Victoria could barely believe what she was seeing. He was here. He was actually here in the hotel room. She felt herself begin to shake as he walked into the room and the door closed behind him. Her throat tightened and she drank in his appearance. He looked better than the last time she'd seen him. His hair had grown a bit longer and his jawline seemed more pronounced. He was wearing a dark green jumper and jeans, a black jacket over it and his hands stuffed into the pockets. Daniella stepped out of the room as the pair of them just kept staring at each other.

"I'll give you guys some time," she mumbled and Victoria barely acknowledged her friend.

Alex eyed Victoria with caution, wondering just what was going through her mind. He took tentative steps towards her, each one measured and waiting for her to run away from him. He wouldn't blame her. He knew that he'd been cruel to her when she had come to visit him in the facility, but he hadn't been able to help himself. He'd been so angry with how she'd treated him that he hadn't been able to hold it in. Did he regret some of the things he'd said? Definitely. But he couldn't help but be hurt by her.

Finally, he stood in front of her, looking down at her as she watched him with wide eyes, a glaze look taking over her. She then reached up for him without thinking, arms snaking around his neck and clinging to him. He remained stoic for a second, just letting her cling onto him as he tried to figure out what to do. But then instinct took over and his own arms went around her waist, pulling her tighter against him and he held her tightly, cheek pressing against the top of her head.

And then she just started crying. She started sobbing and she didn't think that she would be able to stop herself. Alex just tried to calm her down, a hand running up and down her back in an attempt to soothe her. Victoria wasn't sure why she was crying really. Was it relief that he was safe? Was it joy at being able to see him again? Was it sorrow because she'd lost him? She didn't know, not really. She imagined it was a mixture of everything.

"It's alright," Alex spoke, but just hearing his voice seemed to make her cry even harder. Alex just smiled sadly and shook his head against the top of her head. "Vicky, it's alright. I'm not here to cause trouble or upset you."

"I'm not upset," she promised him, voice muffled against his chest. "I'm just relieved you're okay."

"Yeah, and with all thanks to you, I gather."

She moved back from him then, dropping her arms from around his neck, but he kept his around her waist. "I didn't do anything," she told him and he chuckled at that, picking his hand up and brushing her hair behind her ear, letting his fingers linger on her cheek.

"I think you did more than you know," he said to her.

"But why are you here?" Victoria wondered. "I mean, why did you decide to come now…after all this time?"

Alex nodded and Victoria guessed that it would be best if they spoke in private where she knew they wouldn't be disturbed. She motioned to her bedroom door of the suite and he followed her into the room. She'd made the bed, quilt tugged up to the pillows and her case was by the door with her bag. She went to the end of the bed and sat down, Alex sitting next to her, leaving a small gap between the two of them.

"I've moved away from New York…I'm in Chicago now and my mom knows I'm alive so in a way, things have been okay for me," Alex told her. "I've got a new identity and I'm working in some marketing company…it's comfortable…my life is comfortable and nothing like it was when I was a supe. But every time I turn the TV on, I see you. Every time I scroll on my phone, your face pops up. It's been impossible to forget you, Victoria, even though I tried. I tried so hard to forget you because of what happened…and I blamed you for so much…I blamed you for all of it…"

"Because I was to blame," Victoria told him and Alex shook his head, fingers lacing together on his lap. "I was to blame for everything. I ruined your life."

"And I thought that too," Alex said. "I thought that I gave up a career…ran away from my life…all because of you. I gave it all up for you because I loved you and you never loved me, but I don't know if that's necessarily true. The more time I've had to think, I think that you did love me…I just don't know if you were in love with me."

Victoria knew that made sense, but she didn't want it to. She wanted to be in love with Alex. She wanted to be with him more than anything, but there was something inside of her that wouldn't let her have that life because it wouldn't be fair on Alex.

"I do love you," Victoria said to him and she turned to look over his face, drinking in all of his features and remembering how she spent her mornings waking up to him. She had been happy. She had been so happy to be with him and living a life of peace away from everything. It had been all she had ever wanted. But she couldn't stop the niggling feeling in her stomach that things weren't as perfect as she wanted them to be.

"I know," Alex assured her.

"I don't want to rehash the past, Alex," she told him. "I don't want to pick at old wounds because I don't want to hurt you anymore. I want you to move on with your life and be happy. I want you to find someone who can give you everything they have…who doesn't hold back…who makes you happy…but we both know that was never me and I don't think it ever can be me."

Alex smiled sadly, knowing that she would say that to him. He didn't know if he had expected her to turn around and tell him that she was sorry and that she knew she wanted him more than anything, that he was her everything and she'd made a mistake. Maybe a part of him had wished for that when he had called Daniella and asked if he could see her.

"It's still him, isn't it?" Alex said, but there was no malicious tone to his voice.

"It's always going to be him," Victoria confessed. She knew that there was no point in lying to him because he would see straight through it. He might not know her as intimately as her husband did, but he was still able to read her better than most people. "I know that I can't be with him, but he…it's just always going to be him, Alex. No matter how much time passes, what happens, who I meet…it always comes back to him and that's why I can't move on."

"Do you want to?" Alex wondered.

"Can I answer yes and no to that?" Victoria wondered. "It's not that simple. It never is that simple with him. Besides, I've got plenty going on…and after last night…I don't know what to do."

Alex's brows knitted together and he frowned. "What happened last night?"

"It's not on the news yet?" Victoria wondered.

"If it is then I haven't seen it," he told her.

"I went to meet John last night to talk to him about some stuff, you know, co-parenting and things like that," Victoria said. "And someone had planted a bomb underneath my car. He got me out before it exploded, but I…I don't know…it's shaken me more than anything else."

Alex's eyes widened as he listened to her and he firmly shook his head, eyes widening as he looked over her, clearly looking for any sign of injuries, but he couldn't see any on her. He reached a hand out to her arm, gripping hold of it tightly in his fingertips. "What the hell do you mean someone planted a bomb in your car? Jesus Christ, Vicky…all of this…that man who tried to shoot you…I just…I should've come sooner."

She smiled sadly as she took his hand from her arm and squeezed it in her own. "What could you have done, Alex?"

"I don't know," he said. "But maybe I could've talked you out of doing this…persuaded you to move somewhere else and live a quiet life…go back to England and raise Evie in peace where you can blend in."

"I can't do that," Victoria said. "You've seen what he's doing out there. I can stand up to him. I can try to challenge him and I'm the only one I can. I can't run away. Well, I thought that I couldn't, but after last night I'm not sure if I can keep going and doing this. It's not just me I need to think about, but it's Evie and Ryan too. I need to look after them and the idea of them growing up without a mother…I don't want that for them and I don't want it for me. I don't want to die, Alex. I wish that I could say that I was braver than that and willing to die for a cause I believe in, but I'm not and I feel like a coward."

"You're not a coward," Alex promised her. "A coward wouldn't have done what you've done in the first place. Being scared of dying and losing everything you love makes you human and I wouldn't blame you if you did give this up. It would be safer. It might help me sleep better at night too."

"You and me both," Victoria told him, a sad smile on her face as he shifted closer to her, his thigh brushing hers and Victoria resisted the urge to lay her head on his shoulder and seek comfort from him. "But I don't know. I'm going home and laying low for a few weeks. I just need some time to work out what to do."

Alex understood that. He toyed with her fingers inside of his, seeing that her wedding and engagement ring had disappeared. They were tucked away safely in Homelander's apartment, waiting for her to come back to him because he was confident that she would.

"You know, he might have his faults. No, scratch that, he's the worst person known to man, but when it comes to you…he'd never let anyone hurt you…but all of these things…they're outside of even his control. He's the strongest man in the world, but he can't protect you from everything if you're not with him."

"He keeps trying to persuade me to go back to him."

"And you're not tempted?"

"The only reason why I'd go back would be to make sure Evie was safe, but no, I can't go back to him like that," Victoria said. "He's always going to be a part of my life because of Evie, but that doesn't mean that we're going to go back to being happily married."

"But you still got him to free me," Alex said.

"Yeah," Victoria confessed. "I mean, I'm pretty sure he did it just to try and win me back, but I didn't care because it meant that you were free. Not a day goes by when I don't wonder where you are and what you're doing. I just want you to be happy, Alex. I want you to be able to move on and be happy."

"I spent a lot of time grappling with reaching out to you," Alex admitted. "When I finally stopped hating you for what you'd done, I realised that I wanted to move on too. I didn't want to harbour any resentment towards you…I mean, if you can tell me how to hate you then please do, Victoria, because I don't know how to do that anymore, not really."

"Then don't," Victoria almost pleaded with him. "Don't hate me, just try to forget me."

"Yeah, I don't think that'll happen when I keep seeing your face everywhere," he told her and she chuckled at that as he picked her hand up and kissed the back of it. "But I know that I need to let you go for your sake as much as mine…so…I think I came here for some form of closure."

"Thank you," she said gratefully to him because she was grateful that he had come. He didn't have to. He had no reason to fly out and see her, but he had. "And look after yourself, okay? Although I never imagined you as a marketing guy."

He laughed at that and shook his head. "Neither did I," he admitted. "But it turns out I'm pretty good at it and no one knows who I am either…and there's someone…well…she has suspicions I think and she asked me out for drinks. She's funny…I mean, she's bossy as hell at work, but she's pretty great."

"What's her name? Have you asked her out yet?"

Alex chuckled and Victoria swore she saw a blush on his cheeks. She squeezed his hand and he nudged her shoulder. "Jenny and no, I haven't asked her yet. Figured I had to come here before I did…just to make sure…"

A sad smile formed on Victoria's face and she knew that she had to let him go. She couldn't give him hope when there was none. "Ask Jenny out," she urged him. "Don't keep her waiting."

"Yeah," Alex said, but he sounded almost defeated.

They sat in silence for a while longer, both of them not entirely sure what else there was to say. Victoria knew that she had to go soon, but a part of her didn't want to let Alex go just yet. But she had to. Finally, she turned to face him and kissed him on the cheek, her lips lingering there and his breath hitched, eyes closing and a lips parting.

"Did you want to see Evie before you left?"

Alex's chest ached at the idea, but he shook his head. "We both know that wouldn't be a good idea," he said to her and she guessed he had a point. It would just make it hard for both of them to say goodbye. Evelyn had never forgotten about Alex, but she had gotten so used to him not being in their lives that it would be cruel to give him back to her and then snatch him away again.

Victoria nodded in agreement and tucked her hair behind her ears before kissing him again on the cheek and feeling a mixture of sorrow and happiness. It wasn't the worst goodbye that she could imagine, but it was a necessary one.

…

Victoria had flown back to New York with the intention of taking time off from the campaign. The news had broken about what had happened and while there had been some sympathy, there had been those who said 'so close, yet so far'. Victoria tried not to read the online comments, knowing that it would do her no good. Instead, she had just locked herself away with Evie and Ryan, spending as much time as she could with them and not wanting to let them go.

But then she would watch the news and every day she would see ordinary people being killed by supes who claimed they were protecting America. She saw ordinary citizens being arrested and rounded up, thrown into prisons that resembled camps, all because they had different ideas or because they spoke up against supes. Victoria hated what she was seeing and whenever she watched the news, well, it made her scared. It made her scared because she didn't want Ryan and Evelyn growing up in a world like this.

She knew that there was no point appealing to her husband's better nature. He wasn't going to change his mind or go back on anything. But she still needed to talk to him about co-parenting things and sorting out a schedule for Evelyn. She'd said that she would call him, but he insisted that she came to the Tower for dinner. She'd not bothered to argue because he'd made it sound final and hung up.

And so she had gone back to Vought Tower, dressed in a flared blue skirt with a white shirt tucked into it and a beige coat open around her frame. She had her hands in her pockets, satchel swinging on her arm and hitting her hip. Looking up at the Tower as she approached, she still found it strange that any of this had happened to her. Out of everyone Homelander could've saved that night, it had to be her.

Entering the Tower, she grabbed her security clearance pass from security considering she no longer had the codes to the penthouse floor. She still had a key, but that was no use without the elevator code. She waited patiently for the car to come down from the ninety-seventh floor, knowing that people were staring at her as they walked by and then no doubt gossiping about her. She didn't care, however, she'd gotten so used to it that she tried not to let it bother her.

"Fancy seeing you here."

Victoria glanced to the side and saw Sage stood there. She tried not to groan at the sight of her, looking straight ahead at the closed doors in front of her instead.

"We still have a daughter together."

"And you're still sleeping together. Is that why he keeps turning up to meetings smelling of Chanel Number 5?" Sage wondered and then leaned closer to Victoria, sniffing loudly. "Yep, that exact same smell. Seems he just can't stay away and you just can't push him away, huh?"

"It's none of your business," Victoria muttered through gritted teeth.

"You're right, it's not," Sage said. "I just wonder what might happen if people knew that you're still warming his bed."

"He's not going to tell anyone and neither am I," Victoria said to Sage. "And if that information leaks then we'll both know where it's come from, won't we?"

Sage chuckled darkly. "You think no one is going to find out? Trust me, I won't say a word. I value keeping my head on my shoulders, but secrets have a way of rearing their ugly head. Look at everything you've tried to keep hidden…it all came out in the end…and when this comes out then this little martyr act of yours that you've got going on will be over."

Victoria knew she had a point. She knew that if anyone ever found out then Victoria would be in big trouble.

"And what? You want me to stop? How can I when I keep seeing your supe army rounding up innocent people and forcing them into camps? It's barbaric. It's disgusting."

"Yet you're still sleeping with the man in charge of it," Sage told her as the elevator finally arrived. The doors opened and a few men in suits shuffled out, looking sheepish all of a sudden as soon as they saw Sage and Victoria. Victoria took their spots in the elevator, swiping her pass and hitting the penthouse floors. Sage just stood outside of the doors and cocked her head. "Take care, Victoria."

The doors closed and the elevator shot upwards and Victoria could feel her rage boiling inside of her. Once the elevator reached the penthouse floor, she walked down the corridor towards Homelander's apartment. He was already opening the door for her, a smile on his face that soon disappeared when he saw the look of thunder on his wife's face.

"Did you send her down there to rile me up?" Victoria demanded from her husband.

He held his hands up defensively.

"I have no idea what you're talking about," he assured her of that much and she wasn't sure if she believed him until she looked into his eye and saw that he was telling the truth. Besides, he had nothing to gain from her being there in a foul mood.

"Sage," Victoria spat her name out and threw her bag onto the sofa as Homelander shut the door behind her. She shrugged out of her coat and tossed it on top of her bag. "She was by the elevators and saying how she knows we're still sleeping together. I didn't correct her and tell her that we're technically not sleeping together like she thinks we are…trust me…that's never happening again because I've seen what's going on out there…those camps you've set up."

"I thought that we were supposed to be meeting to talk about co-parenting?" Homelander asked from her, slightly annoyed that she was in this kind of mood after he'd gone to the effort of ordering food for them for dinner so that they could stay in and talk. Of course, he had other motives. He always had other motives, but getting Victoria back into his bed as proving difficult.

"Yeah, well, I'm pissed off," she said and she ran a hand through her hair. "And that's why I don't think I can do this. I don't think I can sit back and do nothing when I know what's going on out there…what you and Vought are doing."

"You can't be serious?" Homelander said, tone one of disbelief as his hands went to his hips.

"I'm not the one hurting innocent people."

"Those people are hardly innocent."

"Says who?"

"I imagine every single court of law if you ever gave them the right to a fair trial," Victoria snarled back at him. "You know what? It was a mistake coming here. It was a mistake even letting you anywhere near me again…comforting me…thinking that you were someone else and just focusing on him…the sweet man my husband is…no…you think Sage can blackmail me like that?"

"I will talk to her," Homelander promised his wife. "But don't pretend that there's nothing between us because we both know that's not true. We can keep going round in circles if you want to, but you'll get tired of that eventually."

"I might get tired of it, but only when you give this up."

Homelander's lips turned into a sinister smile then, teeth bared. "Are you blackmailing me with sex?"

Victoria shrugged. "If it gets you to give this up then I'll let you take me upstairs right now."

Homelander laughed then and stepped closer to her again, his chest nearly brushing against hers and Victoria tried not to back down then. He stared down at her, hands moving to her hips and gripping them firmly, bringing them flush against hers and she could feel the bulge in his suit. He noticed the way her pupils delated and her lips gently slipped apart, a soft breath coming from it.

"So what? You'll let me fuck you if I stop with this? A tempting offer, but we both know that you'll give in sooner rather than later."

"I wouldn't be sure of that," Victoria told him.

"You know, this really is a new level for you…whoring yourself out for the good of the country?"

"Nothing I haven't done before," she reminded him and he continued smirking at her and Victoria wanted to do nothing more than wipe that smirk from his face. "But until then, nothing is going to happen because what you're doing repulses me."

She slipped from his grip and marched back over to the sofa. She tried to grab her stuff, but Homelander was in her way instantly, stopping her from going anywhere. Victoria pushed at him and he let her, her hands against his chest as he fell back onto the sofa, a predatory look in his eye as he watched her with a narrowed glare, intrigued by what she was doing. Victoria had to admit that she wasn't sure either, but she knew that she was pushing some kind of boundary, wondering if it might work. She doubted it, but she was also so angry with him, yet it had been so long since she'd felt any semblance of pleasure.

Moving with a confidence he rarely saw from her, he watched as she moved a leg either side of his lap, straddling him, but lifting up so that she wasn't sat on top of him and he couldn't have the friction he longed for. He tried to reach for her again, wanting to tug her shirt from her skirt and rip it open, kiss along her bare skin and hear her pant for him. But she took hold of his wrists, moving them to the back of the sofa and pressing them there. His look of entertainment turned to one of confusion.

"Keep them there," Victoria demanded from him, voice firm. "If you dare move them then I swear that you'll regret it."

He was going to ask her just what type of threat that was. Just what was she going to do? He didn't get a chance to, because he saw her toss her hair behind her shoulders and begin to unbutton her shirt. Homelander watched as she moved with a confidence she often lacked. His wife was many things, but in the bedroom she was usually meek and mild whereas he was the one who took control. But this was a complete role reversal.

He watched as her shirt hung loose and he had a glimpse of the lacy white bra she wore underneath it, eyes trailing over the swell of her breasts and fingers itching to move towards her. He kept them by his sides though as Victoria moved a hand from her neck down her body, her eyes not once leaving his as she came to the waistband of her skirt. Homelander glanced down, as her hand disappeared underneath it and his eyes narrowed.

She wasn't…surely she wasn't…but then she suddenly let out a loud moan and Homelander's eyes went back to hers. He could smell the arousal in the air, his nostrils flaring and his suit becoming far too tight all of a sudden. He didn't say anything and he didn't dare move his fingers to reach for his wife. Instead, he just watched as she shifted on his lap, her moans becoming louder and a pink stain taking over her cheeks. A groan escaped his lips as he tossed his head back and tried to get his hips to meet hers, but it was impossible without using his hands to grab her and pin her against him.

"I told you to stay still," Victoria demanded, her free hand going to his chin and forcing him to look her in the eye.

"Please," he begged her and he felt like putty in her hands.

"No," she remained firm, her fingers speeding up their movements and her pants grew louder and he knew she was close from the way she moved even more erratically. She finally collapsed against his front, still moaning against him and into his ear, but he still didn't touch her. He just let her go still against him after her body stopped jerking.

She stayed where she was for a moment, feeling him shudder against her and a smirk formed on her face as she kissed the side of his neck. She knew he'd come apart without her even touching him. Kissing along his neck, she whispered hotly into his ear.

"I think I'll be able to hold out longer than you," she said and she finally climbed from his lap, her legs shaky.

"All of that to prove a point?" Homelander asked from his wife, his pants suddenly more than uncomfortable. "Please, do keep trying to prove a point if that's the type of show I get."

She fastened up the buttons of her shirt and adjusted her skirt around her waist. "You're not getting anything from me until this ends," she told him. "Your choice, John. Either way, I've made my decision," she said and she turned to look at him. "I'm not backing down. No. Fucking. Way."

…

"I'm sorry…you…that's fucked up!"

Victoria had gone back home and told Daniella to come round. She was going back out there. She was going to fight him. They'd opened a bottle of wine in Victoria's bedroom as the night had gone on and Evie and Ryan had gone to bed, the two of them laid on the floor, drinking straight from the bottle. Victoria took it from her, back leant against her bed and took a long swig before handing it back to her friend who was sat cross-legged in front of her.

"I was just so pissed off with him after what Sage had said…seeing everything in the news…but then he was there and it's been so long and I figured it was worth a try even though I knew it wouldn't work…either way…he…being close to him…I was just horny, I guess," Victoria confessed and Daniella almost spit out the mouthful of wine she had. She managed to keep it in, hand going to her mouth and wiping it.

"It's called get some toys, watch porn…don't go to your psychotic husband and get off on his lap," Daniella said and Victoria tried not to laugh. She knew she was drunk and the entire situation had been absurd. Daniella laughed along with her and handed her the bottle back.

"Do you want the truth?" Victoria asked her. "I've only ever orgasmed with him."

"Stop it."

"I'm serious," Victoria said. "Those one night stands…Eddie…it never happened…I used to think it was impossible, but he's the only guy who has ever come close and succeeded numerous times…I mean some nights…God…I hate him so much for everything he's done, but he knew how to fuck me."

"Jesus Christ, you're drunk," Daniella said and Victoria guessed that wasn't far from the truth. "And you think I don't know that? I used to have the bedroom next to yours. I heard everything…always got scared he'd use his super-strength and fuck you so hard he'd break you."

"Surprisingly, he knew how to hold back," Victoria said. "I mean, he never wanted to hurt me, not like that anyway. He's hurt me in so many other ways. I always tried to keep it down when we were in the apartment together."

"Yeah, well, you failed," Daniella said. "I used to go and sleep with Michelle in her bed some night."

Victoria smiled sadly as she thought about their friend. She swirled the bottle of wine, looking at the dregs of liquid at the bottom of the bottle. "What do you think she'd say about all of this?" Victoria wondered from Daniella. "I mean, she'd think it was all fucked up."

"She'd never have let us not talk for as long as we did. She'd have banged both of our heads together," Daniella said and Victoria laughed because that was the truth. Daniella's lips turned upwards sadly, remembering her friend fondly. "She'd have been by our sides through all of this. She wouldn't have abandoned us…she'd have fought with us."

"And that's what we need to keep doing," Victoria said determinedly. "We need to keep fighting."

"We keep fighting," Daniella agreed with her and they each took another slurp of wine before the bottle was finished. "But after tomorrow because I get the feeling you're gonna be hungover in the morning."

"You're probably right," Victoria told her.

Daniella stopped her from going to open another bottle of wine and she insisted she go to bed, helping her change into her pyjamas before covering her with the quilt. She text her fiancée and told her that she would be back in the morning. She put her phone on quiet and climbed into bed next to Victoria, spooning her friend as she slept and knowing that she couldn't leave her again.

...

A/N: Victoria is back! It's been a while, life gets in the way. Would love to know what you think as always!