Chapter 42

TW: Mild discussions of SA and ED behavior in this chapter

Jon Snow Stark POV

I feel terrible that Dany is going through what she is, and I feel guilty. If she had never started dating me, she wouldn't even know about this. I'm glad we do know, but I still hate that I had any part in her feeling this way. I know this isn't my fault, I just wish we weren't in this mess at all.

I get home from working at the student center one night, and Dany is watching a show on her laptop. It feels eerily quiet, like there's a sad presence here.

"Hey," I say, putting down my bag and sitting on the couch next to her. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm okay," she says. "Just a little sad."

I put my arm around her and kiss her cheek. "I'm sorry," I say. "I feel really bad."

"Why would you feel bad?"

"I feel like if you weren't with me, you wouldn't have lost Cersei," I say. "There would be no reason for you to have found out about what happened."

"Maybe that's true," Dany says. "But I still don't want to be friends with someone who's capable of that, so I'm glad I know."

"I'm just glad you don't feel resentful of me," I say. "I kind of expected you to."

"You know our friendship was on the rocks before I found out about this, right?" She asks. "This was just the final straw."

"I know," I say. "I just hate seeing you this upset, even if this is for the best."

"It's hard to cut someone out of your life that's been there forever," she says. "She got me through so much."

"I know she helped you deal with your stuff with your dad," I say. "Was that the main thing?"

This isn't something we've talked about a lot, and I know it's hard for her. I do wish I knew more about it because I love Dany and want to support her. I just hope she isn't mad about me asking.

"That was one of the big things," she says. "My dad had homicidal impulses, which is why he needed to go into care. I didn't understand that at the time, so I didn't know that he was gone for my safety."

"Were you worried about helping him when he came home?" I ask.

"He had made a lot of progress, so not really," she says. "Plus, he never actually hurt anyone. He recognized that he needed help, and I had several emergency contacts by the time I was with him again."

"I guess that makes sense," I say. "I just wish I had known more so I could help you better."

"I knew I could handle it," she says. "I didn't want to worry you, my extended family was already worried enough."

"I get that," I say, and I mean it. I know all too well about not wanting to worry the people closest to me. "Was that the main thing Cersei helped you through?"

Dany sighs. "She also helped me through my relationship with Khal Drogo," she says. "She took care of me when I was drunk and out of control, I'm pretty sure Khal Drogo slipped me stuff sometimes."

"Woah really?"

"Yeah," she says. "I've never been drunk like that when I wasn't with him, and I woke up a couple times and it was clear we'd had sex. I just didn't remember it."

God, I want to kill him. I've never even met Khal Drogo, but he always seemed like a dick. I know he was really popular when Dany started high school, and I can see why she maybe wanted to date him at the time. I want to murder him.

"Why didn't you ever tell me that?" I ask.

"I thought it was normal until a couple years later," she says. "At that point, I was too embarassed and just wanted to focus on moving on."

"I'm glad you see now that it wasn't normal," I say. "I'm sorry you went through that."

"Thanks," she says. "That's when my eating issues got really bad, which is why I was so protective of Sansa."

"I'm glad you were," I say. "You really helped her a lot, even if she didn't see it at the time."

"It never got as bad as it did with her," she says. "But I did go through phases where I just wouldn't eat because I was stressed, and because I thought my looks were all I had."

"I'm sorry," I say. "I guess Cersei helped you through that."

"She helped distract me for sure," Dany says. "I know my behavior would've been more destructive if I wasn't around her all the time."

"I wish you had told me all this sooner," I say. "I want you to feel like you can open up to me."

"I know I can," she says. "I just felt like there was no point in dwelling on it."

"I get it," I say. "Better now than never."

There's a pause. "I love you," I say. "I just wanted to remind you of that."

"I love you too." We kiss and have a peaceful rest of our night.

I'm glad she finally opened up to me, but it's still hard to hear about all the stuff she went through. I wish she had told me sooner so I could've supported her better, but I don't see her any differently. I understand why she didn't tell me and I respect her wanting to open up at her own pace.

I know that not having Cersei as a friend will be best for her, but it's still hard knowing how much she got her through. I wish I could've been there for her at that time, but I'm here now and I'm not going anywhere ever. That's the most important thing.

Jaime Lannister POV

Cersei and I haven't been talking much, but I can tell she isn't happy right now. She's never that cheery, but I can tell losing Dany is taking its toll on her emotionally. Speaking of which, Cersei's door to her room is closed when I come in from class. When I pass the door, I can hear her sniffling. I knock on the door.

"What do you want?" She asks me.

"Can I come in?"

"I guess," she says. "Whatever."

"Are you okay?" I ask when I open the door. "I heard you crying."

"I'm fine," she snaps. She has a beer and takes a swig, which is concerning of course. "Why were you eavesdropping?"

"I walked right by your door," I say. "I'm just trying to help."

"You did this," she says. "I'm sad because I lost Dany, and I lost Dany because you decided you wanted to be a hero all of the sudden."

"We've been over this," I say. "I explained why I did it."

"Dany and I talked on the phone the other day," Cersei says. "She said she never wanted to talk to me again, and I said she can come back to me when she and Jon break up."

"Why would you say something like that?"

"You and I both know that when she doesn't have him, she'll come back to me," she says. "She may be mad now, but she'll get over it."

"I don't know, Cersei," I say. "She seemed pretty upset and serious this time."

"I know her," she says. "I know how she is, this has happened before."

I don't know what she means. They've definitely fought before, but it's never been this serious where Dany straight-up said she was done with their friendship. I honestly don't think there's any coming back from this, for either of us.

"Whatever," I say. "I just wanted to make sure you were okay."

Cersei pauses, she genuinely looks empty inside. Even before, I could still see an anger and a fire inside her. Now there's basically nothing, it's just sadness. I almost feel guilty.

"I'll be fine," she says. "Just leave me alone, you don't need to worry about me."

Maybe she's right, maybe I should leave her to figure out how to get herself back on track. She always had me to fall back on, and to clean up her mess. Maybe I should stop giving her any of that now that we aren't together anymore.

I go into my room and call Brienne. "Hello?" I hear her say after a couple rings.

"Hey, babe," I say. "It's me."

"You okay?" She asks. "You sound sad."

"I just tried to talk to Cersei," I say. "She's been really depressed."

"Oh, about Daenerys finding out the truth?"

"Yeah," I say. "Dany's been her best friend since we were 6, so I get that it's hard to lose her."

"She really just cut you guys out?" Brienne asks.

"Basically," I say. "She said she never wanted to see us again, and I think it's starting to sink in for Cersei that it's actually real."

"She thought Daenerys would get over it?"

"She still thinks Dany will come back to her if she and Jon break up," I say. "But I think a part of her is starting to see this is real." Brienne sighs.

"I'm sorry this is happening," she says. "Do you regret telling her the truth?"

"No," I say. "It needed to be done, and I would just be constantly worrying that she would find out anyway."

"I'm glad you told her too," Brienne says. "It was the right thing to do."

"You still want to be with me?" I ask. "Even after all this?"

"I do," she says. "You're working to be a better person, that's all that anyone can ask of you."

"You really are the best," I say. "I mean that."

"Yeah, I am pretty great," Brienne says, chuckling. "But I should probably get going."

"Okay, have a good night," I say. "I'll talk to you later."

"Bye."

I hang up and lay down on my bed. I really don't deserve her, but I'm glad she can make me a better person. I'm honestly shocked she wants to stay with me, most girls would go running for the hills if I hit them with this baggage. She's way more patient and understanding than I deserve.

I hope Cersei will be okay, but I can't understand how she's still being snarky after everything that's happened. Maybe we can have a shot at attempting to be normal siblings now that all this is over. I know things will never be fully normal between us, but we can at least try it by being civil and seeing each other only at family stuff like most siblings do once we graduate. I just want to move on and forget about every thing that's happened, if that's even possible.

Arya Stark POV

I'm not happy that Gendry is seeing someone, but I can't expect him to be single forever. Especially now that he's in the adult world, I know he's going to meet people.

I get into Sansa's car after school one day, she had cheer practice and I had tech. "Hey," she says when I get in. "How was tech?"

"It was good," I say. "How was cheer?"

"Fine," she says. "I'm really going to miss it when I graduate."

"Yeah, I bet," I say. "Hopefully not as much as you'll miss me."

Sansa chuckles. "Of course not," Sansa says. "You know that."

She starts driving us home and there's a pause of silence. "Oh by the way," she says to break the silence. "I wanted to ask your opinion on something."

"What is it?"

"I thought it would be fun to do a girls' trip over the summer to celebrate my graduation," she says. "I wanted to know what you thought about it."

"Um, yes!" I say. "Of course I'm down, why would you even need to ask that?"

"Well, I want to invite Dany, Myrcella, and Margaery," she says. "I wasn't sure how you'd feel about that."

I pause. I guess I didn't expect her to say that, now it makes more sense that she'd want to ask me first before making the plans.

"I don't know," I say. "You know Margaery makes me a little uncomfortable."

"I know," Sansa says. "But it would mean a lot to me to do a trip with my girls before I leave for college."

"How do you know mom and dad will even let us go?" I ask. "Especially me?"

"I don't know how they could stop me," she says. "But it might take more convincing for them to let you go."

"You're right," I say. "You haven't even asked them, can you do that first?"

"Sure," Sansa says. "I'll ask when we get home."

"Woah, that soon?"

"It's already April," she says. "I'd want to do the trip in June or July."

"Oh okay, I guess that makes sense," I say. "Let me know what they say."

"If they say you can go, would you be okay with Margaery coming?"

I sigh. "Can I think about it a little more?" I ask.

"Of course," she says. "I'll let you know what mom says."

It means a lot that she's actually considering my opinion, but I'm not convinced she would invite me instead of Margaery if I said I was uncomfortable. Maybe now that I'm a little older, I'll feel better around her. Now that it seems like the chapter of me and Gendry is officially closed, I don't see why hanging out with her would be so bad.

Sansa Stark POV

After we get home, Arya goes into our room and I go into our parents' room. Both my mom and my dad are in there sitting on the bed, so this works out. I don't have to wait for one of them to ask the other, that always takes forever. My mom is reading a book and my dad is on his computer, I hope they're in a decent mood and not too busy.

"Mom? Dad?" I ask as I walk in. "Can I ask you guys something?"

"What is it?" My mom asks, not looking up from her book.

"I was thinking after I graduate that it might be fun for my friends and I to take a trip," I say. "Maybe to the beach or something."

"We were already planning on maybe taking a family trip this summer," my dad says. "And we're definitely having a graduation party for you."

"I know," I say. "But I may want to take a trip with just my girlfriends."

"How would you pay for that?" My mom asks.

"I was thinking maybe you guys could help me," I say. "Maybe that would be my graduation present."

"Who all would you invite?" My mom asks. Ugh, I'm not sure what's up with the million questions.

"Margaery, Dany, Myrcella, and Arya," I say. "My only friends."

Mom and dad look at each other. "We'll have to talk over how much we're willing to help you with," my dad says. "But I don't see the harm in starting to plan something out."

"Thank you!" I say, smiling and hugging my mom. "I promise I'll put together a good plan."

"It's still not definitive," she says. "Don't get too excited."

I don't respond and just run into my room and close the door. Arya looks up at me. "What did mom and dad say?" She asks.

"They said they weren't sure how much they would help pay for, but they weren't against it," I say, smiling. "They said I could start planning, I'm so excited."

I sit on my bed and open my laptop. "Does that mean you'll invite Margaery?" Arya asks.

"Yeah," I say, looking over at her. "Is that not what I said earlier?"

"Okay," she says. "Then I'm not sure I want to go."

"What?" I ask. "I thought you said it would probably be fine."

"I'm just worried she'll make backhanded comments at me," Arya says. "She's done that before."

"Yeah, when you were dating Gendry," I say. "I'm not saying it's right, but she wouldn't do it now."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah," I say. "If she did, I would kick her out and make her walk home." She looks surprised to hear that, which is upsetting. I wish she had more faith in me.

"I appreciate that," she says. "I wasn't sure you'd defend me."

"Because I didn't 3 years ago?" I ask. "I'm not like that now."

"Well good," she says. "I'm glad to hear that."

"Plus, last time I say Margaery she said that she thinks you're really sweet," I say. "She also said she can't believe Gendry would just bring up that he's seeing someone right in front of you."

"Really?" Arya asks. "She said that?"

"Yeah," I say. "She's actually really sweet when she can be."

"Okay," Arya says after a pause. "Maybe it won't be so bad then."

"So you'll come?"

"I will," she says. "Sorry I doubted you."

"It's fine," I say. "I get it, I just wanted to reassure you."

"Thank you," she says. "I appreciate that."

I get Arya being weird about being around Margaery, but she really has nothing to worry about. She and Gendry aren't even dating anymore, and he's long since said goodbye to Margaery. I'm hoping everyone can just get along, it's my last chance to get everyone together before I leave for college.

I really hope this trip works out, it'll be the only parent-free trip I've done other than the camping trip from my freshman year. We all know how that turned out, I don't want a repeat of that. I could also really use some time to relax and celebrate the end of high school, I think it will be a lot of fun.