Content Warning: This chapter contains disturbing content such as depictions of violence, cultish practices, strong language, fast food service, and disco.

Reader Discretion Advised.

Lucy approaches carrying a lit candle, "The blood is the life...and it shall be mine."

Interview with an Aspiring Vampire

"We're sorry, the number you are calling is no longer in service."

"That can't be right..." Lincoln looked suspiciously at his phone, then looked up towards the audience. "So...something weird is going on. You all remember back in Chapter 17 when Lucy, Grim, Clyde, and me met Dracula? Then Grim told us Clyde was a vampire? Well...I haven't spoken to Clyde much since then."

Lincoln pulled down a calendar "In fact...I haven't seen or heard from Clyde in three months! I know, you're probably thinking, 'Lincoln, it's been three months and now you're noticing that Clyde is missing?' And well, you're not wrong, but keep in mind that a lot happened since then and last I heard from Clyde was that he had to see Dr. Lopez for therapy over his...condition."

Lincoln put the calendar away and held up his smartphone, "But that's not all! I can't reach Clyde's cell phone and all of his social media accounts have been deleted! I think he even had his Mist account erased because I can't find him on there either! Something REALLY weird is going on, and now I need to get to the bottom of it!"

Lincoln left his room and marched to Leni's room, knocking on her door, "Leni? I need your help!"

Leni answered the door, "Hi Linky! What's up?"

"Hey Leni, can you drive me to Clyde's house?"

Leni nodded, "Sure thing! Who's Clyde?"

Lincoln paused a moment, "Uh, Leni, Clyde has been my best friend for seven years! You know who he is!"

Leni rubbed her chin, "Hmm...nope, first time I'm hearing about this!"

Lincoln sighed, "You know, Claude?"

Leni frowned, "I thought you said his name was Clyde? I don't know a Claude either."

Lincoln was confused by this, "Uh...you know what? I think I might be confused, thanks Leni."

"Oh, you're welcome, Linky!" Leni closed the door.

Lincoln scratched his head, "Boy that was WEIRD! Maybe Leni got hit on the head or something...or maybe Eris did- no wait, I don't think the Nice Eris would do something bad to Leni...heck, she even got a job at Burpin' Burger!"

...

Meanwhile at Burpin' Burger, Eris was taking an order from a very large woman. "I'll take a Double Triple Bossy Deluxe, on a raft, four-by-four animal-style, extra shingles with a shimmy and a squeeze, light axle grease, make it cry, burn it, and let it swim."

Eris wrote the order down, "Okay, that's a Number 22, that'll cost 13.99 and you'll have to sign our waiver."

The customer put her greasy filthy hands on the counter, "WHAT? IT WAS 8.99 THE OTHER MONTH!"

Eris nodded, "Yes, yes it was."

"This is PRICE GOUGING! Get me your manager!"

Eris nodded again, "At once." She took out her Apple of Discord and used it on herself to change her hat to say "MANAGER" and cleared her throat, "May I help you, ma'am?"

The customer was a bit stunned, "Aren't you the girl from earlier?"

"Yeah, we're very shortstaffed at the moment."

"No wonder the service here is terrible, tell the owner to hire more people!"

"The next time I see me, I'll let myself know."

...

Lincoln barged into Luna and Luan's room with only the former being there strumming on her guitar, "Hey Linc, what's up?"

"Uh, hey Luna, wanna come with me to Clyde's house?"

Luna stopped strumming, "Who's Clyde, dude?"

Lincoln blinked a few times, "Uh, Clyde McBride? You know him, Luna! You even babysat his cats before for Mr. and Mr. McBride!"

"Woah, the McBrides have a kid? I didn't know that! Good for them!" Luna cheered.

"Luna this- ugh, nevermind!"

Lincoln shut the door a bit hard. He pulled out his smartphone and decided it was time to use the nuclear option: calling Clyde's dads.

After a few rings, someone picked up, "Hello?"

"Uh, hello Mr. McBride. This is Lincoln, can I talk to Clyde?"

"Lincoln? Are you feeling okay? Who's Clyde?"

Lincoln nearly dropped the phone, "Your son? Don't tell me you-"

"Oh Lincoln, we don't have a son. You must be confusing us with someone else."

Lincoln wasn't sure what to say to that.

"Lincoln? Are you still there?"

Lincoln hung up and curled up on the floor. This was getting a bit too much, had he really just imagined Clyde all this time?

"What's wrong, Lincoln?" Lucy asked from behind.

"Ah!" Lincoln yelped as he spun around, "Lucy! Please tell me you know who Clyde is!"

"Uh, of course I do. He's been your best friend since you were five and he is apparently a vampire." Lucy answered.

Lincoln let out a sigh of relief, "Oh thank God, I thought I was going crazy! Leni, Luna, and even his dads forgot him!"

Lucy sighed, "I can relate. You all tend to forget me at times."

"No, I mean they seem to have no idea he even exists!"

"Story of my life."

"Lucy, we really need to get you some therapy or something...hmm..." Lincoln got out his phone and looked up Dr. Lopez's office online.

"I rather not open my soul to a mortal who will throw medicine at me thinking it will make me happy." Lucy remarked.

You and me both, Lucy.

"I know Lucy, I just had an idea." Lincoln called Dr. Lopez's number and waited.

"Hello, you've reached Dr. Lopez's office. May I ask who is calling?" answered a man's voice from the phone.

"Uh, hi, this is Lincoln Loud. I was wondering if I could-"

"Ah, yes, Lincoln Loud, we've actually been trying to contact you."

"You have?" Lincoln asked.

"Yes, yes, I am sure you have a lot of questions about Clyde. Doctor-Patient confidentiality is something we take very seriously, however. As such, we would like for you to come here in person to discuss him."

"Oh uh, I-"

The call then ended.

Lincoln looked at his phone in a bit of a daze, "That was...easy? Weird?"

"Ominous. Lincoln, I have a very bad feeling about this." Lucy warned him.

Lincoln shrugged, "Well, it's still the best lead I got on Clyde. We should take Grim along just in case."

Right on cue, Grim appeared right behind them, "You wanna drag me into another one of your problems, mon?" he asked.

Lincoln looked back at him, "Yeah, you remember Clyde, Grim?"

"The geeky vampire kid you're friends with?" Grim answered.

Lincoln nodded, "Then it's just us three plus that guy at the office...this case just got a lot more interesting."

...

Dr. Lopez's office was nestled in a mostly empty plaza a bit outside of town with all the storefronts around it having signs saying "Space for Lease" and "Coming Soon!" and such.

"THIS is Dr. Lopez's office?" Grim asked, "It looks a lot more dead and miserable than I expected of a family therapist."

"Huh, maybe I misjudged her." Lucy remarked.

Lincoln walked up to the office in the middle which had curtains covering the windows, blocking off any view of the inside. Above the door was a security camera, and next to the door was a doorbell which Lincoln rang.

The door to the office unlocked and opened inward.

"Do let yourself in, Lincoln Loud." said a man's voice from the doorbell speaker.

On command, Lincoln walked right inside.

"...why did he do that?" Lucy asked.

"Something is very rotten here..." Grim mused as the two went inside after Lincoln.

Inside was a well-lit waiting room and on the farthest side away from the door was a man wearing a white three-piece suit and a white trilby hat behind a desk, he looked over at the trio and beckoned them to come to the desk with a white glove and a smile, "Welcome Lincoln Loud...and you've brought your little sister Lucy...and You..."

Grim quickly got in front of Lincoln, "Hold it! Lucy, grab him!"

Lucy quickly grabbed hold of Lincoln, preventing him from walking forward more.

"Eh? What's going on?" Lincoln asked.

The man in white stood up, and beamed his smile at Grim, "Oh, soul reaver, please don't make a scene here."

"I knew something wasn't right about all this! You're a vampire, aren't you!"

"What?" Lucy asked.

The door to the office slammed shut. The vampire in white walked around the desk, put an arm across his chest and gave a little bow of respect...or perhaps mockery, to Grim, "Of course, and Our business today is with the boy."

"What, me? What?" Lincoln asked.

Grim blocked the vampire in white's path to Lincoln and pulled out his scythe, "Back off, bub! You won't lay a finger on these mortals!"

The vampire in white smiled wider, showing off his fangs, "Oh, won't I now?"

Grim swung his scythe, cutting off the vampire's head. It fell to the floor with a look of disappointment, "...what are you trying to do, soul reaver?" the body of the vampire picked his head up with one hand and held it to Grim's eye-level, "I am neither alive nor dead, remember?" the body then easily reattached the head, and his eyes glowed a crimson red, "Your powers are useless here."

In the blink of an eye, the vampire grabbed Grim. In another blink, he was closer to the door which opened enough for him to throw Grim out. The sunlight just barely touching his white gloves. The door then slammed shut and locked itself.

Lucy couldn't help but watch in awe. Lincoln was shocked as it all happened so fast and his brain was still processing it.

Then the vampire was right in front of the two, his eyes back to normal, "It's unfortunate you had to see that. Dr. Lopez will see you now."

...

Grim was currently flying through the air, wondering how it came to this. He knew vampires were powerful, but being flung through the air at ridiculously high speeds was-

CRASH!

Grim's skeleton body broke apart as he fell to the ground in pieces. He quickly pulled himself together and stood up, "This is horrible! How did I not notice those vampires before? Now those kids are doomed to who-knows-what..."

"A deal's a deal, Grim." a familiar voice whispered through the reaper's skull.

Grim shook his head, "I know, I know! I'll save the kids, but it'll be impossible on me own...I'm gonna need some serious backup, I need-"

"IT'S DEATH HIMSELF!" screamed Seymour the senior. He ran to a manhole cover, opened it, jumped down into the sewers, and shut the cover.

Grim groaned, "The only respect I'm shown is from a cowardly senior...wait." Grim realized he had been flung right to Sunset Canyon. Fittingly enough, the sun was currently entering sunset and dusk would begin soon. Time was running out.

Grim rushed into the retirement home, causing a lot of screams and angry yelling. That didn't matter right now, he nearly flew down the halls looking for the one resident he knew that could help during this crisis. And surely enough, there was Dracula resting on an armchair.

"Dracula! I need your help, mon!" Grim told him.

Dracula grinned at the skeleton, "I'll bet, skinny. Looks like you need serious help with a boney butt like that."

Grim frowned, "I'm serious! There was this vampire wearing all white and he grabbed my kids and-"

Dracula waved him off, "Yeah, yeah...wait!" Dracula's demeanor shifted from relaxed to tense, "What did you say?"

"My...er, some kids got grabbed."

Dracula shook his head, "Nuh-uh, before that."

"It was a vampire?"

Dracula slapped Grim, "His clothes, dummy! Was it a white three-piece suit with matching gloves and a trilby?"

Grim rubbed his cheekbone, "Oh, uh...yes? I believe it was?"

Dracula took a deep breath, his eyes burning with an unnatural anger, "Skeleton Man, Dracula knows exactly who that fool is and who he work for. You're gonna take Dracula to him, he's been crampin' Dracula's style WAY too long."

Grim nodded, thankful he got Dracula on board, "Good, let's go."

Dracula followed after Grim to the entrance of the retirement home when the duo heard screaming. The two turned to see Nurse Sue stomping over to them, "WAIT, YOU CAN'T LEAVE THE PREMISES! IT'S ALMOST CURFEW!"

Dracula stared into Nurse Sue's eyes, "Dracula do what he wants, woman!"

Sue stopped in her tracks, "Yes Lord Dracula, I-"

"Don't give Dracula none of that! Now give Dracula your car keys!"

Nurse Sue handed them over, Dracula threw them at Grim, "You drivin'! Dracula has no license!"

Grim didn't have one either, but he wasn't about to argue. Dracula was on a warpath now, and Grim needed that to get Lincoln and Lucy away from danger. The two exited the retirement home and got into Nurse Sue's car, Grim starting it and took off down the road.

"You said that you know who that vampire is?" Grim asked.

Dracula nodded, "Ooh, Dracula do Skeleton Man, he be a member of a group of vampires that Dracula has beef with, and they are straight up nasty! You think Dracula bad? You don't know bad."

"What group is that?"

"Dracula was gettin' to that! You know much about vampires, Skeleton Man?"

"Only that they exist, are rare, and you're the most famous one."

Dracula nodded, "Uh-huh! And there be a reason for all that, and that reason is a group of vampires that call themselves The Order!"

"...sounds a little generic."

"No duh, dummy! That's the point! The Order is this uptight group of vampires who think they can control the world. Dracula ran with them a bit sometime in the 1600's...second worst decision Dracula ever made!"

"What was the first?"

"Platform shoes. Even Dracula couldn't make them work!"

"Okay...so where did The Order come from?"

"Well, Dracula ain't too sure. Some of those fools say The Order started sometime before Humanity, but that's a lot of hoohah! It was around long before Dracula, and that's all Dracula really know. Most of the time they would just complain about humans, and go on and ON about how better they were, and sometimes you'd see 'em execute another vampire."

"Wait, what? They execute their own kind?"

"Oh yeah, the leading cause of vampire rarity is going against The Order's stupid ideas and getting executed. You ever see a vampire execution? First they get two vampires to restrain the vampire getting executed, then they cut the head off and quickly put it in a pot of boiling water. They close the lid too to make sure the head don't try to fly out. They hold it in there until the screaming stops and the body goes limp and crumbles to salt. You kill the head and the body dies, that's how it works."

...Jesus.

Grim really didn't know what to say about that, and tried to change the subject, "So...whatever could they want with the kids they took from me?"

Dracula shook his head, "Dracula don't know for sure, but whatever The Order has planned for humans can only be evil."

Grim gripped the steering wheel, "Hang on Lincoln and Lucy!"

...

Lincoln and Lucy were seated in folding chairs across from Dr. Lopez who looked down at the two children with one arm folded across her chest and the other resting her chin on a fist, her eyes in a stern steel glare behind half-moon glasses. Her attire consisting of a beige turtleneck sweater under a dark green jacket with black dress pants.

Her eyes went up to the vampire in white, "Carmine, I gave you clear instruction to bring me Lincoln Loud. His sister Lucy is not supposed to be here."

Carmine patted Lucy's head, "There has been an oversight, my lady. This one is immune to my abilities. She still remembers Clyde."

Dr. Lopez furrowed her brow, "I see, and what of the soul reaver?"

Carmine smiled, "Even if he comes back, he won't be a problem. I've summoned a pack of ghouls to protect the perimeter."

Dr. Lopez sighed, "If those things break away and attack the town, that error will be your responsibility and I won't save you from repercussions. In the meantime, prepare their removal and make the Call for our departure. I have much to discuss with my patient."

Carmine gave a bow and glided backwards out the door of Dr. Lopez office which closed.

Lincoln felt eerily calm as Dr. Lopez turned her gaze onto him, and he finally found his voice to speak, "Okay, I have so many questions now!"

Dr. Lopez nodded and opened up a notepad and took out a pencil, "We don't have a lot of time, so choose them carefully."

"Are you a vampire too?" Lucy asked.

There was a glow in Dr. Lopez's eyes as she glared at Lucy, "Be quiet, you are not supposed to be here."

Lucy gritted her teeth, "You're a bossy vampire..."

Dr. Lopez hissed, "So, my powers don't work on you either? You certainly are troublesome."

"Okay, you know what? This makes no fucking sense!" Lincoln shouted, he was trembling in his seat.

Lucy gasped. She could count the number of times Lincoln used that word on one hand, and each time it didn't end well for whoever he was directing it at.

"Where's Clyde? What did you do to him? Who the heck even are you? Are you really a doctor? AND WHY CAN'T I MOVE?" Lincoln's eyes kept looking at his body parts, only able to make them move ever so slightly.

"Take a deep breath." Dr. Lopez instructed.

Lincoln did so.

Dr. Lopez adjusted her glasses, "In reverse order: You cannot move because you are under my control."

Lucy got up out of her seat.

"Lincoln, grab her." Dr. Lopez ordered.

Lincoln grabbed Lucy, "Huh? What the?"

"Lincoln, let me go." Lucy told him.

"I...I can't!" Lincoln told her, his hands trembling yet keeping their grip, "My fingers won't budge!"

Dr. Lopez grinned sadistically at them, "Humans...never knowing their place. Sometimes they need a reminder of their position."

"Right below the vampires, right?" Lucy asked.

Dr. Lopez ignored her, "As for you questioning my profession, I am indeed a licensed therapist with a Ph.D in Psychology. Psychology happens to be one of the many, many interests I've had over the centuries. Understanding Our prey has proved...well, amusing mostly. Thousands of years with countless civilizations, culture, and discoveries...and all humans still act and think roughly the same: selfishly and irresponsible."

"Harsh...and nothing else. That's just harsh!" Lincoln told her.

"As for who I am, I happen to be a very important figure for Our Kine. Lopez is a very common name, so I took it to blend in with humans, changing the given name every couple of decades."

"I'm surprised nobody found out about you sooner." Lucy told her.

Dr. Lopez sighed, "Well, therapy and mental health in general tends to be treated like a joke by you humans. Very harmful towards the many who suffer, and frankly self-defeating for your species as a whole."

Maybe if they didn't charge over two-hundred dollars an hour and health insurance companies covered it, more people would be open to treatment.

"And finally Clyde...I've put him in a safe place. Here, with me, sleeping while we waited for you to arrive."

The biggest question finally made it out of Lincoln's mouth, "So, what do you want with me?"

Dr. Lopez gave him a stern look, "I'll get right to the point: The Order for Our Kine wishes for you, Lincoln Loud, to join it."

Lucy gasped.

Lincoln blinked a few times, "...excuse me?"

TO BE CONTINUED...

"Are you really doing this again?" Lucy asked, popping up in front of the title card, "Leaving me and the readers with a massive cliffhanger?'

It's for dramatic effect!

"Why? It's not like one of us is going to die."

Don't tempt me.

"OR the death will stick!"

Look, we passed 3000 words, the second half is still in a rough draft, and I want to at least attempt at a consistent upload schedule. Let me end the chapter, Lucy! I'll give you some chocolate!

"...make it dark chocolate and you got a deal."