Lord of the Kims
By Tinytoad
"Put your backs into it!" Doctor Drakken ordered as his henchmen pushed a large death ray towards the back of the lair and the storeroom. Although the death ray had looked new and shiny when Shego had first stolen it the machine was now battered and broken, sabotaged by Kim Possible and her sidekick whose name escaped Drakken
As it entered the storeroom on broken squeaking wheels to join the other broken and sabotaged giant lasers, death rays and other weapons of mass destruction it could be said it was entering a storeroom of dismal failure. Every failed scheme of Drakken's to take over the world was hidden here.
"Doctor D" Shego mused looking in the storeroom "Why don't you fix one of these rather than steal something new. You never know one of your (she didn't say 'goofy' but thought it) plans could work a second time round"
"Well I am rather short of funds at the moment" Drakken admitted "and it would be cheaper, but which one?"
There were a lot to choose from as Drakken had a lot of previous failures.
"Ooo that one, the laser drill. Don't you remember you tried to cover the whole of Wisconsin in magma in that building made of cheese..."
"It was a mistake anyone could have made I thought it was a cheese covered building" Drakken said
"...I know you could go into the mines of Middleton and drill down there" Shego continued in fact there seemed to be no stopping her, she had a strange excited look in her eyes " then you could cover the whole of Middleton in magma. That would get rid of you arch nemesis Kim Possible. Bury her under 30 foot of hot lava."
Drakken looked at his sidekick, Shego didn't normally come up with her own plans. In fact she had been acting rather strangely recently, extra sassy, he didn't know why (we will find out why later).
"Of course, the Drakken could go into the mines of Middleton and delve too deep and too greedily, and wake up something in the deep" Shego said
"What are you talking about?" Asked Drakken "that didn't make sense, no one says 'delve' "
"I don't know why I said that" admitted Shego 'probably something to do with the title of this story"
(Sometime later in the Middleton mine, a repaired laser drill points towards the earth's core)
"Is this going to take much longer?" Drakken asked impatiently "we've been drilling for ages"
"Well we are delving very deep" replied Shego
"There you go with the 'delve' word again" Drakken complained
Suddenly the laser drill broke and was torn in half. From down the hole they had drilled came a low deep roar and orange flames lit up the inside of the mine.
Drakken, Shego and the braver of the henchmen looked down the hole. A giant winged creature of fire and smoke was climbing up towards them.
"We've woken up a Balrog" Shego shouted in alarm "a demon of the old world"
"The old world?" Asked Drakken
"You know, the old world, before the Internet, when people lived in caves and ate stones or whatever" Shego told him.
There was an unspoken agreement between Drakken, Shego and the henchmen and as one they all decided to run away.
Once he had climbed out of the Middleton mine the Balrog checked what he had brought with him.
Sword of fire, Check!.
Whip of fire. Check!.
Would he need anything else? He thought, something was niggling him that he had forgotten but he couldn't put his fiery clawed finger on what it was. Nevermind he would set off to wreak destruction and death on the world, starting with the town of Middleton.
Beep Beep sounded Kim Possible's kimmunicator
"What's the sitch Wade?" Kim asked
"There's a Balrog, a demon of the old world attacking Middleton" Wade told her
"The old world?" Asked Kim
"You know, the old world" said Wade "before the Internet, when people lived in caves and hadn't yet figured out how to waste countless hours of their lives staring at a small screen"
"I'll get Ron" Kim said "if anyone knows about nerdy Lord of the Rings stuff it'll be him"
(A short while later Kim and Ron stand on a bridge leading to Middleton, ready to block the path of the Balrog)
"Your going to need wizard stuff to defeat the Balrog" Ron said to Kim putting a pointy wide brimmed hat on her head and handing her a long stick with a flashlight duct taped to one end "just bang the end of your lighty stick on the ground and say 'you shall not pass'. Keep doing that until you've defeated him."
"Are you sure Ron?" Kim said "I feel rather silly"
"You'll be fine" Ron said running off to give Kim room to do her save the world thing.
Soon the gigantic bulk of the Balrog loomed over Kim. A mass of flame and smoke..
She turned round to look at Ron "Are you sure Ron? I do feel very silly doing this"
Ron gave her the thumbs up "bang your stick" he called her.
Kim adjusted her pointy hat then banged the end of her stick on the ground
"You are so not going to pass!" Kim called out
The Balrog looked down at the teenaged cheerleader blocking his path
"What?!" He said
"Do it again" Ron shouted encouragement to Kim
Again she banged the end of her stick on the ground
"You are so not going to pass!"
With a back handed slap the Balrog sent Kim flying through the air and with a splash she landed in the river below the bridge.
As ever Ron felt the need to state the obvious
"O'man that didn't work!"
Just then it started to rain. Now the Balrog thought what he had forgotten. It was just dandy bringing his sword and whip of fire but as a demon of fire and smoke he had forgotten his umbrella. He quickly disappeared in the rain.
Ron ran over to the side of the bridge "Are you ok Kim?"
"I'm fine Ron but I lost my pointy hat" Kim replied as she swam to the bank.
Once she got out she told Ron "See I squeeze my hair twice and it's completely dry"
"It great being a cartoon isn't it" replied Ron.
Later they sat in Bueno Nacho
"I don't feel I really did anything there" Kim said
"But people won't know that" said Ron
"You right" agreed Kim "Save Middleton from a Balrog, it was No Big"
Meanwhile back at their lair Drakken glared at Shego.
"And who's idea was that?" Drakken said
"It was mine" Shego said meekly
"And what happens to sidekicks who have stupid ideas?" Asked Drakken
"They get strapped to the 'far to Sassy for their own good sidekick's spanking frame' for a hard spanking?" Shego said
"They do, wheel it out" ordered Drakken.
Some have questioned why the very competent Shego kept working for the generally less than competent Drakken. Well no one else would be so oblivious to the dangers of punishing Shego than Drakken. But that was what she sometimes wanted. A dominant man to give her a hard bottom paddling and then, if she was lucky, force (ha ha) her to have anal.
Sometimes a failure could really be a success Shego thought strapped bent over the frame bare bottom stuck up in the air.
The End