Chapter 135: Glaring at a slithering shadow

Logistics.

The bane of a great many over the years.

Byleth had experience with it, both before and after becoming a professor, so she was not nearly as bothered by it all.

"It's about one-hundred and twenty." She paused for a moment, eyes sliding down the remainder of the notes before looking back up. "One-hundred and twenty-one."

Because it was best to be precise with these sorts of details.

And the additional person came from the one that Goetia had already taken with him prior to whatever happened at Remire. A rather large village, she supposed, and it was good enough that none of them had perished. Though the problem would obviously come for where they would keep all of them.

"Abyss is relatively secure." Catherine spoke up when prompted with that, the knight shrugged her shoulders and looked up. "You've been down there a while so…"

Goetia, as he looked back at her, seemed to be barely paying attention. At least as far as she could see, his eyes were at least directed towards Catherine but he had a gaze that was a thousand yards away. Answering only with a small hum and a faint nod of the head, which was either an assent to the plan or anything else.

Though if she thought help could come from anywhere else, she was mistaken on that front as well.

Rhea was wearing a near identical expression to Goetia…for some reason, Byleth wasn't sure what that was about.

Maybe she should ask?

Though it felt weird to consider on account of the two of them not really speaking for quite a while in any capacity that wasn't professional.

"That is not an insubstantial number." Seteth pointed out. "And to ask the people of Abyss to take care of their needs until they recover, regardless of how minimal they might be, is rather…troublesome. There is little love lost between those of Abyss and the Church as it stands."

Catherine frowned. "It's not a big ask. These guys aren't doing anything at the moment…are they?"

"...No."

Goetia could not have sounded more disinterested if he tried.

Seteth rubbed his brows and shook his head. "Perhaps we should table such discussions until someone from Abyss is present to represent the feasibility of moving the villagers there. As Goetia will doubtless be working closely with Hanneman and Manuela both in finding a cure to whatever has been done to these unfortunate souls."

Standing up, the man looked across to her.

"Unless someone is in disagreement?"

There was a silence that went about the room as answer enough.

"Then we shall meet again at the same time tomorrow, for now the villagers can be placed in the medical tents and treated with a regular guard. Catherine, I leave such matters in your hands."

Catherine nodded, glancing at Goetia for a second before she stood up and made to leave.

Byleth remained in her seat, eyes drifting between Goetia and Rhea for a couple of seconds as she stared at both of their faces. They had been like this since they first started the trek back to the monastery from Remire and had remained as such well into the next day. Though they were far from alone in that.

Goetia stood without warning and departed just as swiftly, sparing no one a look or words and marched right out of the door, steps vanishing away.

Byleth turned her head back around and rose up from her own chair, stopping and rolling her jaw back and forth before she stepped around the table and walked towards the head of it. Meeting the eyes of Seteth as she did so and giving the briefest nod of a head to him.

She was aware that he and Rhea weren't on the same speaking terms at the moment.

It wasn't like Byleth had any lingering negative feelings towards Rhea like he did, so she could at least do this much.

And with Sothis being…absent at the moment, it felt like the easier task of the two of them right now.

Seteth moved out of the room, leaving herself and Rhea alone. Except for the fact the Archbishop still hadn't seemed to notice any of it. Vaguely reminded of when Goetia had gone through a similar state, but this felt different to her. It wasn't all that much colder, but instead felt warm.

If she had to say what it was closest to, she would say Dimitri.

Which she found rather strange.

Taking hold of a chair as she walked past, she dragged it away from the table and then across towards the side of Rhea, stopping and letting it settle. Quickly sitting down on it and folding her arms over her chest, waiting for the woman to take notice of the fact that the meeting had ended and it was just the two of them.

After a few seconds, Rhea blinked and jolted upright, looking around swiftly before her eyes flicked towards her and froze. Surprise was rather apparent but quickly reined back as the Archbishop cleared her throat, eyes flickering back down with an apologetic tinge to them.

"I seem to have become lost in my thoughts, Professor." Rhea sighed. "I hope you will forgive me for such a display."

Byleth nodded her head. "I'm sure it was important."

She didn't know if it was or not, but she assumed it was.

The Archbishop gave a barest hint of a twitch before she looked away, whatever apologetic face she had been wearing was quickly wiped clean in that moment. Instead there was something hot, restrained perhaps.

With a glance downwards, at the sound of a scratching noise, she saw how the nails of the Archbishop were curling wood under them as they were dragged back. She did not even think that the woman herself was aware of any of it. Not until there was a sharp inhalation and the hands were quickly retracted off the table, brushing against one another and flicking the wood shavings to the floor.

"I shall be more focused when we meet once more." Rhea spoke, sliding her chair back and making to stand up.

"Are you alright?" Byleth asked, if only to get a direct answer.

What else was she supposed to ask anyway, but it felt like asking a stupid question.

Rhea was stopped before she could rise up, hands placed flat against the arm of the chair. Her lips went thin before rolling inwards. Green eyes turned towards her very slowly.

"...My mind is elsewhere."

"Yes." Byleth agreed. "Are you alright?"

Further silence from Rhea, and she wasn't quite sure if the woman was actually going to answer.

"Is it…" Rhea wet her lips, eyes flicking either side of her shoulders before back to her face. Byleth wasn't quite sure she liked the tint of hope in her voice as she could already see what was going to be asked here. "...Is it you asking-"

"It is."

If Rhea was disappointed by that answer, she did not make much of an effort to show it on her face. Though her shoulders did fall ever so slightly and it made Byleth feel slightly unsure of how to truly take that. On the one hand, she knew for a fact she was more than Sothis but on the other hand…it wasn't like she didn't know about Rhea's obsession with Sothis and all of that.

Also she had no way of knowing any of what was happening with the Goddess right now.

"...Forgive me." Rhea said with no elaboration. "That was insensitive to ask."

"It's fine-"

"I do not believe it is." Came the interruption. "However…thank you for asking, Professor. Please do not assume I am dismissing you entirely but…"

"I get it." Byleth nodded her head slowly, "Are you alright?"

Rhea made a face, wearing a mirthless smile as she leaned back into her chair with her eyes fixed on the table in front of her. "Asking the same of me three times and I have yet to even answer, my mind is truly a world away."

Then the smile vanished.

"...No, I cannot say that I am feeling terribly well at the moment. Though I have an appearance to preserve."

She had a feeling what it was about.

"Is it to do with the dead man?"

"...You have Jeralt's sharpness." Rhea remarked, though it did not sound like much of a compliment at the moment. "And I shall not deny that it is for that reason I am not feeling like myself. Even beyond what has become of the people of Remire…I was the one who placed a priority upon that report and…I feel more the fool for missing the signs."

"There were signs?"

If there were, Byleth hadn't seen them.

She was fairly certain not even Goetia had seen them until he actually heard from a couple gossipers about it.

And that was Goetia himself, even beyond that there had been no reason to suspect something was going to happen to the people or who was even behind it. It was something that caught everyone flatfooted, so it seemed a bit unwise to start blaming oneself for things using made up reasons.

She got enough of that with the students.

Rhea sighed. "This cowardly manner of attack. The weaponization of innocents against their friends and family. It is exactly the sort of…"

With a low growl, Rhea flicked her hand, her lip curling ever so slightly in annoyance. "I know how they operate and have seen them do this before. I should have paid closer attention to what was happening and been more alert the moment Goetia started spreading warnings about it. I was complacent and foolish and…and people suffered for it."

Byleth blinked. "Maybe they knew you would notice and changed things up so you wouldn't?"

Rhea only scoffed under her breath. "Yes, that would be a comfortable excuse to shroud myself with. Worse is that I was…I was suspicious they still remained. I had spoken with Seteth of such things. You knew of the Agarthans and whether they could still remain here and…And I was right."

It was followed by a mere shrug of the shoulders.

"I was right. They survived…because that is what cockroaches do, is it not? They survive whatever attempts you hold to exterminate them and return to infest your home and destroy anything they lay their hands on. Then people die."

Byleth inclined her head. "Only one person died."

And it was the guy behind it.

So she figured that was a pretty good ending for it all.

Rhea let out a soft chuckle at that, it was the first show of actual amusement. "Yes, that is something to rejoice over, I suppose. Falling victim to his own arrogance and confidence, it seemed as though this one was wholly unprepared for encountering Goetia…"

The smile quickly turned to a frown.

"How unfortunate that he perished before he could reveal whatever he knew of his allies or how many of them remained. It would have been a small manner of atonement before he met his just end but…but I shall be glad that this scheme ended in failure and they perished, but now…now I am left with…"

Byleth could only nod her head.

That sounded like a lot of anger.

Not without reason, because apparently the guy had been Tomas.

Which was really weird.

"...He hid amongst us for months." Rhea rolled her jaw. "Walked around as if he…"

With another sharp breath, the Archbishop rose up and scraped the chair back rather loudly. Each inhale and exhale coming with far more force. The woman brushed down her gown and closed her eyes, resting her hands on her front and then opening them up again. Now that Byleth had seen it, she could not unsee the anger in her eyes.

"It seems as though there is much to do." Rhea remarked with a slow nod of the head. "...Thank you for taking the time to ask about my wellbeing, Professor. It was…very thoughtful of you."

Byleth nodded her head. "...Don't do anything rash."

Rhea's expression was hard to decipher, and with that she turned on her heel and marched for the same door as everyone else.

Now left alone in the room, Byleth found herself leaning back and noticing something that left her feeling more than a little troubled.

Both Rhea and Sothis made the exact same face when they got angry.

…She was going to speak with Seteth about this, if nothing else, maybe he could keep a firm head in case the Archbishop did anything careless when she was angry that she might come to regret. He probably knew better than her whether someone was actually going to do something or not.

Flayn set her book down to one side, crossed one leg over the other, and then turned her eyes onto the arrival in her room.

He had not knocked, but then it was clear from his face that it was the last thing on his mind, and he moved to seize a chair from her, dragged it towards himself and then sat down upon it. She was, at least, pleased that he used his hand rather than magic to accomplish the task. It proved to her that he was at least remembering her warning to him.

Or he was deciding it was more trouble than it was worth to use magic where she could see him do it.

With Goetia, either option was a real possibility.

But she favoured the first.

So she sat there and waited for him to say something, anything, except there was nothing.

He sat there, opposite her, with his lone arm resting on the chair and his fingers drumming a faint pattern into the wood. Up and down repeatedly, she was not sure if he was even aware of what he was doing. The longer she looked at him, the more it was becoming apparent to her that he was just sitting there and thinking.

But she would not rush him.

He might well have come here to have some time to relax, yet she would have rather preferred it if he did that in the comfort of his own room rather than barging into hers.

"...I…failed."

When he did finally speak, after about a minute of full silence, it was those two words. Flayn felt rather surprised that he had spoken such things in the first place, as well as the uncertainty with which he had said them. Sounding them out by each syllable with a small wavering between the two of them.

Drawing in a long breath, he exhaled.

"I." He started again. "Failed."

Those two words, with more confidence than before but equally more of a reaction. From how things looked to her, it was as if he was trying to argue with no one but himself.

"I failed." It was the quietest one yet, but it sounded the most certain of those which had come before. The lack of unease or even incredulity on his own expression cemented that for her. Whatever he was speaking of, he was utterly convinced that he had failed and has just convinced himself of it.

Flayn placed her hands atop her knees, one over the other, and leaned forwards ever so slightly. The small movement brought the eyes of Goetia upon her with a sudden intensity that looked annoyed. No, it was clear that he was irritated with her about something, there was no denying that.

"I failed." He stated. "...You said I had done enough, why lie about that?"

Ah, now she knew what he was speaking of.

"You mean in regards to the handling of the Remire village."

"Obviously." He snapped, his fingers stopped tapping and instead curled into a fist on the chair. A very slow movement which was punctuated by the drawn out sound of scratching wood. "Unless you mean to elaborate on any other recent failures of mine?"

She focused on the first part of the question.

"Why do you believe that you failed?"

Goetia looked at her as if she was stupid, the annoyance briefly vanished and was replaced by incredulity and a slight mix of disbelief. "Surely it is readily apparent to you the ways in which I failed?"

"Perhaps they are." She admitted, but she could not see them. "Though I am not you. Can you explain to me the ways in which you believe that you failed?"

Goetia scoffed loudly, slumping back into the chair and brushing his hand.

"...The phantasmal escaped."

She nodded her head.

"We learned nothing from the one who aided in creating that fiasco to begin with."

She knew of that as well, or rather she knew who it was. A rather shuddering thought that had taken root in her heart, but it was not about what she felt to the individual at the time and she knew Goetia had a point. It might have been better for them to remain alive - despite their crime - so that they could point out if they had any allies who could attempt similarly monstrous crimes.

"Har-Humans were wounded." He continued on, clenching his jaw. "I expended more magical energy that I was required to and was left…incapable of preventing the escape of the Phantasmal and all that is left to show for my own personal intervention is the lives of the villagers."

Flayn nodded her head. "As I understand it, there was not a single fatality among the villagers, do you consider that a failure?"

"That was the bare minimum requirement." Goetia declared. "It was the expected outcome, that was not a criteria for success or failure. Would you declare the act of breathing to be a success?"

"And though the knights responding were wounded, I am led to believe that they shall be making recoveries with no lasting injuries."

"There was no reason for them to be there in the first place. It should not have been necessary for there to have been further intervention from either yourself, the knights, Byleth or any of you."

Flayn inclined her head. "Is that why you consider it a failure?"

"What? Because I received aid?" Goetia pursed his lips. "No, that was unfortunate but that alone is not why it was a failure. I am…aware of the limitations of my power. The encounter with Sitri stands as a testament to my lacking strength from my prime."

Flayn nodded slowly. "But Sitri was different, were they not?"

"Of course Sitri was different!" Goetia snapped back at her, eyes flaring red before they dimmed and he breathed out through his nose. "They were different. This creature was no Sitri, it was some drooling animal that could string together a few sentences and was only capable of fighting me because of the blessing of Sothis. That alone was the reason it was a threat."

"So you dismissed them as a threat completely."

"No." Goetia frowned. "I have just said they were a threat. They were simply not on the level of Sitri."

And yet Flayn could tell there was more to this.

Ah, now she understood.

"And yet they escaped while Sitri did not."

From the way Goetia's entire body tensed up, his hand forming a fist once more, and his eyes narrowing into near slits, she figured she had hit the nail on the head with that one. At least now she could understand why he viewed this as a failure of sorts, even if she did not see it to the same extent.

It was saddening that the creature had escaped to terrorise others again, but she would much rather focus on the fact it had been thwarted.

"...Yes." Goetia said after some moments of silence, the mere confession was like pulling teeth from him.

"You believe that you should have been able to prevent that?"

"I was able to prevent it." Goetia snapped, then brought himself back, lowering his voice. "I was able to do so but I…I restricted myself with the survival of the villagers, with the intention of not allowing them to come to harm, even as they harmed me in turn."

That was a little confession that made Flayn's brow twitch ever so slightly but she stopped herself making a comment.

"If you have said you were restricted and pushed to your limits-"

"I was restricted." Goetia cut in. "Certainly not pushed to my limits. Only with the intervention of the knights was I forced to divide my attention but it should not have…I did not predict that the outcome would…"

He waved his lone hand and dropped it back down, falling into another silence.

Flayn was certain she understood what the issue was now.

Adjusting herself she placed her hands on her lap. "You have lost battles before, have you not?"

"Restricted-"

"And unrestricted?"

"...I have." Goetia admitted slowly, raising his hand and rubbing his fingers back and forth across his brow, eyes closed. "I have lost battles even in my prime. No, I lost a single prolonged battle because I…could not foresee my defeat but that was…I am different to how I was back then."

He dropped his hand down, eyes hard.

"I know that-"

"Do you?" Flayn cut in with a tilt of the head, Goetia stared at her for a few moments and she pressed further. "Because you act as though the moment you took to the field, victory was a sure thing."

"It should have been."

"Because you are so powerful."

"Yes."

"Except you needed help when fighting Sitri."

"...That was different-"

"Was it?" Flayn asked, he was silent once more. "I will not deny that you are very powerful Goetia, perhaps one of the strongest people in this monastery at the moment. I am certain that if you were at your strongest you would have faced no issues but you are not at your strongest, are you?"

"Clearly." His tone was flat, irate.

"Yes. Clearly." Flayn nodded, "So then why does it bother you that you can fail if you are not at your strongest? Surely you should have been aware of the possibility?"

"Because I am still different to all of you." Goetia waved his hand, pointing a finger. "That creature was an animal with scraps of intellect and nothing more. Those villagers were frothing at the mouth and little better than apes. That fool who called himself Tomas was a mere bug in my ears. I am still far enough above all of them."

"And you failed."

He glared.

Flayn raised her hand in a placating fashion. "I do not say this to be cruel or to insult you, but you yourself have said as such. You went there to protect the village and capture those responsible for the chaos and succeeded only in - what you consider - a basic requirement."

Goetia placed his knuckles against the side of his head, propping his elbow up on the arm of the chair and staring at her without a word.

"Failure is natural, Goetia." Flayn continued."Even the best of us stumble. The villagers are alive because of you. That is an undeniable fact."

"And how long before such a thing is repeated elsewhere?" Goetia argued back, his tone cold. "When the Phantasmal appears to massacre the knights because it could not be dealt with here? How many shall suffer because I-"

"You are not the supreme protector of everything that exists in Fodlan." Flayn interrupted him. "And as you have said, you have your limits."

She adjusted her seating and leaned forwards.

"Suppose this creature had been Sitri instead." She suggested instead. "Or another being like them, perhaps not related to you but equally powerful, and the same result had played out. Would you view it the same way?"

Goetia pinched his brows and did not give an immediate response to her, instead he looked in thought.

"Do you consider this a failure because, in your own words, these individuals were apparently beneath you?"

"...That…"

"Except you have lost before to those who were 'beneath you' as well, have you not?"

That got her a scowl. "Fujimaru Ritsuka was not some-"

"But he was beneath you, yes?"

"He was-"

"And he defeated you."

"He did-"

"So why are you surprised now?"

"Because it is different!" Goetia roared at her, but he did not rise from the chair, instead slamming down his fist into the arm of it. The reds of his eyes glowed brighter and brighter before they abruptly went dim. "...Because I am different."

"Yes." She nodded, keeping her words soft. "But have you accepted the idea that you can fail?"

"...Humans fail."

"And because you are not human, you are incapable of failure?" Flayn raised a brow, then wordlessly gestured to herself.

Goetia scoffed at her. "You act human enough."

"But I am not human, regardless of how I act. I am certainly no fan of failure, but I have accepted it can happen."

"I should not need to accept it." Goetia exhaled. "I should be sufficient."

"Sufficient enough to require your presence and yours alone?"

"Yes." Goetia declared with a wave of his hand. "Because when I enter the field, that should be the sole requirement for success. I have demonstrated it before, time and again. I arrived and sweep aside the problems as though they were nothing-"

"Is that how you see yourself?" Flayn tilted her head. "As some manner of safety net for when a person falls?"

He went silent and leaned back into his chair.

He looked somewhat stunned by her words, as though he himself had not quite realised that was what he was alluding to.

"If I am not sufficient." Goetia said slowly. "Then it falls to others to carry the burden."

"And you believe that you should not require help."

"I should not need it." He said again."That is for humans and them alone. I went there because I deemed it too dangerous for the humans present. That was why I removed the detachment of clerics to keep them out of the way-"

"And out of danger."

"That should go without saying." He spoke as though he was rolling his eyes. "But that is beside the point. If the situation warrants my personal intervention, then any humans who intervene are guaranteed to be injured or killed. As was demonstrated in the mere handful of seconds that the phantasmal and the bloodsuckers were allowed to run rampant."

Flayn locked her hands together, lips drawing thin.

"Then you are a parent."

Goetia blinked at her, wearing an expression of shock and surprise.

"What?"

"A parent." Flayn repeated. "You watch over the humans - children, in your eyes - and intervene when it becomes clear they require your guidance, but you are content with allowing them to learn at their own pace. Offering enough wisdom to propel them forth, but enough that they are not completely influenced according to your own desires."

She waved a hand towards him.

"But this incident was unlike Sitri, whom you considered your equal. You are not surprised they could cause such damage because they were a member of your own race."

Goetia maintained his silence.

"But this was different. A problem that you were wholly convinced that you could deal with yourself, something that was beyond 'children' but still within your power to handle. Except that is not how it happened. Now the danger remains to threaten them once again."

Goetia looked away from her, she leaned her head forwards.

"Or am I wrong?" She asked. "Does the comparison strike you as inaccurate?"

His silence was her answer.

She offered a soft smile and leaned back, but it was bordering on sympathetic as well.

It was a realisation she was all too familiar with, one that she knew that many others of her kind - including her own father - had come to over the years. The understanding that their efforts were not enough, despite how different they were from humans and how they should know better.

It was a hard thing to come to terms with.

Especially for her.

But this was about Goetia, not her.

"Does the potential of death because of your inability to help strike you as-"

Goetia looked at her sharply.

"I will rephrase." She smoothly corrected. "Are you concerned that perhaps your aid might not be enough and then someone will die because of it? Or become wounded?"

Goetia was silent.

Then he looked down and pinched the bridge of his nose with his hand.

"...There is a knight I am on amicable terms with." He said at last, his words quiet but not a whisper. "His hip was shattered and his upper thigh muscles were crushed during the encounter. I healed him, he will walk again and utterly unaware of how close he had come to being crippled for life."

Flayn offered a sympathetic look. "I am happy to hear that your friend will recover."

"He could have died."

"..."

"I cannot cure death." Goetia brought his head back up. "It was a mere handful of seconds and because I was unable to contain the situation…"

He trailed off, but it was clear what he was implying.

He blamed himself because he was not strong enough to protect his friend, which was a very heartbreaking thing.

"He is alive." Flayn reminded him. "You may visit upon him whenever you wish-"

"That is not the point." Goetia interrupted. "I am Goetia. When humanity was still drilling holes into the skulls of the sick to remove the presence of 'demons making them sick' I presided over them all as a God. A perfect God."

Flayn nodded her head.

"There was almost nothing I could not achieve." He leaned forwards, raising his hand and pinching his fingers together. "I was this close, within a single breath, of curing death itself."

She raised a brow at that but said nothing, instead nodding her head at the rather shocking statement.

Shocking because she could actually believe him, or at least that he believed himself.

Which was enough to at least have her consider the possibility.

"And now…" Goetia lowered his hand down. "Now the humans that I have deigned to protect - for whatever reasons - are not even guaranteed protection under me. Some stray mage armed with foolish arrogance and holding the leash of some mongrel animal that has been granted scraps of divinity…that is, apparently, all that is required to render my protection null and void."

Goetia went quiet.

"...I am limited." He said. "I am not what I once was, I understand that. I am aware of that. I do not need to be reminded of that."

It sounded as though he was reminding himself.

Like he was providing justifications for his failures as a way of rationalising it.

"But it is my protection." Goetia gave a single powerful tap with his finger on the arm of the chair. "It is mine. They are humans under my protection. They should have complete confidence that if I take to the field, they should be secure in their safety. That they should not have to fear for their lives."

Flayn watched him, and he watched her.

With the barest hint of a nod, she gestured for him to continue.

"...He calls me a friend." Goetia stated. "For whatever reason. He calls me a friend and…She should not have even been there. There should have been no reason for her to get involved and risk injury or had to intervene herself. It was clear she would not wish it but she did regardless because I was not enough."

She was unsure as to whom specifically he might have been referring to, or which persons he was speaking. Though she presumed the first was of the knight whom had been injured and healed.

"Goetia." He looked at her. "I shall say this plainly and I need for you to understand it."

He gave no reaction to her words, so she continued.

"You are not perfect."

"I am-"

"And because you are not perfect, you will fail." She spoke over him, "But it is natural. Many will go most of their lives without failure, but it does not mean they shall ever experience it. All we can do is improve and hope that we will be prepared the next time around."

Goetia thinned his lips.

"To be upset is natural." She continued. "To be frustrated is a given. No one likes or appreciates failure, no one wishes to acknowledge that their own strength and abilities were not enough and their friends became hurt because of it, but all we can do with that is to try again and hope that we shall not fail next time."

"I should not have-"

She pointedly looked at him, his words were cut short with that stare.

He quickly looked away and rolled his jaw from side to side, swallowing his words.

Flayn, offering him a small nod, leaned back into her chair. "The question you are now faced with is what do you intend to do now?"

Goetia drummed his fingers.

"What action did you take when you last failed?"

The drumming stopped.

"...I reveluated my actions - am in the continued process of doing that - and attempting to understand where I…miscalculated to lead to that outcome."

Flayn nodded her head. "What do you believe was the fault here?"

"I was…ill-prepared." Goetia said slowly. "I was hasty and did not believe I would encounter sufficient resistance or combat. I did not control the flow of combat as I should have and beyond this, I was unable to maintain the-"

Flayn slowly raised her hand and waved him down. "I did not mean tactically, I meant in general. Why do you believe that you failed here?"

Goetia tilted his head, a true look of confusion on his face.

She wet her lips and interlocked her fingers. "I know that you were reluctant to accept aid."

"With good reason." Goetia scoffed. "They would have been obstacles-"

"Is that what you think of them, truly?" She raised a brow. "That they are little more than nuisances that would serve only to trip you up at the crucial moment?"

"Ye-"

"Then what of the battle with Sitri?"

"...That was necessity-"

"And this was not?"

Goetia went silent and looked down once more, she was sure he was not quite so used to being put on the backfoot like this and she did not wish to make him feel inadequate, but it was a point she needed to get across.

"I understand that you take on many burdens across the Monastery, far more than you need to, and have a great many active projects which you divide your attention between."

He looked back at her and raised a brow. "What relevance does-?"

"Do you believe that you are capable of managing all of these by yourself?"

"I am capable-"

"Then why delegate responsibility to the people of Abyss? Why not present yourself full-time and govern them completely in the way that you are satisfied with?"

Goetia frowned deeper.

"Because I have other responsibilities that would require my immediate-"

Flayn held up a single finger and smiled.

"You have other responsibilities, so you delegate." She lowered her hand. "While it is true that you did eventually agree to allow the arrival of others to help you, it was only after they made it clear that they would accept no rejections. You did not so much ask for the help as much as it was forced upon you, and then you take the blame for when said help is injured."

She shuffled. "They agreed to go there. It was their own judgement, it was because they wished to help you."

"And it should not have-"

"Been needed, yes." Flayn finished for him. "An argument most circular, but that is currently beside the point. I believe, and correct me if I am wrong, that you do not view yourself as an individual who needs aid."

Goetia raised a brow at her and opened his mouth.

"And I refer not to situations such as these." She quickly interjected, gesturing between the two of them. "This is an area you shall admit a deficiency because, according to you, it has already been proven. Emotions and the mentality of humans frustrate you, so you seek out advice to complete your understanding."

He closed his mouth and slowly nodded his head, then stopped and thinned his lips as he looked at her.

It seemed as though he understood what she was suggesting.

"...you mean to suggest I have not experienced the same deficiency in combat."

Flayn nudged her head forwards. "Have you?"

"...I was defeated." He pointed out, gesturing to himself. "That I am here-"

"Were you defeated in your prime?" Flayn asked. "When you fought, was it with your full and unrestrained power?"

"...No."

"And why not?" Though she knew the answer already.

"...Because I did not believe it was necessary." He said, then stopped. "No. It was…wasteful to use my full strength while I had it."

"And then?"

"...Then I was restricted."

It was precisely the answer she was expecting and, slowly but surely, she was coming to the conclusion of why this had irritated Goetia so deeply beyond all the previous reasons she had come to learn of. Laying back into her chair, she interlocked her hands together and rested them on her lap once more, staring at him from across the room in silence.

Goetia, meanwhile, looked more thoughtful than he had done moments prior. If she were to guess his thought process, she would assume he was replaying the conversation over in his mind and thinking about what she had said.

But a little nudge here and there could help.

"Would you say this battle - a failure in your own words - wounds you so deeply because it has called into question your previous belief in regards to your strength?"

Goetia looked sharply at her.

"And of your reluctance to allow for anyone to aid you." She continued on. "We shall not deny that you are a prideful individual Goetia, and I shall admit there is certainly reason enough for you to be impressed with your variety of skills. I am aware that many others feel the same way and it has become common for them to cease being surprised at whatever new and exciting spell you perform."

Taking in a breath, her rising smile dimmed.

"But beyond this parenting that you have adopted, perhaps even unconsciously, there might be something else at work. Some secondary reason for why you are so troubled by this setback and - perhaps - why it strikes at you so deeply."

Goetia looked like he was going to rise out of the chair, and she would have been happy for him to do just that.

Except he didn't, he shifted his weight forwards and placed his feet flat against the ground…and then did nothing.

He just stared straight ahead and let out a breath, the urge apparently left him and he fell back into the chair once more, eyes flicking to her with some hint of resignation within them. She assumed he was willing to hear what she had to say, but it was certainly not going to be welcomed like that.

Flayn inclined her head at a short angle and looked at him. "In every instance you received help in the past, did you request it?"

"No." He answered swiftly, confidently even. She would have said he was proud of that answer. "It has never been needed."

"But you have received it."

"It was forced upon me and I lacked the interest in arguing."

"Yes." She said. "Forced upon you. Even if it ultimately helped you, would you be convinced that you could have won without that help?"

"...With the exception of Sitri."

"Because he was a part of you." Flayn surmised. "He was an equal. Someone whom you yourself considered evenly matched with in combat, would you not? Fighting them would be a stalemate."

Goetia looked at her strangely for a moment, then frowned. "In my current predicament, myself and Sitri would be ranked as equals, yes."

Which, to her, implied they had not been before, but he admitted to her point.

"Was the help you received vital in defeating Sitri?"

"It was instrumental, yes."

"Because they were an equal and you needed something to tip the scales in your favour-"

"Yes." Goetia cut her off before she could finish, looking more and more irate. "Is there a point to this circular argument?"

Flayn nodded very slowly. "There is, and if you have the patience, I will explain. Would you have asked for help against Sitri?"

"...I would not reject it." He said. "Nor would I have grievances about receiving it, so long as it was from those who were capable of rendering aid."

"And that is the problem."

"Excuse me?"

"Help must be forced upon you." Flayn elaborated. "You will not ask for it, not for magic or fighting, and will instead begrudgingly accept it only because you are not willing to engage in an argument about it. Why do you suppose that is?"

"Because it would be useless to me." Goetia scoffed, this time he did stand up. "Because to ask for help, in any capacity, would be foolish. I am still better than all those here, would you so openly request aid from those beneath you?"

"If help was not needed." She said slowly. "Then why was this a failure in your own words?"

Goetia stared at her, then turned on his heel and marched towards the door.

"Please think about it." She called out to him, though he did not stop or even acknowledge her as he opened the door up and closed it behind her. At least he did not slam the door, but it was quite a bit more forceful than she would have liked.

But he was upset, so it was excused.

As for whether he would come to the realisation…

…That was something she did not know.

Leaning back into her chair, she raised her right hand and rubbed it back and forth over her forehead.

She could guess the reason why Goetia wanted to request no help, but she let him decide it for himself.

As for her…

…Watching him made her feel a little lonely.

Feeding the cats normally brought relief to her.

Should have brought relief to her.

But as she handed out the scraps of meat to the animals at her feet, she found herself unable to find the same joy in it from before.

The eyes kept staring at her, long after their owner had since fled from her sight and to parts unknown, she did not forget the eyes or the way they glared into her own.

The way she felt some pull towards them, the way she could tell - on some level - that they were connected. The thrumming in her chest and the sharp beating in her heart had been enough proof for her that there was something linking the two of them together and, truly, she knew it.

She had always known it.

Marianne was always a monster.

At least now it was a relief for her to see what she was on the inside, there was a cold liberation in that fact.

A faint chirping drew her eyes, slowly turning them towards the small blob of colour which hopped from one knee to the other. Her eyes tracking it back and forth without truly reacting to it in the least, and she was not alone. Idly, she noticed that none of the cats seemed to give much in the way of thought towards the bird either.

Flauros looked up at her, eyes wide and head tilted.

Marianne looked back down at them with her own unblinking stare, giving the barest hint of a smile - if only unconsciously - because of the way they were acting. Some small flutter of warmth in her gut that was short lived, quickly buried as she remembered what she was and what she could one day become.

That thing.

That monster.

It had looked at her, singled her out.

It knew just as well as she knew, the both of them, they were one in the same with the other and if she held any doubts about it, then all she needed to do was walk into the training arena and just stare at the claw marks in the wall. That was all the further proof that she needed for why she was the same as that thing.

Perhaps not now, but one day.

One day.

She looked down at the small pinch on the back of her knuckle, Flauros pecked at her skin a couple times, jerking her mind back into the present.

Moving her other hand, the one not covered in meat juice, she ran her finger back and forth along the nape of the bird with all the care she could muster at the moment. Merely because she was feeling upset did not mean that she should transfer it to the little bird. They were just after some comfort.

Even if they really should get it elsewhere.

Then she stopped and glanced to the side.

Someone had sat down beside her, she froze as she actually caught a glimpse of white in the hair.

Her finger stopped moving completely, quickly drawing it back to herself and keeping them on her lap and fully in the open, she stared straight down at the feeding cats and said nothing else, giving no reaction to the person who sat beside her.

"...Are you…" The voice of the one beside her spoke up for a brief moment, then it trailed off and fell into a sigh.

Marianne did not blame her, she would hardly wish to speak with her either at the moment.

"...Are you well?" Lysithea finished her sentence, but it was certainly an obligation rather than concern.

They were just being polite.

Slowly, Marianne nodded her head up and down.

She could feel the stare on the side of her head, even if she could not see it, and then heard the sharp exhale of Lysithea, the rustling of clothes and the shifting of weight across the bench.

"...You do not need to lie." Lysithea said, but she sounded more irritated than anything else. Marianne winced at how see-through she had been.

"...Sorry." She said.

"Don't apologise to me for that." Was the swift response, then another sigh followed. "Just…are you feeling alright?"

"...The last mission was…" She trailed off, not really feeling the need to put it into words.

Words that did not exist.

Lysithea though, she just hummed tiredly.

"Yes." She said. "It was rather…something else. Not what I thought I would experience when I came here to learn."

Marianne never thought much of anything coming here.

"You…" Lysithea was silent for a moment, then she continued. "You…did you…panic?"

Panic.

"...I was scared." Marianne admitted slowly, it would be foolish not to do so. She was still scared now.

She was always going to be scared, she supposed.

"...Yeah." Lysithea muttered, slowly nodding her head up and down. "It's…it's normal."

Normal, she said.

Marianne could only nod her head up and down in turn, admitting to herself that it truly was normal for her. Feeling that sense of fear every single day.

"Were…" She swallowed and finished her sentence. "Were you?"

"...It looked right at me." Lysithea said, her voice sounding rather small now. "...And all…no. It…nothing."

Marianne slowly turned her head just enough that she saw Lysithea's face, with eyes downcast and hands resting on her knees, the pale haired girl wasn't really looking at anything except for the ground and the cats. It was a sight she burned into her brain for a second or two, then quickly looked away and straight ahead all over again.

"...Do you…" She moved her free hand into her pocket, feeling some small relief as she found what she was looking for and quickly pulled out a small handful of bird seeds.

She always made sure to carry some around for when she saw the birds.

Though now Flauros helped himself to them whenever.

Lysithea grunted and looked at the outstretched hand of seen, eyes dancing from it towards Flauros, then she wordlessly raised her own palm and held it outstretched. With neither sound nor prolonged stares from either of them, she tipped the seeds into Lysithea's palm and leaned back to let the girl have access to the finch.

Flauros, as expected, hopped across to the food and started to help himself.

Marianne betrayed herself in this moment.

…It was a nice moment she didn't deserve.

And it was so very sinful that she wished it would last longer.