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Cell: The fuck?

Cell vs Dragon Ball Super Canon (Part 2)

"So what are we doing in the Antarctic?" Cell asked Goku, Vegeta, and Bulma as they all stood in the middle of Antarctica.

"In order to fix your Time Machine, we need to use the Dragon Balls because your Time Machine uses a lot of advanced parts that we can't exactly replace," Bulma explained.

"So there's a Dragon Ball here?" Kermit asked.

"All of them are here," Bulma stated. "However…"

"Let me guess, they got stolen?" Cell questioned.

"Yeah," Bulma answered.

"Quick question, what was the most recent important event for this timeline?" Cell asked.

"The Tournament of Power," Goku answered.

Cell's eyes widened. "So that means that we're gonna see-"

"So the two monkeys are here," came the familiar voice of Frieza as the heroes looked over and saw Frieza and his spaceship, along with an old Paragus and also DBS Broly.

"Oh shit, it's Billy!" Kermit exclaimed. "We're screwed!"

"How do you know of my son? And why are you calling him Billy?" Paragus asked from where he stood next to Broly.

"Because your son is one of the strongest assholes in the DevilArtemis Universe," Cell answered. "That, and we're friends with the non-canon Broly."

"Whatever," Paragus said. "Prince Vegeta, I am here to get my revenge for what your father did to me all those years ago, before our planet was drestroyed by a meteor. I'm going to get my revenge!"

"Please, you can't hope to even do anything to me," Vegeta remarked cockily. Cell and Kermit slowly moved out of the way. "Why are you two moving a-"

"Have at him Broly!" Paragus shouted before Broly's energy flared at he charged at Vegeta and hit him in the face and sent him into a large chunk of ice, before giving chase.

"That's why," Cell answered Vegeta, before looking at Frieza. "So, can we have the Dragon Balls, or do we have to fight you for them?"

"Why do you need the Dragon Balls?" Frieza questioned.

"So I can go home instead of dealing with whatever serious crap this world has to offer," Cell answered. "Now please hand them over, or we'll take them by force."

"As if I would give you the Dragon Balls the Frieza Force worked so hard to procure," Frieza said. "Kill them." At those words, some of the Frieza Force Soldiers charged at Cell, though it was all for nothing since it was Cell who simply punched several of them and beat them with One Punch, while Kermit broke the legs of one of them with a baseball bat and then continued to whack them with the baseball bat like there was no tomorrow. That, or they were Jigglypuff though he was now a Wigglytuff.

"Oh how the Frieza Force has fallen," Frieza remarked dryly, before he shouted for a moment before flying forward and hitting Cell in his chest, though it did nothing. "What?!"

"Like I said," Cell began. "We want the Dragon Balls. Can we please have them or do we have to beat the shit out of you?"

"Tch!" Frieza jumped back before going Golden. "As if I, the Emperor of the Universe, would fail to you!"

"To be honest, you're a shitty Emperor of the Universe if you're only after the Dragon Balls on Earth," Kermit commented before Frieza began charging up a large Ki blast.

"I will not be bested by those simian apes, their bug friend and their pet frog!" Frieza shouted as he threw his Death Ball at Cell and Kermit.

Cell simply rolled his eyes before he backhanded the attack into a ice glacier and it exploded, before he looked at Frieza. "You done yet?"

"Damn it!" Frieza said. "How are you this strong?!"

"Because I'm not from this Universe," Cell answered. "Now can I have the Dragon Balls or do I need to kill you?"

"And besides, don't the Dragon Balls grant 3 wishes?" Kermit questioned. "Can't we use one wish and you use the other?"

"Are you insane?! Frieza might wish for immortality and we can't have an immortal Frieza on our hands!" Bulma retorted.

"Is that your go-to whenever Frieza is after the Dragon Balls?" Cell asked Bulma. "What if he wanted something else?"

"Yeah, like a girlfriend since he's single as fuck," Kermit added.

"What I want is none of your business!" Frieza retorted. "However, I would rather live then die, since I just came back to life, so I'm afraid I will have to surrender the Dragon Balls." Frieza looked at Paragus. "Call your son back, we're retreating."

"Right, just let me quickly…" Paragus started checking all of his pockets for something, before his eyes widened. "Oh no!" He looked at Frieza with a panicked face. "My controller for Broly isn't on me!"

"Ah shit," Cell commented.

Vegeta grunted as he blocked one of Broly's attacks. "Damn it, he's getting stronger as he fights!" Vegeta kicked Broly away before he went Super Saiyan. "HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" He flew towards Broly before firing several Ki Blasts that hit their mark, and as Vegeta flew into the smoke towards Broly, he felt himself get hit by a powerful jab that made him cough up some saliva as he got sent into the ice.

"RAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" Broly shouted as he entered his Berserk state, his power multiplying simultaneously while he flew towards Vegeta before a shout caught his attention.

"Hey! Hey you! Yeah, over here!" Broly turned to see Goku with his snowsuit off and in his hand. "It's my turn to fight you!"

Broly shouted some more and fired a Ki Blast at Goku, before Cell appeared and backhanded the Ki Blast into a mountain. "We seriously need to end this now cause he's gonna be a pain in the ass to fight!" Cell said to Goku and Vegeta. "Now let's fucking end this!"

"Fine, but only because I have to listen to you," Vegeta said before going Super Saiyan Blue.

Goku followed suit as he also went Super Saiyan Blue. "Alright! Let's do this!"

"RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" Broly shouted before a Ki Blasts formed in his mouth and fired at the three of them, which did nothing to Cell, but it stung Goku and Vegeta and damaged their clothes.

"The fact that he hurt us with that attack isn't realistic in the slightest," Vegeta remarked, incredibly irritated.

"Just shows that he's really strong Vegeta," Goku replied before he charged up a Kamehameha.

"Shut it clown!" Vegeta retorted as he charged up his Galick Gun attack.

"I think I don't need to help out here," Cell commented as he landed next to Kermit and watched.

"Broly! Call your attention to this!" Frieza randomly shouted before Broly looked at Frieza and Cell's jaw dropped as he knew what was about to happen. "Your father… Your father has been slain!" Paragus was indeed dead with a hole in his chest.

"Bullshit, you put a hole into his chest! You bastard!" Cell shouted, but it was useless as Broly went Super Saiyan. "Damn it!"

"Bulma, summon the enteral dragon Shen-Long!" Kermit ordered Bulma who had the Dragon Balls.

"It's Shenron," Bulma corrected Kermit.

"I know, I'm just making a joke," Kermit replied.

"And my work here is done," Frieza said before fleeing into his spaceship and taking off, Cheelai and Lemo staying behind.

"That bastard!" Cheelai shouted at Frieza before looking at Broly. "Is there anything we can possibly do to save him?!"

"Uh, duh. Why else would we summon the Dragon?" Cell questioned before pointing at Shenron.

"State your wish," Shenron said.

"Take Broly," Cell pointed at Broly who was bodying Vegeta and Goku, "his girlfriend," he then pointed at Cheelai, "and the old man," he pointed at Lemo, "and put them back on Vampa."

"Done," Shenron said as they all disappeared.

"Now, fix our Time Machine," Kermit said as he gestured to said Time Machine.

"Done," Shenron said, before he disappeared randomly.

"What the fuck? Why did he disappear?" Cell questioned.

"We must've used all of the wishes he had stocked up," Bulma assumed. "Why does it matter anyways?"

"We were gonna see if he could grant Frieza's wish," Cell answered. "That, or we would've asked him if he could tell us if we'd be freed from Lego soon."

"Why do you need to be freed from a children's toy?" Bulma questioned before they heard Lego shouting very loudly while sounding extremely agitated before he stopped.

"Because he's a pain in our asses," Cell said before he and Kermit hopped into the Time Machine and disappeared back into the DevilArtemis Universe.

Bulma was silent before sighing. "Why wouldn't they just wish for me to be five years younger instead of whatever Frieza's wish was?"

She really is worrying over nothing, since she's been looking young for years. Especially since the start of the Dragon Ball series.

Cell: Fuck that, both of their wishes were stupid. I'd rather do Frieza's though because he at least gave us what we needed.

He also made Broly go Super Saiyan.

Cell: ...true.