Chapter 45
Daenerys Targaryen POV
I've been thinking a lot about what Jon said recently. I feel for him, but he's really scaring me with the way that he's talking. He's saying he isn't sure if he can commit to me with everything that's been going on. If he's not sure after 3 years of dating, maybe I need to let this go.
It's times like these that I wish I still had Cersei, she's the one that I would go to for stuff like this. Maybe I should call Sansa, she's the only one I can think of that would actually give advice. Margaery wouldn't be helpful, she would tell me to start flirting with other guys to make Jon jealous.
I decide to call Sansa. I'm sitting outside on campus after class, I have some time before I have to get ready for work. "Hello?" Sansa says when I call her.
"Hey Sansa," I say. "It's Dany."
"Hi!" She says. "How are you?"
"I'm okay," I say. "Listen, I wanted to talk to you about something. Are you busy?"
"No," she says. "I'm in the car about to head home from school, we just got out."
"Okay, good," I say. I take a deep breath. "Jon's been acting weird."
"Weird how?" She asks. "What do you mean?"
"He's been more brooding and emotional than usual lately," I say. "I think he's having an identity crisis."
"Why would that be happening?" Sansa asks. "Then again, isn't he always having one?"
I chuckle at that, it's so funny to me when Sansa and Arya roast Jon. "It's been getting worse," I say. "He's just been really depressed."
"Have you talked to him about it?" She asks.
"Yeah," I respond. I don't want to give too much information, I know she doesn't know everything about what Jon's been going through. "I wasn't too worried about it until he said he was rethinking our relationship."
"Wait, what?" She asks. "He said that?"
"He said he was rethinking everything," I say. "That includes our relationship."
"How do you know that's what he meant?"
"He said he wasn't sure he could commit to me," I say. "He feels like he doesn't know who he is."
She sighs. "Maybe this is about my parents," she says. Shit, I don't want her to figure this out. "He's always had a hard time being the black sheep of the family."
"Maybe," I say. "I just don't know what to do, I love him so much."
"Are you scared he's going to leave you?"
"Maybe," I say. "He's just never acted like this before. If he's having second thoughts like this after three years together, I don't know what to think."
Sansa pauses and takes a deep breath. "I can't believe he's being like this," she finally says. "I know he's an idiot, but he's truly mentally ill if he's thinking about letting you go."
"Sansa, I know he's having a hard time," I say. "He's not a bad guy, he's just scaring me right now."
"He's scaring me too, at this point," she says. "He better get it together."
"I just want to help," I say. "But I feel like there's not much I can do that I haven't already tried."
"He's always had a hard time asking for help," Sansa says. "The entire time we've been growing up, he's been like that."
"So what do you think I should do?"
"I think you should have a serious talk with him," she says. "Tell him that you're worried and that he's scaring you, and tell him that he's a bonehead."
"I'm not going to say that," I say. "But I have told him he's worrying me."
"Well tell him again," she says. "He's being ridiculous."
"You think?" I ask. "I understand that he's going through a lot."
"He shouldn't be talking to you like that and worrying you," Sansa says. "Knock some sense into him."
"Okay," I say. "Thank you, Sansa."
"Of course," she says. "Let me know how it goes."
"I will," I say. "Bye."
"Bye."
I'm glad I talked to Sansa, even though she may have gone a little overboard in her reactions. I get why she did, Jon is her brother and she's bound to be harder on him. I hope she doesn't think less of him, especially since she doesn't know all the details of what he's going through right now.
I hope it works out with me and Jon, I do love him and I was hoping we'd be together forever. I just feel like I must not be a good enough girlfriend if he's rethinking things, even though I know that there's more to it than that. I'm going to take Sansa's advice and have another talk with him, hopefully that helps.
Arya Stark POV
My 16th birthday is coming up really soon, and I haven't even started the process of getting my license yet. I'm not in a hurry, which I think my parents think is weird. Jon and Sansa were quick to get on it, but I'm just not. I'll start the process this summer probably when I have more time.
My mom picks me up from fencing, she's been bugging me about starting the process of getting my license lately. She's probably tired of driving me around. As if she really does that much, it's mostly Sansa and I know she doesn't mind.
"How was fencing?" My mom asks as I put my stuff in the backseat.
"It was okay," I say, getting into the passenger's seat. We start heading home. "They announced a competition happening in 3 weeks, I was hoping to go."
"I'll have to look at our schedule," my mom says. "I don't know what the boys are doing that weekend."
"I already put my name down," I say. "I really want to go."
"Well I need to check the schedule first," she says. "At least you have a spot reserved, we'll see if we're available to take you."
"Fine," I say. "Whatever, just let me know."
"Don't speak to me like that, Arya," she says. "Be respectful, I have to check the schedule before I can promise you anything."
"Okay," I say. "Sorry."
I hate that I have to work around my siblings' schedules to do stuff, but I guess this is better than her just saying no. If my brothers have something planned already, it makes sense that that would take priority. It's still annoying since I feel like I already don't compete enough.
"Have you given any more thought to getting your license?" My mom asks after a long pause.
"I want to start the process this summer," I say. "I know it's late, but I'll have more time then."
"You could have started last summer and been ahead of the game," my mom says. "That way you could just take the test this summer."
"Well it's too late now," I say. "I'm not in a hurry to get it."
"Why not?" She asks. "Jon and Sansa couldn't wait."
"I just don't feel like I need to," I say. "I want to drive, eventually. It just hasn't been a priority for me yet."
"Well we're getting on that this summer," my mom says. "It's a life skill you need to have."
Once again, I feel like what I want isn't being considered. I feel like my parents make too many of my decisions for me, which is why I try so hard to be independent. I just want to be in charge of my own life.
"Okay, that's fine," I say. "I figured out what I want to do for my birthday." I've been nervous to bring it up, but it's something I've been thinking about.
"What is it?"
"I want to get streaks in my hair," I say. "Maybe pink and purple."
My mom pauses, I figured this would be something she'd have to think about. "Would school allow that?" She asks.
"Yeah, they allow dyed hair," I say. "I'm tired of my boring brown hair."
"I'll have to talk to your dad about it," she says. "We wouldn't want your hair to get damaged."
"But maybe?" I ask.
"Maybe."
We pull up to the house and I go into my room. Sansa is already there, she looks upset. "Hey," she says. "You won't believe what happened to me today."
"What happened?"
"Dany called me, and she was really upset," Sansa says. "She was telling me that Jon told her he was rethinking everything, including their relationship."
"What?" I ask, raising my voice and sitting on my bed. "What the fuck? Where did that come from?"
"I don't know, she was pretty vague about it," Sansa says. "He was worried he wouldn't be able to commit to her for some reason."
"Has he ever felt that way before?"
"Not that I know of," she says. "It sounds like it came out of nowhere."
"Yeah," I say. "That's so weird."
"Maybe I should talk to him about it," Sansa says. "See what's going on."
"I think you should," I say. "Maybe he's actually lost it this time." Sansa laughs at that, but I was serious. That's absolutely insane that he would say something like that.
As we're talking, there's a knock at the door. "Come in," Sansa says. My mom walks in.
"Hi mom," I say. "What's up?"
"Your dad and I had a talk," she says. "We decided to let you get streaks in your hair for your birthday."
"Really?" I say. I'm surprised they said yes.
"Yes, but I'll be there," she says. "We can go out for a birthday dinner after."
"Can I bring Meera?" I ask.
"Sure," she says. "Of course."
"Can I bring Myrcella?" Sansa asks.
"Yeah, that's fine," my mom says. "Whatever you want to do."
"Thank you mom," I say. "I really appreciate it."
"Of course," my mom says. "Happy birthday."
She walks out of the room, closing the door behind her.
"Are you surprised she let you?" Sansa asks me.
"Yeah," I say. "I didn't think she would."
"Can you believe Jon is rethinking his relationship with Dany?" Sansa asks.
"No, he's an idiot," I say. "But we knew that."
Sansa laughs. "I'm going to talk to him about it," she says. "I need to knock some sense into him."
"You better," I say. "Let me know how it goes."
"You know I will."
I'm shocked Jon is acting like this, especially with how much he claims to love Dany. I wonder what happened, something else has to be going on. He would never just leave her for no reason, or even consider it. This isn't like him, I hope Sansa can figure out what else it is and knock some sense into him. He needs it.
I'm so excited for my birthday, I'll finally be getting older and closer to being an adult. Being independent is important to me, so I guess it would make sense that I would want to get my license. I can be independent without driving, at least I'm getting closer to being allowed to do more things without having to rely on other people.
Jon Snow Stark POV
I'm walking back from class when I get a call from Sansa. That's weird, she doesn't normally call me. I hope she's okay.
"Hello?" I ask.
"What the fuck is wrong with you?" She asks.
"Woah, woah," I say. "Watch your mouth, what's going on?"
"Dany called me today," she says. "She told me about a conversation you guys recently had."
I sigh, this can't be good. "What did she say?" I ask.
"She said you told her you didn't know how you could commit to her," she says. "That you weren't sure about anything anymore."
I get why this upsets her since she loves me and Dany together, but it's annoying because she doesn't know about a lof of what's going on with me. She doesn't need to put herself in my relationship like this.
"There's a lot you don't know," I say. "I'm just having a hard time, Sansa."
"Dany is the best thing that's ever happened to you," she says. "That's all I need to know."
"Adult relationships are complicated," I say. "It's not as simple as that, other unexpected things can get in the way that don't have to do with the actual relationship."
"What are you talking about?"
"I just told you," I say. "There's a lot about this that you don't know."
"What is it that I don't know?" She asks. "What could possible make you want to end things with Dany?"
"Sansa…" I say.
"Did she turn psycho?" Sansa asks. "Did she cheat on you?"
"No," I say. "It's nothing like that."
"Then what could it possibly be?"
"I'm done with this conversation," I say. "Bye."
I hang up and head back to the apartment. I'm supposed to get ready for work, but if Dany's home I'm going to ask why she brought Sansa into this. I'm pretty irritated, this isn't her business and she doesn't know what she's talking about.
I walk in and Dany's doing her makeup before work. "Hey," she says. "How was class?"
"What did you tell Sansa?" I immediately ask. She pauses and just stares at me.
"What do you mean?" She asks.
"I just got a very angry call from her," I say. "She was asking me what the fuck is wrong with me and how I could be rethinking our relationship."
"Oh," Dany says. "I called her because I was worried about us. You know, I don't have Cersei anymore. She's who I would usually go to for stuff like this."
"Did you ask her to call me?"
"No, of course not," she says. "I wouldn't have asked her to do that."
"Well that's good," I say. "She has no idea what's been going on with my family, I can't explain all that to her."
"I know," Dany says. "I just wanted someone else to talk to about how I was feeling."
"I get that," I say. "But you know I can't tell her everything that's going on right now."
"Why can't you?"
"Robb doesn't even know," I say. "My dad and I discussed it, and he wants to sit everyone down and break the news to them."
She sighs. "I guess I can understand that," she says. "I just wish I had someone else to talk to about the whole thing, it's been hard for me too."
"Oh, well I'm sorry it's been so hard for you," I say, sarcastically. Maybe that wasn't nice, but it's 20 times harder for me than it is for her.
"Hey," she says. "I never said it was harder on me than you, just that it's also hard on me."
"Trust me, I want my siblings to know the truth," I say. "But this has to be done right."
"I agree," Dany says. "I'm sorry if telling her upset you, but I wanted to talk to someone."
I walk up to her as she keeps doing her makeup. "I know this has been a lot for both of us," I say. "I just don't appreciate you bringing Sansa into this. She's not exactly the best person to go to for relationship advice."
"I know that," she says. "I just wanted to talk to someone about it, whether they could give good advice or not."
"She'll probably tell Arya," I say. "You know that, right?"
"Yeah," she says. "She tells Arya everything, at least that's how I understand it."
"She does," I say. "I don't want them finding out too much before I can break the news with my dad."
"Okay," she says. "I get it."
There's a pause. "Are you mad at me?" I ask.
She sighs. "I just feel like you're taking it out on me," she says. "I'm trying to help you, I just don't know how to deal with this any better than you do."
"Whatever," I say, getting my keys and sunglasses. "Sorry there's not a playbook on how to perfectly handle what I've been going through."
I walk out and head to work. I know I haven't been doing well, but I feel like I have a right to be a little confused and disoriented. I'm not sure how anyone is supposed to react when they find out their entire identity and who they thought they were was a lie. I based my entire moral compass on who I thought my dad was, and it wasn't even true.
Maybe I could be nicer to Dany, but I also don't think she should've brought Sansa into this. I feel bad that she doesn't have her best friend anymore, but this really isn't anyone else's business. Even Cersei's been in more relationships than Sansa and is more qualified to give advice. She shouldn't have brought anyone else into this, it's not her information to share.