14/07
I'll admit it was pretty awkward yesterday, well awkward on my side more or less while Quetz treated it like a normal thing. I was blushing up a storm as she teased me about it, which made me even more confused about the whole situation.
She grabbed me into a hug and kissed me on the cheek, making me blush even harder as she patted my head and said that I was a decent lover that needs a bit more work and stamina, and honestly I'll take it. I mean, being able to at least please a literal divine being like Quetz of all people is definitely a confidence boost
. More so when she handed me her panties and walked out of my room…
It took me exactly ten seconds before I realized she walked out of my room half-naked and leaving me with a souvenir, and then I started losing my mind for a moment. I mean, drunk one-night stands are a thing, sure, and the Servants don't really have a more modern mindset, but I'll admit I did panic because I wasn't sure what was going on or whether I was getting pranked by the Servants and older staff here.
I did head to the cafeteria after cleaning up myself with a lot going through my mind, and there Quetz was hanging out with a few others, having changed back to her normal outfit when she gave me a wink that made me blush again. I looked around and I could see the grinning faces of some of the Servants and older staff who gave me winks and thumbs up, no doubt Quetz gave them a good rundown of my prowess yesterday.
Thankfully, EMIYA saved me from more embarrassment as he quickly had Boudica take me to the kitchen to enjoy my meal quietly. I thanked him for it as he waved me off and sat down to help explain my confusion. Apparently, this Chaldea is a bit more 'open' in their sexual liaisons and needs as long as it doesn't interfere with their work.
Which I totally get. I mean, being trapped in an apocalyptic event for god knows how long and loads of free downtime with the majority of your Servants being hot as hell? Yeah, I can kinda see that, even though it was kinda weird knowing that the staff even joined in. You normally only see the Masters and the Servants enjoying carnal pleasure in most fanfics while the staff are either nonexistent or never join in on the fun, but I digress
Anyways, I did ask why I didn't see this stuff during my first week here, and EMIYA replied that everyone agreed to hold off so we can get the newbies, AKA me and the others squared away first and get to know us before slowly introducing us to their little 'activities.'
But then most of them messed it up, and only me, Deirdre, Jeffery, one other janitor, and four Magus were left, and out of all of them, they decided that me and Deirdre were cool enough that they can tell us about it and join in on the fun.
Go me, I guess?
Boudica also chimed in that Jeffery and the others were kept in the dark about it as much as they could and are now on a very long probationary period unless they shape up their attitudes. I did let out a snort and retort that when that happens, then Kiyohime would probably declare her love for someone else that isn't Ritsuka. That got a hearty laugh out of the two, but Boudica did warn me not to say that in Kiyo's face, and I nodded seriously at that.
Then EMIYA handed me a small book, which I looked at with confusion. He seemed a little embarrassed to hand it, and Boudica was also a little pink at it, which made it a little scary to open.
And suffice to say I get why.
After all, it's not every day that you're on a list on a sex book guide for newbies. I know my brain fizzled out when I opened that book as I stared blankly at the two who decided to explain. See, due to supposedly getting the influx of new staff for Chaldea, the people here decided that having something of a guide so we don't have one idiot pissing off the wrong Servant and blowing the whole place up would be a good idea.
Which is again very logical all things considered, and because of how some Servants are exclusive to Ritsuka or Gudako, everyone thought it'd be prudent to at least have something like this so they won't be liable if one Magus or idiot gets killed because they didn't read the instructions properly.
That also includes who is or isn't part of the 'activities' this place partakes in, which earned the two another deadpan stare from me as EMIYA stated that the book contains about who likes what, who isn't interested, who is with who, and who has a bigger sexual appetite.
And with that, I had finished my breakfast and headed to the infirmary for a checkup of my newly remade body.
Yeah, remember my injuries from the test? Yeah, not exactly easy to fix up everything broken in my body, so Asclepius and Nightingale had to remake my body a little. Not something over the top but just enough that I don't turn into paste the next time a Servant decides to cream me. Probably why I somehow managed to keep my hips and not be ground to dust by Quetz.
Anyways, the two did a bit of a checkup before shooing me off, but not before Nightingale said she wanted to have a more 'personal' checkup later on…
Not really sure what to think about that, to be honest, even with Asclepius giving me a sort of pitying look, and I don't think I'm gonna like the 'personal' checkup.
Gonna stop here for now. I'm taking some time to read through the book and get a better idea of the situation here later.
15/07
Ok… this book is something, all right.
I mean, it's a little weird seeing the Servants' fetishes and kinks, but I guess it's better to be embarrassed than doing something stupid to get the Masters in trouble.
The main rules about it are if the Servants aren't on duty and are interested, it's usually all good. After that was basically which Servants are on that list, there's the HARD NO'S in all caps, and there you got the usual from Mash, Kiyohime, Tamamo, BB, the Lolis, etc. Then you got those who are actual couples like Orion and Artemis, Kriemhild and Siegfried who MIGHT, and there was a stressed MIGHT be up for threesomes, BUT you need to at least be on positive terms with them.
You also got the sex fiends like Medb, Fergus, Shuten, and Kiara who are always good to go unless they're busy or on duty.
I did let out a chuckle seeing EMIYA who is on the no side because of his own harem, though every Servant will probably do it with Ritsuka and Gudako if they ever asked.
After that was a list showing which Servants are the biggest sluts, and if I'm reading this right, it's because they really don't want idiots to bite off more than they could chew, and if they did, to at least prepare them for what's gonna happen.
And boy, was this an eye-opener because from top to bottom you've got: Kiara, Scáthach, Scheherazade, Ibuki and Shuten tied, Quetz, Raikou, Crane, Medb, Artoria (Ruler), and Fergus.
Now I kinda see Kiara and Shuten here, that was obvious, but HOW in god's name did CRANE and SCHEHERAZADE of all people could be bigger sex fiends than Medb? More so for Scheherazade who somehow outdid the two Onis of all Servants? I mean Scáthach I can somewhat see since she does have a body count, but CRANE?
Man, it really is the unassuming ones you've gotta look out for, and I could see the others like Murasaki and Martha ready to break the top ten as well.
NOW, these are only for who either aren't part of the twins' harem or are a bit more open to sexual liaisons with others.
Anyways, it certainly opened my eyes to the whole thing before I kept on reading just to make sure I don't do something stupid. I did pay extra attention to who is FULLY EXCLUSIVE to either Ritsuka and Gudako so I don't get myself incinerated, and a very stray thought entered my head on whether the what remains of the idiot squad would read this or not.
I'll admit I did laugh loudly knowing they won't and maybe get themselves killed, which brightened my day.
16/07
So… I guess somehow I've been upgraded to assistant without me knowing because when I was done with my shift, I got dragged by Quetz towards the training room. Apparently, I was the only one who 'gets' the wrestling thing, and after my performance, she decided I'm gonna be her lucha libre partner.
Yes, it was as scary as it sounds.
Thank god that she held back enough to at least give me a good chance. Funny thing about it all was her 6-foot muscle mommy form being the high flyer and me being 5-foot-6 average body being a mix of powerhouse and showman doing everything I recall from my childhood watching WWE.
She did help me out more to make my moves actually work in a fight, which I doubted quite a lot, not gonna lie, but I'm not saying it out loud for the sake of my health.
Anyways, Deirdre came in halfway through and was thoroughly amused at my suffering and gave a passing joke that she maybe should have Scáthach invite herself for the next session.
I knew my face paled dramatically, and Quetz happily accepting it made me pale even more before Deirdre laughed loudly as she walked away, leaving me with Quetz for the day.
…is it too late to regret coming here?
18/07
Well, it was bound to happen sooner or later, but honestly, I'm surprised at how chaotic Chaldea truly was.
It started simple enough, a nice simple morning enjoying breakfast with Deirdre and some of the Servants, doing my job, and later being Quetz's wrestling toy. Then suddenly alarms started blaring through the speakers, and then the building shook as loud muffled explosions could be heard in the distance.
At first, I thought we were being attacked, but Quetz just laughed and waved me off. I was both curious and scared for a bit, not knowing what was going on. Until I saw Georgios bursting into the room with terror on his face, and when I saw it, I nearly shit myself seeing a Servant of all people with that much fear on his face.
Quickly, he dragged Quetz out of there, and my worry rose even more. I stayed put in the room, knowing that it might be the only safe place at the moment. After a bit, I saw Hans coming in with an unhappy look on the child's face, where he took a seat next to me to probably keep watch. It was a little awkward until I asked what was going on, much to his displeasure.
Apparently, it seemed that Nero and Tamamo were at each other once again. It was supposed to be Tamamo's turn on the Ritsuka rotation, but Nero and Elizabeth (lancer) dragged the master off for another singing competition. This, predictably, did not sit well for the foxy Servant who demanded they hand Ritsuka back for her time, and considering Nero and Tamamo are like oil and water while adding Elizabeth to the mix?
Yeah… and it seemed it spiraled out of control with Draco somehow getting dragged into helping her OG self to fend off the wave of Tamamos gunning for them, and the Mecha Elizabeths joined in on the fun as well. I didn't get first-hand experience of it, but hearing the continuous explosions in the distance, I hope that I never have to.
19/07
Welp, I'll give anyone one guess who has to supervise the cleanup from yesterday's mess? That's right, it's your guy right here. Now one might ask why didn't Chaldea use one of the many Holy Grails they farm on a near-weekly basis? Well, dear friends, it's mainly because they wanted the perpetrators of yesterday's debacle to at least be punished for their crimes.
Now I'm here with a small group of Nemo marines, Gawain, and Ushiwakamaru in supervising Nero, who took it all in stride.
Though I was slightly annoyed at her attitude at times, don't get me wrong, she's definitely the kind of person that could charm anyone with her antics, but it gets a tad bit overbearing unless you're used to it.
Gawain simply shook his head as Nero fails spectacularly at cleaning up her mess, instead actually making it worse somehow, which annoyed me to no end, before I had to help with the cleaning as the Nemo marines even gave me a bit of pity seeing the whole situation as they helped out as well.
At least Quetz was ready to give me some special 'training' when I got back to my room.
27/07
Well, when people say that a change of scenery can give you new perspectives on life I don't think this is what they meant.
See, Jeffery and the idiot squad found out about Chaldea's sexual activities a couple of days back, and they thought that they could do… something? To be honest, I don't know what was going on in their minds, but for some insane reason, they all decided to collectively try their luck on the Servants.
They tried idiotic shit like mocking the twins, going too hard on some, and outright almost trying to force themselves on the few who might seem timid.
Again, I have no idea what is wrong with them, and frankly, I don't want to know.
It went about as well as you'd expect, and by god, I didn't think I would wish outright torture on another human being, but they are just that annoying that even the SAINTS of all people want to tear these assholes apart.
But that was not the reason, oh no. See, I'm at least in the good graces of some Servants here, so I'm good on that part. Quetz being my sex friend on the regular? Not withstanding, and Deirdre seemingly being pretty chill with the Celts was good on her.
What was damn annoying is the idiot squad's insensitive bitching and bragging that it got the attention of one particular Servant that no one wants to have willingly.
Shuten Doji was not one you can casually get the attention of, or rather getting her interest and living up to said attention, because by god, I don't want to think about what would happen if you do and fail to impress her.
BUT THESE DUMBASSES, and I FUCKING STRESS THE WORD DUMBASSES, not only got her attention but made a freaking deal that if they manage to please her, then she'll be the Servant of the one to please her the most.
Holy fuck, I wondered if these idiots decided to have a death wish, and to be honest, I wish they were dead. Because quite frankly, they'll make sure that the world has more air for people that actually need it. See, they predictably failed, NOW they were about to pay the deal for failing to please her UNTIL ONE OF THOSE IDIOTS DECIDED TO THROW ME INTO THEIR DAMN LOT.
And that led me to stand in front of the Oni who was staring at me like a Cheshire cat, lazing about in her room as she had Jeffery and the others in chains. Now I wouldn't give two shits about these idiots and would leave them to die, BUT THESE FUCKING ASSHOLES worded the deal so badly? or good in their case that me and Deirdre count as being 'part of their group' that would please her.
MOTHERFUCKER, I'M ABOUT TO START A GENOCIDE ON THESE ASSHATS, HOLY FUCKING CHRIST, I THINK I MIGHT GET A PASS FROM GOD HIMSELF IF HE SAW WHAT I WAS BEING PUT THROUGH RIGHT NOW.
Anyways, seeing I'm still writing this means that I'm still kicking, so that's that. Now I didn't do like these idiots and gave her sex or something asinine like that. See, since the wording was that I had to please her, I knew that I didn't need to make the obviously stupid choice, and with that, I decided to do something at least different from the others, and I had Shuten give me a bit to prepare, which she graciously granted.
So I ran my ass towards the kitchen and quickly grabbed EMIYA, which garnered the attention of the Servants there and had him project a large hibachi grill for me and the clothing for it.
Yeah… let's just say I've had a few interesting jobs in my old life.
Anyways, Shuten was no doubt intrigued as I did a Hibachi-style cooking for her, even somehow managing to use the food to tell the story of the first Prototype game…
Look, I was on a time limit, and this came to my mind first.
Anyways, she was pleased and somewhat satisfied with the whole thing, which was a massive relief on my end, though that was before I realized now that she had become my Servant, or at least a shared Servant because there's no way she would betray the twins.
So yay, good news is I survived, bad news is that I've piqued Shuten's attention that she would be willing to be partially my Servant.
Gudako was having a hoot when she and a few others came by to see what was going on, and let's just say I've got a few new students wanting to learn how to do hibachi, which added to my now growing workload.
At least the director doubled my pay, so there's that.
Right now I'm dead tired and ready to go to sleep right now, so later all.
28/07
God, I know you can hear me, so please save your poor lamb from Quetz and Shuten in my bed right now.
Or at least give me better hips and stamina.