Majo Kon-ki The Marriage of Tanya the Witch
(The marriage chronicles of a witch)
Arc 5 - Order of the Phoenix – part 6
September, AD 1995, the Hogwarts Express.
"Longbottom!"
"WAHH!" Neville couldn't hold back a yell when he was cornered by the person who scared him nearly as much as Snape.
"I-I mean, hi Tanya!"
"You are free, right?
"Yes…?"
"I am going to give you an important task! Come with me!" He had no say as she dragged him into a compartment where Harry was waiting.
"Listen well! You will watch my beast of a husband so he behaves during my sleep!"
"Eh?!"
"Tanya! This is ridiculous! I've told you I won't try anything!"
"Good night…" She brushed off her husband and made herself comfortable in her seat.
"Oh, and don't let me down, Longbottom! You don't want to find out what happens should I wake up!"
"EEK!" Almost instantly, the girl fell asleep, leaving the terrified boy to stand guard over her.
"Sorry about that, Nev." Harry hid his face in embarrassment and gestured for him to take one of the many empty seats.
"No, it's fine, I wasn't busy." He put his Mimbulus Mimbletonia on one seat, his toad Trevor on another, and sat between them, facing Harry.
"Can you believe how little my own wife thinks of me?!"
"Shh! Not so loud, you will wake her!" He gave this warning with a murmur.
"Don't worry, Tanya is so tired, she won't wake up unless there is a very loud noise."
"So, as long as we don't shout, we are fine?"
"Yeah…!" Harry fixed his wife with a stern stare.
"Still, as if I would fancy doing anything to her while she…is… so… so adorable!" Harry's angry look melted away, and he gazed lovingly at Tanya's sleeping form.
"Then again, would it be so terrible if I gave her a little kiss?"
"H-Harry?!"
"Yeah… a small tiny peck won't-"
"Ahhh! S-stop, I am begging you!"
"Relax, I am just-
"Please! I don't wanna end up like the pixies in our second year!"
"Nev, Tanya would never cut you to pieces-"
"Yes, she would!" Harry stared at him and back at his wife.
"Come to think of it, you're right, she would do that to you… and to me too! Gulp!" Carefully, Harry created some distance between himself and the sleeping girl.
"Besides, I owe her some sleep after the last few days."
"Why? She hasn't been sleeping?"
"Well, being married to the girl of your dreams, you want to have some 'romance'!"
"Romance?" Neville cast a bewildered glance at Harry.
"What I wanna say is… how do I explain? Have you ever fallen in love?" This made Neville grunt involuntarily.
"Of course, I have fallen in love, the problem is how many times it has been already!" Being shy, Neville would fall for any girl who showed him the smallest bit of kindness.
"Let's see… there was Hermione, Susan, Hanna, Ginny-"
"Could you have fallen for Tanya?!" Harry took Neville's silence the wrong way and assumed the worst.
"Neville Longbottom, are you another rival?!"
"What?! No way! Tanya is too scary for me!" It was the truth: In Tanya's case, all Neville felt was fear at first sight.
"Uhh, maybe I did fancy her a bit during the yule ball! She was way too cute that night!"
"Good! I don't need another bloke hovering around my wife! Even Ron was once eyeing her!"
"Ron?!" Now that was surprising, he had always believed the red-haired was more frightened of her than he was.
"Is this why he isn't here? You fought?" Harry turned to him with a puzzled expression.
"I don't see him around and he and Hermione are always with you two."
"No, we didn't fight. Ron and Hermione are prefects, so they're off to a meeting."
"Wha- you and Tanya aren't prefects?!" Neville was genuinely astonished.
"Yeah, I know! I was surprised and kinda angry until Professor McGonagall explained her reasons."
'For obvious reasons, you may find yourself with more than you can handle this year!' Neville reckoned she must be saying he needs to stay on guard because You-Know-Who has come back.
"Also, I wasn't too keen on being a prefect, anyway. Ron, on the other hand, was so thrilled. I could accept this nice thing happening to him instead of me."
"And Tanya? Did she take it well too?"
"Err, no! Professor McGonagall gave lots, and I mean LOTS of reasons she wasn't made a prefect. I actually can't remember them all, only…"
'Though you may have compensated for all the damage we're aware of, being a prefect requires setting an example for others!'
"… and…"
'It wouldn't be fair for someone of your actual age to take away opportunities intended for real teenagers!'
"Her actual age? A real teenager? I don't get it."
"Ah! Forget this part! As I was saying, Tanya was beside herself!" He grimaced.
"She did try to be mature about it and compliment Hermione… it didn't end well!"
'I hope this badge blows up and opens a hole in your chest!'
"Tanya said that?!"
"Yes! And while Hermione left in tears, my wife started sulking like a nine-year-old child!"
"It must have been awful!"
"You can bet, and Tanya began to cry just afterwards!"
"Oh! Was she sorry for hurting Hermione?"
"That is what I thought at first…"
'Sob! This isn't good for my inferiority complex! Why can't I ever be first place?!'
"I had forgotten how prideful she could be. For her, being a prefect meant she was recognized as the best."
Neville was taken aback; it was unbelievable for him to hear Harry say that Tanya had an insecure side.
"Next, I had the hard job of cheering her up…" Harry sighed.
"And I knew Tanya wouldn't be satisfied with a 'to me, you are number one'…"
Neville could guess she was so sad she didn't sleep well.
"Hehehe! Oh, how mistaken I was!"
"Eh?"
'Please, tell me I am number one again…!'
"She made a face so cute there was no way I could resist!"
"Is Harry drooling?!"
"Even though we already had made lo- romance that day, she allowed me to do much more!"
Neville finally understood what definition the word 'romance' had to Harry seeing him smile lecherously.
"Fortunately, I remembered to cast an imperturbable charm, and… and…! Hehehe!"
"S-so, she lost another night of sleep over 'romance'?" Contrary to what he expected, Harry's face became one of frustration.
"No! We were only in our ninth round…"
"Ninth?!"
"… when our house elf Kreacher interrupted us!"
"You have a house elf?" This brought back memories of Hermione trying to recruit him for her campaign to free house-elves.
"I reckon Hermione wasn't too pleased to hear about it."
"Oh, you didn't hear half of it! She tried to free him!"
'Kreacher doesn't want ugly hat!'
"He was so upset, Tanya had to reassure him she wasn't going to give him clothes."
"And it took the entire night?"
"No! In about an hour, Kreacher was convinced Tanya would never dismiss him."
"Then, you two got back to 'romancing'?"
"I wish!" Harry shook his head.
"By that point, the whole house was awake and aware of what had happened, and we noticed Hermione hadn't shown up." Neville didn't like the direction the story was going, he knew Hermione well enough to say for sure she wouldn't run away or hide.
"Before we could start to worry, Kreacher admitted he had sent her to the worst place he could think of, a cave full of Inferi!"
Neville needed a few seconds to recall what an Inferius was.
"Blimey! Is Hermione alright?!"
"Tanya made Kreacher take her to the cave just as they were about to attack her. She used her flame dragon to destroy all of them."
Neville figured Harry was talking about the fire dragon Tanya had cast in the final task of the Triwizard Tournament.
"Merlin!Pixies, dragons, and inferi are allequally insignificant to her!" He shivered at the reminder of how terrifying the girl sleeping next to him could be.
"I am so relieved! For a moment there, I thought Hermione was hurt!"
"No… Tanya wanted Hermione all for herself!"
'You call yourself smart?! From any elf's point of view, you are attacking their culture!'
"For an hour, Tanya mercilessly gave her the lecture of a lifetime! And want to hear what she said in response?"
'There is no excuse for taking advantage of a brainwashed elf! The poor old soul deserves to spend the rest of his life free!'
Harry explained this ignited Tanya's anger, she spent the entire night and a good portion of the morning giving one long sermon.
"Heck! And she promised to restart as soon as Hermione gets back!"
"I'd wager a fair bit of this was Tanya's way of getting back at Hermione for being made a prefect instead of her…"
"In truth, Hermione managed to slip out because Susan Bones-" Harry paused as two people entered the compartment.
"Ginny, Luna! How did it go?"
"Everything was cleared!"
"Yup! As sad as it is, we told everyone that Tanya's pregnancy was a 'false alarm' as she put it."
Neville wondered why Tanya hadn't assigned his job to her friends. It turned out she had sent them as her representatives to address a misunderstanding spread by Amelia Bones' niece.
"Did Tanya fall asleep?" He watched in horror as Luna Lovegood casually approached the princess.
"Tanya, we have good news! Wake- mmpphh!" Neville managed to stop Luna before it was too late.
"Don't! If she wakes up, I'm toast!" He only let go of Luna after she gave a nod of understanding.
"Whew! That was- eh?!" He spotted Ginny innocently poking his Mimbulus mimbletonia.
"Hey, Nev. What is this?"
"Ginny, stop! That plant has-"Liquid shot from the plant, drenching them all in a foul-smelling fluid.
"… a sensitive defensive mechanism!" Sweating profusely, Neville wiped his eyes and found that Tanya was…
"Sleeping! Thank you, Merlin!" However, he could tell Harry was annoyed as he spat out the plant's sap.
"Err, it's not poisonous…!" He tried to give this consolation.
"Oops, my fault! I'll fix it! Scourgify!" With a simple spell from Ginny, the stink sap vanished. This was lucky, as otherwise, they would have had to skip the feast to get cleaned up.
"And the best part is that it didn't make a single sound-"
"… hummm!" He panicked noticing Tanya stirring and frantically gestured for the others to stay still.
"Pleasegobacktosleep! Pleasegobacktosleep! PLEASE!" A few tense moments later his frightening classmate drifted back into a deep sleep.
Neville released a huge breath of relief, making sure to not make any new noise.
"HELLO!" Neville had to cover his own mouth to keep from screaming in fright. He turned to see this happy greeting had come from his other two housemates.
"Lavender? And Parvati? What are you doing here?!"
"Hi, we didn't have a chance to talk to Tanya during the wedding."
"And we have lots of things to ask!"
"Does it have to be right-" He was interrupted as more people appeared.
"I also have some questions!" This was said by Parvati's sister, Padma, with the Ravenclaw girls of their year.
"She invited my twin sister to the wedding, why couldn't I go too?!"
"Er, can't you ask her later-" Then, more girls from their year appeared, this time, the Hufflepuffs.
"Ginny, Luna! I didn't get it! Tanya was never pregnant or she lost the baby?!"
"Shh! Don't shout! You will awake-" And even the newcomer first-years showed up.
"Wow! A true princess?! For real?! And people said she has goddess magic!"
"Can't you all come back later- hey!" Amidst the confusion, Cedric Digorry and Cho Chang managed to enter the compartment.
"She is sleeping I see… oh, what a beautiful sight!"
"Cedric! We are here to give them the good news! Why are you staring- Cedric!" The Hufflepuff team captain ignored his new girlfriend and Harry's glares to cast a longing gaze at the sleeping Tanya.
"Blimey! What's gotten into everyone to be so taken with this scary girl?!" And seeing the older couple sneak inside made all the others want to do the same.
"Wait, you are all going to wake her!" No one paid attention to him.
Usually, Neville would merely shy away but today, he had FEAR as a powerful motivation. He spun around, yanked Cedric and Cho by their collars, and threw them at the oncoming mob.
"A-ah!"
"Ouch! What is your problem?!"
"The princess wants to sleep! You can all talk to her later!" He quickly shut the doors, taking care not to make any loud noises.
"And she reckoned Harry would be the one to-" He saw Harry gently brushing Tanya's face, as though he was on the verge of kissing her.
"Harry! What on earth are you doing?!"
"Nothing, just fixing her to sleep on my shoulder- hey!"
"Think I am gonna buy that?!" He roughly pulled the sleeping girl away from him.
"You can kiss her to your heart's content when she wakes up by herself!"
"N-Nev! What have you done?!"
"Sorry, Harry! There will be hell to pay if-" Strangely, Luna and Ginny began to frantically shake their heads and point to his side.
"Is something wrong- ACK!" It seems the moment he took Tanya from Harry, he shook her too hard.
"LONGBOTTOM!" Her bloodshot eyes burned with a scorching glare.
"Ahhhh! I am a goner!"
"I WARNED YOU- Ah?" Before Tanya could murder Neville, Luna cradled the angry girl's head in her lap and began to softly sing a lullaby.
"Luna?! As if this would- Yawn! Would work… on me… zzz…" Quickly, much to Neville's relief, she had fallen back to sleep.
"Luna! You are a lifesaver!" Upon receiving his thanks, the girl smiled so warmly that Neville couldn't help blushing.
"Oh! I think I might be fancying someone new!" There was a new name for his long list of crushes. And exactly as Cedric had done before, it was his turn to cast a longing gaze at someone.
"Nev?! So you really are another rival!" Harry misunderstood who Neville was gazing at and, once again, jumped to the wrong conclusion.
"What?! No, I was looking at Luna- I mean…!" Embarrassed seeing Luna giggle, Neville accidentally bumped into his frog, causing it to leap away and land squarely on Tanya's face.
"EEEKKKK! What is on my face?! I can't see!" Instinctively reacting to the girl's desperate efforts to shoo him away, Trevor leaped back to the safety of his master's arms.
"L-O-N-G-B-O-T-T-O-M!" She caught him red-handed, or rather, frog-handed.
"I-I-I am begging you! Spare me and my frog!"
"Your request is denied! Do you have any last words- ah?" Once more, Luna rested the girl's head on her lap and began to murmur the same lullaby, this time more rapidly due to the urgency.
"Pff! This won't work a second- zzzz…" Surprisingly, she drifted off to sleep faster than she had previously.
"Is Tanya sleeping?"
"!" Already on edge, both Neville and his pet leaped to the other side of the compartment at the unexpected arrival of Hermione and Ron.
"Thanks Heavens! I can't take more of her lectures!"
"Bleh! Now you see what it's like for me!" Everyone else sighed as the two started their usual bickering.
"Ronald, that is different! In your case, you deserved every single lecture I gave to you!"
"Oh, and you didn't deserve it after sneakily trying to give clothes to Tanya's elf?!"
"I did it for Kreacher's benefit as much as for Tanya's own good!"
"Really? Then I suppose she must have forgiven you!"
"S-she certainly did!"
"Why don't we see for ourselves?!" Neville blinked at Ron's words.
"He isn't going to-"
"TANYA! HERMIONE WANTS TO TALK TO YOU!" Neville paled as the fool's action had Tanya promptly open her eyes.
"Hehehe! Hermione is right here… Tanya?!" Too late, he realized his mistake. Ron suffered the consequence as he was thrown…
"Potter! How does it feel being second-best to Weasley- ARGHHHH!" … right into Malfoy and his goons as they were entering the compartment.
Seeing Ron, Malfoy, Crabbe, and Goyle groaning on the floor made Neville actually envious.
"Because I doubt she will be so merciful with me!" He held his breath as their eyes met.
"There you are!"
"GAH! I am sorry-"
"Where I was… oh, right! You must understand that, for too long, elves have…" Tanya resumed her sermon on Hermione, ignoring Neville completely.
"A-am I safe?"
Somehow, Neville managed to reach Hogsmeade station safe and sound. However, now began his least favorite part of the trip.
"Maybe this year I won't see them- ugh!" No, in front of the coaches, he spotted the same horse-reptilian-like beings that he, and he ALONE, has been able to see since the end of his first year.
"Sob! Besides being bad at magic, I am gettingbonkers-"
"WAHHH! What are those things?!"
"T-there are monsters pulling the coaches!" Neville stared in wonder as all around him, people began to shout in fright.
"Bloody hell! Why didn't they enchant the coaches this year too?!"
"Y-you fellas can see them?!" Four heads nodded in confirmation.
"I AM NOT MAD!" He yelled in joy.
"Of course, you are not insane. Those are thestrals." Seeing the confusion in their expressions, Luna went on to explain.
"Thestrals can only be seen by people who witnessed death and, last year, almost all the school saw Tanya kill the fake Professor Moody." Everyone paid close attention to the Ravenclaw, aware of the strangeness that it wasn't the typical know-it-all Hermione explaining.
"Humpf! I should've let you turn into an inferius…!" A glance confirmed she was too busy being scolded by Tanya; they probably were completely unaware of the thestrals.
"Hold on! I didn't see Tanya kill Crouch- Ah! I saw him killing his father and Voldemort killed Quirrell in front of us!" Harry didn't seem to care at all about the gasps of shock that followed the mention of HIS name.
"But, I also saw my mother die when I was very young…" Once more, Luna was happy to provide an answer in Hermione's place.
"Because you were too young to understand death…" Additionally, there was a chance Harry would have moved on from her death, meaning those creatures would begin to vanish from view as soon as the impact of the death faded from the viewer's memory.
"Then, I will see them forever!" Neville doubted he would ever get over the shock of his grandfather's death. Nonetheless, for the first time, he made the trip feeling upbeat, reassured he wasn't going insane.
"… McGonagall must be going blind- no, senile giving the badge to you…!"
"Was she napping just to build up enough energy to grumble?!" It was getting harder for him to ignore a poor girl being harassed in front of him.
"Aren't you lot going to do something about them?" He called the others while pointing at Tanya and Hermione.
The answers came faster than he anticipated.
"No, she kinda deserved it for messing up our last night at home!"
"Tanya is merely showing how much she cares! Actually, I am kinda jealous!"
"As I said, let her see what it's like on the other side of the sermon! Besides, I'm not a rubbish bin to fancy being tossed aside again!"
"And risk being on the receiving end of Tanya's wrath?! No, thank you!" Of everyone, Neville agreed with Ginny the most. Besides, he was afraid Tanya would remember he failed in his job of protecting her sleep. Thus, this situation remained unchanged on the trip to the castle.
"Ah! Look! It is the princess!" In an instant, people surrounded them, trying to congratulate Tanya on her recovery and her marriage. Hermione took advantage of the situation to slip away, alleging she had duties as a prefect.
"I think I saw Malfoy torturing the first-years!"
"Ah! Don't run, Hermione! I have much more to say-"
"Tanya, are you completely fine?"
"Why didn't you invite us to the marriage?"
"Is it true you had a miscarriage?!"
"Princess! Can I shake your hand?!"
"Have you heard? Diggory is dating Cho Chang! Aren't you glad he is getting over you?"
Although he had seen similar commotion at King's Cross, on the Hogwarts Express, and at Hogsmeade station, Neville was still taken aback by Tanya's popularity.
"He is lying because his wife is more popular!"
"Of course, he is! He says you-know-who is back so he can play the hero!"
"Outrageous! He rapes her and the poor girl is forced to marry him!"
"He and Dumbledore are criminals!" From somewhere in the crowd, Neville heard these comments.
"They'd sooner listen to some rubbish newspaper than to the schoolmate they've known for years!"
"Look at Potter parading his little bitch!" His train of thought was interrupted by more whispers.
"Soon, she will have a new owner to walk her off!"
"Her days playing the school's goddess are numbered!"
"Giggle! Don't say it aloud, you don't want her to cry, do you?! Boo-hoo!" Those cruel comments came, of course, from the Slytherins.
"Funny, I thought they were afraid of her." And whereas Neville wondered if he should warn his friends…
"Ladies and gentlemen, the princess has made her return!" In an unprecedented occurrence, nearly all the ghosts of Hogwarts, led by Sir Nick, assembled to bow to her.
"Open the way for Her Majesty, you ruffians!" The Bloody Baron gave the order, and all the ghosts lined up in rows to allow Tanya to walk to the great hall. This honor was reserved exclusively for their princess, even leaving Harry behind.
"Uhh… tell me I am not getting a ghost as another love rival!" They eventually reunite with Tanya at the table, where the ghosts keep pampering her.
"Sorry, your majesty! We couldn't convince the headmaster to give up his chair for your royal bum to sit upon!"
"I-it's alright- don't you dare laugh, Ron!" The remainder of the feast passed in a haze for him, until the new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher was introduced.
"Hem, hem! Thank you all for the warm welcome…!"
His grandmother had warned him about a tense year ahead, a sentiment echoed by the Sorting Hat. This was only solidified for Neville after hearing the remarks of the Umbridge woman.
"The Ministry of Magic… rare gifts… ancient skills unique… must be guarded… progress must be discouraged... practices that ought to be prohibited!" He could barely keep up with her speech, however, rather than being bored, he was restless and he wasn't alone in his worries.
"Be careful with Umbridge. Such speech obviously belongs to a pure-blood supremacist bigot!" Were Tanya's words to Harry.
"The Ministry will be interfering at Hogwarts! And not in a good way!" Hermione added.
On Neville's part, the 'frog' as Harry called her, sent him an unease he hadn't felt since…
"… the fake Professor Moody!" Neville gritted his teeth, recalling how one of his parents' torturers was close and he didn't do a thing. He wondered if this time, they didn't get Bellatrix Lestrange disguised.
"If so… I will… will…!" … do absolutely nothing. He reminded himself he wasn't like Harry, a brave and powerful wizard, to carry out revenge.
Back at the dorm, he thought he could have a good night's sleep to forget about what he couldn't do or be…
"Harry, tell us how it was with the princess!" The entire male part of the Gryffindor house reunited in their dorm to talk to Harry.
"Who cares if she is a princess? How is it to be with a GIRL?!" This was surprisingly said by a boy older than them.
"No! How is it to get LAID?!"
Despite being overwhelmed, Harry gave the right answer.
"Sorry, fellas, a gentleman never tells." There were grunts of disappointment, and as people began to disperse, Neville thought the emotions were over, nevertheless, Seamus would prove him wrong.
"My mam didn't want me back at Hogwarts! All because of Harry and Dumbledore!"
"What?! Does she believe the Daily Prophet? She thinks I'm a liar and Dumbledore's an old fool?!" At Harry's inquiry, Seamus apparently lost his nerve, he turned away and began to straighten the poster of his favorite Quidditch team.
"Don't be a coward! If you want to say something to me, then say it!" Seamus didn't take Harry's words kindly and brought out all that had been bottling inside his head all summer.
'Harry wants Tanya for her powers and status.'
'Skeeter told everyone that Tanya had no choice except to marry Harry because he had defiled her.'
'Dumbledore is trying to scare us with you-know-who to have an excuse to overthrow the ministry.'
Neville was agape at his accusations, mostly because they were almost the same, word-by-word, from the Daily Prophet.
"And I saw with my own eyes! You rushed the ceremony so the priest couldn't ask if anyone objected!"
"…!" Seamus didn't seem to notice how pissed he was making Harry.
"S-Seamus, mate, chill out!" Dean saw the same as Neville and tried to warn his friend.
"The poor gal couldn't ask for help or show how unhappy she was because you had her wearing a big veil! Ron, your best mate, said she wanted to call it off!"
"M-many brides get cold feet, Seamus! Tanya was just a bit shy!" Neville tried to explain to him.
"Don't be daft, the princess isn't shy at all! Yesterday, the Prophet reported that Dumbledore's got some weapons forcing her to stay with Harry!"
"!" Neville could tell Harry had reached his limit and as soon as his wand was in the open, he knew he had to do something.
"Don't say rubbish!" His shout had the desired effect of surprising the two boys.
"Nev?!"
"No one could force anything on Tanya, Seamus!" Neville had experienced firsthand how much easier it was for her to be the one imposing anything.
"She married Harry because she loves him!"
"What about that nonsense about the return of you-know-who? Believe in it too?!"
"My gran always said he would come back! And I believe in Harry!" Seamus was left dumbfounded, leading to a lengthy silence with his three dorm mates simply staring at him.
"… bloody hell! You fellas won't- Huh? Did I lose something?" Ron's question ended their standoff, with Seamus and Harry immediately heading to their own beds. Meanwhile, Ron turned to Dean to ask what was happening.
"And I am left out… so typical." Regardless, Neville was thankful there was no further argument. At least now, he could enjoy a peaceful night's sleep.
Harry woke up in bad spirits for many reasons: Malfoy was made a prefect, Hagrid was missing, he had a row with Seamus, and, most of all…
"THERE IS NO WAY I CAN GO BACK TO SLEEPING ALONE!" A single night without making love to his wife had Harry wishing he didn't return to Hogwarts.
"C-couldn't the school… lend us… some sort of… marital room?! Somewhere… we could… shower each other… with our… LOVE?" He could barely walk straight feeling the withdrawal, Tanya had become like air to him. He needed a good amount of her, or he would surely die.
"T-Tanya… where is… my wife- OHHH!" His day becomes a lot brighter at the visage of Tanya having breakfast.
"Oh, good morning Harry- mmpphhh?!" He kissed her passionately. As usual, she shyly tried to push him away, it took some loving until she surrendered herself.
"Love you… Tanya…" Harry couldn't take any longer, he pulled her to the table, gently laying her on top of it. He began lifting her skirt, already seeing the white of her panties-
"P-Potters! What are you two doing?!" Harry took notice of a wide-eyed Professor McGonagall, and, as he glanced around, he saw lots of people, from students to teachers, gazing at him and Tanya in amazement.
"R-right! This is the great hall!" At least the shame cured him of his withdrawn symptoms.
"POTTER, YOU… YOU…. Uhhh! Whatever!" The embarrassment proved to be greater than her anger, and Professor McGonagall just walked away while murmuring 'kids these days'.
"Hmm…? Why have you stopped- AHHHH?!" Snapping out of her stupor, Tanya hurriedly jumped up from the table after adjusting her skirt.
"Tanya, sorry about- !" She glared murderously at him. And he couldn't tell if she was red with embarrassment or out of anger.
"No, she is probably as frustrated as me-"
"Harry?!" Hermione yelled and blushed as if seeing him for the first time.
"H-hi!"
"Ugh! Don't tell me you saw that too!"
"Huh? Saw what?"
"You didn't? Then why are you-"
"… Harry Potter?! Hihihi!"
"Always thought he seemed manly!"
"Hear this! In front of everyone he tried to…"
Weirdly, all the Gryffindor girls who passed by him were acting funny like Hermione.
"What is going on?!"
"I-I think it's my fault…" His wife confessed, not meeting his gaze.
"Last night they asked me about our married life."
"The boys did the same, I said that a true gentleman never talks."
"I tried the same excuse… unfortunately, the rules are different for girls!"
Harry blinked at the meaning behind her words.
"For a big fat liar, he is handsome!"
"And he can do IT for hours!"
"My grandma always said the best ones get married early!"
"I wouldn't mind if he cheated on the princess with me! Hehehe!"
Now, the Gryffindor girls couldn't look at him without gossiping embarrassing stuff, having a fit of giggling, and/or shyly blushing.
"… he was trying to shag his wife here?! Hihihi! He is exactly as Tanya said!"
And to complicate things, he saw them spreading their findings to girls from other houses.
"Harry, what's with all the girls giggling the moment they see you?" Ron asked, taking a seat.
This had Harry direct a glare at his wife.
"S-sorry!" Seeing Tanya so apologetically cute almost made up for the bother.
"Who am I trying to fool? Of course, I forgive her!" He sat by her side, his troubles all forgotten as he savored her presence…
"Ron! Come with me!" Hermione returned fuming.
"We have to talk to your brothers!" She pointed at the twins' poster asking for people to test their products.
"Wait! I didn't have my breakfast yet!"
"Heavens, finish it fast! We have work to do!"
Watching Ron eat as a pig made Harry wonder how things would be different if he and Tanya were the prefects.
'Harry! No food for you until you talk some sense into Fred and George!'
"Yup! She would be far worse!"
"Did you say something?" His wife asked.
"Me? Nothing- ah!" Recalling last night, he told her about his row with Seamus.
"I reckon we shouldn't have come back…"
"I imagined this would happen. Yesterday, before our 'talk', Lavender interrogated me to make sure you didn't really force me. And Parvarti wanted me to drink the antidote for a love potion to be completely sure." Still, Tanya was able to fully convince them.
"… except I couldn't persuade them about Voldemort's return. They believe you made this story up because you can't handle seeing me be more famous than you." Harry sighed hard, a depression setting in.
"Come on! We had our share of similar experiences!" He reckoned she must be talking about when they were accused of being the descendant of Slytherin and Granddaughter of Grindelwald respectively.
"You are right! Besides, today, I have my wife to console me!"
"Eh?"
"Tanya… mind if we continue from where we left off?"
"Y-you wish to have sex here?! In front of everyone?!"
"What?! No! In a secluded place, of course! We have some time before classes if we run-"
"Harry!" Again, Hermione shouted his name, but her shy embarrassment was no longer there.
"Did I just hear that you intend to do naughty stuff in our school?!"
"So what? I already promised Tanya we would find a secluded area."
"This is not the point! I will let you know that, as long as I am a prefect, your escapades won't be tolerated any longer!"
Hermione's declaration of betrayal had Harry turn his shocked eyes to his best friend, in a silent cry for help.
"Sorry, mate! With the badge comes great responsibilities."
"I am so proud of you, Ron!" Unlike Hermione, Harry never felt so betrayed by his friend before.
"And Harry, you and Tanya can have your 'intimacy' in the next Hogsmeade visit."
"Are you mental, you crazy girl?! That is only in October!" Hermione frowned upon being called crazy.
"Harry Potter! Don't think I won't give you detention because we happen to be-"
"Hi, Harry." She was cut off by Angelina, his team's new captain. Briskly, she reminded him about the keeper tryouts.
"Okay, I won't forget! Now, if you would excuse me, I am in the middle of a crisis right here!"
"…" Instead of leaving, she fixed her gaze on him, as if she were sizing him up.
"Err, Angelina?"
"What- Ah!" She blushed intensely, as though she had been caught doing something she shouldn't have.
"No…" Shaking her head, she walked away.
"Tanya had to be lying about the size!"
"T-the size?!" He turned to Tanya, who coincidentally became very interested in her empty plate.
"I-in any case, Hermione-" Hermione was even redder than before and avoided his gaze.
"I reckon it will be futile to try to talk to her in such a state! Bollocks!"
"Boys are calling me a liar, girls are gossiping perverted stuff about me, and my two best friends are getting in the way of my love life!" More and more he was wishing he didn't return this year.
"Argh! My day can't get any worse!" At least not in their first lesson of the day, History of Magic.
"With so much emotion, I can have a bit of boredom." He made himself comfortable in his seat as the ghost professor, Binns, floated through the classroom.
"Hogwarts, 1991, history was in the making, it was the year Tanya von Degurechaff began to attend Hogwarts!"
"Yawn! I am already sleepy- saywhat?!" Like himself, everyone else was taken aback, including his wife.
"Professor, why are you talking about me?!"
"August 23, 1980, on this blessed day, Tanya was born, she would grow up in an orphanage…"
"Hey! I didn't give you permission to talk about my life!"
"… what no one suspected was that she was the lost descendant of the last wizard king Degretschow…"
"D-don't start talking as if this story is true, you too!"
"… with the mission to find the deathly hallows, she would rise to become the master of death and the eleventh goddess…"
"I said to stop it!" He didn't, and Harry, along with the rest of the class, had their best History of Magic lesson ever.
"Wow! It was the first time I hadn't dozed off in Binns' class!" Ron animatedly said as they walked to the next class.
"I will admit I was so excited I forgot to take my notes! What if it appears on the exam?!"
"No worries! This is Tanya's life, if anything, we ask the source in person!"
And speaking of his beloved wife, Tanya was fuming.
"Grr! Dumbledore did mention the ghosts grew fond of me…!" From what he had said, Tanya becoming the master of death made her something akin to a celebrity among the dead.
"It was that reception, the headmaster's chair, I became a subject in History of Magic class…! What is going to happen next?!"
"Snort! Maybe Moaning Myrtle will pop up to clean your arse when you use the loo! Hahaha-" A glare and Ron was silenced.
Before Harry could offer consolation for his wife's misfortune, he saw Cho Chang and her friends passing him in the corridor giggling and blushing hard.
"Yeah… it's so embarrassing to hear people chatting about your most intimate stuff! You reckon too, Tanya?!" The accusatory tone wasn't lost on Tanya.
"Come on… I already said I was sorry…" Her pout was so charming that Harry ended up forgiving her again.
"C-come, to the next class…" Hermione said, reddened by the reminder of Harry and Tanya's married life.
"… potions!" While they all grunted, Tanya was all smiles.
"Would it be too much to ask to have another lesson that is surprisingly good for once?"
"Snape's known Tanya the longest, couldn't he use his class to show off some of her old photos or-"
"Don't even joke!" Tanya shouted, cutting Harry and Ron's chat.
"After all that embarrassment, I want a bit of peace- GEH!" The instant they entered the dungeon, Snape unexpectedly captured Tanya in a hug.
"Please, bear with me! It's just… this summer… I-I was so certain you wouldn't attend my OWL classes!" Despite Harry not being too pleased to see another man holding his wife, he couldn't help feeling some sympathy for the professor.
"I myself almost lost hope she would wake up and be back in my arms!"
"Tell me, is the insufferable Potter fulfilling all your demands? Should you come to your senses and recognize the magnitude of your mistake, be assured that my door remains perpetually open to you."… and there goes any sympathy he may have had out the window.
"Professor, there is no way I can leave Harry!"
"Oh! That is right, the ritual! Which reminds me…" He let go of Tanya and composed himself.
"With your permission, I want to research your condition to find a cure and, perhaps… make you SINGLE again." As he spoke the last part, he flashed a grin at Harry.
"Oh, thank you, professor!" Seeing Tanya so happy, Harry reckoned she didn't hear the 'SINGLE again' part.
"I will ask Sirius to send 'Herpo the foul memories' for you later!"
"Humpf! Hope he finds something!" So, once the divorce didn't happen, there would be no question that their marriage was truly based on love.
"Everyone settle down! Before we begin…" It turned out his wish came partially true, the start of the lesson was surprisingly good…
"I take only the very best into my NEWT Potions class…" And since Harry was deemed a lost cause, this would be the last year he had to put up with Snape.
Next, the routine continued as usual, with Tanya being the sole Gryffindor to receive praise from the teacher, meanwhile, Harry was awarded zero marks for his work of the day.
"Tanya, you could defend me from Snape sometimes!" He complained to his wife at the end of class. By then, Ron had gone to Divination and Hermione to Arithmancy.
"Professor Snape, Harry! And I can't if you are in the wrong."
"But there were potions way worse than mine!"
"Their mistakes don't absolve yours!" He sighed realizing it was useless.
"… well, see you in DADA."
"Don't go yet! I need you to help me fulfill a promise. I-I am telling EVERYTHING to Professor Snape."
Tanya waited until everyone else had left before approaching Snape.
"Professor, can we talk?"
"If it was about the hug, I am sorry."
"No…"
"If it is about your husband's punishment for his abysmal performance, I am not sorry!"
Harry didn't retort, sensing his wife's tense mood.
"Harry, please tell him!"
"Why does it have to be me? Shouldn't you tell him yourself?"
"I can't remember the story precisely- I mean, it's tough for me to talk about my past, alright?!"
"Past? What are you two talking about?!" Snape impatiently demanded an answer.
"Have you done something to Tanya? Perhaps… have you been cheating on her?!"
"How did you come to this absurd conclusion?!"
"I have eyes and ears! I saw how all girls have been acting around the mere mention of your name!" Harry facepalmed himself. And before the professor could make more ridiculous claims, he recounted Tanya's past to him exactly as Dumbledore had described.
"… you were never a child?" Unexpectedly, Snape didn't seem fazed.
"D-depending on how you see it… no." Tanya, in comparison, was a nervous wreck.
Harry put a comforting hand on her shoulder. Although he couldn't stand Snape, he knew if the sod left Tanya's life, she would be deeply saddened.
"This truly clarifies a great deal! For once, you actually make sense to me." He shut his eyes, apparently immersed in his thoughts.
"Tanya…"
"Y-yes?"
"Is there any chance that more people went through the same circumstances?"
Both he and Tanya were caught off guard by this unanticipated question.
"Do people who die here reappear in another world?"
"Sigh! If you are talking about Harry's mother…"
"My mum?"
"… unless she made a powerful poltergeist as her enemy, the answer is no."
"Peeves and her barely interacted with each other, so I must assume he wouldn't do anything of the sort…"
"Wait a sec! What does my mum have to do with anything?!" Despite his frantic calls, the two merely ignored Harry.
"A-are we alright?!" This fear-filled question made Snape frown in confusion.
"Why wouldn't we be?"
"Oi! Do you two remember I am here as well?!" He was still ignored.
"Aren't you angry that I lied to you?"
"I did wish you had trusted me but I also can see what motivated you to keep it all hidden." A soft smile formed on the professor's lips.
"Nothing changed between us, you are, and will always be my most important person!"
"… that kinda sounded like a love declaration!"
"Oh, professor!" Tanya was so moved Harry could see tears forming under her eyes.
"Tanya…!" This time, Snape didn't need to reach for Tanya; she happily leaped into his arms.
"…!" Anything else on his mind was forgotten as Harry watched this touching scene with annoyance.
"I KNEW IT! Doesn't matter if his love is the paternal kind, Snape is my greatest rival!"
"We are all gonna die!" Draco Malfoy firmly held this belief, overhearing his dorm-mates while Defense Against the Dark Arts class was about to start.
"Oh, I can hardly wait for the dark lord to take over and kill all the mudbloods!"
"I hope our lord starts with Granger!"
"Stupid girls! What are you doing?! What if the teacher hears?!" Draco wanted to shout at Pansy and Millicent. The dark lord himself commanded all his followers and their families to not discuss anything related to him in public.
"Humpf! You are forgetting that Mudblood is close friends with Potter's bitch! The dark lord may spare even Granger if the request comes from his pet princess!"
"Great! Now they are back at insulting the princess!" So far, the only place they refrain from these rude comments is during Potions, knowing full well that Professor Snape would exact severe punishment.
"Bah! I don't get what our lord sees in her! She should die with the rest of the blood traitors!"
"Come on, she is of a rare breed! My mum reckons the dark lord will want her to give him a successor."
"Hehehe! Shag and then dump her?! Nice!"
"Think the dark lord could lend her to me for a bit?! HAHAHA!"
"Damn it! Can't they see this is going to bring our doom?!" Draco didn't try to warn Theodore and Blaise, having already made numerous attempts in the past days. He went as far as to reveal how the princess was the one to torture Marcus Flint a few years ago, recalled how she had defeated two dragons and cast a powerful Fiendfyre without breaking a sweat.
"And how do they respond to my kindness? With sneers!"
'Draco, don't be a scaredy-cat!'
'My dad said the bitch cried at the simple sight of the dark lord!'
'They had to turn tail and run because her precious Potter took a beating!'
'She is lucky the dark lord wants her to be his pet princess!'
It was a known fact that Lord Voldemort had dealt a crushing defeat to the Potters months ago. However, most people missed the bigger picture. Firstly, they were completely caught off guard, magically immobilized by chains, and the princess herself endured two Unforgivable Curses to be weakened. And what happened next? She performed an impossible magic to bring her boyfriend back to life.
"In a way, I am jealous ofthose dunderheads for not understanding the true horrorsall around us!" Ever since he saw Her Majesty almost ascend to godhood, Draco understood what the future held for them. Closing his eyes, he envisioned the Dark Lord and the princess in a furious battle, unleashing Killing Curses at one another and striking anyone unfortunate enough to be in the vicinity.
"Ugh! And this is all Potter's fault! If he didn't exist, she would be on our side and we could win without a bloodbath!" Draco hoped the girl was blind and deaf with happiness with her bugger of a husband, to the point she wouldn't notice all the insults directed at her.
"… you sure it was a blood quill?"
"Absolutely, father used to make me write with it." Turning his attention back to his fellow Slytherins, he was relieved to see they were discussing less dangerous topics.
"And she forced Potter to use it?! Hilarious!"
"What is this talk about Potter and a blood quill?" Hearing about Potter getting hurt stirred the dormant bully within him.
"Professor Umbridge is making Potter literally bleed during his detention!" Draco smirked.
"Pfff! I can almost see scar-face crying his new booboo to his… WIFE!" Draco leaped from his seat and raced to the door, his smirk long gone.
"Mr Malfoy, class is about to start. Where are you going?" The soon-to-be deceased professor asked him.
"S-sorry, I have some urgent matters to attend to, please, excuse me!"
"If what I believe is going to happen, I have to get the hell away from- !" A scream died in his throat as, the moment he opened the door, he was face to face with Tanya Potter.
"Going somewhere, Draco?" As usual, the girl eyed him as if a bug had buzzed by.
"I-I… PLEASE, SPARE ME! I had nothing to do with-"
"Go back to your seat." In desperation, he managed the feat of running backward.
"Giggle! Look at her! Acting all high and mighty!"
"Thinks she is a big shot!"
"Have you forgotten?! She is a goddess! We have to pray to her!"
"'He' will have her barking and meowing in no time! Hahaha!"
"Do you reckon she is here to bitch around about her husband's detention?"
"Is she going to cry for mercy for him?! Hehehe!"
"P-p-please shut up! I am begging you!" No one listened to his desperate pleas; they all continued to mock the princess openly. The exceptions were Vincent and Gregory, who remembered her fierce power from the Hogwarts Express, and Daphne, who simply observed the events as they unfolded.
"…" Tanya Potter, on the other hand, either didn't hear or didn't care, she calmly walked towards her apparent target, Umbridge.
"Hem, hem! Why do you give us the pleasure of your company, Mrs Potter?" Smiling brightly, the woman asked in that insufferable voice of hers.
"Shouldn't you be in your own-"
"Where are your manners, Professor? To ask anything, you have to raise your hand first!" The woman's smile twitched, as the mocking tone was unmistakable.
"My dear, it appears you are confusing- mmmpphhh?!" The princess' infamous web spell rendered the frog unable to croak any longer.
"Tut, tut! I warned you and I must not tell lies!" She taunted Umbridge again, who, seething with anger, tried to draw her wand.
"Is your memory that bad? Wands away in class, remember?" More web was shot, gluing the professor's dominant hand at the table.
"Mmpphhh! Mmpphhh!" Stuck, the woman began to grunt and struggle, trying to break free, under the amused watch of Tanya Potter.
"Grunts still count as talking and your hand is not up, Professor Umbridge!"
"MMPPHH!"
"Alright, detention for you!" Smiling madly, the girl pulled out something that Draco couldn't see.
"Sorry, I don't have a magic quill, so we will need to make do with this pen." Easily, the struggling woman was forced back to her seat.
"Sit down and relax, I will do all the work…" Umbridge's face drained of color as her free hand was pinned to the table while the girl raised the muggle instrument high.
Everyone watched as the tense seconds dragged on, and then, in a rapid motion, she stabbed the pen into Umbridge's hand.
"MMMMPPPHHHH!"
"What was the line…? Oh!" Next, as if it were the most natural occurrence, she began to carve words into her hand.
"I… must…" The muffled screams proved to be too much for some, with Theodore and Tracey trying to run away. Quickly, the princess blocked their escape route by shooting her webs at the door.
"No, no, no! No skipping class! Back to your seats."
"P-princess, we are sorry if we offended you-"
"I said BACK TO YOUR SEATS!" Hurried, they went back.
"Now, where I was? Ah!" She restarted carving at Umbridge's hand.
"… not… say… lies." At last, she finished and the Slytherins let a bit of tension slip.
"Wait! It's not 'say lies' but 'tell lies', right?" She let out an exaggerated sigh.
"Sorry, my dear… I am afraid we will have to start over."
"Mph?!" Once more, the girl stabbed Umbridge with the pen and carved the words.
"I… must… not…"
"W-what are you doing…?!" Alerted by Pansy's whispers, Draco saw Millicent quietly rise from her seat and approach the distracted Tanya.
"S-she isn't going to-" It was as he imagined, the Slytherin girl sucker-punched the princess, and a loud crack echoed.
"ARGH!" Millicent screamed in pain holding her seemingly broken hand.
"Dumb girl! She can block the Unforgivables! Of course, punches are useless!"
"Ara? Oh, no! Miss Bulstrode, did you hurt yourself?" Once she was done with Umbridge, Tanya turned to his classmate with a concerned expression.
"It's okay, I know a magic trick to cast all the pain away!" Bearing a warm smile, she threw a straight punch into Millicent's guts. The large girl spat blood and knocked out cold.
"See? Unconscious, you can't feel a thing!" She said with a giggle, as though she was a little girl who did a good deed.
"And… WHO IS NEXT?!" Her features transformed abruptly from a sweet smile to a sinister glare.
"T-t-this sensation isexactly the same as when… when she defeated that dragon just by intimidating it!"
"Y-y-you can't do anything to us!" Draco stared at the girl beside him in shock, as if she were either the bravest person alive or… the dumbest.
"T-the dark- 'he' is going to make you c-cry again!"
"Ho? So you believe the dark lord will leave his hiding place with the sole purpose of saving the pampered kids of his followers?"
"W-well…" Pansy began to break down at the weight of the princess's direct blood-lust.
"Or maybe he will order all his followers, including your daddy, to come to exclusively save you?"
"I-I… sob!" The pressure became overwhelming for the girl, and she started to cry, finally understanding what she had brought upon herself.
"Answer the question, Miss Parkinson…!"
"Sob! N-no…"
"'No', what?!"
"EEKKKK! NO, MY PRINCESS!"
"Not quite what I wanted to hear… it's a start, though." She shook her head and moved to the center of the classroom.
"I will say without mincing words, Voldemort is a force to be reckoned with! There is no denying…" It was evident that admitting this was difficult for her.
"However, the same doesn't apply to you maggots! As you can see…" She pointed to the fallen Millicent.
"… your daddy and mommy death eaters won't come running to your rescue! Even less the dark lord!"
Seeing the surprise on the faces of most of the Slytherins, Draco understood he would have to distance himself from this bunch of dunderheads before he ends up stupidly dead like they certainly will.
"Hmmm… I realized a fatal error of strategy in my enemy. I mean, I could easily use you as hostages against your parents…!" She flashed a predatory grin at the Slytherins, causing the temperature in the room to plummet.
"What a nice idea! Regrettably, I am one of the good guys so I won't threaten you or force you to turncoat… probably."
"I knew it! We are all gonna die!" Draco had a sinking premonition his nightmares would eventually become true after all.
"No, today, my only wish is to teach you all a valuable lesson, one that will certainly save your lives if followed to the letter…" She took a big breath.
"DON'T YOU EVER FUCK WITH ME OR HARRY!" If Draco weren't so frightened, he might find the situation humorous.
"Not so brave to speak ill of the princess, are you?!" Now, his house mates were all trembling, struggling not to soil their pants, and definitely, they couldn't sneer at him anymore.
"Was the message received?!"
"""""Y-yeah…"""""
"I DIDN'T HEAR YOU!"
"""""""""YES, PRINCESS TANYA POTTER!"""""""""
"Good… (I think)!" She went back to the teacher's desk and took away the web covering Umbridge's mouth.
"What about you, professor?"
"Y-you little bitch!"
"I guess not…"
"You will pay dearly for this! Once I inform the ministry how you attacked me and tortured me, you will be thrown out of Hogwarts and right into Azkaban!" If the threat fazed the princess, she didn't let it show.
"Professor! My goodness, those are some grave accusations! I am appalled!" Umbridge's mouth curled in reaction to the girl's latest mockery.
"Before you send me all chained to Azkaban, mind if I ask where is your proof?"
"This is my proof!" She showed her left hand with two lines carved on it.
"Huh? This looks to me more like you had an accident with your own blood quill. By the way, aren't they illegal?"
"D-don't play stupid! I have ten- nine eyewitnesses!"
"Do you?" She directed the question at the class, which was eager to provide an immediate response.
"I-I-I saw nothing!"
"The princess was never here!"
"I-i-it was an accident… how the professor got her wounds!"
"Y-yeah! The teacher is so clumsy she hit herself with her own spell!"
"A-a-and Millicent, she err…"
"… slipped on a banana peel?"
"Yes! That!"
"…!" Umbridge was left speechless as she heard the entire class essentially turn against her.
"Do you see, professor? The ministry means nothing here, behind these walls I am the LAW! And, if I wished, I could easily condemn you to DEATH! You wouldn't be the first…"
"W-what are you saying?!"
"Haven't you ever wondered what happened to Gilderoy Lockhart?"
This revelation had the effect of deepening the horror for the already terrified Slytherins.
"Sob! D-Draco! I am so scared! You will protect me, right?! RIGHT?!"
"…" If Draco weren't so busy trying not to wet himself, he would tell Pansy to fuck off.
"Despite not being too much of a teacher, he turned out to be the perfect sacrifice to formalize the treaty with the acromantulas." Without breaking eye contact with Umbridge, the fearsome girl licked her lips.
"To this day, the spiders praise how delicious he was!"
"Y-you can't be serious! This is, without a doubt, a lie!"
"Aff! It seems you still haven't learned the main point of the lesson: I can't lie because 'I must not tell lies'! No matter, I will repeat the lesson until they are 'carved' into you!" Once more, the princess stabbed the dumb woman with a pen.
"AAARRRGGGHHH!" This time, she was able to scream very loudly.
"I… must… not…"
Regrettably, the teacher was not only bad at teaching but also a poor learner, forcing Draco to watch the princess repeat the same lesson again and again…
"Alright, you may begin your reports." From the magically enlarged fireplace, about a dozen flaming heads nodded in agreement.
This has been Tanya's daily routine: every morning, she goes to the headmaster's office for a meeting of the Order of the Phoenix before classes.
"You were spot on! We nabbed Sturgis Podmore, cursed with the Imperius, trying to nick the stone! Almost got ourselves exposed while restraining him!"
Leading the Order turned out to be a dream come true.
"We investigated Umbridge, sorry, she is clear! At least from being a Death Eater."
The way she handled people reminded her of the human resources job she had enjoyed so much.
"How about we abandon surveillance on Azkaban? The dementors are the best guards we could ask for."
Additionally, it was almost like she was back in the military, having been promoted to staff work at headquarters.
"My long awaited rear-echelon deployment!" Indeed, it was delightful to be back to administrative work.
"HEHEHE!Createtimetables, assign roles, and give orders; while I myself am in a place far from any danger!" She wanted to sing these words aloud.
"Very good, all of you! Now, I believe it's premature to relax our vigilance on the suspects or Azkaban. I have decided we will reduce personnel watching the stone to increase…" Additionally, Tanya had to concede how, up to this point, she had no further complaints about the Order of the Phoenix. They had been diligently monitoring potential and confirmed Death Eaters, guarding the stone of the prophecy, gathering intelligence, and recruiting with outstanding efficiency.
"… and to close, how is training going?" Groans filled the room.
"About that, Tanya…" Mr Weasley began.
"Mundungus Fletcher had to go to St Mungo's! One acromantula managed to catch him and took a bite of his arm!"
"WHAT?!" Tanya was shocked at this news.
"I am glad to see that you care! Don't worry, the healers were able to regrow-"
"Is Sangog okay?!"
"Who?"
"The acromantula!"
"Eh?! Well… I reckon I saw it in pain. Maybe Dung's piece didn't sit well and it had a stomachache."
"Crap! He probably will refuse to help after tasting Fletcher's unhygienic spoiled flesh! Bleargh!"
"Does this mean we are relieved from-"
"I can't believe it! Do any of you have the most remote idea of how much work it was to turn him docile?!"
Arthur Weasley's flaming head widened his eyes.
"… it was… docile?! That monster?!"
"No choice… I will ask one of the man-eaters to take over!"
"A-a man-eater?"
"Mr Weasley, please warn all the trainees that they will have to double their efforts in future sessions. If they don't wanna get EATEN whole, of course."
"Tanya! This is inhuman!"
"If you have the time to complain, spend it doing all you can to survive! Meeting adjourned."
"Wait! We-" She ended the floo network connection.
"See what happens when you can get everything handed to you with magic? We get an entire community who rarely wants to put in any work!"
Needless to say, none of her trainees would be eaten whole. Tanya had allowed the Acromantulas to, at most, chomp a leg or an arm.
"Those sleaze bags will work harder for a change if they think their lives are at risk." This was one of the best parts of her new job. Since they were a secret organization, they didn't have an avenue to complain about hazardous working conditions.
"Hehehe! All they can do is whine about it! Those sissies wouldn't think of using their magic to… push me into an oncoming train?!" Such a disturbing thought had her pause for a moment.
"N-no, they would never! Definitely!" She shook her head recalling that, besides being their boss, she was their future savior's wife.
"… yeah… I am Mrs Potter!" And until Professor Snape hopefully discovers a cure, she has OBLIGATIONS as such. Fortunately, being in a school drastically reduced their opportunities to engage in any intimacy…
"It still won't stop my beast of a husband to try!" This had become her second new morning routine: Harry would try to take her to the room of requirements to have sex only to be stopped by Hermione.
"And regardless of how much Hermione threatened, he would try the same the next day!" His disregard for rules and authority was as problematic as his tendency to find trouble.
"Thinking back, it was inevitable for him to clash with Umbridge!" Having said that, it was a wonder how he managed to provoke her into giving him detention during their very first lesson. And, guess what she discovered the next day? She had tortured him.
"He no longer has the protection of the prophecy! He could die from something as insignificant as an infection!" Of course, Tanya's answer was swift, plus she used the opportunity to put the Slytherins back in their place.
She held back the grin on her face seeing the woman the next day, with her face and hands all covered in bandages.
'I had an accident during class while demonstrating a spell to Miss Bulstrode.' The funniest part was how she used the Slytherins' own made-up excuse (except the one about the banana peel).
'This points out what I have been trying to tell, magic must be taught in a proper and controlled environment!' Regrettably, Umbridge's classes remained as bad as ever, the single change being that she completely ignores Tanya and Harry now.
"Aff… how low have I fallen! To threaten another human being with torture and murder!How utterly despicable!" Being a pacifist at heart, she wasn't proud of her recent actions. However, if she learned something from that world cursed by war is that to have peace, one must constantly fight for it.
"Tanya!" Her thoughts were interrupted by the formidable enemy she must defeat to regain her peaceful bachelor life back.
"How was the meeting?"
"Good. Is your hand better?"
"It doesn't hurt anymore."
"You sure? If you notice some strange coloration, warn me! We will fly to St Mungo's immediately!"
"Okay. Say, are you free?"
"Yes. Why- AH?!" He grabbed her hand and ran, pulling her along.
"Don't tell me you want to try again! Haven't you learned your lesson, yet? Hermione will catch us!"
"No, I got what I have been doing wrong!" Without stopping, he grinned at her.
"Hermione knows about the room of requirements! We just need to find someplace else! Here!" He finished the run by proudly pointing to a closet.
"You can't expect me to have sex with you in a broom closet!"
"Why not? I will apply the charm-"
"Ahem!" Not so surprisingly, Hermione showed up to intervene.
"Blimey! How can you always find us?!"
"I told you, I have my sources…" It proceeded as usual, the prefect giving a sermon to Harry, who, defiantly, would promise to try again. And, to Tanya's great joy, Hermione would keep them company before the start of classes, and after. Granting her a much deserved peaceful day.
"I almost feel sorry for Harry. He has no idea you gave me the Marauder's Map to keep an eye on him."
"I am sorry for you, who had to watch him every morning this week."
"That is okay, it's part of the job!"
"No, you deserve my thanks… prefect!"
"Tanya?"
"I am adult enough to admit I was wrong. You turned out to be splendid for the position!"
"Oh! Are you serious?!" Tanya nodded.
"Honestly, being recognized as the best wouldn't make up for having to handle all those kids!" Fred and George Weasley alone were enough to make her want to stay away from that badge.
"Thank you! Thank you so much! This means a lot coming from you!"
"You are welcome!" Besides, it doesn't indicate she was out of the running for head girl.
The following morning, the two girls were surprised to find the staircase to their dormitory had transformed into a slide. When they went down, they found Harry lying face down on the floor.
"Let me guess: another of your attempts to reach me to have sex?"
"Uh…" Presumably, he planned to meet her before Hermione woke up and could stop them. It would have been a sound strategy if it weren't for the anti-boys defensive magic in the female dormitories.
"… this so unfair… sob!" Seeing the boy whining pitifully on the floor made both girls feel pity for him.
"Jeez…maybe once in a while I could- No! I must not compromise about sex!" She slapped herself to regain her sanity back.
"His lewd skills improved too much! I am experiencing a hard time trying to get this female body back to a life without intercourse!" Or else, how would she divorce him in the future?
"Pleasure turned out to bea terrific weapon! I wonder, could this be the reason Being X gave me a female body in the first place?" Perhaps, it had been the plan all along should she reach an older age.
"Grrr! Makes sense! Besides, the curse of the Type 95 and the war, I would have to fight the urges and hormones of a female teenage body! GAHHH!" The thought of that Martian poltergeist causing her more trouble made her totally forget about the boy, going as far as to step on him as she walked past on her way to the Order meeting.
"Tanya?! Aren't you going to help Harry?! You stepped on him!" She completely ignored Hermione, who likely stayed behind, trying to console her husband.
Later, once her meeting was over, she found neither Harry nor Hermione, making the rest of her morning pleasantly solitary. They showed up nearly at the end of breakfast, both in high spirits.
"Tanya! I convinced Harry to abide by the rules!"
"Really?!" She turned to her husband, expecting to see traces of deceit in his face and finding none.
"Yes, I am sorry for everything! I promise to not try to sneak around with you anymore!"
This news had the girl in a wonderful mood all day long, it made Tanya not only glad to have Hermione as the prefect but even remorseful for how envious she had been.
"I should do something nice for her to make up." However, she should have known better than to let her guard down, because as soon as Saturday morning dawned…
"Tanya!" The moment she left Dumbledore's office, the boy took her hand and dragged her along, pulling her into a hurried run.
"What the heck?!" What dumbfounded her the most was how he managed to fool her.
"No matter, today I will have Professor Snape give him some- huh? Where are we going?" Instead of taking her to the room of requirements or a closet, they reached the castle gates where Filch stopped them.
"Aha! I caught you two trying to sneak out of the castle- what?!" Harry triumphantly showed him a sheet of paper. The caretaker snatched it from Harry's hand and after reading for a bit, he begrudgingly opened the gates to let them out.
"Ehhhhh?!" She was astonished to find themselves out in the open, running towards Hogsmeade.
"H-hold on! What did you- ah?!" He halted his run long enough to lift her in a bridal carry.
"Sorry, I forgot you have short legs! We can go faster this way!"
"Don't you dare comment on my height! And, what did you show him?!"
"A permission for us to go to Hogsmeade every weekend."
"WHAT?! HOW?!"
"Hermione convinced Professor McGonagall. Said to either let us out or risk finding us shagging in a broom closet!"
"THAT DAMN TRAITOR SET ME UP?!"
"I have already rented a room for us! Of course, first, we will have breakfast- Ah? Why am I running?!" He soared through the air with her still in his arms.
"Have I ever mentioned how much I regret teaching him to fly?!"
Several hours later…
"Yawn! Shit! Damn horny beast!" Tanya could barely focus on her homework so tired of screwing almost all day. And she was lucky Harry had promised to help Ron in his first quidditch practice.
"Hehehe!" And to add salt to the injury, she had to endure Hermione proudly boasting about 'helping' her friend.
"You don't need to thank me! It's all a day in the job of a prefect!" If before Tanya wanted the badge to blow up in her chest…
"Now, I want to force her to EAT it… and then have it BLOW UP!"
"Oh, Harry, Ron. You are back." Tanya saw Harry return from a training session full of energy whilst Ron, as much as herself, appeared dead tired.
"How the heck does he do that?!"
"How was practice?" Hermione asked.
""Lousy!"" They answered together. While Ron retreated to the boys' dorm, Harry took a chair and sat close to her.
"…!" She couldn't help blushing when he winked at her, recalling their morning together.
"Ahh! And here I was, thinking his skill would dull without practice…" She was completely wrong.
"Instead, he got even better! How could it be possible?! The deprivation only made him more passionate!" This made her realize how urgent it was to find a cure before she got so addicted to sex that no amount of potions would safeguard her from getting PREGNANT.
"My love, I can hardly hold myself for tomorrow!"
"T-tomorrow?!" She had totally forgotten the weekends had two days…
And on Sunday, at night.
"I am… on my last legs!" Tanya declared to Hermione, closing her books.
"Yawn! I will see if I can finish the homework tomorrow-"
"GIT!" She turned to the boys hearing Ron's scream.
"Ron! If he wasn't your brother, I would curse him to death!"
From what she could gather from their conversation, Percy had sent a letter to congratulate Ron on becoming a prefect and to recommend he sever ties with Harry and those close to Dumbledore.
"I mean, he could say anything about me but to badmouth Tanya?!"
She frowned at the mention of her name.
"What did he say about me?" Not waiting for a response, she grabbed the piece of parchment.
'… such a violent girl must be suffering from a mental disability, Dumbledore and Potter are taking advantage of her…'
Reading one line was enough.
"Err, Tanya- eek!" Ron shrieked as the letter unexpectedly burst into flames in her hands.
"P-please! Don't kill Percy! Mum would be sad!"
"Let's send him a howler!" She was almost grateful to Percy; after a weekend of being literally screwed over and over again, she wanted to vent her frustrations on someone.
"Oh? Just a howler? Okay." Ron, Harry, and Hermione looked relieved until she let out an evil laugh.
Two days later, the Daily Prophet would include a note about several Ministry employees being admitted to St. Mungo's for treatment of deafness.
AN: I was mistaken in thinking there would be little happening at Hogwarts this year, this chapter has turned out to be my longest yet, and the next two will be just as lengthy. To make up for this, I'll ensure shorter chapters in the next arc.
Regarding the Thestrals, here's my idea: they can be seen by people who have witnessed death, just like in the original story. However, once a person overcomes their grief or the shock of the death, the Thestrals will become invisible again. Additionally, those who have seen death on a larger scale (like Tanya) will see Thestrals in their true form: beautiful, winged horses with shining black fur. Tanya was meant to mention this, but I couldn't find the right moment to include it.
As for the Slytherins, they've all heard from their parents about how Tanya was humiliated by Voldemort, yet the Dark Lord still wants her by his side. This has made them jealous of her, a blood traitor, and as usual, they've resorted to gossiping and bullying her in revenge.
I'll ask again: if you want more chapters, leave a review! One day, I might lose patience and stop writing altogether. You've been warned!
Next chapter: Lots of things! Umbridge, in her quest for revenge, takes possession of the ultimate weapon against Tanya; The Princess Royal Guard- I mean, Dumbledore's army; and the married couple's true honeymoon.