So here is our favorite Vulcan in quite the predicament, as his hopes of fatherhood are on the verge of going up in smoke. As one might guess, he'll have to use all his charms to convince Jo to abandon her plans. A perfect situation to delve into the ideal of Vulcan romance.
Because what do we know about typical Vulcan romance? In truth, not much.
TOS teaches us that there are arranged marriages, that fiancés united by the koon-ut-so'lik can cheat on their betrothed, that once married, the female is the possession of the male, couples walk around touching two fingers, and that the male gives orders to his wife. If we take a quick look at other series and films, we just have Vorik, who, in the midst of pon farr, ignores his official Vulcan fiancée to pursue a half-Klingon who ends up beating him for his trouble (VOY Blood Fever).
Outside classic canon, Sarek's expressed regret about not showing more affection to his wife (TNG Sarek), and he admits to Spock that he married for love more than for logic (ST 2009). Finally, we have the romance between Spock and Uhura, which quickly falters due to the Vulcan's lack of compassion for his beloved's feelings (ST 2013 and 2016).
(A note on the romance between T'Pol and the human Tucker (ENT), which I personally don't find very convincing. It shows us that Vulcans can fall in love but still resign themselves to marrying someone else they don't love, only to leave them later because they still love the first one. If we believe this series, Vulcans can act like humans in the most overdone romance, but in a slightly more uptight version. However, TOS portrayed Vulcan marital relationships as different, exotic, even astonishing, giving us the impression of a truly alien culture. In my opinion, though the romance does have its merits, this oft-seen trope isn't perfectly faithful to the spirit of TOS, which is why I won't always take it into account in this fiction.)
Aside from these few scraps of information, the most interesting aspect seems to be the oddly intense gaze that some Vulcan spouses share. I'm thinking of Tuvok when he has a vision of his wife on the Enterprise (VOY Bliss) or of Sarek and Amanda when they speak alone together (TOS Journey to Babel), but of course, these remain fairly minimal clues.
It's clear that information is scarce, and we can assume that's because our favorite aliens aren't exactly grand romantic enthusiasts. Therefore, it's safe to bet that, unlike humans, romantic musings don't take up much space on the hard drive of a Vulcan brain.
So, how do these stoic extraterrestrials conceive relationships and attachment? This is the fascinating subject that this chapter aims to explore.
Jo, sitting on the edge of the secret window in the rotunda, admired the view of Vulcan. The reds and ochres gracefully blended across its surface, with touches of gold adding a shimmering quality to the whole scene. Magnificent. Alone in the vastness, it seemed just as stern and aloof as its inhabitants, and Jo thought that maybe planets did create creatures in their own image.
She suddenly heard footsteps on the walkway and turned her head to see the commander appear at the far end. He walked toward her, passing through the festive flicker of machinery.
"I called you on the intercom."
"Oh yeah? I didn't hear anything."
"There must not be a listening post in this sector," he deduced.
"Uh, isn't this an emergency window? How does the guard communicate with the bridge?"
Spock raised an eyebrow.
"This ship was built by humans," he said, as though that explained everything.
He looked at her, serious.
"Miss Stone, I must inform you that the extraction of the fetus will not proceed as planned."
"Oh? And why's that?" she asked, surprised.
"This procedure is now prohibited on Vulcan."
Jo felt immediate relief. Honestly, she had agreed because it meant a lot to him, but for her part, she preferred to be done with it.
"Cool," she said, standing up. "Sorry for you, but if you don't mind, I'm heading to the infirmary."
"Could we discuss this for a moment first?" he asked, folding his hands behind his back.
Jo crossed her arms, guessing his intentions.
"You're gonna try to convince me to keep it, aren't you? Look, sir, you're wasting your time."
"I would like you to reconsider my proposal of marriage," he said impassively.
Jo blinked, momentarily stunned, before bursting into laughter. Man, this guy was something.
"Thanks, but no. Not even in a hundred years."
"Vulcans make excellent husbands," he assured.
"Wow, in that case, marriage must change them a lot," she supposed.
"We possess many virtues. Fidelity, for example," he said, knowing this aspect was appealing to humans.
Jo stared at him, skeptical. Wow, that was a great reason to marry a stick in the mud.
"Maybe, but you know, it's not your virtues that stand out to me. It's your flaws."
"Your assessment of me is not objective."
"The issue isn't making assessments, the issue is that we just don't fit. You and I have nothing to do with each other."
"I believe you are mistaken."
"Commander, seriously, I don't love you. At all. End of discussion."
"That is inaccurate. You love me on several levels."
Jo's eyes widened.
"No joke … And what levels might those be?"
" You appreciate my honesty. Otherwise, you wouldn't have agreed to my request after I lied to you out of revenge."
"I can't stand hypocrites, and if there's one flaw you don't have, well … it's that. But in your case, it's so extreme that it almost is a flaw. So, I'm not sure it counts. Oh, and just so you know, letting you keep the egg was revenge."
Spock seemed surprised for a moment but, likely finding the remark irrational, he paid it no mind.
"You also appreciate a certain way I look at you."
Jo narrowed her eyes, wondering how he can know that, then remembered the mind meld during the mission.
"You read that in my head, didn't you?"
"Yes."
"So now you know all my fantasies about you, huh?"
He thought for a moment, as if trying to recall.
"During that mind meld, your only non-violent fantasy regarding me was to ruffle my hair."
Jo stared at him for a moment, then smiled awkwardly.
"Yeah, I never dared to do it. It's funny, isn't it?"
"That mind meld also revealed that you enjoyed being connected to me through the koon-ut-so'lik. You clearly experienced regret when it was gone. Perhaps you miss it sometimes."
"Oh yeah? You sure I'd miss it after you forced me to endure your crap?"
"No. These are assumptions."
"Assumptions, exactly. So, is that it? The things I like about you? It's thin, isn't it? For marriage, I mean."
"There is also the mating. You enjoyed mating with me. That first experience was not without missteps, but it would be difficult to deny its potential."
Jo pursed her lips. It was, indeed, hard to deny.
"And that potential was barely touched," he added.
Of course, if you letting your imagination run wild on what was left to explore…
"I also emphasize that I had the opportunity to review pornographic material" he said, visibly satisfied with himself.
"Really? And how exactly did you manage to achieve such an accomplishment?" Jo asked, impressed.
"Seizure of unregistered material brought aboard."
Jo chuckled.
"You really know how to win over the male crew members, sir."
"It was a female crew member. Being aware of methods pleasing to males would have served no purpose."
"Very clever. So, did you finally learn something?"
"Not as much as I'd hoped, but I now know how to engage in lesbian intercourse."
Jo let out a laugh.
"What a catch... Too bad you stole for so little."
"I did not commit theft," he replied, looking insulted. "Possession of this type of material is not sanctioned by Starfleet regulations."
"Well, now you're in quite the pickle," she remarked sarcastically.
"I am not in possession of the material. I reviewed it to be aware of its contents, which is in accordance with seizure procedures."
Jo couldn't help but snicker, picturing him scientifically analyzing such a display. But despite all his valiant efforts, he was still missing the most important part.
"Sir, you didn't enjoy sex," she reminded him. "At all."
"You are mistaken. Mating with you was a positive experience."
"You've got to be kidding me. You told me you're not interested in physical pleasure. And when you got a taste of it, you nearly went insane."
"I was caught off guard, particularly since I knew nothing of the actual phenomenon. Now that's no longer the case, it will be easy for me to avoid it. But I was referring to Vulcan mating. That experience proved positive."
"Well, I didn't enjoy it that much, if you must know."
"I believe it would be more accurate to say that you didn't understand it."
"Doesn't matter, it's a totally weird thing."
"Humans can be scared when faced with new experiences, but that impression lessens when the experience is repeated. I'm sure you'd appreciate it more if you experienced it again."
"I wouldn't bet on it," she said, doubtful.
"In that case, perhaps the benefits of human intercourse with me would outweigh that slight inconvenience; which only happens every seven years."
Jo grin … He was, without a doubt, an incredible lay. No human could ever compete with what he could do. Sure, that was the kind of perk that could make you forgive a lot of things. But sex wasn't everything in life.
"None of that matters. We don't get along, and that's a fact. You can't deny that. We are always arguing."
"To some extent, you enjoy our arguments. You particularly appreciate being able to hit me or throw things at me without any retaliation on my part. That's an approach you couldn't easily adopt with a male of your species. They're much more fragile and rarely tolerate being punch by their wife."
"Are you saying you don't mind being a battered husband?"
"That concept doesn't apply. You lack the strength to 'beat' me, and pain is irrelevant to Vulcans. To me, your aggression is just a way of expressing yourself. Since I specifically chose you for this trait, it is only logical that I must accept dealing with it should we ever marry."
Well, that was certainly unique. You don't often hear a suitor boasting about his skills as a punching bag… Not to mention a groom bragging about his resourcefulness in managing to watch porn.
"Sure. It might be fun to be able to kick your ass, but that's not what matters. What matters is you don't care about affection, let alone love."
"You're mistaken. Vulcan couples are very attached to each other."
"Are you telling me you could love me?"
"Yes. In a Vulcan way."
"So, if I marry you, you'll love me, just like that?"
"That's correct."
"This makes no sense."
"A large percentage of humans marry and then claim to stop loving each other. That situation seems far stranger."
"Exactly, that could happen since I'm human. You manage to convince me, I get with you, and then I get tired of it and leave. You ever think about that?"
"I doubt it'll happen, but if it does, we'll just separate."
Jo narrowed her eyes, clearly not buying it.
"It doesn't change anything. Your bogus proposal is just about keeping your kid, because despite all your fancy talk, that's the only thing you want from me."
"I'm not proposing in exchange for you keeping the child if that's what you mean. That's a transaction only a human would think of. That doesn't make sense to a Vulcan."
"I'm sorry, but that's exactly what's happening. You want to marry me because you got me pregnant, and I want an abortion. Without that, it wouldn't even cross your mind."
"That is indeed the situation that motivates my proposal, but you misunderstand my intentions."
"I'm having a hard time believing that, sir."
"You accuse me of lacking 'romantic' interest in you, but Vulcans have a different perception of that state. Our marriages are arranged, and we rarely know our partner in advance. For me, the current situation is like an engagement that would have been arranged by parents. You were chosen, not by my family but by circumstance, to be my partner. So, I am willing to marry you and form a bond with you."
"That's romantic as hell. So that means if I have an abortion, you'll still marry me, right?"
"No. In that case, the circumstances that motivate my proposal would no longer exist."
"There it is! That means you're marrying me so I keep the kid. It's the same thing."
"I have no strategy to 'obtain' anything, Miss Stone. A pregnancy makes our marriage logical. Otherwise, that logic is absent."
"Logical, huh? So, I marry you, and if I decide to abort afterward, you won't be mad, of course," she said sarcastically.
"That's correct."
"You won't be bothered?"
" No. It would not be my concern."
Jo blinked, thrown off.
"But damn it! You drove me half crazy trying to keep this kid, and now you're telling me you don't care?"
"I don't 'not care.' I've tried to make you change your mind, but the final decision is rightfully yours."
"Yeah, right," Jo said, not believing him.
"I'm following the law, and it stipulates that in this situation, I cannot oppose your decision," he insisted.
"So, if the law were different, you would force me to keep the child?"
"Yes. I would probably do whatever is in my power."
"So in any case, that makes you such an asshole."
Spock stared at her impassively.
"You're projecting human intentions onto me, which I do not have. This marriage proposal is solely based on logical deductions."
"Oh, really? Because of logic, I suddenly become your dream wife?"
"Certainly not," he said, raising an eyebrow.
Jo blinked, once again thrown off by his unpredictable mindset.
"So damn it, why do you want to marry me if someone else would be better?!"
"Because circumstances designate you as my partner," he repeated calmly.
Jo burst out laughing and massaged the bridge of her nose.
"Alright, so to summarize the main points, its logical to marry me even though you'd prefer anyone else. Is that it?"
"What I want is not the issue. I think that's what you don't understand. I want nothing because I desire nothing. I have no expectations. I do not wish for a specific outcome. The situation is what it is, and I am reacting logically to it. From that perspective, our marriage follows an obvious logic."
"And love, we don't give a shit about that," Jo concluded.
"That aspect will develop after the Koon-ut-kal-if-fee, the Vulcan marriage ceremony, as I've already mentioned."
Jo laughed, shaking her head.
"In reality, you're offering me a hell of a gamble, Commander. You assure me that you'll turn into Prince Charming the moment I'm stuck with you, but it's hard to believe. In my opinion, there's a much higher chance that you'll remain the insufferable Vulcan I know."
"I will remain myself, but I will be attached to you. That changes everything."
Jo looked at him mockingly, thinking that if this caterpillar ever turned into a butterfly, it could only be a filthy moth.
"Sir, honestly, this doesn't make any sense. If you don't love me beforehand, you won't love me more afterward."
"On the contrary, loving you without us being married is what makes no sense."
"For fuck sake! You can't command such things! Can you understand that?!"
"Humans become attached to each other under the influence of emotion and then commit based on that emotion. Unfortunately, this emotion eventually fades, and in 88% of cases, your couples break up. It's a completely ineffective process."
"And of course, Vulcans do things much better than we do."
"The process is at least more logical."
She sighed, tired of this pointless argument.
"Alright, give me proof that this astounding transformation will indeed take place, and maybe I'll consider your proposal," she said, trying to get rid of him.
He thought for a moment, then nodded.
"Very well. I suggest you meet my mother."
"Why the hell would I want to meet your mother?"
"As a human married to a Vulcan, she will be able to confirm my statements."
"Your mother is human? Are you kidding?"
"Of course not," he said, raising an exasperated eyebrow.
"So you're half-human?" she asked, eyes wide.
"Yes."
"I can't believe it... Say, a pure-blooded Vulcan must be truly unbearable."
Spock remained impassive.
"Honestly, I don't know. It's probably not my kind of place."
"No. Probably not. But afterward, you can decide with all the useful information to do so."
Jo stared at him in silence, then turned to the window to admire the stunning planet. As far as she was concerned, it was all decided. She would rather die than be stuck with this idiot, and even more with his child. But of course, Being one of the rare Earthlings to set foot on Vulcan was still crazy, as not many had done it. From an Terran perspective, it was like the pinnacle of planets. Once you had been there, you were part of a select, highly respected club, and surely, it was a guaranteed hit at the local tavern. After all, it was the Vulcans who had given Earth its entry into the Federation and who had made sure humans were considered an "evolved" race rather than a bunch of degenerate savages. And besides, it intrigued her. What kind of woman could possibly endure a Vulcan? That was quite a question.
"Alright. I'm willing to meet her."
"Very well," he said, turning around. "Come with me."
"What? Are we going right now?"
"Yes. It's evening, and at this hour my mother is alone at home. The temperature will also be more comfortable for you."
Jo hesitated for a moment, then shrugged and followed him, thinking that if his mother was as accommodating as he was in human version, she would probably welcome her with a rolling pin. But whatever happened, she would have one hell of a story to tell her friends.