Mabel: [holding a pan over the stove] Come on, stovie, pop that corn! [popcorn bag grows enormously huge]Get ready, Waddles. [trips over Waddles, landing in the chair] Incoming! [popcorn bag explodes everywhere]
Waddles: Oink. [popcorn ricochets everywhere and piles up to Mabel's waist]
Mabel: Popcorn is served! [eats a piece of popcorn and watches the TV]
TV announcer: We will return to "Ducktective" after these messages.
Commercial announcer: Are you boring?
Charlie: Yes, yes I am.
Commercial announcer: When friends describe you, do they use words like... [words appear as they are being said]"dull!" or "drab!?"
Charlie: [laughs] Don't forget "platitudinous." [word appears over his head. A mystical head floats beside Charlie]
Commercial announcer: Yes, that too, Charlie. But what if I told you that you can change all that with the magic of... magic! [turns Charlie into a magician]
Charlie: [laughs] I look like some kind of magician. Now people won't ignore me.
Commercial announcer: Let's hope not, Charlie. With my "Mister Magic Magical Magic Kit," even you can impress and amaze your friends and family.
Mabel: [holds on to the TV] I want to impress and amaze my friends!
Commercial announcer: Just send $19.95 to me, Mister Magic. [Mabel puts an envelope into the mail slot, then takes the post office mail can and stuffs it in 'Outgoing Mail' 1 to 2 week later the mailman came with Mabel's magic kit and herself.]
Mailman: One magic kit and another one of these crazy girl things. [stuffs both into Stan's mailbox then drives off]
Mabel: [gets out of her Grunkle mailbox and rips the packaging off the box that came in the mail] Here it is: Mister Magic's Magical Magic Kit. [opens the box and gasps] Look at all this! A book of spells, my very own wand of whimsy, the beard of Rasputin, and, of course, the all-important license to practice magic. [notices Stan to the side slurping a drink] Grunkle Stan! He'll appreciate my newly delivered skill.
Mabel: Grunkle Stan look I got in the mail today.
Stan: You got yourself a new dolls.
Mabel: No, it my Mister Magic Magical Magic Kit.
Stan: Wait Mister Magic what?
Mabel: Well, let the rotting continue, grunkle, while I impress and amaze you with...magic!
Stan: Magic? Can you make yourself disappear kid?
Mabel: [laughs] Silly Stan. I won't learn vanishing spells until I become a level 10 wizard. No, I better start with something simpler. [gets out a deck of cards] Say card conjuring. Here, hold this simple, playing card while I transform it into a magic playing card before your very eyes. Let's see... [reads his book of spells] step 1...
Stan: [sighs] This can't possibly end soon. [Stan see the tourist bus]
Mabel: Which brings us to... step three. Juggle something. Well, if you insist, Mister Magic. [juggles the three balls in and out of his holes on her body]
Stan: Look kid, I have a tourist to go to have fun with you magic kit maybe trying on your brother. (Stan leave for the tourist.)
Mabel: Then take one card and shove it in your ear. [does so. A car drives by with Hank in the driver's seat and his son in the passenger seat bawling]
Hank son: But I don't like pistachio!
Hank: Then why did you ask for it? [drives into a bump, which causes the ice cream to fly out the car and into Stan's lawn chair. Hank son briefly stops crying and then starts crying loudly again] [The pistachio ice cream cone lands in Stan's sunbathing chair]
Mabel: And finally, say the words "Hobris-Pobris." [gasps] Grunkle Stan! My simple card-trick has turned you into an ice cream cone. Which means... I am a level ten wizard! I suppose I should change you back to Stan form. [looks at his book of spells]Presto! [nothing happens] Uh, let's see. Umm... A-ha! Alakazam! [gasps] Abracadabra. [gasps] Okilee-dokilee. Hobra-cobra. Oh! Open sesame. Change-o back-o to Stan-o, please-o? Oh, I am so sorry, Stan. [sniffs, tears up] I've transformed you into a delicious dairy dessert and I can't change you back! There, there, Grunkle Stan. There is no need to cry. I promise you will continue your normal life despite the fact that you are now edible. [Cut to "The Movie theater" where SpongeBob and Stan, as an ice cream cone, are watching a movie. Ice cream cone tilts over into Mabel's arm and makes her smile. Cut to Mabel reading Stan a story. Cut to the beach where Mabel and Stan are lying on a towel trying to get a tan. Mabel looks over and notices the ice cream cone that is melting from the sun]
Mabel: Whoa-oh! [the sunglasses fall off of the ice cream, Mabel couldn't open the ice until a Lee, who is trying to catch a Frisbee, slips in the ice cream cone. Mabel screams, then runs over to Stan] Grunkle Stan! Speak to me! Speak! [breathes heavily as he runs to the shack and puts the cone in the freezer]Hey, Stan, are you okay? [closes freezer door then reopens it] Hey, Stan, are you still okay? [winks, then closes door, reopens it again screaming then laughing] Hey, Grunkle Stan, I got something for ya! Someone to keep you company in that drab ol' freezer. [set a pink ice cream cone next to Stan] Oh, aren't they cute? I promise to stand by as an eternal guard over my Grunkle.
Soos: Hi, Mabel, whatcha doing?
Mabel: I have turned poor Stan into a frozen dessert. Dipper: Wait what?
Stan: That's awful. How tragic. Poor Mr. Pines.
Dipper: Mabel are you sure, you turn Stan into a ice cream?
Mabel: Yes I did I was showing Stan my magic kit than I turn Stan into an ice cream corn. It's all my fault.
Soos: Did you say frozen dessert? [takes the green ice cream cone out of the freezer]
Mabel: Yeah. I turned him into a tasty soft-serve with a waffle cone. [cries]
Dipper: It's okay Mabel we figured it the way to turn Stan back.
Soos: Oh...soft serve. [licks ice cream cone]
Mabel: [yells as he points to the ice cream] Soos! Stop eating Stan!
Soos: Oh, sorry dude. [licks it a few more times]
Mabel: Soos! [Soos licks it again] Soos...!
Soos: [frantically] But he's so tasty! [licks it more faster. Mabel screams, then she snatches the cone away from Soos]
Mabel: Look, Soos! Don't you understand!? [calmly] This isn't just your ordinary ice cream cone.
Soos: It's pistachio.
Mabel: [frustrated] No! It's Stan! [ice cream begins to melt as Mabel is unaware] And no matter what happens, I promised him that I would watch over him to ensure his soft, frozen life is unchanged.
Dipper: Uh Mabel! [Soos is licking the melted ice cream off the floor. Mabel screams again, believing that her grunkle was deceased.]
Mabel: Dipper! Soos! Stan has melted! Quick, call the police. What am I going to do?! Oh, God, it's all my fault! What have I done?! What have I done?! [screams and hits herself in the face with the magic kit each time] It's all your fault! [throws the magic kit on the ground and stomps on it] Curse you, Mister Magic's Magical Magic Kit! Curse you! Hey, that's it! That's the answer to our problems!
Soos: [examines the torn box] Warning: From ages 9 to 99.
Mabel: No, Soos, the one mystic being that can help us: Mister Magic! [cut to Dipper, Mabel and Soos walking down a brown tileroad] Just follow the brown-tiled road to the most mysterious mystic of them all! No one's ever seen him in person.
Deep male voice: Enter! [Dipper, Mabel and Soos walk up to a floating hat] Who dares to see Mister Magic?! [Dipper, Mabel and Soos are screaming] Speak up!
Mabel: It is I, Mabel of the Pines, Magician Level 1. And I have turned my grunkle into ice cream. [he shows him the cone floating in the melted green goo inside a jar, which is his "deceased grunkle"]
Mister Magic: [proudly] Good job.
Mabel: Well, thank you, but well, I can't change him back.
Mister Magic: Hmmm, um, well, have you ever thought of a different hobby?
Mabel: I need your help to change him back.
Mister Magic: My help? [sheepishly] Uh, no thank you.
Mabel: [still concerned] But if you don't, my grunkle will be a cone forever.
Dipper: Can you try to change him back.
Mister Magic: Sorry, I... umm... I'm out to lunch, that's it.
Mabel: I'll wait.
Mister Magic: I'm on a two-year lunch.
Mabel: [still showing the jar] Oh, please.
Dipper: How can he have a two-year lunch.
Mister Magic: Silence! [Soos notices something near the wall and walks to it]
Mabel: But, sir, no one else has your power of sorcery. [Soos opens the curtain to reveal someone behind it making Mister Magic talk]
Mister Magic: Thank... you.
Soos: Hey, Dude, there's a guy over here talking into a tubey thing.
Horace: Uhh, ignore your friend. The man you see is only an illusion.
Mister Magic: [simultaneously with Horace] Uhh, ignore your friend. The man you see is only an illusion.
Soos: Why's he saying the same thing Mister Magic's saying?
Mabel: I don't know, Soos. Who are you, good sir?
Horace: Well, I... uh... I'm Horace B. Magic.
Mabel: Are you Mister Magic?
Horace: [chuckles] Technically, yes. But the only magic around here is the magic of business. [shows a bunch of dollar bills]
Mabel: Does that mean you can't change my grunkle back?
Horace: [chuckles] I'm, I'm afraid not. So sorry about that, laddie. Your refund check is in the mail.
Mabel: I don't need a refund, I want my grunkle back! This isn't about money. You're nothing but a fake-just a lying, corporate businessman, tainting the purity of magic with your corrupt commercial ways! [her eyes tear up] You have ruined my faith in the magical arts. [screaming, crying]
Horace: [frowns] Security. [Dipper, Mabel and Soos are booted out. Back at the Mystery Shack to both of them by Stan's lawn chair with Mabel still crying over the "funeral" held for "Stan"]
Mabel: [tears roll down his cheeks] What are we going to do about Grunkle Stan?
Soos: We could always eat him. I'm kind of hungry. [stomach growls]
Mabel: Mister Magic was a fake and all his magic stuff is fake! All those magic words, they were fake. Yacky, shmacky, bappy, dappy, doppy, blabby, flabby, murkery, fool, magic of bloob-jiggacacies!... [continues to speak gibberish as the golf cart drives up and Stan steps off, grinning in a friendly manner. He walks over to the lawn chair with the jar and the melted green ice cream, much to his disgust]
Stan: Ew. [throws the jar with the cone in it away. The jar breaks] What are you doing, Kid?
Mabel: [stops crying] Grunkle Stan! You're back. The magic words worked. [puts on his magician hat] Dipper: Mabel I don't think Stan Mabel: I really am magical after all. Can I turn you into something else, now?
Stan: Sorry Kid I have to help the tourists with the merchandises! (Stan ran off)
Soos: [stomach growls] Hey, Mabel? I'm still hungry. Can you turn me into a jar of mayonnaise so I can eat myself?
Mabel: Sure, Soos. Soos-a mayonnaise-ica! [Soos is now a giant jar of mayonnaise. The jar sparkles
Dipper: Your gonna change him back right!
Mabel: Yes right after he eat himself first.