The 8-9 year old elves didn't stand a chance against me, especially since I was able to use magic skills with assistance from Cartman, which I used to not only attack the backsides of the groups with a sneaky backstab (which I did with the plastic blade and pierced through their defenses), but I was also able to both stun some others and mug their items they had on them, which I knew I could sell to some poor sucker.
"Drow Elves, fall back! Fall back!" they shouted as I noted that there were actually 8 of them, despite the fact that I only attacked 6 of them.
"HAHA! Look at 'em run! Nana-nana-na-na! We still control the universe! Haha haha ha-ha!" Cartman sung happily as Clyde then came from the throne room with a frown.
"It's gone," he said, me looking at him in confusion.
"what?" I asked.
"The stick, it's gone. The elves got it," Clyde frowned.. and Cartman was pissed.
"THAT WAS YOUR ONE GODDAMN JOB, CLYDE! TO GUARD THE STICK OF FUCKING TRUTH!" he shouted angrily, me then frowning at the loudness of him. "Clyde, you are hereby BANISHED FROM SPACE AND TIME!"
"Wait, what?! You can't do that!" Clyde said angrily as I looked at Cartman with worry.
"Yeah I can! You're banished and lost in time and space!" the fatass spouted as I then raised my hand.
"i feel i am also at fault, wizard king... i thought there were only 6, but 8 retreated... two of them sneaked past me," I admitted with a frown.
"You still beat up most of 'em, Clyde just let 'em walk right past him! Go home, Clyde!" Cartman shouted, me then looking at Clyde and frowning.
"sorry, clyde... i tried..." I frowned, him then simply scoffing and walking off.
"You fought bravely, Douchegirl, but now we have an issue. The elves have the Stick of Truth, and we're going to need our best fighters to get it back," Cartman said as Butters then spoke.
"But our three best fighters haven't reported for duty!" he said.
"Then we'll need someone to go find them! Douchegirl the Thief, you go out and get them. I need you to find Token, Craig, and Tweak. I'll send their pictures to your personal message board and their addresses. You may need this bow with matching arrows to get the job done." He then gave me a bow with suction cup arrows. "Don't let me down! And Butters, you go with her."
I then looked at Butters and then at my friend list, seeing that Clyde was still my friend and that he had sent me a new message.
"Thanks for trying to defend me. But I'm still pissed. I'm going to get my revenge on that fatass! Don't tell anyone that, or we're not friends anymore," he said, me sighing at that. I simply replied with one word.
"Promise." And then, immediately afterward, he deleted it, most likely not to have anyone else see it. Butters and I then left out through Cartman's house and we proceeded to go through the town with my Google Maps app leading me to the closest house to our vicinity, that being Craig's place a couple blocks west. And on the way, I managed to get Butters's parents as Facebook friends as well as getting another friend in a ginger called Dougie (Butters's squire) and a girl called Kelly, who was much easier to talk to on Facebook, which we then started to talk to each other on the way to Craig's. And once we did get there, I knocked on the door and his dad answered the door.
"You lookin' for Craig?" he asked, me nodding.
"y-yes," I said quietly.
"Well too bad, he's in detention right now," he said before then closing the door and locking it up, me looking at Butters and him looking worried as well.
"Looks like Craig's going to need some extra help. For now, we should try to get Token and Tweak," Butters said, us then going to the northern block (and we did have to take care of a bunch of elves along the way that kept trying to hurt us) and we went towards the fancy estate that Token was at and I saw that the way was blocked by a gatekeeper.
"You here for an appointment?" he asked, me looking at him and seeing that he had some pepper spray on him, so I had to be careful.
"um... we're friends of Token... may we please see him? we need his h-help," I said shyly, the guy frowning at me and then looking at my big puppy dog eyes that I gave him. And I could tell he was trying to think clearly... but nobody could resist my puppy dog eyes. It was always how I got out of being grounded... wait... I remembered something! Yes!
"I... I... oh, alright, fine! You win. You may meet him at the door, but you may not go inside of the house. Understood?" he said, me smiling at that.
"thank you, mister," I said with a smile as I then went past him and Butters then texted what happened on Facebook to our group of friends and Cartman then started to text a big laugh.
"AHAHAHAHHHAAAAHAAHAA! Oh my god, you managed to get past the gatekeeper of Token with puppy dog eyes?! That's fuckin' amazing!" Cartman texted, me smiling and then texting him back afterwards.
"My puppy dog eyes prevent me from getting grounded. Of course a security guard would become entranced by the adorableness," I texted with a smile as we finally got to the house and I then knocked on the door three times. And afterwards, a little black kid answered the door with a smile.
"Oh, hello. What can I do for you?" he asked as I simply smiled.
"h-hi... i am Douchegirl the thief... the wizard king needs his best warriors to retrieve the stick," I said, Token nodding at that.
"Okay, just give me a moment," he said before then going inside his house and me hearing a bit of rummaging around... and then he emerged while wearing some warrior gear.
"I thank thee for coming all this way to meet with me, Douchegirl the Giantess! I shall meet back up at Kupa Keep," he said as he then exited his house before then looking at me with a smile. "Oh, and by the way, I'll tell the guard that you're allowed in my house. You're kinda cute," he said, me smirking and blushing at that as I then took him on that offer and went inside of Token's house.
"So... why are we going in here?" Butters asked as I then went to one room on pure instinct, that being Token's parents' bedroom. And inside of it, I then grabbed three pairs of panties that I smiled at them being just my size! "Um... explanation? Why are you pilfering panties?" Butters asked... that was a good question... why?
"i... don't know... i just felt it was my instincts kicking in... do you know anyone that's obsessed with underwear?" I asked him, Butters then thinking before nodding.
"Yeah, the Underpants Gnomes. We haven't seen them for awhile, though. They're pretty good at stealing underpants," he said... and it was then that I gawked as I remembered something.
"i remember now!... i was best friends on facebook with a group of... underpants gnomes!... i took panties and underwear from other people... and sold them to the gnomes for a quarter each," I said, that making Butters confused.
"How could you not remember something until I mentioned it? And if you were best friends with Underpants Gnomes, then why aren't you anymore?" Butters asked.
"let's just say... the government has a thing against me... but i can't remember much... they were also why i'm so quiet... they hurt my throat..." I said, him nodding at that.
"I'll keep quiet about it, then. That's a promise," Butters smiled as I then held up my pinkie.
"pinkie swear?" I asked, him nodding and giving me the swear and me smirking. "thanks... now let's go find tweak," I smiled.
"Speaking of, would you like to know the occupations of the warriors three?" Butters smirked.
"sure," I said happily as we then left the house and, once out of the estate, we then went east towards the cinema area of South Park as well as passing by the mall.
"Token has Ninja as his class, Tweak is a barbarian class, and Craig is a very high-level Thief. If you need to know more about your own thieving, it'd be wise to ask him after we get him out of detention," Butters said as we then reached the Tweak Coffee house and I noted that the owner greeted us the moment we entered the store.
"Welcome to Tweak coffee, where all of our coffee is made by local ground coffee. Hold on a sec... Tweak! Tweeeaak!" the guy said as I heard a gasp from the back room door.
"Gaauugh!"
"Have you gotten our local coffee supply, yet?"
"Gagh! I-haven't-done-that-yet! I've-still-gotta-finish-all-my-chores!" said a very worried and obviously-overworked kid... he also sounded like he was on a coffee high.
"Well, hurry up, son! The family business depends on you!" the dad said.
"GAGH!" We then simply went to the back room to check on Tweak and he looked to be going at hyper speed trying to clean the floor, the coffee machine, and the sink at the same time. And there seemed to be a bunch of clutter, beakers, and chemicals.
"Ack! What's-this?" the kid asked, me noting that he was constantly twitching and that he looked like he was overworked and overly-sensitive to everything.
"We need you back at the Keep to get the Stick of Truth back from the elves," Butters said.
"Gagh! Now? You-mean-now?! I've-gotta-finish-all-my-chores,-first! And-then-I-need-to-get-the-supply! Howamigoingtodoallthis?!" Tweak asked as he grabbed onto my legs and started to pull against them.
"easy, easy! how about, we go get the supply for you? you'd be done with your chores by the time we'll be back, right, butters?" I asked, the paladin nodding.
"Great! I-owe-you-one,-giant-girl! Here,-the-supply-is-at-Kenny's-house,-like-always! Don't-take-too-long,-or-dad-might-give-me-decaf-instead-of-coffee-for-bed!" Tweak said, me feeling his pain. I hated decaf too, but my theory was that Tweak was obviously addicted to whatever the hell was in the coffee he was making.
"okay, let's go, quickly," I said, Butters and I then leaving... but not before I decided to purchase the special from Tweak's dad, it being the Super Sweet Coffee Supreme. And when I bought it, I gawked at how I then got a duo of friend requests from both of the parents!
"That purchase allows you to be friends with our company on Facebook. Now you can see when we add new specials," the mother said, me smiling at that.
"thanks," I smirked as we then left the place and I proceeded to drink the coffee on the way towards the southeast of town, meeting Officer Barbrady, who looked happy at Butters and I introduced myself as the new kid.
"Stay out of trouble, would you? If you manage that, I can eat more donuts," he smiled as I noted I still had half a cup left of the coffee.
"would you like the rest of my super sweet coffee supreme?" I asked, him gawking and smiling at me. "i'll give it to you if we can be facebook friends," I smiled at him. He then added me to his friends list and I then gave him the rest of the coffee, where he then proceeded to dunk a donut into it, me smiling at him.
"That's the nicest cop in town, believe it or not," Butters smiled.
"nice to know," I smiled as I then walked to the east and saw that we were now in the backwater areas, me letting Butters lead me to the location of Kenny's house, which looked to be one of the rustiest rustic shacks I'd ever seen. I knocked on the door and saw Kenny's mom answer the door, her having an "I'm with stupid" shirt on her.
"Howdy... uh, what's up?" she asked, me then smiling.
"we uh... came to get the tweak coffee supply..." I said shyly.
"Huh, already gettin' a job, huh, newbie? Well, the guys in the place next-door have the stuff," she said as I also noted that Kenny's sister was in the house, me waving hi to her and her doing so back to me. "So what's your name, newbie? I knew we were gettin' a couple newcomers, but I didn't know it'd be today..."
"my name... Felicia... nice to meet you," I said shyly.
"Aw, she's so cute and shy! Can we be facebook friends with her mom, please?" Kenny's sis asked with a smile.
"Course we can!" Kenny's mom smirked as they then found me via looking at Kenny's friend list and me then getting two new friends in Mrs McCormick and Karen McCormick.
"thanks..." I smirked as Butters and I then went to the shack next-door and I could smell... something that made me frown. Some kind of drug brewing within. Regardless, I knocked on the door and got... a very disgusting druggy girl to answer the door.
"Who're you? Whatta you want?" she asked in a drunken state.
"we uh... we're here to pick up the Tweak coffee..." I said with a small smile and big puppy dog eyes.
"Oh?... Uh... okay..." she said, obviously off-put by my big eyes. She then gave me the bag of ground coffee and I finally realized why the coffee had such a bad effect on the little Tweak. It had a bit of added addiction effects with some methamphetamines, but I didn't say a word as I simply bowed respectably and then gave her the money that I'd gotten from Tweak earlier to get the coffee. "Thanks kid... so... you on facebook?" she asked, me nodding.
"my name's Felicia... i'm friends with the McCormick family..." I said, her nodding as she then added herself to my friend list as "Crackercoffeegirl" as her username and no regular name.
"Make me a private friend, got it?" she said, me smiling and doing just that, mainly because I didn't want to get Barbrady any ideas about her operation. "Thanks, kid... you're very cute, you know that?" she smiled before then hearing a voice within.
"What's takin' so long?" asked another druggy.
"Nothin', just made a new friend... you didn't see anything, right?" she smiled at me with a hushed voice, me noting that Butters was looking at me in confusion as I simply looked at her and smirked.
"see what?... all i see is a door and a new friend," I smiled, her then giggling before then shutting the door, but not before waving goodbye, which made Butters look like he was about to talk before I shushed him.
"we have a delivery, Butters, okay? we can talk later," I smiled at him.
"Uh, okay..." he said as we then proceeded to walk to the area of Tweak Coffee and Butters decided to speak when we reached the street that was to the east of the park. "So, why did you do that? Not gonna lie, I'd do the same thing, but I didn't know you were like that, too," Butters admitted to me.
"well... let's just say, i like to be kind to people so long as they're kind to me... and better to give her a friend that can help her out..." I admitted to him.
"Huh... cool!" he smirked as we finally made it to Tweak Coffee... before I was stopped at the side of the shop by a stranger wearing one of those obviously-fake gag glasses that you bought for Halloween.
"Halt, citizen! I have a request for you," the voice said, me looking at him in confusion. His voice sounded familiar. "Do not worry, it is just I, Al Gore... I am undercover trying to find the location of Manbearpig," he said, me smiling and simply giggling to myself.
"i've heard of you, mister gore... how about i help out?" I asked, him smiling at that.
"Oh yes! Here, I want you to place these patented Manbearpig trackers in specified areas around the town. One at a farm weathervane, another at the lake by the school, and the final one to the southeast of town, high on a telephone pole. I'll add you as a friend if you can complete this task," he said, me smiling and nodding at him. We then finally went inside of the store while Al Gore hid again and Butters then whispered in my ear.
"Why bother with that weirdo? You do know he's a loon, right?" he asked, me being surprised that Butters, one of the nicest guys in South Park, was calling Al Gore a loon.
"i'm a democrat... and an animal lover... that's your explanation," I smiled at him. We then went to the back room to see that Tweak was now finished with his chores as I then presented the coffee for the guys.
"Hey-dad! We-got-the-coffee-like-you-wanted!" Tweak smirked as his dad then procured the bag from my hands, poked his finger in it, and then licked his finger.
"Yep, that's good shit. Just as I expected it," he smiled.
"Can-I-go-play-with-my-friends-now? I-finished-all-my-chores,-after-all!" Tweak asked with anticipation.
"Okay, Tweak, you can go play with your friends for a bit. But just make sure to be back by sunset. We've got a business to run after all, a family business. Family, just like our local ground coffee," the dad said, me not even daring to say a word about the fact that the coffee had meth in it.
"Let's get back to the wizard king together. We still need to report that Craig is in detention," Butters said, me nodding as I then texted it out to Cartman.
"We've recruited Token and Tweak, but Craig may be a bit harder to recruit... he's trapped in the lair of agony and boredom," I texted.
"No way! Craig can't be in detention! We need to break him out!" Token texted afterwards, but Cartman then texted something else.
"Douchegirl the thieving giantess, you must return to Kupa Keep. If you're going to rescue Craig, you'll need to learn how to use magic. I can teach you, but only in person," the text read, me smiling at that.
"On route back to the kingdom, Wizard King," I texted, going the way back where we came, which was the quickest way to Cartman's house. I was still confused at what he said... magic? He knew magic? Or was that a different term to what it actually was? I'd find out soon, I guessed.