Once I'd arrived back at Kupa Keep (and got an added friends with at least 6 different kindergartners because I protected them from some Drow Elves) Cartman immediately looked at me with seriousness.
"Okay, it's time to teach you some magic in order to rescue Craig the thief. But first, you must take the gentleman's oath. You must swear to never, ever, ever fart on a man's balls," he said, me tilting my head at that. "Farting on an opponent is one thing, but farting on someone's balls is not cool. Do you take the oath?" Cartman asked, me looking at him and then at Butters.
"i swear to never fart on a man's balls..." I said, me being unsure of this as Cartman then led me to the training grounds and then proceeded to demonstrate.
"First, you must suck in air through your asshole... let it rumble a little... and then... DRAGONSHOUT!" Cartman shouted as he used the sucked in air to send a forceful fart at the training dummy.
"okay... i'll try it now..." I said as I then focused... I sucked air through my butthole... feeling the rumbling happen in my gut... and then, I proceeded to send forth a fart out at maximum power... and when I did, I was shocked to see that the result of the fart... was completely eradicating every one of the tackling dummies! And the fart sounded more like an explosion! And Cartman looked shocked at that, as did I... and everyone else in the keep.
"Oh... my god... that wasn't Dragonshout... that was... an advanced version... it was Banshee Scream... so cool..." Cartman gawked as I then looked at him with extreme concern and confusion.
"so... i've got super farts... huh..." I said, being more shocked at how powerful my ass was.
"You're good to go and rescue Craig, for sure. The area to go to is being sent to your personal message board. Do not dissapoint, Douchegirl," Cartman said, me nodding at that.
"i won't let you down, teacher," I smiled, that making Cartman look surprised.
"Teacher... I like that, hehehe!" he smiled. "Princess Kenny, you go ahead and join her and Butters on the attack of the school, okay?" Kenny then joined myself and Butters out of the Keep, through Cartman's house, and proceeding down the street to the west... but on the way, I felt my nose leading me to a trash can in front of Craig's house... and I hit a score in the form of a pair of pink men's underwear, most likely from a red sock incident... AKA, the most treasured of all Underpants Gnome scores.
"Why are you pilfering that?" Kenny asked me.
"Because she's got a pact with a group of Underpants Gnomes. She finds the underpants and then sells them to the little guys for a quarter each!... I really should ask if I can do that, too," Butters smirked.
"Sounds cool, hehehe! Even cooler than that awesome fart you did. That's better than anything the wizard king could ever do," Kenny smiled, me blushing at that.
"c'mon, princess... you're making me blush..." I smiled as we then finally arrived at the school and I then found that the front door of the school was unlocked. "no locks. some very bright minds in charge of this establishment," I smirked sarcastically, making the duo chuckle after we then entered the front entrance... only for a ginger to look at us angrily.
"Who are you?! The school is off limi-" the ginger was about to say angrily... before I gave him the big puppy dog eyes. And when I did so, he looked stunned in place, me then smiling at him.
"i want to have a bit of leeway, please?... i'm new around here and the door was unlocked," I said with a cutesy voice, the ginger then breaking out of his trance, but it was too late. Butters and Kenny had already slammed the poor kid's nuts, me then taking his keys from him and then tossing him into the nearby trash can.
"Officer... down... officer down... intruders..." the ginger groaned in pain into a walkie-talkie as I then unlocked the door to the right of the entrance and proceeded to go through the halls... only to see that the road had been blocked by a couple other gingers. And before I could ask any questions?
"Gingers always roam the halls as hall monitors. It's very bad," Butters said, me then deciding to use my new banshee scream technique to blow the minds of the gingers that were making the roadblock.
"butters, kenny, get back. i'm going to make chocolate rain," I said, them then getting behind me as I then proceeded to scream out of my ass and the result? It... was... glorious. Not only did my ass manage to completely obliterate the blockade, but it also sent the gingers and all the junk through the wall and into the cafeteria! And once I did so, I gawked at how that was where detention was taking place!
"Oh my god! That was fuckin' awesome! shouted a voice of a kid that looked dressed to be a thief as he and all the other kids then rushed out of the wall and a very lanky teacher in a green shirt looked shocked at how all of the kids were now free. Before then looking at me and gawking.
"D-Don't hurt me, mkay?..." he said, me smiling at him.
"i just wanted to free the kids from the lair of agony and boredom. i just happened to have quite the powerful ass... i'll see you in the news, i'm sure," I giggled at him as the three of us then rushed out of the school out the front door and Craig then looked at us.
"Thanks for busting me out guys... who's the tall one with the awesome farts?" Craig asked.
"felicia, codename douchegirl. occupation, giantess and thief," I smiled at him.
"Cool. I'm gonna go back to the Keep now," Craig said, me nodding at him as we then proceeded on foot back to the Keep. And when we arrived, we then assembled as Cartman looked at me with a smile.
"You've fought bravely, Douchegirl. You have now gained a rank for your bravery. You are now Lady Douchegirl, congratulations!" Cartman smirked as Butters then got a notice on his Facebook... and it was from his personal paladin.
"I've gotten a facebook message from my paladin," Butters smirked.
"Butters, we've been over this. It's messenger crow," Cartman said.
"Oh, right... ahem... I got a message from my paladin's messenger crow. He says he saw the stick at the Inn of the Giggling Donkey. It's in possession of the Elves' bard," Butters explained, that making me smile.
"hmm... let me try something here..." I said as I then proceeded to try to sing...
"~I've been so lonely girl, I've been so sad and down!
Couldn't understand why haters joked around,
I wanted to be free
with other creatures like me
and now I got my wish...
Cause I know that I'm a gay fish!~" I sung, me gawking at how I could still sing with ease and that I didn't feel any throat pain after!
"Hmm... I think I may have an idea, but in order for it to work, we'll need to get you another magic lesson," Cartman said as he led me to the training area again (with new dummies in the form of scarecrows) and he then proceeded to demonstrate.
"Now, I'm going to show you the basic form of another magic spell. This is called Cup-a-Spell. First, send some air from your ass... put it in your hand... and throw it at your enemy!" Cartman demonstrated, me smiling at that. It looked like I could do that easily.
"okay... time to do so," I said as I then focused, sending smelly air from my ass into my hand... and then sending the stench towards the dummies... and then, I moved my hand towards the west... and I gawked at how I then actually managed to send the stench directly at Cartman, me gawking at that and him looking annoyed... before then gasping.
"Ugh... well... that was another advanced version. That was Stream-A-Stench! You can actually control the gas that emerges from your butt! Not even I can do that so easily!" Cartman gawked. "That's all I needed to know we can do this plan easily! Here's the plan, guys," Cartman said as he then relayed his plan.
"First, only Douchegirl will go inside the Inn of the Giggling Donkey. She will then request a duet with the bard. He's sure not to attack at an offer such as that. And then, while the crowd is fixed on the duet, we will proceed inside and effortlessly blend in with the elves. We'll then proceed to take out the guards one by one while Douchegirl finds a way to incapacitate the bard and take the Stick of Truth right off his back! Once we procure it, we book it back to the Keep," Cartman said, me smiling at that.
"i won't let you down, teacher. just make sure that you use some kind of disguise, please? i'd think a giant hat would be a dead giveaway," I said, Cartman nodding at me as we then went out to the Inn, which was the house closest to mine due west. Once I went inside of the door, I saw that the inside of the house looked like they'd converted the ground floor to look like a real inn, including an actual stage for performing! I then sat at the makeshift bar and the man at the bar looked at me with a smirk.
"Hello there, miss. Would you like a drink?" he asked, me smiling and nodding.
"more i wanted to ask if i could request a duet... with the bard," I said, that getting the bartender's interest piqued as he then grabbed a cup phone and proceeded to speak into it.
"Hello? Mister bard? Yeah, there's some girl here who wants to meet with you... she wants a duet," he said, that making the door to the basement slam open and I saw... the most badass cripple ever. It was Jimmy, who I knew the most from the news stories because of him being a very talented musician. I should've expected him to be the bard.
"Is that r-right? A talented musician also wants a d-duet with me?" Jimmy asked, me then raising my hand at that.
"that'd be me, mister... from one cripple to another... i want to sing a very fun song," I said, him looking at me in confusion before I pointed at my throat. "and before you ask... it doesn't affect my singing... just my speaking..." I said with a small, shy smile.
"Very well. Come to the s-stage and we can sing magical songs of enchaaant... enchantme... enchanm..." he was about to go into a long effort to say it before I finished.
"enchantment?" I asked.
"Y-yes, that," he stuttered as we then went to the stage and I proceeded to look at the one in charge of the music and requested a song.
"chocolate salty balls, please," I smiled, the crowd then cheering at that as the music then started and we then proceeded to sing the song as my allies started to slowly make their way to the house from outside.
"~Two tablespoons of cinnamon...
And two or three egg whites...
I have a stick of butter...
mmmmelted..." I sung in the form of Jimmy first, then me second for every verse.
"Stick it all in a bowl, baby...
stir it with a wooden spoon...
Mix in a cup of flour!
You'll be in heaven soon," the song went as my allies then finally came in, but the crowd was already transfixed on us as both me and Jimmy started to sing the next part together.
"Say everybody have ya seen my balls, they're big an' salty an' brown!
If ya ever need a quick! Pick-me-up, just stick my balls in your mouth!
OOOH!
Suck on my chooocolate salty baaaaalls!
Stick 'em in your mouth and suckem!
Suck on my chooocolate salty baaaaalls!
"They're packed full of vitamins and good for you!
SO SUCK ON MY BALLS!" we sung as my allies proceeded to chloroform some of the patrons one at a time and taking their places and clothes... and I then proceeded to use my Stream-A-Stench during the song while grabbing a lighter from my pocket. I simply held the ball of stench in my hand as we continued to sing.
"Quarter cup of unsweetened chocolate!
And a half a cup of Brraaanddddyyy!
Throw in a bag or two of SUGAR!
And just a pinch of va-nil-la!
Grease up the cookie sheet!
Cause I hate when my ballls stick!
Then preheat the oven to 350!
And give that SPOON A LICK!~" we sung, me then proceeding to send some of the stream towards Jimmy's crotch as I noted that the stick was in his shirt on his backside. And after the next chorus happened, I proceeded to light the stench on fire with the lighter and Jimmy then legit started to sniff.
"H-hey... wait a minute... what's th-that smell?... Smells like somethin's... burnin'..." Jimmy said to himself as I then motioned my hand to his backside.
"well that don't confront me none... long as i get my rent paid on friday," I smiled as Jimmy then noticed that his crotch was on fire and I then yanked the stick of truth from his back!
"Oh man, baby! BABY! YOU JUST BURNED HIS BALLS!" Cartman shouted loudly, making the bard then shout in fear.
"Ow! My balls on fire! Get me some water! Pour some water on me! Oh my goodness!" he shouted as I then smiled.
"I'm blowin', I'm blowin', do somethin'!" I sung that bit slightly as I then threw him into the kitchen and he then proceeded to wet his crotch in the sink, me looking at the others and us then booking it with the stick in my grasp, Cartman only laughing out loud when we got to my house.
"HAHAHA! That was fuckin' awesome! HAHA! You completely defeated the Bard by burning his balls! And making it match the song was just perfect! HAHA!" Cartman laughed like a maniac as I then smiled at him.
"does this mean that i can be called felicia? not douchegirl?" I asked, him smirking at that.
"But of course! You've impressed me, Felicia, numerous times! Now let's get that stick where it rightfully belongs," he said as we then got to the back of Cartman's house as the sun started to set in the distance. I then placed the stick on the pillow and looked at Cartman with a smile.
"can't wait to play again tomorrow, wizard king... i need to get home, though," I smiled, him smirking at that.
"No worries there, Felicia! After all, the rules say that we aren't allowed to try and take the stick at night," he said, me smiling at that.
"yeah, that doesn't seem fair if we could just pilfer the stick of truth while everyone else sleeps," I smiled. I then yawned loudly as I then bid farewells to the others and proceeded back home, just a few blocks down the street. And once I got there, mom and dad looked at me and smiled.
"Hey there, Felicia. How was your first day in our quiet mountain town?" mom asked as I simply giggled.
"well... i found out that i have explosive farts... ~And that I can sing at a normal volume...~" I sung the last bit, that making her smile happily.
"Well, that's a relief! I thought your voice would be long dead after... um... w-why don't you come to the dinner table? I got some pizza from a local place," she smiled, me immediately rushing to the kitchen and gawking at how she'd gotten two extra larges! And they were my favorite, stuffed crust!
"you're the best, guys!" I smiled happily as I then filled my tummy up with at least 6 slices (as I was a growing girl) and after that, I decided to tell mom and dad something. "also, i wanted to tell you guys... i remember a bit about how my voice got hurt... some government guy with an eyepatch..." I said, that making dad look surprised, but he simply sighed at nodded. "i don't remember why he did that... or why my memories got erased... but i promise you that i'll try to stay out of trouble... it's the least i can do," I smiled at them.
"Thank you, Felicia," dad smiled as I simply smiled at him.
"You're welcome... I'm going to bed..." I smiled as I then hobbled up the stairs and went to sleep, my mom giving me a kiss on the forehead before she and dad also went to bed. It almost felt so surreal... to have a brand new life in a town that I was always intrigued by... but I still had to wonder. Why did my memories get erased? Along with all the friends I had on my profiles? And what did that eyepatch general have to do with any of this? And why did he try to choke me?...
My thoughts were interrupted as I heard a small thud from outside my door, me looking at the alarm clock and seeing that it was 12:33 AM... I also looked at my door and saw that there was a slight green hue from underneath the door... but then, I gasped when my door opened up and... an ALIEN appeared from it! I gasped at this and tried to get out of the bed, but I was already restrained by two other aliens that had been hiding under my bed! It was all over for me... I couldn't scream for help even if I wanted to!... I then felt my body get engulfed by green light... this was it. I was dead. Very very dead...