Chapter 15
Shadow and Light
The complete radio silence that persisted between them for the three days following their last meeting was beginning to make Majima concerned. He had been expecting to hear from her by now, but the ambiguity of the way they had parted filled his heart with doubt. What should have been a moment of joy had unexpectedly turned into even more uncertainty than before. Something about it did not feel right, like a scratch on an otherwise perfect pane of glass, one which, once noticed, could never be ignored again. Perhaps that was exactly what they both were, he mused bitterly — two panes of glass you could still see through, riddled with miniscule scratches upon closer inspection. It was now Tuesday evening, and Tsuki had not sent him a single message nor called him since. Granted, he had not been the first one to reach out either, nor had he gone to visit her at Stray yet. He assumed that, seeing how dubious things were between them, it would not serve any other purpose than to invite more awkwardness — after all, they could not freely talk about such matters while she was at work.
There was, however, one upside to all this — it had given him time to come up with an excuse to meet her in private without making the real reason blatantly obvious. Even if she chose to play dumb again, as he half-expected her to at this point, it would still work. It was a two-birds-one-stone kind of thing and he liked it.
Looking out from the tall windows of the Family office at the city lights below stretching as far as the eye could see, he called her, and waited with bated breath for her to answer. A few tones in, however, the signal abruptly cut out, then went straight to voicemail. His heart sank, mind going into a state of panic when he realized she had rejected his call. Jumbled thoughts rushing through his head, he stared at the screen of his cellphone. Was she just busy or… did she actually not want to talk to him?
Before he could fully succumb to the dread the idea made him feel, his phone started buzzing — she was calling him back. He picked up without a second thought.
"Hey. Sorry for rejecting your call just now," she apologized. Majima expected to hear the usual clamor of voices and music in the background, but, to his surprise, it was relatively quiet. "The reception downstairs can be garbage, so I thought I'd step out," she added, as though she had read his mind. "Shouldn't cut out now."
"Uh, yeah, no problem… Ya got a sec? I know ya told me not to call ya at work, but it won't take long."
"Glad you remembered that. It's okay, though — Aki's handling things just fine, so I've got a few minutes to spare. What's up?"
As far as he could tell, there was nothing out of the ordinary in her voice — she sounded exactly the same as usual when they talked. On one hand, it was a relief, but on the other, it made what had happened between them seem like nothing more than a dream. Had his gut feeling been correct? Was she doing it on purpose?
"How's yer schedule look after the sick leave?"
"My schedule? It's back to normal, more or less. I think I mentioned I gave Aki some extra time off a while ago, didn't I? I'm working on Thursday as well this week, but after that we'll pretty much be square. Feel free to drop by Stray whenever you feel like it."
"Naw, actually… That ain't why I wanna know. Wanted to ask if we could meet up the next time ya got a free evenin'. Got a surprise for ya."
There was a sudden pause over on her side. He had wanted to sound innocent, but now he wondered if he had been too blunt.
"...Is it another bottle of wine?"
Her sarcastic question made him snort with laughter.
"Pfft. It ain't — but I can bring one with me if ya want."
"Nah, I'm just pulling your leg. I'm guessing… you want to go somewhere?"
"Yeah, but it prolly ain't what ya expect."
"Oh? Now I'm starting to get curious. Alright, I'm down."
So far so good. At the very least, it did not seem like she actually wanted to avoid him. If her schedule was indeed back to normal, it meant that the following day would be her day off. It was time to seal the deal.
"Tomorrow work for ya?"
"Tomorrow?" she sounded surprised, as though she had not expected the meeting to be so soon. "…Yeah, should be good. Time and place?"
"Hmm… Think ya can meet me in front of the Millennium Tower at seven?"
"Sounds good. It's a date, then. Anything else?"
She had no idea just how many things he could say to that. None of them were suitable for a conversation over the phone, however.
"Naw, that's it. See ya tomorrow."
"Yup. Take care."
This was it. No more running away. One way or another, the next day he would have the answers he so desperately craved. Now, all he had to do was wait and steel his heart for whatever was to come.
Even though she knew full well it would not help, Tsuki reached inside her jacket and pulled out a pack of cigarettes from its inner pocket. No sooner had she taken the first drag than she noticed, in the corner of her eye, a familiar figure emerge from the bar's entrance and approach her.
"Everything okay out here?" Aki asked, giving her boss a quick once-over.
"Yeah. I'll be right back down once I'm done smoking."
"No need to hurry — all's quiet downstairs, if that's what you're worried about," the girl shook her head. "Just wanted to make sure you were alright, what with the way you rushed out to take that call." Upon closer inspection, Aki noted that something was off. "Is it just me or are your hands shaking?" she furrowed her brow in concern.
Tsuki looked up at her friend, eyes widening in surprise.
"What…? N-Nah, you must be seeing things."
"Uh-huh," Aki vocalized, easily seeing through the other girl's attempt to brush her question off. "That was him on the phone, wasn't it?"
Despite Tsuki's insistence that she should take the previous day off, Aki had still come to Stray, adamant that she would not leave Tsuki to handle everything alone on her first day back. Once they had closed up for the night and begun cleaning, Tsuki had reluctantly surrendered to her friend's questions about the past week, so Aki now had a general idea of what had transpired. Aware that she was fighting a losing battle, Tsuki lowered her head, fixing her gaze on the pavement.
"...Yeah."
"What did he say?" Aki leaned in after taking her place next to her boss.
Before answering, Tsuki took a nervous drag on her cigarette.
"He… wants to meet up tomorrow. Didn't want to tell me where we're going, though… Said it was a surprise."
"A surprise, huh?" Aki flashed her friend a knowing smile. "Sounds to me like the perfect opportunity for you two to finally sort your shit out."
"Y-You think that's what it's about?" Tsuki looked up, feeling the grip of anxiety tighten around her chest now that Aki had planted the idea in her mind. "I guess it would make sense…"
"It's just a hunch, but… Sooner or later, one of you's gotta rip that band-aid off — and the longer you wait, the harder it'll be."
Hearing this, Tsuki clicked her tongue and looked away again, her eyebrows coming down in an irritated frown.
"You're absolutely right, and yet… it's easier said than done," she grumbled.
"Seriously," Aki groaned in response, "you're both absolutely terrible at this. How are you gonna find anything out if you keep dancing around the matter like that?"
"I know, but… It's a little more complicated than that, you know?"
"You like him, he likes you — how exactly is that complicated? You said he kissed you, for god's sake! What's still holding you back?"
"...A lot of things," Tsuki replied dejectedly.
"A lot of things, huh? Fine. In that case, mind if I go out on a limb and guess what I think your problem is?"
"...S-Sure. Knock yourself out."
"Okay, here goes: despite the fact that you're basically stuck in limbo, you're still having fun — but you're terrified that when you lay your cards on the table, it'll all come to an end. Am I close?"
The slight gap which appeared between Tsuki's lips told Aki that she had hit the nail on the head.
"Thought so…" she gave Tsuki a pitiful smile, watching as her surprise blended into a grimace of solemn realization.
Tsuki did not respond right away, taking one final drag of what remained of her cigarette instead. Having put the butt out with her boot, she broke the silence with an exasperated groan.
"I mean… We have a good thing going — why ruin it?"
"Because you can't go on like this! Are you that afraid of finding out the truth?"
"I… Look. He's gotten burned before, and—"
"So have you," Aki cut in. "Even so, here you are, willing to give someone new a chance, but hesitating because you're afraid of getting hurt again. What if he's the same? From the bits and pieces I was able to squeeze out of you, I can definitely say he's into you — but to what extent, that's for you two to sort out. You're both adults, for crap's sake, I'm sure you'll manage. Even if it doesn't work out the way you want it to, at least you'll know for sure. And who knows? Maybe you're losing your head over nothing, and you'll be pleasantly surprised. But you need to talk to him about it."
"Tch… Even if you're right… Since when are you okay with all this? Shouldn't you be trying to talk me out of it instead?" Tsuki frowned, more than a little confused by what she was hearing. "Did something happen? Did he say something to you to make you change your mind?"
"Nah…" Aki waved her hand. "I've simply made peace with the thought. Figured it would happen anyway, with or without my input. Not like you listened to me before, right? I might be your friend, but, at the end of the day, I know you'll do what you want. Still, whether or not I want to be, I'm invested in this, so it drives me nuts when I see how you're still choosing to play rotten egg after all this time. I mean… How the heck can you two kiss and then pretend like it never happened? It boggles my mind, honestly."
"It's… Well…" Tsuki mumbled awkwardly. "There's always something else to talk about, you know, more important things… O-Or something happens and there's no good time to—"
"What more important things, Tsuki? If a tiger mauled your hand off, would you complain that you've broken a nail on the other? You're both just avoiding it, if you ask me. You're bleeding out, but you pretend like nothing's wrong. You can't keep this up forever," Aki shook her head, resigned. "Feels like we're talking in circles, so let me ask you one last thing. Remember how you told me you were ready to trust someone again?"
"Mm," Tsuki nodded weakly.
"Do you still feel that way about him?"
The question hanging in the air, Tsuki searched her heart, trying her best to find the answer underneath all the fear and doubt that plagued her.
"...I do."
"Then that's your answer. Now, stop moping and do what you gotta do. You miss all the shots you don't take — isn't that what people say?"
"Yeah, but at least you don't waste bullets you might need later," Tsuki scoffed, the look on her face utterly miserable.
"Boy, I knew you were no fun at parties, but this is a new low even for you…" Aki breathed a powerless sigh.
"I'll sleep on it, but I'm not making any promises. For the time being, I need to get my mind off of this, otherwise I feel like I'll go crazy. It's high time we got back to work."
With a warm, encouraging smile, Aki extended a hand in the direction of the bar's door.
"Right behind you, boss."
Having made her way through the neon-lit streets of Kamurocho, Tsuki arrived in front of the Millennium Tower some fifteen minutes before the hour Majima and she had agreed on. Now that she was there, she realized he had not specified where exactly he wanted for them to meet. She decided to sit down on one of the benches at the foot of the stairs and keep an eye out for any sign of him. The area was not that large, after all, and in the worst case scenario they could always call each other, she thought.
Trying to find a way to get rid of the knots her stomach was in, she wondered if she had time for a cigarette — heavens knew she needed one right now. She had not expected facing him again after what had happened last time they had seen one another would prove this hard, yet there she was, dreading the moment she had long known would inevitably come.
She did not make a habit of people watching, but this time, she carefully scanned the groups passing by, hoping she would see him approach. The minutes passed, however, and she did not see hide nor hair of him. Sighing at the thought of how much of a mess she was, she pulled out a pack of cigarettes and a lighter from inside her jacket. By that point, she knew that smoking rarely worked as far as methods to calm herself down went — and yet, at that moment, she felt she desperately needed it.
"Thought ya said ya were tryin' to quit," she heard a familiar voice from close behind.
The pack of cigarettes nearly fell out of her hands as she whirled around to face exactly who she had been waiting for.
"Oh, for…! Don't startle me like that!"
"...Haw? Since when are ya so easy to startle?" he tilted his head, a mocking smile playing on his lips. "Work stress ya out or somethin'?"
At a cursory glance, he seemed his usual self. She wondered if the nervousness she felt was showing as she forced herself to smile, wishing for the knot in her stomach to finally unravel. She had been focused so much on spotting him in the crowd in front of her, she completely forgot he had once told her his Family's office was located in the Millennium Tower. The sudden realization made her feel incredibly foolish.
"Work? N-No… You know what, never mind," she said in an attempt to make him drop the subject before she would dig herself even deeper, put away the cigarettes and lighter, and stood up. "Ready when you are. Where are we going?"
"Somewhere special. Ain't tellin' ya any more than that," he smirked. "Let's go."
Contrary to her expectations, he turned back to walk towards the Tower. A little lost, Tsuki watched him take a few steps before speaking up.
"Did you forget something at the office?" she blurted out in confusion.
He swirled around to give her a puzzled look in response.
"Haw? The office? Naw, why?"
"Because it looked like you were going back inside, so I thought—"
"That's 'cause we are goin' back inside."
She had wholly expected the place he had in mind to be somewhere else in Kamurocho — it being inside the Millennium Tower had definitely not been on her list of guesses. As surprised as she was by this turn of events, it nevertheless sparked curiosity anew within her. She had heard of the classy restaurants and bars located on the Tower's upper floors, but she had never had an opportunity to visit any of them. Now, suspecting one of them could be where they were heading, she felt very inaccurately dressed. However, seeing as he was also wearing his day-to-day clothes, it made her wonder. Whatever could he be planning this time? Surely, his office could not be the surprise he had mentioned… could it?
"Oh. Right… I didn't see that one coming."
"Good. Now, c'mon, I wanna see yer face when we get there," he grinned mischievously.
"I wouldn't get my hopes up if I were you," she smirked. "It takes a lot to impress me these days."
"Yeah, yeah — we'll see 'bout that."
He waited for her to catch up before leading her inside. The silence as they walked, Tsuki a step behind him, felt tense, serving only to feed her anxiety.
"Bit of a cold evenin', ain't it?" he noted once they had reached the two rows of elevators on the lower floor.
"It is," she nodded, wondering why he would say that when they were indoors. "Might have to dust off the old coat soon… Then again, it is the middle of November, so no surprise there. Think we'll see some early snow?"
"We might where we're goin'."
"...Huh?"
"C'mon. I already said too much — don't wanna completely spoil the surprise. Got a sneakin' suspicion you'll like it, though."
On one hand, she was somewhat glad for the fact that he had taken the initiative to make small talk; on the other, it was unlike him to bring up a subject as trivial as the weather to start a conversation. It almost made it seem like a smokescreen. Now that she thought about it, she realized he had been oddly unwilling to make eye contact with her from the moment he had approached her. To someone else, he might have seemed perfectly fine, but, in Tsuki's eyes, there was something different about him — and the longer she observed him that evening, the more confident she became in that assumption.
"How're things at the bar, by the way? Everythin' still as ya remember?" he broke the somewhat awkward silence once they stepped into the elevator, clearly trying to make small talk again.
"I wasn't gone long enough for something to change, you know," Tsuki smiled. "That said… Aki's done a great job at keeping the place up and running. Coming back, it was almost as if I'd never been gone in the first place. I guess I never noticed how good she's become at it — makes me feel like she ought to open a bar of her own sometime soon."
"Hoo… Think she'd rather do that than work for ya?"
"I don't know," Tsuki lowered her eyes, thinking. "We've never really talked about it — not seriously, anyway."
"Somethin' seem off 'bout her lately to make ya think she might, then?"
"No… She seems happy enough with how things are right now… but I can't help but think that she'd be able to truly spread her wings if she was running her own business."
"That'd make the two of ya rivals, though, wouldn't it?"
"Guess so."
"Well… At the end of the day, it's between ya two — but, from what I've seen so far, ya make a pretty good team."
"Hm, we always try to have each other's back, that much is true. And I'd definitely miss her if she decided to leave," a soft smile lit up Tsuki's face. "Alright. Then, maybe I'll leave Stray in her hands one day when I decide to open that karaage stand we talked about," she chuckled.
"Heh, it's yer call. As much as I'd like to see that, I think the bar wouldn't be quite the same without ya. You're sorta what makes it special, if ya ask me."
Entirely unprepared for such praise, she jerked her head up to look at him, heartbeat quickening. Noticing he was not looking her way, however, she promptly lowered her eyes again.
"You really think so?"
"Ah. Ya can have the most decked out bar there is, but, at the end of the day, it's the folks that run it that make it worth a damn. Trust me, I'd know."
The elevator kept climbing the floors, making Tsuki wonder just how many floors the Millennium Tower had as she watched the number on the screen go up, no sign of stopping.
"Thanks… I appreciate it."
"Just sayin' it like it is," he smirked. "Anyhow… Yer patrons musta been glad to have ya back, eh?"
"They were, yeah," she nodded. "Really makes it feel like somewhere you belong when people are happy to see you again after you've been gone for a while, when you think about it…"
"Yeah, must be nice havin' a place like that."
"Hm? Isn't it the same for you and your Family?"
"Heh… I wonder."
Before she had the chance to question him further, the elevator finally came to a stop and the door slid open with a ding. At a glance, the floor they were on appeared to only house offices. It was quiet and it did not seem like anyone else was there except for the two of them. With no bar or restaurant entrances in sight, she was now almost certain this would not be a dinner date.
"Gotta walk from here. This way," Majima said, beckoning her to follow.
"Don't tell me we're going to your office…"
"We ain't," he shook his head. "C'mon, you'll find out soon enough. But, uh… don't look at the signs if ya can help it."
"The signs?" falling in step, Tsuki voiced her confusion. "What do you mean?"
"Y'know, arrows an' shit. It'll ruin the surprise if ya read where we're goin' on a door."
For the first time that evening, she grinned from the heart, almost as though all the anxiousness she felt had disappeared. His determination to keep their destination secret felt so earnest that she could not help playing along with his charade.
"Okay, I'll try to keep my eyes on the floor, then."
"Hmm… Now that it came up, I got an idea. Ya could close 'em, an' I'll make sure ya don't trip."
"Pfft. Don't you think that's going a bit too far?"
"Dunno. Depends how much ya care 'bout it stayin' a surprise till the very last moment," he mused, then extended a hand in her direction. "Ain't much farther now."
She observed him for a few moments, thinking, trying — and failing — to push down the playful spark inside her that nudged her to take him up on his offer.
"I swear, if anyone sees us like this, I'm going to kill you," she sighed, giving in to the silliness of the situation.
Closing her eyes, she put her hand in his, placing her trust in him once again. If this whole thing was to blow up in her face, she thought, it was already too late, anyway.
"Ain't gonna happen," he replied with a low chuckle.
"Me killing you or someone seeing us?" she scoffed as they resumed walking.
"Neither. Careful now, stairs comin' up."
"Oh no, this was a bad idea, after all," she noted, unable to hold back a laugh.
"It'll be fine. This time, ya got me to keep an eye on ya."
She could not see it, but she could picture the smug grin which she was quite sure appeared on his face, and it made her smile as well. Somehow, with him by her side, she always felt more inclined to agree to such ridiculous things as this. The way he was, the things he said and did were a stark contrast to what she was accustomed to. In a sense, he was free from the rigid binds of society; perhaps that was one of the things which drew her to him so much. She knew, however, that everything came at a cost, and, just like her, even he was not entirely free. No-one ever is, after all, she thought; most of the time, breaking out of one set of chains only meant becoming bound by a different one instead.
Their progress was slow, but she enjoyed it for what it was, while it lasted. A few more moments of carefreeness to sweeten what could very well turn into a bitter experience for the both of them if she decided to follow Aki's advice. Feeling his hearty grip on her hand and hearing the joy in his voice, her resolve was beginning to weaken. Was it really the right thing for her to do to spoil what was shaping up to be a pleasant evening by bringing up something that, at least to her, seemed so difficult to talk about?
"Alright, last stop. Ya ready?" his voice pulled her out of her thoughts some time after they had reached the top of the stairs.
"Mm."
She heard him open a door, and the next thing she knew, she felt a cool breeze against her skin, the usual clamor of the city reaching her ears, but just barely. At that moment, all the puzzle pieces finally fell into place; she was now certain of what the surprise was, and the realization startled her so much that she almost forgot she was still supposed to keep her eyes closed.
"Wait a moment, are we—"
"Shush! You'll see for yerself in a sec."
"But if I know already, what's the point of keeping my eyes shut?"
"Hold yer horses for just a bit longer. An' watch yer step."
The sound of their footsteps unexpectedly changed to that of metal as they made another stop. A metal grate, perhaps? The answer came with the buzz of machinery coming to life, the surface they were standing on starting to move upwards. A platform, or an outdoor escalator of sorts, she surmised.
Once it had stopped moving, he carefully guided her for what felt like a few meters more, then let go of her hand. Taking it as a sign it was time for the big reveal, Tsuki opened her eyes and took a look around. Just as she had thought, they were on the roof of the Millennium Tower, the distant city lights surrounding them on all sides as far as the eye could see, the cloudy night sky the only thing above. Awestruck, all she could do was stand there, rooted to the spot.
"Surprise," Majima said softly.
When she turned to look at him, she saw the warmest smile lighting up his face as he studied her reaction.
"I…"
"Hm?"
"I-I've never been anywhere this high up before…" Tsuki finally managed, her voice quiet.
"I know," he said with a smug smile. "Ya said ya wondered what it'd be like to see the city from up high, so I thought: why the hell not?"
Taken aback, Tsuki's eyes widened a little. To her, it had merely been something she had said on the spur of the moment — yet he had not only taken it to heart, but decided to act on it as well. To say she was moved was to say nothing at all. The knot in her stomach was now accompanied by the all-too-familiar ache in her chest.
"Honestly, I'm amazed you remembered something like that…"
"See now why I didn't wanna spoil the surprise?"
"I admit… Until that last bit, I absolutely didn't expect this. That said… Is it okay for us to be here?"
He grinned triumphantly, seeing the awe on her face, then started walking towards the safety railings at the edge, his confident stride a testimony to the numerous trips he had made to the rooftop in the past. Inviting her here, he had hoped to show her something special; something he was sure she had never seen before. Judging by her reaction, it looked like it had worked.
"It's totally fine. Done it plenty of times myself. C'mere, ya ain't seen nothin' yet from back there," he gestured for her to come over to where he was standing in front of the safety railing.
Still, she made no attempt to move from her spot. Noticing that she seemed unusually tense, he gave her a concerned look.
"Ya alright there?"
"Y-Yeah. I think I'm fine right here, actually…" she answered, an uncharacteristic nervousness audible in her voice.
"Haw?" he tilted his head, unable to fathom what the issue might be. The realization came to him only a few moments later, and a mischievous grin spread across his face. "Ain't no way! Did I actually find the fearless Tsuki-chan's only weakness? An' totally by chance, too?"
The fierce scowl she gave him in return made him burst into a bout of unrestrained laughter.
"This isn't funny!" she scolded him. "I told you I'd never been so high up before! How was I supposed to know this would happen?!"
The more he laughed, the redder her face became from the anger and embarrassment she felt at her body's reaction.
"Oh, ain't this somethin'," he summed up, finally stopping to catch his breath. "Alright, here," he approached her, extending a hand in her direction. "C'mon, ya can do this."
Reluctantly, she put her hand in his. His firm grip felt reassuring; step by step, she walked up to the railing and grabbed it with one hand, then the other. One glance at what was below was enough for her body to instinctively stiffen. She could not remember the last time she had felt so embarrassed with herself.
The fact she was holding onto the bar so tightly that her knuckles were turning white did not escape Majima's notice. He would never have expected she would be afraid of heights — but neither had she, apparently. He had not laughed like that in a long time but, looking at her now, a part of him was beginning to feel sorry about it.
Regret, however, was quickly pushed aside by a rush of adrenaline caused by an idea which popped into his head. Moving closer, he wrapped his arms around her waist from behind, his cheek lightly brushing against the side of her head, the back of her leather jacket soft and cool against his skin. It was a bold move, but, in addition to providing a measure of comfort to her, he also wanted to know how she would react.
"Wh—" she instinctively turned her head, tickling his face with her hair.
"Now ya ain't goin' anywhere," he murmured into her ear, trying his best to not make his voice reveal just how nervous being so close to her made him. "Loosen up an' enjoy the view."
Despite the brief moment of bafflement, she did not try to escape his hold. Slowly, he could feel her muscles relax, her grip on the railing becoming less desperate.
There ya go.
His confident hold and the weight of his body serving as an anchor, Tsuki was able to temporarily forget about her newly-discovered fear. Feeling his body so close to hers, however, was now making her nervous for an entirely different reason. She took a deep breath, pushing those thoughts away for the time being, and focused on what was in front of her.
The sea of lights as far as the eye could see against the black canvas of the night was breathtaking. From this height, everything seemed small and insignificant; it was difficult to imagine that even now, in those miniscule streets and buildings, millions of people were going about their daily lives. She had been living in Kamurocho for so long, yet she had never imagined she would one day be standing on top of its tallest building. There was truly something magical about it.
"It's beautiful…" she said quietly, eyes wide and full of wonder.
"Right? Told ya it'd be worth it."
"Yeah… I just wish I didn't have to suddenly find out I'm afraid of heights along the way," she grumbled.
A small, throaty chuckle escaped him.
"Guess we both learned somethin' new today, huh?"
"I'd agree, if it wasn't at the cost of the last shreds of my dignity."
"Aw, c'mon. I ain't tellin' anybody, so don't feel bad 'bout it. An', uh… Sorry 'bout laughin' at ya like that. Didn't mean t—"
"It's okay. Now, stop rubbing it in."
"Fine, fine," he chuckled. "I'll let ya be."
He gave her time to take in the sights, all the while trying to work up the courage for what he wanted to say next. The uncertainty of what exactly the bond between them was had been eating away at his heart and mind both. He needed answers, no matter what they would turn out to be.
"I gotta tell ya somethin'," he eventually broke the silence, drawing her attention away from the view and back to him. "The main reason for my invitin' ya here was so ya could see the sights, sure, but… I wanted to talk to ya 'bout somethin', too."
She let go of the railing and moved against his arms, making him release his hold enough that she could turn to face him. Contrary to her expectations, however, he took a step back and bashfully scratched the back of his head.
"Um… sure. What is it?"
Watching him expectantly, she waited, but he seemed reluctant to continue. It was odd for him to act this way. He looked uncomfortable, anxious even; his being distraught like this only made her own nervousness grow. He was fidgeting, as though searching for the right words to say. What in the world could be on his mind at a time like this? Was it actually what she feared it could be?
Finally, he spoke after letting out a frustrated growl.
"Bah. This shit never gets any easier, does it?" he smiled nervously. "What I'm tryin' to say is… I've been meanin' to ask ya 'bout… 'bout us."
In an instant, Tsuki's heart was in her throat. She had thought she would be the one to broach the subject; she had not expected him to do it first. If he had been considering it, too, it would explain why he had been acting so strange earlier, she realized. After all, for all the time they had spent together after she had sprained her ankle, as well as the tender moment they had shared on the eve of her return to work, as improbable as it might have seemed, neither of them had taken the initiative to voice what must have been on their minds all along. Now that he had made the choice she had been struggling with for her, there was no turning back anymore.
"What about… us?"
He heaved a sigh, a look of hurt on his face.
"Stop actin' like nothin's goin' on already. Y'know what I mean. What are we even doin' at this point?" He paused, letting the question hang in the air for a few tense moments. "This thing between us… I wanna know what it is. 'Cause if you're just yankin' my chain, then I want ya to tell me, 'fore… 'fore I…"
He left the rest unsaid, knowing that he was already one foot past the point of no return. No matter how she would answer, some things would never be the same again. Either outcome terrified him, just for different reasons. Lifting his gaze so he could meet hers for the first time that evening, he saw her avert her eyes. A small sigh escaped her, a pained expression painting itself on her face. His heart sank to the pit of his stomach as he braced for what she would say.
"In all honesty… I'd been meaning to ask you the same thing."
"Haw?…" Suddenly, he felt thrown for a loop. "Whaddya mean?"
"Especially that last part, you know?"
"Wait — wha?"
She was silent for what felt like an eternity. Majima waited for what she was about to say with bated breath. This was not at all the answer he had expected.
"You see… When I met you, I knew nothing about you. In truth, I thought you were just some weirdo yakuza," she began, turning her gaze back to the lit-up cityscape, the recollection putting a small smile on her lips. "Even so, you intrigued me, and, in the end, you turned out to be unlike any guy I'd ever met. But… the more I learned about you, what you'd gone through, what you'd accomplished… the less sense it made to me why you'd want to have anything to do with a zero like me," she scoffed with self-disdain. "I was enjoying myself, though, so I thought I'd take it one day at a time and see what would happen… But then, I got carried away when I kissed you that night in the street and—"
"So ya remembered that after all, huh?" he interjected in a sullen voice. "How come ya never brought it up 'til now?"
"Well, what did you expect me to do? Start the conversation with 'hey, remember that time I got drunk and kissed you'?"
"Uh… Actually, that's exactly what ya shoulda done," he nodded, moving closer to the railing and leaning in in an attempt to meet her gaze. However, seemingly unwilling to meet his eye, she remained silent. "What I don't get is… Ya make it seem like ya want for us to be… more than friends, ya let me get close — an' then ya turn 'round an' keep me at arm's length again. Feels like I'm gropin' in the dark here… I dunno what to think anymore an' it's drivin' me crazy," he went on. Knowing they were past the point of no return, he no longer cared about holding back what was on his mind, letting the words tumble freely from his lips. "An' what 'bout last time? Ya let me kiss ya, an' then… it looked like ya were regrettin' it. After that, ya were silent as a grave 'til I called ya yesterday, an' even then, ya acted like nothin' ever happened. Like… it'd been some kinda fever dream. What gives?"
When she finally looked up at him, the hurt he saw in her eyes stung as though someone had pressed the tip of a knife into his chest.
"I… I was afraid, alright?!" Voice trembling, she spread her arms in a desperate gesture. "Same reason why I tried to dissuade you from helping me after I sprained my ankle! I wanted to trust you, but because of that fear, that… doubt I was feeling, I couldn't help but push you away…" She put her arms down again and balled her fists at her sides. "Can't you see? I've been here before… and now you know as well as I do how it ended last time."
Aware of how much her ex-partner's ruthless betrayal weighed on her, he understood why she would be reluctant to truly trust another this way — after all, he was much the same — but it did not change the fact that her words still stung.
"I'd never do somethin' like that to ya," he said, his tone as serious as he could manage. "Thought ya knew that by now. Makes me sick to even think about it."
"I want to believe you. I really do, but… it's not easy to forget and move on after something like that. Not for me. There've been times when people turned away from me after finding out only a fraction of what you know — it was like they could sense there was something inherently wrong with me, and they ended up deciding they didn't want to have anything to do with it. Honestly, I'm terrified when I think you might decide to do the same thing…"
"An' yet, I'm still here," he enunciated. "I coulda run, just like ya said — but I'm still here. Ya think I'd be doin' all this if I wanted to bail later? I'd hafta be outta my mind to turn my back on ya 'cause of what happened to ya 'fore we met. The way I see it… this time, it's you who's runnin' away, tryin' to distance yerself from me when it looks like what ya really wanna do is the exact opposite. Why?"
"Because I don't understand you."
"...Haw?" he vocalized in confusion, letting his jaw drop.
"You… You insisted on being there for me even though you didn't have to be. You helped me so much, wanting nothing in return. Even when I told you about all those fucked up things that happened to me, you still didn't give up on me. You know… It's actually embarrassing to say how happy it made me. But then… I started asking myself what a nobody like me could do to repay the kindness you've shown me. After all, what in the world could I give someone like you? What could I possibly have that you'd want? I still haven't been able to find so much as a half-decent answer to those questions," she scoffed. "So I started thinking that… maybe you're in it just for some fun. And if that's the case, then that's fine, I can accept that. After all, it's not like I haven't been enjoying myself, too. But I want to know if that's all this is."
He stared at her with a mixture of disbelief and utter confusion. Out of the two of them, he had thought he was the bigger mess, but now it was becoming clear that she had been equally as conflicted. His heart was beginning to pick up pace. It was not exactly the straightforward answer he would have wanted, but she had not turned him down, either.
"That really what's been goin' through yer head all this time?"
"In a nutshell, yeah…"
He gave her a pitiful look in return.
"Did ya not hear anythin' I said up 'til now?..."
"I simply want you to give me a clear answer, so tell me straight — what's the deal with you? Is this all just a game to you?"
Shoulders sagging, he heaved a loud sigh.
"Alright, fine… I admit — at the start, I was doin' it for the fun of it." He paused, his expression turning serious. "But that ain't the case anymore. Ain't been for a long time now."
"Then… why? Why would someone like you do so much for a nobody like me? What do you really want from me?" she implored him.
At this point, he could no longer decide whether her words evoked fiery anger or bottomless sorrow within him.
"What's up with ya spoutin' that self-deprecatin' nonsense all of a sudden? Stop makin' it sound like I'm some kinda nobility. Ya think I care 'bout fame, money, all that crap?" he protested, trying his darndest to keep his voice from trembling in frustration. "What do I want from ya? Truth is… ya already gave me more than I coulda ever asked for. Ya… Ya made me feel somethin' I'd been sure I'd never feel again." As he spoke, his voice grew quieter, as though every word was more difficult to utter than the one before. "When I'm with ya… I can just be myself — an' ya don't seem to mind that at all. Makes me think that… if there's still someone out there that can genuinely enjoy bein' with me, then… maybe there's still hope for me, 'spite everythin', y'know?" Words could hardly express how much that meant to him. "What I want… I… I want us to keep seein' each other. But not 'cause ya feel like ya owe it to me or somethin' — but 'cause ya want to. 'C-Cause… I really like bein' with ya."
For a brief moment, her eyes widened in surprise; then, she quickly turned away, almost shyly. He took his place next to her again and, putting his hands in his hip pockets, joined her in staring into the distance.
"Y'know… That night ya took me off the street… ya saved me in more ways than one. Ya treated me like any other guy when most people would rather spit on me or run the hell away. Thought ya were crazy, at the start, but somethin' 'bout ya intrigued me, made me wanna know more. An' the more I found out, the more I saw it wasn't just for show," he went on softly, as if speaking to himself. "I'm the one who ain't worthy here, to be honest with ya. An' now that I know what ya been through, I should be the one askin' ya why ya still wanna waste yer time on trash like me."
Glancing down at her face, he noticed her eyes were glistening. When she finally spoke, her voice came out quiet and strained.
"Because to me… you're not trash, no matter what anyone might say," she said, the words evoking a barely-audible gasp from him. "If anyone deserves to be called trash here, it's me."
The wave of joy that washed over him was immediately canceled out by the anger hearing her say that about herself caused to flare up inside him.
"You, trash? The hell?" he frowned, turning to face her.
"If my former life doesn't make me trash, then I don't know what would."
"I get where you're comin' from, sure, but… That's totally different from—"
"Is it?" she looked up at his face, her eyes brimming with sorrowful anger. "Nobody forced me to do the things I did — I chose to do them myself, often not giving a crap about other people. You yakuza at least have some standards — the crowd I ran with had virtually none. We'd do anything, as long as it turned us a profit, consequences be damned, no regard for the law or those we might hurt in the process. Why do you think the yakuza used us for jobs even they wouldn't touch? Because we'd gladly do them, while they could keep their hands clean. We were nothing more than tools to be used and then discarded once we broke or were no longer of use. If you're trash, then I'd say that makes me an even worse kind of trash in comparison."
"Ya ain't that person anymore, though. Ya left that life behind, while I'm still—"
"That doesn't mean the things I did never happened!" she raised her voice. "They're still a part of me — and will be for the rest of my life, like a stain I'll never be able to wash out… The only thing I managed to do over the years was to accept that. So don't put me on some kind of pedestal when we're pretty much cut from the same cloth!"
"You're so goddamn stubborn, y'know?" Majima sighed.
It was her turn to step away from the safety railing and face him directly.
"And you're too goddamn thick-headed to believe that someone might actually see something worth giving a shit about in you! And besides, you didn't seem to have any trouble making random lewd jokes, but when it started looking like there might be more between us than we were letting on, you played dumb, too, until now. Why didn't you say something sooner?"
"'Cause I fuck up everythin' I touch!" he burst out, spreading his arms wide. "Almost everythin' I get involved in eventually turns to shit! An' everyone who gets close to me ends up gettin' hurt in the end, one way or another… So don't fault me for tryin' to avoid screwin' up yer life, too!"
"That's not true! From what I heard from Aki, you built the biggest family in the Tojo. If that's really true, then I'm sure so many people wouldn't follow you if they didn't see something worth following in you, would they? You can't tell me you don't realize that much, 'cause I won't believe it," she rebuked him.
"All they care 'bout is the Mad Dog. That's who they wanna follow," he waved his hand dismissively. "As long as you're strong, people will flock to ya like flies to shit. That's just how it works."
"The rookies, perhaps. But I'm sure there are also those who care about you not only because you're their boss, but because of the man you are. And I'm sure that, deep down, you care about them equally as much, even if you won't admit it. You can't build something that's worth a damn on physical strength alone."
"How would ya know? Ya ain't got nothin' to do with the yakuza, beyond servin' 'em drinks every now an' then."
"Not anymore, but, like I told you, I had more than enough experience with them before I decided to step onto the straight and narrow. Even if it was from the sidelines, I still saw people who held families together only because they were strong — or thought they were. People who evoked fear in their subordinates rather than respect, or admiration. Sooner or later, they ended up with a knife in their back," she frowned. "But alright, let's say I'll give you that one. Tell me, then — did you ever hurt someone on purpose for getting close to you?"
He considered her question for a moment, his expression somber.
"I… Naw. Still, whenever somethin' seems to be goin' right, it's just a matter of time 'fore it crumbles to dust, don't matter how much I struggle for it not to."
"Yeah, but that's how it is sometimes, isn't it? We give it our all and, in the end, it still doesn't work out. It's frustrating as hell, and unfair, too, but that doesn't mean we shouldn't pick ourselves up and keep trying our best next time. That's just life."
"If it only happened sometimes, we wouldn't be havin' this talk, y'know. For me, it's become a pattern."
The more she heard him speak about what weighed him down, the more she felt she understood why this was proving so difficult for him. At least in that regard they seemed to be more alike than she would have ever assumed back when they first met.
"You're… scared it will happen again, aren't you," she said, noting the irony that she might as well have been giving voice to her own inhibitions.
He did not reply immediately; he did not need to, the answer clear from the sadness in his eye as he lowered his gaze.
"It's more like… I know it will," he finally said, defeat audible in his voice. "Don't matter when or why, but it'll happen… an' I'll be powerless to do anythin' about it…"
"Then… why did you decide to finally bring it up?"
"After last time, I… I couldn't take it anymore. 'Cause, when I think 'bout these past few months… some dumb part of me refuses to let go, hopin' that this time things'll be different, somehow. Really am a fool, ain't I?"
When he lifted his gaze to look at her again, it was as though he was expecting her to confirm that what he had said was true. To Tsuki, seeing him struggle so much with his own demons was heart-breaking. She did not want to see him suffer like this anymore, but, as painful as it was, maybe it was how it had to be.
"No. At least, I don't think so. If that makes you a fool, then it means I'm one, too," she gave him a bitter smile. "To tell you the truth… I was close to canceling today a few times. Even had my phone in my hands, ready to call you at one point."
"Ya didn't, though…"
"No, I didn't. I realized it wouldn't solve anything — it would just postpone the inevitable. And… that I'd only be running away again from something I was scared of facing. Same as you, a part of me told me to keep going, despite all the awful shit that happened before. To stop dwelling on the past — and try again."
"Yeah, but… There's only so much shit ya can take 'fore ya start wonderin' if there's even a point in tryin' anymore."
"If that's how you feel, then why are we even here, talking about it? Isn't it a sign that, no matter how hard it might be, we're both willing to give in to that small voice at the back of our heads?"
Hearing her say it, Majima's eye widened in realization. She had a point — if he truly wanted to cut ties with her completely, he had had ample time and opportunities to do so, yet he had not.
"You're sayin' us bein' here means we're both willin' to try again, even if we know it may end up goin' to hell?"
"Mm. Am I wrong?"
"Heh… Guess ya ain't wrong," he scoffed, a small, bitter smile lifting one corner of his mouth. "I just… I don't wanna fuck this up. 'Cause of who I am, 'cause of the way I am — hell, maybe 'cause of somethin' I don't even have a say in… What if somethin' happens, an', one day, we end up hatin' each other's guts? I don't want that. That's why I've been thinkin'… maybe it'd be better if we stayed… I mean… went back to…"
"Listen. If that's what you really want, then… let's enjoy tonight for what it is, and, starting tomorrow, forget about everything else — and move on."
Despite the audible disappointment in her voice, her eyes were filled with determination. Now that Majima knew his feelings were not entirely one-sided, he was certain the words must not have been easy for her to speak. Mouth agape, he stood there, feeling the noose he himself had tied around his neck tighten. Faced with what seemed to be the last chance to make a choice either way, all he could think of was how everything inside him violently rebelled against her suggestion.
"I don't wanna forget," he let the words tumble from his lips. "But I don't wanna drag ya into somethin' ya might end up regrettin', either."
Folding her arms, Tsuki took a moment to consider how to respond.
"Well… I wish I could say everything will turn out all right — but I can't, I'm not a fortune teller. But neither are you. The bottom line is, all we can do is give it our best shot, right?"
"Even if it don't work out?..."
"Even if it doesn't work out. Besides, it's not like you're alone in this — I don't want to blow this, either," she gave him a crooked smile. "And… I think I'm beginning to understand what's going on with you."
"...Huh?"
She took a step closer to him before continuing.
"Let me tell you something. I may not be a role-model when it comes to a lot of things, but there's something I've learned over the years. Be it comradery, friendship, or love… Sometimes, people forget it's as much about taking as it is about giving. Also, being ready to sacrifice a part of yourself for the sake of the other. And that goes for both parties involved." She met his eye and steadily held his gaze. "Tell me, Majima-san — are you a taker or a giver? Because my nose is telling me that you're a giver who's met quite a few takers along the way — so when things go wrong, you choose to blame yourself instead of accepting that it isn't always your fault."
It was terrifying how insightful she could be when she put her mind to it. While he did not fully agree with everything she had said, her words resonated with him. Despite having experienced more of the dark side of life than any regular person would within their lifetime, somehow she still insisted on trying to see the good in the people around her — even someone like him. How could she be so scarred, yet remain so pure at the same time?
"Guess… there were times when it felt like people needed me only 'cause of who I was. Or, rather, needed somethin' from me… But when they're allies, some even friends, how can I refuse?"
"See what I mean? Definitely a giver, you," Tsuki chuckled.
"Feh, ya might have a point… Take it or leave it, that's just how I roll," Majima scoffed.
"I, for one, think it's wonderful. A rare quality in people — in yakuza, even more so, I'd say. I'm… really glad that I met you, you know?" she smiled, noticing the deepening redness of his cheeks.
Unable to fathom what he possibly could have done to deserve being treated with such kindness, he nevertheless craved it more than he was ready to admit, even to himself. After everything he had heard from her that evening, he was sure it was not for show, nor a superficial attempt on her part to make him feel better about himself. She really did seem to care. Although still failing to see the exact reason why she would, he could not deny that it made him positively ecstatic.
"D-Dunno what you're smokin' to stay so positive, but I wouldn't say no to tryin' it myself," he chuckled, almost bashfully.
"It's called seeing and experiencing enough fucked up shit to have a decent idea about how people work."
"Ya sure ya shouldn't be a shrink instead of a bartender?"
"Hah! Maybe in a different life," she laughed. "But, since I'm not certified in this one, and I doubt I ever will be, I can't guarantee that what I say is right. Not to mention that accepting payment in drinks bought would make for a questionable business practice."
"Questionable, maybe, but ya can't deny it's workin' — I mean, ya already pretty much have an invisible 'Buy a drink, vent, get life advice' sign at yer bar anyway."
"If you say so. I just do what feels right and say what I think. If serving people drinks and listening to their problems helps them in some way, then why would I stop doing it?" she shrugged.
The air around them seemed somewhat lighter now, and Majima was beginning to feel a new kind of tiredness set in. Judging by the fact Tsuki seemed more eager to respond with laughter than before, he wondered if it was the same for her. Almost as though they had just fought each other again, this time using words instead of their fists. They each said their piece, that much was true, but, while it had shed light on some matters, were they any closer to agreeing on something than before? Seeing as they were both still there, waiting for what the other would say next, perhaps they were, he thought. Out of the blue, a mischievous smile appeared on his face.
"Alright, o wise guru of the streets. In that case, I got a question for ya."
"Go on," she giggled, deciding to play along.
"So, uh… There's this gal I like an'... I think she likes me too, but… I'm worried that she don't realize what she's gettin' herself into. What would ya do if ya were me, o sage of liquor?"
Tsuki could not help snorting with laughter before answering.
"For starters, you should stop questioning her choices every chance you get. She is not a child, and the decision who she wants to spend her time with is entirely hers to make."
"Even if it brings her dangerously close to a life she's worked her ass off to leave behind?"
Tsuki lowered her eyes, considering her next words carefully.
"You know… After what happened, it's true that I told myself I'd never willingly go anywhere near Kamurocho's underworld ever again," she said, putting an end to their little game by dropping the third person. "Then, I met you — and now, here I am, standing on the edge once more. It's ironic, isn't it? Maybe I am crazy, after all, but… this time, it feels right, you know? As cliché as it sounds."
"Listen, if you're havin' second thoughts… now'd be a good time to say it. If ya tell me to back off — that it'll be better if we go back to just bein' patron an' bartender, nothin' more — then I'll respect that."
His voice was low, and she could see a shadow pass over his face. His single good eye betrayed the same profound sadness she had seen in it on that fateful night when they met. It made her heart ache, certain that if she said she wanted nothing more to do with him from that day forward, he would honor her wish without a word of complaint, no matter how much suffering it would bring him.
"Is that what you really want me to say, though?" she knit her brow, hoping that he would tell her the truth.
Heartbeat pounding in his ears, he balled his fists at his sides, and gave in to the bittersweet ache in his chest.
"...No," he replied in a strained voice, the word itself more of a plea than a statement.
Relief washing over her, she flashed him a joyous grin.
"Good. Because I'm not too keen on lying like that."
"Ya mean—"
Hand shaking slightly, Tsuki reached out and touched his cheek. His eye widened in response to her touch — a flicker of hope lighting up his face.
"I want you in my life. I'd never be able to forgive myself if I walked away right now. It's time I stopped running away from what I feel and listened to my heart."
"Tsuki-chan…" he breathed her name. A part of him had expected her to back out, to succumb to the fear he knew still lay buried deep inside her. But there she was, standing tall, willing to face her inner demons to be with him. He was terrified, but, at the same time, his heart was singing. "Havin' me in yer life ain't gonna be easy..."
"You think I don't know that?" she rebuked him. "But… I want this. I don't think I've ever felt this sure about something… No — about someone. Unless… I'm the only one who feels that way. If that's the case, then I want you to t—"
Before she could finish the thought, he took a step towards her and pulled her into a tight embrace, making the words die in her throat. Meeting his gaze, the look in his eye sent a shiver down her spine — it told her everything she needed to know.
Tilting his head, he leaned in, this time without any hesitation, and she closed her eyes in anticipation. Feeling his lips on her own, she let him in. A delicate taste of tobacco still lingering from when he must have smoked before they met up, the hotness of his tongue was a stark contrast to the chilly air around them. The kiss was unhurried and tantalizingly gentle; it left her reeling when he eventually pulled away. She wanted more, but knew that if she gave in to the fire burning inside, it would utterly consume her.
"That a good enough answer for ya?" he whispered against her lips, a smug grin on his face.
"...It is," she returned his smile, feeling as light as a feather.
There was nary a hint left of the sorrow and uncertainty she had seen in his gaze before. Looking at him now made her realize she had been living for that smile for the past two months. It was astounding how much she had fallen for him in such a short time. She had loved before — but the flame he had lit in her heart was something else entirely. So what if he did not fit into society's standards? Neither did she. She liked to think that she had grown since her naive days on the streets; she was ready and willing to face any danger that might come her way, as long as it meant she could be there for him when he needed her.
"So, does that mean we're good now?"
"More than good, I'd say," he chuckled, tightening his embrace and resting his head against hers.
For so long, he had wanted to hold her in his arms like this — without doubt, without fear, basking in the joy of knowing she welcomed it.
"If there's anything else you want to say, or ask me, then…"
"Heh. If I didn't know what I do 'bout ya, I'd ask if ya think ya can keep up with me, but I s'ppose I already know the answer," he smirked.
She could not stop a bright, toothy grin from lighting up her face again, even if he could not see it.
"I'd worry about myself if I were you."
Hearing this, he moved to face her again.
"Oh? Them's fightin' words, y'know."
"Go ahead and try me."
The pugnacious spark he so much liked was back in her eyes once more. Seeing her fighting spirit return made him almost stupidly happy.
"I just might…" A soft smile playing on his lips, he gently pressed his forehead to hers and closed his eye. "Promise me one thing, though," he added softly. "Promise me ya won't change 'cause of me. Keep walkin' in the light — an' leave the shadows to me, alright?"
"That's… pretty poetic," she noted, evoking a small chuckle from him in reply. "Hmm… I might just have a good response."
"Oh? Go on…"
"If you're to walk in the shadows and I in the light… how about we make dusk and dawn where we meet?"
Pulling back, he whistled.
"Damn. Now, ain't that deep," he giggled.
"Oh, come on! I tried, you know!"
She pushed him away, laughing. Then, feigning offense, she turned back towards the safety railing and fixed her gaze on the nightscape in front once more.
"What? Didn't say 'twas bad or anythin', did I?"
He followed suit, taking his place beside her.
"Yeah? Then why are you laughing?" she pouted.
"Dunno. Just feel like it. C'mere."
He embraced her with one arm and pulled her close. She returned his gesture, placing her arm across the back of his blazer. Giving voice to the feelings and doubts that they had been keeping to themselves until now had truly been liberating. It had also ultimately put them on a brand-new path; and even though neither of them knew where it would lead, at least they chose it themselves. Drunk on happiness as they were, for the time being, all that seemed to lie ahead was excitement.
They watched the flickering lights of the city in content silence as, one after another, tiny snowflakes began to fall from the hoary clouds above.
"It's gettin' cold," Majima spoke up after a while. "We should prob'ly go back inside soon."
"Mm," Tsuki nodded curtly in acknowledgment.
"Ya can stay the night if ya want, y'know. We could finish that movie from last time, have a drink… There's enough room to sleep at the office — I'll make sure nobody disturbs ya."
His offer took her by surprise. As tempted as she was to accept, she felt she was not ready. Although she longed to be with him — now that she knew he had not been toying with her, more than ever — the last thing she wanted to do was rush this. The last few weeks had already pushed their relationship to another level quicker than she would have anticipated. She had laid her heart bare to him that evening — it was enough, for now. Even if she was reading too much into it, for all her confidence, she felt like she needed some time to process this new reality she now found herself in.
"I'd love to," she lowered her gaze a little shyly, "but there's actually something I've still got to take care of today. Besides, wouldn't it cause you problems if your boys saw me?"
"Ain't like they got a say in the matter. I'll tell 'em you're my girl an' if even one of 'em looks at ya funny, they're gonna find my fist right up their asses."
"Well, be that as it may," she said, barely able to stop herself from laughing, "it doesn't change the fact I need to take care of something before tomorrow."
"Aw, c'mon, whatever it is, can't ya do it tomorrow before work?"
"If I could, I wouldn't be telling you about it, would I? Next time we get a chance, I'll make sure we have the whole night to ourselves. But not tonight."
Her vague answers seemed to have left him confused — she could almost hear the gears turning in his head. With a resigned sigh, he soon recovered, but the subtle hint of disappointment in his eye had not escaped her notice.
"Alright. Then, lemme at least see ya off."
"I'd like that. Mind if we stay for a few more minutes, though? I want to make sure I remember this view well."
"Haw?... We can come back another time, y'know. No point in freezin' our butts off."
"I know, but… tonight is special. I want to remember this feeling."
He studied her profile as she gazed out at the city lights flickering in the distance, a soft, warm smile on her face. He felt powerless to refuse her.
"Heh, fine. Just a couple more minutes, though. I ain't lettin' ya catch a cold," he relented.
He could not help thinking that something about her answer to his invitation felt off. He did not want to doubt her; all the same, he could not stop thinking if there was some other reason why she would refuse. Concluding that, perhaps, he was overthinking it, he tightened his embrace around her and gently pressed the side of his face against her head, letting her enjoy the moment for as long as she wanted.
The elevator ride down to the base floor of the Millennium Tower felt somewhat awkward. Majima seemed dejected and was avoiding eye contact again. Tsuki felt bad for him — maybe she had read too much into his earlier proposal; maybe he simply wanted them to spend more time together, no strings attached. Either way, she had made her choice and it was too late to go back on it now. She stepped out of the elevator first, then stopped and turned to face him.
"I'll be okay from here on out."
"Ya sure?"
His short question seemed unnecessary — he knew full well she did not need an escort all the way. In Tsuki's eyes, he was trying to postpone their parting. She could not fault him — she wanted to stay with him just as much.
"Of course. Thank you for today, and… see you again soon?"
"Yeah."
When he turned to press the button to open the elevator door again, she decided it was the perfect moment to show him that her refusal did not mean rejection.
"Majima-san?"
Hearing her speak his name, he immediately jerked his head up to look at her. She quickly closed the gap between them; her hand flew past his ear, and she hooked her fingers around the back of his head, pulling him in.
"Hm?! Mmm…" he vocalized when her lips met his, the initial surprise blending into joy as he surrendered to her unexpected kiss.
But, just as he parted his lips, craving for more, she let go of him and took a step back. Before he could react, she was already walking towards the exit.
"I'll be in touch!" she called out to him, grinning.
Majima stood next to the elevators wide-eyed, mouth agape, his heart racing. There she went again with an unexpected farewell kiss. One of these days, he would learn to no longer be caught off-guard by it.
He watched her as she swiftly climbed the steps of one of the disabled escalators leading up to the first floor. The warmth of her lips still lingering on his own, he had half a mind to chase after her, but he managed to stop himself. She had said she still needed to do something that evening, and it was not his place to try to selfishly prevent her from it. And even if it was an excuse, she must have had a good reason for it; a reason he would probably learn, in time. Did she have to tease him like that, though? Taking a deep breath, he stepped back into the elevator. Next time, he would not let her get away with a stunt like that, he mused as he realized just how much had changed between them that night — and how many new possibilities it opened.
It took him some time afterwards to calm down and stop thinking about the things he wanted to do together with her — and to her — now that he finally knew where they stood. Absent-mindedly browsing what was still on TV from the comfort of the family office sofa, he wished for it to already be the next day, so badly did he wish to see her again.