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Chapter 9: Atonement
Raegan's Point of View
Kim's directions were vague at best. She had just pointed towards the east. As I walked, a knot of unease tightened in my stomach. It wasn't just the approaching dusk or the way the trees seemed to lean in, whispering secrets I couldn't understand. It was the feeling, pervasive and unsettling, that everyone I'd met at the bonfire knew something that I didn't.
Were they werewolves? That thought had continued to cross my mind. But something else felt amiss, even if the legends were true. Even if the legends were true?
Wait. What the fuck. Who was I? Believing in the supernatural? Believing in werewolves and vampires? This was absurd.
Maybe my depression and anxiety had turned into psychosis. Maybe that's why I was believing in the supernatural, believing in werewolves and vampires. And I was ready to believe it so easily. So pathetically. I felt as though I was turning crazy.
I didn't know where I was really going. Maybe in the wrong direction? It was getting late. Then, in my peripheral I saw two massive, muscular, tanned guys walking into a small, red bungalow on the edge of where the forest began. The men looked just like the group at the bonfire, excepct I couldn't see from this distance, which guys they were. From afar, they all had similar figures.
The feeling of unease intensified tenfold when I reached Sam's house. Or at least, what I assumed was Sam's house: a small, red bungalow that seemed absurdly inadequate housing for the two massive, muscular, tanned guys I saw swaggering inside.
I hesitated, my hand hovering over the peeling paint of the doorframe. Taking a deep breath, I knocked.
The door swung open, and a shadow fell over me, blocking out most of the remaining sunlight stood a man who hulked over the entryway. He was impossibly tall, even more impossibly muscular, and radiated a heat that made me want to shrink away. He was also, unsurprisingly, tanned the color of rich mahogany.
"You must be...?" he rumbled, his voice surprisingly gentle.
"I'm... I'm here to see Paul. Kim said he'd be here." I stammered, suddenly feeling very small.
He smiled, a disarming flash of white teeth against his bronzed skin. I recognized him from the bonfire, but I couldn't remember his name, he seemed older, I probably didn't talk to him much.
"I'm Sam. And you are?"
"Uh, I'm… Raegan." I introduced myself, feeling awkward under his intense gaze.
"Well, Raegan, Paul's... busy right now." Sam said, the apologetic smile returning. It was a strange expression on such a powerful face.
"I'll tell him to find you when he's free. I'll tell him you stopped by." Sam told me.
Something was definitely off. He was too polite, too eager to reassure. The apologies felt forced, like a carefully rehearsed play. The feeling of being on the outside of a secret slammed into me again, harder this time.
My mind, already primed by the strangeness of the evening, began to conjure up absurd possibilities. Werewolves? The image flashed unbidden, ridiculous and yet… unsettlingly plausible. No, that was insane. But the seed of doubt had been planted.
"Okay," I managed, my voice sounding thin and reedy in the face of his overwhelming presence.
"Just tell him I stopped by."
I turned and started back down the dirt driveway, my steps quickening. I needed to get away, needed to clear my head. As I neared the edge of the property, I heard a series of low growls coming from the small clearing nestled between the trees.
Curiosity, and perhaps a morbid sense of foreboding, compelled me to stop. Peering through the trees, I saw two shirtless figures locked in a violent struggle. They were covered in sweat and dirt, fists flying, bodies slamming against the rough ground. Even from this distance, the intensity of their fight was palpable.
I watched, mesmerized and horrified, as the fight escalated. Then, something impossible happened.
The two men suddenly transformed into wolves as they fought. The punch aimed at the other man turned into a claw, his whole body into a wolf mid punch.
Before my eyes, the men dissolved and reformed, becoming wolves. Two massive wolves, snarling and snapping, tore at each other with a ferocity that eclipsed anything I had ever witnessed. Their eyes, glowing with primal rage, locked onto each other, oblivious to everything else.
My breath hitched. Werewolves. The ridiculous thought I'd dismissed just minutes ago now felt like a terrifying reality. They were real. And I was witnessing it. Panic seized me, urging me to flee.
I turned to run, my heart pounding in my chest. But fate, it seemed, had other plans. My foot landed on a twig, concealed beneath a layer of fallen leaves. The branch snapped, the sharp crack echoing in the sudden silence of the clearing.
The two wolves, still locked in combat a moment ago, instantly stopped. Their heads snapped up, their yellow eyes focusing on me. I was exposed, caught in the full glare of their predatory stare.
Suddenly, a wave of dizziness washed over me. The ground beneath my feet felt unstable, shifting like sand. The trees began to blur, swirling around me in a disorienting dance. The air grew thick and heavy, pressing down on me. My knees buckled.
My vision tunneled. The wolves, their eyes glowing in the darkness, seemed to rush towards me.
The last thing I saw before darkness consumed me were the two wolves, their eyes burning with an unreadable intensity, before the world dissolved into a swirling vortex of black.
The image was seared into my mind. They were werewolves. It was real. This wasn't some prank gone wrong; this was something of ancient legends and I had stumbled right into the middle of it.
And then, everything went black. I was falling, falling into a bottomless abyss, the terrifying reality of what I'd witnessed swallowing me whole as I slowly began to faint.
...
Jacob's Point of View
The walk to Sam's house was usually a peaceful one, the air thick with the scent of pine and damp earth. But today, it was different. Today, the air hummed with a strange energy, a vibration that resonated deep in my bones. And then, I smelled her. Raegan.
That damn lavender perfume, subtle yet persistent, overlaid with the faintest whisper of weed. A scent that clung to her, a scent that was uniquely Raegan. It was a scent that made my heart stutter, a scent I hadn't allowed myself to indulge in for too long. A scent I hadn't been close enough to indulge in, in days.
As I rounded the familiar bend in the road leading to Sam's, I saw her. She was near the edge of the clearing, by the ragged line of trees that marked the beginning of the forest. She was peering into the underbrush, her brows furrowed in concentration, as if trying to decipher a hidden message. Her dark hair was pulled back in a messy bun, revealing the delicate curve of her neck.
Then I heard it. A low, guttural growl, carried on the breeze from deep within the forest. It wasn't just any growl. It was a growl I knew too well, a growl laced with territorial warning, a growl that belonged to my brothers.
Raegan must have heard it too. She froze for a moment, her eyes widening, her lips parting slightly. Then, she whirled around, her face pale, and started to move away, almost at a run. She ran towards me for just a few steps, not seeming to notice me. I caught a glimpse of her expression. Stark terror. She'd seen them. Wolves. My brothers.
Then, she fainted.
My legs reacted before my brain could process the situation. I surged forward, adrenaline flooding my veins. I had to reach her, had to protect her.
But Paul was quicker.
He was already in the forest, a blur of motion against the deep green. He was closer, as a wolf and then phasing back to human mid stride, pulling on his cutoffs as he ran.
He reached Raegan before I could even close the distance. Without hesitation, he scooped her up into his arms, cradling her against his chest. Her head lolled against his shoulder, her dark hair spilling over his arm.
Paul ignored me completely, as he strode towards Sam's house, his eyes hard, his jaw clenched. The air crackled with unspoken tension, a mix of protectiveness and raw, untamed power.
He pushed open the door to Sam's house, the sound echoing in the sudden silence. The door slammed shut behind him, leaving me standing alone on the path, the lavender scent of Raegan lingering in the air, mingling with the earthy aroma of the forest.
Raegan's scent still lingered and the full force of it had hit me, leaving me frozen in place outside of Sam's house. Raegan's scent washed over me in a wave, drowning out the earth and pine. Lavender, weed, Raegan. The combination was potent, overwhelming. It ignited a fierce, possessive fire within me, a desperate, undeniable pull. My hands clenched into fists, my heart hammered against my ribs. I felt an intense craving to be close to her, to go touch her, to go protect her. To go hold her.
I shook my head, trying to clear the fog. This was wrong. This wasn't me. This… this possessive urge, this desperate longing, was alien and unsettling. It was too raw, too visceral, too real. The feeling threatened to consume me, blurring the line between reason and instinct.
I stumbled, my feet suddenly heavy. This was wrong, utterly wrong. I dragged myself forward, following the path Paul had forged through the yard. He'd already disappeared inside. Mechanically, I mounted the porch steps, each footfall echoing the frantic beat of my heart. Reaching the door, I pushed it open and stepped inside, then closed it firmly behind me, sealing myself in.
The scene in the living room was not as boisterous as it usually was. Paul had laid Raegan gently on Sam's old, floral-patterned couch. He hovered over her, his brow furrowed with worry as he checked her pulse. The air in the room vibrated with her scent, amplified by the enclosed space.
I stood frozen in the doorway, the conflicting emotions threatening to tear me apart. Slowly I got myself together and walked closer to Raegan. I could hear the rhythmic sigh of Raegan's breath. She was sprawled on the faded floral couch, limbs at odd angles like a discarded doll. Passed out.
Normally, my world was centered on Bella. She was my gravity, my sun, everything else just faded into the background. I didn't really see other girls, not in that way. They were just…there. Part of the scenery.
But looking at Raegan, sprawled out like this, was different. It was like someone had finally adjusted the focus on a long-blurred image. Raegan was beautiful. Gorgeous, even. The thought felt traitorous, a forbidden whisper in the quiet chambers of my mind.
Her long brown hair flowed across the arm of the couch like liquid chocolate. Her long eyelashes, darkened with a smudge of what I assumed was yesterday's mascara, lay heavy against her cheek. Even in sleep, she had a certain vibrancy, a spark that the sleepy, damp atmosphere of LaPush couldn't quite extinguish.
And her clothes. I had noticed Raegan's clothes before, at the bonfire and when I was yelling at her. Fuck, I was such a dick. Raegan always wore something…different.
Today it was just a pair of gray sweats. She must be tired today. God, I've already put her through so much. The girls in LaPush wore the same outfits, practical and unremarkable. Raegan was a splash of color in a monochrome world.
Her scent was a strange, intoxicating blend of lavender perfume and weed. A jarring combination, but somehow it suited her. It was the scent of a free spirit, someone unapologetically herself.
I sat in the armchair across from her, my hands clasped tightly in my lap. Guilt gnawed at me. I shouldn't be thinking about her like this. Bella was my everything. But…Bella wasn't here. And Raegan was, radiating an unexpected pull that I couldn't ignore any longer.
I knew I was being stupid, indulging in a fleeting moment of…what? Infatuation? Curiosity? Something more dangerous? Regardless, I was letting my thoughts drift into dangerous waters. Regardless of the imprint, my goal was to just be friends with Raegan, nothing more. Bella was who I loved.
I watched her chest rise and fall, the slow, steady rhythm reassuring.
"Did she seen you as a wolf?" I asked Paul, gesturing towards the unconscious Raegan. My stomach twisted with a knot of anxiety. Her sudden presence in our lives had been chaotic enough. Throwing werewolves into the mix…
Paul ran a hand through his messy, dark hair.
"She saw me phase while I was fighting Brady."
"Damn," I sighed, sinking into the worn armchair opposite the couch.
"Tell me about it," Paul muttered, his brow furrowed with worry.
"She'll probably wake up confused as fuck." I said, stating the obvious. Raegan was probably a smart girl, but she was also a pragmatic one. Werewolves wouldn't fit neatly into her worldview.
"How much did she see?" I asked Paul.
"Enough." Paul replied, his voice tight. "Enough to know it wasn't a hallucination."
The air hung thick with unspoken words. The last time I was in Raegan's presence, I'd been cold, dismissive, even bordering on cruel. Now, she knew our secret. A secret I had been so fiercely guarding.
"Are you ready to be here for her now?" Paul asked me, his gaze unwavering. "Are you ready to fight for her?"
The question stung. Fight for her? In what way? I knew that Paul wanted me to accept the imprint, fight for her. But I had only conceded to the idea that I would be her friend. And, I owed her one hell of an apology. I looked down at her. She was vulnerable now, thrown headfirst into a reality she wasn't prepared for.
I hesitated. "I'm…ready to be her friend." A weak answer, I knew, but the best I could muster. The truth was, I wasn't ready to fight for anyone other than Bella right now. On top of that, my head was enough of a battle at the moment.
"I want to apologize to her. I owe her an apology," I said, the words tasting like ash in my mouth.
"Yeah, you do." said Paul, his voice holding a trace of disappointment.
We talked for a while, trying to figure out the best way to explain things. How much to tell her, how to gauge her reaction, how to convince her we weren't completely insane. The grandfather clock in the hallway ticked loudly, each second amplifying the impending awkwardness. When we'd entered, Sam had retreated to patrol and left the two of us to explain everything.
My eyes kept drifting back to Raegan. Her chest rose and fell with a slow, steady rhythm. The floral pattern of the couch, a faded symphony of roses and vines, looked almost comical beneath her. I felt a pang of guilt. She hadn't asked for any of this.
Just as I was about to suggest getting some water ready for her when she woke up – rehydrating was key after experiencing an event like this – Raegan's eyelids fluttered. Slowly, painstakingly, she opened her eyes. They were glazed over, unfocused at first, but then a flicker of recognition dawned. She blinked, trying to clear the fog.
Paul was instantly at her side, kneeling next to the couch. "Raegan? You okay?" he asked, his voice laced with concern.
Raegan squinted, focusing on Paul's face. "Paul?" she mumbled, her voice thick with sleep and alcohol. She tried to sit up, but her head lolled back against the cushion.
"Easy, easy," Paul said, gently pushing her back down. "Just take it slow."
Her gaze drifted to me, widened slightly, then returned to Paul. The gears were turning in her head, slowly grinding away the fog of intoxication. I saw a flicker of fear, quickly masked by confusion.
"What...what happened?" she whispered, the question hanging in the air.
Paul took a deep breath, his eyes meeting mine for a fleeting second. The unspoken question hung between us: how much did she remember? How much were we going to tell her? The moment of truth had arrived. The silence stretched, thick and heavy, until Raegan spoke again.
"Paul...I...I think I saw something. Something...crazy."
…
Paul explained everything to Raegan, what we are, how we phased for the first time, what we do, our treaty with the Cullens, the vampires after Bella. He explained everything except imprinting. I had stayed sitting on the chair adjacent to her. I didn't say much. I added in little details to Paul's explanation a little bit, but I kept relatively quiet, let Raegan take it all in.
When Paul finished and Raegan was done asking her questions, Paul looked to me.
"Jacob has something to say to you." Paul in my direction. Then he looked back at Raegan.
"Is it okay if I leave you guys to talk. He wants to apologize." He told Raegan quietly. Raegan looked up to Jacob for the first timesince the whole conversation had started.
"Sure." She said quietly.
Paul walked out of the living room, leaving the two of us alone in the room. I looked up at Raegan from the chair, then stood up and walked to the wall infront of her. I leaned against it and looked down at Raegan.
She was sitting up on the couch now, no longer lying down. Her long brown hair was a little messy, from having passed out in the grass. Raegan had a little mud on her one cheek and atop her clothes. Her green eyes were wide, from learning so much new information. But her forehead was creased in worry. To spare her any more worry, I decided to just get to it. Say what needed to be said. I took a breath.
"I'm sorry for being a dick." I told her.
"I'm sorry for yelling at you, being harsh, telling you not to be friends with all the friends you made." I said, looking her in her eyes.
"I was mad about…" I trailed off not knowing what to say. I was mad that I'd imprinted on her, mad at myself. But I didn't want to tell her that I'd imprinted on her yet. Not yet. My goal my was to apologize and then see if we could be friends. That was all.
"I was mad at myself, and I was taking it out on you." I told her.
"I've been dealing with some stuff and you being new, being close to our secrets, I lashed out." I said, lying through my teeth.
And, it hurt. Lying to Raegan felt like I was sticking a metal pole through my abdomen. It hurt to lie to my imprint. Stupid imprint. My whole stomach felt like it was burning with acid. But, I grit my teeth and continued.
"I'm sorry Raegan. Now that the truths out, I'd like to be…" I hesitated.
"...your friend." I finished.
"I'd like the chance to be your friend and get to know you." I told her earnestly, looking into her confused lush, green eyes. Then I just looked at her, waiting for her response. She now longer looked worried, just puzzled, confused. I don't think she was expecting getting an apology from me. I watched her inhale, my strong senses hearing her little intake of air as she breathed in a shaky breath.
"I was angry at you. But I guess your explanation covers it." Raegan told me skeptically, not totally convinced or impressed by my explanation. She was smart. My imprint was smart. She probably felt like she was getting lied to and she would be right. My stomach throbbed again, painfully, as if it was stabbed by something.
Damn, lying to my imprint hurt. I almost doubled over in pain, felt like falling over to the floor. But I kept my cool facade, kept leaning against the wall.
"I'm okay with trying to be friends, I guess." She said doubtfully, her mouth in a frown, eyebrows creased, not totally convinced by my apology.
"I guess now that I know the truth, we have to be, huh?" Raegan asked.
I chuckled, covering my pain at her words and expression. Raegan did not want to be friends. And it hurt. Her rejection, her carefully curated "maybe" in a tone that screamed she was upset that she'd have to even tolerate me now, hurt more than anyone could ever know.
The pull I felt towards Raegan was so strong, so visceral. It was a force I couldn't explain, a magnetic pull, gravitational pull that had consumed my thoughts for days. And, she clearly did not want to even be friends with me. She seemed reluctant to want to be friends. And it hurt. Her rejection felt like I was being stabbed in the heart, in the chest. Her expression, her words, her tone, hurt so much.
"Yeah, I guess we do," I responded with a chuckle, trying to sound nonchalant.
"But starting fresh would be nice? If we could do that? If we could start over, become real friends, I'd at least like a chance. I'd like a chance to apologize, build your trust and be someone you can count on," I said, trying hard to get her to be my friend, or at least consider the real possibility of it, pleading for her to consider me an ally. The "apology" was a crucial point. I had messed up, royally. When I had yelled at her in the school hallway, it had been fueled by my own insecurities.
She looked at me from the couch earnestly this time. Her eyebrows no longer creased into that sharp knot of annoyance. She seemed to be accepting my genuine apology and considering the possibility of being friends. The possibility flickered in her eyes, a fragile spark of hope in the vast darkness of my current despair. My heart pounded in my chest, each beat a desperate plea.
"Sure, let's start fresh," she told me. The words were simple, yet they carried the weight of the world. Or perhaps, my world.
I laughed, a real laugh this time, relieved at her words. Her words were a life raft in a storm of my inner turmoil. I hung on to her words, clinging to the promise of a new beginning. The pull towards Raegan was so strong, and finally, I was feeling some relief in this conversation. A tiny sliver of sunshine broke through the clouds.
"I'm Jacob, but you can call me Jake," I told her, walking over to her and extending my hand for a shake. It was a silly formality, but it felt right. A symbolic gesture of starting anew. The air crackled with a strange energy.
She gripped my hand and shook it from where she sat. The touch was brief, hesitant, almost shy, but warm, impossibly warm. Sparks, tiny electric jolts, felt like they were flying between us. Her touch felt magnetic, pulling me closer, grounding me, stealing the air from my lungs. It almost made me fall to my knees.
Was this what it felt like? This was the first time I had ever touched my imprint, and it felt like the world itself had just spun on its axis. Everything before this moment felt insignificant, a prelude to this single, electric touch.
Raegan's eyes widened and so did mine. I immediately pulled my hand away and walked back a few feet. I drew in a shaky breath. I saw Raegan do the same.
"I'm Raegan, but you can call me Rae," she said with a small smile. It was a genuine smile, not the polite, strained expression she had worn earlier. It reached her eyes, softening her features and making her even more beautiful. I pulled my hand away and walked back a few feet.
Maybe, just maybe, this could work. Maybe I could navigate this treacherous path and earn her friendship. The road ahead was still uncertain, but for the first time in days, I felt a glimmer of hope. And that, in itself, was a victory.
…
But her touch, the way her hand had felt in mine, had felt so magnetic, warm, magical. Sparks had flown. Our connection was so strong, so visceral, and she didn't even know that she was my imprint, that I had imprinted on her. I was still fighting for Bella. Bella, who had already chosen Edward. I felt so selfish, so guilty. Guilt ran through me like a cold wave.
I needed to get out of here. The air was thick with unspoken feelings, mine, at least. Hers seemed to be a mixture of cautious curiosity and a surprising openness at the end. I couldn't breathe. I had to escape before I did or said something that would irrevocably alter the fragile balance we were beginning to establish. I gave her my phone number, put it into her phone, and then hesitsated, looking towards the door.
"I... I should go," I stammered, my voice cracking.
"It was nice meeting you, Rae. Really." I told her.
Her smile faltered, a flicker of confusion crossing her face.
"Oh. Okay. See you around, I guess?" She said.
I turned and practically fled, my feet kicking up dust as I hurried out the door, across the clearing and back into the cool embrace of the woods. The scent of pine needles and damp earth did little to quell the turmoil within me.
How could I feel this way? It was wrong. Bella was... Bella was supposed to be it. My soulmate. The other half of my incomplete whole. But the truth was, Bella had chosen Edward.
And now, standing here, lost in the woods and even more lost in my own head, I had to admit, the connection between Bella and I had never felt like this. It had been comfortable, familiar, a deep-seated affection. But it hadn't been electric. It hadn't felt like the universe realigning itself.
Rae's touch had.
The guilt intensified, a heavy weight in my chest. I was betraying Bella, betraying the loyalty I had sworn. But the imprint... it was an undeniable force, a primal instinct. Could I fight it?
I sank to my knees against the rough bark of a towering pine. Tears pricked at my eyes, a mixture of grief, shame, and a bewildering sense of hope. I was torn between the past and the potential future, between loyalty and fate.
The woods remained silent, offering no answers, only the whisper of the wind through the branches and the steady thumping of my own conflicted heart. I knew one thing for certain: this was only the beginning. The road ahead would be paved with difficult choices, and the consequences of those choices would shape not only my life, but Rae's and Bella's as well. And somehow, I had to navigate it all without destroying us all in the process.
That's when my phone rang in my pocket. I opened it up. It was Quil.
"Hey." I said, my voice thick with unshed tears and the turmoil raging within me.
"Hey Jake. If you still want me and Embry to be your backup at Bella's graduation party at the Cullens tonight, we better get a move on. We're already late. Do you still wanna go?" He asked.
The party. I had completely forgotten. It felt like a lifetime ago that Bella had invited me, her eyes shining with anticipation. The conversation felt foreign, distant, almost unreal now. But, I had to go, for Bella. I couldn't forget about her, not now. I had to see her, more than ever, and remind myself why I loved her. Remind myself that this… this imprint with Rae… had to be wrong.
At the party, I'd have to keep my memories, my mind clear of anything that had to do with Rae. I couldn't let that bludsucker read my mind and find out I'd imprinted before I'd even come to terms with it myself.
"Yeah, I'll meet you at Embry's in five." I said to Quil, forcing a semblance of normalcy into my voice.
"I'm down. Let's go." I replied, trying to ignore the internal earthquake tearing me apart.
I hung up and pushed myself to my feet. The resolve to see Bella, to honor my commitment to her, hardened within me. I owed her that much. But as I turned and started to run towards Embry's, the image of Rae's face flashed in my mind. The pull was still there, a persistent undercurrent threatening to drag me back.
Word of The Day:
Atonement: satisfaction or reparation for a wrong or injury; amends.
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