Author Note: (looks at previous chapter's promise for an update by New Year) …did I say New Year? I meant - um - Lunar New Year! (checks calendar again) …oh. Umm…Hindu New Year? Yeah. That New Year. Totally.
Seriously, though - apologies. I need to stop making promises about when the next post will be, because I always sabotage myself. Plus, with life being life, brains being brains, and the world going to hell in a handbasket, sometimes it's just hard to get into the right headspace. I am going to try writing a little bit daily, though, so that I'm not limiting myself to "when I feel like it." Thank you all for your continued support - your comments do make a big difference and always make me smile!
Small (in)consistency warning: I use fukutaicho, lieutenant, and vice-captain interchangeably. I also might switch between "Human World" and "Living World." Because fuck the system.
Back Then
A gentle sunbeam floated through the open window, following a soft, dew-scented breeze. A bird began to sing, then another, then another, announcing the arrival of the beautiful dawn. One little finch flitted onto the sill of the window and peeked curiously inside, letting out a cheerful chirp -
WHAP!
The finch fluttered away with an indignant titter, barely dodging the sandal the occupant had launched in its direction. Inside, a small figure groaned and turned away from the window and its intrusive sunbeam, pulling the covers in closer.
Fuck this day. Fuck all the days leading up to it, too. Fuck everything! She'd worked her ass off for years to get this far - why did things have to change so suddenly?!
Hiyori ground her teeth, another groan leaving her groggy throat. Fuck fuck fuck …she knew she couldn't hide in bed all day. She was still the lieutenant of Division 12, dammit, even with her captain gone. She didn't hide from shit.
With a final, louder groan, she pushed herself up, forcing herself to her feet and letting her blanket fall away. Fuck this day - but she was still Sarugaki Fucking Hiyori, and she wasn't about to let the world forget that.
The other members of Division 12 gave her a wide berth as she passed; chatter dropped dead when she entered a room. Hiyori didn't care. She threw glares out left and right, daring anyone to act like things were remotely normal. Nothing was normal about this! Hikifune-taicho hadn't died. She hadn't been killed in the line of duty or rendered unable to serve. She hadn't retired. Fuck, Hiyori barely understood what did happen! One day she went to her captain's office to find it being emptied by a bunch of veiled goons, and Hikifune herself was nowhere to be found. No one would tell her anything, and then she got summoned to a meeting of captains and lieutenants to be unceremoniously informed that Hikifune had been promoted? To the Royal fucking Guard?!
That was the worst part: Hiyori knew she couldn't be legitimately angry at her captain for any of this, nor could she be angry with the higher-ups who made the decision. This was a great honor for Hikifune, something that only happened to a Shinigami once every several centuries, according to some of the captains. Hell, Hiyori didn't even know the Royal Guard pulled from the Gotei in the first place.
Then, the shitty icing on the shitty cake… he was supposed to be her new captain?! Urahara Kisuke?! It had been well over a century, but she still remembered how every time that baldy showed up at the Academy, Kaede would be recovering for days afterward, leaving Hiyori to look after her. No one else ever had before, apparently, which was just another turd to add to the shitlist she had for the man. And then - and then! - he took Kaede away to the fucking spy division without even so much as a how-do-you-do! Just…nope, Kaede's an assassin now, fuck you!
The small part of Hiyori's brain that acknowledged the existence of logic knew that Kaede's lot wasn't entirely Urahara Kisuke's fault, nor was the fact that her friend had grown progressively distant over the years. Kaede's situation was…unique. Hiyori didn't care for politics, but being a lieutenant did give her a little more insight into the inner workings of the Seireitei, and that shit was fucked up on the best of days. There wasn't much she could do about it; she wouldn't even know where to begin if she could. All she could do was keep her little corner clean, so that's what she focused on.
Fuck if she was gonna let Urahara fucking Kisuke ruin that.
Hiyori continued to fume as she stomped over to the division's main assembly hall. The man himself was supposed to formally introduce himself today, and she had to be there - both because of her position, but also to make sure the rest of the division didn't get too comfortable just yet. As far as she was concerned, it didn't matter that the Captain-Commander and a bunch of other officials had deemed Urahara worthy of heading her division; he had to earn that placement and -
Her steps slowed. What the fuck was a crowd doing at the training grounds right now?
With a scowl, Hiyori changed course and pushed up the sleeves of her shihakusho. Slacking was not something she tolerated, and if these fuckers thought that just because Hikifune was gone that gave them a blank check to do whatever, they had another thing coming! She filled her lungs to the max and used every ounce of anger and frustration to amplify her voice.
"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU LAZY SHITS DOING?!"
Every Shinigami back went pin-straight and a chorus of "Sarugaki-fukutaicho!" filled the yard. Hiyori stood with her arms folded, foot tapping, waiting for an explanation.
"Eh…" One brave Shinigami spoke up. "The captain - I mean, the new captain!" he amended when her scowling face pinched further. "He called us out here for a demonstration, so…"
"Demonstration of what?" Hiyori demanded, not bothering to try and see over their heads.
"Ah, Sarugaki-san!"
Hiyori whirled around to see the dopey face and messy, straw-colored hair of her new "captain" coming toward her. Wait - so what was he "demonstrating" if he wasn't even the one doing it?!
"I'm glad you're here," Urahara greeted her with the same stupid grin he'd worn at his induction ceremony. "I thought you'd be here a little earlier actually-."
"The hell you talking about?!" she bellowed. "I am early! We were supposed to do this at the meeting hall, not the training grounds!"
"Well, I didn't think the hall would be sufficient for-"
"For what? Do we even know who you fuckin' are yet? Just 'cause you're wearin' a captain's haori don't mean you can just do whatever the hell you feel like!"
"Yes, well-"
"And drop that stupid fucking grin! No one's buying it! We know exactly where you came from, and no way are we accepting a two-faced fucker who went around murdering people behind their backs as our captain!"
"Um, fukutaicho," another Shinigami tentatively spoke up, "he is the new captain, maybe you shouldn't-"
"What?!" She spun around to face the rest of the company, who collectively backed up a step. "I'm just sayin' what we're all thinkin'! No way you all wanna take orders from this clown who showed up outta nowhere!"
The Shinigami all shifted uncomfortably, averting their eyes. Urahara let out a nervous-sounding laugh that made Hiyori's blood hit its boiling point. She whipped back around and yanked his collar down so his stupid face was level with hers.
"Don't you 'ha ha' me! I just insulted your division! Doesn't that bother you? Or is there really no honor among - um -"
"You were about to say 'no honor among thieves,' weren't you?"
"The hell I was-" Hiyori froze. It wasn't Urahara who'd said that. No, that was a female voice…a familiar female voice…
The other Shinigami shifted away again, but this time, it was for a different woman in their midst: a taller one, her dark burgundy hair wound back in a tight bun, her pale gold eyes glinting in the sun. She wore a standard shihakusho, but with a black, long-sleeved, high-collared undershirt that hid the tattoo-like marks Hiyori remembered her having.
"I thought there might be some friction," Urahara said while Hiyori was too stunned to speak. "So I figured a little icebreaker would help! Kaede-san is now in Division 12 too. I thought it would be a bit unfair to put myself forth as an opponent, so she volunteered to take on anyone willing to test their skills in hakuda or zanjutsu. No shikai, just swordplay."
Hiyori's head spun with this new information. She was awake, right? This was actually happening? Kaede, whom she hadn't seen or spoken to in…how long was it now?...was just standing there in front of her all casual-like? And was also joining her division? On top of getting a new captain?
And she was only learning about this now?!
"Thing is," Urahara continued, seemingly oblivious to the dangerous aura the lieutenant emitted, "no one has stepped up, so-"
"Whaddya mean, no one's stepped up?!" Hiyori exploded. She glared at the other Shinigami. "What's the matter with all you?! You're makin' our division look like a bunch o' babies!" When no one would even make eye contact with her, she huffed. "Fine! Guess it's up to me to defend our honor, ain't it? Lazy shits!"
She glanced up to Kaede, who looked back with a raised brow. "Well? We doin' this or what?"
"Hakuda or zanjutsu?" Kaede replied, one hand on the hilt of her zanpakuto.
"Hakuda," she grunted. "They don't use swords much in the Stealth Corps, right? Wouldn't be fair to put you at a disadvantage, an' we do things fair here."
She thought she saw Kaede's lips twitch upward toward a smile as she passed. "Just like old times, then."
Oh, it wouldn't be just like old times, Hiyori thought as they took their starting stances. She might not have been able to beat Kaede often back in their Academy days, but it had been a long time since then. She'd show just how much she'd grown in skill, even without Kaede around.
"Hakuda?" she heard someone mutter in the crowd. "She's going up against the lieutenant in hand-to-hand combat? I can't believe it…"
"Yeah, but isn't that, like, the Stealth Corps' specialty? I wonder if the lieutenant will be okay…"
"...just glad it's not me, either way. I've heard of that woman-"
"-call her the 'Bloodhound'-"
"-Catastrophe-"
"OY!" Hiyori snapped at the crowd. Had things really not changed since her Academy days? "Shut yer faces if you're just gonna gossip like old grannies! You all are too scared to fight, so pay attention and learn something, will ya?!"
They quieted down.
"Gotta say," Kaede said, "I'm surprised you chose hakuda. You do know that's what Stealth Corps is known for ri-"
Hiyori cut her off with a two-footed kick to the face. Kaede blocked, but had to hop back a bit from the sheer force.
"What's the matter?" Hiyori drawled with a smirk. "Ain't sneak attacks somethin' you all are known for too?"
Kaede grinned, and to Hiyori, the rest of the world faded away and they were just two Academy students again. "Still attacking from the front, I see. Predictable."
Hiyori returned her devilish grin with one of her own. "Come at me, an' I'll show ya how predictable I am!"
Kaede flickered from her view. Hiyori spun to block a low kick from the side with both hands, using Kaede's leg like a vault to launch herself into a headstand. She spun on her hands and her foot hit something solid - but it was only an arm, blocking the spin-kick. She pushed off Kaede's leg and hopped a few feet back before her opponent could get ahold of her.
"Pretty good," Kaede commended. "You've gotten a lot faster."
"That's not all," Hiyori promised, still grinning. She ran at Kaede, but instead of a straight line, she flash-stepped in a zig-zag pattern before leaping high into the air above Kaede's head. Again, Kaede followed her movement, so when Hiyori came down feet-first, she flash-stepped out of the way. Hiyori crashed into, then through the ground, the impact creating a small crater where landed.
She'd done that to a Hollow once and crushed its skull.
A low whistle sounded from her right. "Impressive. For such a small package, you sure do pack a big punch…" She smirked. "...Hiyori- chan ."
A hush fell over the yard. Hiyori took in a long, slow breath through her nostrils.
Oh, it was on .
She rushed at Kaede again, meeting her head-on for a wild exchange of jabs and kicks. Kaede gave as good as she got, answering blow for blow, neither gaining nor giving ground. The few times they separated to catch their breath, Hiyori was increasingly winded, yet Kaede barely looked phased. Her frustration mounted. She was not letting her win this one - she couldn't let her win this one! She had to be better than that, her division had to be better than that!
She didn't know how long they'd been at it, but it felt like an eternity when - there!
It was a slight hesitation, but it was enough. Hiyori spun, using her shorter stature to her advantage to jam her elbow into Kaede's midsection with enough force to crack a pillar. The other woman doubled over, and Hiyori sealed the deal with a chop to the back of her neck, sending her to the ground face-first.
"That's fukutaicho to you," she growled.
The crowd of Shinigami broke into applause. Shouts of That's our vice-captain! and Way to go, fukutaicho! echoed in the yard, but Hiyori kept her eyes on the prostrated figure. She won…right? It seemed like she won. So why didn't it feel like she won?
Kaede rose to her knees and rubbed the back of her neck with a wince. "Nice one…Hiyori-fukutaicho. Thank you for the spar." She then bowed, and while she still had a small smile on her face, both her expression and her tone were nothing but sincere. "I'm honored to be in your division."
"And I hope we can all learn from each other," came Urahara's annoyingly cheerful voice. "Especially after such an excellent display of-"
Hiyori turned and kicked him in the nuts - or tried to. Where his balls should've been, her foot hit something solid and decidedly not fleshy, and was it her imagination or did she hear a metallic clang? Within a split second of registering all that, her foot exploded in white-hot pain.
Silence once again fell over the crowd as the Shinigami stared in shock at her behavior.
"Don't think this means I accept you as our captain," she managed to growl through the pain. "This proves nothing!"
She walked away as quickly as she could without seeming like she was running away. Not that she was running away - she just thought the whole spectacle was ridiculous, and she had better things to do!
Once she was out of sight and earshot, she crouched down and cradled her throbbing foot. "Fuck-fuck-fuck-fuck-fuck! What the fuck does he wear under there?!"
"Sorry," came a soft voice from just a few feet away. "I might have warned him to wear a cup for the first few weeks."
Hiyori's head snapped up. Kaede leaned up against the support column of the veranda, looking none the worse for wear after their spar. That was what made it click in Hiyori's mind.
"You sneaky bastard," she hissed. "You threw the match!"
Kaede's head cocked to the side. "Not sure what you mean."
"You did!" She pointed up at her accusingly. "That opening - you never woulda let that happen before! An' no way would you go down so easy!"
"I wouldn't say it was easy, " Kaede protested weakly, rubbing the back of her neck. "You really do pack a lot of raw power."
Hiyori seethed. "But you ain't sayin' you didn't lose on purpose. What? You think I couldn't take you in a fair fight?"
"There's no such thing as a 'fair' fight," Kaede retorted, but her tone was…defeated. For a second, Hiyori forgot her outrage and got a real, hard look at her old friend.
She looked…tired. Her cheeks were hollow, she had dark shadows under her eyes that Hiyori could swear hadn't been there before, and now that the cocky grin was gone, her eyes seemed dull and lifeless.
Hiyori looked away. It was weird; they were both fully clothed, but she suddenly felt like she'd walked in on Kaede naked. "You still didn't have to let me win."
"I didn't want you to lose face in front of your division," Kaede offered. "I'm not here for your position, Hiyori. There was no need to prove I'm better than you at anything."
"I ain't worried about losing my position to you!" Hiyori snapped. "But it ain't fair if you're just gonna throw a fight for no reason!"
"I had reasons. Gave you one already."
"Yeah, but it don't mean nothin' if I know you lost on purpose!" Hiyori's fists slammed into the floor. "What do you think that does for me? It does jack shit, that's what! How am I supposed to know where we stand if you're always holdin' back?!"
Hiyori ducked her head as her eyes began to sting. No, she wasn't going to cry. She didn't cry when Hikifune left, she wasn't gonna cry now!
A floorboard creaked softly as Kaede sank down beside her. "I'm sorry. It wasn't…I wasn't trying to insinuate anything. Urahara-san - Urahara- taicho and I didn't want anyone in the division thinking that I was being brought in to replace you or something."
"No one's replacin' anyone," Hiyori muttered, trying to keep her voice from shaking. "I ain't acceptin' him as a captain. Hikifune-taicho is my captain, not him!"
"You didn't get to say goodbye to her, did you?"
"Yeah, well what else is new?"
She didn't mean for that to be aimed at the person next to her. Or maybe she did. What did it matter? Everything sucked, these feelings sucked, and she didn't know what to do with them!
The floorboards shook with the pounding of feet, prompting them both to look up.
"Fukutaicho! Fukutaicho!" A breathless Shinigami ran up and dropped to one knee. "Please forgive me, but we didn't know who to go to-"
"What's going on?" Hiyori demanded.
"Eiji's group, ma'am," the Shinigami panted. "With the new recruits - he hasn't checked in for two days now!"
"And? It's basically a camping trip. They ain't gotta report in for that shit."
"Yes, but we have word of increased Hollow activity in that area!"
That made her jump to her feet. "What? Why didn't you say that first?! And why're you only tellin' me now?!"
"We only just realized!" The Shinigami touched his forehead to the ground in apology. "I'm sorry! We didn't think anything of Eiji's team either until we got this report, and no one put the two together until just now, and with the new captain coming we weren't sure who to…"
" Bullshit!" Hiyori smacked the back of his head. "You always come to me first, it don't matter who the captain is! Now gimme the coordinates - I'll take care of this myself!"
The Shinigami hastily handed over a crinkled page he'd had clenched in his hand. "They're in the Kirikiri region - this is as much as we could narrow it down. We can send out scouts to-"
"There's no time for that," Hiyori snapped, skimming the map and swearing again. The Kirikiri region was a good dozen kilometers of uninhabited, foggy mountainside - even if they deployed the entire division for this, it could take them hours to find the missing team, and by then -
Hiyori shoved away the memory of the first classmate she'd lost to a Hollow. Never again , she'd promised herself. She'd lost some comrades over the years anyway, but never when she could directly stop it; she wasn't about to ruin her streak now.
"Get me some flares or beacons or shit," she barked out to anyone within earshot. "The fog up there's dense as fuck, we'll need 'em to leave a path. I'll go on ahead."
"I'm coming with you," she heard Kaede say.
"I don't need your help," Hiyori retorted automatically - though even she didn't believe her own words.
"Yes, you do," Kaede insisted. "That's a huge area to search. You said it was a training mission, right? I'm guessing not a lot of people frequent that area? I can pinpoint them once we're close enough. How many Hollows have been detected?"
The still-bowing Shinigami shifted uncomfortably. "Um…we don't know for sure…scanners just detected a Garganta opening up in the area sometime last night…"
"LAST NIGHT?!" Hiyori forced herself to take a breath. Hikifune would tell her that this was not the time to be assigning blame. Her comrades' lives were at stake. "Whatever. We're going. Send a support squad with a medic and let Division 4 know they've got incoming. How many were in that group?"
"Five, ma'am!"
"Then five are comin' back," she promised. Someone passed her a bag of beacons; she was ready to go. She shot Kaede a glare. "If you're comin', you better keep up, 'cause I ain't slowin' down!"
For the first time that day, she saw something spark in Kaede's pale eyes. "Yes, ma'am!"
They rushed into the outer reaches of Division 12's Rukongai region in silence at first, which did nothing to shut Hiyori's stupid brain up. How the hell did she let this happen?! What kind of worthless lieutenant was she, letting her division fall apart just because they went a few days without a captain?!
"So you all really call this area 'foggy fog?'"
Hiyori snapped her head around at the random question. "Huh? Yeah, well, fog's thick as balls out there, you can't see shit two feet in front o' your face."
"Don't think I'd want to see shit that was two feet in front of my face," Kaede muttered.
"You know what I fucking mean! Just…focus on finding them, will you?!"
"Will do, once we're in range. I'm good, but-" Kaede squinted ahead. "Nevermind. Got 'em. Five Shinigami signatures, three Hollows. Should be able to tell you more when we get closer. Helps that this area is deserted."
Hiyori's eyes widened a bit. They were barely at the foot of the Kirikiri mountain, and she already felt that much? "So…you do this kinda thing in the Sneaky Killer Unit a lot?"
Now it was Kaede's turn to give curt answers. "Sometimes."
Hiyori hesitated for a fraction of a second before giving into her curiosity. "Hollows? Or people?"
Only after the question left her mouth did she wonder whether she wanted to know the answer.
Kaede replied with a short, "Both."
Hiyori's stomach twisted. Yes, the Stealth Corps had a very specific reputation, and yes, she'd been fine throwing out accusations at Urahara…but even though it had been over a century since Kaede's appointment to that division, Hiyori still had a hard time reconciling with her old friend being a killer. Well, a killer of more than just Hollows.
"I don't like what they do," she stated, feeling like she needed to make that perfectly clear - like this wasn't something she was sure Kaede was already aware of. "It ain't right, spying on your own people an' doin' shady shit."
"I'm well aware of your opinions about 'two-faced fuckers who go around murdering people behind their backs.'"
Hiyori flinched. "I wasn't talkin' about you."
"I'm not insulted," Kaede clarified. "It's true. A Stealth Corps operative is, by necessity, a duplicitous assassin who must be ready to strike down any threat, no matter its origin. It may seem callous to those who don't have to deal with ugly realities, but it is what it is."
"You think I don't have to deal with ugly realities? Don't act all high an' mighty! You don't know what the fuck I've dealt with since the Academy!"
"You're right," Kaede conceded, sadness softening her voice. "I don't."
They started up the mountainside, and true to its name, the fog immediately obscured everything around them. Hiyori could barely tell that Kaede was just a couple feet to her right, only catching glimpses of her now and then in the thick, patchy mist.
"You sure we're goin' the right way?" she called out after a few minutes.
"Positive," came Kaede's response. "Three Hollows, just two kilometers ahead, all class-A. One's a Huge type. And I'm feeling five distinct Shinigami signatures, two definitely injured or unconscious, but all alive."
Hiyori breathed a little easier at that, but her relief was quickly replaced with awe. "You can sense all that?"
"They didn't call me the 'Bloodhound' for my nose."
So that's what some of the other Shinigami had been chattering about earlier… "Why did they call you that? 'Sides the sensing stuff, I mean."
She heard Kaede sigh. "Still not one for gossip, are you?"
"Hey, that don't mean I don't wanna know! Besides, it's not like I could know anything you've been up to except by gossiping! You ain't exactly been around to talk about the shady shit you do!"
"It's not something I can talk freely about, Hiyori," Kaede said, sounding exasperated.
"See? Like I said - shady shit. If ya can't talk about what ya do, ya shouldn't be doin' it."
Kaede gave no response to that. Hiyori couldn't see her clearly through the fog, but she felt an acute tension in the air between them.
She sighed. "Look. I know it wasn't your choice. It's just that the Stealth Corps ain't exactly known for valuing comrades."
"I've got your back, Hiyori." This time, Kaede did sound offended. "That hasn't changed."
"Yeah, but do you have everyone else's backs in the division?" Hiyori challenged. "'Cause I ain't gonna let some Stealth Corps bullshit about stabbing comrades in the back poison my people."
"You were calling them 'shiteads' and 'babies' earlier."
"Yeah, but they're my shitheads and babies - I mean - you know what I mean!"
"Sounds like you don't think I do."
"Just - ugh !" Hiyori shook her head. "Look, we're goin' in with five Shinigami alive, and we're leavin' with five alive, got it?"
"Seven," she corrected. "We're leaving with seven of our people alive."
The insistence in her tone cut through Hiyori's thorny armor, poking at the squishy bits inside. But before she could do anything about it, she heard sounds just ahead of them. First was the ear-splitting roar of a Hollow, then the more bone-chilling screams of fear.
Hiyori followed the sounds, her Zanpakuto already hot in her hands. She saw the Huge Hollow just before her blade made contact with its meaty arm, shaving a clean layer of bone and flesh from the limb. She landed between the monster and the huddled bunch of Shinigami at its feet.
"F-fukutaicho!" One of the newbies - Akiho? - looked ready to faint, his Zanpakuto shaking in his grip. Hiyori glanced over at him quickly, assessing: he seemed fine, just shaken up. Behind him, two people were crumpled on the ground. Eiji, the team leader, was one of them, and he looked unconscious.
There was no time to check for the others; the Huge Hollow swiped at them with its uninjured arm.
"Oh, no you don't," Hiyori growled. This thing seemed tough; good. She had some steam to let out.
" Butcher it, Kubikiri Orochi! "
Her sword elongated and thickened into a serrated blade that salivated for blood - and blood she would gladly give it. She stopped the monster's arm with it, then yanked the jagged edge across. Blood and viscera burst from the Hollow's limb, its claw-like hand hanging on by mere threads. The Hollow roared in pain and stared dumbly at its nearly-severed hand.
"Too slow!" Hiyori let out a roar of her own and jumped high in the air, raising her Zanpakuto over her head. Rather than let gravity do the work for her, she propelled herself down with her own reiatsu. Her serrated blade ripped through the Hollow's skull and body, tearing and rending as it went. It was by no means a clean cut; Kubikiri Orochi didn't do "clean."
Hiyori preferred it that way.
All too quickly, the Huge Hollowed gave one final roar before it fell, its body dissolving as it hit the ground. Hiyori spun around, ready for the next one - but only saw Kaede's blade slice through a much smaller Hollow before the fog closed in around them again.
"Where's the other one?" she demanded, whipping her head around. The damned fog was too thick!
But then she heard Kaede's voice pierce through the mist. "It's running! Follow my voice!"
"Fuck!" Hiyori took off, doubling back when she heard Kaede call out again from the opposite direction. "I can't see shit!"
"Hold onto something!"
Hiyori barely registered her words in time to grab hold of a tree.
" Hakudo 58: Tenran!"
A blast of wind spiraled around the area, pushing the fog back long enough for Hiyori to spot both Kaede and the Hollow above them.
"Fuck," she swore when she saw it. It wasn't just the Hollow itself - a relatively small one, a little bigger than a person, definitely something she could take down with ease…but draped over its body were the other two other Shinigami, one across its chest, the other over its head like a shawl. The Hollow waved its finger like it was chastising her, or as though daring her to try to strike at it now.
She froze. It was possible those two were already dead, but why would a Hollow bother carrying them away if that were so? She couldn't risk attacking if they were alive; the Hollow was using them to cover its vital areas. Even if she sealed Kubikiri Orochi down to a regular katana, there were no openings she could hit without also hurting her comrades. If she kept chasing, it would keep running, and the fog was already closing back in. It might hurt or kill them and she wouldn't even be able to see what was happening.
She couldn't do anything!
Then, out of the corner of her eye, she saw Kaede draw her own Zanpakuto. "Wait! You'll hurt them!"
"Trust me, Hiyori," Kaede said, her eyes locked on the Hollow's already disappearing form. "And be ready to catch them."
"The fuck are you-"
" Wither, Mono no Aware. "
She swiped the blade across the air before her in a clean, swift arc. Hiyori waited to see an energy blast, a bunch of projectiles, something , but the sword barely disturbed the incoming fog.
Then she looked up. For a split second, nothing changed; the Hollow still held her comrades hostage…but then blood burst from its neck. Hiyori watched in a mix of awe, confusion, and horror as its head fell back and away, its body hovering for another second before succumbing first to gravity, then to its own destruction.
The two Shinigami hostages continued to fall, and Hiyori snapped out of her daze just in time to dart forward and intercept one. Frantically, she scanned over the young Shinigami's body for any sign of a wound - but other than being unconscious and sporting a nasty bump on the side of her head, the girl seemed fine. Hiyori looked up to see that Kaede had caught the other recruit and was checking him for wounds.
"Nothing broken," she called out. "Just bruised and scraped."
No cuts. Nothing that came from a sword. "How did you do that?"
"My Zanpakuto, Mono no Aware," Kaede explained, shifting the unconscious recruit to her back. "To put it simply, it kind of…bends the laws of physics so it can hit from a distance, so long as I can see the target and sense its reiatsu. I've gotten good at precision strikes."
Hiyori blinked. She hadn't known about any of this. And earlier, that Kido she'd used…that wasn't something Kaede had been capable of back in the Academy. "When did that happen?"
Kaede's gaze shifted away. "A while ago."
"What's 'a while?' Why didn't you ever tell me?!"
"You didn't tell me when you learned your Shikai, either! And I just…It never came up!"
"Bullshit!"
Kaede sighed. "Look, let's just get back to the other three and set up some beacons to guide the support team. Unless you think the two of us can haul five Shinigami down this mountain on our own?"
Hiyori seethed a little, tempted to insist that they do exactly that just to spite her. "You really are tryin' to take my job, ain't you? Or in case you forgot, I'm the ranked officer here, so I call the shots!"
"Hai, hai."
The one still-conscious Shinigami was tending to the wounded when they returned, but the second he saw Hiyori and Kaede, he broke down in tears.
"I'm so sorry, vice-captain! We - we didn't know what to do, we've never even seen a real live Hollow before and there were so many of them, Eiji-san got one down but then they got him and we tried to hide but we didn't want to leave him behind-"
"Stop yer bawlin'," Hiyori commanded, putting down her passenger as gently as she could manage. "You're a Shinigami, right? Shit happens! Everyone's alive, you didn't leave anyone behind, so there's no point cryin' over it!"
The recruit sniffled and nodded. "H-hai…th-thank you, Hiyori-fukutaicho…we won't let it happen again!"
Damn right, she wanted to say, but she bit her tongue. What right did she have to berate this kid when she was one who screwed up? Not that she could say that in front of these greenies. "Just…clean up their wounds, will ya? We got more people comin' soon. Gotta set up some beacons so they know where we are."
Still sniffling, the recruit saluted and started digging around in a pack for first aid supplies. Hiyori grabbed the bag of beacons and trudged away.
Fuck. Just… fuuuuck. She tried to tell herself the same things she'd just said to the newbie: Everyone's alive. No one got left behind. Nothing to cry over.
But it was still her fault.
"You okay?"
Hiyori nearly jumped out of her skin. "Where the hell did you come from?! It's rude to sneak up on people, ya know!"
"You're not okay," Kaede surmised.
"I'm fine!" She grabbed a beacon and stabbed it into the ground, activating the reishi flare inside. "Everything's fine! "
"So I can see."
Hiyori counted fifty steps and stabbed another beacon into the ground. "It's fine!" Another fifty, another impalement. "It's fine."
But with each pronouncement, she mustered up less bravado. Five beacons in, Kaede just kept following her in silence, like she was expecting her to say something else. But what was she supposed to say? The truth? That this was her fault? That she'd let this happen because she was too much of a basket case to do her damn job?
Her steps slowed to a stop, the half-empty bag of beacons hanging from her limp fingers. "Maybe you should take over as vice-captain."
"Huh?"
"Don't 'huh' at me!" Hiyori kicked a rock into a nearby tree trunk. "None o'this shoulda happened on my watch! I'm in charge o' the new recruits, an' I sent them up here t'do their stupid training exercises. This…this area's a dead zone, nothin' happens up here. There's no villages or nothin' to attract Hollows. It's supposed to be safe!"
"You couldn't have known-"
"But I shoulda known the second somethin' was off! That's my job! Especially with Hikifune-taicho gone-" Her voice started to break; she tried to swear it away, to curse herself against crying. "It's my fucking responsibility to take care of this division, especially when there's no captain!"
"Hiyori…"
"Don't you dare try t'say I was doin' my best," she growled, cutting her off. "Cuz it ain't true! I let myself get all bent outta shape over Hikifune-taicho leaving, an' 'cuz o' that, shit hit the fan! The fuck kinda vice-captain does that?!"
"The untested kind."
That shocked Hiyori enough to stop her eyes from watering any more. "The fuck do you mean, 'untested?' No one just handed me this position on a silver platter, ya know! I had to work my ass off to get here, an-"
"Exactly," Kaede interrupted with a pointed look. "Look, I know we've been out of touch, and I know a lot of that's on me, but at the risk of sounding creepy, I have kept up with your career. More or less. I've been doing some research. Point is, I know it hasn't been an easy road for you, but the truth is, you haven't had to face shit like this as a lieutenant before. Trust me: I've been a part of some dark shit this past century, and I know who else in the Gotei's been involved. Division 12 has always been a homeland support unit, never on the front lines unless all else fails. We haven't had a serious threat that's gotten that far in centuries."
Hiyori knew all this on some level. It was her division, of course she knew its place in the Gotei! "Doesn't mean I shouldn't've fucked this up."
"What, exactly, did you 'fuck up?'" Kaede demanded, even going so far as to make air quotes with her fingers. "Because when the news came that a team of yours was in trouble, I saw you take action. You didn't run to the captain, and you didn't rush recklessly ahead either - well, you almost did, but you didn't. Instead, you took charge. You used the resources at your disposal-" She pointed to herself. "-and you made sure to order backup before we left. And then, the first thing you did when we got here was check on your subordinates."
She crouched down so that she was eye-level with Hiyori. "And you know what else? Your subordinates trust you. That guy came looking for you , not the captain. They don't know Urahara, but they know you and, clearly, they respect you. And you just proved why that is."
Hiyori looked away, clenching her jaw to stop her chin from trembling. "I still shoulda been able to handle this."
"You did handle it," Kaede insisted. "We can't change what's already happened, right? We can only deal with what's in front of us, and you did exactly that."
Hiyori sniffed and wiped her eyes with her sleeve. "You ain't gonna tell anyone I said all that shit, are you?"
Kaede gave her an insulted glare. "When have I ever done that?"
"I dunno! It's been decades, an' for all I know…I don't know!"
"Well, I've never blabbed any of your secrets before, and I'm not about to start now." She leaned forward and wrapped her arms around her bent knees. "Look…you're right about the Stealth Corps: They don't put a lot of value in friendship. No one there would ever dare open up like this to someone else. Honestly…I forgot how good it feels to be trusted by someone."
"What about that stick-in-the-mud husband o' yours? Don't he trust you?"
There was an odd pause that Hiyori didn't expect. "That's…different. We don't work together like that."
Hiyori wasn't one for overanalyzing behavior, but something about that answer just felt… off . She waited exactly three seconds for Kaede to elaborate - which she did not - before letting out a huff. "Yeah, well, I guess it's been a while since I had anyone but Hikifune-taicho to talk to about this kinda stuff."
Kaede gave her a sympathetic look. "You really looked up to her, didn't you?"
"I do look up to her," Hiyori corrected. "She's still my captain. I just…she coulda said somethin', ya know? I fucking hate it when people don't even say goodbye."
"I know," she replied softly. "Look…I know Urahara-sa - er, taicho, isn't your first pick."
"Try dead last," Hiyori grumbled.
"I'm not thrilled with him either," Kaede said. "But he said I could make my own place in this division. So…maybe I can be your sounding board, when you need it. You're supposed to be the captain's support; how about I be yours?"
The offer squeezed at Hiyori's heart more than she cared to admit. She cleared her throat to keep her voice from cracking. "Fine. I don't need help, but if it makes ya feel better, then…yeah. Sure."
Kaede smiled softly beside her, a warm, genuine smile that brought some life back to her eyes. "Thank you, Hiyori."
"For what? I didn't do nothin'." If anything, she felt like she owed Kaede a thank-you or two, but her pride wouldn't let her say so out loud.
Kaede's head dipped. "For…for letting me be your friend again. I missed you."
Hiyori's cheeks warmed; she quickly looked away, hoping Kaede wouldn't see her fair skin turn pink. "Yeah…well…let's just get everyone back, right?"
They finished setting up the flares, and by the time they returned to camp, Hiyori felt…lighter. Certainly more at ease than she had been since before Hikifune-taicho left. When the support team finally arrived, she barked out her orders with authority she truly felt; and when she noticed a couple of the Shinigami nervously side-eyeing Kaede, she put her foot down.
"Stop gawkin' an' get to work," she hollered. "Their injuries ain't gonna heal themselves!"
"R-right! But…" One Shinigami chanced another glance at Kaede, who slung one of the wounded recruit's arms over her shoulder and hoisted them up. "...is it really okay…?"
"Is what okay?" Hiyori demanded, hands on her hips. "She's a member o' this division, ain't she? You gotta problem with that?!"
The Shinigami snapped to attention. "No ma'am!"
"That's what I fuckin' thought," she grumbled. "Now let's get our people home!"
It was well after nightfall when Kaede and Hiyori finally made it back to Twelve. The recruits had been dropped off at Division 4; the backup team was taking care of putting away the used supplies. As soon as it was just the two of them again, Hiyori nearly doubled over with a loud sigh.
"Ahhhhh…I'm so fucking tired," she moaned. "An' I still gotta write up a report on this shit…"
Kaede couldn't help a small smile at the blonde's dramatic display. She was accustomed to longer, more intense missions than this, so adrenaline crashes weren't as common for her anymore. For Hiyori, this had been a high-strung sixteen or so hours. She'd done a phenomenal job keeping up her energy and authority in front of the rest of the division; it seemed like only Kaede had borne witness to her "weaker" idea warmed Kaede's heart more than anything else. Hiyori trusted her enough to let down her guard, even after all this time.
"Why not leave the report for the morning?" she suggested. "It'll go easier when you're fresh."
"Yeah, yeah…" Then the blonde perked up a bit, glancing up to Kaede with a sly glint in her nut-brown eyes. "Or…if ya really wanna be my support an' all-"
"Nope. Not writing it for you."
"But you said you wanted to help me out!"
"And I do," Kaede patiently replied, biting back another smile. "But I'm not the vice-captain, and writing mission reports is the role of the vice-captain. There's no way I could possibly have the experience or authority to do it as well as you , fukutaicho."
She watched in amusement as Hiyori's face turned pink, the small blonde clearly wrestling with her pride as a lieutenant and her desire to ditch the paperwork.
"Fine," Hiyori grumbled. "Whatever. You staying on the grounds, or you goin' back home to that husband o' yours? We start morning exercises at seven, an' I ain't takin' any excuses for bein' late!"
"Hai!" Kaede snapped to attention and gave her a formal bow. "Understood, fukutaicho!"
Hiyori muttered under her breath as she dragged herself off toward the barracks. As Kaede watched her go, her smile began to fade. Working alongside Hiyori today felt… good. Easy. Natural, even. No sneaking around, no hunting down supposed traitors. They'd actually saved a few lives, and it was in large part thanks to Kaede's own skills and powers.
It was what she'd long ago dreamed of doing - but that wasn't why she was here now.
She let out a long sigh, melancholy sapping the rest of her energy. She hadn't brought it up to Hiyori, but that Hollow attack did seem strange. Between her Stealth Corps work and the experiments in Hueco Mundo, she knew better than most Shinigami how Hollows tended to behave.
Hollows were generally solitary hunters. Occasionally they might hunt in pairs, or a second Hollow might follow the first to scavenge what it could, but pack hunting was rare. More often than not, when multiple Hollows went after the same targets, they wound up fighting each other, competing for their food. There had to be an especially smart and strong Hollow among the bunch to keep them in line.
Not to mention, opening a Garganta directly into Soul Society was also a rare occurrence. Not all Hollows could open Garganta by themselves; it took both intelligence and a sophisticated level of control to do so, traits that only a handful of Hollows below Menos Grande level had. Granted, that one Hollow that used the Shinigami recruits as shields was clearly intelligent, but it was also a lot weaker than the others, by her estimation. It seemed more like the type to hang back and pick off the proverbial bones of other Hollows' kills than to take charge, and it definitely didn't seem strong enough to open a Garganta by itself.
So how did a group of Hollows like that wind up in the exact same area as a bunch of new recruits?
They had help.
She'd had the suspicion right from the start, when Hiyori described the area as a "deadzone:" that this wasn't a natural occurrence. The timing was too perfect, the circumstances too coincidental.
So why didn't you tell Hiyori about your suspicions?
Because of who she suspected. If she suggested that someone might have set up that attack, that would lead to more questions: Who? Why? How? Once put on the record, those questions would need to be answered, which meant there'd be an investigation. Since it happened to Division Twelve, Urahara himself would likely head such an investigation. If it was any other captain, Kaede wouldn't be too concerned; she had faith in Sousuke's mind and skills. But Urahara wasn't just any other captain. He was far more shrewd than he let on, and far too good at detaching himself from a problem.
Far too much like her husband, in fact.
Kaede set that uncomfortable comparison aside. She did not want to think about how similar the two men were. Besides, she was basing all this on an assumption that Sousuke had set up this Hollow attack for some reason. But why would he do that? Wouldn't he have told her if he had?
What bothers you more? The possibility of a setup, or the possibility that he kept you in the dark?
"Not now," she hissed at her Zanpakuto. She didn't have time for those questions now, especially when she didn't know for certain that this wasn't a random Hollow appearance.
"Who're you talking to?"
Kaede started a little at the sound of Urahara's voice. Among the ever-growing list of reasons to be cautious around the man, the fact that he could still sneak up on her sometimes was near the top.
"No one," she answered immediately. "Just…thinking out loud."
"Ah." Urahara came up beside her and gazed out over the moonlit courtyard. "Quite a first day, huh?"
"Yeah," she replied. "The recruits will be fine; we left them at the Fourth."
"Good, good." He leaned lightly against the railing of the engawa that encircled the barrack. "Thank you for going with Sarugaki-san today. Once I heard what happened…well, I knew you'd make sure everything turned out okay."
"Really?" She didn't bother masking the skepticism in her voice, and watched him from the corner of her eye for his reaction.
"Really," he nodded. "I don't yet know Sarugaki-san or her skills, but I know yours, and I know your work ethic. If it had just been Sarugaki-san, I might have followed, though I doubt she would have appreciated that much. But with you going, I knew I wasn't needed."
"Glad I can be counted on," she muttered, trying to keep bitter irony out of her tone. It wasn't just that her whole purpose in being here was to betray him; it was that this was all she'd wanted from him, from Soul Society, all those years ago. If she'd been offered this sort of acceptance and trust before Sousuke…but that was a "what if," and "what ifs" were pointless.
Still, the very inkling of how different her life might be, how different she might be, had that been the case…
She mentally slapped herself. She'd joined this division with a specific purpose in mind; she should take advantage of the fact that Urahara was speaking to her again at all. "Actually…I was talking to Mono no Aware earlier. It was being a little pushy. I didn't even realize I'd spoken aloud."
"Ah…" Urahara gave her a knowing smile. "I understand. Benihime isn't exactly the kindest, but she's never steered me wrong. I've found it's usually best to listen to her when she has something to say."
Kaede was surprised at his candor, especially after decades with barely a word. Sousuke rarely spoke about Kyoka Suigetsu like it was a person, or even a sentient being, let alone as something to collaborate with. His Zanpakuto was a tool to be used, not a comrade or confidant. "Do you and Benihime…I guess, talk often?"
"Not exactly, but she always responds when I need her." He glanced down at her. "How about you and Mono no Aware?"
Kaede gave a small shrug, trying to gauge how much to say. It felt weird to talk about her Zanpakuto at all, and she didn't want to give too much away. "I guess…it's a bit weird. I spent so long wanting to be able to communicate with Mono no Aware, but lately…it's been a struggle, to be honest."
"What sort of struggle?"
She hesitated. How to answer that without giving away too much… "I…I think Mono no Aware is holding things back from me. Like…like there's more to my Shikai than they've let on."
"An incomplete Shikai…" He hummed in contemplation. "It's possible. I'm no expert on Zanpakuto, but I've known Shinigami with partial or even false Shikai. It usually stems from a difficult relationship between the Zanpakuto and its wielder."
A difficult relationship…that seemed an apt description, though it left a sour taste in her mouth.
"You must have a good relationship with Benihime," she mused, wanting to move away from the topic of her Zanpakuto. "I mean, don't you have to be able to perform Bankai to be a captain?"
"It's one thing they consider for captainhood, yes."
"I'm sure having Yoruichi-taicho's recommendation didn't hurt, either."
He gave her an innocent look. "What makes you say that?"
She rolled her eyes. "We all knew she put you up for it."
"Fine, fine," he chuckled. "She did, but I still had to prove myself capable!"
"So, Bankai?"
"Yes, yes…" He dipped his head toward her with a conspiratory grin. "To tell you the truth, I hadn't achieved Bankai yet when Yoruichi recommended me. When she did, I felt like I had to do something big to impress the other captains. Wouldn't want to make our dear Yoruichi look bad for putting her faith in me, right?"
She perked up a bit, curious about what he was getting at. There'd been rumors among the Stealth Corps about his possible promotion even before it was officially announced; she remembered Soi Fon being baffled that their beloved captain would support that guy over anyone else. That had been hours after Yoruichi met with the head captain - and that had only been a couple weeks ago.
"But you'd been working on Bankai for a while, I'd guess," she offered, watching his face closely. "I mean…it takes years, doesn't it?"
"Decades, even," he affirmed brightly. "If it happens at all. But no, I hadn't really been working on it. Didn't feel the need until the promotion came up."
She waited a moment, but he didn't elaborate. She nearly rolled her eyes again at his low-level theatrics. He wanted her to ask, didn't he? "So how did you…?"
"Oh, I came up with a way to achieve Bankai in just a few days." He said it like it was nothing, the product of a mere hobby. "I'm calling it the tenshintai. It's a device that lets one manifest their Zanpakuto spirit outside their body. I figured that that was the part that took people the longest, so I found a shortcut."
Kaede stared at him in disbelief and exasperation. "You just…made a thing?"
"Pretty much."
"A thing that gets you Bankai in a few days?"
"Yup!"
And if she were to believe him, he did it on a whim - invented something that could bypass years of effort for countless Shinigami. In fact… "Can anyone use it?"
He finally dropped the overly-bright grin and became more serious. "In theory, though I haven't tested it with anyone else yet. I'd need an official sanction from the head captain and Central for something like that, first of all, and to be honest…I'm not sure it should be widely available."
"Why not?" she challenged. "This could be huge, something that changes Soul Society itself!"
A shadow seemed to fall over his eyes. "A long time ago, I would have agreed with you on that. However…I don't think it would change much about Soul Society or the way things are done. It would just be another weapon, something that could very easily be exploited by the wrong people."
Kaede was inclined to agree, for the most part. Besides, it was counterproductive to make their potential enemies more powerful. If anything, she should try to steal this thing, both to use it herself and to keep it out of the Gotei's hands.
"I can see how that could happen," she conceded.
"Besides," he continued, "the tenshintai only gets you past the first step: manifestation. As it turns out, that's the easiest part of the process. Getting from that to Bankai…that's something unique for every Shinigami. Besides, the tenshintai has a lot of risks, too; I managed to finish in about three days, but I wouldn't recommend going longer than that. Forcibly separating a piece of your soul from your body isn't exactly healthy, no matter how it's done."
Kaede debated whether to ask her next question. She was still baffled over how much he was sharing with her; what had been the point of all those silent decades if he was just going to act like an old friend now? They were the farthest thing from "friends" imaginable. There had to be some trick to this, some game he was playing - and that meant she should be all the more cautious with what she asked.
But she wanted - needed to hear how he would answer.
"Would it work for me?"
Urahara went silent for a moment, all but confirming what she suspected: that she wasn't supposed to get that far. Heat crept up her neck with every passing second. Say it. SAY IT.
Instead of doing that, he pushed himself away from the railing. "Let's go inside for a moment."
Kaede followed him to his quarters, mentally prepared to hear some bullshit platitude about how she just had to be patient and work hard and that someday, she'd be able to do whatever she put her mind to. That was the refrain she'd heard from him so many times before; why would it change now?
It also put her on edge that now he wanted privacy. He'd just admitted to her, out in the open, that he was withholding a major discovery from the rest of the Gotei 13. Granted, there had been no one else within earshot, but still. What could he possibly want to say that was more sensitive than that?
Once inside his quarters, she lingered by the door, both for the easy escape route and to avoid stepping on the numerous boxes and random trinkets that littered the floor. Urahara puttered around for a few minutes, rummaging through a couple of crates and drawers until he finally produced a box of matches.
"Sorry about the mess," he apologized, lighting a pair of candles that he'd found during his quest for matches. "I'm still getting my things over here from the old division."
So not everything was here yet…Kaede made a mental picture of the room. Nothing stood out to her senses, but then again, the Hogyoku didn't even register to her perception. Assuming anything Urahara had collected from the Catastrophe had a similar nature, she might not even be able to feel it. Besides, if he had anything like that, she doubted he'd leave it lying around so brazenly.
The second candle was lit, and the flickering flames cast dancing shadows all around them. Urahara settled himself on the floor with crossed legs.
"We need to talk about your seals."
Kaede's heart jumped into her throat.
He knew.
He had to know. Did he know? How could he know? It shouldn't be possible, right? How could he see past perfect hypnosis?
She forced herself to stay calm. She was jumping to conclusions; best to hear him out than to assume.
"What about them?" Did she sound too concerned? Or not enough? How worried would she be if she was still sealed? "Is there something wrong?"
"No, no, nothing like that!" Urahara insisted, waving his hands. He grew serious again. "It's not just about your seals, really. I know I've kept you at arms' length-"
She let out an incredulous huff. Relief washed away most of her initial panic; she was left with indignation and anger at being made to worry at all. "'Arms' length?' You barely looked at me for almost a century, and now you suddenly want to chat like we're old friends or something?"
"I feel I owe you some explanations," he amended. "Not least of all about how your seals work-"
"I think I have a pretty good idea of how they work," she retorted with an uneasy twitch of her lips. "Bind, suppress, neutralize-"
"On the surface," he interrupted, "that's what they're meant to do."
Kaede's brow furrowed. "What are you saying?"
He gave a soft, wistful sigh. "What am I saying…to be honest, I've wanted to say many things for a long time, but now that I'm trying to do so, it's harder than I anticipated."
Oh, how unfortunate for you, she thought sourly.
Urahara folded his hands under his chin. "I'm saying that I don't want to keep things from you anymore. You're not a child, and you're not naive. You've seen some of the ugliest parts of our world, all the broken bits that the Gotei and Central work so hard to cover up. That's why I can speak plainly to you now."
Kaede held her breath, caught between agonizing curiosity and dread for what he might say.
"As far as Central knows, your seals are fine, so don't worry on that front," he began. Right. Like that would make her tongue unstick itself from the roof of her mouth. "They've been...persuaded, shall we say, that your progress is simply due to the unusual nature of your spirit energy coupled with your determination to to serve. Not entirely a lie, but not entirely the truth, either."
Her heart skipped a beat. What did he think happened, then? "What is the truth?"
He sighed. "The truth is, Central 46 did want you completely cut off from your spirit energy. I disagreed, though I've never said as much to them. One doesn't question the powers-that-be." There was a note of dry mockery in his voice that Kaede did not expect.
"I always wanted to see what would happen if you were allowed to grow naturally," he continued. "You were something we'd never seen before, something new . At first, that was all I cared about. The thought of putting limiters on you was…well, it was understandable, but also infuriating."
Hearing him openly admit that she was, indeed, just an experiment…it made something in her chest sink unexpectedly. She knew that she was only ever a project to him; why should she care anymore?
His expression softened. "Then I saw you . You were just a child, and you didn't want to hurt anyone. You were burdened with this power, not blessed with it. I'm not so detached that I didn't feel some sympathy for you. Very quickly, my priorities became about helping you, a frightened and confused child - both because I did feel that sympathy and because I knew that you'd never reach your full potential if you remained afraid of yourself."
A small, wistful smile appeared on his face. "The truth is, you never needed sealing. You needed time and guidance. If it were up to me, you'd have been given challenges, of course, but ones that would make you learn control. Every time you survived and conquered, you'd grow. Locking away that power of yours would've been counterintuitive."
Kaede remembered the first time she'd seen Urahara, the balloon animals he'd made for her, his patience and encouragement - how his very presence had helped to ground and reassure her. It didn't matter how many balloons she popped with her reiatsu; he kept trying. He kept coming back.
Until he didn't.
To her dismay, she felt an emptiness in her chest, a distinct absence that begged to be filled again.
No. You don't need him. You never did.
His smile evaporated. "But fear rarely listens to reason, and Central wasn't about to risk another catastrophe. Their stipulations would've permanently crippled you, cutting you off entirely from your own spirit energy. I think they also wanted to see if such a seal was possible so they could use it on other 'dangerous elements' - even today, the only measures we have for sealing a Shinigami's powers are either temporary seals or external accessories. This wasn't the first time I'd been commissioned to create a method with far-reaching implications…but this time, I had the wherewithal to consider what those implications were."
He shook his head slightly as though to clear it. "But that's a story for another day. The point is, I disagreed with Central from the start about sealing you, but it was the best scenario available. So I made some decisions about the seal design that Central would never know about. Tessai was in on it - he had to be, as the co-designer. He was the one who came up with the idea to build in a gradual decay. It was brilliant, if I do say so myself: your seals would weaken so slowly as to be imperceptible. Meanwhile, your growth would be slow enough that it wouldn't frighten Central into doing something drastic, and along the way, you'd have time to prove your loyalty and utility. Plus, it would give you time to grow into your power and not be so afraid of it.."
Kaede felt the world around her come to a standstill; even the air in her lungs refused to move. His voice grew strangely distant, as though she were listening from under water. What…what was he saying? The words all registered, but they didn't make any sense. The seals…gradual decay…
"W-wait." It was like moving through wet cement, but she managed to hold up her hand to stop him. "W-what do you mean…they…were supposed to…"
"To weaken," Urahara confirmed, watching her with a slight furrow in his brow. "I designed the seals so that they'd slowly fade."
Kaede took an involuntary step back, the small motion making the room lurch dizzyingly. This couldn't be real. This couldn't be true. There was no way that he was telling her this, no way…after all this time…
"I don't understand," she heard herself saying. "What…why didn't you say anything before, I don't…"
His eyes dropped, shoulders sagging under an invisible weight. "I thought I was doing you a favor by keeping you in the dark. Plausible deniability. If you didn't know, then you couldn't be blamed when you began connecting to your power."
Her lungs finally started working again, and the air she greedily sucked in fed a new spark. So he'd been protecting her? By keeping her ignorant? "How, exactly, was that supposed to work? Was I just supposed to figure things out on my own? Because that's what happened!"
She took another breath and tried to police her words. Part of her mind shouted at her to shut up, warned her that she was treading too far, but this storm had been building for decades . Now the dams were breaking.
"I… needed …guidance," she seethed, her entire body trembling with each word. "I lived in terror that any spark of power would destroy everything around me, that if I said the wrong thing, did the wrong thing, showed too much or too little strength then I'd be executed! And then - you were just gone! What was I supposed to do?!"
She cut herself off, shocked at how powerfully she felt her own words. She hadn't been completely alone, she reminded herself; she had Sousuke, after all, and he was the one who actually freed her from those seals. He did more for her than Urahara ever had.
So why did it still hurt so much?!
She crossed her arms and tried to stop her body from shaking. She had to calm the fuck down. She'd already shown him too much; all of this could be used against her. How could she let herself break so easily?! Maybe she should just leave. She ached to get away, from him, from this room, from anything and everything before her shell cracked any further. But would that be too suspicious?
Urahara's head remained bowed, his bangs obscuring his eyes from her view. "I'm sorry. I know I shut you out for a long time."
"It's fine," she ground out, praying that he wouldn't misinterpret her behavior. Or correctly interpret it, for that matter. She had to get out of there.
"It's not," he countered. "I know it hasn't been easy on you. I am well aware of what you've been put through, because I was the one to put you through it. I did whatever I thought would give you the best chance of survival in a hypocritical world. I told myself that you couldn't afford to simply be a child because of the power you held. I tried to be realistic about your chances, if not with you, then with myself. I won't apologize for that."
Kaede nearly scoffed at the very idea that that was what she wanted him to apologize for. "Should I be thanking you, then?"
The retort left her lips before she could stop herself. For a heart-stopping second, she thought she'd said too much, given too much away about her true feelings.
Then Urahara lowered his head so that the shadows concealed much of his expression. "Thank me? For what? For disappearing without a word? Or for dangling hope in front of you so many times, only to pull it away over and over again? For subjecting you to mental and physical obstacle courses that would have broken most seasoned Shinigami? For putting you among the most unstable, desperate, and depraved souls that the Seireitei had to offer? For handicapping you so you could never reach your full potential?"
The blunt summary knocked the wind out of her faster than a punch to the gut and left her just as stunned. There were times that she fantasized about confronting Urahara with all of this, but even in her fantasies, all he did was deny or belittle what she said, explaining it away as a necessary evil or claiming it wasn't as bad as she was making it out to be.
Never in her wildest dreams did she think he'd admit to them like this.
He reached out and passed a bare finger through one of the candle flames. "I was always playing with fire with you, treading the line between loyalty and treason. I was too close to see things clearly anymore…that's what I told myself. It seemed like the right time, too: you were finally building a life of your own, as much as you could. You had found someone who truly cared for you, someone you wouldn't have to see as your potential executioner."
He withdrew his hand from the flame. "Funny, the things we tell ourselves to make our decisions more palatable."
Again her throat tightened. "So why now? What changed?"
"Like I told you before," he said. "I finally had a chance to get you out of the Stealth Corps - that is, I finally had something to offer you again. I tried keeping you at arms' length before, and I tried cutting myself out of your life completely - well, as much as I could without giving your seals over to someone else. As I'm sure you can imagine, I didn't want anyone else taking too close a look at them. Theoretically, someone with enough knowledge of konpaku biology and binding Kido could figure out the workings of these seals and the flaws that had been left in them."
A chill went down her spine. Oh, it wasn't a theory; Sousuke had figured the seals out enough to dismantle them completely. But…did he know about the flaws? No…he'd have told her, right? He'd promised not to keep things from her ever again.
Don't be naive.
But what would be the point in keeping that from her? Or maybe the question was, why would he tell her? Maybe he didn't think it mattered.
But it DOES matter.
Not NOW, she commanded. She would ask Sousuke about this later, and he would tell her.
Will he?
NOT NOW!
She had to get out of there. Her hands shook again; she could barely focus on whatever else Urahara was saying right now. If she stayed much longer, she'd really begin to unravel, and she couldn't afford that.
Urahara rubbed his forehead. "I've gotten rather far afield, haven't I? You were asking me about the tenshintai, whether it might work for you. Honestly, I don't know if it would. However, I can say with confidence that you should be capable of Bankai; the question is more of when you should attempt it. Central has barely accepted you having a Shikai at all; I'd say wait a while before trying much else just yet."
"Right," she replied, a bit absently. "Makes sense." Just let me leave.
"Also…perhaps this goes without saying, but I'd rather everything we just discussed stay between us. The less people who know the truth about your seals, the better." He leveled his gaze with hers. "That includes your husband, I'm afraid."
"Of course," she agreed. She'd have agreed to anything if it meant getting out of this room.
His shoulders relaxed. "Thank you, Kaede. Also…I know it's too late to say this, but…I'm sorry I wasn't at your wedding."
Her heart thumped hard in her chest. That day seemed like the farthest thing from anything he'd just told her, and yet it made her heart tremble more than she was willing to admit.
She bowed her head to hide her eyes. "I have to go. Good night, Urahara-taicho."
"Good night, Kaede." Then, just before she could rush out of the room: "Oh! And please, call me 'Kisuke,' at least when we're alone. I want us on more equal footing, captain or not."
Kaede managed a small nod before flash-stepping away. She didn't care how he might interpret her rush; she just needed to get out of that room, out of that division, out of the Seireitei.
She kept running, kept flash-stepping, pushed by her pounding heart and tempestuous thoughts until at last she was alone enough to let the nausea overcome her. She fell to her knees and threw up everything in her stomach, and then she kept dry-heaving as tears fell freely down her face.
What - the - FUCK?!
And that, dear readers, is where I leave you…for now. Okay, that feels overly dramatic. This chapter was a MONSTER; I had to split it up, so Part 2 will be coming…soon. In the vaguest of terms. Because we already know what happens when I make promises about deadlines.
Next Time: Can't Move Forward, Part 2. Kaede reels from the implications of her chat with Urahara, leading to a long overdue heart-to-heart with her Zanpakuto…Urahara drops yet another bombshell on her…and Kaede starts to reexamine everything she thought she knew, including her relationship with Aizen Sousuke. More canon characters await as we march ever onward to an inevitable tragedy.
Let me know your thoughts, and as always…
Stay tuned!