Chapter Thirty Eight: Ache

Secret Report: Zexion V

Vexen and Lexeaus…

They're gone.

It hurts.

Why does it hurt?

I…

I have to focus.

I can't lose anyone else.

After the turbulent week, Axel welcomed the chance to set things straight. A chance to walk away from Castle Oblivion with everyone in the Organization satisfied.

Well, everyone who was still alive or wasn't a traitor, at least.

Just kill Sora, and Roxas would get his power. Axel could get Roxas to take out Marluxia and Larxene to save Naminé. Then they'd all RTC for some well deserved rest and relaxation.

Yet Roxas was looking between Zexion and Axel with wide eyes, slowly shaking his head. Why? He was strong enough to take Sora in a fight. Zexion got up from his seat and asked, "Roxas, what's wrong?"

That's when it hit Axel.

"Oh, that's right. It's your first time killing someone." After everything they'd been through in Castle Oblivion, it was hard to believe Roxas was only an Organization member for a few weeks. Fortunately, Axel could give him a few pointers in the art of assassination. "Well it's been a while but what got me through my first kill was—"

"I don't want to kill anyone!"

His scream cut through the room. It was the loudest Axel had ever heard Roxas outside of a fight. Hands clenched at this side, Roxas continued to rant, "Just because they're in the way, doesn't mean we have the right to—!"

"Roxas, listen to me." Zexion interrupted as he approached. Roxas grit his teeth, but his breathing began to slow as he focused on Zexion. He put his hands on Roxas' shoulders, as he explained, "The Organization does what it has to in order to reclaim our hearts. Even if it involves taking the hearts or lives of others. If you want to survive—"

"It shouldn't be how we survive!" Roxas shouted as he shoved Zexion's hands away.

Axel could hardly believe Roxas was getting worked up about this. After all, there was one concrete fact that belied their entire existence. One that Axel had to remind Roxas of. "Roxas, we're Nobodies. We don't have hearts to care about anything. You just aren't thinking clearly because of all the pressure."

It was logical reasoning. Reasoning that helped Axel do his job for the past ten years.

Reasoning that left Roxas silent and trembling. Hands balled into fists as he looked aside before muttering, "You say we're fighting for our hearts, but doing this is like we're throwing our hearts away if it's too much trouble."

Trouble?! The way Roxas was thinking was trouble. It made a part of Axel's mind itch, and something inside him churn. He wanted it to stop. He just wanted things to be simple! "It's just the way things are. It's how they've been for the last ten years!"

Axel's frustration had worked him into a shout that made Roxas flinch. He looked to Axel with unsteady eyes before asking, "You've both been killing to get a heart for ten years?"

Trying to regain his composure, Axel scratched the back of his head as he tried to explain, "Not for the entirety of that time, but…"

Axel could only trail off as it all sunk in.

Ten years.

Ten years he'd been with the Organization.

Scheming. Making heartless. Killing.

And for what?

Roxas' words echoed in his head. If he got his heart back, would he throw it away because it was inconvenient?

Roxas shook his head and turned to leave. "All I know is that whatever heart or power I'd get out of killing would be worthless."

"It'd let you win!" Zexion stepped forward again, reaching out to Roxas as he pleaded, "With Sora's power, you'd be near the top of the Organization! You could protect Naminé for sure!"

That got Roxas to stop, and got Axel to think. This was Marluxia and Larxene's game plan. And if they made this proposition to Roxas, they'd definitely make it to Naminé too. Kill off the other halves of themselves, let them absorb the power and use that to topple the organization leadership. All while keeping them separated so they had some kind of leverage.

Part of Axel admired how efficient the plan was.

A different part of Axel was realizing how much trouble that first part had led him into.

Even though Roxas didn't turn back, his answer was clear enough. "Naminé wouldn't want to live if it meant someone else had to die."

As Roxas shut the door behind him, Axel couldn't find an answer. The idea of something mattering more than himself, that there were things more important than his own comfort and even his life. Axel couldn't even begin to imagine it, or remember it.

Had ever he known it after he became a Nobody?

The idea that he once did and had tossed it aside…

"In absence, value understood."

Zexion's murmur interrupted Axel's contemplation, and got him to turn to the scientist with crossed arms. "You have something to say?"

Zexion couldn't even meet his eyes, his hands gripping the table in the center as he asked, "Have you ever counted, Axel?"

Axel scratched the back of his head with a grimace. The question was ambiguous, yet it struck a painful chord. "Counted what? Missions? Kills? It's been ten years, so it's at least in the four digit range." Axel was sure that he could get the exact number with a calculator.

But the number was unimportant to Zexion as he screwed his eyes shut. "I doubt I'm better with the test subjects we gathered over the decade."

Axel began to shrug with a weak smile. "But at least we got good at it, right? Sure, he might be complaining right now, but if we can get through to him, Roxas'll be just as good as us! Better even!"

Zexion let go of the table, hands limp at his side as he looked over to Axel. "A better killer?"

Zexion's tired eyes made the answer clear.

The real answer.

It didn't matter if Roxas and Naminé won. If they went on to become model members of the Organization who could clear any mission with ease.

An important part of their friends would be lost forever. One that Zexion couldn't bear to see go.

Axel had to admit, it would kill him inside to see the two of them grow used to this kind of work.

But maybe they didn't have to.

As Zexion started to walk back to the computer, Axel caught him by the shoulder. "Would killing Sora and Kairi ourselves work? They wouldn't have to know."

Zexion looked to Axel with tired eyes and gently pushed Axel's hand away. "I'm not answering that question."

Axel sighed, as it was probably a good idea. For the first time in a long time, he felt a twinge of shame at his title of assassin.

When he closed the door to Zexion's lab, Roxas had no appetite. All he wanted was to go back to his room.

When he closed the door, the only thought in his mind was to leave.

But where could he go?

Axel and Zexion didn't care.

He didn't want to talk to Marluxia and Larxene.

Naminé?

Letting himself lean back against the door, Roxas reached for the charm in his pocket and pulled it out. Just how it was, back on that day he made his promise to her. A bright and shining star to guide the lost home.

Roxas didn't know where home was. Looking back, Roxas wasn't sure if he ever had one.

All he could do was hold the charm to his chest and wish he was there with her.

The edges of the yellow star dug into his hand as he gripped it tighter. The one proof he had that he was more than a shell. A nobody.

Even if all he had now was pain.

Pain that drew darkness closer to him, the shadows of the room slowly reaching for him.

On instinct, Roxas jumped to his feet and called on his keyblade. Ready for whatever heartless might spring forth. Yet as the shadow coalesced before him, it bore no eyes or emblem. It was smaller than any heartless he'd ever seen, yet no less potent. The amorphous shape sharpened as it took proper form.

A black keychain, with an X at the end of it. The same one as the zipper on his jacket.

He glanced to the keyblade in his hand, a strange emblem dangling from the chain attached to the hilt.

Somehow he knew that this dark token was similar.

As if responding to his thought, the emblem vanished as the dark keychain attached itself to his keyblade. In a swirl of shadows, it changed. It's edges grew sharp, the entire blade turned black with gray etchings. As he eyed the strange shape the teeth of the blade turned into, Roxas felt the name of the changed keyblade come to him.

Nihil.

Roxas thew it away. One last desperate attempt to try and throw off this darkness that had fallen over him. But in a violet flash it returned, the shadowed blade back in his hands.

Right now this darkness was all Roxas had.

That and a name. The name of the world he would face Sora on.

The room she was given in Castle Oblivion was the first place she could call home.

That did not mean she would.

Home was a place you were welcomed. Where you could rest after a long day. But this prison cell was not a home. The only one who made it a home was taken away, and she didn't know if she'd see him again.

As Naminé looked to the crystal ball, she wished she knew the scrying spells that would let her see more of the castle instead of the recalled worlds. To at least know how Roxas was doing. How any of her friends were doing. Even knowing if Sora and Kairi were okay would be enough.

She knew Marluxia and Larxene well enough. If she was asked to eliminate Kairi to take her power, then it was certain that Roxas would be given similar orders to take out his other.

Despite having a keyblade, Naminé had no idea what to do. Escape wasn't possible, Marluxia had to be watching. Fighting him was something she still lacked the courage to do. Even if by some miracle, she was able to evade them, Ansem might strike from the shadows. There was no way she could face him alone.

Right now, she needed to rest. Gather her strength for tomorrow. Naminé had no idea what would happen when she faced Kairi. But right now, she might be Naminé's only chance.

Yet as much as she needed to lie down and get some sleep, her mind couldn't help but wander to her drawings. Once again, she walked over to her sketchbooks. One filled with pictures of a constructed past. Another with memories she had made herself. And next to it…

"I was able to create this with a bit of effort. Should you complete the mission tomorrow, you will be a part of our Organization."

A black coat.

Just her size.

She kicked it aside for now. She was in no mood to put on that thing.

She grabbed the two latest notebooks from each stack and flipped through each of them. One more look at where she come from. One more look at her friends.

One more look at the one she loved.

But as she flipped through the worlds, Naminé knew what was next. The world that Kairi was born on. The one where their journeys would take a turn.

But what turn that was, Naminé couldn't say.

From Darkness he watched. The Darkness in Zero observing the castle teetering over oblivion.

He saw the two born of nothing. Born from the keybearer and the princess of heart.

The path was clear. Victory was achievable for them.

Yet they hesitated. Agonized over this straightforward path to victory.

It made no sense. Nobodies had no heart to feel regret. No reason not to take whatever they desired.

And yet the two of them thought of the other. That their actions had consequences.

DiZ did not understand it.

But perhaps he did not need to. Perhaps what was needed was to give them a chance. Or at least keep some of the other eyes in Castle Oblivion blinded or preoccupied.

If nothing else, he needed to keep the real keybearer and the Princess of Heart safe. One was strong enough to fight the darkness and oblivion ahead.

The other…

He had a duty of care

If their nobodies were willing to assist, then all the better.

But the impostor was the larger issue. His mastery of darkness far eclipsed DiZ's. Too soon, and the one who stole his name would sense and destroy him. DiZ could not allow that to happen.

Not until the usurper had paid all of his debts.

Kairi sat on the railing. Feet kicking over the side of Hook's ship. With the white door back to Castle Oblivion appearing after the pirate captain's defeat, It seemed as if she wouldn't be going to where Wendy was from as part of her trip.

She also wouldn't be learning to fly.

Sure, Kairi had almost figured out how to glide. Some of it through her growing skill, and memories of Sora's adventures. But it would have been nice to talk with Sora about what she was able to do.

She wanted to share so many stories with everyone.

To share her experiences, and hear everything they had gone through. Sora's adventures, Riku's journey, the truth about Naminé and why she left. Maybe they could convince Roxas to leave these creeps in black and learn his story.

Maybe they could all go home together.

Or at least travel together. Her climb up Castle Oblivion had been ominously quiet outside of fights. So many challenges that Sora had faced had risen to stop her. Yet as new as she was to the power her keyblade provided, her light was strong enough to cut through them.

She sighed as she watched the moon hang in the sky. Maybe if she had her friends, home could be wherever they wanted it to be.

So as lonely as it was, she needed to keep fighting. She had finally met Naminé in this castle after so many years of having lost her. Whatever reason she disappeared had to be tied to this place. Maybe it had ensnared Sora or Riku too. If there was something she could do to help her friends, then Kairi would give everything her heart could.

Kairi pulled out the last world card from her pocket. First she needed to find them, and face whoever was pulling the strings in this castle.

Her brow furrowed as she looked over the pictured world. She would confront the past one more time.

She had a feeling it wouldn't be the last.

"One more card."

Sitting on his knapsack taken from the camp kit, Sora stared at the world card between his fingers. It was the last one he had, but somehow Sora doubted it would be the end. Even if this world was as much of a trial as it was the first time through, there had to be more to Castle Oblivion. After all…

"Have we lost any memories?"

Donald stopped his pacing to squawk the question that had been hanging over everyone's head. From the beginning, the stranger warned that going further into the castle would cause them to forget.

Shaking his head, Sora lied down on the mat. "But I remember my past, the islands, Riku, and Kairi. Everything that's happened up to now." Everything since he was tossed from Destiny Islands was unforgettable.

Goofy scratched his chin as he pondered, "I wonder if that's what that guy expected to happen to us. He was pretty surprised when Donald blasted him."

Donald huffed as he sat on his sleeping mat. "If only we had our ship. We could go find Merlin or Yen Sid and see what they know."

Lying down, Goofy closed his eyes and mused, "I think Naminé's the key to this. They seemed real focused on making sure Sora knew about her, and he only remembered her when we got to the castle."

Sora couldn't deny that the more he thought about it, the odder it seemed. Why remember her now? If she disappeared, then wouldn't Riku or Kairi have mentioned it? Riku always wanted to see more than the islands, but that was because of Kairi. He remembered that Naminé and Kairi were close, but he can't recall any time that Kairi mentioned her.

Yet he just knew Naminé was there somehow. It was all a mystery.

"I think that Roxas guy is a bigger mystery," Donald muttered as he got back up and paced again. "He's got Sora's keyblade."

Sora furrowed his brow as he thought about the stranger he had met in this castle. "It's weird. I don't remember him but I just feel like…"

"Like?"

Like a certain blonde girl he remembered recently. Or rather…

"Like I've always known him. Every step of my life." Sora shook his head as he pocked the card and sighed, "I don't know. I'm just hoping I find either of them, Riku or…"

He felt the seashells brush against his fingers. Letting go of the card, he took hold of the charm once again.

Goofy and Donald watched as Sora gazed at Kairi's charm in what had become a nightly ritual. He stroked the seashell petals, remembering the explanation from before they set out.

A charm to help sailors find their way home.

Would it work if home was a person?

Donald walked over and put a hand to Sora's shoulder. "We found Kairi once, right? We can do it again."

Propping himself up on his elbows, Goofy offered a thumbs up. "We'll be behind ya every step of the way!"

Sora nodded as he held Kairi's charm to his chest. "I don't know how much further we have to go, but I know we're close to something big."

Gingerly, he placed the charm back in his pocket next to the world card.

The card all four keybearers in Castle Oblivion held. The memory of a world that was a confluence of change, and promised more twists to unfold.

Hollow Bastion.