The penguin didn't get much sleep. He was too upset. He might've managed to snag one, or maybe two hours near the end of the night, but he wasn't sure. As soon as the sunrise's glow crept into his window, he knew it was the dawn of the final day, and there was no point dragging this out any further.
Once again, I'm losin' him, and once again, it's my fault. If I can't even keep a friend, what chance do I have at a task as large as this training journey?
I could beg him to let me stay…
No, have some damn pride, you lummox… he wants you gone. Do you want to be around somebody who doesn't care about you? Who'd ditch you at the drop of a hat? Remember when he left Dream Land without making any plans, and then blamed me?
Once he drops me off at the island, I'll find a way to get home – maybe the Yoshis have a spacecraft – and I'll give up this venture. Give my invitation to somebody else who deserves it more.
The penguin rubbed his forehead, realizing something.
But how can I show my face back home, after making such a big deal about leaving to train? I can't go back there either.
I guess I'm homeless, then. At least fer now. Maybe the sting of defeat will be easier to bear with time, and one day I can come back to Pop Star. Perhaps make up some lie about losing my invite, or getting disqualified.
Dedede sat up, his skull throbbing.
Regardless… It's time to go.
In the next room over, the Koopa King had been suffering a similar bout of insomnia, flowing in and out of slumber erratically. Realizing the time was nigh, he shoved his face into the pillow, hoping to delay the inevitable.
That's it. Once I leave this room, it'll be the last time I ever see that goofy penguin. This is for the best. I can't be catchin' feelings for him. It'll never, ever work in a million years, and I'll destroy my pride and my reputation if I even try to act on it. If not, I'll still be followin' him around like a lost puppy, wondering what-ifs, constantly in doubt… That'll wear on our friendship too.
Bowser sighed into his pillow.
He is so perfect. So kind, so gentle, so sweet and pure. Like a bright sunrise after a night of dread. He shouldn't be around me, a fuck-up who can't even conquer the Mushroom Kingdom properly, who can't convince Peach to marry him – or even be friends, she fuckin' hates me – who can't defeat a silly little plumber despite being a fire-breathing monster. I'm a failure, and I'm a bad influence on Dede. I know he wants to be badder, but I don't know if I can really bring myself to ruin him. And if I did, would I forgive myself, for stompin' out the light for my own selfish benefit? If everything is darkness, what's even the point? If we don't have light, how can shadows even exist, let alone matter?
Bowser got out of bed.
It has to happen.
He walked to the door, hesitating to open it. But he knew he couldn't wait any longer.
I hate it, I hate it, but Dedede has to go. For both our sakes.
LEATHER AND FEATHERS: CHAPTER 13
"Tangled, Webbed, Weaved, Deceived"
They met in the hallway outside their doors. They had left their rooms at the exact same time.
When Bowser laid eyes on his departing friend, his heart skipped a beat, and his stomach did somersaults. Everything ached. He longed for him.
I really like him. Dammit. This can't be a crush. He's not a princess – he's a king! That's way outta my wheelhouse! And besides, I'm into Peach! Maybe I just never had a friend this close, and this is what it feels like! I'm allowed to be fond of the guy!
"Wish I didn't have to look like this when I'm visiting a foreign nation," the red-eyed bird sighed, tugging at his raggedy robe-turned-vest. "Thanks to that attack, my clothes are definitely the worse fer wear."
My fault…
Bowser shrugged. "Yer fault for not packin' a couple extras."
Dedede glared at him, making the Koopa bite his lip, guiltily.
"Hey, at least yer all healed up now. Except for the bandage." Bowser stared at his face up close, blushing. Handsome mug, too. I-I mean, by stupid ugly bird standards! "Even in the light, your black eye… it's like… 99 percent gone."
"Soon, it'll be 100 percent gone," Dedede remarked, looking away.
Bowser felt a stabbing pain in his gut.
Is this really it? I shouldn't have been so hasty. I was scared.
What if I'm making things worse? I mean, there was no way I was pinin' for the little guy, it was just stress… yeah! It was stress! After all that training! He's just some unthreatenin' weakling dweeb! Absolutely nothin' to worry 'bout!
He can stay. I definitely won't feel any more weird feelings about him.
Look how glum the poor guy looks, I really hurt him.
Fuck, I can't let it end like this.
He struggled to swallow, before he could get out the words. "L-listen, m-maybe I was just bein' stupid–"
Dedede looked back at him. "No, Bowser, I think you were smart. I'm using up your resources; I'm a burden. A birden, haha." The penguin smiled half-heartedly. "One last pun fer ya before I go."
The Koopa forced a fake chuckle. "C'mon, stay. I was just… I was just…"
"Look. I know when I'm not wanted," Dedede said, interrupting him. "If you couldn't even stand the thought of a single day more with me around, that speaks fer itself. Don't patronize me with fake politeness. We both know that's not your style."
"Dede…" Bowser begged.
"Sorry, but I'm not gonna be all cheerful fer your benefit either. Let's stop pretendin', kay?"
Bowser watched Dedede's face in the torchlight, in awe at how beautiful it looked, despite the pain in his eyes.
With a sinking feeling, he realized wouldn't be able to look at it much longer.
They came out to the stony dockyards where Bowser's airship was kept, separate from the rest of the fleet. The ceilings were open, allowing for easy exit. The propeller-laden skyboat was massive, a show of the Koopa's power and pride. A wooden monument to his empire.
Wonder if he's compensatin' fer somethin', Dedede thought, looking up at it.
Bowser cleared his throat. "Well, heh, last chance to change yer mind–"
The penguin turned back to face him. "My mind's made up, as is yours! Let's go! I'm excited to meet the Yoshis!"
Bowser Jr. ran out into the dockyards, seemingly surprised to meet them. "Are you going somewhere, Papa?"
The Koopa King scratched his head. "What are you doin' here, Junior?"
"I'm playing hide-and-seek with Lemmy! I figured he'd never look inside the airship!"
Bowser cleared his throat. "Uh, sorry, son, you can't use it right now. I'm takin' Dede over to Yoshi's Island."
"He's leaving? Neat!" Junior said, unperturbed.
"Look how sad the boy is!" Bowser said, gesturing to his kin. "Stay here for his sake!"
"I can tell he's real broken up about it," Dedede snarked. He turned around and walked toward the boarding platform. "Bye, Junior, it was nice to meet you."
Bowser… What a jerk. I can't believe I thought we were best friends…
Dedede looked back when he realized Bowser wasn't following him. The Koopa was staring at him with puppy-dog eyes, while his son stood beside him.
"What?" the penguin snapped.
Bowser waited for a moment, smiling sheepishly, before opening his mouth to sing.
"Where're yer eyes that were so mild,
When my poor heart ya so beguiled,
Why didja run from me 'n' the child,
Oh Dedede, I hardly knew ye… yeye."
Despite the Koopa's guilty grin, the avian was not amused. "Don't quit your day job."
Why is he pretending like he feels bad all of a sudden?
Bowser frowned. "Tough crowd."
Dedede rolled his eyes impatiently. "Yeah, yeah. You wanted me to be tougher, right? C'mon, let's go."
The ride to Dinosaur Land was completely silent.
Dedede stood at the stern of the boat, looking out at the ocean they were flying over, while his vest blew in the heavy wind.
What should've been a nice flight together was ruined before it began. Bowser couldn't think of a way to fix this. Nothing was working.
What can I say at this point… I've tried everything.
He stared forlornly at Dedede, who didn't once look back at him.
Finally, after what felt like ages, the archipelago came into view.
It formed a loose square of many small and large islands, some connected by bridges and others separated from what appeared to be a mainland in the upper middle. A large body of seawater in the middle was all but surrounded by land. There was a cave visible in the northern portion and an arid brown region in the southeast. In the central gulf, surrounded by glaciers, was a rocky cavernous skull that looked remarkably similar to the Koopa King.
"There's the Valley of Bowser," remarked the eponymous turtle. "Usedta maintain a base there, now it's more of a vacation castle. Haven't been in years, actually. We could–"
The penguin interrupted: "I've had enough of your castle."
"This one's different!" Bowser growled.
"I'm sure it is," Dedede said, waving him away.
Meanie.
Bowser pointed out some landmarks. "That's Donut Plains, and over there is Vanilla Dome…"
"Can you just take me straight to the Yoshis? I don't have time fer sightseein'," the bird curtly said.
The Koopa winced. "Okay, so straight to Yoshi's Island… That's on that southwesterly little corner. Er, wait, which Yoshi's Island exactly?"
"Which? The one with the Yoshis, obviously!"
"There's two Yoshi's Islands. One connected to the mainland, and the other is a bigger one further south, that tropical-lookin' one there." He pointed to an isle disconnected from the rest, which had tall, snow-capped mountains in the middle that were surrounded by jungles, flower fields and beaches.
"Ugh, of course you Mushroom people have to be weird and have two islands with the same name right next to each other," Dedede sighed.
"Don't blame me! One's their native home and one is more of an offshoot where they live quietly."
And the former is where I lived when I was a baby…
"Take me to their ancestral island, then. Probably more info to be gained there."
"R-Roger that."
This is it.
Landing on a secluded beach, the airship came down with a thud, as sand flew about in its wake.
"Yes… the time of reckoning draws near… eeeeheheheh!"
Dedede and Bowser both jumped.
"What was that!?" Bowser yelped.
"You heard it too?" Dedede asked.
"It sounded like…" The Koopa paused to consider. "Nah, couldn't be. Must be some sleep deprivation hallucination, or the islanders playin' tricks, or…"
"Great. Just the kind of welcome I've come to expect in this world," the penguin snarked.
Bowser frowned, letting down the bridge to the land below, and they disembarked.
It was a quiet little island. A very lush, subtropical rainforest was visible at the edge of the beach, with the mountains behind it. The sand was white and soft, the perfect place to lie down and relax.
But Dedede couldn't relax.
I… I don't want to lose him. But he doesn't want me around…
Bastard.
The sound of the ocean waves and chirping wild birds gave a peaceful vibe which contrasted with the mood of the situation.
The bastard spoke. "Well, this is it."
"Y-yup," Dedede replied.
Bowser looked away, his eyes watery, as he held open his arms. "One more hug for the road?"
The penguin crossed his arms. "Are you joking?"
"C'mon, don't leave me hangin' here!" There was a vulnerability in the Koopa's voice that softened the anger Dedede felt.
The avian didn't want to do it, but his body moved toward the reptile regardless.
They embraced.
The reptile's arms wrapped around the penguin, and Dedede latched onto Bowser, desperately.
The pair held each other like no tomorrow, knowing the other would disappear once they let go. They hung on so tightly that it hurt.
Bowser… I wish I could stay with you.
What happened?
The strong arms of the Koopa nearly crushing him, Dedede tried not to cry as he felt his friendship slipping away. He felt Bowser's hands running up and down his back, clutching at his vest. Caressing him. His breaths were loud and labored.
Dedede wanted the hug to last forever, but everything had to come to an end at some point.
It's not natural to be this obsessed. With a monster. Get your act together, Dedede.
The penguin finally found the strength to pull away from the turtle, whose hands dropped limply to his sides.
Large paws trudging along the beach sand, Bowser boarded his airship without another word, his head hung low. He looked back at the penguin, who avoided his gaze.
As he lifted off and flew away, he saw Dedede watching, but neither of them waved.
Goodbye, little bird.
Bowser got out toward the mainland, but he didn't want to go home just yet. He'd just introduced his new… his ex-friend to all of his troops, his family. There would be questions.
As he surveyed Dinosaur Land from above, he saw the skull maw which he'd occupied many years ago. The valley of his malevolence. It would be abandoned, somewhere he could hide and regroup for a while.
He decided to go in.
Dedede looked around him. It was quite beautiful, this subtropical paradise. Maybe he could just vacation here, and forget about training.
Lots of things I'd like to ferget about, actually…
Placing his palms on the ground, he felt around in the grains, absent-mindedly. One of his fingers felt a small rock, and he fished it out of the sand. It was jagged, grey, with a vein of red inside it, intersected by another subtle blue line. It was flawlessly smooth, circular, flat; it would be perfect for skipping. Something made him want to keep it as his first souvenir from this new land, so Dedede pocketed it.
He laid down on the hot sand, putting his arms behind his head.
First, I'll catch up on that sleep I lost out on.
Dedede tried not to think about Bowser, even though the thoughts kept stabbing at his head. He tried to clear his mind and fall asleep.
The sound of the waves crashing into the shoreline certainly helped lower his heart rate and lull him into serenity. He was still hurting, but maybe he could worry about that when he woke up.
But maybe he wouldn't have to.
"Hey! Dededork!"
The penguin blinked, looking over for the source of the familiar, gruff voice.
Bowser was stomping through the sand, coming back to meet him.
"D-didn't I say to beat it?" Dedede grumbled.
The Koopa's footsteps stopped right next to the avian's head. "You ain't the boss of me, little bird." Bowser nudged his cheek with one large toe. "Think I'd letcha run off that easily?"
The bird pushed Bowser's paw away, grunting. "You literally hand-delivered me to a distant island."
"Dinoland ain't that far, dingus," Bowser breathed over him, getting down to kneel on the beach next to the penguin. "Besides, I gotta pick up Junior a souvenir before I head back."
"Hmm… So that's your priority. Fer a minute there I thought you were comin' to beg fergiveness from me, like ya did with Peach." Dedede frowned.
Bowser grinned. "Oh, you'd want that, wouldn'tcha. Well, you ain't as pretty as her, but you'll have to do fer now. So buckle in, you're stuck with me, birdy."
"Bowser, just go away."
"No."
"Leave me alone!"
"Make me!"
Dedede turned around to face away from him. He didn't want the Koopa to see his smirk.
"Ugh, well at least shut up so I can grab a nap while I'm here…"
Dedede was quickly startled into opening his eyes when he felt a massive, slimy tongue lick his face, leaving a trail of drool thick enough to make mortar. He saw some kind of weird dog panting over him, the smell of its breath making him immediately switch to mouth-breathing himself.
Looking around, there was no Bowser in sight. Adeleine always did say I had an active imagination…
Dedede sat up. "Uh, hello." He patted the dog on the head, who gave an appreciative yip. "Who are you, mister doggy?"
"Poochy! Where are youuuuu!" called a strange voice.
The penguin looked around, and he noticed someone short running toward them. He recognized it as a Yoshi. This one was dark blue, with a pink saddle and shoes.
"Oh, hello," the Yoshi said. "Sorry about Poochy. He's friendly, I promise."
"I can see that," Dedede replied. "No worries." He gave Poochy another pat, the canine panting and drooling on the sand.
"Say, you're not from around here, are you?" the Yoshi asked. "Not to be rude. It's just, normally nobody goes to this beach because it's so quiet."
"Quiet is a perk, and yeah, you're right, I'm a visitor. My name's Dedede."
"Hi Dedede. I'm Yoshi."
Oh, don't tell me this is another Waddle Dee situation…
"Hi Yoshi, nice to meet you." Dedede held out his hand.
Yoshi shook it. "What brings you here, if it's not too impolite of me to ask?"
The penguin cleared his throat. "I'm traveling to the various places represented in Smash as a kinda training exercise. Thought I could meet the other fighters, and learn what the tourney is really like, maybe spar fer practice, or at least get some insight on my competitors."
"Smash, huh… so you must be King Dedede."
"You know about me?" the penguin said.
"Know about you? Oh, of course! A couple of my friends even voted for you in the ballot! I've never seen what you look like until now," replied the dark blue dinosaur.
"Wait, really?"
"Yup!"
"And are you one of the Yoshis in Smash?"
"No… I wish. I'm not strong enough. But I can introduce you!" Yoshi paused. "Or, well, I could, if they weren't busy with some… island drama."
"What kind of drama?" Dedede was eager for something to get his mind off the Koopa.
Distraction, here I come.
"It's… well, if you're in Smash, you must know who Bowser is, right?"
"Y-yeah."
Well, so much for that. What is the turtle up to? Terrorizing these poor little dinosaurs? But I just saw him leave…
"Our elder has been acting strange today. Saying he's going to sell off our island to Bowser in exchange for… melons. An unlimited supply."
The penguin gasped.
He wants to get his hands on Bowser's juicy, delicious melons! Dedede thought. At any cost!
"So we don't know what to do," Yoshi continued. "He said the only way he'd change his mind was if somebody could convince him."
Well, sounds like he's not here, but he's been doing some negotiations. That stupid Koopa can't let anyone live peacefully, can he? I'll show him.
"This island is beautiful! I'll try! I may not be the most persuasive penguin out there, but maybe a visitor's perspective will hit him harder than the typical dino debate he's grown accustomed to."
"Really? You'd do that for us?" said Yoshi.
"Don't thank me unless I actually succeed," the penguin replied.
"Still, it's a very generous offer…"
Dedede's stomach grumbled. He realized he hadn't eaten since yesterday. "Well, if you wanna repay me… got anything to eat?"
"Come to my place. I've got lots of fruit," Yoshi said, looking surprised.
Parking his flying machine on a cliff at the edge of Chocolate Island, Bowser looked down at the skull emerging from the sea. That had taken a lot of work to make happen, and it still looked cool.
There was even originally a mechanism to open and close the mouth for restricted entry, but unfortunately it had broken after repeated use.
Peering down in front of it, in the gulf he saw the haunted remnants of one of his older airships, wrecked in a botched landing attempt so many years ago. What had one been a tool of war was now a home for ghosts and fish, as well as ghostly fish.
Bowser kept a spare Clown Car on his airship for situations like these. He boarded the vehicle-within-a-vehicle and flew into his own skeletal maw, taking a trip down memory lane.
It was a huge cavern, partially waterlogged. The smell of damp, salty air gave it a crisp, cool feeling. Rocky peaks and stony valleys dotted the landscape, with dirt paths snaking betwixt. There was a haunted house, which looked empty; the Boos likely hadn't left, so they were probably sleeping. Other than that, the cave was completely abandoned, as the Koopa had expected. The crumbled remains of two small fortresses were along the side paths; one was a modest castle he'd gifted to Larry, and another was a structure that had belonged to the Reznors, a species of aggressive dino-rhino native to Dinosaur Land. The former building had a large sign next to it that simply had the number "7". On the cliffs above there were a few Warp Pipes leading to other areas of the archipelago, and in a quiet corner rested a star-shaped portal leading to the Star Road.
And in the very back of the cavern was his castle. Thankfully, Mario had not destroyed it on his way out, so it was still in perfect condition. The giant sign on the front of the fortress had his name on it, and would normally light up and flash different colors if it were turned on. There were both front and back doors.
He sighed, wishing Dedede were here with him. He'd be able to show off all the work he'd put into this place.
Bowser landed in front of the back door and let himself in.
It was pitch black inside the castle. All the torches had been long since snuffed. But this particular room was so dark, it was known as the "Dark Room".
Reaching around above his head, he found what he was looking for. Punching a red ? Block, the lights flashed on instantly. They weren't normal lights, however; they were disco lights, which shone as dazzling spotlights in the darkness.
Bowser sat down on the cold floor, alone with his thoughts. The disco lights really made it hard to be in a bad mood, but he still managed. He missed his friend. They could've had fun here.
Bowser… you dun fucked up…
You had him. You had him and he was happy to stay, happy to be around you, and you messed up everything. You fuckin' idiot. Why? Because you were scared? Those feelings weren't real. Sure, maybe you could call it 'love,' but love has a lot of meanings. It's nothin' to do with dating, you just love him as a friend.
Maybe I can turn it around… Nah, he probably hates my guts now. And I'll look like an idiot AND an asshole if I flip-flop.
He slammed his fist down on the floor, and it hurt, but he did it again, and again, until he was tired. He leaned his head back against the wall.
Today was the last day you'd see Dede… And it's already over.
Bowser's eyes started to water, reflecting the sparkling lights as they moved around him.
But… we're both still here.
Then he growled, and flames lit the sides of his mouth.
No… I can't let this be it!
I never let Peach outta my sight, but I'm gonna let Dede disappear? Screw that!
He got to his feet.
I'm Bowser!
King of the Koopas!
He roared, the noise echoing through the empty castle.
"I take what I want!"
Dedede huffed.
These hills didn't seem to end. They'd ridden Poochy through the jungle, but the canine was ill-suited to mountainous terrain.
Getting to an impasse, Dedede and the dark blue Yoshi stopped. Only the penguin had to catch his breath.
"How are we going to get across?" the avian enquired, looking at the gap between the hilltop they were standing on, and the next one, which was significantly higher. A green and white platform seemed to float between, held up by some kind of transparent stalk that looked watery.
In reply, the dinosaur leaped over to the platform, legs fluttering for extended air time. "Hop on!"
Dedede jumped across, and as soon as he landed, the platform suddenly rose ten feet. He nearly lost his balance. "Whoa! What's goin' on?" He noticed the "stalk" had eyes.
Yoshi answered, "This is called a Liquid Lift."
Crossing further into the uplands, they came upon a small village. A few Yoshis milled about. Their houses were quaint, with straw roofs and wooden patios. They were each only large enough to have one or two rooms. The ground was unpaved, with light dirt indicating where the general foot traffic traversed. Tall grass and gentle flowers dotted the scene. The huts were arranged in a loose circle, with the ground in between serving as a plaza of sorts, in the middle of which was a medium-sized stone fountain, with so little ornamentation it could be mistaken for a bird bath. Strings of fairy lights hung between the homes, but they were off right now.
Out of one hut emerged a pink Yoshi, who waved at Dedede's dark blue companion.
"Hi, Yoshi!" said the pink Yoshi.
"Hi, Yoshi," the dark blue Yoshi replied.
"Hi, Yoshi," waved another Yoshi.
"Hi, Yoshi…" a fourth Yoshi chimed in.
"Hi, Yoshi," Yoshi said, matter-of-factly.
"Hi, Yoshi!" one Yoshi cheerfully cried.
Another Yoshi came around the corner. "Hi, Yoshi."
"Hi, Yoshi!" many Yoshis said in unison.
A purple one with sunglasses came out from behind a tree. "Sup."
"Oh… hi, Boshi," the pink Yoshi mumbled.
They all ignored him and looked over the new visitor. Pink Yoshi stepped closer. "Is that…"
"Yes, it's King Dedede," replied the dark blue dino.
"Hi, uh, Yoshi I'm assuming," the penguin said.
"Hi, King Dedede!" they all shouted enthusiastically.
"How did you find our little village?" asked the pink one.
"Your friend here," Dedede said, pointing to the dark blue Yoshi with his thumb. "He was a very helpful tour guide."
"She," the pink one replied.
Dedede tilted his head. "Huh?"
Dark blue chimed in. "You said 'he'. I'm a she."
The penguin blushed. "Oh, I, uh… sorry for assuming."
"It's okay," she replied. "I know I give off a masculine energy."
The other Yoshis all nodded in agreement, under the hazy, white, early afternoon sky.
"Sorry we're all in a tizzy," a green Yoshi said. "Things have been crazy today."
"That's partially why I'm here," Dedede said. "I thought maybe I could talk some sense into your elder."
"If you can change his mind, that would be a miracle," the green one replied. "He's not usually this stubborn, but something seems to have come over him today."
"Just today?" Dedede asked.
"Yeah, we dunno what's gotten into him," answered the pink dinosaur. "He'd never strike a deal with Bowser under normal circumstances. We even told him – we've got enough melons for everybody already! But no… he wants Bowser's melons specifically. He said they're bigger and juicier than any others."
"Must be the farming conditions in the Dark Lands," said the dark blue Yoshi.
"Whatever… I'll show him that Bowser's melons are nothing worth drooling over," Dedede pouted.
After filling up on fruit at his new friend's place, the penguin climbed up one last hill to the elder's house, accompanied by the dark blue dinosaur.
How they handle these hills, day in and day out… I'll never understand.
They reached the humble abode. It looked like any of the other houses, but just a bit bigger and with more colors.
It was also surrounded by spikes, a bit too far for them to float over.
"Well, that's new," Yoshi said.
"Yeah, you folks don't seem like the prickly types," Dedede said. "This is something I'd more associate with… hmm… Wait, how are we gonna cross?"
"Thankfully, we've got that covered." Yoshi gestured to a group of little purple blob-like creatures, walking around in the grass nearby. She went over and stepped on two of them, which clung to her pink shoes. "Introducing: Muddy Buddies! They'll let us walk on the spikes."
"R-really?" the penguin said, approaching. "I don't wanna crush the poor little guys… or girls, or whatever."
"Steeeppppp onnnn meeeeeee," one of the Buddies interjected. "It's what we liiiiive forrrr."
The bird shrugged, a little creeped out, but he did as he was told, treading upon two of the Muddy Buddies, one of whom screamed, "Oh YEEEEAH!"
Walking awkwardly, the penguin immediately stumbled and fell on his face, landing mere inches away from the spikes.
"Good idea to practice before doing the real thing," Yoshi remarked. "We don't have many doctors here."
Dedede gulped, getting up with some difficulty and brushing the grass off his vest, before waddling in a circle, away from the yellow spikes. After a minute, he felt like he'd gotten the hang of it, and went ahead to walk across the obstacle in his path. He felt bad, but the little people under his feet didn't seem to mind. In fact, he could've sworn he heard them moaning.
Getting to the other side, and standing at the elder's front porch, they wiped the Muddy Buddies off their feet into the grass, asking them to wait there for the return trip.
Knocking on the door, Dedede heard a deep voice say, "Come iiiinn~"
The elder was a particularly fat specimen of Yoshi. Yellow, grizzled and flabby, with a blue, feathered headband, he was sitting in front of a small fire, lazily staring at them as they entered.
"And who, pray tell, is this?" asked the chief, waving a long smoking pipe in the general direction of the penguin.
"This is King Dedede," the dark blue Yoshi said. "He wanted to talk to you."
"Oh? He's heard about my lust for His Fruitiness's melons? How convenient," the elder said. "I suppose he's here to investigate. Very well, you are dismissed, dark blue one. You might find it wise to go back to town; I suspect we'll be a while. Now shoo! Be on your merry way."
The smaller dino nodded. Then she waved at Dedede. "See you around, and good luck."
Then she left, and Dedede was alone with the old, chunky dinosaur.
"A problem has been plaguing me for far too long," the elder said.
"What's the problem?" Dedede asked.
Silence.
Then, the chief let out a high-pitched giggle.
"Why, he's right in front of me~"
With a poof, the elder was shrouded in a blue fog.
As the smoke cleared, the penguin saw that the fat Yoshi was no longer there. In his place was the last person Dedede wanted to see.
"You!"
It was Kamek.
As he flew off in the airship again, Bowser thought about everything.
Argh… I know he's mad at me, but whatever. I'm just too big 'n' bad for that little goody-two-flippers. He's gonna be my best worst friend whether he likes it or not!
It took a little while, but he finally got there. Landing at the beach where they'd met, Bowser debarked the vehicle and stepped onto the sand once more. He hated feeling so anxious, but the crashing waves helped calm him down. He stood under the grey, cloudy, moody evening sky.
Looking around, he realized that Dedede might be long gone, elsewhere on the island. It wasn't exactly big, but it wasn't small either. And the penguin had had all day to wander around. Bowser wondered where to first start his search.
Then, out of nowhere, he heard a croaking noise coming from below. He looked down at the ground.
"Whatcha doin' down there, little guy?"
Down at his feet was a little blue frog.
He's… still here?
"Bowser!" the penguin cried, seeing the Koopa and momentarily forgetting about their fight. "Help me!"
But rather than words, all that came out of Dedede was a croak.
As the reptile picked him up in those giant hands, Dedede saw the reflection in those big red eyes – that of a tiny blue frog.
If I ever reverse this spell, I'm gonna flatten that stupid Magikoopa!
"Whatcha doin' here, lil' dude? Looking for your pond? Sorry to break it to ya, but this is the ocean, buddy."
Dammit, right, he has no way of knowing this is me… If only I had some kind of signal.
Dedede jumped on top of the turtle's head, landing in his spicy mane, careful to stay between the horns. He hopped up and down. "Ribbit! Ribbit!"
But his cries fell on deaf ears. Bowser didn't speak amphibian. "Hey! Careful up there! Yer gonna get impaled on somethin'." The Koopa reached up and caught the bouncing frog, gently holding him as he brought him back down to chest level.
The penguin-frog felt so warm and protected in Bowser's soft grip. The turtle opened his palms and looked at the little creature. "I'm actually lookin' for someone – maybe you've seen him. Name's Dedede."
The transformed king was shaken.
Bowser continued speaking. "He's a big round bird, same color as you, actually. Either cheery or grumpy, dependin' when you catch him. Today, probably the second option." The reptile let out a sigh. "To be honest, froggy, I kinda fucked things up."
Go on… Dedede thought, feeling a little guilty for being privy to this monologue under false pretenses. But he couldn't exactly communicate.
Bowser turned around to face the ocean. He half-sat, half-laid down on the sand, resting on his elbows, and brought the ersatz amphibian to sit on his chest. "Comfy there lil' fella? Like my… melons?"
N-not at all!
The roar of the waves and the squawk of the occasional seabird were the only sounds, other than the low rumble of Bowser's breathing. The dreary clouds blew by quickly, as the wind picked up.
The Koopa kept on talking. "I was scared. I was scared an' I pushed him away."
Scared of what?
"I was scared because… because I never met anyone like him, and I felt…" Bowser trailed off. "I felt too strong about it. I've never had a friend like him. When he's around, I feel so happy an' excited. We always have so much fun. I kinda troll him sometimes, but only 'cause it's cute seein' him flip out. He gets me, like no one else does, and isn't scared off by my overwhelmin' power and dominance."
Dedede chortled, as much as his body allowed. Bowser's sweet words touched his soul, even with the narcissism mixed in at the end. The penguin had never heard the Koopa speak so softly about him.
"Even though I'm a dangerous, intimidatin' beast, he treats me like a regular dude. Didn't know how much I appreciated that 'til he was gone. I dunno if he'll forgive me, but… I… I miss him so much!" Bowser started sniffling. "He m-means a lot to me! Stupid dumb penguin, invading my castle, and my life… Makin' me get all attached and then leaving…"
The amphibious avian pondered those words, which were so intimate, so loving. He really cares about me… he was just being foolish, and taking it too seriously, Dedede reflected. Idiot.
"I dunno what I'm gonna do, froggy," Bowser mumbled, anxiety in his voice. "D'ya think he'll ever forgive me?"
I… I think–
FWOOSH!
In an instantaneous cloud of smoke, Dedede's arch nemesis appeared.
Kamek!
The magical Koopa floated in front of them, smiling snidely. His blue robes blended in with the ocean behind him, though his garb was a more vivid hue.
Dedede hopped up and down on Bowser's chest, angrily. He wished he could curse.
"Kamek? What… what're you doing here?" Bowser asked, shocked. He sat up, holding the frog in his hands protectively. "Haven't seen you for days, and ya just pop up here of all places?"
That's because he was plotting my downfall!
The Magikoopa cackled, looking at the frog and then at Bowser. "Why, what's so strange about it? I just wanted to visit the old hovering grounds! It's so nostalgic to be here, where I raised you… brings back so many memories, doesn't it?"
The Koopa King sighed. "Yeah… yeah it does, I guess. Wasn't really planning to be here, but I, uh…"
"You were looking for that naughty penguin, weren't you?" the mage interrupted.
Bowser blinked. "H-how'd ya–"
"I heard you talking, silly," Kamek claimed.
"W-were you spyin' on me!?" Bowser bellowed.
Kamek chuckled. "A father has the right to check in on his–"
"You ain't my father!"
The waves crashed.
The light glinted on the mage's spectacles. "I suppose I'm not. I merely raised you from toddlerhood, taught you everything about the world, molded you into the ultimate evil overlord… but I suppose it was all wasted. To be honest, I'm quite disappointed in you."
"D-disappointed!? In me!?" Bowser echoed, growling.
Dedede felt like he was sitting on a motorcycle, with the proportion of rumbling beneath his shrunken body.
Kamek nodded. "You used to be so driven. So destructive. You made me proud. Now, you've turned into a passive, simpering fool, obsessed with some strange little turkey from another realm."
"I can be nice and still be a badass! I'm still the boss!"
"The boss of what? Dancing in flower fields? If you'd acted this way all along, maybe the princess would've married you already. Instead, you're alone, ineffectual, and a nuisance to the only person who's always been there for you – me!"
"Always been there for me… yeah, like a fuckin' mosquito," Bowser grunted. "Do this, do that, eat your mushrooms, take over the world. What about what I want?"
"And what do you want? Do you even know?" Kamek demanded.
Bowser hesitated. "I want…"
"Say it!"
The wind howled, but not loud enough to drown the king's cry.
"I want to be loved!"
The sound of the sea was deafening.
They were both silent.
He– he wants… Dedede was shocked, and admittedly fascinated by this unforeseen sensitivity. Oh… Bowser…
"You want to be loved?" Kamek shrieked.
Bowser choked, looking away. "I wanna be loved. I'm tired of being hated. It's exhausting."
The Magikoopa softened, smiling ruefully. "Well, I suppose a father's love would help with that… if only a little. But, then again…" He paused. "I'm not your father, am I?"
They were silent.
Kamek continued. "Is that why you've been so chummy with the penguin? Because he… loves you?"
Whoa, don't get the wrong idea! That's not on the table…
Right?
"Hey, don't get it twisted! It's– it's not like that. It's more–"
"Oh, settle down. You know I meant platonically." He turned around, looking at the ocean. "But that explains your fixation on the blubbery bird. He treats you with kindness and understanding, rather than anger or worship. To him, you're just a regular plebeian companion. Not a king in need of servitude, or a monster in need of destruction."
Bowser's palms clenched, threatening to crush Dedede. "I ain't fixated! And I mean, I'd put it differently, maybe, but… I guess that's the gist of it. If ya wanna be reductive."
I didn't know I was really that appreciated– Wait, blubbery!?
"I think I understand you a little better, son– I mean… Your Loneliness."
Bowser scoffed. "Don't repeat this to him. He's gonna think I'm obsessed with him or worse.
Are you?
Kamek swirled back around, and made eye contact with the frog. Dedede gulped.
"Oh, I wouldn't repeat it to him. There wouldn't be any point." Kamek seemed to read something between the lines, however, eyeing both of them cautiously. "I know you've always had eyes for the princess."
"Y-yeah! Only her!"
Dedede felt a pang of disappointment, but couldn't fathom why.
I think I might throw up… I feel so sad and anxious… This is none of my business. I shouldn't be listening to this.
Dedede accidentally let out a small croak.
Kamek's gaze shifted back to the frog, almost imperceptibly, for only a second. He looked at Bowser and smiled. "Speaking of love, and princesses… you did want to marry one, correct?"
What's he on about?
"Well, duh," the turtledragon replied. "Whaddya think all this was for – the sieges, the kidnappings…"
"Certainly. But does it have to be Toadstool?"
Toadstool? Is that Peach's surname or something?
"Huh?" Bowser scratched his head with one hand, holding Dedede in the other. "Another princess? I mean… I never really thought about it. I guess if she was just as pretty as Peach, maybe I could start over, without the baggage. But I can't imagine… anyone else who could make me feel that way."
Kamek waited in silence, brushing off some sand that had blown onto his robe. "Have you ever heard the tale of the frog princess?"
Dedede froze.
Bowser looked down at his amphibious acquisition. "Frog… princess? I thought the story was about a prince."
Kamek giggled. "Oh, you know how those old fables get distorted over the eons. I assure you, I've done my research. I do teach history to Junior… remember?"
The Koopa King was befuddled. "So what, are you sayin' this frog is a princess?"
O-oh, wait a minute…
"Why, you were listening in class! How delightful! Yes, the regal royal was cursed by an evil wizard, destined to remain in this form forever, unless one requirement was met…" Kamek could barely stifle his smirk. "And do you remember how the frog was turned back into a princess?"
The foamy waves came in and out along the sandy shore.
"With a… with a kiss," Bowser mumbled, eyeing Dedede carefully.
Oh… oh no… d-don't you put that… t-that ugly mouth on me!
"Precisely!"
"So all I need to do is kiss this frog, and I'll have a princess on my lap, grateful for her knight in shining plastron?"
"Yes." Kamek nodded with an uncharacteristic enthusiasm.
"Do I need to, like, make out with her? Slip 'er the tongue?"
"Just a… peck will do. There will be ample time for more when she's transformed."
Bowser pondered, looking at the frog, which he held tightly as it tried to jump away. "I dunno if I buy this. What if it doesn't work? Or you're just pulling my leg 'cause yer cranky?"
Kamek chortled. "Would I ever steer you wrong? Have a little faith. What's the worst that could happen? If it's not a princess, you'll just have harmlessly smooched a frog. It'll hop along on its merry way and you'll go back to chasing Toadstool."
"Well, when ya put it that way… I guess it couldn't hurt…"
The Koopa King brought the frog up to his face. It was wriggling in his hand, desperately trying to escape his grasp.
Jeez, she doesn't wanna turn back into a princess? Or maybe she's lost herself in this form, and is just a mindless croaker. Well, I'll bring her back. I'm really doin' a noble deed right now. I better be rewarded if I'm gonna kiss a gross frog. Oh well… here goes nothin'!
The turtle brought his lips to the frog's. He gave it a little kiss.
Slimy.
Almost immediately, he felt it shaking in his hand, as the amphibian began to glow, glittery rainbow colors flashing across its silhouette.
It's working!
"Keep at it! The more you kiss, the faster it works!" Kamek watched on in amusement, aimlessly waving his wand as he often did.
Bowser felt awkward being on display like this. But it was worth it to save a cute princess.
The reptilian king closed his eyes, feeling the transformation happen. He blindly smooched the frog, pressing his lips hard against it, as he felt it shift and change within his grasp, growing and growing.
It's becoming human-sized… can't believe this is real… my own princess, just for me…
The weight on his chest increased as he held tight to his new prize. The sensation of it morphing in his arms was a strange one. He kept his eyes closed, wanting to be surprised when he saw her face. He didn't want to see her mid-transformation; that would definitely cause some creepy, uncanny vibes, and perhaps inadvertently result in him developing an amphibian fetish.
The weight against his chest and lap kept increasing, as well as the diameter of the body his arms were wrapped around. His new lover was growing at an alarming rate, far beyond what he'd expected.
Wow, she's a fat princess. Even BETTER – more cushion for the pushin'! This is the lady of my dreams! I LOVE THEM THUNDER THIGHS!
The scent of her was absolutely mesmerizing. He couldn't get enough. It smelled familiar, though. Very familiar. Bowser took a deep breath, groaning as he felt her mouth against his. She must be about back to normal now; her lips were firm, although she didn't seem to be as good of a kisser as he was. She was whimpering demurely.
I'll have to show her the ropes. Maybe it's time to French–
Suddenly, he felt her squirming again, almost as if she were trying to get free.
Oh no, what if she doesn't like me? Damn, I didn't really ask if she wanted to be kissed. I better slow down, look her in the eyes and say hello. Once she hears me talk, she'll fall in love for sure.
Bowser opened his eyelids, and his pupils immediately contracted.
His lips were locked with none other than Dedede.
Bowser let go of the penguin, overcome with utter shock.
Dedede fell out of his arms, landing on his back in the sand, his legs still on top of the Koopa's. He stared back with a look of horror. At least, Bowser read it as horror.
Their eyes were locked in a desperate, primal conflict, thousands of words unspoken, in complete disbelief.
D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D–
They were snapped out of their trance by an all-too-familiar, high-pitched cackle.
"HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! YOU FOOLS! THAT WILL TEACH YOU TO DISRESPECT ME!" Kamek waved his wand around, dancing in the air.
"Y-you! You little FUCKER!" Bowser roared. He spat a fireball at his underling, but the Magikoopa disappeared in a flash.
Dedede was gasping for breath. "W-w-w-WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT!?"
"I-I don't KNOW!"
"WHY DID YOU KISS ME!?"
"I THOUGHTCHA WERE A PRINCESS! WEREN'T YOU LISTENIN'!? WHY DIDN'TCHA SPEAK THE FUCK UP!?"
"I TRIED!"
"WELL, TRY HARDER NEXT TIME!"
"THERE– THERE WON'T BE A NEXT TIME!"
"Y-YOU BET THERE WON'T! EW EW EW!"
"D-don't act like it wasn't the best kiss of your life!"
"Kissing you!? That's my worst nightmare!"
Dedede pushed himself back a few feet, still lying on the sand. His vest, which was almost as red as his face, dipped into the water. He appeared to run out of verbal steam, still eyeing Bowser like prey would watch a predator.
D-did that really just happen? What in the blazes!? I… I kissed Dedede… and it wasn't a dream this time. I feel funny…
They sat there for awhile, catching their breath. Bowser felt a drop of water land on his head. Then another.
Finally, Dedede broke the silence. "S-s-so… about… what you said…"
Oh, WAIT!
Bowser slapped his forehead. "Oh fuck. You heard everything, didn't you."
"I-I couldn't help it! You grabbed me and wouldn't let go! I felt guilty eavesdropping, but I needed someone to uncurse me!"
Guh, I don't wanna talk about this, especially right now! Quick, Bowz, think of something to distract him!
"So you coulda got a smooch from a-anyone, and ya chose–"
"I d-didn't know about the kiss thing! That was a surprise to me too! I was just hopping around the island, lookin' fer anyone who could help and not eat me! I was lucky you showed up when you did!"
You didn't wanna kiss me? Not even a little? Not that I care!
The Koopa continued deflecting. "Y-yeah, sure. Lucky is right. B-b-betcha planned this all along–"
"NOT THE FUCKING TIME, BOWSER! THIS WAS ALL YOUR IDIOT DILDO DAD'S DOING!" Dedede snapped. "And don't you dare tell me I can't criticize him right now, or I swear I will murder you and feed you to the Yoshis."
Bowser bit his lip. "R-right, right. J-just wanted to uh, lighten the mood, heh heh…"
Another drop of water hit his head. He thought it was a splash from the sea, but then he looked up and saw the clouds.
It began to pour.
Bowser sighed, his mane quickly getting drenched. "We'd better get some shelter. It's gettin' dark, and we can't sleep out in the rain like this."
The sopping wet Dedede got up and walked past him, toward the Koopa's airship. "For once, today, you're making sense."
They boarded the airship, trying not to slip on its wet wooden planks, and Bowser led Dedede downstairs, into the ship's quarters. His mane was flopping over his eyes, and he had to constantly brush it away.
That… kiss…
As they got inside the ship's belly and out of the rain, the Koopa grabbed a pair of towels for them to dry off.
Smackin' lips with Dede definitely didn't help with my weird feelings about him…
They got into the quarters and Bowser held out his arm, gesturing around. It was a big room, with about a dozen beds, and they were all king-sized. Lit by oil lamps, it had a cozy feeling, aided by the simple wooden architecture. "Make yerself at home."
Dedede threw off his vest, which hit the ground with a loud, wet slap.
The Koopa tried hard not to stare.
When he's shirtless all I wanna do is grab him, Bowser thought. There's no rational explanation for this. I must be… interested in him. But I can't be!
Dedede dried himself with the towel quickly, perfunctorily, and then crawled into one of the beds, laying on his side, facing away from Bowser.
He doesn't wanna look at me after that fiasco… And here I am, still feelin' his mouth against my own.
"S-so… about what you said," Dedede stammered. "All that sentimental stuff earlier, when I was in that frog body."
Fuck.
Bowser sighed, face flushing, as he toweled off his legs. "Oh, right… Do we really gotta do this?"
"I fergive you," Dedede muttered, suddenly.
"You… forgive me?" Bowser repeated, sitting down on the bed next to Dedede's.
"You're too stupid to have any bad intentions. You're just a big, dumb baby who can't handle his emotions. You need to mature a lot. But it's understandable, I guess. Clearly you're obsessed with me."
"I ain't obsess– Okay, y'know what? I'll let you have that, ya little prick. But wow… harsh."
"I was mincing my words, actually."
"Grr… I guess that's fair."
Tilting his head to look back at the Koopa, Dedede smirked. "You're damn right it is."
That lil' smirk… makes my heart pound.
Bowser looked off to the side. "Um… thanks for forgivin' me."
"Fergiveness doesn't mean fergettin'," Dedede replied. "I'm still kinda mad and hurt that you cast me away like that. Friends don't do that, Koopa."
Friends, huh…
"Right, right, I'm real sorry. Really. Dede… I, uh… Look, I suck at this kinda stuff, okay?" The reptile wrung out his mane, water dripping onto the warm wooden floorboards. He felt a mixture of uncomfortable emotions.
"Whatever. Just don't do it again."
"I won't."
The penguin rolled around to face him. "Promise?"
His deep blue eyes were much more haunting than the ocean outside. They glistened in the faint, warm glow of the lights.
The Koopa couldn't help smiling. "Yeah."
After Bowser grabbed them some snacks from another room – chips and dip, which were quickly consumed by the starving pair – Dedede brushed the crumbs off of himself and got back into bed. The scaly king turned off the lights and followed the penguin's lead, lying on the other mattress as the wooden frame around it creaked.
Bowser took awhile to fall asleep, which made sense, given the circumstances.
But when he did, his snores filled the room. Loudly.
Despite sounding like a lawn mower, Dedede found it comforting. Soothing.
The bird lay on his back, staring up at the pitch black of the wooden ceiling above his head. Bowser was sleeping in the bed next to him.
Dedede looked over at the Koopa King's face. He appeared troubled, despite snoozing away. His muzzle and eyebrows furrowed at times.
The penguin paid a lot of attention to that muzzle in particular.
Those lips…
Against mine…
Dedede bit his tongue, trying to clear the thoughts away. But they swarmed around in his brain, too stubborn to be ignored.
I'm supposed to be disgusted, right? To never want it to happen again?
But I…
I… I feel so strange.
Uncomfortable. Excited. Terrified. Mesmerized.
There's an ache in my chest. My stomach is in knots.
Just looking at him, I feel like I'm on a roller coaster, and it's outta control. I'm upside-down, I'm going in circles. I can't get my bearings.
I'm flying.
Dedede closed his tired eyes, reluctant to let Bowser out of his sight ever again.
Is this… what romantic love feels like?
Am I falling in love with him? With Bowser?
And if I am…
Would he kiss me again?