Cell vs Mustard

Somewhere on a small island in the middle of the sea in the Poké-nations of the DAU, Cell was with his Pokémon and professional luchador wrestler, Juan.

"Okay, why did you bring me here Juan?" Cell asked Juan as he looked down at the Pikachu in a luchador outfit.

"For the sake of conquering the Pokémon League of course," Juan answered as he spoke with a hint of a latino accent.

"Look," Cell began, "I know I said I wanted to conquer the Pokémon League, but how the fuck does that lead us to a island literally in the middle of nowhere?!"

"This is the Isle of Armor, mi amigo," Juan began. "Where you can become an even finer Pokémon Trainer, like you were meant to be, senior."

Cell looked around the Isle of Armor. "We are… really doing this, huh?"

"Indeed," Juan confirmed. "¡Al dojo!"

"What the fuck does that mean?!" Cell questioned.

"To the dojo," Juan answered cheerfully.

"...oh," Cell replied.

"Welcome to my dojo," an old man wearing a teal jacket said as Cell and Juan entered the dojo. "You are on the Isle of Armor, my private island."

"And you are?" Cell asked, not knowing who this old man was.

"My name is Mustard," Mustard introduced. "And no, not like Heinz before you make that comment. Additionally, not like that gas. I don't know which disciple of mine decided to spread that rumor, but I don't pass gas, and if I did, it wouldn't kill people! But, that's besides the point." Mustard looked at Cell and Juan. "I take it you're here to learn how to fight.

"Si, senior," Juan confirmed. "My trainer is looking to enter the Pokémon League, and we could use your guidance."

Mustard seemed to hum in thought. "Well, I was once a champion myself before I retired to this private island I own." Mustard nodded as he rubbed his chin. "Very well. Present your ticket."

"¿Qué dijiste?" Juan questioned.

"Present your ticket as proof of your membership," Mustard said. "I still need money after all, and the weed farm hasn't been going so well since that Scream fellow entered the business."

"The fuck?" Cell questioned.

"Well, if you see," Mustard began, "I've been running my weed farm all the way since-"

"No, the membership!" Cell said. "We came all the way to your goddamn island, and yet you're going to demand a ticket for the sake of training under you?!"

"I'm a celebrity," Mustard said. "This is normal. Now, unless you have a celebrity friend, I can't help you unless you pay up."

Cell looked down at Juan. "Juan, you're a professional wrestler! Surely he will recognize you!"

"Unfortunately," Juan began. "I haven't been too big in the business since becoming your Pokémon. We have hit a roadblock."

"FUCK!" Cell shouted.

Juan patted Cell on the leg. "Do not fret, we will have to learn the natural way."

"Oh wow, Cell, is that you?" A familiar voice began, before Cell, Juan, and Mustard turned to see the formidable Talespinner69, more commonly known as Tale, walking up.

"Oh my god, it's Tale!" Cell shouted as he looked at the Realmcrafter. "What are you doing here?!"

"You know these broke hoes?" Mustard asked Tale.

"Yeah," Tale said with a nod.

"Alright, well since you know them, I guess they can stay on my island," Mustard said. "In the meantime, I'm gonna go write back to my distant cousin's son and console him since he lost to a platypus apparently." Mustard then walked off, leaving the three to mingle.

"Anyways…" Tale turned back to Cell and Juan. "What brings you two here?"

"We are here so Cell can learn how to become a professional Pokémon trainer!" Juan answered. "However, we lack a membership."

"Why are you here Tale?" Cell asked. "The DAU isn't a safe place right now, even for a side arc, and this is Lego's story."

"Since when has Lego cared if anyone shows up in his stories?" Tale asked. "And additionally, you guys do kinda reference me every so often anyways, so it's not like you all can talk."

Cell went silent, before looking away and mumbling, "Guilty as charged…"

"Indeed." Tale then pulled out a script and said, "And I'm here to gear up for the DAU Pokémon League as well to try and become champion… yada yada yada…" Tale flipped the page of the script and looked at it. "...I'mma just wing it, Lego's too preoccupied to care anyways."

"You have a script?!" Cell questioned. "And what do you mean Lego's too preoccupied?!"

"That's besides the point," Tale said. "In any case, I can train you into becoming a Pokémon trainer, and a decent one at that because… well…" Tale looked over at a corner of the dojo, where several of the students were notably high with Cheech, Chong, and Snoop Dogg. "...yeah."

"Is that Cheech and Chong?" Cell questioned, surprised. Whilst Cell was ultimately distracted, one of the other Realmcrafters (or authors on FFN) walked through a portal.

StarDustDragonKnight, known by either Stardust or Dragon, shot a 12 gauge slug from a shotgun at Cell, hitting him in the back of the knee. "You thought I was gone, but I came back," Dragon said as Cell. "Now I'm gonna go bang the Queen of Hell. Later bitches!" Dragon jumped through a portal, disappearing as suddenly as he showed up.

"MY FUCKING KNEE!" Cell shouted as he clutched his knee. "IT FUCKING BURNS, WHY?!"

Tale hummed. "He really couldn't wait, could he?" Tale remarked, being rhetorical with his words as he looked down at Cell. "Oh well."

As Tale and Juan helped Cell with his knee, Cheech and Chong watched it all unfold. "Damn man," Chong remarked. "A star just shot that bug with pixie dust."

Sometimes I wonder why I start side arcs… Oh well. Maybe things get crazier down the line. Who knows? I know the next chapter is going to be something special.

Crossover Credits:

Tale (Talespinner69, FFN)

Dragon (StarDustDragonKnight, FFN)