Lucy rises up from the void, "It is taking everything inside of me not to scratch your eyes out." she flatly said.

The Old and the Ruthless

One very dull summer day, the Loud children - including Lori who was home visiting - and Grim gathered around the TV.

A news reporter was standing in front of a suburb of Los Angeles that was on fire, "The latest in the victims of the catastrophic infernos in California is the town of Terremoto Heights, where thousands are presumed dead or without food or water!"

Grim laughed, "Ha! I love a happy ending!"

"We now go to live footage of what appears to be thirteen Latino-"

Voices in the background, whispering to the reporter.

"What do you mean I cannot use that word? Then what should I call them?"

More whispering from off camera.

"Is that even a real word? Fine, fine I'll say it, I need this job. Ahem, 'Latinix' children trapped in a house fire! The deputy fire chief refused to save them, saying: 'If they're trapped, they got themselves into that mess'."

The TV then turned off, causing all the kids to complain.

"What's the big idea, Lincoln?" Lori asked.

Before Lincoln could respond, Rita yelled, "Lori! Do NOT blame Lincoln for everything inconvenient happening in this house! I turned it off."

All the kids and Grim looked over at Rita who held the TV remote.

Lori was taken aback, "Wow mom, I was just-"

"Blaming Lincoln again, like you always do? That's not going to fly anymore, and that goes for all of you!" Rita pointed at all the kids.

Lori looked over to Grim and whispered, "...did something happen to my mom over the past year?"

"I told her she was a terrible parent." Grim whispered back.

Rita cleared her throat, "Anyway, the weather looks like it'll be great this weekend, and I figured we could all go see Aunt Ruth at her lakehouse to visit!"

All the kids groaned their displeasure of visiting Aunt Ruth.

Rita stomped her foot, getting the attention of her children. She took a deep breath, "Look kids, I get it, Aunt Ruth isn't the most exciting person to be around."

The Loud kids all agreed, a sense of camaraderie forming.

Rita stomped her foot again, "Regardless, when I was a young girl, and Pop-Pop was too busy to watch me, Aunt Ruth stepped up to help raise me into who I am today. She sacrificed a lot for me, and without that none of you would be here, so I think we all should show her the love and appreciation she deserves by making time to visit her. Especially since...she might not have much time left herself..."

"Aren't ya bein' a bit too dramatic, mon?" Grim asked.

Rita glared at the reaper, "You tell me, Grim. Do you know how long she has?"

He nodded, "Yes, it's on me list."

"Well, can I see this list?" Rita held out her hand.

Grim put up a hand, "Wait Rita. That information is not meant for mortals to know. The far-reaching consequences can be dire and-"

"I'll clean the attic whenever you want and give you a Get-Out-of-Tea-Parties-Free card."

"You do know there's more to me than just tea parties, right?" Lola asked.

Grim snapped his fingerbones and a list appeared in his right hand and a pair of reading glasses appeared in his left, "Well let's see..." Grim put the glasses on and looked down the list, "Aunt Rusa, Aunt Rute, Aunt Rutherford, ah here we go, Aunt Ruth!"

"Ooh, is my name on your list, Grim?" Leni asked.

"It sure is!"

Rita groaned, "Grim, how long does-"

"Four years." Grim flatly said.

Rita's right eye twitched a bit, "Uh, what?"

"Your Aunt Ruth Reynolds dies within four years at the most. It could be sooner, Fate permitting. It could be tomorrow, or even today." Grim clarified.

The whole living room went dead silent.

"...did it suddenly get colder in here?" Luna asked.

The next thing everyone knew, Rita had forced her children and Grim into Vanzilla and floored it down the road.

"Mom! What's gotten into-" Lori started to ask.

"WE ARE VISITING HER TO SHOW HER WE LOVE HER BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE!" Rita yelled.

"Gosh, what about the house? Did we even lock it?" Leni asked.

"Your father or Eris will have to take care of that when either of them get back from work!"

Lucy turned to Grim, "Was that pass really worth abusing your powers to freak out our mom?"

Grim nodded, "Yes, yes it was."

"I'm just going to figure out other ways to torment you." Lola told him.

Lincoln leaned back in his seat, "Well, at least I never abuse my powers."

"What about the other day where you nearly started World War 3 over a family of squirrels?" Lana asked.

"You did WHAT?" Grim asked.

"Hey, you didn't KNOW those squirrels! Nuking them was the ONLY WAY to make sure I got rid of them!" Lincoln explained.

"...that sounds nuts! Hahahaha!" Luan laughed.

Lisa turned to Lily, "...I really must apologize that we live with a bunch of psychopaths."

Lily shrugged, "Eh."

…

Meanwhile in an exclusion area caused by a nuclear explosion, a family of mutated squirrels crawled out of an irradiated tree. They were four big, buff, anthropomorphic squirrels, one of which was wearing glasses and pulled out a wooden pipe, and lit the root that was inside, "I say, I say, that white-haired boy is gonna PAY for what he did to our home!"

The others roared in anger as they left the exclusion area and ran onto the highway.

Then they all got hit by a semi truck and were no longer a threat to anyone.

…

Soon enough, Rita, the Loud children, and Grim were at Aunt Ruth's lakehouse, "Okay everyone, put on your happy faces and be on your absolute best behavior!"

Grim smirked as he pulled out his scythe, "I really am curious how miserable this woman makes you kids."

Rita looked at Grim and his scythe, "Uh, on second thought, Grim, you can go home and stay there. Forever. And never reap Aunt Ruth."

Grim shook his skull, "No way mon, I cannot go against the natural order. Besides, seeing you squirm is more entertaining than the French Revolution!"

Rita sighed, "Lincoln, Lucy, can you please take Grim away somewhere?"

Lincoln shrugged, "I dunno mom, keeping the Reaper busy is tricky."

"Plus, I rather not get in the way of his work." Lucy added.

Rita pulled out two fifty-dollar bills, "I'll give you each fifty bucks."

Lincoln and Lucy took the money and pulled Grim away, "C'mon Grim! There's a boat rental down the lake!" Lincoln told him.

Grim glared at them, "This is absurd! You two would disrupt the natural order for fifty dollars?"

"Grim, we all know if you really had to, you would've reaped Aunt Ruth already." Lucy told him.

The three of them were followed by Lana, "Hey, can I come too? I never get to go on adventures with you guys!" She asked.

"Sure Lana, come along." Lincoln told her.

Grim sighed, "And now one of your evil sisters is joining us. Joy."

As that group of four left, Rita ushered the rest of her children to the front door of Aunt Ruth's lakehouse. Previously, she only had a timeshare, but the termite infestation caused by Lana resulted in her and the Louds having to purchase it outright. Rita rang the doorbell.

Soon enough, Aunt Ruth opened the door, accompanied by a few of her cats, "Oh! Rita! And you brought your girls! This is a surprise!"

Rita smiled unnecessarily wide, "Hello Aunt Ruth! We were all missing you so much that we decided on a whim to come and see you! Hope you don't mind!"

"Not at all, it's great to see you. It's just that…well…" Aunt Ruth seemed hesitant.

Rita quickly started examining Aunt Ruth, "What? Is something wrong? Are you hurt? Are you sick? Are you-"

Aunt Ruth shook her head, "I just wasn't expecting all of you to come, and I don't have a lot of groceries for all of you. I could break out the expired stuff again-"

"Ah! Of course!" Rita pulled out the keys and handed them to Lori, "Lori, be a dear, take the van, and go to the nearest shop to get groceries for the next week or so."

"Wait, what do you mean a week?" Lori asked.

"JUST DO IT, LORI." Rita told her.

"Uh, okay Mom!" Lori quickly headed for Vanzilla.

"Uh, I'm gonna go with her to help." Luna quickly said as she followed Lori.

"Same." Luan said as she followed too.

"Me as well, I'm the one in charge of the family budget." said Lisa as she got in Vanzilla too.

The Van started up and drove away leaving Rita, Leni, Lola, and Lily with Aunt Ruth.

"Seems like I got the short end of the stick again." Lola complained.

"What stick? I don't see any." Leni said.

Lily facepalmed.

"Okay, while they're busy doing that, how about we help spruce your lake house a bit, Aunt Ruth?" Rita suggested.

"Rita, that's awfully kind of you, but-" Aunt Ruth started.

"Well, we just want to show our love, Aunt Ruth!" Rita interrupted as she went inside.

…

On the lake, Grim, Lincoln, Lucy, and Lana sat in a boat holding fishing rods with fishing lines in the water. Lincoln took in the peaceful scenery, "Ah, this is nice. Just relaxing on the water, waiting for fish to bite…say Lana, I'm surprised you're okay with us fishing."

Lana smiled, "Why wouldn't I be? Lots of animals eat fish! Even fish eat fish! It's not like we're going to be overfishing the area, right? We're just catching and releasing!"

Grim nodded, "It do be a nice day today."

Lucy looked over, "Say Grim, couldn't you just…add to Aunt Ruth's lifespan? Just enough to calm our mom down?" She asked.

Grim shrugged, "I could, but these things are a bit tricky."

"What do you mean? You took too long to reap Scoots's boytoy and his lifespan increased by decades."

"That was an extraordinary situation, Lucy. That moron's death was meant to be a freak accident, and it was averted."

"Uh…wait, you guys saw someone nearly die?" Lana asked.

"Just ignore them, Lana." Lincoln told her.

Lucy sighed, "Sigh. So is Aunt Ruth's near demise unchangeable?"

Grim created a vortex and reached an arm in, "Let me get her hourglass…" he pulled out an hourglass with Lucy's name on it full of black sand, "Oops, this one is yours." Grim stuck it back in and pulled out a bizarrely made hourglass with Lincoln's name on it with no clear indication where it ended or where it began, it had white sand inside it. "No comment on this one." Grim stuck it back inside and pulled out one with Aunt Ruth's name on it. It looked absolutely normal aside from the bottom half being a lot more full of sand than the top half, "Ah, here we go!"

"So…can't you just add more sand?" Lucy asked.

Grim scoffed, "You make it sound so simple, mon. Now see what happens…" Grim took out some pocket sand and added it to the top half of the hourglass. This sand suddenly vanished.

"What happened?" Lucy asked.

"Reality corrects itself, Lucy. I could fill the entire top half to grant your Great Aunt Ruth one-hundred more years on this blasted realm, but that goes against the Natural Order. It would be a different story if she were in good health, but it appears she most definitely is not."

"Nah, she's kind of an unhealthy slob who eats expired foods and lives with a bunch of cats." Lincoln remarked.

"Exactly my point, heck, look, she's getting less sand by the second."

Lucy looked at the hourglass and noticed that some of the sand already in the hourglass was inexplicably vanishing. "That's ominous."

"This is what happens when you live a very unhealthy life, like your evil sister there." Grim pointed at Lana.

Lana was eating the worm bait out of the can, "What? I missed lunch!"

Lincoln then got a bite on his line, "Hey! I got something!" he attempted to reel it in, but the line pulled, and he nearly went overboard, "Woah!"

Lana, Lucy, and Grim grabbed hold of Lincoln and helped him fish out his catch, Lana grabbing the fish bat and preparing to strike it.

Up from the water came a large, black, disgusting creature which looked like a mix between an alligator and an octopus.

It glared at me, "Oh please, must you insult me so?"

No wait, that's just Nergal.

Lincoln pulled him into the rented boat and Lana hit him with the fish bat.

"OW!" Nergal yelled.

Lincoln pointed at him, "NERGAL! Are you coming after us for another beating?"

Nergal rubbed his head, "What? No! I didn't know you'd be here!"

"Hit him again, Lana!" Lincoln encouraged.

"Oh yeah!" Lana cheered as she hit Nergal again.

"OW! Seriously! I didn't know!" Nergal cried out.

"Yeah, you just happened to be at the lake we're at out of sheer coincidence." Lucy deadpanned.

Nergal folded his arms, "If you must know, I was on a hot date."

Lincoln scoffed, "In a lake?"

"With a freshwater siren!"

Grim shook his head, "No such thing, mon. Sirens can only survive in saltwater. Though there are some that habitat in brackish."

Nergal groaned, "Yes, well, I literally live under a bunch of rocks. The siren turned out to be a catfish."

Lincoln tsked a few times, "Dang, so what kind of supernatural creature was it?"

"Uh, it was a literal catfish. Now, I'm a gentleman and a desperate one at that, so I was willing to overlook the deception."

"Catfish tend to be underhanded like that." Lana noted.

Lucy nodded, "Right. So, where's your catfish?"

Nergal looked down solemnly and shed a single tear, "She got eaten by a bigger fish as we swam upstream together."

Grim shook his skull, "That's rough, buddy."

Lucy sighed, "Poor Nergal."

Lincoln rolled his eyes, "Poor Nergal? Did you two forget this is the fiend who tried to take my soul and nearly turned our family into his mindless slaves?"

"Is THAT who this guy is?" Lana asked before hitting him again.

"OW!" Nergal cried out.

Grim shrugged, "Yeah, but c'mon, that happened well over ten chapters ago. It may as well be ancient history."

"Plus, we beat and tortured him once before. We could do it again." Lucy pointed out.

Lincoln took a deep breath, "Well...I guess he's not trying anything against us now but I'm finding it hard to forgive or forget the things he's done to me and my family."

Nergal held his hands up, "I completely understand, Lincoln Loud. Believe me, I am not seeking your forgiveness, nor sympathy. I am just…trying to figure out what I want to do with my existence, and I figured I'd start by just putting myself out there."

"Since when do obscure gods have existential crises?" Lucy asked.

"After being beaten and tortured by literal children." Nergal answered.

"I know that feel, mon." Grim told him.

Nergal took a deep breath, "The day after, I looked in the mirror and didn't like what I saw. Shape-shifting into different forms didn't change that either. I ended up booking an Underworld psychologist for a few weeks, and I realized that Lincoln was completely right. My loneliness was absolutely all my fault."

"How much did you spend on that? Because I told you so for free." Lincoln scoffed.

"Nothing. Unlike the mortal world, the Underworld takes mental health very seriously and doesn't use it as another capitalist venture or political talking point. But that's besides the real issue, I was in denial and my defeat at your hands broke me out of it."

Lana blinked a few times, "Wait, hold on, are you thanking us or mad at us? Should I hit you again?"

Nergal shrugged, "I mean, you can if you want. I barely feel any pain. I just play it up for comedic effect."

Lana shrugged, "That's more Lola's thing, but okay!" she hit him with the fish bat again.

"OW! Okay, I think I've overstayed my welcome."

"Are you going back to the Center of the Earth?" Lucy asked.

Nergal shook his head, "Nah, I think I'm just going to throw myself into this lake and see where the water takes me."

Grim waved, "Alright mon, see ya later."

Lincoln waved, "I hope we never see you again."

"Four!" Lana smacked Nergal into the water with the bat, and he floated downstream towards a river.

"I wonder where the water will take him next?" asked Lucy.

"Only the Fates know." Grim told her.

Lincoln took out a pair of binoculars, "Uh oh, it looks like he's heading for some river otters."

"What's wrong with that?" Lucy asked.

"River otters are highly territorial, especially around mating season." Lana informed her.

All four of them could hear Nergal screaming.

"Oooh, that looks painful." Lincoln remarked.

"A pack of otters can drown a full-grown alligator." Lana added.

"Ah, isn't nature wonderful?" Grim asked.

…

Outside of the nearby Family Dollar General Tree, Luan was on her phone, "Look, I just need an immediate evac from Lake Huggins. Yeah. Big emergency. Okay, love you too Benny."

"What was that about?" Luna asked.

Luan put away her phone, "I called Benny to pick me up. I'm getting out of here while I still can."

Luna frowned at her, "…dude, are you ice cold? You're really gonna ditch us?"

Luan nodded, "Yes, yes I am! Mom has gone completely off her rocker! It's not that I hate Aunt Ruth or anything, I just rather not be around her, even if she's going to croak soon."

Luna threw her arms up, "How can you say that? We are family!"

Luan shook her head, "So what? Why does that suddenly make it okay for mom to drag us into her soap opera? I turned sixteen this year! Sixteen! That's practically an adult! And mom wants me to sacrifice my life for someone we all barely KNOW, let alone like? Aunt Ruth has NEVER laughed at ANY of my jokes, and believe me, I've tried! NOTHING MAKES HER CRACK A SMILE!"

Luna sighed, "Look, I get it, sis. None of us really like Aunt Ruth much, if at all. She doesn't like any of my music, and the only thing she plays is easy listening torture! But that doesn't make it okay for you to be selfish! Mom is going through something, and we need to be there for her!"

Luan folded her arms, "Well Luna, who the hell are you to judge me on being selfish? You almost left the family TWICE to start a career as a pop star or a rock musician! Why was it okay for you to make impulsive, selfish decisions to leave the family on a whim but when I decide I don't want to be part of the drama, it's wrong?"

Luna gritted her teeth, "…Luan, those times were different!"

Luan pointed at her, "Yeah, because it was you. You just have to be the center of attention and drown everyone else out with your loud music. I want to be the center of attention too, but at least I'm honest about it! I don't act like I'm a victim that nobody understands!"

Luna got up in Luan's face, "Well at least I'm not a deranged psychopath who torments her family with sick, cruel jokes!"

Luan butted her head with Luna's, "At least I'm not an abusive PUNK who punches, throws instruments, and breaks the sound barrier EVERY TIME I DON'T GET MY WAY!"

Before the two could come to blows, a loud crash drew their attention. The two looked towards the sound to see a humongous light blue mecha had landed in the mostly empty parking lot, with the words "STEEL GOLEM" painted across its chest.

"Hells bells! What is that?" Luna asked.

Luan smiled, "My ride!"

The mouth of the Steel Golem opened up to show Benny in the cockpit wearing a pair of blue triangle sunglasses, he had the Steel Golem reach down with one hand and Luan got onto it. The hand lifted slowly up to the cockpit and Luan hopped in, taking a seat on Benny's lap. The Steel Golem's mouth closed, and at that point, Lori and Lisa finally exited the store to see the mecha take off.

"What in the world was that robot?" Lisa asked.

Luna sighed, "No idea, dude. But Luan just abandoned us with it."

Lori blinked a few times, "You know, our lives used to be normal. At least they were back in Season One."

…

Back at the lakehouse, Leni was using a pressure washer to spray the lakehouse's deck, the lakehouse's walls, the lakehouse's roof, and the lake connected to the lakehouse itself. Doing so somehow cleaned the entire lake, making it picturesque and pristine.

Can't have a dirty lake.

Meanwhile, Lola and Lily were hiding in a closet, calling their father on video call, "Daddy! You gotta come save us!" Lola begged.

Lily nodded with pleading eyes.

"Look girls, just do what your mother tells you to and your surprise visit to Aunt Ruth would go by fast!" Lynn told them.

Lola narrowed her eyes, "You're just saying that because you don't have to be here!" she accused.

Lily's eyes narrowed too, "Yeah!"

Lynn then tried shaking his phone and making noises indicating a bad reception, "What's that? Psshht! I can't hear you! I think your cell reception is dropping!"

"This call is on the Wi-Fi!" Lily told him.

"Can't hear you, Lily! I think your Wi-Fi connection is dropping! You'll have to try another time! Bye! Love you!" and with that Lynn ended the call.

Lola shook as she gripped her smartphone, cracking the screen a bit, "When we get home, I am SO GONNA MAKE HIM PAY!" she cried out.

Just then Rita opened the closet door, "So there you two are! C'mon now, we have no time to be playing hide and seek."

Lola changed gears and shed crocodile tears as she grabbed onto Rita's legs, "Mommy, please! I had plans for this week with Cricket, Meli, and even Winston! You really should have taken that into consideration!"

Rita picked Lola and Lily up, "Lola, if you really did have any plans, you should call your friends and tell them you need to reschedule. One week out of your twelve-week vacation isn't going to hurt your entire summer!"

"Reschedule? But mommy-"

"Girls, I know this is inconvenient for all of you, but in four years we will never get another chance to visit Aunt Ruth!"

"Why? What's happening in four years?" Aunt Ruth asked, suddenly behind Rita.

Rita turned around and laughed nervously, "AH! HA! NOTHING! NOTHING IS HAPPENING IN FOUR YEARS!" She then quickly left the room.

Aunt Ruth rubbed her chin, "...hm, I could be overthinking this, but I get the idea that Rita isn't telling me something…"

…

After escaping the otter attack, Nergal found himself rushing down the river and crashed into a beaver dam. He found himself in an oddly cozy living room with two weasel-looking beavers staring down at him on a couch. One with brown fur and the other with blonde fur.

The brown furred beaver pointed at Nergal, "Hey Norb, some weird squid guy just broke into our dam!"

The blonde furred beaver shook his head, "That's not just any squid guy Dagget, that's Nergal! An evil Mess-ah-pot-ah-mian god!"

Dagget was intrigued and pulled out a wooden mallet, "Oooh. Does that make it okay to BEAT THE CRAP OUT OF HIM?"

Norb nodded, and pulled out a pipe wrench, "It sure does!"

After some cartoon violence with the angry beavers, Nergal was launched out of the beaver dam's front door. He was sent flying across the forest until he landed at the feet of a pink bipedal hippo.

Nergal turned towards me with a glare, "Hold on! What's a hippopotamus doing in MICHIGAN?"

The pink hippo grabbed Nergal by the collar, and lifted him up with one hand, "I recently escaped from a maximum-security zoo with my raccoon and turtle friends."

Nergal blinked a few times, "Oh. Yeah, that makes sense."

The pink hippo pulled his free arm back and delivered a haymaker to Nergal's face. The force of which sent the eldritch horror flying into the sky in the direction of Aunt Ruth's lakehouse.

…

Rita meanwhile was in the kitchen of the lakehouse washing every plate, bowl, and silverware she could find by hand and scrubbing the floor so much you could literally eat off of it.

Just then, Nergal crashed through the roof, with his upper half sticking through the ceiling. "Well now, today certainly hasn't been a good day for me…" Nergal complained.

Rita, of course, freaked out. She started yelling and throwing plates at Nergal, "AH! NO! Not YOU! Get out of here! You're going to ruin everything!"

Nergal in turn got hit with plates which shattered on impact, "AH! Stop! Cease! I didn't mean to come here! It just happened!"

Aunt Ruth then walked into the kitchen to see the commotion, "What in the- what is that thing?"

Rita stopped throwing things and went over to try to usher Aunt Ruth out of the kitchen, "Some sort of evil creature that attacked our family before! I won't let it get to you!"

"I see where Lincoln gets his aggressiveness from." Nergal remarked.

"Rita sweetie, I think we need to have a talk." Aunt Ruth told her.

"No, we need to get that thing out of here before it hurts us!" Rita pointed at Nergal.

Nergal groaned, "I assure you, I am not going to hurt anyone. I am just…uh…well currently I seem to have harmed this building…I'll fix that for you as soon as the ringing in my head stops."

Aunt Ruth put her hands on Rita's, "Rita, I've known you your whole life, I know when there's something wrong with you."

Rita shook her head, "There's nothing wrong with me! Really! Aside from a certain SOMETHING that happens to be intruding in my life once again!"

"Oh, just pretend I'm not here." Nergal told her.

Aunt Ruth sighed, "Rita, I love that you're being so affectionate, but this feels excessive. Is something wrong? Any problems with that husband of yours? I knew he was too childish and selfish for-"

Rita put on her biggest fake smile, "NOTHING'S WRONG! I just really wanted to show how much I love you Aunt Ruth! And the kids wanted to see you because we might be too busy to see you in the future, and-"

"Did your dad tell you? That I'm dying?"

Rita's fake smile broke, "I uh…you uh…you know?"

Aunt Ruth nodded, "About six years back, I had a bunch of terrible headaches and had to get an MRI scan. They discovered…something…in my head. They called it 'Terminal Seben', they aren't even fully sure what it is aside from it being bad."

"Oh my God…"

Aunt Ruth nodded, "I'm fighting it, but I was told that it's likely I'll be dead within the decade. The treatment made me weak, and bloated, and a lot of other issues…" to emphasize this, Aunt Ruth grabbed her hair and lifted it up, revealing it to be a wig. She put it back on, "...but it gave me a few years to go through my bucket list and watch your children grow up."

Rita started to shake a bit, "Why…why didn't you tell me? I could've helped you!"

Aunt Ruth shrugged, "I wasn't sure how to tell you. I didn't want you to be upset so I had Albert promise me not to say anything to you. You have your own life, Rita. You have ten kids and that husband of yours to take care of, and I don't want you putting it away just for me."

From the ceiling, Nergal started sobbing, "Oh alas and alack!"

Rita glared at him, "ARE YOU STILL HERE?"

Nergal sniffed, "Apologies. It could just be all the ichor going to my head and all the injuries I got today, but I am just so...TOUCHED right now!"

"I'm going to get a ladder and a stick so I can get you down from there." Rita remarked.

"No need, give me a moment." Nergal changed his form into a small cat and fell through the hole, turning upright in the air and landed on the kitchen floor, he then changed back into his Nergal form and cleared his throat, "Ahem, allow me to introduce myself: I am Nergal the-"

"The Mesopotamian god of war, disease, and death?" Aunt Ruth asked.

Nergal blinked a few times and smiled, "Why, yes! Have you heard of me?"

Aunt Ruth shrugged, "I traveled the world, learned a lot about ancient civilizations. Did you trouble my sweet niece and her kids?"

Nergal lowered his head, "I will not lie, I have. I've been meaning to make amends by keeping my distance and minding my own business, but it seems Fate has other plans involving cartoony shenanigans created by a cruel cosmic being which controls the narrative."

Yeah, that was all me.

Aunt Ruth nodded, "Yeah, we've all been there. I think it might be for the best that you'd leave now, though."

Nergal nodded, "Right, and I shall, but before I go…" Nergal created some tentacle limbs to fix up the hole in the ceiling he created, then he reached into his suit and pulled out a pamphlet, "Oh, and this is for you." He handed it to Aunt Ruth.

Aunt Ruth took it, "What's this?" she eyed the front which said "Demonkin Transmutation Information"

"It's just something gods like myself offer to humans that impress them in one way or another." Nergal explained.

Aunt Ruth skimmed through the pamphlet, "Reject your humanity today…selling your soul not required…a body immune to disease, and eternal life?"

"Aunt Ruth, you really can't be considering…whatever this is!" Rita voiced her concern.

"Well, as nice as living forever and not only seeing your children and your possible grandchildren grow up, I don't think- wait…" Aunt Ruth looked at one of the services offered, "...you got twenty-four-hour free premium pet care?"

Nergal nodded, "We sure do. Hades loves his dog a lot and figures everyone in the Underworld should have their pets pampered."

"Say no more, I'm in." Aunt Ruth decided.

"WHAT?" Rita asked.

Aunt Ruth gave her niece a hug, "Rita, I'll be honest again, even with my medication I could pass away tomorrow or even today. I know all of you would take good care of my fifteen cats, but a chance they could all live in luxury is one I cannot pass up. You understand, right?"

"Uh…" Rita most certainly did not.

Nergal opened up a portal to the Underworld, "Well, there's no time like the present then! Are all your cats here?"

Aunt Ruth whistled and all fifteen cats gathered around her, "We're ready."

A few moments later, Nergal, Aunt Ruth, and the fifteen cats walked through the portal.

Rita was frozen stiff from the sudden insanity.

Leni then walked in, "The bathroom is all clean! Where's Aunt Ruth?"

"She has been taken to the Underworld by some ancient god to be granted eternal life in return for transforming into a demon." Rita flatly explained.

"Huh. Well, that was a bit rude of her to leave without saying goodbye."

…

A few days later back at the Loud House, the Loud children - excluding Luan who was currently missing in action - and Grim gathered around the TV. On the screen, a giant robot was fighting a giant bee monster while the spandex-wearing crew of the robot were complaining about their personal relationships.

"Look, all I'm trying to say is that more soap operas need giant robots. Sentai Rangers cannot have a monopoly on that." Lincoln commented.

Lori shrugged, "I guess the action makes the usual clichés go by faster."

"I'd still prefer a soap opera with vampires or werewolves." said Lucy.

"What about one with zombies?" Lana asked.

"That has been done to death…HA! Get it?" Grim joked.

"I expect a bad joke like that from Luan." Luna told him.

Grim scoffed, "Eh, I know I'm funny."

Suddenly, a supernatural vortex opened in front of the TV and fifteen anthropomorphic cats carrying spears marched out of it.

"Uh, what's happening?" Lola asked.

"We're being invaded by an army of advanced bipedal felidae!" Lisa cried out.

One of the cats, a ginger one, walked into the kitchen where Lynn was.

"Oh hey! A cat! Wait, why does it have a spear? OW! OW!" The Loud's patriarch was forced out into the living room, "WHAT'S GOING ON?"

Just then, a tall demon woman with long brown hair, horns, a tail, and gargoyle-like wings wearing a sleeveless black and green dress walked through the vortex. She waved at the kids, "Hello, kids!" she greeted.

Only Leni waved back, "Hi, Aunt Ruth!"

"Aunt Ruth?" Lynn asked, eyeing her in dismay and disbelief.

"You won't be able to weasel your way out of seeing me now, Lynn!" Aunt Ruth told him.

Rita then walked in, being led by a black and white cat, "What in the world is-"

Rita and Aunt Ruth saw each other and quickly hugged one another, they went on to babble incoherently.

Lincoln looked over to Grim, "Is this really happening?"

Grim shrugged, "Your great aunt becoming an immortal demon? I didn't see that coming either."

Lucy smiled wide, "This is amazing."

Lily let out a sigh, "This family gets weirder every day."