The summer air drifted through the open window I stared out of as the sun rose. All I could think of was how Jacen would've loved this sunrise. I shrank away from the sun's warmth as the sinking feeling in my stomach returned. I didn't deserve to feel it. Yet the only reason I'd gotten sunburned at all this summer was because of I sat in front of the window facing east every day. I'd only stepped outside a few times because my presence was requested by Bello, not for any reason of my own.

My bangs were now starting to get in my eyes and my dark wavy hair was unkempt from barely brushing it at Aunt Ginny's insistence. I refused to leave the house, and I refused to leave Bello home alone with the rest of the Potters.

Letters piled on the desk, gathering dust. Owls kept bringing more, but I could never find the energy to lift the quill to the parchment. Besides, even if I did, what was there left to say? Really. What else could I say?

The last two years of my life had changed everything. I was a child sent off to war for my special talents. My brother was captured by the three villains returned from the dead, and returned under the control of Gellert Grindelwald. My mother had gone into a coma. One of my other best friends got captured. Another got burned by her own special fire. Yet another was dead now. My father was arrested for possibly influencing my brother to go dark (they never knew the truth). Now Jacen was dead, and it was all my fault.

Because I was the one who killed him.

"Ella? Can you please come down here?"

I sighed and reluctantly, slowly rose to my feet to come to my grandmother.

"Now!"

"I'm coming!" Still, for good measure, I ran down the steps, only to stumble and fall off of the last step. I ignored the pain and sprang to my feet, running to see the family gathered in the living room, including my three cousins and my two-year-old brother, Bello.

"We're going out to a brunch in Diagon Alley," Grandmother Lily explained. "You never go out with us much, so it's mandatory."

I stared blankly at her, trying to make sense of the words in the fog that clouded my brain. Lily, my cousin, walked up to me, and glanced back at Grandmother Lily.

"I'll get her ready," she promised, then escorting me upstairs. I took a shower, shaved my legs, did everything they wanted me to do. Lily even helped me brush out my unkempt hair. I dressed in the blue dress that belonged to Lily before she shot up an inch in June, and the sandals that belonged to Aunt Ginny.

I pretended that I was fine as I followed them into the Floo. I pretended I was fine as I sat through the brunch blankly. I pretended that I wasn't still hurting so bad for what I couldn't have. What I'd destroyed.

That's what it came down to, wasn't it? I destroyed everything. Everyone that I was close to was in stitches or worse. Dead, injured, imprisoned, or in despair. Or more.

I'm a curse, I thought as my two-year-old brother smiled at me. I'm a curse to everyone around me. I wish he wouldn't love me. I'll just end up hurting him, won't I? One way, or another.

I rubbed my arms and kept my head down as we exited the restaurant.

"Ella!"

My head shot up. I hadn't talked to him since summer began.

"Gavin!"

I ignored anyone from my family, and walked over to him and hugged.

"Kieran, Rowan, and I, we were getting worried about you," Gavin said. "You haven't written. What's been going on?"

"I just haven't had the energy," I said quietly.

"I understand," he said. "I miss Tip and Jacen and Mara-Jade, too. But still, you need help. I wish I didn't have to say this here and now, but I don't know if I'll see you again until September. Talk to someone, please. I'm asking as one of your best friends."

"I will," I said, if only trying to make my friends happy. "Or at least, I'll try."

"Thank you," Gavin said. "It was nice seeing you. I think your aunt wants you."

I turned to see an angry and impatient Aunt Ginny and reluctantly trudged towards her. I knew what was next, thought. A visit to St. Mungo's. The waiting room and white walls filled with portraits always made me a little excited. I'd be able to see Mum.

God, I missed her. I wished she'd wake up and figure out how to help me get everyone out of this mess. More urgently, though, I just wanted her and Daddy to be here.

I held her hand when I went in, and began telling her about my day.

"And I saw a sunrise that Jacen would love," I said, almost drifting off. "You remember that, don't you? How he loved getting up early to see all the colors? How you said we were crazy for getting up while it was still dark in the first place? How you can't function before noon without a cup of coffee?"

I smiled, then looked down to my mother's graying hair, transfigured purple. What would she think of me if she knew what had happened? What I'd done?

"I love you."