There was no real need to adjust to life at 12 Grimmauld Place. To me, it was like a Gryffindor Tower that had been rotting and growing old for years – if only we were having classes according to the schedule instead of being made to clean all sorts of strange things in this old house every day. As Harry and the others said, the grown - ups were determined not to let us know what they were up to. They left early and returned late, always in a hurry, and only one of them would stay behind to look after us each time. It was quite obvious to me why the cleaning work was so inefficient. Whenever there was any noise downstairs, the boys would excitedly drop everything in their hands and try to eavesdrop. The Weasley twins gave each of us a ball of flesh - colored string, saying that this Extendable Ear had helped them overhear a lot of things before, but now it had become rather unreliable, and they were trying to figure out what had gone wrong with the device.

"We used Dungbombs to test that the kitchen door wasn't jinxed to prevent eavesdropping when it didn't work," said one of the twins (I still couldn't tell them apart) in a serious tone of academic exchange. "It shouldn't be malfunctioning. We'll look into it again tonight."

"I don't think it's malfunctioning," I said, eyeing the Extendable Ear in my hand. "I bet my dad was around whenever you couldn't overhear anything."

"Seems... it does seem so," Ron said, narrowing his eyes and trying to recall. "That's right."

"Muffliato," I briefly introduced one of my dad's inventions to them. "It can fill the ears of anyone outside the conversation with an indistinguishable buzzing sound."

"Cool," the twins said in unison. "Merlin, never thought we'd praise Snape one day!"

Most of the time, it was Mrs. Weasley and Mrs. Potter who stayed at Grimmauld Place to look after us, along with Kreacher, the peculiarly - behaved house - elf of the Black family. His presence made us check the door lock several times before going to bed every night. Otherwise, he might sneak in the middle of the night and try to restore the places we'd cleaned to their original state.

"He adores everything here. As far as he's concerned, the whole meaning of his life is to wait for a member of the Black family to cut off his head one day and hang it on the wall as a decoration," Taurus said with disgust. "Don't glare at me, Hermione. He's not normal. I think living here for too long would drive anyone crazy... Otherwise, why did my dad run away from home?"

Mrs. Potter always hoped I would eat more during meals. She kept pushing hot stews and large plates of breadcrumbs in front of me. She insisted that my poor complexion was due to not being taken good care of after being hit by the Cruciatus Curse last time, nagging that girls my age were always torturing their bodies in the name of beauty. There was no way out. I could only stuff all kinds of food into my mouth desperately to show that I had no problem with her cooking skills – she was a great cook, and I could even force myself to drink half a bowl of mushroom soup.

However, our favorite member of the Order of the Phoenix was Tonks. Although she seemed rather scatter - brained, when she was on duty, she wouldn't check our work progress. When she found us trying to get information out of her, she wouldn't drive us away immediately, and she wouldn't come upstairs at night to check if we were asleep (I think Mrs. Weasley might have tactfully reminded her not to wander around the house). Moreover, she could conjure up all kinds of hair and facial features to amuse us. She was a natural Metamorphmagus, she later explained to me with a bit of pride as I couldn't help but stare at her curiously. It was a very rare and useful talent. During Auror training, she got the highest score in the hiding and disguise part (I don't think Mr. Potter counted the points that should be deducted for her knocking things over).

Mrs. Weasley hoped we could finish cleaning the living room before Neville came. From the limited information we got through the Extendable Ear, the Order of the Phoenix wanted to transfer Neville's parents from St. Mungo's Hospital for Magical Maladies and Injuries to a safer place, but the Ministry of Magic strongly opposed it. After some intense arguments, Neville might have to attend a hearing - like or debate - like occasion, so he would come to live here in couple of days.

"It seems my mum is presiding over the hearing, but things aren't looking good," Taurus said. "The Ministry of Magic is blatantly purging the so - called 'Dumbledore's faction'. Harry's dad has been put on forced leave without any reason. Fudge is surely eager for my mum to give him some holds. But he's dreaming."

"But he can't clean them all out, right?" I tilted my head. "My mum is still around. Well, although the Department of Magical Games and Sports probably doesn't have access to much right now. And there's Tonks and Kingsley – and Percy?"

It seemed I'd mentioned the wrong name. All the Weasleys present pulled very ugly faces. Ginny let out a growl like an attacked kitten: "How could we ever count on him?"

"Percy had a falling - out with the family," Hermione quickly pulled me aside and explained how Percy had believed what the Daily Prophet said, had a huge row with Mr. Weasley and moved out. "They're really angry. Don't mention Percy in front of them – especially Mrs. Weasley. She'll burst into tears as soon as she hears the name."

The cleaning work at 12 Grimmauld Place was progressing slowly. It was like an arduous battle. The old house resisted us with all sorts of unexpected means. We found a wardrobe that would stretch out clothes and try to strangle people. Ron and Hermione almost fell victim to it.

"The Noble and Most Ancient House of Black – Always Pure." The tapestry embroidered with this line at the top was Kreacher's most precious possession. He used his skinny, hunched body to desperately stop anyone who wanted to take it down from the wall – actually, we suspected the tapestry had been under a Permanent Sticking Charm. Without Kreacher's grumbling protection, we could only stare blankly at the tapestry that covered an entire wall.

" 'Always Pure' means they'd destroy the parts they think aren't pure enough," Taurus said, pointing mockingly at a scorched - looking dot on it. "This should be my dad's place. He was removed from the family register by my grandparents after he ran away from home."

"Potter!" Hermione looked curiously at a name above. "So Harry is related to you?"

"Most pure - blood families are related to each other. After all, their numbers are limited. And to maintain the so - called purity, some families even have close relatives marry directly," Harry shrugged. "They used to compile a list of pure - blood families. Later, our family was removed from it because we liked Muggles and opposed pure - blood theory. Technically, I'm one generation older than Taurus – but we usually don't count that way. After all, his dad is my godfather."

"This was originally my mum," Tonks pointed to another scorched dot nearby. "She was also removed from the family register after she married my dad."

I followed her finger and looked aside. To the left of that dot was written Bellatrix Black, and a double - stranded golden thread connected her to Rodolphus Lestrange. To the right was written Narcissa Black, and a double - stranded golden thread linked her to Lucius Malfoy. A single - stranded vertical golden thread extended downward, with Draco Malfoy's name written there.

Perhaps the life here had been so fulfilling. During the day, we were busy cleaning and eavesdropping, and at night, we were furtively whispering and guessing what the grown - ups were up to. I didn't even realize that I hadn't thought of Draco for a while. But his name suddenly appeared in a place that seemingly had nothing to do with him at first glance. I felt that the thorn in my heart emerged again in an instant, even growing a bit more.

That night, I didn't take part in their routine discussions and speculations. After all, no matter what, the boys insisted that the grown - ups were trying to find a powerful weapon, the kind that could make You - Know - Who disappear from the world. They were even interested in what Hermione said about the "extremely dangerous nuclear weapons" that Muggles had. I made an excuse that I wasn't feeling well and went to rest in my room. But I was so wide - awake that I couldn't fall asleep. So I got out of bed carefully and wanted to go downstairs for a while.

"Hey," as soon as I reached the tapestry, I heard Tonks' voice. She now had long, smooth hair and was wearing her pajamas. "Can't sleep, Iris?"

Of course, I couldn't tell her that the 'Seventeenth Meeting of the Young Order of the Phoenix' was in full swing upstairs. So I lied to her, "I ate a bit too much for dinner. I'll stay here for a while and then go back to sleep."

"He's my cousin... in terms of blood relationship," she didn't seem to care about my clumsy excuse. She looked thoughtfully at Draco Malfoy's name along the direction of my previous gaze. "But we both pretend we don't have such relatives. It's better for both sides."

I averted my gaze uneasily, trying to pretend that I hadn't been looking at that spot just now.

"Do you want something to drink?" She winked at me. "They've got some nice stuff downstairs. I can't sleep either. Will you keep me company for a while?"

"Uh, actually I'd rather be alone..." I instinctively wanted to refuse.

"Then I'll have to send you upstairs and check if the others are asleep by the way." She smiled slyly. "You choose."

The kitchen looked even more eerie at midnight. Especially when Tonks eagerly dug out several white candles with a subtle smell from the corner and lit them. The dim, flickering halos gave the illusion that countless things were hidden in the darkness. But she didn't seem to care at all. After a series of crackling sounds, she pulled out a dirty glass bottle from a hole in the wall, with a cork stopper in the mouth. She tapped the cork with her wand, and the moment it jumped up, the room was filled with a sweet and warm aroma.

"Just a little. I have to go to the Ministry of Magic tomorrow." She conjured up two glasses. "Well, a bit more probably won't hurt – Oh, you finally look a bit like your dad at this moment."

I put down the glass somewhat sheepishly. Just now, I habitually checked the color and viscosity of the liquid against the dim light of the candle.

"It tastes great. Take a small sip and then swallow it all at once." She demonstrated for me. "It might be a bit uncomfortable at first. I guess you haven't had any other alcohol except Butterbeer –"

"I have." I said softly. "When I was little... he tricked me into thinking there were ordinary chocolates in a box, but actually they were filled with high - strength malt whisky – and then I chased him around the garden like crazy, and ended up getting drunk and sleeping for a whole afternoon... I haven't had any since then."

"Then give this a try. It's better than whisky, very sweet." She didn't ask who "he" was. She just took a sip of the pale - golden liquid in her glass and then closed her eyes contentedly, her hair turning a beautiful pink.

"I actually haven't met Draco Malfoy." I didn't drink the wine in my hand, and she didn't seem to mind. She said to me cheerfully, "My mum cut off relations with her family after she married my dad, so of course she wasn't invited to her sister's wedding. But I guess he doesn't look like the Blacks either. He probably looks more like a Malfoy, with light - blond hair?"

"Yeah." I nodded. "I actually didn't know he was related to Taurus. If I hadn't seen that family tree... They're sworn enemies at school."

"Then aren't you terribly upset?" She looked at me curiously. "The boy you like can't get along with your friend – Um, I heard it from others. They said you..."

"It's okay." I curled up in the chair, feeling the familiar numbness. "I understand. It's a very special time now."

"But I can't help thinking," I said, looking at the slightly swaying wine glass in my hand. "Why did I have to meet him in the first place? You all knew from the start that Lucius Malfoy was once a Death Eater. Then why did my dad have contact with him before? Why didn't anyone tell me from childhood that I shouldn't be friends with this person, that I should stay away from him, that we're not the same kind of people? If even one person had told me that, I think I wouldn't be feeling so bad now. My parents are doing such dangerous things, and I feel so childish. But I can't control it. If someone had told me in advance... I wouldn't have done the wrong thing... I've always been obedient... always."

"No one is blaming you for doing something wrong," Tonks said in a fluster as she put down her glass and dragged her chair closer to me. "No one is saying that. Who could say that? You're just a little girl who fell for someone at an age when it's normal to like someone. We all understand, dear. All the grown - ups here were young once."

"I actually don't know if this is love or just a habit." I stared at the wine glass in my hand. "I've always known he... treats others badly. But... actually, I've known for a long time that we have different views on many things. I just didn't want to think about it."

I didn't know why I chose to talk to Tonks about this that night. Since I got home, I'd been in a state that seemed calm but was actually a complete mess. I didn't understand why I couldn't be as open - hearted with my mother as before, nor why I didn't want to talk to Hermione about it.

But looking back now, all these questions had answers. I was naive enough to blame my parents for not interfering in my relationship with Draco in time for the pain I endured that summer. No matter how much I told myself that I should understand the grown - ups were too busy to care about a little girl's feelings, this blame doomed me to not be able to open up to my mother as unreservedly as before. At the same time, I knew that Hermione had never approved of anything related to Draco. It was more like she tolerated my relationship with Draco because she cherished me as a friend. I didn't want to hear her comfort me in a tone of "I knew it all along" and say that everything I did was right.

But that thorn in my heart was growing bit by bit. I knew that if I didn't deal with it, it would pierce through my skin one day and turn me into a monster. And then Tonks showed up. She'd never been part of my life before, and our interactions in the future probably wouldn't be that frequent either. She was a bit older than us, but not old enough to be an elder. I clung to her like a drowning person to a floating log.

"When I was little, Mum was really busy. I didn't understand why back then. But now that I think about it, the Dark Lord had just fallen, and so many excellent wizards had died in the previous few years... The young wizards who survived were probably given heavy tasks," I said in a low voice. "I didn't cry or make a fuss, nor did I pester Mum to stay home with me. I could play with the cauldrons in Dad's office all day, putting my doll in and getting it all dirty. Anyway, Dad could make it clean again in a second. Dad didn't like Mum's colleagues' gatherings. He thought they were noisy and never went. I thought they were noisy too. Those grown - ups always pinched my face... Mum naturally didn't go to Dad's alumni circles either, and she didn't want me to go either. The first time I went to Malfoy Manor was because Mum got a sudden overtime notice. Aurors don't catch Dark wizards in the office, right? But they couldn't leave me alone at home. I was so little, so Dad took me to Malfoy Manor."

"Well, you've known each other really early," Tonks said. "Was he not so... um, how should I put it, like a Malfoy when he was a kid?"

"No, we had an argument the first time we met. He insulted me arrogantly and threatened to teach me a lesson," I shook my head. "Then I gave him a beating. He wasn't as tall as me at that time, and his face was so pale. It was too easy to knock him down. Then he made an excuse to treat my wound, but secretly tried to take revenge on me with poison. Taking revenge on the daughter of a Potions professor with poison... I gave him another beating, and then he behaved himself."

Tonks frowned. "If it were me, I'd hate such a little brat. He was so vicious as a child, trying to take revenge like that."

"But at that time, I thought... it was quite interesting," I felt a lump in my throat. "Dolls are nice, but dolls can't talk. Dad is nice, but Dad... was never the one to play games with me with a smile. Mum is nice, but she was always in a hurry, came home late, looked exhausted, and would sometimes argue with Dad about things. I thought if I was more obedient, they wouldn't have more troubles. Many people thought I was very quiet, even Professor McGonagall thought so. But now that I think about it, maybe it's just a habit I developed. Now, being around Hermione and the others, making a ruckus every day, I don't feel bad. Sometimes I even think it's quite fun. For me at that time, Draco was like an interesting Christmas present. I could play around with him, chase him around. He could talk, scream, and cry. He was much more interesting than a doll."

"You've never mentioned this first impression to him, have you?" Tonks giggled. "And he could cry!"

"The next time Dad went to Malfoy Manor, I summoned up my courage and said I wanted to go with him again. Mum and Dad both looked really surprised because I hardly ever asked to go out with them on my own initiative. Mum has always respected my choices. Dad... actually, I've never really understood what he was thinking, but he didn't say anything and took me there. After that, basically, whenever he went to Malfoy Manor, he'd take me along."

"I get it," Tonks clapped her hands. "No kid doesn't want to play with their peers. When I was a kid, I often secretly climbed out of the window to play with the Muggle kids next door. But once, I couldn't control it and they saw my hair change color. Since then, they never took me fishing again."

"Maybe," I lowered my head and took a sip of the wine. It felt like my throat had been burned, but a lazy warmth spread in my stomach. "So maybe I just... got used to having him in my life. I'm not a person who likes change. I remember at that time, he always said to me that we'd both surely be sorted into Slytherin. Although Hogwarts, which was in Dumbledore's charge, was an average place, Slytherin was great. But the Sorting Hat put me in Gryffindor. I remember it only hesitated for two seconds before making the decision. I took off the hat in a daze and looked back at him. He stared back at me, equally dazed. He even insisted that the Sorting Hat had made a mistake. How could the daughter of a Slytherin Head be in Gryffindor?"

"I told him that my mum was a Gryffindor, and he snorted at that time... Actually, I should have sensed something then, but I didn't want to think about it. Neither of us did." I looked down at my fingernails. "I knew what kind of person he was from the start. He's bossy, arrogant, bullies the weak, and is at odds with other Gryffindors. He's awful. Now he's the son of a Death Eater, but he's always been... been..."

"Been very nice?" Tonks said, kindly filling in the words when I couldn't continue.

"I think at first it was because he couldn't beat me, so he chose to endure... By the time he could overpower me, he realized that my dad would be his future Head of House, and bullying me didn't seem like a wise choice. After that... I don't know what happened. He started to be very bothered about me interacting with other boys. We quarreled more and more, but in the end, we could always make up."

"Youth, huh." Tonks reached out her wine glass to clink mine. "What on earth was I doing when I was at school? Sigh."

"Later, he said he liked me and made me believe that I liked him too." I watched the liquid in the glass sloshing from the impact. I tried hard to keep my tone calm, preferably as if I was telling someone else's story, but I obviously failed. What I said was rather jumbled. "I'm really confused, Tonks. I don't know if this is love. I mean, I like being with him because I'm used to it, and I feel at ease. He was my first real friend. I've had few friends. Although now, because of Hermione, I get along well with many people, but it's different... I can't quite put my finger on how it's different."

"Have you ever eaten the Volcano Chocolate that Honeydukes only sells in winter?" I gestured helplessly to Tonks. "They come out with an upgraded flavor every year, and it actually gets better and better. But it's only the first time you eat that chocolate that you'll be startled by the very hot juice inside. Even if it might be the worst - tasting version, when you think of Volcano Chocolate, what comes to mind is always the first time you ate it."

"That's a wonderful and fitting metaphor." Tonks said. "I understand. You don't actually have to run away from the fact that you like him, or deny it... Like I said at the beginning, no one can blame you for this. Come to think of it, maybe young people are easily attracted to those they seemingly shouldn't like around them. Just like my mum married a Muggle back then."

"So, have you ever liked someone you shouldn't?" I tilted my head towards her.

"Ha, ha ha, no. I've always been rather slow - witted, ha ha ha." She lowered her head to drink from her glass. Even in the dim light of the white candles, I could see her hair gradually turning bright red. "I don't even have someone I like."

"But regarding that Volcano Chocolate metaphor, I think there's a little flaw," she said with a gentle expression, taking the hand that wasn't holding the wine glass. "You're right, you can eat many boxes of Volcano Chocolate, but it's only the first time that makes your heart race. But Honeydukes doesn't only sell Volcano Chocolate. There are all kinds of candies. I'm sure the first time you ate an Ice Mice, you were startled too, right? Well, I was terrified. I thought my front teeth got stuck — uh, I digress. What I'm trying to say is — Iris, you're only fifteen. There are so many more 'candies' in the future, and you have such a long time ahead. There's plenty of time for you to fall in love with someone else, maybe even several people before you finally find 'the one'. That's what all those songs say — How many bars do I have to walk into, how many live - performances do I have to listen to, before I meet the girl who smells like Amortentia — uh, I'm sorry, I'm tone - deaf."

I laughed. She wrinkled her nose and slowly transformed it into a pig's nose. "Cheer up. You look so pretty when you smile! I bet there are lots of boys in school who like you. Hey! Why don't you consider Taurus? Oh, don't choke — I'm just saying it casually. I just think he's so good - looking. If you two got married, you wouldn't have to worry about who your kids would take after — God, how good - looking would your kids be?"

I felt that my nose was filled with the wet mead. Tonks fumbled around, trying to find a handkerchief to wipe my face and robe. But then she tripped over a chair that wasn't put away properly. I quickly reached out to help her, but she pulled me down to the ground. In the end, the two of us burst out laughing.

"Oh no!!" Just as we got up from the ground, we suddenly heard Harry's angry shout outside. "Tonks! Where are you?"

Tonks jumped up abruptly and pulled me behind her. Shrieks from the awakened portraits came from outside the door. Just as I took out my wand from my nightgown, the kitchen door was pushed open with a bang.

"I knew it —" Taurus, with messy hair, yawned and shouted to the outside, "I found them! She's with Tonks!"

"Harry isn't usually like this," Taurus said to Tonks after we'd cast Stunning Spells on all the portraits in a huff and covered the portrait of Taurus' grandmother with a velvet curtain. "It's just that when it comes to things related to Iris Snape, his mind doesn't work so well."

"Not working well at all," Ron said, shaking his head, which was still dazed from the screaming. "I said Iris should be with Tonks."

"You should have left us a note," Hermione said, patting my hand reproachfully. "We went back to our room — no, when we woke up and found your bed empty, we thought..."

"Go to sleep right now!" Tonks' watch rang tinklingly, and she jumped up. "Good heavens, if Mrs. Weasley comes and finds none of you asleep — I'm afraid I'll be kicked out of the Order of the Phoenix. Hurry up!"

"Sleep well," she said to me when she finally saw us upstairs. "I hope I've made you feel a bit happier. Well, I don't know if I've managed to..."

"I feel much more relaxed," I gave her a hug. "Really, after talking about it, I feel... not as heavy - hearted. Thank you."