Chapter 9: Rescue
He's lost track of time. Again. This happened before. Bucky knows Steve – and Loki too, probably – are looking for him, but...
(He still remembers when they told him Steve was dead. Remembers how guttingly devastated he had been. That he'd failed the one thing he tried to do. He knew Steve would lose it if something happened to him. He didn't expect it to happen again. Should have.)
Everything is dark in the Vault. His cell, the cyro-freeze they haven't put him back into yet – he would remember if they had, right? It's hard to say. His memories are getting jagged again – the rooms...
He's hungry. Which is ridiculous, because they still feed him through an IV, and they do it all the time. But he hadn't eaten real food in years when Loki pulled him out of this, had almost forgotten it was a thing people did until Clint shoved a cereal bowl at him and told him to eat.
He hadn't eaten in years. Yeah, sure, it's a normal thing that normal people do but Bucky's not normal.
The Asset certainly isn't normal.
He doesn't know what he is anymore. They're – yeah, he knows how this is going, and he has to stop it. The Words still work, though it's easier to come back now that he remembers. Now that he remembers a thing to come back to.
He's not Hydra. He's not this and he doesn't want to pretend to be. Not after he already nearly killed Steve for them when Steve is all that matters and he would've done it twice over.
He knows Steve, and he knows his stupid little brother wouldn't have cared if he had died himself, because he was doing what he thought was right no matter what its cost was. He's going to do that again, trying to find him, to bring him back. That's just the way Steve has always been.
And what can he do? Just sit here? Let it happen? He can't do that but he's too afraid to try escaping on his own. Bucky has tried that, and the result has always been the same.
He has orders and he can't defy his orders – knows that.
He needs to do something. They're going to keep wiping his memories until they're gone. They know he remembers, and he doesn't know how. Just that they kept running tests on him, some sort of scans or something.
Once he starts breaking out, it'll be too late to stop if he doesn't think he'll make it. And Bucky doesn't know if he'll make it.
They let him rest a while until he's mostly healed, until the bullet holes stitched themselves back together.
There are already things he doesn't remember, though whether it's from the memories being gone or from the pain ceaselessly burning in his head, he doesn't know. The pain never lets up. They don't let him rest long enough for it too. They're not going to let him heal, and for the first time in decades he knows it's not –
He doesn't need this like they told him, or – or maybe he's messed up enough that – he does?
He knows he's supposed to be a person or at least that he was before Zola turned him into this.
Nothing makes sense anymore.
Nothing except that he doesn't belong here, and the rage twisting in his chest, burning and demanding to be let out. He's done that done that done that how many more times will he try and fail before he learns –
They've done well at making him forget he's human. Steve would say otherwise. He remembers a time he – was? But that feels like someone else's life. They haven't really let him move for days, and he knows without being told that's what happens for running away.
He's zoned out for at least what must be a lot of the time.
And that's still where he is when he hears something. Noise. Someone coming.
His body tenses and the door slides open. He doesn't want to look.
Some sort of... energy prickles in the air, and then he hears a sigh. The voice is familiar. He blinks, trying to turn his head.
"Sorry," Loki says, "It took longer than expected to track you down."
He tries to talk, but he can't move his jaw.
Loki steps up to him, slicing his restraints and grabbing his shoulder to steady him to sit upright. He pries the muzzle off, throwing it on the floor.
Bucky inhales deeply, shakily. The air in here is still musty and genuinely unpleasant, but he can still breathe and it feels good.
"Can you walk?"
Maybe. He's not sure. Could use a drink, though but his throat is too dry to speak. He doesn't know what to say, if he's supposed to talk or – or –
He nods tentatively, and Loki grabs his arm, hauling him up. "Good. Come on."
Hasn't really walked at all for days either but he can still stumble after Loki as he makes for the door. It's relieving to even be able to move again. But he's escaping and –
If this doesn't work, he's going to be right back there and they'd probably do even worse if they ever get to him again. They'll – he doesn't want to know. But Hydra is still everywhere and they were able to get to him once and he's too afraid to believe that they won't be able to get to him again. And that means that by leaving, he's guaranteeing that he's just going to make everything worse.
He's not going to just stay hereeither but – but –
"Hydra's not going to get near you again," Loki promises, almost as though reading his thoughts.
"You don't know that," Bucky blurts and then stiffens. He still doesn't know if he's supposed to be talking or what. The others didn't seem upset before but he can't stop remembering the muzzle and he's not supposed to talk unless asked and definitely not to argue.
He doesn't know if the Avengers are upset at him for going back to Hydra or not. Steve would never hurt him and he doesn't think Loki would either, but the others – He doesn't know, and something violent and unpleasant is all he knows how to expect now.
"Hydra's leadership is presently preoccupied," Loki assures, sounding smug.
Bucky doesn't know what that means but he doesn't ask.
"I know there's always a risk, but we won't take the chances we did last time," Loki adds, as they move out into a hall.
Now that they're moving, Bucky can hear the distant sound of shooting. There's a fight. Hydra people must be nearby.
What if they use the Words again?
His heart is pounding but all he can do is keep moving.
The gunshots grow closer.
Loki picks up a few weapons from Hydra agents who have already been taken down, handing them to Bucky. The agents took the weapons he normally uses since he wasn't on a mission but these will work.
There's a clang of metal as they approach a room and Bucky sees Steve going to collect his shield. There's Hydra agents all over in here.
Loki throws a dagger at one of them, before he blasts a wave of magic at them, knocking a bunch of them down. They don't get back up but there's still others in here.
Bucky stands frozen. This could go downhill easily. They could use him against the others. They could get to him again and – He should try to help or they'll have an even harder time getting out of here. It'll also confirm to Hydra that he's gone rogue again, but they must already know that, anyway.
He grabs a gun dropped by one of the Hydra agents to join the fight. It doesn't last long after that before all of them are down, but reinforcements are no doubt already on the way.
"Bucky?" Steve asks, coming over to him, expression tight with worry, but visibly relieved. "Are you alright?"
He nods uncertainly. He doesn't really have any damage to report. All the injuries they gave him have mostly healed over. Even if he can't stop thinking about the – being stuck unable to move or talk.
Steve steps closer, hugging him.
Bucky freezes, his brain taking a moment to process that he's not, in fact, being attacked. He remembers this but it's been so long since it was something he considered normal. But this is Steve, and years or no, his mind still at least vaguely recognizes his best friend as safe, and lifts his arms to hug him back.
He's forgotten what it felt like to hug Steve. Somehow. He's warm, and it's strange when he's so tall. He used to be perfectly small and snuggle-sized, but right now, Bucky is just glad he doesn't have to worry about Steve nearly dying.
"I'm sorry we took so long to come," Steve tells him.
He doesn't really know what to say to that, either. All that matters to him is that they did come even if it was a while. It could have been never. It could've been long enough that he forgot everything again and didn't even remember someone was coming.
And at least Steve is alive, and didn't get himself killed in an effort to find him.
"We better move. In case the others need rescuing," Loki says.
Others?
There's another fight elsewhere? He shouldn't be surprised, but Bucky's instantly on edge again. Maybe they aren't as close to getting out as he thought.
"Loki got access to Hydra's files," Steve explains, probably catching Bucky's confused look, "We've identified who many of the members are. He disguised himself as Pierce and –"
Bucky can't hide his violent flinch. His handler was just here, and he could be anywhere nearby, for all they know, and –
"You know him?" Loki guesses, eyeing him.
Knew is too mild of a term. Peirce has been his handler for a long time. "He's – he's my handler," Bucky blurts out, voice quiet and strangled.
Steve's expression darkens.
"Not to worry," Loki replies with a feral cheer that Bucky knows means he's very angry. "Pierce is permanently occupied with lilipads in a pond far away."
What? Bucky's not going to ask. But it's still relieving to hear that he's not coming back. Not that there aren't other Hydra people who could come after him anyway.
He stumbles to a stop when he sees the main room of the Vault. The chair.
"Bucky?" Steve's voice sounds far, far away. "What's wrong?"
"Get him out," Loki orders, green magic pooling at his hands. "I still have some business to attend to."
They keep moving until they reach outside of the building. There's a jet waiting outside, and a column of smoke is rising from some building a distance away.
Must be where the others are.
Clint's waiting on the jet, and the relief he feels on seeing him is almost insane for the short time they knew each other. "Hey, Bucky," he says, brightening. The casualness of the greeting is... weird. How long has it been since he had this?
He lands outside the building and Tony, Natasha, Sam, and Yelena come onboard.
Bucky's already reaching for a knife the moment it sinks in that she's here.
Why is she here? She wasn't as bad as the other Hydra agents, which is still confusing, (there's something different about her something he can't place,) but she's the one who took him back there.
Steve's hand touches his arm before he can make a move. "She's... with us."
"You didn't think to warn him?" Natasha asks.
"We haven't had unlimited time to speak," Loki points out.
"She was... being mind-controlled," Natasha explains, "She was part of the Red Room. Dra – they found a way to brainwash the windows somehow, but we got it out."
Bucky eyes her warily.
Does it mean it's something like the Words are for him? It would explain some of how confusing she was being, but he's afraid to trust it. He can't stop thinking about what she did. Can't stop bracing himself for it to happen again.
"It's okay if you don't wanna be around me," Yelena says, shuffling beside him. "I'm sorry for taking you back there, though. I... know not getting a say in what you do isn't fun."
To her credit, she shuffles to the far end of the ship where he won't have to stare right at her the entire ride. The space still isn't enough to tear his attention from her. Even if that wasn't true, if she did try something, she wouldn't stand a chance. That doesn't mean it's always easy to convince his mind of it.
"Ohh," Clint says up front, "You might want to take a look at this. Loki's might've got a bit angry."
Natasha slides into the co-pilot seat, and Tony leans forwards, helmet lifting. He lets out a whistle.
Bucky shifts, looking to where the others are, even if it's a hard view from the back.
It's the building he's been held in for so long.
It shudders, green misty smoke curled around the lower floors before the entire thing explodes with a boom they hear even within the jet, and the building topples inwards.
He can't help letting out a soft sigh of relief.
That feels... good.
It's good.
Clint lowers the ramp, and Loki drops inside, hands still shimmering green.
"Nice," Yelena praises.
"What?" Loki asks, "It was clearly structural damage from my brother's attack. I did nothing."
She laughs.
Steve actually cracks a smile.
Loki slides onto the row of seats beside him. "I called a meeting of all the top Hydra people while I was in disguise," he explains, turning to Bucky, "We dealt with them at once. With the ensuing chaos, they will fall without leadership. Even if they search for you, they will have no direction."
That's... relieving, but he's still afraid. They don't need much leadership to know to come after him again, do they?
Not gonna think about that right now except that he can't stop. Someone will find him. Someone's going to come after him eventually, and...
"Hey," Steve says softly, lying a hand over his. "You're safe."
Right now. It's just... very hard to trust that'll stay true.
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