Kakashi quietly unlocked the door. He had put on his uniform again for the sake of the alibi, only the tie dangled from his backpack. Throughout the entire journey home, he had been thinking about how he could make it clear to his father that he had been suspended. But he had not come to a suitable solution. He knew it would soon be noticed, after the holidays at the latest, but he just didn't know what to say. He put his backpack in the hallway next to his room door and went into the living room, where Sakumo sat at the dining table and studied the daily newspaper with his reading glasses and a coffee cup. "Hello, Dad," he murmured sheepilishly.

Sakumo looked up, the shallow smile froze immediately. "Kakashi, what happened to you?!" He took off his glasses, threw them on the newspaper and came scurrying to his son to take a closer look at his face and the dark brown blood stains on his trouser legs. "Have you been attacked? Was it one of those junkies? I've seen that some of the s in the lower levels have been vandalized, presumably they're looking for valuables that people left here. If they let off steam on the building, I can't care, but if they now attack the last residents.."

"No, Dad," Kakashi fended off before he could talk himself into a rage, scuffed to the kitchenette and filled himself a glass of water at the sink.

"Tell me what happened," Sakumo urged. "Why do you look like you got into a fight?"

Kakashi drank the glass in several gulps, put it on the counter and prepared his words. "I was out with Kina a little after school and a few guys harassed her. I intervened and got hurt." For the most part, this was not a lie, only juicy details were missing.

Sakumo sighed heavily. "Kakashi, that's very commendable of you, but maybe you should make sure that your uniform doesn't get damaged in the future. Those aren't cheap, you know?"

"Yes, I know.." He dried the glass and put it back in the cupboard.

"Do these guys at least look worse than you?" Sakumo asked after a short pause.

Kakashi turned around, looked into his father's tired eyes and nodded. "Yes. I didn't let them get away with it."

"Very good," Sakumo smiled. "That's my boy." He pointed to Kakashi's knee. "You should soak it with salt so that the stains come out again."

"I will." Kakashi breathed courage into himself, somehow tried to organize his thoughts, but before he could even come close to a formulated sentence, Sakumo sat at the table again, drank from his coffee and said, "Mister Hebikawa called earlier."

In one fell swoop, every half-hearted honesty was chased out of Kakashi's brain. "What?" he gasped. "What did he want?"

Sakumo looked at his son over the straight edges of his reading glasses. "I should tell you that he demands an apology from you and then you can forget about the matter." Another sip from the cup. "What is it about? What are you supposed to apologize for?" He narrowed his eyes a little. "And don't tell me it's nothing. Your boss wouldn't call here and demand things like that if it wasn't serious."

Kakashi sat down on the chair facing his father, stuffed his hands into his trouser pockets, and muttered, "There was a fight between us."

"What was it about?"

He also had to conceal this truth from him. He simply shrugged his shoulders. "Something stupid."

"Kakashi.." Sakumo sighed, took off his glasses again and rested his elbows on the table. "I make no secret of the fact that I don't like this man and the work you have at this radio station. But this job is well paid. And if you stick to this jockey thing, it can open doors for you in the future. You know that the entertainment industry thrives solely on nepotism, don't you? You could be the most talented person on earth – if no one knows you, you're worth as much as any mediocre school dropout. Therefore: Whatever it is that has happened, Mister Hebikawa is coming to an accommodation with you and is apparently ready to forgive you. Take advantage of that, you'll never get anything like that again."

Kakashi's eyebrows raised almost imperceptibly. Everything about this statement pinched his neck, starting with the term 'school dropout', to a seemingly superficial interest in his hoped-for future, to the fact that Sakumo was defending Orochimaru. Had his father blazed or what was wrong with him right now?

A smile stole onto Sakumo's thin lips. He seemed to notice what was going on in Kakashi. "Yes, I know what's in your mind, son. But I'm serious. As I said, I don't think much of this work, but you do enjoy it and it can serve as a springboard for you. Don't mess it up because of some trifle. You'd regret it, believe me. Drive to the station and sort it out."

Kakashi took a deep breath, closed his eyes and nodded slowly. "I'll do it, tomorrow after school."

"No," Sakumo replied and Kakashi blinked at him confused. "Right away. Otherwise you will miss today's shift." He rose, smiled at his son from above, and patted his shoulder. "Cheer up, boy. Forgiveness is difficult, but necessary." He threw his thumb over his shoulder. "There is some bake in the fridge. I left you a portion, I didn't know when you would come. I have to go now. See you tomorrow."

"Yes, Dad, see you tomorrow." Kakashi forced himself to smile, watched his father as he walked into the hallway, slipped into his jacket and street shoes and disappeared out of the door with a last wave. As soon as the lock clicked, he let his forehead slam on the table with a dull bang and moaned for a long time.

He just couldn't find the strength to be honest. This school year only had two days left on which he would have to go to class anyway, for these he could easily come up with an excuse. VoS, on the other hand, presented him with a problem. Knowing his father, Sakumo would call the station right after work and ask how it went. He wasn't really interested in what his son was doing or wanting, but when he did get into his role as a father, he did so with full zeal. Therefore, he had to at least pretend that he wanted to show good will. He would never apologize to this pedo, he rather preferred to stagnate with alms in Hulme. But he had a spontaneous idea of how he could pretend to still work at VoS and at the same time save face in front of Orochimaru.

Resolutely, Kakashi changed his clothes and left the . He was reluctant to set foot in the station's rooms again, but it was necessary to put his plan into action. He went to the first floor, shuddered slightly at the familiar smell that greeted him behind the steel door, and headed purposefully for Orochimaru's office. After a short knock and a quiet "Come in", he opened the door.

Orochimaru sat behind his desk, which was cluttered with neatly stacked files and folders. He raised his eyes, and there was not a spark of surprise or anger in his pale, sunken face. Without a word, he instructed Kakashi to sit down.

Kakashi hesitated, closed the door behind him and took a seat on the rickety wooden chair with the thin cushion on the other side of the desk.

As if this were nothing more than a prearranged conversation, Orochimaru calmly finished whatever he was doing, closed the binder, screwed in the fountain pen, and leaned back in his swivel chair. "Kakashi."

The sound of that voice alone made Kakashi feel sick. There was that swinging again, only this time it seemed more vicious than usual. "Mister Hebikawa."

Still nothing stirred in those steel features. "Why did you come here?"

"You expect an apology from me," Kakashi replied dryly. Surprisingly, it was much easier for him to pull this off than he feared. At least so far. The difficult part was probably yet to come.

"That's correct. So?"

"So, what, sir?" Kakashi's heart was pounding in his throat.

"I hear?"

"Oh, so you think I'm here to really apologize to you?" Gradually he broke out in a sweat and to hide his nervously trembling fingers, he casually hid them in his jacket pockets. "I'm sorry, sir, you're wrong. I will not apologize to you. I meant what I said to you the day before yesterday. You are a poofy pedo."

Now Orochimaru knitted his eyebrows. "Kakashi. You should be aware of what I can offer you."

When he didn't speak any further, Kakashi asked, "What is it that you can offer me?"

Unexpectedly, Orochimaru stood up. Kakashi flinched at the sudden movement and stared ahead with an accentuated indifferent expression, but still tried to keep watching Orochimaru out of the corner of his eye. "I'm offering you the opportunity," Orochimaru began in his stretched tone, sneaking around his desk out of Kakashi's field of vision, "to gain a foothold in show business. You want to be a successful music producer, don't you?" Behind him, Kakashi heard a suspicious clicking sound, which was almost drowned out by the crunch that Orochimaru's black and purple wingtips made on the worn felt carpet. He pricked up his ears, listened as Orochimaru seemed to move in his direction again, and an icy hand rested on his shoulder. "The talent is in you, Kakashi. I know that. One day you will make it big. I can help you with that. I can pave this way for you. You just have to be a little.." Long-limbed fingers pushed up to his neck and from there under his clothes. „.. open."

The cold burned Kakashi's skin. He pulled Orochimaru's hand out of his collar, jumped up from his chair, and whirled around. "What do you think you are?!" he growled and could no longer distinguish the hatred from shock. "You constantly act like the biggest pike who knows everyone and can do everything. You're just a perverted shitdick who slobbers over young men and takes advantage of them."

Orochimaru lashed out, slapped Kakashi in the face, but only a fraction of a second later grabbed Kakashi's scalp and yanked him around, so that Kakashi was now bent over backwards, struggling with his balance, clinging to his thin, smooth forearm, his eyes fixed on Orochimaru in disgust. "You little, ungrateful abortion. You don't talk to me like that, did you understand me?" He licked Kakashi's cheek and Kakashi gasped croaking. "I've always been so nice to you. And how do you thank me? You insult me, insinuate things from me. Ks ks, Kakashi.. You just had to hold out a little longer, then you would have gone far. But now?"

Kakashi's abdominal muscles tensed as an icicle glided over it.

"Now your fate depends solely on my goodness. And.." His finger slid up to Kakashi's nipple and pinched into it. Kakashi suppressed a whimper of pain and Orochimaru laughed sharply. „.. of your willingness to make sacrifices."

"Sa–.. sacrifices?" Kakashi blurted out.

"Oh yes," Orochimaru cooed. "You want to get big, don't you?" The hand slipped under his jeans and touched his penis. Kakashi flinched at the cold, but Orochimaru reacted not dissimilarly. He probably didn't expect to feel what he felt, because his shocked eyes wandered to Kakashi's crotch and his fingers on his scalp loosened a little. Kakashi took advantage of this. He tightened his grip on the forearm, pulled Orochimaru's torso into the depths and threw himself onto his chest with full physical effort. He turned his arm far back. Orochimaru cried out.

"You fucking whoreson," Kakashi growled close to the black, lank mat. "I told you that if you came close to me again, I would castrate you." He pressed his arm higher, and from below came a pained groan, which resounded like celestial bells in Kakashi's ears. He channeled all his hatred into his muscles to cause as much pain as possible to this man beneath him. "What's the matter, do you want to keep your balls?"

"F-fuck you," Orochimaru squeezed out.

Kakashi increased the power even further until a soft crack pierced the tense air and Orochimaru howled. "You'll never touch me again, get it?" A few more centimetres were enough and Orochimaru nodded wildly. "And you'll keep your dirty fingers off Yamato, or I'll cut off every single one of them. Do you understand that?"

Another nod.

"Good. And now we are entering into a business." He let go of Orochimaru, stood up and straightened his clothes.

Orochimaru moaned, rolled onto his side and held his shoulder, which was certainly aching.

In Kakashi, fear rushed through his veins, but the adrenaline strangely focused him. Outwardly, he was cool as a cucumber. He lit a cigarette and said in as neutral a tone as possible, "I demand four full months' salary from you."

"What..?" it came gasping from the floor. Orochimaru was still writhing on the carpet like a lob.

"Yes," Kakashi emphasized, dragged and patiently blew out the smoke. "You owe me one for July anyway. And then I want three more on top. If I didn't miscalculate, and believe me, I didn't miscalculate, that's 1,740 Pounds."

Orochimaru snorted contemptuously, which certainly should have sounded more impressive in his head than it actually was. "And what do I get in return? So I only lose money."

"You're losing money, right, but you're keeping your reputation," Kakashi explained matter-of-factly. "In return, I will keep my mouth shut about what you have done and wanted to do to me."

"Kse," Orochimaru said and slowly sat up. "You wouldn't dare to talk about it anyway."

The wanker was absolutely right, but Kakashi didn't have to tell him that. "I also won't mention to anyone what you did or wanted to do with Yamato." A fake smile tugged at his taut facial muscles. "The boy is a minor, but of course you are aware of that."

"You have no evidence of anything," Orochimaru hissed. "And Yamato is too stupid and naïve to understand anything."

The wanker was right about that too. Basically, Kakashi had nothing on his boss, and yet he kept his arrogant poker face and put all his eggs in one basket. "In addition, I will keep the existence of this charge to myself."

Orochimaru froze in motion. "Which charge?"

"You know," Kakashi grinned, watching Orochimaru's reactions with a glowing satisfaction in his chest. His eyes widened slightly, his narrow mouth opened a crack. "How do you know about that..?" he breathed in panic.

"A little bird told me. And you certainly don't want the singing to reach the public, do you?"

Although Orochimaru showed no approval, his silence was answer enough.

"Fine. If we had clarified everything then, I would like to have my money now. 1,740 Pounds. I prefer rather small notes."

If looks could kill, Kakashi would be carted out of the building in a black bag. With difficulty, Orochimaru pushed himself up and went to a safe that was hidden behind an inconspicuous closet door. A wheel was turned, there was a loud clacking and Orochimaru sat down at his desk with a cash box. It took a few minutes, during which Kakashi tried to regulate his breathing and heartbeat, until Orochimaru finally slammed a thick bundle on the table. "What would your father think of you if he knew you were blackmailing me?" he asked with a clear threat.

Kakashi stepped forward, demonstratively stubbed out his cigarette on the bare tabletop, counted the money and replied coolly, "And what would the world think if it knew that you were a gay child fucker?" He grinned broadly at Orochimaru, hopefully hiding the nervous twitching of the corners of his mouth. "It was a pleasure, sir."

He had already turned to the door when Orochimaru asked behind him, "Who guarantees that you will keep your mouth shut and not come back at some point and ask for more?"

With his hand on the key, he paused. "Nobody." He unlocked the door. "I guess you just have to have a little faith in me." He opened the door. "But I can guarantee you one thing: I'll keep my word." He turned around with a last, triumphant smirk. "If you do something to him, I'll fuck you up. I promise." With that, he left the office, slammed the door behind him and took a few deep breaths. His wobbly knees wanted to steer him directly outside, instead he went down the long hallway to booth 2. In it, Yamato sat at the microphone, cracking some joke. Through the glass of the door and the one on the wall, he recognized Suigetsu, one of the mixers in the house, who was laughing his head off. He would love to interrupt the show and assure Yamato that he doesn't have to worry anymore. Orochimaru was a first-class whoreson, but fuck, he was right that Yamato wasn't the brightest. It had taken even him far too long to figure out what was going on here. If he dropped such cryptic words now, he would only unsettle Yamato or he would not take him seriously at all, as he did last week. It was better if he just disappeared and left it at that.

On the way to the exit, a girl with fringed, pink-red hair in a rather unclean cut, bright red glasses and shorts that hung so low that she almost showed her lip approached him. "Hey!" she shouted at him, scratchy. "No visitors are allowed here. Who are you? What do you want here?"

They got closer and suddenly her temperament changed. "Oooh," she said in a much softer voice and with proverbial heart blisters above her skull. "Who are you~?"

Kakashi's right brow rose. "Sukea," he answered bluntly.

The pink of her cheeks deepened. "Oh shit, YOU are Sukea..? I mean, I'm quite glad you quit because that's how I got your job, but oh my God, your looks fit your voice perfectly. Can you whisper something in my ear?"

"No." Kakashi rolled his eyes slightly. She was fucking annoying.

"Karin," a voice sounded from behind. It was Orochimaru, standing at the door to booth 1, still massaging his shoulder. "Stop adoring him and sit down, you're about to start."

"I don't adore him!" this Karin snapped over her shoulder and roughly adjusted her glasses. "I-I just asked if..." The rest of her sentence was drowned in indistinct mumbling.

Orochimaru groaned. "Karin. In there. Immediately."

"Yes, sir!" she shouted energetically, but still threw Kakashi an intrusive giggle. "See ya, Sukea~"

'Hopefully not,' Kakashi replied silently. His gaze was fixed on Orochimaru and when he started moving and was close enough, he grumbled, "Well, good for her that she doesn't have a dick, otherwise she would be your next victim, huh?" Without waiting for any objections or, in the worst case, a physical reaction, he went outside and sat down in his Beetle in the parking lot, where he lit another cigarette and counted the money again, because his brain thought he had made a mistake in the tension or that a few of the notes had fluttered out of his fist.

Finally, his body processed the events of the last half hour and the bundle in his hands began to shake incessantly. As a minor, smoking, drinking, fighting – he had already done some things in the past that were not quite legal. In the Crescents, no one cared either, they had their own legal system anyway, namely none at all. But blackmailing his now finally former boss? Kakashi didn't think he'd ever do something like this. But somehow it had been pretty easy. Out of intuition, he had assumed that Orochimaru must have had a lot of dirt on his hands in his past, and he had hit the bull's eye. For whatever he had a charge up his gut, it had saved Kakashi's ass today and given him a decent sum of money with which he would make ends meet for some time, so that he could pretend to his father that he was still working at VoS. And he had also ensured Yamato's safety. This had been a profitable decision at all levels.

This morning after this apocalyptic conversation, he would not have thought it possible and the uncertainty of the future still gnawed at him, but for the moment he couldn't really complain. After all, he had maneuvered himself out of a hopeless impasse.

However, this feeling of happiness did not last long. He had just parked his Beetle in front of the Kent and was strolling towards the entrance when he saw a slender person standing right by the door in the shadow of the tall building, which swallowed up most of the scanty light of the early dusk. At first he didn't think anything of it, after all, there were often people loitering around here, but as soon as he had approached the figure to within five metres, he stopped abruptly. Her coffee-brown hair glowed slightly and no one would have needed the certificate of authenticity of her Chanel handbag to realize that she had no place in the Crescents.

He stared at Rin for a small eternity, couldn't quite believe that she was really here, maybe thought she was a hallucination. Rin had also noticed Kakashi and smiled sweetly. "Hey, Kashi!" she called, waved and came towards him via the concrete path. "Honestly, I know the stories about the Crescents, but this hole is even filthier than I had imagined. When I'm at home, I have to take a shower first." She affected a laugh. Actually, it sounded like always, but Kakashi thought it was affected. Had he never noticed that before? "How do you manage to live here and still not look like a rancid derelict? And above all.." She took the last metre, came much too close to him for his taste, and sniffed around his neck with a soft coo. „.. How do you manage to smell so good?" She breathed a kiss on his skin.

Kakashi's intestines contracted. With a mixture of disgust and aggression, he pushed Rin as far away from him as possible. "What do you fucking cunt want here?" With these words and especially the tone, he only realized how much hatred was bubbling inside him. Nevertheless, he was by no means ashamed of it. Because of him, she had deserved an agonizing death.

Rin's innocent grin died a little. "What I.. want here?" She regained her composure, rebuilt that disgusting grimace that Kakashi would love to hit in. "I wanted to visit you. I've always been interested in how you live. But man, my dearest Kashi, won't you ask me in?"

"No," Kakashi replied harshly.

Rin's expression gained even more of this sweetness. "Do you want everyone to watch us here~?"

Kakashi snorted, looked at Rin, shook his head and laughed coldly. "How stupid do you think I am? Do you seriously think you can accuse me of raping and stalking you so that I lose my scholarship and get suspended, and I'm just ignoring that because you're batting your pretty eyelashes?" He ran a hand over his face. "Holy shit, Miss Rin Nohara. I really expected more from you, especially after such a grandiosely executed plan."

Now Rin's good-girl façade crumbled a bit. "Plan? What plan?"

"Well, I don't know," Kakashi shrugged. "I don't know what's going on behind your high forehead."

Her expression suddenly changed to anger. "High forehead?! Kse, Kakashi, seriously. Are insults all you have to give me?"

"What else do you want to hear? That I hate you? That I'm fighting the urge to let your unrecognizably smashed corpse rot in the elevator shaft? Sure, you can have it all."

Rin crossed her arms in front of her chicken breast. How could he ever find her mini tits pretty.. "Are you done whining then? Can we forget all that and go back to what we've always done?"

Kakashi's mouth opened in horror. He just couldn't believe what he was hearing. "Tell me..", he started quietly, quickly getting louder. "Are you kidding me?! Do you have even the slightest idea what effects your little game had?! In case you haven't figured it out yet, RIN: I've been sus-pen-ded! Because of you, I'm not even allowed to set foot on the school grounds anymore! Because you accused me of doing things that I would never be capable of. Why?!"

With a distorted face, Rin took half a step back. "Don't think I wanted it to end like this."

"WHY?!" Kakashi roared, waking up a few dogs in the neighborhood. "WHY did you do that, eh?!"

"I had to protect myself, okay?!" Rin hissed back and her once beautiful doe eyes ignited sparks of rage. "Because of you, someone overheard us and immediately ran to Professor Titty. But honestly, I'm glad that part was heard and not something else. So I could cover us and it didn't even have to come out that we had something. If Obito finds out that I prefer your cock to his, my future with him is gone. When I was called to school this morning, I really thought, that's it now, now it's all over, I can kiss a possible marriage into the Uchiha clan goodbye and my father finds out that I'm not his virtuous little daughter. Well, but then I was treated like a pitiful SA victim and I played my part. Admittedly, I may have gotten a little TOO involved, but that's when the chairwoman of the drama club in me came out, you know? The fact that I claimed that you had stalked me just happened, I was mega into it. But I had to prevent the truth from coming to light by ALL means."

There was silence for a few minutes, even the dogs had stopped yapping again. It took Kakashi a long time to process what she said. He had certainly suspected it subliminally, but out of his damn naivety he had always suppressed any doubt about Rin. Stunned, he shook his head. "I was never worth more to you than my cock, was I? To you, I was always just a walking dildo, wasn't I?"

Rin exhaled contemptuously. "Are you alluding to your stupid declaration of love? You didn't actually mean that seriously." Her bright laugh cut through a last, desperate germ that had hoped that there might be a plausible explanation for all this. But once again, Kakashi proved to himself that he really was just fucking stupid. Theatrically, Rin wiped her eyes longitudinally. Her unsmudged mascara was sign enough that there had never been even a tiny tear. "Kakashi, you're a wreck, I need a yacht, but you could never have been. I expect a certain standard of living, a certain prestige that you just don't offer me. We would never have become more, but we can continue to meet and satisfy each other. Honestly: You fuck very well and your cock..~" Her gaze slid into his crotch. "I've seen a few in my life, but yours is the hottest of all." She licked her upper lip. "Come here with your gem."

Kakashi acted without thinking. Although it made his bile rise, he grinned scornfully, took the distance between the two of them again and took a quick look at Rin's greedy face before leaning down next to her ear, grasping her waist with his hands and murmuring in his practiced Sukea voice, "Mhhh, Rin Nohara.. Is that what you want?"

On his fingers he clearly felt how she shuddered, how her muscles softened, which is why she sank slightly in his arms, and her high-pitched panting betrayed clear lust.

Kakashi laughed darkly. "Yeah, that's exactly what you want.." He stroked her sides, slid his fingertips under the hem of her skirt, touched her glowing skin. "You want my cock, don't you?"

Rin nodded vigorously, her chin bumping against his shoulder several times. "Yes," she squeaked choppy. She swallowed audibly. "I want it so much.."

"Hmmm," Kakashi growled, had crept under her panties in the meantime and was kneading her butt lightly. "Miss Rin Nohara, you should really internalize one thing deeply." Again he laughed softly. "And I don't mean my dick. You should learn that you don't get everything you want in life." With that he pinched her cheeks roughly, elicited a startled squeal from her and held her in position, despite the fact that she obviously wanted to move away from him. It was quite possible that she could feel the deep hatred that oozed out of Kakashi like magma pressing to the surface after far too long a period of rest. "You're nothing more than an arrogant whore who likes her jam more than anything else. Who knows, if you had kept me on your leash, maybe I would have gone completely blind at some point. You may think I'm naïve and in love, and admittedly I am to a certain extent, but I'd rather cut my own dick off before I put it in you again. You don't deserve me." These words cost him all the effort, for he did not feel them. Nevertheless, he was not allowed to show any weakness in front of Rin. "You're going to stay away from me, do you understand me?" he asked calmly.

Rin writhed in his arms, trying to free herself. "Let me go, Kakashi."

Kakashi only tightened his grip, pressing her hip against his. To outsiders, this scene might have seemed like a pair of lovers who were about to make love to each other, had it not been for Kakashi's clear threat. "If you come near me just one more time, I'll hurt you. And believe me, not in a way you like. You've made me a person who has nothing left to lose, so don't think I'm not serious about this. I never want to see your filthy face ever again, Rin." He pulled his hands out of her panties. "And now fuck off from here, or I'll set my dear neighbors on you. They are particularly happy about such a chit as you."

As soon as Rin could, she fled from Kakashi. He kept looking at the worn-out façade of the building. He heard her footsteps become quieter and finally die in the cool evening. He continued to stand there for a while, letting what had happened sink in. Beneath all the anger and loathing for Rin, he sensed something else, but one that was not unknown to him: bitterness. Yes, he could have guessed it, had to, had done it minimally, that she had only used him for sex. But to have confirmed this from her own mouth was something he just couldn't deal with. His gaze wandered into the depths. What would he give to have a normal, ugly, maximally average cock that the whole world didn't seem to be keen on. Maybe he should really just cut it off.

He started moving, climbed the stairs to the third floor. Each step took more and more strain on his limbs. Every step felt insurmountable. The smell of the weighed heavily on his lungs. Without even turning on the lights, he went to his room, carelessly threw his clothes on the floor and knelt naked on his bed.

It had been a long time since he had done this, and his body cried out loudly for deliverance. The pain in his muscles, from all the mental and physical exertion of the last few hours, was nothing compared to the one in his chest. He put a discarded tea towel around his neck so that he didn't leave any welts on his skin and wrapped a specially knotted rope over it. As always, he pushed the open end through the loop at the other end and pulled it forward so that the noose around his neck gradually closed.

He took some Vaseline from the can in his bedside table with one hand, positioned himself by sitting on his heels, spread the lubricant on his shaft and embraced it. As he slowly started pumping, he built up more and more pressure on his neck. With every millimetre that the rope slipped through the loop, it tightened his throat more and more. He moaned choked, tilted his head back and stuck his tongue out slightly. The pain in his throat overshadowed that of his heart, took it into his loins. It aroused him. He masturbated faster, his cock was already twitching.

He closed the noose further and further until he could only rattle and croak. His lungs wanted to breathe properly again, but he denied them. In his brain, the little oxygen jumped around, his fingertips began to tingle and all this brought him closer and closer to his climax. Heat gathered in his crotch, his balls contracted. One last tug on the rope, a few last hand movements and he ejaculated with a choppy whimper, releasing all the pain.

His fingers loosened, the pressure around his neck became less and he took two or three deep breaths. He gently rubbed his member, stroked the sensitive glans and spread the sperm on it, which was still slightly leaking from his opening.

Gradually he lifted his eyelids and looked at the mess he had made. A shiny trail of creamy white goo stretched from the sheet to his knees up to his pillow. Kakashi scolds himself in his mind for his lack of foresight. If he had laid out a towel beforehand or jerked off into an old, single sock as usual, he wouldn't have to worry about removing his secret needs care now.

As if in an automatism, he stowed rope and tea towel in the small box under his bed, slipped into fresh underpants and pulled off the dirty bed linen. Sitting on the edge of the tub in the bathroom, he dabbed the damp stains with vinegar water and then put the sheets and pillowcase in the laundry basket. Pillow and mattress were randomly given new covers and in the kitchen Kakashi drank another glass of water before he purposefully fetched an ornate urn from a cupboard in Sakumo's bedroom, with which he made himself comfortable on his bed.

That hand, which was not buried under his head, ran tentatively over the grooves where the copper-colored rose tendrils stood out on the silver metal. He took a deep breath. "I would have liked to get you out earlier, Mum, but you shouldn't see something like that. I'm not Dad, after all." He snorted, half amused, half disparaging. He sighed. "I'll tell him, I promise. But you know him. He will be angry. And fuck, I hate it when he's angry." He smiled narrowly. "Sorry, I shouldn't curse in your presence. I don't want to disappoint him again." He closed his eyes and turned on his back. "Goood.." he groaned. "If it weren't for this cunt, everything would be so much easier. Sorry again for the swear word."

Silence ensued, in which Kakashi stared thoughtfully at the ceiling, examining the cracks in the plaster, looking for patterns in them. In his head, he went through the past day, possible prospects for the future, all of which were more unlikely than the next. He was most amused by this childish idea that he had a time machine and could change the past. He would make up for all the mistakes that had brought him into this situation in one way or another.

His head tilted to the side and his eyes traced the contours of the bulbous urn. "Mum? Am I a good son?"

The silence around him became oppressive, hammering the truth into his soul. Perhaps his mother would answer this question in the negative, assure him that he was good, but the very fact that she could not because she had been murdered because of his incompetence was clear proof to him.

"I'm so sorry, Mum. Shit, I miss you so much. I wish you were here now. But you're not."

He put his hand on the urn, grasped as much of the dead metal as possible, and took a trembling breath.

"Fuck... I am a single mistake.."