Author's Note: Hey Everyone, Happy 6th Anniversary! It has been a long time ok a very long time. I have put off telling you long enough. In May I became depressed but that was not out of the ordinary. Usually when I get depressed it's just for a couple of weeks and I am over it. Not this time. It only got worse and worse. My mental state changed so much. I had to stop looking at myself in the mirror and I stopped taking photos of myself because I hated myself. I hated the way I looked and hated myself in general. I desperately wanted to modify everything about my body and face to transform into what I wanted. I wanted to make myself unrecognizable to myself because I hated myself. This kept on and kept on getting worse. I know the last time I posted in July I sounded happy but that was just a lie to you and myself. I was still in a very bad place in July and I took a trip to try and "reset" myself. I came home and felt better. I thought it had worked but it didn't. Within a few days I was back to being depressed. By this point I no longer understood what was happening. I would stop being depressed for a couple of hours to several hours but this had a negative side to it. Everytime I had a "high" I would experience an even greater "low". I decided to give up on being happy. The lows I was experiencing I could not stand. I gave up anything that brought any joy to me. I became a very negative person saying there is no point in having hopes and dreams. They are just things that can never come true so why have them. This is life not a fairytale. There are no happy endings in life. This helped stop the "highs" I was experiencing but without them I become just as depressed. By the time September rolled around I was no longer in control of my emotions. I experienced my first ever anxiety attack and would sob uncontrollably at times. By this point only 2 people in my life noticed something was off about me. This felt good and bad. I have countless people in my life and I am clearly not the same person I was a few months ago and only 2 of them noticed. At this point I had enough and I tried and "failed" (apparently failed is not politically correct but I don't know how else to say it.) to take my life. This is when my best friend stepped in and forced me to make an appointment with my doctor. She made me send her the confirmation that I had made the appointment. The only problem was I was at the bottom of a very long list. I once again tried and "failed" to take my life. This 2nd time I was so scared. I wanted to die but was scared of death. I then actually regretted it and worked to try and reverse the effects and prayed that I would live. As you can see I did. I finally made it to my appointment and told my doctor everything and held nothing back. He completely understood what I was experiencing and was very concerned and he ran a bunch of tests to make sure I was ok physically because I have had Major Depression as long as I can remember and never had to take anything for it. We both wanted to see if we could identify a trigger of any kind. All my tests came back normal. He prescribed an Anti-Depressant. I waited a few days to take them because I wasn't sure I wanted them. Anti-Depressant's would force me to be happy and change me and alter my mind. I decided to take them and if I didn't like the way I felt I would stop. The 3rd day on them I noticed something. I was looking at myself in the mirror. I was like no way. They cannot be working this quickly. By the end of the week I was really feeling the effects and it just kept getting better and my doctor was please and so was I. So we both agreed to increase the dosage and that's when I really "changed". For the first time in a long time I was happy. Truly happy! It wasn't being forced, it was coming naturally! I did end up becoming a completely different person though but it is the person who was always inside me but had been sealed away my whole life. My whole life I put everyone else's happiness before my own. I also didn't want to do anything I thought was fun because people would judge me and that might stop liking me. I no longer care what people think of me and I do what makes ME happy! I am sorry this Chapter is so short! I have so much going on right now!

Chapter 54

Simon's Awake

(6th Anniversary Chapter)

As Alvin settled into his bed, the hospital room fell into silence. The only sound was the soft beeping of Simons monitors and the steady rhythm of Alvin's breathing. His thoughts were consumed by Simon, his brother, his love, lying motionless in the bed beside him.

Hours passed, each one feeling like an eternity as Alvin drifted in and out of sleep. He dreamed of happier times, of laughter and music, of adventures shared with Simon by his side. He also dreamed of their future together.

Suddenly, a faint stirring in the room caught Alvin's attention. He looked towards Simon's bed. Was he just dreaming, or had he seen a slight movement?

With renewed hope racing through his veins, Alvin leaned closer to Simon, his heart pounding with anticipation.

Alvin: Simon? Can you hear me?

There was no response, but Alvin refused to give up. Alvin used all his strength and walked over to Simon's bed and gently brushed his fingers against Simon's cheek, desperate for any sign of life.

Alvin: Simon, it's me, Alvin. Can you hear me?

For a moment, there was nothing but silence. And then Simon's eyelids fluttered open.

Simon: Alvin? He says weakly.

Alvin: Yes, it's me! Simon, you're awake!

Tears of relief streamed down Alvin's face as he leaned in closer holding Simon's hand tightly.

Alvin: I've missed you so much, Simon!

Simon gave a faint smile.

Simon: I've missed you too Alvin.

Alvin: I love you, Simon! I love you so much!

Simon: I love you too, Alvin.

Author's Note: As always let me know what you think! Over the past 6 years, I have really appreciated all of the messages and reviews that I have gotten on this story so let me know what you think! Never thought this story would still be going on 6 years later!