Cruisin' for a Bruisin'!
PART 3!
The next morning, the team went to investigate Hoot's laboratory. As they looked around the area, they found that the place looked like it had been hit by a tornado, but there was no sign of Dr. Hoot.
"Anyone found anything of note?" asked the Captain. "There has to be some kinda clue around here..."
"I found sum leftovers," said Pig-Iron, helping himself to the contents of Hoot's refrigerator. "He's at least got good taste there."
"Nothing to report here, CC," said Rubberduck as he retracted his neck. "Plus, all that stretching was murder on my neck. There's more hallways than in the entire Star Boars film series!"
"I think I may have found something, guys," Little Cheese said, as he brought over a tape before returning to normal size. "Feast your eyes on this," he said as he loaded it into the tape player.
The video then played, showing what seemed to be The Bruise Crew's dimension—they had completely taken over every part of their world, statewise and internationally no less. Any traces of nature were replaced with blackened, smog-filled skies, and stuffed to the gills with tons of smoke-spewing factories [kinda like Gnu Jersey!] and whatnot as they saw The Bruise Crew spreading terror and chaos to all in their dimension.
"Gol-ly! Looks like Cappy was right after all!" Fastback exclaimed. "These guys ARE the bad guys after all!"
"And not only that, look at all the damage they've done to their own dimension!" cried out Yankee Poodle. "Those poor children…with no parents to care for them."
"There, there, Rova," Rubberduck urged. "I'm sure we'll find some way to bring those creeps down, and bring justice to everyone who had their lives ruined."
"What REALLY makes me wonder is why would they record all this stuff?" asked Little Cheese.
"Mebbe they like seein' their carnage?" asked Pig-Iron. "Probably the same thing as a parent recordin' their kid's foist steps!"
"Well, what can we do?" Alley-Kat-Abra chimed in. "These guys are tougher, not to mention, they're more brutal! They're like a well-oiled machine!"
"Well, we're like that too, Felina," Captain Carrot replied as he put his hand on Felina's shoulder. "And we can win this, no matter what happens in the end, it's what Superslam and that Beast Kid woulda done, and by golly, we're gonna do it. Because we're not ordinary heroes, we are CAPTAIN CARROT AND HIS AMAZING ZOO CREW! Now, who's with me?!"
The heroes then cheered as Captain Carrot then noticed a message taped to some sort of package. He picked it off and read it over.
"Heya, Carrot! By now, you've probably discovered this little message, AND figgered us out. We were sick of the goody two-paws act, anyway! Now, if ya got the guts, you an' yer pet-shop pack can meet us at the City Center for our final showdown. Ya might be scared to lose, but there's no point in bein' afraid of the inevitable," he read. "Oh, and one more tiny little thing...—the place is rigged to explode. Figured we could stall long enough before ya ran outta time!"
Captain Carrot lifted his head, eyes wide. "EXPLODE?!" he exclaimed, getting everyone's attention. "Let's get outta here, crew!"
And so…
The Zoo Crew managed to escape the lab, seconds before it went up in a tremendous explosion!
SKRAKA-LAKA-BA-BOOMPA!
As the group caught their breath, they took a look at what had happened to Califurnia.
Before, it had been a bustling metropolis, filled to the brim with civilians and various outlets...but now, it was a chaos-filled, anarchy-driven society with The Bruise Crew destroying everything in sight and enslaving the civilians.
"And don't forget to recite my speech about how everyone will love and obey us!" K-Rot demanded, holding President Mallard Filmore by the neck. "AND MAKE IT SNAPPY, Y'HEAR?!"
"Y-yes, of course!" gulped President Filmore, as he took out the papers and looked over them. "It is here and now, that we honor our new overlords—"
"Well, don't crown 'em just yet, Prez!" called Captain Carrot, getting everyone's attention. "After all, we've got some objections!"
"Captain Carrot and the Zoo Crew!" exclaimed President Filmore. "Thank goodness!"
"WHAT?!" snarled K-Rot as he backhanded Filmore aside. "Impossible! You all should have been fricasseed to bits in that explosion! But no matter...that was just the first part of our plan! The next part is the showdown!"
With a snap of his fingers, The Bruise Crew arrived at Kommander K-Rot's side to exact their aggressive vengeance. All at once, everyone stood at opposite sides, like they were in a western standoff. It was so tense, you could almost see the lone tumbleweed bouncing across the street.
Captain Carrot took a bite out of a Cosmic Carrot to gain some power, while Kommander K-Rot munched on an avocado and a chocolate bar.
President Fillmore bit his nails while sweating like a sprinkler.
"Okay, you conniving, chaotic copy, if we win we get to kick you out of this dimension for good!" Captain Carrot then glared at K-Rot. "You got all that? Cause if so—ZOO CREW, LET'S STOP 'EM!"
"OK, you do-gooding dope, you ASKED FOR IT!" Kommander K-Rot yelled as he flew into battle along with the rest of The Bruise Crew. "BRUISE CREW, MAKE MUSH OUTTA THESE MASH-HEADS!"
And so, the two teams finally clashed as they collided in a fantastic clash of super-strength, elasticity, super-speed, cosmically-generated food powers, opposing nations, and magic, culminating in a tremendous fight cloud seen from the viewpoint of the citizens.
Of course, it was every animal for himself as the whole city conducted an evacuation while the two opposite sides were duking it out against each other.
Battle #1:
Sorcer-Roar VS. Alley-Kat-Abra
Both Sorcer-Roar and Alley-Kat-Abra were flinging spells of all varieties at each other, elemental, energy beams, neither feline giving an inch, which led to a brief struggle utilizing their magical energies.
Alas, Sorcer-Roar seized victory, and used a giant trout-shaped construct to smack Alley into a wall.
"Hang up the cloak and retire, you old pussycat!" Sorcer-Roar bellowed as she scarfed down an anchovy, and drank some milk before belching again. "You lost this one already, and soon you'll be swimming with the bloody fishes!"
"Fishes…that's it! What a PURR-FECT idea!" Alley-Kat-Abra smirked as she summoned a giant plate full of fish, with a huge pitcher of milk. "Looks like you were hungry and thirsty, the refreshments are on me, so enjoy!"
"Oh wow, for me?!" Sorcer-Roar was seen licking her lips in happiness for once at all the food and drink near her. "Never had a foe be this hospitable before...ah, well! Chow time!"
And so, as Sorcer-Roar gorged herself silly, Alley-Kat-Abra watched with a smirk as her plan unfolded.
GOBBLE!
SMACK!
CHOMP!
GLUG-GLUG-GLUG…
BUUUUUUUUURRP!
Soon, Sorcer-Roar's firm stomach had grown into a plus, plus, plus-sized potbelly, and her face was stained with milk.
As she waddled forward, she shook her wrists. "Thanks for a fancy feast, but now I gotta get rid of your nine lives!" she declared, but as she prepared to fire a spell…her magic fizzled like a wet firecracker.
PBBBT.
"Oi! What's goin' on here?" she asked, before she clutched her gurgling stomach in pain. "Now I know…I ate too much…!"
"Bingo, my fellow feline!" Alley-Kat-Abra laughed, slapping her knee. "You remind me of Yankee after Thanksgiving dinner…minus the after-nap workout!"
"Stop laughing at me!" Sorcer-Roar snarled as she rounded on her counterpart. "You think it's funny makin' me look like I just raided an entire Italian restaurant?"
"No…but this is!" Alley replied as she used Magic Wanda to conjure an anvil out of thin air—which flattened Sorcer-Roar with a huge metal CLANG. "After all, anvils are pretty funny!"
As Sorcer-Roar pulled herself free from beneath the massive metal object, she'd been flattened into a manhole cover. Now that she'd been flattened, she collapsed, exhausted as Alley-Kat-Abra trapped her in a magically-constructed cage.
Battle #2:
Yankee Poodle vs. Anarchist Collie
Meanwhile, Yankee Poodle was having a tough time, especially with Anarchist Collie slashing her stripes in half, and bashing aside her stars with her sickle and hammer.
"Dahling, why must you be so aggressive?!" Yankee questioned her crazed combatant as she dodged her sickle swings. "Have you considered taking anger management classes?"
"BAH! Such classes would do no good for the takeover of your dimension, American PIG!" Anarchist Collie snapped as she bisected Yankee Poodle's afro, and whacked her with her hammer, sending her into a nearby pile of mud. "And like any pig, here is mud for you to wallow in!"
As Rova struggled to her feet, she saw the top half of her afro falling to the ground, and began to whimper as her eyes grew teary. How could she be recognized as a reporter interviewing famous celebrities now that her famous 'fro was sliced to bits? How could she interview celebrities like Sarah Jessica Barker, Drew Featherymore, Catthew Perry, Jay Z-bra, and Justin Timberwolf now?
And then...after the sorrow, there came the rage.
"OH, THAT'S IT, SISTER!" Yankee growled. "YOU JUST LET THE DOG OUT!"
As she let out a howl of rage, she used her stripes to grab Anarchist Collie's sickle, then broke it with her stars before she dodged a downward swing from Collie's hammer as she then used her stars to repel another swing, and make her hit herself with said hammer, leaving her stunned, and seeing stars and stripes. Yankee Poodle finished up with a haymaker that sent her flying onto a nearby flagpole.
"Пожалуйста, no more, I beg of you!" Collie cried out in fear. "I have had enough beatings for one day, yes? Just take ME to gulag this time around!"
"Alright, Dahling, if you insist," Yankee then smirked as she looked at her nails. "But this time, don't cry all over my boots. I just got these cleaned. I might've learned a thing or two from Alley's Kat-Fu classes, but I prefer stars and stripes over sucker punches any day of the week."
Battle #3:
Little Cheese VS. Big Fromage
At that moment, Little Cheese was in big trouble, dodging and darting past tossed cars, and avoiding Big Fromage's fists and feet, which attempted to flatten our half-sized hero into a whiskered pancake.
"HA-HA-HA-HA! You spineless little twerp!" Big Fromage taunted the Micro Mouse. "I bet you couldn't even fight your way out of a paper bag, you coward!"
"Now I know what it's like bein' a citizen in a Dogzilla movie!" Little Cheese commented.
And then, inspiration struck.
"A-ha! Time to employ something that always works in th' movies," he mused. "Let's hope it works in my life, too!"
Reducing his size even further, Little Cheese scurried up the sleeve of Big Fromage's costume, while the brobdingnagian vermin was searching for his miniscule nemesis, making sure to smash every building he could get his hands on.
"Now where IS that little punk—huh?" he muttered, before he suddenly felt a squirming sensation in his suit. "Heh-heh-heh...HA-HA-HA-HA-HAH! STOP IT! I'M TICKLISH!" he bellowed, swept up in an uproar of laughter. As he was laughing, he stumbled around, tripped over a car and fell on a fireworks factory. "YEEEOW!" he exclaimed as he sprang to his feet, smacking his backside to douse the flames.
Once that was done, Big Fromage started feeling around his person to see what was up. "Somethin's makin' me do this…" he wondered. "But what?"
"You mean WHO, wiseguy!" a familiar voice declared, as Little Cheese resumed his base size. "By the way, big guy—I been meanin' to give you THIS!"
Then, he bounded over and socked Big Fromage in the stomach. WHOOMPH!
Then, he leaped up and delivered another successful haymaker to his face...POW!...and the big rat fell to the ground.
"TIM-BERRRR!" Little Cheese called, as Big Fromage hit the ground with a tremendous CRASH! "I always wanted to say that!"
Battle #4:
Fastback VS. Hardshell
Meanwhile, the two rip-roaring reptiles, aka Fastback and Hardshell, were trading blows in a speedster slugfest so fast that no one could see who was winning, resulting in a speedy tornado within which the two turtles were still brawling.
"I-is that all ya got?!-" Fastback was losing his breath as he tried to punch his opponent out of the tornado. "Cause ah've still got sum fight left in me, ya dis-reputable pretender…"
"The only pretender ah' see here, hombre, is YEW!" Hardshell declared, as he decked Fastback out of the tornado. "Now take a hike, ya no-good hayseed! There's a new law in this town and its name is HARDSHELL! YEE-HAAH!"
As the reptilian rocket plunged to the ground, he skidded on his shell and bounced off several demolished buildings like he was a pinball. Of course, it was only a temporary reprieve, as Hardshell came down with a drop-kick that sent Fastback flying into a hardware store. As his counterpart shot toward him, Fastback was struck—by inspiration!
"So this feller thinks he kin out-muscle me in a fight?" Fastback pondered as he looked around at the tools surrounding him. "Well, ah reckon ah'll hafta out-think him!"
=====
A LITTLE WHILE LATER…
"Now...where'd that wimp slink off ta?" asked Hardshell, as his eyes roved over the abandoned store. "No sign of 'im. Heh...looks lahk he slunk off after all!" he laughed. "With his tail b'tween his legs, too, ah reckon!"
Suddenly, a barrage of wrenches of every shape and size came flying from the shadows and began to hit him in the head!
KLUNK! KLUNK! BONK! KLANK! KLONK!
"Agh! Ow! Yah! What's th' big ah-dea?!" shouted Hardshell, seconds before he was knocked off his feet by a massive trash can, that sent him tumbling into a display shelf of toilets.
CRASH!
Struggling to his feet, he pulled off the toilet seat stuck around his neck. But as he did, a sledgehammer came spinning through the air, and struck him in the plastron, leaving a massive crack in the surface.
Once he took notice, he gasped in horror.
"Muh shell! Mah perfect plastron!" he cried, before his eyes swirled with rage, and he clenched his fists. "That contemptible, do-goodin' dope! Ah'm gonna make a footstool outta him! How DARE he disrespect me lahk this!"
"Izzat right? Well, par-don me, hombre!" said Fastback as he sped in. "How SHOULD ah disrespect ya? How about...lahk THIS?"
Before Hardshell could even blink, the reptilian rocket blitzed forward, and peppered him with a dozen blows to his chest.
"Or maybe lahk this?" BAM! "How about this?" THWAK! "Or one'a these?" P-p-POW!
By the time it was done, Hardshell could hardly stand up straight, he was wobbling in place, and stars were practically swirling around his head.
"Y'know, ah feel powerful bad about whut ah just went an' did," said Fastback, strolling over with his hands behind his back. "How's about ah provide ya with a brand-NEW one?"
Winding up his right arm, Fastback delivered a powerful right-hook, sending his criminal counterpart soaring through the air, and he landed with a KER-SPLUNK right inside a trash can!
"Hope you appreciate it!" Fastback smiled as he slammed the lid atop the can.
"Why don'chu just can it already?" groaned Hardshell.
"I already did!" Fastback smiled.
Battle #5:
Rubberduck VS. Elastic-Fowl
Elsewhere, Rubberduck and Elastic Fowl were engaged in a one-on-one boxing match, since they shifted their hands into gloves, and were trading blow after blow, then began wrapping around each other like a pair of pythons. As they grappled, they started bouncing around before they smashed through the wall of a bowling alley, which knocked them apart.
Next, they each shifted a hand into fencing foils, and began to duel some more.
K-TING! K-TING! K-TING! K-TING!
"As a duelist, you're sorely D-list!" scoffed Rubberduck. "I've seen better sword fighting from Errol Finn or even Adog West!"
"When I finish with you, the only thing they'll remember is your box office bombs, like my last piece, The Adventures of Poodle Nash!" Elastic Fowl retorted, before he shifted his foot into a boot and kicked Rubberduck out of the bowling alley, and sent flying into another factory. "And now, for The End of Rubberduck! WAK WAK WAK WAK!"
As Elastic Fowl made his way over, Rubberduck raised his head and shook it to clear out the cobwebs. Glancing around, he saw that he'd landed in a starch producing factory. All at once, inspiration struck.
"Hey, you red-breasted reject!" called Rubberduck. "Betcha can't come an' get me!"
"You think I can't?" called Elastic Fowl as he stretched over, then grabbed his doppelganger's arm. "Hah! Now I got you—" Suddenly, the hand he'd grabbed started pulling him back. "Huh? What the...?"
Suddenly, Rubberduck recoiled, and slung Elastic Fowl into a nearby vat of starch. The fiendish fowl struggled to free himself, but it did no good. Eventually, he crawled out of the vat—but he couldn't stretch anymore. That starch had made his body all stiff and uncomfortable!
"Looks like ya can't stretch anymore...which gives me enough time to do THIS!" Rubberduck exclaimed as he turned his hands into mallets, and mashed Elastic Fowl flat as a pancake!
WHAM!
Then, he grabbed Elastic Fowl and twisted his body around. "Sayonara, ya beak-headed bully!" he called, before he hurled his foe away. "See ya in Alberquerque...wherever that is!"
"WAAAAAAK!" Elastic Fowl shrieked as he went spinning. "I can't handle hot weather! Just take me north for the winter!"
Battle #6:
Pig-Iron VS. Pork Machine
Both of the porcine powerhouses were in one serious slobberknocker, battering each other like a pair of Rock 'Em-Sock 'Em Rabbits, each of them throwing punches, kicks, throws, suplexes, piledrivers, bodyslams, while they smashed through buildings.
Pig-Iron grabbed a massive mallet from a nearby display. "Boy! You sure can take a beatin', can'tcha?" he asked as he wound up and slammed the hammer down on Pork Machine.
WHAMMO!
"Good thing I ain't the kinda guy ta lose in a brawl!" Pig-Iron remarked. "Never have—"
SQUELCH! Suddenly, he found Pork Machine's hand wrapped around his neck. "Guess I spoke too soon...!"
"Ya sure did, ya purple punk!" Pork-Machine smirked as he got up, then he whirled his right arm and punched him away. POW! "There's only room for ONE porcine powerhouse an' that's me! You're just a weak ham-ateur who should go back to your trough!"
As Pig Iron smashed through the walls of an empty warehouse, the building collapsed on him. Emerging from the rubble, Pig-Iron was absolutely livid. Alas, he knew it wouldn't do him any good. Fighting back with fury wouldn't give him the advantage.
This guy ain't anythin' like Armordillo, or Frogzilla, Shaggy Dawg from Earth-C-Minus, Wuz-Wolf, or Frankenswine...now how'm I gonna even the odds against this guy? Pig-Iron thought as he rubbed his chin.
Then, he snapped his fingers in awe. "Hey, I know what t'do!" he beamed. "Peter Porkchops, yer' a bona-fide genius!"
After some time, Pig-Iron emerged with his hands at his sides, much to Pork Machine's confusion. Spotting a pair of cars nearby, Pig-Iron picked them up and threw them at Pork-Machine.
As Pork Machine grabbed them quickly, Pig-Iron didn't let up. He threw broken-down yachts, rusty anchors, and safes, and Pork Machine frantically kept grabbing the tossed objects, until his limbs were trembling—arms trembling, knees wobbling—and then, his limbs gave out. Everything came crashing down.
KRAKA-BRAKA-BOOOOOOOM!
As Pork Machine shook his head, he tried to raise an arm to feel his head...but that's when he found out—
"What the—?!" he exclaimed. "My arms! My legs! They're supposed t'be impervious to anything!"
"Gee, I'm real sorry 'bout that!" Pig-Iron smiled. "In return, here's a little goin'-away present!"
And so, he wound up his fist—WHIR-WHIR-WHIRRRR—and gave his imposter an uppercut that sent him flying. "Don't forget to write!"
Final Confrontation:
The Carrot VS. The K'Rot
At last, it all came to a head, and the showdown of the century was about to begin. Captain Carrot was engaged in combat with his evil twin. Never before had our hero encountered an enemy who was so powerful. Pound for pound, super power for super power, Captain Carrot was pitted against his equal. The two lagomorphs were slugging it out, battling across city blocks and smashing into buildings with punches, kicks, slams and throws.
Alas, Captain Carrot felt himself getting weaker—those avocados and chocolates were weakening him with their evil allergens.
"Either my allergies r'actin' up again...or this fella's got real bad breath..." grunted The Captain. "But what else would I expect from a bully, cad, an' a thief?"
"Hey, I'm all'a those things and more, ya goody-two-paws goofball hare!" K'Rot sneered as he smacked his counterpart around. "What kinda dope names himself after a vegetable, anyways?"
And he grabbed the Captain by the ears and swung him around, before he flung him through a building and sent him plummeting to the ground.
KRRRRASH—SMAAAAAASH—BOOM-BAAAASH!
As he struggled to his feet, things were looking grim for the Captain. Struggling to get to his feet, visions flashed before his eyes of his friends being beaten into the dirt. Reaching for his belt, he plucked off a Cosmic Carrot.
One last carrot, huh? he thought. Alright, let's make it count.
CRUNCH.
CRUNCH.
CRUNCH.
After he polished off the Cosmic Carrot, he could feel the energy surging through him.
Well, enough posturin'...time to show this bully what for!
And with that, he sped over to K'Rot and drop-kicked him into a wall.
"I might be a goofball who named himself after a vegetable..." he grunted. "But at least I'm not a tyrant!"
While K-Rot was recovering his energy, Captain Carrot proceeded to deliver a volley of jackhammer punches, knocking his counterpart about like a ragdoll.
BOPPITA-BOPPITA-BOPPITA-BOPPITA-BOPPITA!
"I'm whatcha might call a symbol of hope, not some bullyin' creep who throttles felons for fun!" he declared, delivering an uppercut which knocked him in the chin.
P-P-POWZA!
"What?! How are you beating me?!" K-Rot exclaimed, before he tried to reach for his own avocados and chocolate; alas, he found he was sorely lacking. "...nuts, I'm fresh out! Don't suppose you'd keep up that 'symbol of hope' stuff and gimme a sportin' chance?"
"I'd rather give you a one-way ticket to Painville!" Captain Carrot declared as he decked K'Rot into a wall, leaving him out cold. "Next stop: a nice, quiet prison cell!"
"Alright, alright!" K-Rot replied, raising his hands as his powers wore off. "I give up! No mas! No mas!"
With that done, Captain Carrot grabbed the weakened Kommander K-Rot and then hopped over, seeing that his teammates had defeated their doppelgangers as well.
Alley-Kat-Abra used her magic to zap up a portal back to Earth-Z, and the authorities of that world each captured their counterparts, and wheeled them back inside the portal.
"Don't think this is over, pinheads! We'll be back!" glowered K'Rot, before he was hit in the head with a nightstick. "We're gonna get our revenge...or maybe it'll just be me, see? Either way, you're good as gone! And your Captain is gonna be hasenpfeffer!"
"Yeah, that'll be the day!" said Captain Carrot as he watched them go.
Soon, the Captain and the Crew were being congratulated by Mallard Filmore and the citizens of Follywood, who had all returned once the showdown had concluded.
"Hey, Prez, sorry about the damages. We'll help clean up—" began Captain Carrot.
"Oh, never mind all that!" Mallard cut him off as he shook hands with the Captain. "You all saved us from those awful Bruise Crew creeps, and we will forever be grateful for it! Everyone, I think we ought to give the Zoo Crew three cheers!"
"HIP-HIP HOORAY!" The crowd roared with enthusiasm. "HIP-HIP HOORAY! THE ZOO CREW WON THE DAY!"
"Shucks, this is the biggest celebration ah've had since my momma's anniversary!" Fastback said as he wiped a tear from his eye. "It's just so wunnerful ta see people love us again!"
"Hey, speaking of which…" Little Cheese questioned. "What DID happen to Doctor Hoot?"
Meanwhile, in a black void, Dr. Hoot was drifting aimlessly along, since he'd been disposed of in the previous chapter.
"So...it seems that the story's over," he mused. "But I'll be back, someday! Perhaps this void will give me incredible powers so I can face them head-to-head! That's right, no guns, or robots, or overly-complicated machines! ...perhaps I didn't think this through very well..."
For now, it's...
The End!