Majo Kon-ki The Marriage of Tanya the Witch
(The marriage chronicles of a witch)
Arc 5 - Order of the Phoenix – part 4
August, AD 1995, a small church on the outskirts of Hastings.
"What God has joined together, let no man put asunder."
"The heck?! I said YES?!" Tanya was so shocked that, for once, Harry's kiss did not leave her spellbound.
"No, no, no! No freaking way!" In fact, she was so absorbed in trying to make sense of this bizarre turn of events that time appeared to flow differently for her. She barely noticed everyone moving from the church to the main building of the orphanage for the wedding party.
"Tanya! We are super happy for you!"
"Especially seeing you back on your feet!"
"We were so scared when you literally died on us!"
"Did you keep any of your goddess' powers?!"
"Tell the truth! Harry and Dumbledore are forcing you-" Seamus Finnigan was silenced by his friend Dean.
"What Seamus here meant to say is that he wishes you two all the happiness!"
"What was going through my mind?!" She paid no mind to the guests complimenting her or her fellow dorm-mates showing relief for her recovery.
"Mrs Figg?! You came!" Harry's voice echoed with pleasant surprise.
"Wouldn't miss it for anything, and I brought THEM as well…" The old woman indicated three individuals who seemed out of place.
"T-the Dursleys?!"
"Brilliant Harry! You are so brave marrying the scary witch!" His cousin Dudley gave him a friendly pat on the back, while his aunt went the extra mile and hugged him tightly.
"Oh, I wish Lily could see you…! Sniffle!" He stared mouth agape, at the weeping woman.
"And what about Uncle Vernon…?"
"Congratulations, boy!" Vernon Dursley shouted in anger, and as swiftly as the words escaped him, he turned to Sirius.
"There, are you happy now?! Can we leave already?!"
"Why the rush, Dursley? Stay and enjoy the party!"
"W-well, two out of three, I will consider this a victory."
"Could it be another effect of the ritual?! Am I unable to say no to him?!" Such a once-in-a-lifetime event couldn't draw her attention back; she remained lost in her distant thoughts. Even as Harry pulled her away, she, on autopilot, merely followed him.
"Say 'ah', Tanya!"
"Perhaps it has similar attributes to a love potion- GEH?!" She momentarily lost her train of thought as Harry stuffed cake into her mouth.
"Munch… munch… no… I sincerely doubt that's the case…" Still, as fast as it was undone, she returned to her own world.
Next, in the blink of an eye, she found herself dancing with her husband…
"Hehehe! Can't believe this day is finally here!"
"I have been analyzing our bonding ritual ever since I came back."
… then with Sirius…
"That old bat mother superior of yours is quite intimidating. She kept grilling me, wanting to ensure you weren't being forced into anything!"
"It only sends mana to maintain my soul and body together."
… Professor Snape…
"Here, take this potion! It should last a month unless Potter is too much of a depraved beast!"
"And it isn't being tempered in any way!"
… Mr Weasley…
"Bode couldn't make it, but he sent his regards. He wanted me to let you know that the situation with your research hasn't changed."
"Grrr! One thing is to lose myself in pleasure!"
… and Ron.
"Sorry! Mum didn't tell me about the veil!"
"I must have suffered from some sort of temporary insanity!"
… and she remained this way for hours until it was time to toss the bouquet.
"TANYA! Throw this way!"
"No, over here!"
"I am warning you! Don't any of you dare to get in the way of the new Gryffindor's team captain!"
"Don't bother, those roses have my name on them!"
"You wish! I am getting it and gonna be the next!"
"Lavender, get yourself a boyfriend first!"
"Sis! You are blocking me!"
"Sorry, Gabrielle! I am getting the bouquet even if I have to cheat!"
"Honestly girls, you are all behaving like savages!"
"Ouch! Don't play nice girl while pushing me, Hermione!"
"Yeah! You stole the position of maid of honor from me, let me have this at least!"
"Definitely no! I am catching the bouquet for me and Ron- I-I mean…!"
Tanya remained oblivious to the young women fiercely fighting over a bunch of roses and tossed it randomly.
"On the other hand, maybe something escaped me, kinda like my plans that always end in failure these days!"
"OH! Merci, Tanya!"
"AH! The French snob caught it!"
"To think I ever considered myself smart! It's no wonder I always ended second-" She snapped out of her thoughts, feeling Harry's hand brushing against her leg under the dress, right in front of everyone.
"T-t-the heck are you doing?!"
"Hmmm? Just searching for the- is this it?"
"Eek! Stop pulling down my underwear, you pervert!"
"Sorry, my mistake! Now, where- Here it is!" Smiling awkwardly, he pulled a garter from her.
"What the- You want to do a garter toss?!"
"It wasn't my idea! Sirius insisted!" Sighing, he got ready to toss her garter to the single men.
"Oi, Harry! This way, mate!"
"Don't listen to him!"
"Yeah! We heard him making a bet with his brothers!"
"Feh! Sorry fellas! There is no way a professional goalkeeper will lose this!"
"Wanna raise the stakes, George?"
"You are on, Fred!"
"Out of the way, Snivellus!"
"As if I would let you low-lifes take a piece of lingerie from Tanya!"
"Harry, you won't put a spell on me if I catch it, right?!"
"I-I am more worried about Tanya herself cursing the one who catches it!"
"Tsk! Tsk! Brother! Couldn't get over the little blonde? Desperate to take home something that was on her thighs? Even though she got married?!"
"Shut it! I told you I was never interested in her! I need the garter to match Fleur's bouquet!"
Surprisingly, the men were more enthusiastic than the women. As soon as Harry tossed it, amidst their struggle to catch it, the garter bounced far, reaching the other side of the room where it landed in the hands of an unsuspecting Remus Lupin.
"Gwahahaha! Congrats Moony! It seems you are next!"
"N-no, it was a mistake! Here, you can have it…" Sirius and the other men whom Remus offered the garter to refused to take it.
Tanya was satisfied, believing her lingerie to be in good (no pervert) hands.
"Yawn! So tired…" The exhaustion from all the moving around and fruitless brainstorming caught up with her.
"No kidding, we did dance more here than in the yule-ball. Wanna go home?"
"Yes, and straight to bed."
"M-me too… Blush!"
It took Tanya a while for her to understand why Harry was blushing.
"GAH! Starting tonight, our beds arethe same!"
"Let's go!" With enthusiasm, he grabbed her hand and pulled her along.
"H-Harry…? Ah! Sirius! Aren't you coming too?"
"Hic! Nah, nah, don't fuss over me, kiddos! I'm crashing at Remus' tonight!" Judging by the unsteady manner in which he hugged his friend, it was clear he was drunk.
"I'll be back by lunch! Enjoy your nuptials while I'm away! Gwahaha!"
"SHIT!" Tanya found out too late that she had wasted all her thinking. Instead of trying to figure out what had possessed her mind to say yes, she should have been plotting a way to escape her upcoming night of nuptials.
"Stop right there!" She clung to a last shred of hope, seeing Professor Snape block their way out.
"Don't forget to take your potion! It would be quite inconvenient to handle classes while tending to a baby!" Once more, he proved useless.
"B-b-baby?! Don't jinx- !" She was taken aback as Harry lifted her bridal style.
"Come on, let's retreat to our LOVE NEST!"
"EEK!" As the word 'baby' grew louder in her mind, she hastily gulped down the entire vial of the contraceptive potion.
"S-slow down! Give me a moment to- Harry!" Tanya tried a last stand while Harry rushed up the stairs.
"I can't! I am going to turn into a fossil if I wait just one more second!"
"Don't exaggerate- ah?" In a heartbeat, they arrived in their new master bedroom.
Harry swiftly laid her on the double bed and, with remarkable speed, removed her wedding dress.
"WHOA! W-what is with this underwear?!"
"The heck?!" Taking a look at herself, Tanya realized she had been wearing some rather alluring lingerie beneath her dress.
"I didn't notice because Mrs Weasley put all the clothes on me with a charm!" She had no time to curse the Weasley matron as her horny husband was back to his task.
"Err, d-do you like it, my undergarments?!"
"Very much!"
"T-then… WHY ARE TRYING TO TAKE IT OFF?!" He was pulling so hard it was a wonder the lingerie didn't tear.
"It's kind of a given, isn't it?!" He paused, his embarrassment evident.
"Hehehe! I remember a few years back when I couldn't stomach the idea of us doing THIS!" It appeared that his excitement outweighed any embarrassment, as he was over her with double the vigor.
"N-no! This is scary! Too scary!" She couldn't recognize Harry. It was as if he turned into a beast, a wolf about to devour her… into a woman.
"NO! I DON'T WANNA! PLEASE! STOP IT!" She pleaded, knowing full well it was in vain as a wolf would never let go of its prey.
"Tanya? You want to stop?" Unexpectedly, the hands clutching her underwear came to a sudden halt.
"Y-yes! Stop now!"
"Why?"
"B-because, err, I-I am tired! I told you at the party!"
"Really…?" Tanya was relieved to see the beast turn back into the innocent boy she knew so well.
"… okay." He was clearly disappointed but obliged her request. Silently, he removed his clothes and slipped into his pajamas. Meanwhile, Tanya hurriedly concealed her body under the covers, afraid that any further exposure of her flesh might reawaken the beast within him.
"Goodnight, Tanya…"
"Goodnight!"
He laid down hesitantly.
"You sure we can't even have a little-"
"GOODNIGHT!" She buried her head under the covers and put as much space between herself and him as she could. In a few seconds, everything was silent and Tanya began to calm down.
"Pff! I should have expected this outcome! Besides being a little boy, my 'husband' is a simpleton!" Moreover, he always does what she says. Tanya could anticipate their marriage ultimately playing out entirely in her favor.
"And all I have to do is create more excuses… every single night?!" That would be a difficult task, taking into account she certainly is not Scheherazade who could come up with a new story for one thousand and one nights.
"Besides, in the night number thousand and two, I would be screwed in two senses of the word!"
"Tanya…" She shuddered, sensing Harry's breath against her neck.
"WAH! L-let me tell you a story before anything!"
"…?"
"Ahem! I mean, need something?"
"I can't sleep, mind if we talk?"
"T-talk? Of course!"
"As long as talking is all we do!"
"…" He remained silent, a sorrowful expression on his face.
"Harry?"
"Sorry… it's just…" He sat up in bed and gazed straight into her eyes.
"Be honest with me. Are you still afraid of making love?"
"Huh?"
"You know, after what that Loria guy did to you…"
"!" The mere mention of the name sent shivers down her spine.
"Could it be that you consider all males, me included, the same as him?!"
"About that, I forgot to tell you, there are some interesting things I found out while I was dead…" She told him how her men and the fatherland hadn't betrayed her, about making amends with Rerugen, and how Loria had never gotten his hands on her.
"Best news ever! I am so happy for you!" For a moment, she wondered if she should also tell him about his erased future with Ginny.
"No, this would only complicate things." Besides, if she played her hand right, the Weasley girl and her son from the future could become the instruments that would set her free from Harry one day.
"Does this mean you are afraid of your first time?"
"W-well… yes?" It's worth noting Tanya wasn't afraid of the pain; looking as she had endured wounds from bullets in the past. The main issue was the symbolic significance of this act: she would cease to be a little girl and transition into a full-fledged WOMAN.
"Harry Potter cost me much of my pride already! This is where I draw a line!"
"Hmm, if that is the case, give me a sec!" Suddenly, Harry leaped from the bed and dashed out of their room. Nearly a minute later, he returned, holding a very familiar book…
"Crap! Not 'Twelve Fail-Safe Ways to Charm Witches'!" She trembled remembering the horrors she had once endured because of the cursed book.
"Let's see, I read about witches with traumas, where is the virgins chapter… here!" Tanya watched as he spent a few minutes reading while…
"I see, I see! Foreplay is the key element!" … practicing naughty moves with his fingers.
"And… I am ready!" He slammed the book shut and turned to her with a smirk on his face.
"EEKKK!"
"We will start with some kissing before-"
"N-N-NO!"
"It's alright, Tanya, I promise it won't hurt too much!"
"D-d-don't come any closer!"
"Come on, it won't be too different from what we did in Hogwarts-" His smirk faltered and shifted into a frown.
"… could it be you are afraid I will discover you do have experience?!"
"Eh?"
"I-I mean, it's understandable! You're really pretty, and loads of blokes were hovering about, trying to court you…"
"Is this brat daring to say I am sleeping around?!" Tanya was utterly pissed. It was bad enough how there were movies in a distant world portraying her as a nymphomaniac; she wasn't about to get a whore's reputation here as well.
"Harry, I-"
"I KNEW IT!" He began to cry exaggeratedly.
"Who was it?! Sob! Diggory?! Tell me it wasn't Milefeue!"
"Can't you let me-"
"Or was it Ron?! Or Luna?!"
"Luna?! How the heck would we be able to screw?!"
"Luna is almost as smart as Hermione! She would find a way to transfigure… down there!"
"GAH! He is completely right! And I sleep with her without a care in the world!" Tanya didn't think Luna held romantic feelings towards her, or for girls as a matter of fact, however, she could definitely imagine the loony girl saying, 'if Harry won't, then I will father the next generation of Crumple-Horned Snorkacks!'
"Mental note: never sleep with Luna again!"
"I-in any case, I will let you know that this body is innocent!"
"Sob! N-not even foreplay…?"
"You are the sole person in the whole universe who I ever did… t-those things with!"
"And, what about kissing? None of the blokes at school got you by surprise and s-stole a kiss?!"
"For heaven's sake! You, Hermione, and Ron were the only people I kissed in this life and the last!"
"Wheewwww! THANK GOD!" She chooses to ignore his expression.
"I see, sorry I thought- Hold on, 'in this life and the last'? What about your first life?"
"My first life?" Tanya recalled there was nothing of merit to inform. Like any healthy man, the salaryman had a few dates every so often.
"Well, I do admit I had some fun once in a while and lost count of how many kisses I've received."
"But, weren't you just a little girl?"
"Ha?"
"Professor Dumbledore told me you were about eight years old when the poltergeist took you to another world."
"He caught me!"
"Unless… did you have a boyfriend?!"
Unable to come up with a better explanation, Tanya simply nodded her head.
"W-we merely changed a few kisses- actually, you could hardly call those kisses! At most we played dating and touched each other's lips!"
"…!" Rather than being reassured, Harry's frown deepened.
"Was it because of him? That you wanted to go back?!"
Tanya couldn't help letting out a sigh of sadness recalling that there was a 'him' she longed to return to, her original body.
"NO!" Unfortunately, Harry reached the wrong conclusion and, in a fit of jealousy, leaped over her.
"H-Harry?! Get off me!" Fear flooded back as he had her pinned on the bed.
"Tanya, let me make you forget about him!"
"C-calm down, will you?! He means nothing to me!"
"If that is true, why do you keep giving me the cold shoulder?!"
"B-because… err, y-you know, W-wanna hear a fantastic story?! Once upon a-" She stopped herself. Once more, Tanya was made aware that, although tonight she might be able to 'Scheherazade' herself out of this predicament, what about in the future?
"One night, I could find myself tied to the bed while he forces himself on me!" As much as Harry is kind and innocent, there is no telling how prolonged 'blue balls' could affect him. Plus, the mere thought of the slight chance of being sexually assaulted terrified her.
Glancing at Harry above her, Tanya saw a fiery determination in his eyes, indicating he wasn't going to back down.
"… there is no escaping forme, is it?"
Tanya comprehended she had two options. She could tell Harry the truth, that she didn't love him, and die for breaking their bond. Or she could embrace her responsibilities as Mrs. Potter.
"Harry, let's make a deal."
"A deal?"
"At least, this way, I will have a little control over the situation."
"Any time you ask me, I will say yes but, you can't ever touch me while I am asleep, injured, or in any situation I am defenseless!"
"Tanya, I would never do anything against your will." By his gentle look, she could see he understood why she was asking him of this.
"Then… can we…?"
"R- right this instant?! I-I am kinda tired-"
"Those eyes!" Once more, she felt herself pulled into the captivating glow of his green eyes.
"Well, I guess a promise is a promise." Almost unconsciously, she nodded her head.
"P-please, be gentle!" She was relieved not seeing him turn into the beast which had scared her so much. Slowly and gently, he took off her lingerie and proceeded to remove his pajamas.
"This wasn't supposed to happen- OH!" She shuddered as lips and naked flesh touched, her reasoning slipping away under Harry's touches like it did countless occasions a few months ago.
As usual, she started reluctantly, and eventually, surrendered to the pleasure, her moans becoming screams until she finally reached the ultimate climax.
"Arf…!Arf…! How…?!" Tanya was impressed. While Harry had shown some skill at Hogwarts, now he had reached a whole new level of expertise.
"… I reckon you are ready. Warn me if it becomes unbearable."
"Umm…? What are you- ow! OWWW! OUCHHHHH!" Her entire world exploded in pain.
"Hmm…?" Harry opened his eyes, a bit disoriented as he noticed he was in a different bed.
"Ah…?" He was met with the most beautiful vision he could hope to see: the angelic sight of his sleeping wife.
"It wasn't a dream! Me and Tanya are married!" His mouth lit up with a smile as he admired her pretty face.
"Wow! Percy did say lovemaking would feel good but… WOW!" Harry could hardly wait to have another go, however…
"She was crying close to the end." The smile vanished from his face.
'… this can't be happening- AHHH! I-I was… supposed to go home!' Amidst all her moans, she cried, and he knew it wasn't because she missed her ex-boyfriend.
"Her parents…" A small pang of guilt hit Harry. For him to be happy, somewhere in the world, an unknown couple had lost their beloved daughter.
"I am really sorry that I am not sorry at all!" Nonetheless, he silently apologized to the in-laws he wouldn't ever meet.
"If it means anything, I promise to make her happy! Every day I will shower her with happiness!" He pulled the girl closer to him.
"I swear! Someday, I will compensate for the loss of your mum and dad! I will give you a new and big family! One that will love you as much as me!"
"Hmmm- Huh? Harry…?" It seemed he held her too tightly, causing her to suddenly wake up.
"What are you- owowow! Why does it hurt?!" She threw back the covers and looked down at herself.
"Blood? Why- Ah!" Her eyes widened, and she blushed intensely, recalling what they had done mere moments before.
"W-we had… we did… I am- Sob!" Harry was distressed seeing her crying.
"T-Tanya?! Did it hurt that much?"
"I was a virgin! Of course, it hurt! What kind of thick-skulled moron doesn't know this much? Oh, right, you!" She buried her head under the covers, still sobbing.
"Does this mean it wasn't good for you?!" The sound of sobbing was her answer to him.
"I am so stupid!" Harry realized he might have been too enthusiastic and lost himself. At some point, he mistook the reason for her moans and ended up ruining her first experience.
"Please forgive me!" He sincerely begged.
"No, it's okay. I am your wife, it's my duty to perform these… things!" Instead of being reassured, he felt awful. The way she sounded, it didn't matter if he was the only one to enjoy it.
"It's as if I am imposing, or even forcing her!" In the depths of his guilty conscience, hearing her sobs grow louder, he started to believe it would be best if he never touched her again.
"No! That would be running away from the problem!"
"Tanya…!"
"Y-yes? Sob!"
"Let's make love!"
"I agree… we shouldn't- wait! What?!"
"This time, I promise to take you to the heavens!"
"WHAT?!"
"What sort of husband would I be if my wife didn't feel good on our first night together?!"
"T-there is no need!" She jumped from under the covers, apparently recomposed.
"It was a very pleasurable experience!" He chuckled at her attempt to appease him with a lie.
"And I am not too hurt just a little sore- mmmpphhh!" He pulled her to him and kissed her passionately.
"Please, let me show how good our love can be!"
"I-I… err… o-one more round, alright?!"
"I am going to prepare our breakfast, so you can rest a bit more. Love you, honey!" As Harry stepped out of their room, Tanya could hear the faint sound of his merry whistling echoing down the corridor.
"Finally I can get some sleep!" Ultimately, what was meant to be one more session turned into the first of a dozen. Moreover, he wasn't convinced she truly had an orgasm until she screamed at the top of her lungs in the climax.
"All because I wanted him to feel bad for deflowering me… for turning me into a woman!" She believed her tears would guilt him into leaving her alone for a while. Another misjudgment on her part.
"But was intercourse meant to be so good? Or was this another effect of the ritual…?" Tanya promptly rejected the idea, recognizing the need to stop attributing all the blame to the ritual.
"Maybe we have good chemistry?! D-don't tell me I have fallen for him?!" Once more, she shook her head recalling that love isn't a prerequisite to pleasure at sex.
"Aff! To compensate, as soon as I go back to Japan, the first woman I come across- Ah… right, I can't go back." She was now a woman and shall remain this way until the day she died, any hope of being the salaryman again was utterly crushed.
"… and for the first time in fifteen years, I have no purpose." She felt so lost that she was on the verge of truly crying.
"No! No use getting depressed!" She declared, sitting up on the bed and giving her cheeks a firm slap.
"Mytrue goalremains the same: to earn a safe, nice, and easy life!" And, as always, have the last laugh over that piece of shit fake god.
"Do you hear me, Being X?! You may turn me into a girl or a woman, you won't defeat me anyway!" And not Voldemort… or even Harry.
"I will find a cure and divorce that stupid boy!" With her confidence fully restored, she was about to jump out of bed…
"I SWEAR TO NOT REST UNTIL- Yawn!" … when she was reminded of how tired she was.
"Later…after… I catch… some sleep." She closed her eyes and let herself be taken to dream land.
"TANYA!" She was startled awake by a scream and the sound of the door being kicked open.
"GAH! W-what?!" Her eyes wide open met the sight of Harry's panting form.
"I can't! I simply… can't!"
"Can't what?!"
"I can't be away from you for a single moment! Let's make love!"
"Just a sec- Ah!" Before she could say anything, he was already undressing and touching her.
"B-beast- Oh!"
An hour later, the married couple was eating break-fast…
"Hehehe!" … with Harry harboring the most annoying grin ever.
"Grrr! He must be thinking of how good it was to FUCK me!" The only reason she could eat her meal with him around was that she needed strength, having barely slept.
"Excuse me!" As soon as she was done, she stood up and quickly walked to the sink to wash her plate. Facing away from him, she could briefly push the boy (and his stupid grinning face) out of her mind.
"TANYA!" Not a minute later, Harry embraced her from behind.
"Harry?! What now?!"
"Sorry! I couldn't help noticing how pretty you are from behind!"
"… are you complimenting my butt?!"
"Uh-huh! Your bum is the cutest, hottest, loveliest!"
Tanya flushed, somehow, not taking offense.
"Do you mind if… we do it here?"
"Here?! Over the sink?!"
"Please!"
Committed to her promise, she gave a slight nod.
"Y-you beast- Ahn!"
Another hour later, Tanya was relaxing in a bathtub.
"Ugh! I am sore all over." Especially her throat with all her screaming so loud…
"… forget it." After washing away all the fluids left by their last session, Tanya was trying to relax a little.
"It's not an ofuro but it is close!" Feeling refreshed enough, she couldn't help breaking the monotony by splashing a bit of water and blowing soap around.
"Giggle! Otosan would become furious seeing me- what the hell am I doing?!" It was undignified for her to behave like a child playing in a pool. Besides, this scene could be seen as too SEXY by a certain someone.
"I am much better, I should get out before my horny husband-"
"TANYA!" Once more, Harry announced his presence by shouting her name and forcefully kicking open the door.
"SHIT! Too late!"
"WOW! I was right! You look so hot in a bathtub!" He immediately took off all his clothes and jumped in.
"H-hold on! There is no space for the both of us!"
"No problem! All we have to do is become one…!"
"Will you listen- ah!" She could do nothing except go with the flow.
"S-shameless beast- Ahh!"
About an hour after her bath, Tanya was in the Black's library.
"… not this one either!" Frustrated, she threw the book away.
"Where the hell is it?!" Dumbledore had mentioned to her he returned 'Herpo the Fool's memories', the book which inspired him for the ritual, to the Black library. However, nearly half of the entire book collection lay scattered on the floor, and she couldn't locate it.
"I must find it! I can't have more mornings of- of… FUCKING EVERY FIFTEEN MINUTES OR SO!" She already lost count of how many times she let Harry screw her. All she could tell was that, far from hating it, she enjoyed it more with each new round.
"One week and I will get so addicted- hold on! Dumbledore didn't say he put it back in the library. His exact words were that he returned it to its owner!" She speculated Sirius must have it with him.
"With luck, he left it in his- !" She jumped at the sound of the door, fearing her overly amorous husband would show up.
"It must have been the wind. Whew! I thought he would suddenly reappear and-"
"TANYA!"
"GAH!" She completely forgot the library's second door.
"Let's-"
"I know! I know! You want to have sex! Fine!"
"Thanks!"
"Humpf! As if a BEAST would take no for- AHHH!"
One more hour later, Tanya could finally continue her search for the book.
"Yes! Found it!" And, at long last, she located 'Herpo the Fool's memories' amidst some shoes under the bed.
"Jeez! I knew Sirius could be lazy and unorganized but to leave this lying- hey!" She was taken by surprise as someone pulled her from beneath the mattress.
"TANYA!" Of course, she was met with her lust-filled husband…
"WHAT?! AGAIN? Give me a break- mmpphhh!" Once more, with a kiss, she yielded to letting him do as he pleased.
"D-damn beast!"
"Thank you, my love! That was the best!" Harry told Tanya, after what she believed to be their eleventh round.
The young woman, on her part, was annoyed, mostly because she agreed with him… this was, by far, the best sex they had.
"One week?! Forget it! By tomorrow I will start begging him!" Before it reaches this point, she must find a way to put some restraint on her insatiable husband.
"Harry, let's talk!"
"You want more?!" He asked, beaming at her.
"What?! No! We can't go the whole day screwing around like rabbits! This lifestyle is too DEGENERATE!"
"You didn't fancy it?"
"T-that is not what I am saying! You need to learn to have a bit of control!"
"I still don't get what the problem is."
Tanya was starting to suspect Harry was playing dumb.
"Can't you see any problem with us having intercourse all over the place?! Just now, we screwed five times on the floor before you realized there was a bed nearby!"
"To be honest, I was kind of in the mood to do it on the floor…"
"!" Tanya had to hold back the sudden urge to blast him to pieces.
"Listen, civilized and decent human beings don't screw every fifteen minutes on the same spot they happen to be! Or are you a beast? A depraved wolf?!"
"How about a Peregrine Falcon?"
"A what?! What the heck are you talking about?!"
Harry recalled the day she defeated the troll.
"Should I be glad he didn't suggest we 'mate' on a cliff edge?!"
"… it left an impression on me! And I never forgot your advice of remaining always on top!"
"…!" She narrowed her eyes recalling that, true to his word, he was always the one on top during intercourse.
"T-t-that wasn't what I meant! You shouldn't take the literal sense of- what are you doing?!" She asked, feeling his hands on her bare skin.
"Why? This depraved peregrine falcon is staking a delicious prey…" He answered, giving her the most annoying and smug smirk ever.
"… or do you want to stop?"
"Of course I want to s-s-s-s-s-s-s-"
"You were saying…?"
"I said to s-s-s-s-s-s-s-"
"Why the fuck can't I ask him to stop?!" At any rate, it was too late. Harry, taking her silence as a yes, proceeded to kiss and caress her. In a few seconds, her body was basically set on fire.
"AHN!H-here we go again… Oh, boy! I wish Sirius would return soon, someone else in the house would-" Tanya blinked, and there it was, almost as if her wish had summoned him, Sirius, with wide-open eyes, looking straight at her.
"Ah! Harry, Sirius is back! We shouldn't be doing this in… front of him?" She was reminded of her current state of undress.
"EEEKKKK!" Immediately, she pulled the sheets to hide her body.
"S-Sirius! Can't you knock?!" Harry indignantly demanded an answer while also covering himself.
"Kids?! What are you talking about?" Sirius, covering his eyes, had confusion written all over his face.
"Why on earth would I knock on the door of my own room?!"
""Eh?""
"Ah! Right, we are in his room!" Tanya recalled that when Harry approached her, she had been searching for 'Herpo the Fool's memories' in Sirius' room.
"Blimey! We totally lost ourselves, didn't we? Hahaha!" She shot Harry a glare in response to his remark.
"'Ourselves'?! It was all you!"
"Hey! I didn't hear you complaining a minute ago!"
"!" In a sense, she was thankful; it was her much-needed dose of a cold shower.
"Oh ho! Boy, you made one serious blunder!" Even Sirius could foretell the end result.
Keeping the sheets well placed on her body, Tanya collected her wand and aimed at Harry.
"T-Tanya?! Why are you- ARGHHH!"
"… the Prophet has been so nasty! It started with small comments until it escalated into full attacks!" As the afternoon rolled around, true to their word, Hermione, the Weasleys, and Luna came over to visit, filling Tanya and Harry in with everything which has been going on over the last two months.
"Fudge is behind all of it! He's using his influence to discredit Harry and Dumbledore!"
Tanya let out a sigh hearing Hermione's report, while Harry, beside her, was so furious he was rendered speechless.
"This is an unexpected development!" Voldemort and his Death Eaters had been maintaining a low profile, as Professor Snape had informed. Nevertheless, they found themselves confronted by a powerful new adversary: the Minister for Magic.
Tanya could picture Fudge, with his insecurities and paranoia, convinced that Dumbledore intended to use her, a supposed princess, to legitimize a coup.
"Sorry for not saying anything earlier." Ginny picked up where Hermione left off.
"We were afraid you or Harry would storm off to Fudge, demanding satisfaction."
"Yeah, we know you'd be itching to defend Harry's honor." Ron added.
"And speaking of Harry, what with-"
"Has the Prophet been saying anything about me?" Tanya could only hope that, at least, they weren't calling her the 'eleventh goddess' like the Quibbler.
"There was this article a month ago, calling you a dark witch, then, they published a retraction on the next day." Luna clarified to her.
"Instead, they began depicting you as someone whom Dumbledore and Harry were abusing, someone in dire need of help."
"They said WHAT?!" Harry, who had been sulking in a corner, couldn't contain himself anymore.
Tanya shared his anger, after all, she didn't appreciate being represented as a victim.
"Was it Skeeter?!"
"No, that woman has been missing for quite a while."
"Folks are saying she found out about Barty Crouch and he killed her."
At this news, Tanya couldn't help being a little down.
"Why so sad, Tanya?"
"Wanted to crush the woman yourself?" Fred and George asked, literally appearing from nowhere.
"Was that apparition?"
""Yup!""
"Urgh! They're a pain in the neck normally, now that they've passed the Apparition test, they can just pop up anywhere, anytime!" Ron declared, clutching his head as though he was suffering from a headache.
Tanya felt a bit jealous; having been emancipated, she was eager to take the test herself. Unfortunately, it was restricted to a specific time of the year.
"I could try to learn by myself but I heard it's risky magic."
"Tanya, if you're up for crushing someone, why not go for Fleur Delacour?" She stared hard as Ginny made this question, she could tell the young girl wasn't joking.
"Hehehe! It seems our Ginny is jealous!"
"Fleur had been receiving 'private lessons' from our older brother to 'eemprove 'er Eeenglish'!" The twins sniggered merrily.
"I swear to you! That shameless cow used some Veela magic to seduce him!"
"It's not impossible." Tanya thought, recalling her own incident with the succubus' sister.
"Nah! Bill turns into a complete buffoon by himself when there is a pretty blonde involved."
"Besides, little sis, it may be too late! Didn't you see him all smitten looking at a garter this morning?"
"Hehehe! I heard during the party Fleur saying he shouldn't be sad for not catching Tanya's garter, how she would give him one of hers!"
"AHHH!" Ginny started to pull her red hair.
"Please, tell me he isn't going to propose to that 'Phlegm' tramp!"
"If he doesn't…."
"… I can't get why he is planning on meeting her parents!"
"It can't be…! Sob!" Seeing Ginny breaking down in tears, Hermione and Luna attempted to comfort their friend, while the boys simply shrugged it off.
""By the way, Harry…"" Having their share of fun over their sister's expense, the twins turned to Harry.
""… why are you-""
"Don't ask!" Tanya's glare conveyed the message that they should refrain from meddling with whatever it was.
"Well, who are we to mess with a wife's prank?"
"Indeed! We want to show you something!"
""Feast your eyes!"" Excitedly, they presented Harry with an ear made of wax.
"This is an Extendable Ear!"
"The first of many products we will develop using your investment!"
Tanya stared in puzzlement at the exchange unfolding before her.
"Investment? You gave money to them, Harry?!"
"Huh? No, I don't think so."
"You forgot? No wonder, your head was full of heavy stuff!"
"You gave your Triwizard winnings to us, remember?"
While Harry shook his head, a wonderful realization struck Tanya.
"The Triwizard prize money- no, MY TRIWIZARD PRIZE MONEY!" It was something that had completely slipped her mind: she is rich.
"I remember vaguely leaving the bag with the first person I saw-"
"You two, hand over my money!" Tanya broke in, wasting no time charging the twins.
"It was yours?"
"Wasn't it Harry's share?"
"Harry has no share, I won the tournament alone!"
At this declaration, Harry received questioning stares from everyone in the room.
"Err, I reckon during the confusion, people thought we had tied…" He proceeded to explain to those present how Tanya had managed to reach the trophy before him.
"… sorry fellas, I shouldn't have given that money bag to you."
By their expressions, they seemed disappointed with Harry, even so, Tanya couldn't care less.
"Alright, with that cleared up, where is my money?! Give it immediately and I won't demand interest!"
They fell into silence and then let out an audible gulp.
"S-sorry, princess…"
"… w-we invested everything!"
"WHAT?! In what sort of nonsense did you burn it?!" She believed to have found her answer seeing Hermione's cat playing with their fake ear.
"DON'T TELL ME YOU SPENT ALL MY MONEY MAKING WAX EARS!"
"What an insult! This is not a mere wax ear!"
"Yeah! Give them a chance before you judge- ah?"
They glanced down to discover Croackshanks had eaten the Extendable Ear.
"A small correction… did you guys spend all my money making CAT FOOD?!" Tanya began to shake in anger.
"O-of course not! B-besides, this is just one of our great ideas!"
"Y-you don't have to worry! B-being our partner, you are certain to end up rich!"
"I sincerely doubt it!" Menacingly, she reached into her pocket for her wand. Sensing the danger, the two immediately apparated away.
"Don't you dare run! Come back here and take your punishment, you cowards!" Their escape was frustrating, further pissing her off. Still emanating killing intent, she turned to Harry.
"GAH! It wasn't my fault! I couldn't think about money seeing you in that state!" Despite all her rage, Tanya could see his side. Furthermore, she already punished her horny husband today.
"Er, by the way, Tanya… can we ask about Harry now?"
"What of him?"
"Why is he wearing THAT?!" Hermione pointed to the metallic thick pants he was wearing.
"Hmpf! Let's say it's a matter of safety!" Her own, of course. Not only did Harry turn into a depraved beast, he was actually proud of it.
"He wanted to be a peregrine falcon so much? Well, he can be one inside a cage!"
"Could it be, you want to keep Harry's 'parts' safe?!" Hermione blushed, giving her a funny look.
"Oh! Could this be another behavior of the crumple- ahem, another royal custom towards reproduction?! Tanya is preparing Harry to impregnate her?!" As usual, Luna was happily blubbering some nonsense.
"Bloody hell! Is Harry so good in bed you have to lock 'it' up with a chunk of iron in his free hours?!" Ron had an expression filled with a mix of disbelief, awe, and jealousy staring at his best friend.
"… sob! I lost my brother… like I lost…" And in a corner, Ginny was trying to make herself invisible, hiding her sadness.
"… whatever!" She had grown so accustomed to all those misunderstandings that she no longer bothered to clear them up.
"Tanya…" Harry moved closer and whispered in her ear.
"… can't you take this off?! I don't know what to tell people! I spend half the day-"
"Hold on! 'Half'?! People thought we had tied! What happened to my 'share'?!"
Tanya sought out Professor Dumbledore as soon as she heard he would be attending an Order of the Phoenix meeting at her house, confident he would know what happened with her prize.
Initially, Tanya was annoyed to learn that the Order would be using her house as a headquarters without asking her permission. Adding insult to injury, they had the audacity to bar her from the meeting, claiming that she and Harry couldn't attend because they weren't members and couldn't join since they were minors.
"Wait, Professor Dumbledore authorized Miss Degurechaff- I mean, Mrs Potter to join us." Professor McGonagall informed.
This had both Harry and Ron whining about the unfairness of it all. She ignored them, more concerned about finding out what happened to the other half of her prize.
"… unfortunately, Professor Dumbledore won't be attending this meeting." Tanya nearly despaired, but after explaining her circumstances, her head of house revealed that she had taken the money.
"What do you mean my winnings got confiscated?!"
"As I told you…" The woman calmly elaborated.
"It was to cover the numerous acts of destruction and vandalism you committed over the years."
"What are you-"
"The giant chess pieces! The Whomping Willow! The Gryffindor girl's bathroom! The Hungarian Horntail! The headmaster's office! The… poor giant squid- Sob!"
"W-was it that much? I mean, half the prize money?!"
"For your information, even the merpeople sent us a bill! And do you have any idea how rare and expensive sphinxes are?!"
"D-damn!" Tanya averted her gaze in embarrassment. She killed the beast, thinking there wouldn't be any consequences given that she was planning to leave anyway.
"S-sphinx? I have no idea what you are talking about…" She tried to lie her way out.
"Oh, please! Who else could have done it?!" Unfortunately, professor Macgonagall wasn't tricked.
"So… wasn't a single galleon left…?"
"Five galleons…"
"Great! I didn't end without-"
"… is what you still owe us!"
"Eh?!"
"Don't worry Tanya, I can pay." Sirius interceded, giving the woman a few golden coins.
"Sob! One half invested in jokes and the other… gone with the wind!"
"Your attention, please!" While Tanya grieved, the professor began the meeting.
"Starting today, this will be our headquarters, having the advantage of being protected by the Fidelius Charm. Furthermore, Mrs. Tanya Potter, as per Professor Dumbledore's instructions, will join the Order."
Immediately, there was a clamor of concern from most of the people present.
"It's too dangerous for a teenage girl!"
"Why not let the Potter boy in, instead? I mean, last year he captured twelve death eaters by himself!"
"Can this cute little princess fight at all?"
"Didn't Dumbledore say she lost her powers? If not, I am all up for having someone who can bring us back to life!"
McGonagall cleared her throat to quiet them down, once again, she explained how this had been Professor Dumbledore's decision and that the girl no longer had the ability to resurrect the dead.
"… besides, Mrs Potter here isn't exactly a child." McGonagall's last comment left everyone puzzled, and Tanya could perceive something different in the way the professor had looked at her.
"Dumbledore told her." It could be possible she was referring to the fact that Tanya is emancipated but, if that was the case, so was Harry.
"Tell me, professor, did you see my memory in Arene?"
"!" Tanya perceived what had been different in the old woman's gaze.
"Ho? So she is afraid of me…" Tanya expected for Dumbledore to eventually tell his Deputy Headmistress/right-hand woman about her.
"Although,he could have asked me if I wanted someone else to be told!" And by selecting her house as the Order's headquarters, it was the second decision he made concerning her without her consent.
"Since it came to this, I should tell Professor Snape." After all, he was her most trustworthy ally, even though he had been rather useless lately.
"Oh, well! If Dumbledore wants a lass in the order, who am I to disagree?!"
"Y-you are…!" Upon seeing the individual who had just spoken, Tanya instinctively raised her guard.
"Fear not, Tanya." Seeing her tense, Professor Snape interceded.
"This is the genuine Alastor Moody."
"Nice to meet you, lass!"
She maintained her guard until she sensed his mana and confirmed it was distinct from the man who had been their previous Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher.
"I am pleased to meet you." She bowed.
"As a matter of fact, we met before, you were in my orphanage the day Harry and Sirius came to pick me up and you were outside the Burrow during Harry's birthday."
"Whoa! You're spot on! How did you know?"
"I can feel your mana- magic signature, truth is, I can tell that you…" She gestured towards three people.
"… were at the Burrow's surroundings as well. I believe you foiled two attempts on Harry's life that night."
"These are Kingsley Shacklebolt, Dedalus Diggle, and Emmeline Vance." Professor Snape introduced.
"Hehehe! What a sharp gall! That is what I call CONSTANT VIGILANCE!"
"So, the real deal actually says that…?" This was something she hoped Crouch had made up.
"Hold yer taters, luv!" A short and unshaven man said abruptly.
"Met Mundungus Fletcher, Tanya…!" Professor Snape said with the unmistakable tone in his voice which hinted he was either referring to a Potter or someone he equally despised.
"If ya can tell people apart without seeing them, why'd it take a whole year for ya to kill Crouch?"
Tanya was on the verge of replying when her nose was hit by a thoroughly detestable stench: tobacco.
"Because I wasn't properly introduced to the lass before, you dimwit Dung!" Moody went to her rescue.
"Bah! And Dumbledore had been nagging at me to make my greetings to you more times than I can count! STUPID!" He began to hit his head with his cane.
"My blasted lack of manners landed me a whole year locked up in my own trunk!"
"Hmm, if this little trick works… could come in handy, it could!" Mundungus Fletcher turned his widened eyes to her, and Tanya detected the greed lurking within them.
"I could sniff out the Aurors- I mean, Death Eaters won't get close to me! Oi, lass, fancy giving me a lesson or two, eh?"
"Impossible!" Tanya exclaimed, covering her nose and quickly moving to the far side of the room.
"I can't stand the smell of tobacco! Bleargh!"
"Hey, what's the fuss about me puffing on my pipe, eh?!" He asked indignantly, taking offense at her reaction to his disgusting habit.
"Without it, I'd be snuffing out of sheer boredom, staring at that blasted stone-"
"Mundungus Fletcher!" Mrs. Weasley called him out, causing him to squirm and shift his eyes away, as though he had been caught doing something he shouldn't.
"'That blasted stone'?"
"Forget you heard that! It is of no consequence!"
"It was as Severus said! Let's go back to the introductions! Met…" Professor Snape and Sirius kept introducing her to the rest of the Order, clearly trying to divert her attention from Fletcher's slip of the tongue.
She met Elphias Doge, Hestia Jones, Sturgis Podmore, and other members she already knew: Remus Lupin, Molly Weasley and her older son with a lovesick Fleur Delacour hanging on to him, and Pandora Lovegood.
"Please Tanya, don't tell Xeno I joined the order, he wouldn't understand." Pandora Lovegood explained how despite believing in their cause, he was afraid of endangering his family.
"Besides, he is so happy these days, in his own world coming up with new adventures for the princess-turned-goddess! Giggle!"
"Have I mentioned how much I hate this family?!"
"And lastly, Tanya, let me introduce you to my cousin's daughter: Nymphadora Tonks. She is an auror!"
"Just Tonks Sirius, please!" A pink-haired woman said, approaching Tanya.
"…" She seemed nervous, and Tanya could swear she heard her gulping.
"Wotcher, acromantula- Mrs Potter!" Tanya frowned, being reminded of her old nickname.
"I-I mean… Please don't trap me in web- I mean…!" It was almost amusing watching the clearly clumsy woman.
"My wand is not that good so don't take it- I mean…!" Tired of seeing an adult woman making a fool of herself, Tanya returned to Sirius.
"Any other people I should be informed about?"
"There are a few others, like Charlie Weasley, recruiting more members."
"What about Percy? Is he also recruiting?" The mention of this name made the room's temperature drop. All eyes fixed anxiously on Molly Weasley.
"Wait, I didn't see him at the wedding! Did something happen? Is he hurt?"
"No… Percy is… he is… sob!" Mrs Weasley couldn't complete her sentence.
"Tanya, you see…" In the end, it was Bill who explained that Percy didn't share their beliefs and had deserted his family.
"I know, sob, he will come back to his senses! He is a good boy! Sob!"
No one said a word. Though they all knew Percy Weasley was a big asshole, they didn't have the heart to shatter his mother's good image of him.
Tanya felt a little betrayed by Percy as well. Of all the Weasleys, she had always considered him to be the smartest and most reasonable.
"Well, not that he would be of much help anyway…" Truth be told, this was the same opinion Tanya had of the Order of the Phoenix. Except for a few members such as Kingsley and Moody, she didn't find her allies particularly reliable.
"And while we have 'boy scouts' meetings, Voldemort is surely gathering more psychopaths to his cause!" Meanwhile, Fudge was manipulating the news and turning public opinion against them.
This thrust her into an unprecedented scenario. She might be familiar with war and fought nearly a whole world, but she's never had to confront the civilian population of the very country she's supposed to defend.
"Wish I had the option of defecting to another country here too!" It would be in vain if Voldemort is still set on pursuing her.
"Professor…" She timidly approached Severus Snape, her mind wrestling with a question she was afraid to articulate, fearing the response it might evoke.
"T-the dark lord… did you hear him saying anything about me?" The professor grimaced, evidently uneasy about having this conversation.
"Lucius told me he lost interest after you attacked him with a muggle weapon…"
Tanya released the biggest sigh of relief.
"… however, he became… obsessed, when he heard about your ability to bring the dead back to life."
"What?!"
"In fact, he won't go a minute without talking about you or his desire to have… 'his princess' at his side!"
Her relief straight away morphed into fear.
"D-didn't you tell him about the deathly hallows?!"
"Yes, I did. The dark lord replied he doesn't believe in fairy tales."
"THE FUCK?! Yet, in that FUCKING bedtime story he believes? Fuck! Fuck! FUCK!"
"Language, Mrs- !" McGonagall fell silent under Tanya's intense glare, which seemed to pierce through the room with its sheer intensity. The tension grew palpable, casting a hush over everyone present. Coincidentally or not, Mundungus Fletcher, chose that precise instant to extinguish the flame in his pipe.
"See?! This order is a bunch of wimps!" In any case, they weren't soldiers, which meant they would hesitate to take a life, bound by common moral principles.
"I need to speak with Dumbledore and maybe organize-" Abruptly, the door to the room was violently thrust open.
"!" Thinking it was her beast of a husband demanding more sex, Tanya took refuge behind Professor Snape.
"Arthur? Where were you? The meeting has long started!"
Tanya relaxed as she noticed Molly Weasley was correct; it was Mr. Weasley who appeared, looking as if he had run a marathon.
"We have trouble!" He screamed while panting.
"The ministry called a hearing to nullify Harry and Tanya's marriage!"
AN: This significant delay occurred because I contracted dengue fever and had to endure the worst month of my entire life. The main issue was the severe dizziness it induced, rendering me unable to focus properly on anything. I had to put this story, my job, and my life entirely on hold until I recovered. The situation was so dire that I had to spend some time in the hospital. Even now, I still experience symptoms to the extent that I can't walk even a single meter without needing to rest, and my recovery has been very slow.
To make things even worse, the place where I live in Brazil, Rio Grande do Sul, was hit hard by climate change, with entire cities submerged underwater. Frankly, I wonder if things will ever return to normal here.
As promised, I've uploaded a revised version of prologue 2. In general, it remained the same, but I added one or two things, so feel free to take a look. This will be the last revision I make for a while; I probably won't make any further changes until I post the final chapter.
Fleur caught the bouquet because she is the next to be married among the present girls, but Lupin's marriage with Tonks happens first, hence his catching of the garter.
Regarding Tanya attempting to avoid sex with a story, this was a rumor I once heard about One Thousand and One Nights. I was told that, as often happens in many fairy tales, it was altered from the original. I heard that originally, Scheherazade tried to tell stories to her husband not to save her life, but because he was so ugly, she was repulsed by the idea of having sex with him.
I was very disappointed when I researched how much the Triwizard prize money was: 1,000 galleons, which translates to roughly about 6,000 US dollars! This doesn't make sense; the twins managed to start their business with only 3,000 dollars?! For the sake of this story, let's just imagine that the prize was about one million dollars, okay?
Guys… reviews have been very few since the start of this arc, so I may take a long vacation from this fanfiction. Unfortunately, I usually abandon things that I don't work on regularly, meaning that there is a chance that this is the end. Want it to come back? It will require a large number of reviews, and I mean LOTS! As always, all I ask is that after reading, you leave a comment; just a 'liked it' or a simple 'liked' is enough.
Next chapter: Finally, we return to Hogwarts. Tanya will need to deal with the changes in the behavior of the ghosts and the Slytherins.