A/N: chapter bomb part one of three!

Rin wasn't unconscious for very long before a dream started. That was odd, she never really dreamed this much, or this vividly. Maybe it was part of being a hanyou? Several of her old memories resurfaced again, some altered and some false, and one in particular stood out. It was sunny and warm in the sun, but cold otherwise. It was November, she supposed, looking out into the garden from her room's window. She had just finished getting dressed for the day, with two long winter underlayers and one thick lined kimono with a pretty obi tied in the fanciest knot she knew how to make—a butterfly bow that spread its wings across her back beautifully. She smiled at the koi pond and the almost bare trees, humming softly. She heard the door slide open beside her and turned, her face lighting in joy to see Sesshomaru standing in the doorway. He, however, was frowning the moment he laid eyes on her.

"is something the matter, Sesshomaru-sama?" Rin asked in concern, turning toward him. He nodded, frowning more.

"the bow is to go in the front of your robes from now on, Rin." His tone brooked no argument, but offered no explanation either.

Rin frowned in confusion, looking down at her fine clothing and smoothing the obi where it lay flat across the entirety of her stomach, from chest to the top of her hipbones. "but I always tie it in the back- that's how I was taught. I've never seen anyone wear their obi backwards like that." She didn't count him, as the sash of rank he wore was a separate thing that wasn't actually used to tie anything on him or keep his clothing closed. It was for decoration only and he didn't often wear it at home. She couldn't blame him- it had to be at least twelve, if not fifteen, meters long, from the way it draped in loops around his hips.

She looked back to his face to see he now looked angry, and she gulped nervously. "I will fix it!" she told him quickly. "only, won't you tell me why I must do this?"

"no." he turned and left the room again. Rin frowned down at her obi again. It was too big and stiff to be tied in the front, or she wouldn't be able to do anything without it getting in the way. She took it off carefully and searched through her wardrobe briefly for a much thinner obi that would better suit her needs. She tied it much like he tied his sash, in a large, rather loose-looking bow with the long ends allowed to trail down in front. She didn't like the way it looked at all. It was all wrong.

Do you know what this means? What it signifies?

Rin turned as her door opened slightly again, smiling down at jaken, who suddenly looked horrified as he looked up at her. "Rin! What have you done?" he demanded, aghast.

"what's wrong, Jaken-sama?"

"don't you know what a front-tied sash means, you stupid girl?" Rin shook her head, looking bewildered. Jaken lowered his voice as if in shame. "for humans, that is the mark of a…er…servant woman." Rin still looked confused, so he was forced to spit. "a call-girl, Rin! A whore!" Rin immediately went beet-red in horror, her eyes as wide as they could go.

"b-b-but," she stammered to him, "Sesshomaru-sama told me to wear my obi this way, jaken. Does he know?" the little imp nodded just as Sesshomaru returned to check if she had obeyed him. "is that true, milord? You know what this shows and you have me do it anyway?"

Sesshomaru punted the troublesome toad from the room and shut the door behind him. "do you really think I care what humans think?" he asked her coldly.

"what does this mean to you, then?" she challenged, grabbing at the sash to turn it around where it belonged- she would not be seen like this by others! He caught her wrist with a soft but threatening growl.

"it means," he told her, "that you are mine, body and soul, to do with however I please. You will ask my permission for anything you need and you will obey me immediately and exactly, or you will be punished." He loomed over her threateningly, his grip on her small wrist much too tight, and she gulped, scared. "I saved your life, and now you owe me every stolen year you live. You have some making up to do for all those years you were nothing but a worthless burden to me." She looked away from him, shutting her eyes and shivering in horror. The soft, gentle voice she'd heard before was suddenly back. This didn't happen…Sesshomaru would not demand anything of us, let alone something like that…

Rin finally realized with a slight shock that the voice actually was her own, the voice of her heart, which could not be swayed by false memories. She looked back up at him as his grip loosened. He seemed satisfied at her cowering. She pulled her hand from his grip sharply and stepped out from under him. "I don't belong to you," she told him shortly. She gasped in shock to find herself pinned against the wall as he snarled, his eyes beginning to glow dangerously. This isn't real! This didn't happen to me! The voice insisted as he slapped her sharply across the face, leaving a mark that would surely bruise. But it felt so real, how could it be false?

"if an explanation is not enough for you, then I will just have to show you what happens when you disobey me…" she felt herself pulled away from the wall and lifted slightly in the air before being tossed like she weighed nothing, falling on her futon with a yelp of pain. She had no time to react before he was pinning her down again. He pulled her robe open easily and Rin realized what the sash was tied in the front for. She was very glad of the extra layers now. She writhed and filled her mouth, spitting in his face angrily and yelling out what her heart's voice told her. "this isn't real! You're not Sesshomaru!"

Suddenly, something seemed to fracture. The level of reality, of memory, was gone. It was just a dream now, and one she seemed able to control at least a little. She gently wiped his face clean again and he gently pulled her upright, fixing her robe and sash carefully before wrapping her in his arms soothingly. This was the way he really was, not that horrid monster from before. Rin sighed, laying her head against his chest. "I wish I knew…what the truth was…" she murmured softly. She felt a gentle kiss atop her head before she closed her eyes, willing herself to wake once more.

Hideoko snarled angrily, wiping the sweat from his brow. "Damn it! She still has feelings for that mononoke." He growled to himself. "I only have five more moons until this curse becomes permanent. I have to sway her before then." He remembered the day he'd first seen her, over a year ago, in company with that Youkai scum she called a lord. Hideoko had followed her all during the festival in march, though he knew the other man knew he was there and was watching out for him. She was so beautiful and he knew immediately that he had to make a wife of her, for she could bear him beautiful children. Her abilities would be wasted on the white-haired youkai who shadowed her steps, protecting her. Hideoko had tried to preserve her beauty when he'd placed the curse on her, but he had to admit he somewhat shared that Sesshomaru's attitude toward hanyou. They were ugly and worse than worthless. At least she wouldn't be staying that way, so long as he could persuade her to leave that scum behind and join to him instead. Until then, he would look forward to her human nights, so he could enjoy her beauty once more…

Rin came stumbling out of her room some time later, clutching her pounding head. The only part of her dreams she could remember was the bit at the end she'd been in control of. If her head hadn't hurt so bad she would have been smiling. It had been a very good dream. She groaned at the bright light of the fire and hideoko looked up from the next room, where the door was open between them. "are you all right, Rin?"

"fine. Just a headache. I think I slept funny." She rubbed her neck and stretched a little, the pain already fading. "so, I was wondering…what do you do around here all day? It doesn't seem like there's much."

He offered her a smile. "as for me, I usually meditate or tend my herb garden. Sometimes I fish." He paused and got to his feet. "there's a village nearby here, though, if that appeals to you more."

Rin's face lit up momentarily, but fell again as she realized she had no money to buy anything- not even shoes, which she obviously still needed. "we can buy a few needful things—it's been a while since I've gone to town anyway. Perhaps we can get some sandals for you." She perked up again and got to her feet.

"really, you are much too kind to me. It makes me suspicious," she teased, grinning as she went outside to enjoy the afternoon sunshine. He smirked as he put on his shoes and followed her out to the road, pointing the way and letting her run ahead of him. He'd been planning this outing and made sure one of the herbs she'd had in her tea was one that would erase her scent for several hours, making her impossible to track once she left the barrier he'd put up around his property. His smirk widened as he watched her skip and bounce down the road, looking carefree. He would make sure she always looked like that once she chose to stay and become his wife. She turned back to look at him, slowing down and walking as she saw she was getting too far ahead, and he allowed himself a brief daydream of her as a gorgeous human woman, round with his child, a scrap of that youkai's yellow sash tied to her own as a trophy of his defeat…he would make sure that daydream would become a reality, one way or another.

They reached the village in good time and Rin hurried to a shop she saw sold sandals of all types for travellers. "do you have any my size?" she asked the man in the shop, who smiled in a friendly way after jumping in startlement at her sudden appearance.

"well, young miss, let me measure your feet, and I'll see." He got to work and Rin looked around curiously again, seeing the market street up ahead. She wanted to go look at the wares, even if she couldn't buy anything. He found a pair of shoes in her size just as Hideoko showed up, feigning being out of breath to tease her. Rin's ears drooped. "sorry! I was too excited, I guess." He waved her apology away and paid for the sandals, helping her put them on, then watched as she scampered off once more to look at the market stalls. "what a nice young thing," the man at the counter commented to Hideoko. "is she yours, or just a friend?"

He smirked. "a friend, I suppose, for now." He winked and headed out after her.

Rin was examining a table with fine kimono cloth, admiring the patterns, when she heard several people gossiping at a nearby tea house, and turned an ear toward it curiously.

"that's right, I heard there's a white-haired Youkai, lord something-or-other, who's looking for someone a few villages over from here. He's been looking everywhere for a couple of days now, asking about some girl…"