…Rage Of The Black Dragon…
Warnings: This chapter contains:- a little bit of sadness, a little bit of angst, crying, darkness, mention of suicide and murder, mention of mental health issues, possessiveness, fluff, and Aang being a sad boy before Zuko makes everything better! All reviews are appreciated.
P.P.S.: This is an Omegaverse story as in Alpha/Beta/Omega dynamic, with Alpha Aang and Omega Zuko, so you have been warned! And it is also a time travel one! The titles that would be used for the Omegaverse dynamic in this story, are from the Chinese fandom (As the story would have many customs and cultures from southern and eastern Asia; China specifically):-
Alpha - Qianyuan
Omega - Kunze
Beta – Zhongyong
P.P.P.S: This is a dark (And I mean really dark!) story that takes place in the ALTA's timeline (The original show, not the live adaptation, but who knows, maybe I will add a pointer or two from the NATLA after I watch it?) to some extent but with many major changes such as Aang being aged up to sixteen and Zuko being OOC; this story is also the first part of the series that would follow the first chapter but diverge after a certain point.
Chapter 5
"WOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOO!"
Sokka's screams could be heard all over the ship, and not for the thousandth time that day, Aang almost facepalm so hard, that a permanent red print was left on his face. "This ship is so awesome!" Aang let out an embarrassed breath, turning to the Kunze to apologize for his friends' conduct and the embarrassment they caused everyone by the way they acted.
Instead of being annoyed or angry by the fact that Sokka was making a nuisance out of himself, Zuko had an amused smile on his face as he saw his friend running around the place, touching everything in sight and 'Awe'-ing and 'Ah'-ing at everything. "Let him be," Zuko whispered when he no doubt noticed the look on Aang's face, and not for the thousandth time, Aang thanked the Spirits above for how kind and understanding Zuko was; when no doubt any other person disregarding their secondary nature, would have had enough of the way his friends were acting.
"This place is so cool!" Sokka jumped around, almost falling from the ship if not for Lieutenant Jee taking hold of him from the back of his shirt, and even then, his friend continued to shout 'Awesome', 'Amazing', and 'Cool' disregarding his safety and the mental wellbeing of the crew beside him.
"You know… I… um… I don't mind taking them to the Northern Pole on Appa's back…" Aang said, once more wincing and mouthing the word 'Sorry' again when they heard a crash coming from Sokka's direction, as the man went exploring inside the ship, causing many sounds related to something crashing or breaking to be heard.
"All is fine, young Avatar," Iroh said as he poured tea for everyone with a happy look not even a spec of anger on his face; Aang couldn't help but wonder how the Qianyuan was so chill while his ship was being destroyed by Sokka who wouldn't sit still for the life of him. "Young mind must be nourished… that, and it would be counterproductive to go separately when there is only one destination." Iroh smiled as he offered chamomile tea to everyone on the table.
Aang smiled, accepting the tea with a 'Thank you' and throwing Katara a scolding look when he saw her not moving to take the cup from the older man; a second or two of glaring harshly, made the girl finally accept the cup with a disgruntled 'Thanks', which did nothing but made Aang flush with embarrassment at how Katara was still disrespectful and a little brat when facing the kindness offered to them by Zuko and his uncle.
It had been a couple of days since Aang and his friends had decided to restart their journey once more, with their destination of heading to the Northern Pole in their mind. At that time, part of Aang was reluctant to leave Kyoshi Island behind, wanting to spend more time on the island; even when he knew he didn't have much time left and that he needed to reach the North. A couple of days since Aang finally gathered the courage to tell Chief Oyaji and the Kyoshi Warriors about his decision, even when a major part of him was protesting and was finding an excuse after the other to stay in Kyoshi and not leave (A couple of days, since Aang had to war with himself about telling Zuko of his departure, even when everything inside Aang was shriveling and protesting; telling him to stay with Zuko and never leave his side… which was so, so strange, because how did Aang become attached to someone, even if they were a Kunze, after just three meetings?).
A couple of days since Aang resigned to the crushing feeling that consumed him at the thought of leaving and heading to the North, wondering what kind of adventures he would face on their journey… imagined his surprise and delight when Suki looked surprised and happy when she told him 'Oh? So, are you and Zuko leaving for the Northern Pole together? Damn, that Fancy Fingers move fast!' Aang knew that Suki meant something else by her words, way different than what Aang had meant by his, but getting the confirmation that Zuko was also heading to the North and that the two of them may possibly meet later, Aang was delighted, and a heavy boulder Aang didn't know he was carrying was removed from his back.
After that, Aang went to tell Zuko of his departure, happy that the two of them would meet now and then during their journey, being happy that he would see Zuko even after the two of them went on their separate ways. One thing led to another after finding the Kunze, and even Aang didn't truly know what happened; all Aang knew, by the end of their meeting, Aang had unconsciously? Against his will? By the direction of a higher being? He didn't truly know, but by the end, Aang had agreed to travel with Zuko and his uncle on their ship, and head to the Northern Water Tribes.
Aang was dazed the whole time, and he didn't even remember much of their conversation, only the fact that worry and sadness had painted Zuko's face when he told him about his departure; sadness that made Aang scramble around like a headless chicken, doing everything in his capability to erase such look, even if it meant that Aang would accept traveling with the Kunze from now on… needless to say, when Aang told Katara and Sokka about his plan, all hell broke loose…
While Sokka didn't care much about their way of travel (And even seemed to have warmed up to Zuko and his uncle, courtesy of Suki who took it upon herself to plant the respect of Kunzes into Sokka) he was still cautious and had pulled Aang aside and asked him several times if he was sure about his decision, and if he knew the dangers of allowing such thing to happen; Aang had to assure his friend that they were fine, that nothing was going to happen, and that Zuko was trustworthy, only then did Sokka let the topic be, content to let things play as how they were as he went to prepare for their departure.
Katara on the other hand… the less said the better, as the little girl had blown up on Aang and later Sokka when the two of them had voted to go with Zuko and his crew to the North; till now, Katara was still acting like a disrespectful brat, even when Aang, Suki, (And hell even Sokka!) had tried to talk with her and tell her to behave.
Having said their goodbyes to the Kyoshi Warriors, Chief Oyaji, and the Kyoshi people, Aang was content to travel on the Fire Nation ship, mainly because it would be a better strategy to stay undercover because a Fire Nation vessel was a better transportation method than a Flying Bison that would bring all sort of attention toward them… if only Katara understood this, and stop being petty.
This all led them to this moment; with Aang sitting beside Zuko and Iroh, enjoying an impromptu tea party (Which Aang would learn later, that Iroh would always host tea parties weekly with music nights, and Pai Sho tournaments at the drop of a hat with no one being able to stop him, even his nephew), feeling greatly embarrassed and a step away from dunking himself in the ocean, when Katara continued to glare at everyone and anyone with a sour look, and Sokka pounded toward them loudly with a pleased look on his face as he carried on his back what looked like an engine from the ship, and having an exasperated Lieutenant Jee trailing behind him while muttering something under his breath.
"This place is amazing!" Sokka exclaimed cheerfully, finally taking a seat and putting the scrap of metal beside him, looking too elated and a step away from vibrating in his seat. "Compared to the destroyed ship near Wolf Cove, this ship is awesome! Aang, look at this engine! Even when compared to the ship you had to go inside and send a flare from…" And here, Aang almost slid down his chair from embarrassment and shame. "It's so different, and the mechanism is different too!" Sokka crossed his arms over his chest and started rubbing his chin with his left hand while gazing at the engine with excitement.
A chuckle was heard from Zuko, who had an amused smile on his lips (And softness in his eyes, that made Aang's heart skip a beat or two before he had to force himself to act nonchalantly, even when he felt his hands sweating and his heart pounding). "I see, that you are interested in engineering." Zuko hummed, his words made Sokka pause for a bit before he shifted uncomfortably in his seat, sliding away from the engine.
"Nah! Nope! No such thing! I am more interested in warrior stuff! Yeah! Warrior stuff!" Sokka laughed uncomfortably, and Aang couldn't help but frown a little; he wondered why his friend would feel so uncomfortable when someone pointed out his interest and switched the subject, when for the past Spirits above know how many hours, Sokka had run around the ship with sparkling eyes and awe shining clearly on his face.
"That's nice and all." Zuko hummed, gazing at Sokka long and hard with narrow eyes. "But it also doesn't mean that the people should suppress and mold themselves to others' wish, instead of their own." Aang smiled at that, giving Zuko a grateful smile for his words, as he felt his heart melt at such kind and encouraging words from the Kunze who seemed to have found the problem.
"Why do you care?" Katara snorted, her words made Aang frown harshly, and send Katara a look, which was met with a huff and crossed arms from the girl who looked away, not looking apologetic at all; Aang could only wonder why Katara was acting like this… so… so bratty and annoying, when from the start, Zuko was nothing but kind and accommodating to them and their demands.
Zuko, Spirits above bless his kind heart, only let out a hum, not commenting, even when Katara's words sent the calm atmosphere into an awkward silence, as many Fire Nation crew frowned harshly at her but didn't scold her because Zuko and Iroh didn't reprimand her.
"Zhī jǐ zhī bǐ, bǎi zhàn bù dài." After a while of silence, Iroh finally spoke, his words making Sokka (And Katara) frown in confusion, unfamiliar with this idiom like Aang and Zuko, being from the Southern Pole and not from the Mainland. "It means, know yourself, know your enemy, and you will never be defeated in a hundred battles." Iroh poured Sokka a cup of tea, a smile on his face as he gave the teen his cup. "To understand your own strengths and weaknesses is a true blessing that would bring you highs unmatched." Iroh then took a sip of his own cup, letting out a happy sigh. "The world is full of people who think they know what they should be, rare are those who know what they want to be." Sokka had a thoughtful look on his face as he heard these words, even when there was a trace of hesitation on his face.
"Just imagine this Sokka!" Aang decided to speak and push his friend in the right direction of never being forced to make a choice he would regret all of his life (Like Aang, whose life from the start was nothing but guilt and shame and regrets; all mixed together in a package that made him feel useless and helpless day after day, after day), giving his friend a wide grin. "There are so many warriors nowadays that it isn't even fun, but an Engineer/Warrior/plan-making guy? Now that would be epic!" Aang cheered Sokka up, feeling elated when he saw delight shining in his friend's eyes; it didn't take long before Sokka puffed his chest, and started to exclaim about his greatness, making Aang roll his eyes subtly but smile at how happy his friend was.
"Our next port is near Omashu. There are many amazing engineers over there, one even known as 'The Mechanic', a genius unmatched; if you want, we could go there and talk to him." Zuko suddenly said, his words summoning many reactions from the people sitting at the table; a pleasant and thoughtful look from Iroh, an elated and happy look from Sokka, a harsh frown from Katara, as for Aang? He truly didn't know what to feel, not when a bittersweet feeling took hold of his heart as he remembered the friends he had and left there, a hundred years ago…
Omashu… huh…
If there was one fixed truth that would never be erased from the world no matter how many tried; if there was a known fact, as known as the sun rising from the east and sitting in the west, of how the water was wet and the sun was hot. Then it would be Zuko's ability to find his beloved no matter where he decided to hide. Be it in the deserts of the Earth Kingdom where everyone could get lost and not even the bones could be found or through the ice and desolated lands of the Northern and Southern Water Tribes; in the abandoned Air Temples where the history was lost to the sand of time and nothing was left after everything was burned to the ground, or in the Fire Nation's villages and towns where many could get lost through the crowd and would managed to change their faces as well as their names to start a new life. Through it all, like a fixed pillar that would never be destroyed, Zuko's ability to find his beloved when he decided to run away, remained true even in this lifetime.
It should have been known that Zuko when he decided to set his mind on something, no matter how absurd and mythical it would sound; in the end, Zuko would achieve the impossible when many had failed before him. To survive when he was supposed to die, and when his father set his mind on destroying him in every way he could; to find the Avatar when everyone knew this was nothing but a wild goose chase because the Avatar had vanished for a hundred years, never to be found again. To regain his honor when everyone around him (Other than his uncle) believed he had lost it the day he refused to fight during that cursed Agni Kai; to be able to do good, to choose right, when everyone (Excluding his beloved, and uncle) believed he never had a grain of good in his heart.
It should have been known that Zuko when he decided to do something, would follow it to the end, no matter how long it would take, or how impossible it seemed to be. Aang would have known and even attested to that fact, because didn't the two of them fall in love and get married when everyone around them believed they would end up killing each other in the end?
So, when his beloved came to him a few days ago telling him about his departure to the Northern Water Tribes without Zuko? Zuko knew then and there, that his mother's acting lesson would come in hand (To hide his obsession with his beloved, to hide his terror at the thought of losing Aang when the two of them had only been reunited recently; to hide the fury at the thought of his beloved leaving, the madness and self-doubt that took hold of him and squeezed tightly as nasty voices whispered in his mind that he was never enough, and because of that his beloved was leaving him). Needless to say, this Aang, even if he was his beloved, still hadn't learned all of Zuko's quirks and hidden cues, not being able to fully differentiate between Zuko's black soul and mad heart, and the front of the kind and benevolent Kunze that was build during his travels by people who saw only the bright side of the moon without even knowing about the dark side hidden behind the mask.
His beloved was none the wiser about Zuko almost snapping then and there and marking him so he would never even think of leaving him behind like his Aang seemed to be fond of doing recently. His Aang would never know the excruciating power of will that Zuko had exercised when he acted like the distraught Kunze and not how he truly wanted to act and say, which would possibly scare his mate completely and make him pull away, or worse run somewhere as far away as he could (Not that it had worked in the past, as Zuko, no matter where his beloved would run off to, he would always manage to find him in the end).
So, in the end, Zuko could only hide the dark, and bring on the light, knowing when the time was right to act, and when it was better to use the sweet act of a Kunze on his beloved; knowing that Aang was too kindhearted and good to think that someone would dare to do something as despicable as tricking him. So, Zuko used the skills his mother taught him once upon a time when she decided to be a mother before she left him for death in the viper nest that was the palace; no doubt running away to start a new and happy life, as far away from her mad husband, useless son, and disturbing daughter (And does Zuko even have the heart to blame her? If it was Zuko in her place? If he had met Aang before everything and anything, wouldn't he have done the same and run away with his beloved? Had he not thought of just stealing his husband away, and escaping somewhere as far away from here, where they would start new lives with new names and new faces away from the war?).
So, Zuko played his role dutifully, showing only fear and concern for his beloved (Emotions that weren't fake but didn't mean that the rest of his thoughts and darker moods had to be shown… not yet at least) as he tried to convince his beloved of coming with him, instead of going on Appa on an insane journey that would take a long time (The jealousy and possessiveness at the thought of his beloved meeting new people and getting closer to Katara during his journey -or anyone else for the matter- was enough to rear its ugly head, and he had to try so hard not to let anything show up on his face).
The only perks of having an actress of a mother, a despicable scumbag as a biological father, and an insane sister who was amazing at gaslighting; was that when Zuko wanted, he could emulate their act quite perfectly. To manipulate and trick people with a demure front; to hide a knife behind his back and to wait until others' guards were down to strike, to know when to bring more people with sweet words and a kind front, and when to be like a bitch and step on those opposing him. They were all skills that Zuko had learned from his wretched family, but hid them quite well behind a front of honesty and honor, so as to not disappoint his uncle and beloved, who were kind, good, and honest; but hiding them doesn't necessarily mean that he forgot about them… not in the slightest.
So Zuko played his role well, too well. He got his beloved to come with him out of his own will, even if it took a few nudges, and careful manipulative tricks he learned from his Oh-So-Beloved Sister; he managed to soften Sokka's attitude toward him with the help of Suki, and by doing so, managed to slightly direct him to a huge hidden strength Sokka had always had, early on in their journey, knowing that if Sokka started learning under Sai 'The Mechanic' earlier than their past life, then his friend would reach highs unmatched (Sai, the man Zuko managed to find in the Northern Air Temple, all thanks to his beloved's tales of his wild journey with his friends. Sai, the man who made those war balloons and many devices that were the winning cards in his scumbag of a father's plan of dominating the world. Sai, the man Zuko managed to persuade into joining his side and offer him protection behind the walls of Omashu, as the man worked with them to help them overthrow the Fire Lord instead of living his life in fear, serving the Fire Lord. Sai, the man who would teach Sokka, and this time, without the fear of the man turning to be a traitor to protect his son, not when his people were already protected by both the Earth Kingdom and Zuko's many spies) that would enable them to win this stupid war, unlike last time.
So Zuko played his role, too well, that no one, not even his uncle managed to discover how he was one breath closer to destroying Katara and erasing her from existence; too well, Zuko managed to play his role, as he closed his eyes and let out a hum of acknowledgment every time Katara spoke or acted spoiled, never once replied to her scathed remarks or pitiful attempts at playing the victim, instead he ignored her and when he wanted someone to deal with her, he would act like her words had hurt him too deep to know how to respond to her provocation, instead of planning on killing her in 234 different ways (Because once a traitor, always a traitor, and Katara's betrayal was one of the worse kind… she was the one who managed to free Aang from the ice, she was the one who followed him from the start and protected him, she was the one who was always there for him, and the one who fell in love first, and then, just when they fought with Azula and Zuko was shot full of lightening -All because Katara decided to insert herself into their fight when Zuko repeatedly told her to stay away- she turned her back on them and betray them? Betray Aang? The one she claimed was her beloved?! Zuko was many things -A murdered with a cold heart, an insane piece of shit with a darkness that would make people run away shrieking in fear, a disgusting creature that should have been killed a long time ago, a madman with no plan to repent even when facing divine judgment, a dog from a wretched bloodline and origin- but even he wouldn't have bit the hand that extended to him in acceptance and love or discarded his honor and betray his principles), Zuko was content to let Aang and Sokka scold her with their harsh looks and even harsher words when no one was there to see, every time this happened.
So, Zuko played his role, acted as properly as everything around him demanded, and manipulated the scene around him with the expertise of a director who directed the play, and as soon as Omashu was mentioned? Zuko watched from the corner of his eye how his beloved stiffened, and how he seemed to tune down their conversation; too lost, and in pain when his past was mentioned, and the consequences of his past actions came to make an appearance, knowing that it was now, that Zuko could make his move to either deepen his bond with his beloved, or at the least make him question his morality.
If there was one fact that would transcend time and space; it was that no matter where Aang ran and hid, Zuko would always manage to find him in the end, even to the end of the world and through the veil that separated the Spirit from the mortals, just like Zuko did that night.
"Can't sleep?" Zuko asked his beloved when the moon was at its zenith; the ship was quiet at this time, no one was around the deck, as everyone was sound asleep in their beds; few were those who were still awake to do their routines before bed at this hour, and even fewer who would stay up to direct the ship to their destination.
Aang, his beloved, who as always ran to the highest point there was (Where the air was fresh and cold, expanding the lungs and chilling their surrounding; a place where the air would soothe and calm the nerves, and offer his beloved a sanctuary, even if it was for a few hours before he was forced to face the world), turned to Zuko's direction, surprise painted his face before that surprise was replaced with a smile, and something so soft, Zuko couldn't help feeling warmth engulfing him at being at the end of such look. "I should be the one asking this question," Aang replied, a parody of their night in Kyoshi, bringing a soft smile to Zuko's face.
It wasn't until Zuko took a seat beside his beloved, leaning on the metal wall behind him that he said. "I was worried about you." Making his beloved look at him with shock, clearly not knowing what to do with such a bold declaration. "Ever since Omashu was mentioned this morning…" Zuko let his words hang in the air, watching his beloved's face closely, looking at how sadness and pain flickered in those grey-blue eyes before his beloved masked his emotions.
"I… it's nothing…" Aang managed to choke these words out, making the Kunze frown wondering how affected his beloved really was; it took all of Zuko's willpower to stop himself from pulling Aang into his arms and comforting him. Forcing himself to chant 'It is not the time' to stop himself from acting like he always did when he saw his beloved this sad, knowing that it wasn't the time to be too familiar with Aang. "Just… just forget it… please?" Aang begged, his words bringing nothing but pain and heartbreak into Zuko's heart, who never wanted to see his beloved like this, even if it was meant to further his plans.
"Aang… what's wrong?" Not being able to handle the disheartened look on his beloved's face anymore, Zuko took hold of his beloved's hand in his, running his thumb gently over the knuckles, summoning a hitched breath from the Qianyuan. "You know you can tell me anything, right?" Zuko's voice was gentle, concern shone in his eyes, and his scent was nothing but calm and soothing, disarming his beloved who slumped and looked at their intertwined hands.
"I… I don't even know what I am doing anymore…" Aang let out a tired sigh, leaning on the metal behind him, looking so lost and in pain; Zuko almost pulled his husband into his embrace and damned everything before he managed to control and force himself to be content with giving Aang's hand a gentle squeeze. "All of this… I… I don't know what I should think… hearing about what happened to the other nations from Suki… being reminded that Omashu… that… my friends… were forced to fight a war for decades upon decades, because I wasn't there… maybe even dying… I… I guess it was too much…" Aang whispered, unconsciously clutching Zuko's hand tightly. "I never wanted to be the Avatar… I never wanted to hold such a position… not when… I… I just wanted to have a normal life; you know?" Zuko let out a gentle hum, running his thumb over Aang's knuckles in comfort.
"I know what you mean…" Zuko mumbled, giving his beloved a reassuring smile. "To be free from the shackles of responsibility, to be able to live a normal and happy life away from who you were and what you are destined to be…" Zuko hummed. "...love, marriage, family… to have all of this without the condemnation of being the Prince of the Fire Nation to poison such blessings… be able to live normally and not have the contempt of people from every nation just because I am the son of the Fire Lord… it looks like a nice dream… but sadly, we can't run away from our responsibilities... not forever at least…" That summoned a sigh from Aang who looked so sad, Zuko's heart hurt.
"Sometimes… I wish that there was just someone who would tell me what to do… how to be the Avatar that everyone wanted me to be." Aang looked so helpless and angry as he said these words, likely he never wanted to admit such weakness to anyone out there, but at the same time, he needed to say something, or all these words would fester and poison him from the inside.
"Aang… be…" Zuko almost let the word 'Beloved' slip from between his lips before he managed to bite his tongue and take a deep breath, formulating his reply to stop himself from being exposed; while at the same time, knowing this was his chance, but being hesitant to act on it because… because this was Aang! "No one can tell you how to be the Avatar…" Zuko ended up saying watching as Aang's face fell.
"I… of course they can… if they just…" Aang's voice cracked. "If they just told me what to do… then what happened to the Air Nomads… it wouldn't happen again… I… if they just… then I would have been able to save them… and…" Zuko could only gaze at his beloved with pained eyes, two sides warring within his soul; one was demanding that he comfort his beloved and wipe his sorrower away, while the other, the darker side of him, hissed and told him that this was it… that Zuko could finally reach Aang and force him to shed his stupid morality that cost them their daughter (But no matter how much of a wretched creature Zuko was; no matter how low he fell into the darkness of the abyss, and how disgusting he became as he drenched himself in blood and sin… to take advantage of his beloved in such state; Zuko would rip his heart with both of his hands than dare to do such thing).
"Aang…" Zuko's breath hitched and he had to swallow before he forced the next words to leave his throat. "You couldn't have done anything… if you had stayed with the Air Nomads… you couldn't have stopped the Fire Nation, and you couldn't have stopped the war… You would have just died along with everyone else." Zuko could only watch the stricken look on Aang's face, as his beloved looked like someone had slapped him in the face, tears of despair and denial shining in his eyes.
"I… need to go…" Aang suddenly said, his voice cracking as he tried to stand up and no doubt run away; not wanting to have this conversation, not now, not ever. A conversation that even in the past, his beloved refused to have and would always act like he was fine, even when his heart was grinding into fine pieces of glass; big enough to hurt, but not big enough to be glued back together.
Zuko could only tighten his grip on Aang's hand and pull him to sit down once more, clutching his beloved's hand with his own, while his free hand touched his husband's cheek gently, directing his sight to Zuko. "It was not your fault; it was never your fault. Back then… if you had stayed, you would have been killed. Aang, you wouldn't have been able to do a thing, and then… what happened to the Air Nomads would happen once more, it happened to the Water Tribes, it would have happened to the Earth Kingdom… until the Avatar ended up being born in the Fire Nation, and then… then no one would be safe from the super soldier the Fire Nation would have created." Tears ran down his beloved's face, breaking Zuko's heart into tiny pieces as he saw his husband suffer before his very own eyes but not being able to do a thing.
"But… because of me… thousands of people have died…" Suppressed sobs and hitched breaths left his beloved's chest, bringing nothing but agony to Zuko's soul, as he wiped his beloved's tears; bringing his husband into his embrace, not being able to handle it anymore, wanting to hide his beloved in his arms.
"And millions more would have met their demise if you had stayed behind." A sob left Aang's chest as he choked something under his breath, leaning down to hide his face in Zuko's chest, his shoulders shaking as he tried to control his cries. "Aang, it wasn't your fault… so let it go." Zuko hummed gently, patting his beloved's back, and tried to comfort his sensitive husband; the man who always had a smile on his face, but hid so much pain and hurt under those smiles. The man who wasn't able to grieve his father figure, nor was he able to grieve his people before he was thrust into a war, that took and took and left everyone hollowed. "It's ok, Aang, everything is going to be fine…" Zuko reassured his beloved, holding him tight in his arms… Because I will make sure of it this time… Zuko smiled darkly, letting out a comforting hum…
Just wait a bit, beloved, and then we could have our vengeance…
Walking through the streets of Omashu, Aang could only take deep breaths and close his eyes momentarily, trying to stop the nostalgic feeling that engulfed him from crashing him down. As much as sadness had taken hold of his heart as he saw the obvious changes that took place during his one hundred years of sleep; Aang was truly joyful as he saw that Omashu, even when the war continued to reign destruction on everything in its path, Omashu continued to stand tall and proud in the face of such crisis.
That alone brought Aang hope and happiness as he walked through the street, a small albeit sad smile on his face as he saw the places that he used to play in or the places he caused mischief within, his mind going to his friend from Omashu, and he couldn't help but wonder what happened to Bumi in those one hundred years.
Did he survive? Did he fight in the war? Did he confess to the Zhongyong girl he always liked back then and would follow shyly from behind but never approach? Did he have kids? Grandkids? A family? Or did he die too young to achieve any of his dreams? Question after question invaded Aang's mind, and his heart was uneasy as he was too terrified by the answer, not wanting to be told, but at the same time, he wanted to know what happened to his friends… he wanted to know what happened to Bumi, what happened to Kuzon, what happened to his many friends from all around the nations back then.
As Aang walked through the streets of Omashu reminiscing about a past long gone; as they followed Iroh to the royal palace of the King, who Iroh mentioned warmly as an amazing Pai Sho partner and an eccentric guy. As Aang entered the throne room and was greeted by a familiar scent and familiar eyes, that froze him in his place as he saw the man sitting on the throne look at Aang with surprise and pleasant look.
"Bumi?"
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
"I am sorry… I am sorry… it was… if only I… I…"
"Ugh, you and that self-blame and every other thing that ends with issues attached to it."
"But, Bumi…"
"You wouldn't have been able to do anything, and that's that, the end."
Silence, suppressed tears, and then…
"You would have died Aang…. There was nothing that you could have done to stop anything, you would have died, and if you did… well, better not think of that, too depressing for me…. Ayah! Are you crying? What for?! I should be the one crying from how my joints hurt, not you, you little brat!"
Choked laugh mixed with a sob, before…
"…Tell me about yourself… what have you been up to these… one hundred years…"
"Ha! You little rascal! Do you think I don't know that you are planning on gathering blackmailing material? Like that one time when…! But anyway, my greatness will inform you that I… and… after that… remember that girl from before? Yeah, Ling… and here… children… Ba Sing Se… and after all of that… not even a visit! Ungrateful brats! …you! Never have children! So annoying… grandchildren… and even then, they… ugh!"
Laughter filled the room, soft smiles were exchanged, and gradually, Aang felt happy… content…
"And Kuzon?"
A deafening silence suddenly swiped over the room; the smile on Aang's face fell as he saw how Bumi shifted uncomfortably in his seat.
"Bumi?"
A whisper, a plea, and Bumi could only let out a tired sigh.
"He died Aang… died not a year later after you went missing… killed himself in fact."
"What…?"
"…You know he was a Kunze…"
"Of course, I know; who wouldn't, but what does-?"
"He got betrothed to Azulon…"
Silence, utter silence, as shock rendered Aang speechless.
"And well… Kuzon was always the vengeful and petty one between our friends, you know, a Hotman with a hot temper? Heh… after what happened to the Air Nomads, you can say that crazy level went through the roof… honestly, I don't even know what you and Azulon saw in him when that Kunze was crazy… waaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyy crazier than me; but each their own I guess."
"Bumi… please…"
"Ah? Oh! Yeah! Anyway, Kuzon went crazy and had this insane idea about assassinating the Fire Nation royalty, and what better way than to kill Azulon on their wedding day? Which was edgy and praiseworthy I admit, even if crazy and unnecessary mind you… In the aftermath, he manages to cripple Sozin, kill many nobles, and almost kill Azulon; a great boost for morality as this gave many the strength to fight back… but well… Kuzon wouldn't be Kuzon if he wasn't petty and love to make people suffer, and making Azulon suffer was his goal from the start, so he killed himself in front of that bastard; you should have heard the news back then! That white flower Azulon was so shocked and distraught he went into seclusion for ten years before he even thought about… Aang?"
"I… see…"
"Aang? Aang! Wait come back! You rascal stop right there!"
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
But Aang didn't, he never did, because this was the only thing, he was good at; running, always running, no matter where he was and wherever he would go, this was the only thing he knew how to do. Running away and causing his people to get killed; running away and making Kuzon kill himself when he could have lived happily. Running and ruining Bumi's life and forcing the man to become what he never wanted; making him abandon his dreams of being an inventor to become a King and fight in a stupid war, running and…
"Aang?" The familiar voice of Zuko made Aang stop, and he could only turn to the Kunze who had an alarmed look on his face as he rushed toward Aang. "Aang, what happened? What…?!" The warm hands that wiped the tears away, were all it took before Aang broke down, leaning on Zuko's shoulder as he cried like a child once more.
Just for a little bit… Aang wanted to feel like he was home…
…(Zuko smelled like home… A home Aang used to have, a home that was taken away from him a long time ago; a home that Aang thought he had lost to the sand of time and would never find again, no matter how many years had passed, and Aang scourged the Mortal and Spirit realms trying to find and no doubt fail in his quest.
Zuko smelled like home… A home so long gone, that at the first scent of it, emotions welled up inside Aang, as he tried to force himself to accept the fact that his home was destroyed long ago; a hundred years ago, when Aang decided to take the coward's way out and run away, forsaking everyone in the hope of a few moments of calm to be able to mourn and weep for the loss of the only father figure that loved and cared about him when everyone else wanted him dead, and condemned him for what he was before it was known he was the Avatar.
The scent of sandalwood and spice… a scent so intertwined in Aang's whole being ever since he was young that Aang couldn't help his shamelessness as he buried his face in the Kunze's chest, suppressing his wails and sobs as he took big breaths, trying to take more of that scent that meant home and safety in a time such thing was only a stupid fantasy to be had.
The scent of sandalwood, the scent of safety and home that Aang had known since he was nothing but a tiny brat, abandoned in fear of bringing nothing but misfortune and misery to everyone who came near him. The scent of sandalwood, the scent of the incense that was always lit in the temples of Lung-ta, where Aang had known ever since he was a child was opened to his kind (The bad ones, the unwanted ones, the ones who would bring nothing but misfortune and misery) day and night, offering a safe place to rest when everyone else wanted him gone.
The scent of sandalwood, the scent of safety and home, that Aang was used to, ever since he was a child hiding in Lung-ta's temples, gazing at the statues of Lung-ta with wide and wondering eyes, as he whispered small 'Sorry' every time he took one of the offerings on the table just to appease the gnawing hunger that would never leave. The scent of sandalwood, which Aang associated with acceptance and safety as Aang would hide in the temples to listen to the monks and caretakers talk about Lung-ta, the God of mercy and love; forever accepting and loving those under his care without discrimination or hate. Lung-ta, who flow high in the skies, bringing a prosperous age full of abundance and safety as people cared for each other and loved each other, living in a world with no hatred and fear. The scent of sandalwood, the scent of Lung-ta, of acceptance, of love, of second chances…
The scent of sandalwood… was also the scent of the Southern Air Temple… the scent of the incense that was used day and night, for offerings, rituals, and prayers. The scent of children laughing and playing, of friends and gentle smiles; the scent of sandalwood, the scent that saturated the pavilions and halls of the temple, bringing forth calm and tranquil air that would calm the nerves and heal the mind. The scent of sandalwood, the scent that was associated with late nights spent reading and discussing books, of gentle hands, patting his head in pride, of Pai Sho games that were filled with laughter and tricky moves to cheat. The scent of second chances, of acceptance, of home…
And then there was the scent of spice… the scent that Aang associated with love… the scent that reminded Aang of a man long gone, who one day came into an abandoned temple of Lung-ta and offered the unwanted brat living there a new chance. The scent of spice, that meant gentleness and love, of kindness that was never dimmed even after the years passed and the hardship slammed into him one after the other.
The scent of spice, reminded Aang, of gentle eyes that were always smiling, of a man born with a smile on his face, who took care of an unwanted child and taught him everything there was, even when many had pulled the man aside and told him to abandon Aang because he was nothing but a misfortune… the scent of spice, the scent of a man who Aang saw as a father, a mother, an older brother, and a dear friend all in one; the scent of love and kindness, that opened Aang's eyes and told him that there was still some good left in this world.
The scent of spice… the scent of Gyatso … the scent of nights spent in happiness, of pranks pulled on stuffy Elders that brought joy and laughter; of a scent accompanying the fruit pies that Gyatso always made for them either to eat or to prank those mean Elders who really should learn something or two from Monk Gyatso. The scent of spice that was there when Aang mastered Air Bending when he was given his tattoos, and when he was told he was the Avatar at the age of twelve.
The scent of spice and love, that was there when Aang wanted to run away from the temple when he heard the monks wanted to send him away, only to be found by Gyatso and reassured by him that nothing like this would ever happen… and he was true to his words, Monk Gyatso was always true to his words… until he died, and then there was never the scent of spice that brought kindness and love…
The scent of sandalwood and spice, of acceptance, of love, of safety, of kindness, and everything good… the scent of home… A scent that Aang never thought he would smell again after waking up a hundred years in the future, in a world that was ravaged by war, hate, and despair, all because of Aang, who was too cowardly to stay home and accept his destiny he was forced into.
A scent that left Aang confused and conflicted when he smelled it for the first time on a Kunze that everyone repeatedly told him was supposed to be an enemy… sandalwood and spice, the scent of second chances; Aang didn't even know what to think the first time he took a step in the Fire Nation ship, feeling so wary but safe, even when he knew he shouldn't let his emotions cloud his judgment… in the end, Aang to his delight was proven right, and the Kunze who smelled like home, was the kindest that Aang met.
And could someone blame him? When the walls Aang tried to build around his heart to toughen it up, just broke down and crumbled into dust when facing the person who smelled like home? Could Aang really blame himself for spilling the secrets he promised to keep so deep in his soul, that no one was allowed to hear? Could he really hate himself for breaking down and spilling everything, when he was faced with a scent he thought long gone?
Aang never wanted to be the Avatar, this was a fact known by all; every person who lived in the Southern Air Temple knew of that fact. Aang never wanted to be the Avatar, his dreams and ambitions were simple, just him living a content life with no regrets; he never aspired to be someone so above everyone else and be considered akin to a God.
Aang never wanted to be the Avatar, he never wanted to be a genius, once-in-a-lifetime talented Air Bender, he never wanted to be a Master at the age of twelve; Aang just wanted to live his life contently, with friends and people who would accept him as who he was, that goofy kid who always embarrassed himself even when he tried not to.
Aang never wanted to be the Avatar, he never wanted to be isolated because of what he was supposed to be, and trained vigorously day and night to control his Air Bending that was always on the side of explosive and rarely calm after he knew what everyone was expected him to be; he never wanted to be forced to live a life full of regrets and isolation, because of the big decisions he would be forced to make just so that he could bring balance and peace to the nations.
Aang never wanted to be the Avatar…
But he was, he is, he would always be… and Aang? Aang doesn't know what to do…
'Can someone tell me what to do? Please? ' Aang wanted to beg, he wanted someone to just tell him what to do and end this madness so that Aang would be able to at least live with the false illusion that everything would be alright even when deep down he knew it wasn't.
Save the people, kill the Fire Lord, and bring balance back. Aang knew that everyone was counting on him to do just that, even when every part of him shriveled and shied away from such things, not being able to do what everyone was expecting of him; not only because of the Air Nomads' way of life… but because if he did… if he deviated from his vows of being a monk… then all those nasty things everyone accused him of when he was nothing but a street rat would be true… it would be true… and if it was true, then…. Then….
So Aang asked Zuko, he told him his secrets and he asked him, part of him was resigned to the answer he would receive (Because that would be the only logical answer, he would receive from anyone out there, no matter who they were) but part of him just wanted to confirm it; wanted someone to tell him what he was supposed to do, and just force this path on him because being forced was way easier than walking down the path of no return willingly.
Aang was forced all of his life to accept who he was and what he should and was supposed to be twice over; once as an abandoned child, unwanted and hated by everyone, and the other when he was taken by the Air Monks and was forced to reconcile who he used to be with being the Avatar, the bridge that connected the Mortal and the Spirit realms.
So, Aang waited, promising himself to accept the verdict and orders given. "No one can tell you how to be the Avatar…" Zuko would later say, and with it shattering the illusion that Aang tried to follow and trick himself with, shattering everything and exposing the truth that deep down, Aang knew, but discarded and buried in the back of his mind because they weren't important enough.
So, what if he couldn't have done anything even if he stayed? So, what if he was killed with the rest and a new Avatar was born? So, what if he couldn't have been able to stop the war? Having the truth shoved in his face as plain as it was, shattered the lies Aang tried to build up, trying to trick himself that he could have done something if he was there; that if he hadn't run, he could have saved his people and helped many of them escaped…
When the truth was shoved in his face like this, Aang couldn't help but react like he always did when his fight or flight instincts acted up in such situations, and not for the first (Nor second, nor third, not the hundredth) time, Aang almost ran as far away as he could, hoping to hide and find somewhere where he could lick his wounds in peace before he forced the mask of the cheerful teen on his face once more and continued on with his life.
But Zuko didn't allow him to run, he didn't allow him to hide, nor even allowed him to force on the mask of ignorance and happiness that always made people around him pleased and happy. It was those gentle hands as they cupped his face and held his hand, the soft eyes and kind expression of understanding of acceptance… the scent of home…
After they reached Omashu when Aang finally met a friend, he thought was long gone, feeling happy and content and that maybe not everything was lost after all. Aang and Bumi talked, joked, and said things that only the two of them understood and would ever understand, and then… and then Kuzon… they… Kuzon… Aang doesn't even know what to feel anymore… he doesn't know what to do anymore…
So, he did the only good thing he knew how to do, he ran away… he always ran away… trying to hide and process what he was told in a way that wouldn't push him over the edge once more. And once more, when he tried to run away Zuko found him, he was there, looking at Aang with confusion and concern as he asked him what was going on… those gentle hands wiping the tears away, the scent of sandalwood and spice offering safety, the kind eyes, and even kinder person… once more, Aang could do nothing but disgrace both of them as he clutched Zuko and cried, feeling like the worse kind of scum for putting the Kunze in such situation, but being unable to stop himself.
Aang could only bawl as he clutched the Kunze tightly; even shame and embarrassment for doing such an unsightly action wouldn't have managed to stop Aang from burying his face in Zuko's shoulder, as he choked on his sobs and felt like the weight of the world was crushing him down without giving him a chance of respite, as tragedy after tragedy continued to slam into him until he was breathless.
Sandalwood and spice , the scent of acceptance and love, of safety and second chances; the scent that Aang associated with home long ago before Aang even knew what home was… the scent of sandalwood and spice, the scent of home… of Zuko… who offered his hand to Aang and helped Aang stand up once more, even when everything around him was hell-bent on tripping him and crashing him under the weight of expectation… the scent of sandalwood and spice… and Aang?
He felt like he was back home …)…
So, what do you think?
An update! Yay!
Poor Aang, I want to give him a hug…
Thankfully, Zuko is here, so everything will be better… I hope…
So, I finally gathered the courage to watch ATLA live adaptation (I kept procrastinating because of the many negative feedback and comments I read), and while it wasn't as great as the original ATLA, and the characters were waaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyy OOC for my liking (Like, what happened to Aang? Seriously? Where was his backbone and feisty personality?! Sokka and his sassiness and jokes? Like what? What is even going on here?! Iroh? Zuko?! Ok, fine, maybe Zuko and Iroh were the only ones who were kept in character, but really, Katara? What happened to her and Suki?! I am so scared of what they would do to Toph in the second season I had half mind to ignore the show completely) but it was enjoyable in a way, and I would probably incorporate a thing or two from NATLA in this story as I continued to write, but so far, the story followed the original show more closely, while glossing on some parts and episodes because canon divergence and all. So yeah, enjoy!
Read and Review
And tell me what you think…
Nazaki-Sama