Review Response
THEOWLPALADIN: That'll be the next chapter.
Gracious: You just read my mind.
Ultima-owner: It really does, sometimes.
RDDash: Cuz funni. (I don't normally respond to precious chapter reviews. But that way they worded it, made me want to do that just this once.)
Inspiration: Meet the Sandvich, Jungle Inferno
Disclaimer: The following is a Non-Profit story for entertainment only. "RWBY" is the property of director and animator Monty Oum (RIP) and production company Rooster Teeth, and Team Fortress 2 is the property of Gabe Newell, and development company Valve.
It has been half an hour since the viewing of 'Meet the Medic' and the audience talked among themselves as to what just happened. Team RWBY and JNPR were discussing how amazing Yang was at the end of the film, wondering what Weiss the Medic did to her.
Dr. Watts did a quick sketch of the Quick-Fix and the Uber heart device in his notebook, in an attempt to recreate it when he gets back to the castle. And Ironwood orders Penny to download her memories of the previous film from her memory bank into a secret file once they exit the Theater. Then send that file to her father for him to attempt reverse engineer Weiss' prototype from everything she saw.
"That was so cool sis!" Ruby said with enthusiasm. "At first I feared that you would be overwhelmed. But then Weiss did something and you turned red and glowing. You then tanked all those rockets and bullets like they were nothing."
"That is the power of the Ubercharge." Said Dr. Stirling as he sets up the next film. "Once Weiss has gathered enough charge from healing her teammate. In one flick of the switch, she'll give her partner temporary invulnerability for eight seconds."
"Truly revolutionary." Professor Port admires the Mad Doctor's work. "I could possibly take three times as many Beowolves than before in my youth with that sort of power. Maybe even solo an Alpha Megoliath."
Oobleck was unamused by his boast. "But to get said power, you need to go through open-heart surgery. Then have your heart replaced with one that can withstand high voltage without exploding. And last I checked, you're not one who enjoys visiting the doctor."
Oscar tried to hide his snicker as he's one of the few who knows about Peter's fear of doctor visits. Every Year when the students and staff have to go thru a routine check up, Prof. Port starts feeling light headed whenever the doctor recommends that he get a flu shot.
The stout gentleman bravado deflated as he went, "Nevermind."
Nora was going ham on her pancakes that the Temp Host gave her as Ren kept an eye on the syrup bottle next to her. Once she finished, she looked up at the Doctor to ask, "Now that the gang's all here. What kind of shenanigans are we getting into?"
"Oooh, I have a film just for you. But before I play it… I have one more person I want to show you before the true fun begins."
Cinder was not happy hearing that, "I thought we were done watching getting our asses kicked!" she complained, after she sipped some expensive wine. "Who else are we gonna meet?"
"Oh you'll see." The Doctor said as he played the film.
The film begins in a fridge with a couple of beers, and a pair of sandviches sitting on a plate as the fridge fan whirring in the background. The sandviches are filled with ham, lettuce, tomatoes, cheese, and an olive on a toothpick holding them together.
The Fanfare plays as the title card that reads 'Meet the Sandvich' appears on the screen. The card is plaid like a picnic blanket, with a sandvich sitting on a plate next to some spent casings and under the title.
The audience silently stared at the title in confusion till Blake broke the silence with a single. "What?"
Cutting back to the fridge. Sounds of Yang entering the room all exhausted like she just escaped from a fight can be heard just outside the door.
"Yeah, there she is." Mercury's voice calls out as the sounds of two individuals enter the room.
"You! Stop where you are! That is an order!" Cinder orders the Heavy Weapons Gal.
"What's going on? Did you get into a fight" Ruby asks, concerned for her sister.
"Sounds like I've bitten off more than I could chew." Yang guesstimate, having her fair share of brawls. "It seems I've been followed."
"And we have you cornered." The False Fall Maiden said to herself with a cocky smirk. Ignorant to what's about to come next.
Yang ignores her as she books it towards the fridge, by the sound of her footsteps.
"She's getting away! Do not let her get to the re-" The Team Castle Soldier attempted to stop her, but it was too late.
The fridge door opened to reveal a bruised and beat up Yang. She grabs one of the sandvich slices, much to Cinder and Mercury dismay.
"Don- Don't do it pal."
"Do! Not! Do It!"
Their cry for mercy falls on deaf ears as Yang closes the door and proceeds to chow down on her sandvich.
"Are you serious?" Cinder criticizes, "What's one slice of pathetic lunch is gonna do against Two of Darktarch greatest Mercenaries."
Emerald however, has got a bad feeling about this.
"Aww. Hell." said a terrorized Cinder as she realized the tables had turned.
"H-h-hey, let's calm down here." The Team Castle Scout tries to de-escalate the situation. "Y-You listening? J-J-Just. Oh Dust! Oh my Dust! Oh my Dust! Oh my Du-"
Sounds of punches from a rejuvenated Yang can be heard interrupting the enemy Scout, as she pummeled the crap out of him. His body hit the fridge, knocking the door open showing what's going on outside.
Mercury winces, not liking the sound of that. "Welp. It's all downhill from here." he said honestly, much to Cinder disliking. He also felt like this was karmic justice, but he doesn't know why.
"My Blood! S-She punched out all my Blood!" Mercury cried out as Yang laughed, now that she got her game back.
"Ouch! Ouch! Ouch! Ouch!" Cinder isn't doing much better as it sounds like Yang has got her pinned.
"Holy Hell! What was in that sandwich!" Sun exclaimed, never seen some get a powerboost from eating food outside from video games.
Nora wished her pancakes could rejuvenate her aura and staminate that quickly. But aiding her semblance would have to do.
"You called that breaking my spine." The Team Castle Soldier boasted, "You Team Fortress ladies wouldn't know how to break a spi- OW MY SPINE!" She screamed in pain as Yang successfully pulled a Bane on Cinder as her blood covered the floor.
Every member of the Inner Circle felt uneasy hearing Cinder's spine snap in two. Mercury secretly wished that his boss wouldn't plan to put him in the ring against the Blonde Brawler in the Vital Festival. As The False Maiden felt a sharp pain in her back as if someone had ripped her spine right out of her.
Mercury screamed in fear as it then cuts to the end credits showing the Sandvich recipe, now sold in stores.
It then cuts to Yang eating her Sandvich atop a rock at DustBowl, as she makes the funniest sound ever made while eating.
"Nom nom nom, om nom!"
And just like that the Film ends.
Yang laughed her ass off upon hearing that. "Is that really what I sound like while eating!" she took a deep breath, "I need to do that often."
"Yang! If you so much as make that sound, I'm gonna shove whatever you are eating so far down your gullet that you'll have a nasty stomach ache." Weiss threatened her teammate. She then looks over to the Doctor as he changes the film reels. "And is that really what you wanted us to watch?"
"No. Not at all." Dr. Stirling said plainly. "There seems to be a mixup with the film reels." He looks through every case to find the right one till. "Ah! Here it is! One moment."
The Temp Host wasted no time as he hooked it to the projector and started rolling.
The Film starts at an unknown island where a sign reading 'Weapons Facility' with a planning permit slip stuck to it that says 'YETI PARK'. Pyrrha walks in front of the sigh as 'Yeti Park' plays in the background.
The Team Fortress Soldier looks around before waving her team over and walking off screen. Ren and Penny follow her as the slip gets blown away and the camera pans to a view of a facility with a large Mann Co. sign on the wall. Blake and Jaune can be seen entering in the distance.
"Whoa! Look at the size of the place?" Jaune gasps in amazement by the large facility with an active volcano in the distance. "I wonder what exactly we are doing in a place like this?"
"The slip mentioned the place was going to be repurpose as a park." Pyrrha said, stroking her chin, "Maybe we're tasked in extracting hazardous or down right dangerous material left behind before toe workers could remodel." she theorized, having seen many first year missions revolving around escorting workers who are tasked to do just that.
"Knowing how insane our counterparts are. Most likely we're sent to clear out anyone or anything that might've moved in since its absents." Weiss chimed in, having seen similar missions as well. Only, they're meant for third and fourth year students.
"Either way, you best be careful." Ozpin warns his students. "There is no telling what lurks within."
Inside a darkened room of the facility. An air vent cover falls from the ceiling as Blake and Jaune silently drop down into the room.
Jaune the Scout turned on his flashlight. "No sign of him here…" he then activates his earpiece. "Do you guys see anything?"
Cut over to Penny, Pyrrha, and Ren. Their group isn't doing any better, as their team's Soldier kicks over a crate, spilling bananas all over the ground.
"Nothing but bananas, over." Penny the Pyro shrugs while responding back with her walkie-talkie. [1]
"I don't know. I say that's a pretty good find." Sun said having another banana.
Jaune just rolled his eyes, not satisfied with the response. "Uhh… hello?"
The pair continue walking into a dark open room with only the flashlight illuminating the way.
"Anybody in here?"
There was no response as Jaune shone his light on a damage sign that read 'Welcome, Yeti Park'.
The Heiress then realized something. "Wait. Yeti? As in the Abominable Snowman Yeti? The Mythical Grimm that few hunters ever get to see, and those who do rarely live to tell the tale. That Yeti?"
"It would seem to be the case Ms. Schnee," said Glynda, coming to the same conclusion as Weiss.
"But why name a park after them." Questioned Weiss. "they only reside deep in the mountains of Atlas. Unless…"
"Hello!? Hello?"
A loud growl can be heard as a dark figure walks past the screen. Jaune screams and jumps back into Blake who's looking around worried with her cat ears flat.
Weiss was dumbfounded, "They seriously turned a weapons facility into a park to house dangerous Grimm, with the Yeti as the main attraction!"
Salem shook her head. "Throughout history, many kings and wealthy men believed they could tame my Grimm by forcing them in cages for everyone to watch. Only for the Grimm to break out and kill everyone." she said so casually.
"Then I guess it's up to us to clean up this rich asshole's mess." Yang cracked her knuckles. "Speaking of which. Who's the idiot who funded this planning?"
"You're in for a surprise." The Doctor answered. Trying his best to not spoil who it is.
"IT'S… probably.. Nothin'! Just a… a… car backfirin'!" The terrified Scout said, trying to justify what that noise was to not spook himself. "Or… possibly!"
Jaune slips on something and falls to the floor. He groans in pain as he picks up the flashlight, shining all around to see what he slipped on. It was then revealed that he slipped on some blood that splattered all over the ground.
Ironwood groans in frustration at the fact so many innocent workers died, all because some wealthy man thought it was a good idea to cage up a Yeti of all things. If it was up to him, he'll arrest whoever is responsible for endangering the working force for some frivolous project.
"What the… Blake, you seein' this?" He asks, unaware that Blake is running with her metaphorical tail between her legs as she silently cloaks out of there. "...Blake?" He asks again, only to hear a door opening and then slam shut. "Blake…" Jaune said, now peeved that he was ditched.
Jaune was in disbelief that his friend/partner just left him like that. "Blake! What the hell! Don't leave me all alone with that thing!"
"Yeah! Vomit boy right! You didn't have to run away like a scaredy… cat…" Yang immediately realizes what she said is most likely effective. "Sorry. I didn't mean-"
"It's alright." Blake understands what her teammate meant. "And you're correct. I should've stayed or brought him with me instead of leaving him behind to defend for himself."
"Oh. So when she abandons the pathetic excuse of a huntsman, she's all apologetic. But when she deserts me, somehow I'm the reason why she left. I see how it is." Adam mumbles to himself.
A loud clattering can be heard, scaring Jaune who looks around panic. "Who's there? Is somebody there? Cause you uh…"
He shines the light on the floor showing blood and twisted metal.
"...Left all your… blood!.. Out here… and some…"
His flashlight reveals a pair of bare legs wearing work boots.
"...claw marks."
The legs slowly walk towards the Scout as he slowly moves his light upward while squinting.
"Please let there be pants; Please let there be pants; Please let there be pants; Please let there be pants…"
Everyone braced for the worse, wishing it was the Yeti instead of what's most likely a naked man. Winter and Yang were prepared to cover their younger sisters' eyes if the need arises, as Neo pulled out her scroll ready to take the picture.
He shines the flashlight up, revealing a pair of shorts belted with a golden kangaroo buckle.
The whole audience exhaled in relief, except Neo who was disappointed.
"Oh thank du-" Jaune was picked up off the ground and put into a headlock by the owner of the legs.
The dropped flashlight revealed a muscular man wearing nothing but a crocodile-tooth lined hat and a pair of shorts. It was none-other than James Ironwood, except he has a bold mustache, and a weird patch of rotating chest hair shaped like a continent. In the background, there's a cardboard cutout of himself carrying a happy child in the same pose with a speech bubble that says, 'you must be this tall to attack the Grimm'.
This time everyone was dumbfounded. Trying to make heads or tails to what they were looking at. That is until Qrow bursted out laughing at how ridiculous Ironwood looks.
"Oh my gods, Ironwood! What are you wearing? Or more accurately, what aren't you wearing?"
Ironwood didn't respond to Qrow's witty remarks as he was at a loss for words. He kept staring at his mostly naked counterpart's abs and well groomed mustache until he asked the Temp Host a question. "What is the lore about my counterpart?"
"Well…" The Doctor said simply, "You're the CEO of a massive and highly profitable company known as Mann Co. that supplies both teams in the Brother's endless war. The company makes a vast amount of products such as hats, guns, bats, bombs, bazookas, camera beards, comics, magazines, portable baccarat detectors, banners, swords, shields and get in fights. The company even does gorilla wrestling for non-employees every friday. Funnily enough, he's also the one who funded this project. But not in the way you think."
"Of f*ing course." the General said, muttering under his breast as he pinched the bridge of his nose. "Wait? What do you mean by not in the way I think?"
"You'll see," said Dr. Stirling as he continues the film. But before he could do that, Ruby raises her hand.
"Um… Dr. Stirling. Why is his chest hair shaped like that?" Ruby asks.
"Oh, that's his home Kingdom of Australia." [2]
Everyone was confused by that answer.
"Australia?" Said Oobleck. "Never heard of that kingdom before."
"I'll tell you more about it later on. Till then, here comes the best part." The Doc continues the film.
"Let me go now! Okay! Let me go." Jaune said, trying to get out of the headlock.
Ironwood covers the Scout's mouth as he shushes him. "Shhhhhhhhhh… they can smell fear… and it's close."
Over at group B, Ren the Sniper is cutting a path through the plant life with his kukri, as Pyrrha follows close behind eating a banana.
"Oh no…" said some of the members of Team RWBY and JNPR, as they realized their friends were in danger.
The Soldier hears a low growling from some nearby bushes. It cuts to the inside of the bushes which is the Yeti's POV. with a loud roar, it charges forth at Pyrrha as she screams bloody murder. The banana she was eating flew out of her hand and over the treetops along with her echoing scream and frightened birds.
Ironwood heard Pyrrha's scream and laughed as if he was waiting for it. "Hah-hah! There you are!"
he then runs into a sprint at the nearest wall, still carrying Jaune in a headlock as he bash through the wall leaving an Australia shaped hole in the wall.
"Ooo, I need to learn how to do that, but with my emblem." Yang said to herself.
The CEO of Mann Co. is now running through the jungle as leaves and sticks hit Jaune's face as he tries to break free.
"Slow Down! Ow!" The Scout words fell of deaf ears and Ironwood was on a mission.
Ironwood leaped over some branches and dodge some trees before talking to Jaune.
"Everyone said don't do it…" he throws the screaming Scout into the air whilst still running, dives through an electric fence, narrowly avoiding the humming ten thousand volt cables, rolls on the ground, continues running and then catches Jaune on the other side, cradling him in his arms.
Some of the audience clapped because of that amazing trick, with even Roman going "now that impressive."
"You can't build a theme park with the deadliest Grimm on Remnant."
Cut to Group B where their asses are getting handed to them by the Yeti, as Ren is thrown against the wall and falls unconscious. Penny gets stepped on by an ape-like foot, and Pyrrha tries to gun it down with her shotgun with no effect as an ape-like hand slams her, causing the Soldier to spit blood.
The students are now feeling tense, hoping Ironwood would save their friends in time.
Back over to Ironwood. He got Jaune back into a headlock as he leaping from log to log crossing crocodile infested waters. He then grabs a vine to swing and land, almost getting bitten by a crocodile below.
Neptune is taking deep breaths after seeing that.
"They'll escape! Nature finds a way." The muscular man smiles before continuing running. Soon he starts laughing "Hah-hah-hah… That was the whole, bloody point!"
Everyone was surprised by this new information.
"Wait! He wanted them to break out?" The Grimm Queen said in confusion. Never once in her existence did she meet someone who deliberately wanted Grimm to escape custody. "What is this man?"
"Is everyone in this dimension this insane?" Ironwood asks himself, not realizing how accurate his question is.
Ironwood leaped into the air, soaring over some giant letter that spelled out YETI PARK as Jaune screamed from beneath his arm. He made a solid landing in front of an electric fence, cracking the ground upon impact.
He slowly looked up smiling as right in front of him stood the Abominable snowman. The Yeti was massive with white fur with red lines across in arms, blackened skin, and a primate skull on its face.
The beast holds Pyrrha high up in the air before folding her. Silencing her scream with a loud crack from her spine snapping in two.
The students and staff of beacon gasp in horror watching the Invincible Girl counterpart being mutilated so easily. The Inner Circle however are getting themselves pumped up when the Yeti revealed itself.
"This is gonna be the best!" announced Tyrian, psyching himself up.
"Truly, a marvel to behold." Dr. Watts states, "It's about time for Team Fortress to meet their match."
The Beast tosses the Soldier's mutilated body towards Ironwood and Jaune as it flies overhead.
"Oh dear Dust No…" The Scout uttered, horrified. Believing he's gonna die and not respawn.
"Don't worry, son." The Thrill Seeker said thinking it would calm Jaune down, "Stick with me. You'll be fine..."
"I'm not too sure about that." The Fearless leader states, wishing he was with someone else.
The Yeti let out a big roar as it charged towards the both of them.
"Oh Dust Yeti; No Yeti; Please run Yeti; Please-" Jaune pleaded as Ironwood grabbed him by the legs and proceeded to use him as a bat.
In one big swing, Ironwood sent the Yeti flying as Jaune the Scout groaned in pain.
Yang and Nora looked at each other as they're thinking the same idea.
Glynda soon noticed "While I appreciate your ingenuity when it comes to close quarters combat. I have to ask you to refrain from using your teammates as an improvised weapon." She said shooting down their idea, causing the two to groan in disappointment.
Hazel however, plans to do that with Mercury the next time they fight together.
Elsewhere at the nearby shore. Ruby is Rancho Relaxoing by a dinghy boat the team rode in from. She has a dispenser setup playing music, and a level three sentry guarding the boat. As she enjoys a nice bottle of cold milk, unaware of what's going on.
"Seriously Ruby!" Weiss said with frustration. "Everyone is fighting for their lives, and you're just laying there without a care in the world."
The Silver-eyed girl raised her arms. "I'm my defence. If you leave me behind with nothing better to do but guard something. I'm going to spend my time entertaining myself till you get back."
Just as she was about to take a sip. She noticed something approaching her from the air.
"Is that a monkey?" she questioned, just as the Yeti landed on top of her. Crushing the engineer and destroying her buildings. [3]
Team RWBY's, JNPR's, and Penny's jaws drop, as Roman laughs his ass off.
Qrow was not pleased whatsoever. "The f-" he stopped himself when he realized there were children here, "Fudge James! I know you don't like me, but that doesn't give you the right to harm my niece."
The General cringed for being indirectly responsible for her death. "I am so… so sorry about that."
The Heiress felt guilty for Ruby. As much as she called her a dolt that never takes things seriously. She never deserved that.
The Yeti got back up, not noticing the pancaked Ruby embedded in the Yeti shaped imprint. In a single bound the Primate Grimm got back into the fight where Ironwood is waiting.
The Muscular Man ran toward the Yeti, still bradishing Jaune as a weapon as the Grimm got back up from the landing. The Yeti takes a swing at Ironwood as the CEO dodges it and brings the Scout down on the beast. Only for the primate to block it, not falling for the same trick twice.
Jaune chuckled nervously as he and Yeti were now close-up face to face. The Yeti roars, causing the Scout to scream girlishly as the primate punches Ironwood in the chest, making him slide back a few feet.
Jaune's face turns red from embarrassment from his pathetic scream as his team comforts him.
The Inner Circle is at peak hype. Cheering for the Yeti to kill Ironwood.
"Come on Yeti!"
"Yeah! Show that naked man who truly owns Remnant!"
The Grimm beats its chest then charges toward Ironwood as laughs "Ho-ho-ho yeah…"
Jaune gasped in horror. "Please don't" he begged, knowing what he's about to do next.
Ironwood throws the Scout at the still-charging Yeti as Jaune screams while spinning in the air. The thrill seeker runs toward Jaune laughing as he jumps up, uses Jaune screaming and spinning body as a platform to propel himself at the primate.
Ironwood pirouettes in the air as he winds up a powerful punch shouting, "Yeti… PUNCH!"
In one fluid motion, Ironwood's fist collided with the Yeti as the Grimm exploded into a gory mess. The primate gave out a whimper like it was a kicked puppy as it covered the area in a cloud of blood. Its head spins in the air overhead before coming back down in a loud plop.
Both Beacon and the Inner Circle stare in stunned silence, trying to process what just happened as Yang and Nora shout out "That was Awesome!"
Blood and guts rained around Ironwood as he let out a hearty laugh with both hands on his hips. After flicking a piece of small intestine off his soldier, he turns to the mercenaries who are somehow still alive.
"Welcome… To Yeti… PPAAAaaaaeeegh." The thrill seeker was interrupted by a scroll call. "James Ironwood here!.." he answers, picking up an old model scroll and begins pacing back and forth. "Yep, another one escaped… Yeah, I killed it… Nah, this time it exploded! Ah, the kids are gonna love it…"
As Ironwood was talking. Jaune and Pyrrha who are still alive are picking themselves up, or for Pyrrha's case, crawling.
"... anyway! We need more Yetis…" Ironwood's expression changes once he's given the bad news. "No more left, huh?.. Extinct you say?.."
"Wait! WHAT!" The Grimm Queen screamed, completely losing her composer. "You're telling me, he spent all his earnings to fund a project where he captured all the Yetis and other dangerous Grimm, not to keep or tame them. But for them to internally break out, so he and some children can go hunting and killing them all just for fun! All for it to go to waste as he LITERALLY punched them all into extinction before the park could even open! …I didn't think Grimm could even go extinct, but here we are!" She then proceeded to rant for the next half hour.
After Salem calmed down, everyone took their seats as well as refills on refreshments before the film continued.
"Since the Yetis are all gone, I wonder what he's gonna use as the main attraction instead." Ozpin said to himself as the Temp Host hit play.
"Klein, I'll be square with ya…" said Ironwood as the rest of the mercs gathered up with each other. "It's a Yeti. Fighting. Park. If I don't have a Yeti, it's just a fighting park. Where am I gonna find a group of lunatics, willing to come all this way… just to fight…"
He stops once he turns around to see each member of Team Fortress all gathered in one place as Blake decloaks, Ren holding his back after regaining consciousness, Ruby came joins in as she takes off her shattered goggles, and Penny walking in while holding the Yeti's arm as Jaune and Pyrrha both smile.
"...To fight each other…" Ironwood smiles, as he got an idea.
It cuts to black as Ironwood can be heard, calling out.
"Three… Two… One… Fight!"
And like that the match begins as Nora and her buddies open fire at Team Castle as the camera follows a pipe grenade bouncing across the room before blowing up Cinder. Jaune runs across a catwalk as Penny flies overhead with the thermal thrusters.
Once she landed, she set Mercury aflame before activating her jetpack once again to go flying into the clouds. In the distance, the Yeti Park sigh can be seen. Only a banner reading out 'Mercenary' covers the Yeti part.
"Welcome! To Mercenary… PARK!" Ironwood announces the parks Grand Opening
And with that the Film ends.
"I guess everything worked out then." Weiss said to herself.
"Nom nom nom, om nom!"
Weiss snaps her head towards the source of the noise, only to find Yang chowing down on a sandvich.
Author's Closing Note: I have nothing else to talk about at the moment other than Expiration Date is up next. I'm just glad that I'm keeping up to schedule again. See you next chapter.
Author's Footnote
[1] I decided to have Penny the Pyro able to talk on occasions rather than just mumbles.
[2] Australia exists in this universe. As to where it is on Remnant, I don't know.
[3] I wanted to add this scene based on this video by SilentManJoe because I thought it was hilarious. https/watch?v=jMB7giRPLyI
Cast
Ironwood as Saxton Hale
Klein as Mr. Bidwell