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Moon on the Snow

5: Shadow and Light

"What's the matter with you two?" Heiji asked the following morning when Kaito and Shinichi joined him and the others at the breakfast table, both with frowns on their faces. "Did ya have a fight or something?"

"What? No, of course not," Shinichi snapped then sighed and pinched his nose. "Sorry. I just…had some really strange dreams."

It wasn't a lie in the literal sense, but he felt slightly guilty anyway because he knew it was just an excuse. The truth was that, after getting up way too early and having that strange, strange discussion, he hadn't gotten a wink of rest even after lying down again with Kaito's promise of a spell to ward off any dreams. He just couldn't decide how he should be feeling.

Part of him was still having difficulty grasping the idea that he might be turning into something that was not entirely human. After all, he didn't feel any different, and, other than the odd dreams, he hadn't done anything unusual either. All in all, he simply felt like himself.

Another part of him, however, was terrified. He had seen the doves and how much their contact with magic had changed them. But, more than that, he had seen numerous peoples from Kaito's world and thus knew firsthand that magic could change what had been human in crazy and unpredictable ways. Developing the ability to dream walk was one thing, but what if he started sprouting wings or a tail? What if his skin turned blue or he suddenly developed hooves or claws or fur in strange places? Would he turn into some kind of, for lack of a better word, monster that could no longer live normally among human beings?

The thought of it terrified him even though he told himself it shouldn't. After all, Kaito's people all seemed able to revert to a human or mostly human appearance at will.

But the doves couldn't return to their old forms—or at least he didn't think they could. Perhaps things were different for organisms that hadn't begun life with magic of their own. It would make sense since Kaito's people had descended from humans. They'd never been human themselves. Really, he was in completely unknown territory here.

He wished he knew more or that there was some way for him to research the issue, but he wouldn't even know where to start. According to Kaito, actual records from the time when humans had first started developing magic were basically nonexistent. The closest would probably be the murals that Kaito and he himself had found during their last visit to the Makai, but those hadn't been big on details.

On the other hand, they hadn't spent all that much time exploring those ruins. Would they find more information if they went back? Even if they did go and even if they found something, would it be relevant to his situation? All considered, his situation was unique in two ways. The first was that he had fallen right into the heart of the Source. The second was that he was apparently magically connected to an already extremely powerful demon—something no human from the ancient days would have been as such magic and demons had yet to develop back then.

So where did that leave him? Was there anyone else he could ask about all this who might actually have a chance of having answers when even Kaito couldn't come up with anything?

As Shinichi's thoughts ran in circles, Kaito sat locked in a fearsome struggle with himself.

His initial reaction to discovering Shinichi's new talent had been fear for his detective's safety. As he'd made very clear (he hoped) to Shinichi, dream walking was not to be taken lightly (even if it was a talent coveted by those interested in prying into others' secrets. A stealthy soul could slip in and out of another's dreams without alerting the dreamer, and it was incredibly difficult to control all of your own thoughts inside your own head, especially in a dream. Dream walkers might not be able to manipulate someone's dreamscape the way dream shapers could, but they could still interact with the dream world when they so chose, and actions taken in a dream inevitably led to reactions from the dreamer, mostly involuntarily, and thus dreamers ended up revealing things about the inner workings of their minds without meaning to. Granted, that knife cut both ways. But it wasn't just the dream walking. It was the realization that Shinichi might not have come through his encounter with the Source as okay as they had thought. He could be having some sort of delayed reaction to the whole traumatic experience.

On the other hand, said experience had concluded several weeks ago. So chances were good that, at least in terms of Shinichi's health, there was nothing to be worried about.

As for developing some magic of his own… If Kaito was being perfectly honest with himself, some part of him had been, maybe, just a little, sort of hoping for… Well, not for Shinichi to develop magical talents so much as that he and Shinichi might be able to share through their bond a little of what his people typically would through such a connection.

It was all about time.

He didn't care that Shinichi was human. Indeed, it was perhaps precisely because Shinichi was human that he had been able to teach Kaito some of the things that he had. Kaito wouldn't change anything about their history or prior circumstances even if he could because every piece of it had had to come together just so to bring them to where they were today.

But the fact of the matter was that human life spans simply weren't very long. There. He'd admitted it. He'd always known it, but he'd told himself it was a concern they wouldn't have to face for decades yet to come.

That didn't mean it didn't haunt him sometimes when he lay awake in their dorm, watching Shinichi sleep on the bed opposite, face still and tranquil.

He loved Shinichi. HE was certain of that. And if a century was all they could have then he had told himself 'so be it'. He would cherish every moment that the heavens gave them because he refused to let either of them regret all that they would lose otherwise.

Demon life spans varied a great deal as well. Some lived for thousands of years—others for mere centuries. True, all lived longer than the average human unless they got into a fight they couldn't win or offended a more powerful demon who wasn't big on forgiveness. But to put the matter simply, even among demonkind, the disparity between life spans was a common problem everyone faced when making friends, finding lovers, or even applying for certain positions. When you worked with another, you always needed to be prepared that they might leave you far earlier than you wanted or vice versa. Such was the way the world worked.

Demons learned to live their lives in stages—like the chapters of a book. They enjoyed and loved every chapter as best they could, but when one chapter closed, they had to move on to the next. It was the way the oldest of them all had taught the rest to live and to maintain their sanity because how else could any mortal being withstand the wear and tear of eons?

Understanding the theory, however, didn't make the practice any easier, especially when it came to saying goodbye.

Did such things get easier with time? Kaito didn't know. Indeed, he had little experience with partings yet himself, having not yet even reached his first century. He had not yet had to say goodbye to anyone he was truly close to.

He didn't want the first of those people to be Shinichi, but he had accepted the possibility because there was really no other choice.

It was, however, common knowledge that magical power factored strongly into the prolonged life spans of all the living entities in his world. It was well-established fact that magic was the driving force behind the evolution of all life in the Makai. Some even believed that it was the energy of life itself for its mere presence had a tendency to both preserve and engender vitality. After all, what else could explain the sheer array of life forms that existed in their world? Not all of it had evolved from what would typically be considered plants and animals. In the Makai, even objects could gain a little sentience under the right conditions.

And so with the worry had come a fierce and terrible spark of hope.

Shinichi was still human just as the doves were still doves, but, if he was compatible with its energies, perhaps magic could do for him what it had done for them and give him the chance to become something more.

It was, Kaito was forced to admit, perhaps something he had, deep down, been hoping for when he had used his magic to link Shinichi to him. That spell had, after all, been expressly developed to enable a high level demon to safely share some of his or her magic with one of lesser power. There were many dimensions to and a whole lot of history behind the spell, but the long and short of it was that it had been created by souls who'd shared his very same predicament—his very same wish.

But he hadn't asked Shinichi. It hadn't really been Kaito's choice to make. He reasoned that his initial thoughts had simply been that he could use some of his magic to help keep Shinichi safe and healthy (which was certainly necessary considering his detective's penchant for running head first into trouble and forgetting to look after himself), but still… The moment it became clear that the spell might do more, he should have sat Shinichi down and talked about it. Asked him if it was something he wanted…

They would still have to have that conversation, he knew, and probably sooner rather than later. If his parents were here, he suspected that they would tell him that there should be no delay. He should take Shinichi aside after breakfast and go over it all right away, but something in Kaito balked because he wasn't sure what he would do if Shinichi said that he didn't want this after all.

If he said he wanted the spell undone then Kaito would have to undo it because he loved Shinichi too much to force him to take this risk if he didn't want to. It wouldn't be fair to Shinichi, and it wouldn't be fair to their future because true, lasting relationships had to be built on bonds stronger than magic. Kaito would break the spell if that was what Shinichi asked of him, but it would pain him for the scar he was afraid it might leave between them.

Was Shinichi mad at him? The detective hadn't seemed angry after their brief talk that morning, but Shinichi probably had too much to digest to decide yet whether or not he was angry.

And Kaito was more than happy to let him finish digesting and organizing his thoughts before they had what he suspected would be the toughest discussion of their still developing relationship.

Oblivious to the two's inner turmoil, however, their friends chattered blissfully on.

"I had a pretty weird dream too," Heiji was saying. "But I still slept well."

"I slept like a baby," Kazuha put in. "I think it's the lack of noise. It's never this quiet back home with all the traffic and machinery and all that. It's nice."

"It has its merits," Hakuba conceded, frowning. "Though I personally find it a little unsettling. It's…eerie."

Heiji gave his friend a funny look. "Eerie, huh? You feeling all right? It's not like you to say things like that."

The blond looked as though he couldn't decide whether to be affronted. In the end, he simply shook his head. "Sorry. I fear I did not sleep well either."

Nonplussed, Heiji cleaned the rest of the pancakes off his plate as he wondered why the atmosphere this morning was so bizarre. They were on vacation after all. Everyone should just be happy. So why did it feel like he and Kazuha were the only ones behaving correctly?

"So are we still going skiing?" he asked the table at large once he'd finished.

"Sounds good to me," Kazuha said, hopping out of her chair and stretching. "I'll go bring our equipment down. You guys just take your time. Heiji, could you help me?"

"Right." The Osakan detective rose to follow his girlfriend, but he paused before he left to cast an eye over the table. He noted with growing concern that, as per his earlier observations, he and Kazuha were the only ones who had finished their breakfasts. The other three had barely touched their food. For Shinichi, that wasn't surprising. He was the sort of person who thought coffee qualified as breakfast, but prim and proper Hakuba had always been one of those 'everyone should eat three square meals a day' sorts. And in the short time he had known Kuroba, the magician had proven to be a big eater with a major sweet tooth. So the fact that he'd only eaten one pancake and hadn't touched the syrup at all was just weird.

Were they all sick or something?

"Ya know," he said to the three poking at their plates. "If you guys need more rest, we could always save the skiing for tomorrow and just do some indoors stuff today. Play some board games, maybe watch a movie? How about it?"

Now, finally, Kaito looked up, indigo eyes clear and sharp. "No," he said. "We'll ski. Everything's already set up, and Aoko's looking forward to trying it. She's never been skiing before."

Declaration made, he devoured his remaining pancakes in a few quick bites, washed it down with a glass of orange juice, and rose from the table. "I'll go get Shinichi's and my coats. Meet out on the patio in ten minutes."

That said, he was gone, leaving Shinichi alone with Hakuba in the dining room.

"Shinichi?"

Still lost in his own worries, it took several seconds for Shinichi to realize that Hakuba was calling his name. When he did realize, he blushed and turned to face the British detective.

"What is it?" he asked. "Are you not feeling well?"

Hakuba frowned. "I was about to ask the same of you. You have been awfully quiet all morning, and you've been avoiding looking at Kuroba. Did something happen?"

Shinichi opened his mouth to respond then hesitated because he had no idea what to say. There was the whole thing with the magic, there was his involuntary intrusion into his friends' dreams last night, there was the fear of what might be happening to his body, and so much more he had yet to put into words—and none of it would make any sense to Hakuba because he didn't believe magic was real, and still thought Kaito was just a human magician.

This secrecy thing could be a real drag, Shinichi thought. Although it was also kind of a relief that he had a legitimate reason to not talk about any of it right now.

Sighing, he forked up another wedge of pancake (because he knew that Kaito would be annoyed if he didn't at least make an effort to eat a real breakfast) and chewed it slowly. When Hakuba was still watching him when he swallowed, he relented. "Kaito and I just…realized some things… About our relationship, I mean…"

"Ah." And now Hakuba looked uncomfortable. But being the responsible friend he was, he soldiered on. "If you would like someone to talk to, I cannot guarantee that I can provide any useful advice, but another perspective could be of service."

That was just like him, Shinichi thought, and he had to smile. "Thanks. I'll keep that in mind. But what about you? Was there something you wanted to talk about?"

Hakuba hesitated for a long moment then shook his head. "I…think perhaps I have been overworking. Tired minds play tricks. You should remember that as well."

Shinichi blinked, taken aback. "Um, okay… I'll do that."

Heiji chose that moment to pop his head back into the dining room. "Oi, you two coming or what?"

TBC