Chapter 14: Processing and Planning
Lexa spent most of her morning in her room contemplating everything she had learned the previous night. Attempting to make sense of it all, while also coping with the barrage of emotions coursing through her.
It began with her analyzing every detail of Clarke's drawings, imprinting her dreams to memory, while searching for anything that might help her decipher the dreams or make sense of Titus's betrayal.
She stared at the picture of Titus shooting her the longest. Despite seeing it with her own eyes and believing wholeheartedly Clarke's dreams were real, she was still in disbelief. The man who she trusted more than anyone, who had been like a father to her was going to kill her, in his attempt to take away a second love of hers.
Emotions rolled through her like tidal waves. Anger, grief, fear, betrayal; all pushing and pulling inside her while she struggled to understand. Visions of the past flooded through her mind. She saw Costia's beautiful face, glimmering in the morning sun as they kissed goodbye for what would be the final time. Her riding off into the cool morning. How she wished for so long that she had stopped her. Just forbidden her from leaving and kept her safe in the tower.
But that wasn't who Costia was. She was a free spirit, who found joy in helping others and Lexa never had the heart to stop her from being herself, even if it kept her safe.
She saw Costia's head resting on her pillow, her eyes were closed, and she looked almost peaceful. For a moment Lexa had thought Costia had returned to her, unharmed, until she fully grasped what she had seen. Something inside of Lexa broke that day. She became colder and more ruthless, and Titus had been there to fuel that. He had taken advantage of her grief and used it to fuel his 'love is weakness' teachings.
Lexa thought over everything Titus had said and done, before, during, and after Costia's disappearance. The way he had insisted that Costia go help aid the villages. How for weeks before and after she disappeared, he had seemed more irate than usual. Then one day, not long after Costia was returned to her, and she had declared war on Azgeda, he seemed almost relaxed, or as relaxed as Titus ever got. Still, it was enough for her to notice. At the time she just thought he was happy that he finally gotten his way, but now she knew the truth.
God how could she had not seen then what he had done. It was all there, laid out for her. Had she just thought for a moment that he could betray her…
No.
Lexa violently threw Clarke's drawing to the floor with a throaty growl. She couldn't think about what if's, not when there was a potential threat lingering over her and Clarke. She had to focus on Clarke and Aden and the other nightbloods. They had to come first. Her demons could wait until they were safe.
She took a deep breath and closed her eyes for a moment, as she mentally reined in her emotions. When she opened them again, she felt calmer but still a bit discombobulated. She picked the pictures back up and began leafing through them again, this time to figure out what she should be putting her focus on and begin to formulate a plan.
After an hours of contemplating, Lexa knew she needed to focus on three things. Limiting Titus's power as much as she could without causing suspicion. She knew now that his reach was far greater than she believed. She needed time to find the proof she needed to charge him with Costia's murder, while also dismantling his network of spies. All while making sure he couldn't do more harm in the process.
The second thing was to ensure the safety of Clarke, the nightbloods, and herself. She thought about Clarke and the children first, but there was also a thirst inside her to live. She wanted to have a long and happy life with Clarke. She wanted to be able to see this beautiful and peaceful world she was trying to create. A life that she wanted Clarke and the children to enjoy alongside her.
The third thing was to strengthen ties with Skaikru. Lexa didn't know why Titus would want to start a war, only that it would be against Skaikru. If she strengthened relationships between their two peoples, it would make whatever Titus wished to gain, harder to achieve. Thankfully she had already been laying the groundwork for that. She couldn't remember what phase of the plan she was on now, but she a knew that a deviation from the original plan was due again.
After hours of sitting there she had come up with nothing even remotely resembling a plan. Frustrated, she neatly piled Clarke pictures up, before tucking them into the cabinet under one of her bookshelves. She didn't want anyone to find them accidentally while they were cleaning.
Then she went off to find Titus. She may not have a plan yet, but there was one thing she knew the man could help her with. It took her a while to find the man, who seemed to have been hiding in the sanctuary.
She stepped into the dimly lit room, her head held high and her Heda persona fully in place. Even though on the inside she felt like someone was squeezing her heart and twisting her guts. He noticed her a few seconds after she entered, a look of shock on his face. He scrambled to stand and bowed slightly. "Heda, it's been a long time since you visited the sanctuary."
Lexa had to look away from the man as the onslaught of emotions threatened to break her will power and enact the revenge she so desired. She began walking around the room, looking at the pictures on the wall. With a voice that portrayed strength Lexa replied, "Sha, because I usually find you elsewhere."
"Do you need something Heda," Titus asked unsurely.
Lexa turned to look at him briefly before turning her attention to the pod sitting at the far end of the room. "Sha, war with Azgeda is brewing Titus, and I wish to have any potential allies near." She spoke true, knowing giving him enough of the truth while withholding enough to stave off any suspicions. "I want you to find Prince Roan. I have a mission for him. One that will earn him an end to his banishment, while hopefully creating an ally against the queen."
"Sha, Heda," Titus said with a bow.
Lexa continued to look around the room, eyeing each painting carefully. She peaked into the pod where a case sat on the seat. She knew the case contained the essentials to being Flamekeeper. The case to hold the flame, the scalpel to cut into the skin of all current Hedas. But most importantly, that's where the journal of Becca Pramheda was stored for safekeeping. She wished to get her hands on the book for Raven and Clarke to go over, but knew asking for it now would likely arise suspicions.
It was then that Lexa got an idea. She needed to strip away some of the power he held, while also getting ahold of the book without tipping Titus off. There was one thing that Titus held over everyone and that has likely kept him safe in the past was his knowledge of being Flamekeeper. He was the only one with the knowledge to perform the Ascension. Lexa knew just how to fix that issue.
"Titus," she said cooly, finally looking back to the man. "It seems irresponsible to have only one person outside of Heda who can perform the Ascension, don't you think?"
She didn't wait for him to answer, although he looked like he wanted to. Lexa eyed him carefully, looking for any signs of distress or mistrust. For a few moments he didn't seem to react, then ever so suddenly Titus's lips turned downwards, and a flash of anger and fear could be seen in his eyes. Then just as quickly as it came, it was gone again.
She pressed on, "If something should happen to you before a new Flamekeeper is trained, then the flame is left without a keeper. We can have that. It is time that you begin training the next generation of Flamekeepers."
"But we haven't found a new prophet yet, Heda…"
Lexa put her hand in the air. "I won't hear of it Titus. There hasn't been a single prophet found in twenty years. It is irresponsible to have only one person with the knowledge to pass on the flame." Her voice was low but left no room for discussion. "You will recall all of your order members, and I will be instructing Clan leaders to send their brightest to put in the running for the next Flamekeeper once your fight has ended."
"Sha, Heda," Titus replied with a bow.
"I will leave you to begin preparing for my requests," Lexa said as she strolled out of the room. She paused briefly just outside the building's entrance to catch her breath and rein in her feelings. Seeing him acting as though nothing is wrong, like he wasn't the reason Costia is dead or the reason she may be dead soon as well. It had taken everything in Lexa to control the urge to take the dagger on her hip to his throat.
Knowing Titus would likely be coming out of the doors she still stood in front of, Lexa forced herself to move, slowly making her way back into the tower allowing her feet to guide the way.
She ended up in the lower levels of the tower, her feet being guided by the sounds of laughing children echoing through the halls. Quietly she crept down the final staircase, staying in the shadows. She peeked around the corner to see into the large open room, filled with desks and tables and chairs, nearly every surface and most of the floor were covered in random old-world tech and gadgets. In the center of the room was a large wooden table where Raven was sitting facing in Lexa's direction. Spread out around the table were the children, all with something in front of them that Lexa couldn't make out.
The younger children, Trip, Syler, Gema, and Blaze all had their backs to Lexa. They were laughing as they tinkered away on something Lexa couldn't see. While the older ones, Aden, Jara, and Dyna faced towards her, with Aden to Raven's right, and the other two to her left. They all seemed to be focused on something Raven was teaching them. Lexa noticed how at ease and happy they all seemed to be. How they looked every bit of their young age. She smiled to herself, this seemed to be something all of Skaikru brought out in them.
Raven looked up at her and smiled at her. Lexa smiled back as she brought her index finger to her lips, gesturing that she didn't want to disturb them. Raven just nodded slightly and went back to working on the large but thin rectangular object. A solar panel, Lexa realized, remembering the conversation she had with Raven earlier.
Lexa watched them for a while, just taking in their happiness and eagerness to learn from Raven. It pained her to think they were going to be forced to part soon, as Raven returns to Skaikru.
As she watched them Lexa realized something. What if they didn't have to depart from one another? What if there was a way for her to ensure the children's safety while she and Clarke decipher Clarke's dreams, while also strengthening ties with Skaikru further. All with the added bonus of the children getting to spend more time with Raven, even if it was for a few weeks more.
A plan began forming in her mind. She slowly slipped away from the children and made her way to find where Clarke was and hopefully, Kane. Thankfully, she found them in the dining hall, talking over stew and bread.
Clarke lit up when she entered the room, but calmly bowed her head slightly and said, "Heda."
"Wanheda," Lexa addressed formally even though she knew it wasn't needed in front of Kane.
Kane stood and offered his arm in greeting. "Commander. Good to see you."
"Same, Kane of the Sky people," Lexa replied.
Kane gestured for Lexa to sit at the head of the table, in between him and Clarke and picked up a bowl off of a small stack sitting next to a small cauldron of stew. He ladled some into the bowl, before setting it in front of the now sitting commander.
Clarke smiled at her as she handed her a spoon, then slid the plate of bread and small dish of butter towards her, encouraging her to eat. Lexa took a few bites before sitting back and jumping right in.
"I'm glad I caught you together," she began. "I have a proposal I'd like to discuss before your departure."
With both Clarke and Kane looking at her with rapt attention, she continued, "I wish to send my nightbloods to Camp Jaha…"
"Sorry," Kane interrupted looking a little afraid by doing so. "Sorry," he repeated. "It's just I spoke with Abby, and it's been decided to rename our settlement to Arkadia."
Lexa nodded her head. "I wish to send my nightbloods to Arkadia for a few weeks on a diplomatic mission."
"Wait, really," Clarke asked, shock evident in her voice and features.
"Sha, Clarke," Lexa said, amusement playing at her lips. She turned to Kane before speaking again. "The nightbloods have grown fond of Raven. She's been teaching them about your tech. They're actually downstairs repairing a solar panel with her."
She paused and briefly let her Heda persona slip slightly. Letting the man know she was impressed and pleased with this. She continued on before the man could say anything. "I think their time with Raven has been good for them, and I know she has more to teach them. Plus, I want to see how well my children are learning. They lead Polis well in my absence, under the watchful eye of Titus. I want to see how well they conduct themselves and handle situations that arise, given a little bit of freedom. Would Skaikru be willing to host the nightbloods for a few weeks?"
Kane looked at Lexa in stunned silence.
"Kane, you good?" Clarke teased lightly, causing the man to smile and apologize.
"I have to talk with Abby, but I think that can be arranged." He looked unsure. "I'm just surprised that you would be willing to trust the children in our care. Especially given our history."
Lexa nodded her understanding. "Sha. I can understand those concerns. I will speak true when I say I am slightly worried, given our history, however, your people have proven their worth…" She paused and smiled softly, "And I have seen your hearts, and I trust that my children will be safe with you."
She sat back and then added with a smirk. "Even if it is to avoid starting another war." She was making it lighthearted, but it was a threat all the same.
"Yes. I completely understand, and I appreciate the trust all the same," Kane said.
Lexa nodded. "The nightbloods are more than capable of taking care of themselves and will have guards there to intervene when necessary. While there the nightbloods will be acting in my stead and should be treated as such. Aden is the oldest of my novitiates, he will act as lead. All issues, local trades, questions, should be brought to him until his return to Polis. Should an issue arise or a possibility where one of the younger nightbloods have the chance to take command with a possible solution, allow them to. Should an issue arise that Aden and the other nightbloods feel like it is out of their expertise, then the issue can be brought to me."
"Sounds pretty straight forward," Clarke said. She was looking at Lexa with a mixture of awe and confusion. Lexa knew Clarke was eager to know what she had figured out during their morning away from one another. Lexa had a devious thought to tease Clarke with her plans.
"Sha," Lexa replied simply, though a smirk was tugging at her lips.
Clarke must have seen it because she was suddenly smirking back at her, causing Lexa to lose control of her facial features, briefly letting the smirk grow. Clarke definitely saw it because a wide smile rose up and her blue eyes began to twinkle with amusement.
"Clarke," Kane said hesitantly, drawing both women out of their moment. Clarke turned to Kane, her smile still in place and looked at him questioningly. Kane looked back and forth between the two for a moment, before his eyes fell to Clarke again. "I don't want to be the one to tell your mother about this."
Lexa watched in amusement as Clarke's mouth dropped open in shock, then very quickly she was letting out a snort followed by a full belly laugh. Lexa couldn't help but to smile widely at the beautiful sound coming from her love. She marveled at how free Clarke looked in a moment so innocent.
She turned to look at Kane to find that he too was smiling widely at Clarke's laughter. He was watching her with a twinkle of fatherly pride in his eyes. Almost like her joy brought him happiness. Lexa's smile widened further as she looked back to Clarke finding her even more beautiful than before.
She wished more people could see her like this but was grateful that Clarke allowed her the privilege. She wondered if this is how Clarke felt when Lexa allowed her to see her in moments like this. Suddenly a wave of emotions rolled through her, threatening to bring tears to her eyes.
Thankfully, Clarke had calmed enough to talk again, giving Lexa a chance to rein them in.
Clarke chuckled, "Don't worry Kane. I'm fairly sure my mother already suspects." She pointed her thumb towards Lexa. "This one wasn't subtle with her threats or over protectiveness while I was sick."
Lexa felt a blush rise up to cover her face as she struggled to let a sheepish look cross her features. Clarke laughed at her obvious struggle, which broke her resolve, causing her to relax slightly and look on at them sheepishly.
"Besides," Clarke said, drawing the attention away from her blushing girlfriend. She looked at Kane. "Only a handful of our people know about us, and they are loyal to me. They won't say a word to Mom until I've had the chance to. So, you can relax. She might be pissed at you for hiding it from her, but I think that's the better alternative."
Kane nodded slightly, then turned back to Lexa. "Is there anything else I need to know about the children?"
"Sha," Lexa said with a nod of her own. "I want the nightbloods to learn from you, and you from them, but most importantly, I want them to enjoy themselves." She smiled softly at Kane, allowing her Heda persona to fully slip away for a few moments. "I want them to have a chance to be children just as much as they will be acting as diplomats."
"I'll do my best to ensure that happens," Kane promised.
"Mochof," Lexa replied with a slight nod and a smile.
Kane responded with, "Pro."
Lexa sat back. "Talk with Abby to confirm and then report back to Clarke. If all is agreeable, then I'll send scouts ahead in a few days to prepare tents for the nightbloods and their guards. There are seven natblida and each will be accompanied by two guards. One guard will be near to the nightbloods at all times, but as I said, will only step in if their lives are in critical danger. The nightbloods will have my permission to roam the areas surrounding Arkadia freely, so long as their guards are with."
Kane nodded his understanding. "I'll contact Abby right now and let Clarke know as soon as I know for sure."
Kane left after nodding to Clarke, leaving the two alone with the rest of their stew. Clarke laughed as soon as Kane was out of earshot and lightly kicked Lexa. Lexa just smiled at her and popped a piece of buttered bread in her mouth.
"Come on, Lex. Spill. What's going on in that brain of yours?" Clarke practically whined.
Lexa smirked at her for a few moments before gesturing for her to follow her, before stoically leading Clarke back to their room. As soon as the door was closed, Lexa pulled Clarke in for a lingering kiss, which Clarke smiled into as she melted into Lexa's embrace. They broke apart but only enough to lean their foreheads together as they stared at one another in the eyes.
"Do you know how beautiful you are when you laugh?" Lexa questioned softly.
Clarke hummed as she smiled crookedly. "Probably about as beautiful as you are when you laugh," Clarke said, her voice heavy with the emotions and arousal this intimate moment was filling her with. She leaned back in for a kiss and began pulling Lexa towards the bed.
Caught up in the feel of her love's lips, Lexa allowed Clarke to pull her along until they had both flopped over the bed, Lexa scrambled up to kneel with her left leg and gently grabbed Clarke's waist and pulled upwards. All while never breaking the kiss. She settled down next to Clarke, pushing her right leg between Clarke's. Clarke broke the kiss as she moaned and laid back to look up at Lexa. Clarke's pupils had dilated so far, Lexa could barely make out the blue.
A sound outside the door pulled Lexa back to reality. She groaned lightly and rolled off Clarke to rest on the bed.
"No," Clarke whined and tried to pull Lexa back on her.
Lexa chuckled slightly, "I'm sorry, ai hodnes, we don't have time before I have to meet with the clan leaders."
"Sure we do," Clarke said. She propped herself up on her elbows and looked out the window. She laid back down and said, "We have like half an hour. That's enough time for us to have a quickie."
Lexa propped herself up on her elbows and looked down at Clarke with a raised eyebrow, challenging her to deny the sheer amount of time they needed every time they made love.
Clarke blushed and then smiled. "Alright," she conceded with a chuckle, "Half an hour is definitely not enough time."
Lexa smiled as she leaned down to kiss Clarke again, before resting her forehead on Clarke's. "Tonight, my body is yours for as long as you wish," she whispered with a teasing grin.
Clarke captured her lips again, and Lexa allowed herself a few moments before pulling away abruptly and leaving the bed. Clarke let a gruff sound out at the sudden movement. She propped herself up and watched as Lexa began pulling her official Heda gear out of the wardrobe.
"So do we have enough time for you to explain why the nightbloods are going Arkadia for a few weeks?"
"Sha, Clarke," Lexa replied and began dressing for the meeting. "I spent much of the morning studying your pictures. After hours, I decided to focus on three things while we waited for more information. Limiting Titus's power and collecting evidence on him. To do this I instructed Titus to find Roan. I'm going to offer him a trade, my lifting his banishment, for him finding evidence on Titus. I've also ordered him to begin preparing to train a new Flamekeeper. With the knowledge passed on I can execute him the second Roan finds something."
"The second is keeping you and the nightbloods safe and the third is strengthening ties with Skaikru. Both these are why I am sending them to Arkadia. Whatever happens to them, happens here in the tower. If they are in Arkadia, they are not here. As for the strengthening the bonds between our two peoples, what better way than through the children who may be the next Heda."
"I love the way your mind works," Clarke gushed.
Lexa leaned down and kissed Clarke. When she went to pull away, Clarke held her by the strap of her shawl and looked at her with worried eyes. "You're not telling me everything."
"No, I'm not," Lexa admitted lightly.
"Because we don't have time?"
"Sha."
"But you will tell me?"
Lexa smiled lightly. "Sha Clarke." She leaned down to kiss her again, before pulling away, this time Clarke allowed her to leave.
~ Clexa ~
When Lexa returned to their room from receiving the clans leader's renewed vows, she found Clarke curled up on their bed with Aden, a book held between them. Clarke was pointing to something in the pages and talking softly to the boy. The rest of their little group were sitting around the coffee table, all with books in hand.
Raven had escaped her wheelchair and was lying on the couch sprawled out. She had a book propped open in one hand, while she mindlessly rubbed her bad hip and leg. Lexa frowned at that, wondering how much her new friend was in pain and if she'd been downplaying how badly she felt when Lexa had asked.
Indra and Octavia were perched in the armchairs, with Indra closest to the bed and Octavia closest to the doors. Lexa nearly laughed at how differently they were sitting. While Indra sat regally in her chair, relaxed ever so slightly but still on high alert, Octavia was lying in the chair with her one leg dangling over the arm, and the other with a foot on the floor. She looked ready to pounce if needed be but still relaxed.
Lexa went over to the bed first. She leaned over to kiss Clarke who looked up at her with a smile. The kiss was chaste but left Lexa wanting more. "Did you speak with Kane?" She questioned softly.
Clarke nodded. "Alls a go."
Lexa nodded and moved to take off her uniform but leaving the gear on her head where it was. She glanced over at the group who had continued to read. "Any progress," she asked. She took a seat in Raven's empty wheelchair, which was sitting by Raven's head in between her and Octavia. From her spot she could see everyone perfectly.
"I found something," Octavia said first, sitting up to get a better look of her commander. She waved the book in her hand to indicate what she was about to say, "This is the third Flamekeepers journal. She wrote about being able to change the outcome of a dream several times. Some of them she stopped from happening, while some of the events still happened but were changed."
"And the ones she couldn't?" Lexa asked.
Octavia swallowed lightly. "Some she never tried to change because they were something good, but the others… She tried to change a lot but some she couldn't. They were just meant to be."
Lexa nodded and looked at Clarke, who was looking worriedly back at her, both their eyes shifted to Aden before back again. They held their gaze for a few moments before looking back to Octavia. "Good job, Octavia."
She then stood up and gestured for Clarke and Aden to join them on the second couch. They both scrambled over, shoving each other lightly as they raced to the couch. Lexa suppressed a smile at their playful antics.
Raven sat up so she could see the commander better, although she did so with some difficulty. Lexa was once again worried for her friend, but pushed passed the urge to fuss over her.
Once everyone had settled, Lexa began, "We learned much last night, but still not enough. Until Clarke's dreams become clearer, there is little we can do outside of reading these books. Still, I have set forth a few plans. One will be announced tomorrow at the closing clans meeting. One is strictly needed to know. The last I wish to tell you now, as it in volves all of you."
Everyone sat up a little straighter, even Raven.
"Aden," Lexa said. She smirked at him slightly. "How would you like to accompany Raven and the other nightbloods on a diplomatic mission to Arkadia?"
Lexa smiled widely at the excitement that filled his eyes, although she could see he was holding back slightly, wanting to seem strong and stoic like her.
"Really," he asked, his voice betraying his excitement.
"Sha, really," Lexa replied with a nod. "You will be there for a few weeks. While there you will be acting at my behest and will have the full power of Heda. Should any issues or conflicts arise it will be your responsibility to come up with a solution."
Aden was sitting straighter now with a look of pride and wonder. Lexa knew what this meant to the boy, and had faith that Aden would shine during his time with Skaikru.
"Should you feel a situation is above your abilities, I will be here. There is no shame in asking for help, which is why I want you to lean heavily on the people around you for advice and wisdom, as well as your fellow nightbloods. I want you to work with them to find solutions."
Aden stood up and bowed slightly. "Sha Heda, I won't let you down."
"I know you won't," Lexa replied.
"Can I go tell the others," Aden asked hopeful.
"Sure," Lexa replied with a grin. "But don't tell anyone else until after tomorrow's meeting, sha?"
"Sha Heda," the boy said, then practically ran from the room. Lexa laughed slightly before turning her attention back to the group. "Indra," she began again. "I want you as head of their guard. Take Octavia and Lincoln with you, along with two guards for each of the nightbloods."
"Sha Heda," Indra replied.
"I want all the guards, but especially you to mingle with Skaikru as you watch over them. Give them space to do as they wish, while being close enough to step in, if necessary, but only if they are in danger. It's just as important that our gona make bonds with Skaikru while the children do as well."
"Sha Heda."
Lexa turned to Raven. "I hope you will continue to teach the children. You are half the reason I wish for them to go to Arkadia. You have been good for them, and they adore you."
"Sure, Commander. I love the little runts. I'll make sure they're good while there," Raven said.
"Thank you," Lexa said, then looked to the other andrepeated the words.
~ Clexa ~
That night, after making love for hours, Lexa laid snuggled into Clarke's side, her love's right arm wrapped tightly around her. Her face was in the crook of Clarke's neck, their naked bodies pressed close, and their legs entwined. Lexa let herself relax into the post coital bliss.
As the high of their love making wore off, Lexa's mind began to wander to the long and emotional day. Images of Clarke's picture fluttered through her mind, while her mind filled in the rest.
Unlike earlier, she didn't shy away from the feelings rushing through her. In Clarke's warm and comforting embrace, she felt safe. Probably for the first time since Costia. Tears fell, a few at first, then a steady stream, then finally sobs began to break through.
She felt Clarke shift under her slightly, so Clarke was leaning more into Lexa. She pulled Lexa in close, pulled the furs up around them, and wrapped her arms tightly around her.
Lexa was unsure of how long she cried, but eventually the sobs stopped, and the tears died down. They laid there in silence for a while before Lexa began to softly whisper to Clarke. She told Clarke about her morning and the feelings she was experiencing. Clarke kept tight hold of Lexa as she spoke, softly inserting comforting words when needed.
By the time they had finally drifted off to sleep, Lexa felt a little better. She was still feeling the barrage of emotions, but she felt like as long as she had Clarke, everything was going to be alright.