought they'd hate me if they knew the truth about my circumstances… but I was paradoxically enraged and pleasantly surprised to find that they already knew before they came to my rescue. If Oberon hadn't taken a bullet saving the day, I probably would've strangled him for breaching the sanctity of a girl's diary. I would have liked to say that I did a good job of hiding that thing, but clearly, I was wrong. I guess that just proved how much they cared about me. Me! A combat-obsessed, lifeless doll of a person with the personality of a spoiled child. Even I would struggle to get along with me! And that's definitely unrelated to the particularly frustrated younger me which I laid out flat and hogtied. Thank the Brothers that this version of me also doesn't have vocals, else she'd be cussing like a sailor. At least Roman was smart enough to take the time to read my words, even though I could tell that he wasn't really interested in my proposal. I can't blame him, honestly. Were I in his shoes, I doubt I could take anything seriously at all. I just hope he softens up a little bit. After all… he does care about Neo. And I happen to be one of those.

What was I proposing, exactly? Well… it was more like blackmail. I knew how that man operated, and just relying on 'please's and 'thank you's wouldn't work. I simply explained that I wanted their help setting Cinder's plans ablaze and, if they didn't help, I'd unfortunately have no choice but to hand them over to Ironwood. Thing is, I was actually bluffing. Twofold, actually. Firstly, I had no actual means of protecting them from the military except just dooming them to Salem by not intervening. I was kinda hoping I could pull a few strings, but in all likelihood, he'd just arrest all three of us if he thought he could get away with it. Secondly, even if he declined, I couldn't bear to see Roman meet his fate. Aaaaaaaand I've no idea if keeping this Neo alive was also somehow connected to my own vitality. I was half anticipating that I'd be erased from existence, because that's how sci-fi dramas typically go when time travel is involved.

He said he'd consider my proposal, which is Roman talk for 'I'd rather be nailed to a rock and hurled a thousand feet in the air via medieval siege equipment.' Still. I just hope he'll actually think about it. I don't want to force him into a decision, else he'd be inclined to rebel against it more.

When negotiations were done, I walked back into the passenger deck and couldn't help but smile at all those goofballs celebrating a well-earned victory. They really ran themselves ragged to bring me home, and I couldn't be more thankful. But therein lies the problem. This was all my fault, and nobody seems to care about that fact. They're too busy celebrating the fact that I'm back, like I was the second coming of a deity. I'm just one person. Sure, a rather strong combatant with a bit more insight into the world than most people, but now that they have read my journal, I'm just extra baggage. Or at least I'm sure that's how the adults will see it.

Oberon was quizzing Rylee on her vulpine appearance. Weiss was lecturing Ruby about how much she worried about her, but ended up forgiving her when she pulled out the puppy eyes. Blake and Yang were sat nearby, smiling to each other and discussing the frightful journey of reclamation and revenge. The black cat lamented that she wasn't there to deal with Adam, but Yang reassured her that she did a great job dealing with Roman. Pyrrha and Thea were complimenting each other's battle styles and… romance, I think. Wait, that's not quite right. Thea was asking for advice regarding asking someone out. Unfortunately, I think she picked the wrong person, since that redhead still hasn't confessed her own feelings for a certain blonde who was doing his best not to upchuck his innards into a paper bag he was clutching as if it owed him money. Good thing I'm not like that. I wonder who she's got the hots for. Probably Oberon, were I to guess.

We'll be arriving back at Beacon soon. I didn't really think this far ahead, honestly. Guess it was time to come clean about everything and have a proper discussion regarding the future. I stepped into the centre of the room and clapped my hands to demand attention. Eyes swivelled my way, and I crack my knuckles, and switch on the translation device.

"Here for round two for reading the Prognosticus?" Oberon enquired, not seeming to mind the couple of bruises he was already sporting across his ripped sleeves – which he'd used to dress his bullet wound.
'Stop calling it that. And no. I want to talk to you all about some important stuff.' I take a deep sigh and move on quickly. 'Fact is… I don't know if I can stay at Beacon. I've already caused so much trouble for you all, and things are going to become even worse as soon as we touch down.'

Eyes continued to stare at me, though there was naught but silence aside from the howling wind and intensity of the engines. I take another deep breath and continue.

'I am sure you have mixed feelings regarding Roman and… the other me. I've no doubt some of you would love to gouge their eyes out and rip out their intestines, but I'm afraid I cannot let you. I have already lost that man once… and lost myself several times. I want to save them, and I want you to let me try. If that means I must stand against James, or Ozpin, or Cinder, then I will. You're all still young, with bright futures ahead of you. The path I walk will be fraught with danger on all sides, and I do not intend to become a burden to you. And so… when we disembark, I will try to negotiate with Ozpin. If things go poorly, I'll flee Vale with them and try to take down Cinder's plans. By myself if I have to. You should not have to concern yourselves with this, and I don't intend to make you.'

"Hold it, Neo." Oberon interjected. "You don't honestly think we were just going to sit down and let you take the world on by yourself, did you? You know us better than that."
"Yeah!" Thea added, "I'm with you, Neo. I want to fight at your side against whatever stands to oppose us."
"Don't count me out, you three." Rylee sneered. "Wouldn't be a team if I wasn't there with you. If anything, a road fraught with danger and monsters sounds right up my alley."

I raised my hands to insist, but I was stopped before I could sign even a single word.

"I'm with you, too. If the adults are against you, then they're part of the problem! I want to make the world a better place, and I can't do that by waiting around until I'm old." Ruby smiled.
"As much as I would like to kick the snot out of your lookalike for kidnapping my sister, I think you'd do a better job than I could." Yang smirked, cracking her knuckles.

She did wha-!?

"The White Fang's my business, too." Blake announced. "I'd fight that war myself if I had to, but I'm glad to see I'm in good hands."
"And I've got future assets to protect!" Weiss smirked, much to the cat's irritation. "I'm just joking. In truth, with me on your side, Ironwood will have to think twice about making any rash decisions."

My brow furrowed. Are these people so insistent on swimming through stressful environments and risking their necks for everyone? No wonder they came all this way to save my bacon.

"I think you've got your answer, Neo. Friends look after friends, and I don't intend to lose you a second time. Especially not after just getting you back." Pyrrha grinned, patting Jaune on the back.

I'm sure Jaune would have said something similarly inspiring, considering how he was nodding, but it was probably for the best that he kept quiet, else he risked making a mess. I just sighed.

'Guess I can't convince you. Fine, but you chose this, so don't come crying to me when it all goes tits-up!' I snickered for a moment. 'I honestly couldn't tell you my plans, because I don't really have any. Mind's still a bit on the scrambled side. But I want to let you know, that I appreciate each and every one of you. Since my problems are your problems now, your problems are also my problems. We'll conquer our fears together. Sound good? Good, because it's non-negotiable. Now, let's have a brief celebration before everything inevitably goes wrong when we land!'

With a snap of my fingers, the entire interior of the passenger deck became a delightful tea party room, with lights and treats on display. It was much like that time Ruby and I had a little date in the janitor's closet, way way back when. Speaking of… there was something I'd been meaning to discuss. I sat down next to her, unsurprised that she'd immediately snatched a plate of cookies and was devouring them like a certain maze-navigating arcade character.

I simply passed her a newly materialising piece of paper, which she raised her eyebrows at, and then began holding to the light, as if it contained a hidden message.

"What's this?" She asked, curiously. Naturally, I demonstrated what it did by making the answer appear on the paper she was holding.
'I wanted to talk. You and me. There's something I've been wanting to get off of my chest.'

Those silver eyes stared through me, as if she was beginning to understand the gravity of what it was that I was about to say. Or, well, dictate.

'Do you remember our first meeting, in the closet?' I asked her. She simply nodded in response, surprisingly solemn. 'Did you find out what it was I apologised for?' This time, she shook her head. I had partially hoped she'd already found out… if only so I wouldn't have to tell her.

Drawing a deep breath, I summoned my strength.

'In my previous timeline, during a mission which ultimately caused the fall of Beacon Academy and the destruction of Vale, you fought against Roman and I, atop an Atlesian airship. We had defeated you rather soundly, as you hung off the side of the airship, clutching your scythe. Before we sent you plummeting to your doom over Grimm-infested skies, you reached up and opened Hush, causing me to get sent flying off the ship. From there, you were able to defeat Torchwick and save the day.'

Ruby remained silent, staring at me as if she was starting to see where I may have been going. After I was confident that she'd read it, I erased the words and replaced them with new ones.

'For two years, I hunted you. I hated you. You had taken everything from me. And, eventually, I succeeded in having my revenge. In your last moments, I made you regret everything, such that you took your own life. I had expected bliss in my revenge. But I just felt hollow. I had lost everything and gained nothing but guilt from killing you. Fortunately, we were both given second chances at life. You stayed where you belonged, but I had nothing to gain by staying, so I sought to start over.'

"…I don't know what to say, Neo. But… that Ruby isn't me. You don't have to apologise for that." She began, but I shook my head.
'You deserve to know.' I flatly added. 'You deserve to know that I was – and probably still am – a horrible person. A murderer who relished in the thought of killing you.' I placed my hand on Ruby's shoulder and forced a smile as pleasant as I could muster, but I probably only came off as creepy. 'It wasn't just because you killed Roman, that I hated you. It was because I was jealous of you.'
"…Jealous? Of me? Why?" She stammered, probably quite overwhelmed from the tone of the conversation.
'You had everything that I wanted. Friends, family, talent… And the courage to stand on your own two feet and face the world. I thought you were naïve, but I was just coping with myself. I was selfish – you were selfless. That's all there was to it. I'm sorry I didn't tell you all this sooner, but…'
"It's alright, Neo." She smiled. As carefree as ever. "You were in a bad place. You made some bad decisions. You've already made great strides towards a better future. And we'll make that future. Together."
'Together.'

It was a pleasant moment between the two of us. One which I wished lasted longer. It was one of acceptance. One of moving past prior grudges. One of self-improvement and acknowledgment of flaws. It felt like a great weight had been lifted from my chest. Like I could bear the weight of my burdens once more. The problem, now shared, pressed lightly against my shoulders, instead of crushing me under the weight of responsibility.

I looked around once more, across the room of my classmates, amongst my teammates, amongst my friends. Young men and women, prepared to fight against unwinnable odds, so long as they were with me. It was now that I realised. I am undeserving of such loyalty. Undeserving of such companionship. Undeserving of such love. But… I'm certain that one day, I will be worthy to be the person they think I am. And I cannot wait for that day to finally come.

Writer's Note:

First of all, I wanted to thank each and every one of you for reading this absolute dumpster fire. You've all been patient enough to see this story through to its end, and you've been very supportive. As much as I'd like to pretend that I had this entire story planned out from start to finish, the truth is that I only had an idea when I started writing. It was with the help of the community that I was able to craft such a narrative. It is currently the longest continuous prose which I have written at the time of uploading this. Just shy of 150,000 words. It's not a lot, compared to many other stories, but it dwarfed my previous completed story, which was less than 75,000. All in all, I more than doubled my previous story's length. (Don't ask me for it; it's awful.) Now, as proud as I am with this series, it was far from perfect in my eyes. I really liked the quirky narrative which gave soul to the story at the beginning. And whilst it was designed to fade over time as Neo became more responsible and emotionally mature, I kinda wish I kept with it. Whilst that was the main thing I wish I did differently, another thing which I disliked was how there was so much exposition and explanation needed to make ends meet. Almost every other chapter had some kind of group meeting or long, rambling dialogue, which I felt detracted from the whole. However, I recognise that I am not perfect. I'm a rusty writer who's barely picked up a pen since graduating college. As such, I think I did alright.

Now then, going forwards, you might be curious as to what plans I have. And to that, I must confess I don't have any. Maybe I'll write a second season. Maybe I'll write something else. Maybe I'll write nothing at all. I could imagine writing something about FNAF, or Monster Hunter, or Pokémon, or D&D. I'll just see where mood and inspiration strikes. Until then, I look forward to hearing from you all. Thanks again for reading. You've been a wonderful audience.