Chapter 15- Unease

"Maksim, please wrap Natasha's wounds and check her temperature while I get her some dry clothes," Alina asked in a trembling voice before walking out of the room.

Maksim ran his hand through his cropped brown hair as he stared after her before glancing at me. "Sorry about that," he said, reaching into Alina's bag, pulling out a pair of latex gloves and an old mercury thermometer.

"What's his problem?" I asked, eyeing him. He was cute, I'd give him that. Dark brown hair in a military cut and blue-grey eyes, a small scar slashing across his chin. Not as tall as Aleksander, but of a similar solid stature, his firm muscles evident beneath his jumpsuit. He kept himself in shape, which I appreciated.

He sighed, snapping on the gloves. "Not my place to discuss that, sorry."

"Fine." I shrugged, pretending not to care. Honestly, though, the question burned in my chest. There was tension amongst this group, some bad blood between Vadim and Aleksander. Bad blood got people killed. Damn, I wished Sam would wake up. Their presence filled me with a sense of unease and I wanted to be far away from here. We had enough of our own problems.

Maksim held out the thin glass thermometer with a friendly smile. "Right. Could you hold that under your arm while I examine these wounds?"

I narrowed my eyes at him, staying where I was.

After a pause he said, "you know, you have to help me out here if you want your wounds treated."

"I don't know who you are," I shot back.

"I take it you've had little reason to trust strangers."

"The opposite. People I don't know are dangerous." As it turned out, people I did know, or thought I knew, were also dangerous, so I didn't know what to believe now.

He nodded. "It's a valid survival strategy. It's true, no one trusts anyone these days."

I continued to stare at him. On that, we could agree.

"But I assure you, my only intention is to treat your wounds." He sighed. "Well, how about I tell you my medical background to show you I'm actually who I say I am?"

When I didn't answer, he told me anyway. "I did a four-year medical degree at university before interning for twelve months at a naval hospital. Then deployed to the hospital ship, Irtysh, for another twelve months before transferring to the Rezkiy."

Despite myself, I asked, "was that the name of your ship?"

"Oh, so you were listening then," he chuckled. "Yes. That was our ship." He sighed, smile fading, staring off into the room with a distant expression that I knew all too well. "Now she is resting on the rocks of Reineke Island."

As I watched him, my face softened with unexpected sympathy, picturing the horrific scene he must have witnessed, the desperate cries of his injured shipmates, and the heavy burden of their lives resting on his shoulders. How many of his friends did he fail to save? The swamp flashed into my mind, the explosion still ringing in my ears, the screams of wounded and dying friends, the flames of the pyre as we burned their bodies. I knew how he felt.

I gave him a forced smile, but it probably looked more like a grimace. "We've all had to bury friends out here."

He met my eyes and gave a small nod. After an awkward pause, he asked, "will you let me check your wounds now?" He glanced towards the door. "Because Alina will get mad if I haven't done them when she gets back." He grinned, brandishing the thermometer again. I wasn't sure if he was joking.

With a reluctant sigh, I took the thermometer, clamping it under my arm as he'd said. My wounds were stinging like fire now, adding to my irritation. "Just get it over with."

"Fair enough. I won't hurt you, well, not on purpose." Another grin. Was he trying to be funny to lighten the mood? If so, he'd have to do better than that.

While attempting to keep the thermometer under my arm, I rolled up my trouser legs again with my free hand and he gasped.

"Alina wasn't joking when she said these were infected," he said. "What the hell happened?"

"Rat mutants happened."

"Rats?"

I huffed, not in the mood to explain again, but I did.

Maksim grunted in disgust. "I can't say I'm disappointed about not being on the mainland. We have nothing like that here, only some lobsters down near the water."

"Must be peaceful," I grumbled. "It's a shit fight over there."

"Well, judging by your wounds, it appears that way." He sloshed some iodine onto a gauze pad. "We hear things, of course, all kinds of monsters, people killing each other for scraps of land, for food and water. Makes me glad we were down by the islands and not further up the coast when we ran aground, or we might have ended up in that fight, too," he said with a grimace as he dabbed iodine onto the gash on my left leg. I winced at the stinging bite, clenching my eyes shut. He glanced at me. "So, were you always in Vladivostok?"

Despite not wanting to talk to him, I sighed and nodded, needing the distraction. "I was born there."

"Then you must have seen the bombs. You're old enough."

I stared at the bed and shrugged. "When I was around ten. I was out shopping with my mother."

Maksim retrieved some gauze and a length of bandage from the bag. "That must have been terrible."

"Hmm, it was, especially since she died that day."

He frowned up at me, pausing in the middle of wrapping my wound. "I'm sorry." He drew his lips to a line and continued.

Wincing at the excessive pressure he put on the slash, I said, "maybe it was a mercy. This world would have destroyed her, I think. She was too honest and kind." I sighed. It made no sense to be sharing this with him, but something about him put me at ease, and I found myself unable to hold back, like my words were determined to come out. "I'm kind of glad she didn't have to live through this."

"But you've survived this long," Maksim said, cutting the bandage and starting on the other wound. The iodine stung again.

"I was raised by wolves," I retorted, gritting my teeth and staring wistfully at the bandage Maksim began wrapping around my other leg.

He was silent as he finished wrapping and securing the bandage."And these...wolf people. Where are they now?" He asked when he lifted his head to look at me.

"I'm sorry, it's not my place to tell you that." I shook my head, using his own words against him. Telling him that was out of the question. If any of them knew, I was sure they would force us to leave, or worse, kill us.

Maksim chuckled as he finished. "Fair enough." He glanced at me and his smile faded. "It sounds like you've had a tough life. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to pry. Just watch Vadim. He doesn't like you much."

"Yeah, no kidding," I huffed, flexing my legs, feeling the snug fit of the bandages. I had to admit, they felt better being wrapped properly.

Maksim nodded and walked over to the sink to wash his hands, tossing the gloves into a steel bin. As he washed up, I glanced over at Sam, still sleeping across the room. I needed to be near him, so I slipped off the bed, limping over as Maksim glanced at me. He left me alone, so I dragged a chair beside Sam's bed, brushing my hand over his shoulder, making sure not to disturb the IV line attached to the almost empty bag of Aleksander's blood.

Sam gave no indication he was aware of my presence, but his breathing was steady, so I reached over and lifted his shirt- a fresh one, probably one of Aleksander's- to check the wound. Crisp, white bandages encircled his abdomen neatly, covering the wound. It appeared alright, but how could I be sure?

"You don't need to worry," Maksim said, looking over his shoulder as he did inventory on a cupboard of medical supplies. "Alina is a very capable doctor. She knows what she's doing."

I sat back in my chair, frowning at him. "How am I to know that? She could be anyone." Letting out a long breath, I shifted my gaze back to Sam. "He's the only one I can even consider trusting, the only one I have left. Everyone else turned their backs on me."

"I assume you're talking about those wolf people you mentioned earlier?" Maksim asked, closing and locking the cupboard.

"Yeah, the wolf people." I guessed that was an apt name for them.

Maksim wandered over to stand by the bed next to Sam, holding two fingers against his neck. I understood he was trying to be friendly, but I wished he'd just leave me alone. But maybe he was staying to keep an eye on me.

He stepped away and scrawled something on a clipboard by Sam's bed, then gestured to him. "You two are close?"

Were we? My eyes traced the profile of Sam's face, unsure. We had definitely been getting along, friendly even, and fire wreathed my chest every time I looked at him. He'd even admitted he'd had feelings for me. But a part of me hated what I'd done. Hated that I'd chosen him over my clan. Over Viktor. What would Senya think of that? How the hell could I betray them like that? After everything they did for me. I owed them my life, and I threw it in their face.

Maksim stared at me expectantly.

I shrugged. "Yeah, I guess." I furrowed my brow, shaking my head. "Ah, it's complicated."

He glanced between Sam and I, nodding. "Yeah, feelings usually are."

We both turned as Alina re-emerged, holding a stack of neatly folded clothes and a grey woollen blanket. "Is everything alright?" She asked, peering at Maksim and I.

"Yeah, all good. Wounds are all done, just waiting for Sam to wake up."

"Have you checked his pulse again?" She asked, walking across the room.

He nodded. "Yeah, still steady at 55. I wrote it on his chart."

"That's good, thank you." She turned to me. "Here are some of my clothes you can have and a blanket I warmed by the furnace. You should hang your clothes to dry and I will get them washed for you."

I took the stack from her and nodded in thanks, pressing the warm blanket against my chest. After enduring the freezing rain and wind, the warmth was a welcome relief.

Alina walked over to the medical cabinet, unlocking it to reach inside. "I'm sorry about Vadim," she said in a quiet voice, drawing something into a syringe.

"We've been through this already," Maksim interjected. "It's alright."

"No, it's not. He was out of line."

"I'm not arguing that," he said, returning to the bench next to Alina.

"Honestly, it's what I was expecting from all of you," I added, setting the clothes on Sam's bed. "I didn't think you'd help us at all."

"If it was up to Vadim, we wouldn't have. He'd probably have killed you." Alina drew her lips into a thin, disapproving line as she returned with a glass vial and a loaded syringe. "I'm really glad he's not in charge. This is penicillin for your infections. You will need more, but this will reduce it for now, stop it from getting worse." She held out the vial for me to examine.

Squinting, I deciphered the tiny lettering on the label, taken aback.

She gave me a small smile. "I hope that eases some of your suspicion."

No, just made me more confused. Their kindness towards me was unexpected and baffling. What was in it for them?

I glanced at Maksim, who was busying himself in the cupboard as I pulled my arm out of the sleeve of my jacket.

Alina frowned, uncapping the syringe. "Why aren't you wearing a shirt?"

I stared at the concrete, clenching my jaw. "I used it to control the bleeding from Sam's wound until we had the chance to treat it. We were in a hurry and I had nothing else."

"No wonder you are hypothermic with just that cold armour on your skin." She met my eyes, and I had to look away when her sympathetic expression became too much.

"I'm sorry, this has happened to you. It's a lot for anyone to take," she said as she tightened a strap around my arm to find my vein just below my elbow. "Just a sharp sting," she added before the needle bit into my skin. I winced and looked at Sam again, hoping he'd wake up soon.

"I see you care about him." Alina slipped the syringe into a metal container marked with a bio hazard warning and pressed a wad of gauze over the puncture. When I didn't answer, she stood and grabbed the vial, walking back to the cupboard. "Well, I'll give you some privacy. I'll return soon to see how you're doing. Please, make yourself comfortable, if you can. I know this is a lot." She gestured to Maksim, and they left, closing the door behind them with a soft creak. I assumed they wanted to keep an eye on me, so why would they leave me alone? Maybe they thought I wasn't dangerous. I sighed. Maybe they were right.

My mind was a fog as I changed into the clothes Alina had given me. They weren't something I would usually wear. Light blue cotton trousers and a blue and white striped shirt like the sailors wore. Although I thought little stripes, it was dry, and it was a relief to peel off my wet, dirty clothes.

When I had hung my clothes and armour over a spare chair in the corner, I sat back at Sam's side, pulling the warm blanket around my shoulders. With no sign of him waking, I allowed my mind to wander, savoring the warmth of the blanket. It was a mistake, as I instantly thought of Senya. Was I betraying him by being here with Sam? I shook my head at the absurd thought. He was dead. He wouldn't care about much. But I couldn't shake this feeling. Why had I suddenly become so fixated on him when he'd died four years ago? Because another man shared his name? What the hell was wrong with me? I gritted my teeth, glaring at the door, hoping it would open and give me an excuse to kill someone, vent this unexpected relentless rage pounding against my chest.

Stupid. The way this upset me was ridiculous. He'd taught me better than this.

Senya's rare grin as I finally beat him for the first time in sparring flashed through my mind and I covered my face with my hands, willing it to stop. His even rarer compliment had filled me with elation and Viktor gave me a nod of approval from where he sat watching, then quickly kicked my ass when I challenged him next, warning me in his steady voice to not get overconfident.

I gritted my teeth as my eyes burned. Stop thinking about them! I couldn't afford to. They were gone. Twenty years of pent up grief, anger and frustration hit me like the tsunami, and powerless to stop them, hot tears forced themselves down my cheeks.

My nails bit into my skin as I covered my face and sobbed. Memories of us together rolled through my mind like a slide show, ending with Grigor and Simon cutting his tortured body down from the gallows as I screamed. For months, that final, terrible image of him haunted my sleep, and I refused to shut my eyes, only relenting when exhaustion overcame me. I had to keep moving. It was the only way I could stop thinking about him. Everyone told me I should just move on, that people died, and it was weakness to linger on it. They expected me to be cold, so I was, and I somehow put it behind me, replacing him with Viktor. Or so I thought.

I barely bit back another sob, trying to swallow past the rock in my throat, when a hand brushed against my arm and I surged to my feet, panic warring with my grief.

"Easy, Nat, it's me," Sam said slowly, roughly, his voice laced with the morphine and remnants of the sedative.

My eyes widened as dread bottomed out my stomach. Weakness. I wouldn't let him see my vulnerability. I turned my back to him, swiping my arm across my face, cheeks flaming. Unshed tears burned behind my eyes as I hurried back to the bed across the room.

"Nat." Sam's voice broke through my fog, but I refused to look at him. I couldn't, as memory swallowed me again. The one and only time I dared to cry in front of Senya. With a disapproving sneer, he'd left me alone in the middle of the ruins, ordering me to find my way back on my own to come to my senses. Viktor found me and when we returned, he and Senya had one of the biggest fights they'd ever had and Senya refused to even glance at me for days, blaming me for my lack of control. I was so humiliated, so angry at myself for failing him and I never cried in front of him again. He had been right, though. Emotions got you nowhere. Even Sam himself had said so. Emotion made you stupid, and I wasn't stupid.

"Nat," Sam said again. "Come back over here."

I shook my head, resting it on my knees, my throat burning with anger, humiliation.

"Come on, it's alright."

No, it fucking wasn't. "I'm not weak," I said, biting back the tremble in my voice.

Sam frowned. "I Never said you were. You're anything but."

I blinked. He couldn't mean that. It must be the morphine. Yeah, that was it.

When I didn't answer, he continued, a little sluggish. "I've never thought that and after everything that just happened, well, I don't blame you. I don't think you're weak because you're upset."

Frowning, I shifted my eyes sideways. "Why? Everyone else does."

"By everyone else, you mean your brother's clan?" He huffed. "Look, I know it's not the same, but when I left my friends back at Lake Baikal, I felt more alone than I ever had. Surrounded by people, by my friends in the metro for twenty years and suddenly I was in the Russian wilderness with a crazy, long shot goal that I knew would probably never happen and an even longer road ahead of me. I understand that hopelessness, but I persevered, and you can too."

I heaved a sigh, breathing through the threat of tears, stemming them. He didn't understand. He didn't turn his friends into enemies. "Why keep fighting, Sam? I've lost everything I've ever known."

"No, not everything. I'm still here, and you're the reason. You saved my life, Nat."

I scoffed. "Alina saved your life. I just fucked up."

"Come on, you're better than this. Where's that hot-headed woman who can fight anything?"

"She's confused." I gritted my teeth.

"Okay, but do I need to remind you what you did for me at the port, at the docks, in the marshes when we killed the batwing together?" He shifted upright, bracing his arms on the bed and blinking as if hit by sudden dizziness.

"When I betrayed my clan, my family," I sighed as sorrow swept over me again. I glanced away, embarrassed to look at him.

"They weren't a family, Nat."

I glared at the wall. "They were all I had."

"I know." He nodded. "I'm not telling you to get over it, or expecting you not to grieve. You're allowed to. I'm saying you're not alone, you still have me and we make a damn good team."

This was just the morphine talking again. It had to be. Still, I raised my head to meet his gaze. He met my eyes with a sincere expression, curling one side of his mouth into a smile that lit me on fire.

"Come on, come over here," he said, gesturing to the chair beside him.

This is what I had wanted, right? To be close to him. But how could I, with the memory of Senya so vivid in my mind? Regardless, I needed to salvage something from this disaster. So despite my doubts, I unfolded myself from the bed and returned to him, wincing as I lowered myself into the chair beside his bed, his dark eyes following me. He reached out, sliding his fingers between mine, his touch beautifully warm against my icy skin, enough to steal my breath. His smile widened, and powerless to stop it, I gave him a weak smile of my own, as my whole body crackled with the electricity that arched between us. I stared into his deep auburn eyes, and felt myself leaning toward him, while his fingers traced the length of my arm, drawing me into him.

"We're going to get through this," he said, leaning forward to close the few inches left between us, my skin tingling where his arm wrapped around my neck.

Right before our lips touched, panic fisted my chest as the memory of my first kiss with Senya swallowed the moment. No! I jerked back, even as my heat sank. I had been so close. Desire smouldered in my chest ever since I first saw him, but now, with the chance, my skin prickled with an unfamiliar fear, and a sudden, overwhelming urge to retreat hit me like the tsunami. The disappointment on Sam's face speared through my heart, but fortunately, at that moment, the door to the room opened, and Alina returned, distracting me.

She stopped in the doorway, watching us. "Oh, I'm sorry to interrupt," she said, catching the sideways glance Sam flicked across to me. I dropped my eyes to the floor.

"I'm glad you are awake, Sam," she said to fill the awkward silence. "How are you feeling?"

Sam lay back on his pillow with a grunt. "Like I've had two bottles of vodka and an ass kicking."

Alina chuckled as she checked her watch. "Well, you still have an hour until I can give you another dose of morphine, but we will have to be careful, our supply's getting low."

"We can help you find more, in thanks for saving us," Sam said.

She smiled. "You aren't going anywhere until you're healed. Although I appreciate the offer. Aleks will as well."

"How's he doing?"

She glanced up from her clipboard. "He's fine. Just resting now."

"I need to thank him for giving me his blood."

"I'll pass it on for you," Alina replied with a friendly smile.

Sam nodded with a smile of his own as Alina turned to me, and I glowered at her, predicting what she was going to say.

"Okay, now it's your turn. Sam is awake, as I promised."

Sam frowned at me. "What are you talking about?"

"She didn't want to be sedated until you woke up," Alina told him.

"She needs to be sedated too?" He asked, voice edged with concern that ignited another spark in my chest.

"The wounds from the sewer rat mutants are deep and infected. I need to cut away the damaged tissue and suture them."

Sam sighed, peering at me with a furrowed brow, running a hand through his dark hair. "Ah, I'm sorry about all of that. That shouldn't have happened."

I shrugged, not meeting his gaze. "Oh well, something else would have happened."

Alina watched us, curiosity etching her face.

"It was my fault she fell into the sewers," Sam said, frowning. He took my hand again, and I sucked in a breath.

Alina shook her head. "You don't have to tell me. We can't change what happened now. I'll fix them."

Pulling my legs in closer to my chair, wincing at the stinging wounds, I said, "I still don't like the idea of being sedated right now."

Alina sighed. "I know that, but I told you. Believe me, you don't want blood poisoning, Natasha."

"Nah, that's bad news. I've seen it before. It'll kill you." Sam added.

"I know that, I just-"

"What is she going to do, Nat?" Sam asked.

"I don't know, she could do anything." I shrugged, picking at a finger nail.

"What, like, save you from blood poisoning? I'm still here, aren't I? Why would she save me only to hurt you?"

"I promise I won't hurt you," Alina said. "And it will be quick. I'll only sedate you for a short time, thirty minutes at most."

"Come on, Nat. It'll be fine. I'll be here the whole time."

Maksim walked in and went to the sink to wash his hands, catching my attention. I had no choice. Blood poisoning was the last thing I wanted.

Sam met my eyes, covering my hand with his. "It'll be okay, Nat."

I glanced between them before giving a hesitant nod as nervousness knotted in my chest, watching Maksim preparing syringes on the bench.

"I'll need you to go over to the table, please," Alina said in a kind voice.

I glanced at the middle of the room where she had treated Sam, my pulse quickening.

He squeezed my hand. "I'm right here."

"Don't let them do anything."

He smirked, glancing at Alina. "I promise."

I followed Alina to the table, where I peered at Sam. He smiled and nodded as I paused, taking another deep breath before climbing onto the fresh sheet covering the metal. Maksim walked to my side and gave me a friendly smile. All these damned smiles. They only increased my nervousness. It felt strange to be surrounded by so much kindness; it was almost unsettling. I fidgeted with the sheet as Maksim pressed his fingers to my throat.

My pulse spiked as he checked his watch. "Whoa. 110, I think someone is nervous." He winked. "You'll be fine. It'll all be over like that." He snapped his fingers. "Alright, a quick sting, then you won't feel a thing. It's just like waking up from a real good sleep."

I glowered at him, and he grinned. Damn, this guy was perky.

"Close your eyes and count to ten," he said.

I took a deep breath as I shut my eyes and did as he said. I only got to six before I fell into chemical oblivion.

Bright white light and cracked concrete swirled above as I blinked against the sudden intrusion of light. My head swam in the woozy tide, and in my disorientation, tried to recall where I was. What the hell happened? Why was I sleeping? Where was this place? I blinked again, as I floated in space, head spinning, faintly aware of a soft moan escaping my lips, but it sounded distant and unfocused. What the fuck?

A shuffling somewhere to my left and I tried to sit up, but my body felt too light, yet as heavy as the concrete above me, and refused to obey. All I could manage was a shake of my head, but this only resulted in the naked light bulb above me blurring as the room spun. My head dropped into a pile of clouds and I shut my eyes through the dizziness. After a heartbeat, a distant but familiar voice spoke my name, pulling me back from wherever I had gone and I cracked my eyes open again, squinting against the light. Too much light. I wished it would fuck off.

"The light," I tried to say, but the words were heavy in my ears.

"What?" The voice answered.

"The light," I spat the words as if they were a foul bite of meat.

"Oh, hold on."

After a moment, the burning sphere of light fell dark. There was another light source somewhere else in the room, but it wasn't blasting directly in my face, so I didn't care. I sighed in relief as the dark washed over me.

"Where's Sam?" I asked dreamily. "Is he okay? He promised he wouldn't leave me."

Silence hung for a moment, then a soft chuckle broke the quiet. "I didn't. I'm right here, Nat."

"What? No." I sucked in a breath. "What the hell is happening?"

"You're okay, it's just the sedative. Give it a moment."

Sedative.

Sedative. The word clicked in my brain like freezing water thrown in my face, pulling me back into the world of sobriety, but not completely. As I jolted up in panic, a wave of nausea hit me so strong it took my breath and I fought hard not to vomit as the room tilted.

"Whoa. Easy. Lie back down. Holy shit, you are jumpy." His arm forced me back until my head found the pillow.

"Who drugged me?" I slurred.

He frowned back, as if I'd lost my mind. "What? No one drugged you. Alina sedated you to clean your wounds."

Bile clawed sickeningly at my throat. "I think I'm going to be sick."

"Not surprising." He stood with a painful grunt and hurried to grab a stainless steel bowl as I breathed through the nausea.

"I hope this isn't important.,'" he said as he handed it to me, just as I wretched, but there was nothing in my stomach to come up. I couldn't remember the last time I had eaten anything substantial.

Sam winced as I sat back. "You good?"

"Like two bottles of vodka and an ass kicking," I moaned.

Sam chuckled again. "It's a bitch, isn't it? But maybe if you didn't freak out, it wouldn't have happened."

I speared him with a glare, taking another breath to quell my nausea. "I'm really not in the mood right now."

Sam's gaze shifted to the door when Alina came back inside.

"Oh, good, you're awake." She glanced at the bowl sitting on my legs. "I would ask how you're feeling, but I think I can guess."

"Why do I feel so crappy? What did you give me?"

Alina walked across the room to stand in front of the bed. "Morphine. And you're likely having a reaction to the sedative, it happens some times."

I shut my eyes as my head throbbed. "Does it make the world feel like it's spinning?"

"Yes, opioids often cause that side effect. You may also feel disorientated."

Sam smirked. "And you may also ask people where they are when they're sitting right next to you." He peered at me with an amused glint in his eyes. Part of me was relieved to see his mischievous spark return. The other wanted to slap it off his face.

Alina stifled a smile. "I've heard people say many crazy things when they're on morphine. Don't feel too bad."

"Well, why didn't that happen to him?" I jabbed a finger towards Sam, narrowing my eyes at him. He didn't say anything stupid."

"Everyone reacts differently," Alina said.

"Well, I don't want that again. It's shit."

Sam frowned. "A little gratitude might be nice."

"It's okay, Sam. I won't give you any more." Alina nodded.

"Thank you," I said, wishing the sickness would go.

"It shouldn't last too long. I probably can't give you more, anyway. Our supplies are low. We won't have any left for an emergency." She looked at me and smiled again. "Rest now, and I'll check back later to see if you're hungry."

When Alina left, Sam sat back in his chair and looked across at me with an unreadable expression. I found his dark eyes, and he sighed.

"What?" I asked, furrowing my brow.

He hesitated, glancing away. "Why'd you pull away before?"

"What are you talking about?"

"Remember that moment we almost had when I woke up?"

I closed my eyes. When we had nearly kissed. "Yes, I remember."

"So then, why did you pull away? I thought that's what you wanted, Nat, or did I misread your intentions?"

"No, you didn't misread. I do want it, but I just-" I broke off, unable to find the words in the jumble of thoughts ravaging my head like a hurricane. Senya's face flashed through my mind again, and I winced, but I couldn't tell him about that. I shook my head. "With everything that's going on, I just need time." I finished, meeting his intent gaze.

He sighed. "I get that, but you don't have to do it on your own. That's what I'm telling you."

"Not that long ago, you wanted to kill me, Sam. Everything has happened so fucking fast, I don't know what to do. It's hard for me to trust anyone at the moment."

"Well, you can trust me. I won't stab you in the back like your brother did," He said, tracing a finger over my hand.

I lay my head back on my pillow as my eyes burned. Fuck that. I would not cry again.

"But we shouldn't think about that right now," Sam added, watching me. "You should try to get some rest. I think we're going to be here for a while."

We remained in the med bay for another two days, regaining our strength. Alina and Maksim took turns checking wounds, bringing food and talking to us, Maksim telling terrible jokes and Alina smiling warmly. Aleksander had also stopped by to check on us. To my dismay, he and Sam seemed to get along. My heart sank as they swapped banter and war stories, and I thought about the implications of this. If they became friends, Sam would be reluctant to leave. On top of everything, I hadn't slept during that time, expecting someone to attack us. Much to Sam's annoyance, I also didn't want to eat what they gave me despite being ravenous and, according to Alina, dehydrated.

Sam frowned at me over his bowl of soup as I set mine on the table I'd dragged over to his bed for the second time that day. "What? You think they're going to poison you now? After they used their valuable medical supplies on you? Why would they do that?"

I glowered at him. "I don't know." But I couldn't shake the feeling something bad was about to happen. I didn't want to help it along.

"Well, you'd better figure it out because you can't survive on willpower alone." He snorted as he swallowed a mouthful of soup. "I know you're giving it a damn good shot, though. You're as stubborn as-"

"The tsunami that swallowed Vladivostok?" Maksim supplied with a grin as he walked in. I glared at him as Sam barked a laugh. "As a concrete fort in a windstorm? A raging fire through dead grass? A lobster in a feeding frenzy? A-"

"Are you done?" I spat, jabbing Sam in the ribs as he continued to laugh. "Shut up."

He grabbed my arm with a stupid grin as I went to stick my elbow in again. "Come on, Nat. He's pretty funny." He grinned at Maksim. "Nice timing."

Maksim chuckled. "Why are we calling her stubborn?" He asked, eyeing me.

"She's not eating her soup," Sam replied, arching a brow at me.

Maksim's grin widened. "Oh, as stubborn as a child with a plate full of vegetables."

"I thought you were a medic, not the ship's comedian," I growled at him.

"Medic is my day job. I'm a man of many talents." He beamed back with a wink.

"Careful, Maksim," Sam said. "I think she's flirting with you."

He chuckled. "Oh no, she's too much for me. I like my women a little less like a watchman."

"She had a watchman, actually," Sam grinned, shifting his eyes to me. I glowered back at him.

"For real?" Maksim replied skeptically, walking to the bench.

"Yeah, I'm not kidding. She trained it from a pup. It tried to kill me."

"Huh." Maksim raised his eyebrows at me over his shoulder, looking a little impressed. Damn fucking right. I raised my chin in his direction.

He shrugged. "Well, they run in packs." He finished with a straight face, writing something on a clipboard.

Sam snickered again, setting his empty bowl on the small table.

I curled my lip, very much over being their entertainment. "You two done?"

"Nah, we've got so much to work with," he said.

I sat back in my chair with a growl. "Pair of fucking children."

Maksim chuckled again from the bench and peered over his shoulder. "So you had a watchman, huh?"

I shrugged.

"That's different. How'd that come about?"

"I came across an abandoned den and found her inside, trained her to follow my commands."

Maksim grunted. "I didn't even know that was possible. Your wolf people must have loved that."

"Oh, they did. They either thought I was mad, or it scared the shit out of them." I shrugged, trying to ignore the new flash of guilt. "Or both."

"That's fair. I kind of feel the same." Maksim said.

"Wolf people?" Sam inquired, shooting me a confused look.

I sighed. "My old clan."

Sam nodded. "That's a fitting name."

Maksim gave me a curious glance over his shoulder. After an awkward silence he asked, "did you name it?"

"Of course I did. She was my pet. Her name was Seraph."

Maksim scrunched his face. "Why'd you call it that?"

I met his eyes with a huff and another shrug. "She's an angel of death."

"Like poetry," Sam said, exchanging a look with Maksim.

"Strange sense of humor, this one," Maksim replied, gesturing to me with a thumb.

"You're telling me," Sam agreed, before turning to me, pointing to my abandoned soup. "So you going to eat that?"

"You seem to know everything about me." I scowled. "Why don't you tell me?"

He shrugged, grabbing the bowl. "Your loss. It's really good." He downed a quarter of the soup in one go.

"Yeah, Semyon runs a great galley," Maksim said. "He can turn anything into a meal. Although it helps to be able to grow our own herbs and produce."

"Oh, you farm here?" Sam asked, taking another sip.

"Yeah, heaps. Alina's a green thumb, and she's teaching Yevgeni and Katerina too."

I sighed, sitting back in my chair, letting their chatter wash over me, wondering not for the first time when Sam would be strong enough for us to leave this place. But as I watched them, my heart sank again. Sam seemed to get along with these people and I questioned whether he would want to leave, wondering what I would do if he didn't.

On the third day of us being at the fort, a small, curious face framed in golden brown braided hair peeked around the door to the med bay, her blue eyes finding mine as I glanced up from the chess game Sam and I were playing. I frowned at the child I had seen when we first arrived, judging her to be around five or six.

Unphased by my disapproval, she slipped into the room, her pastel pink Wellington boots scraping the concrete. She wore the same striped shirt as the others, but someone had tailored it to fit her slight frame. A set of denim overalls and a blue jacket that was too big for her were layered over the top. She ambled intently into the centre of the room, pausing as Sam turned to look at her with surprise. She eyed us with wary interest, as if she was wondering whether she should venture closer.

Sam sat up on his bed. "Hello there." He greeted the girl, but she just continued to stare at him. I scowled at her. Was she planning to stand there for the whole time? I hadn't ever seen a child out here, other than me, of course. For a long while, I'd been convinced they didn't exist anymore, until I heard there were some at the settlement at the port. As far as I was concerned, children didn't belong in the wasteland of Vladivostok.

The child frowned. "You sound different," she said to Sam.

Sam gave her a warm smile. "Well, that's probably because I'm American, and you're Russian. We speak differently."

"Where's America? Papa told me Americans attacked us with bombs and made the ocean rise up and that's why everything is so wet. Does that mean you're a bad guy? Why are you here? Where are you from?"

My scowl deepened at the onslaught of questions. Were all children this annoying?

Sam held up his hands with a half smile. "Ha, no, I'm not a bad guy. I've been living in Russia for twenty years."

"Why?"

I met his eyes, and he arched an eyebrow in warning when he saw the dark expression I wore.

He turned back to the child. "I was working in Moscow when I got stranded there after the bombings."

"Where's Moscow?"

Sam sighed. "A long way away from here."

"How did you get here?"

"Oh, damn, stop with the questions," I snapped, my irritation growing too much to contain.

The pesky girl peered at me as Sam narrowed his eyes. "You don't sound different," she said, undeterred.

"I'm Russian."

"A American and a Russian together, so you are a bad guy too?"

I gritted my teeth and Sam grabbed my arm before I could respond. "No, we're not bad guys," he said in a controlled voice, although I could tell her questions were grating on him. "We're just-"

"Katerina," Aleksander's voice said sternly from the doorway. "You're not supposed to be in here." He stepped into the room towards the girl.

"But, papa, I wanted to see the other new people. That one talks funny," she said, pointing at Sam. "And that one is bossy." Her finger swung in my direction and I glared at her, turning it on Sam when he stifled a smile.

"Katerina," Aleksander sighed. He gave us an apologetic smile. "I'm sorry. I told her not to bother you."

"It's fine. She wasn't, really, "Sam replied, shrugging.

"Ah, yes, she was," I added, earning another warning glance. "What? She was."

"Don't worry about her. Everything bothers her right now," Sam said to Aleksander.

"What's your name?" Katerina asked before her father could reply.

"Sam."

"That's a funny name." She turned to Aleksander. "He came from Moscow wherever that is."

Aleksander chuckled and grabbed Katerina, sweeping her off her feet. "Sorry, she needs to know everything." He swept her up in his arms and I jerked my gaze away as an uncomfortable knot squeezed my chest.

She giggled. "Papa, no! Let me go! I wanna see the new people!"

"You're seeing them, "Aleksander said. Clamping a squirming Katerina to his side, he tapped a finger to the device in his ear. "Genya, come get your sister from the med bay, please." There was a pause, then, "thank you." He turned back to Sam and I, his gaze pausing on me, catching the glare I directed at him.

Genya.

Senya.

I squeezed my eyes shut, my brow furrowing deeply as yet another spike of pain flashed through me. Fucking hell, stop that! What was wrong with me?

"Are you alright?" Aleksander asked, wariness tinting his voice. Katerina stared at me from her father's arms, adding to my perpetual anger.

Clearly not. I clenched my jaw and glanced away. Out of the corner of my eye, I caught a quick exchange of glances between Sam and Aleksander.

Sam sighed. "I don't know."

I didn't know either. On top of my anger at myself, at Yuri and the clan, at Senya for allowing himself to be caught and killed, a new, creeping sensation gnawed at me that I had no words for. Something like a deep, empty chasm in my chest that had developed when I first saw the child, and now again seeing Aleksander holding her, hearing her annoying giggles, happy within the safety of his arms. I had no idea what it was, and it was pissing me off.

This and my sudden fixation on Senya and a past event I could do nothing about, was clouding my mind so I couldn't fully enjoy Sam's presence, a roadblock against anything that might happen between us. I caught his eyes again, and a fleeting look passed over them. He knew there was something else holding me back, something more than what I'd admitted. Of course, he knew. It had to be obvious. Yet, I couldn't say it, couldn't admit my vulnerability, not to him.

After a few minutes, Alina's lanky twenty-year-old son jogged into the room, red faced, casting his blue eyes over us. They landed on me as they all seemed to, and I stared back. Now he wasn't cloaked in his suit of vegetation, he didn't appear so terrible, in fact, he was the opposite.

He looked more like a scrawny farm boy than a soldier, but his eyes were calculating, taking the measure of us as he did when he saw us for the first time. He likely learned this from the fighters surrounding him. It didn't matter. I could take him. Aleksander, though, might be a problem. I had the feeling he knew what he was doing and his amiability masked a dangerous edge. His height and broad shoulders screamed strength. He would easily outmatch me in that. I would have to use my speed, but even if I bested him, I wouldn't get far if I bolted now. There was a fort full of military trained men. I would have no chance. They'd kill me in a heartbeat. And then there was Vadim. Eagle eyed and bristling with hostile energy. If I suspected Aleksander was dangerous, there were no doubts in my mind that Vadim far exceeded this danger. My blood fizzed with adrenaline every time he was near. Some old grudge simmered under the surface, and he seemed to have found a threat in me. Did I remind him of something? Or was he just an asshole? I sighed. No, there was no running, not yet. I would have to just bide my time, wait for the right moment and convince Sam it was in our best interest, because I wasn't leaving without him.