The Perfect Roast Party
"Zarbon, why the hell are we at your house?" Cell questioned as he, Kermit the Frog, Zarbon, the other friends including some of the newer ones (minus Joker who was attending rehab, and Sam who didn't want to come for who knows why).
"Because Cell, I decided to host a little get together," Zarbon stated. "And relax, I will be on good behavior. You have my word."
Everyone kinda just raised an eyebrow at that, before Cell turned to them all and asked, "Who got Zarbon high?"
"I'm not dosed on anything Cell," Zarbon said. "I am perfectly fine. I think the only reason I'm as normal as the rest of you are is because of my boyfriend, Hisoka."
"Where even is he?" Kermit asked.
"I wish he could've joined us, but something last minute came up involving his work, and it was really important it seems," Zarbon answered. "Now, why don't we get this party started?"
Slowly, everyone filed into Zarbon's house, and saw that it was actually rather nice, with nothing misplaced or dirty. It was as though he stole the house from someone and replaced it with some of his belongings, which appeared to be nothing more than photos.
"Holy shit," Cell commented.
"The place looks nice," Black commented.
"That's because you all hold such biased opinions about him you fail to realize he can actually do something when he's not in a horny state," Junior stated bluntly.
Lego suddenly appeared. "Yo, what's up every-" he then saw that he was intruding on a party. "-body…" He then disappeared instantly.
"What was his deal?" Jiraiya asked no one in particular.
"We never invited him, so he probably felt like he was intruding," Roshi answered. "That, or he's getting something, in which case-"
Lego then reappeared while wearing a suit, and also brought Shallot and his girlfriend. "Now it's a party," Lego said with a smile though no one could see it since he wore a mask.
"Great…" Cell grumbled. "Now the author is here."
Zarbon looked at the supposedly perfect being. "What's so wrong with him?"
"Yeah, isn't he a kinda chill dude?" SMG4 asked.
"He was never invited," Cell said.
"That's because I invited myself, asshole," Lego replied. "Or do we need to fight?"
"You can fight? That's laughable," Cell said. "You had to call upon one of your fellow authors to beat Overhaul."
"He was immortal," Shallot pointed out. "And it's not like you did anything. You just sat and watched."
"He does have a point," Cooler told Cell. "You were kind of useless."
"Useless?! I helped raise morale!" Cell replied, offended by being called useless.
"What was one major thing that you did?" Shallot asked Cell. "One major thing."
"I… uh…" Cell looked away.
"Exactly," Emo Gohan said as he chugged a bottle of alcohol. "You, like a lot of the people here and there, were useless."
"At least I'm not dealing with a multiverse of Gohans," Cell retorted.
"At least I can defeat a villain during an arc and not have to rely on some side character to do the deed," Emo countered. "Remember Shaggy? Shallot killed him."
"And Cermit with a C, that was Kermit who killed him," Lego said. "And All For One was defeated by Pickle Piccolo. Which is quite sad, even though All For One did come back."
"And remember that Carl kid?" Frieza reminded Cell. "I had to help you in order for you to defeat him."
Several people began to laugh at Cell, who simply looked away, embarrassed and ashamed.
"Oh, and didn't you lose to Shallot once?" Lego also added. "Hell, Shallot's upstaged you the most out of everyone!"
"That, and at least he can keep a girl," Shallot's girlfriend said. "How many girls have appeared in your videos and you've kept them?"
Cell was about to retort, when Lego said, "Well, the only one he did keep was Yoruichi from Bleach, and even then, that was from the arc where he didn't realize his own best friend wasn't there and was replaced by his imposter brother! Though that's also not including his thot-droid, but even then, she never appears anymore!"
"Oh you shut the hell up!" Cell retorted at the author. "Last I checked, you have no friends!"
"Actually, I have Tale and Dragon, thank you," Lego reminded. "And then there is my personal life, but that's irrelevant." Lego pointed at Cell. "And who are your friends? Oh right, an idiotic frog, a galatic emperor who doesn't get screen time, a gay space warrior, a wanted murderer, a senile old man who talks about his war crimes, and a bunch of other characters who don't get much screen time anymore." He crossed his arms. "Remember Broly?"
"I…" Cell scoffed. "What does that have to do with anything?"
"Cell, be honest with yourself," Shallot began. "You're a shit friend."
"Sadly Cell, I have to agree with them," Zarbon said. "And while it is true we do overcome all problems, in the end you do end up starting them most of the time."
"Isn't this a party? Shouldn't we be partying?" Cell asked everyone so he could dodge the hurl of insults and accusations heading his way.
Shallot walked up to Cell and glared at the bio-android, before pointing at his chest. "We're not done with this," the mocked Saiyan reminded Cell, before he walked away.
As the party slowly continued, Shallot snuck out to go chill on the porch of Zarbon's house which was on a hill and overlooked a large portion of the city. He heard the door open and close behind him and turned to see Lego come out next to him. "'S up?" Shallot asked the author.
"Just needed a break," Lego responded while scratching his head. "God, I'm surprised that the first conversation was just us completely roasting Cell."
"I know right?" Shallot said, while chuckling a bit. "Imagine how people would react to that."
"Who cares, they all think something different," Lego replied.
Shallot nodded and looked out at the city. "...so, you really think things will go well for me?"
"I'm positive. I mean, I am here to help you. And also, I will help you get your revenge against Cell. I suppose today was just the starting fire," the author replied.
Shallot looked at the author now, who was gazing out towards the city. "Really?"
"Sure. I mean, it'd be fun, right? Getting your revenge."
"It'd at least even the score," Shallot said.
"Well, I'm heading back in," Lego announced. He turned around to look through the sliding door and said, "Shit, Shallot, your girl took off her shirt!"
"WAIT, WHAT?!" Shallot questioned.
Unintentionally, this chapter became a giant session of roasting Cell, which I felt was too good to erase, so I kept it. Plus, it was also highlighting something I'm foreshadowing in advance.
I had planned to make this chapter as a normal heartwarming party where everyone is being nice and shit, with some other characters appearing for the party, but I just felt that as it was, it was perfect.
Also, shoutouts to Tale once more, I look forward to seeing what you have in store for Zarbon's Escapades Volume 2. Consider this a farewell gift for Volume 1 and a welcoming gift for Volume 2, whenever the releases.
Now, time for a vegetable arc.